Jemele Hill. She has come out of the closet as a Celtics hater. That's not the problem, the content of the article and her writing is the overriding problem.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hill/080614
I thought I would be OK. Turns out, I was as wrong as Skip Bayless.
Ba-da-boom.
I'm not sure I can handle seeing Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett -- three of the NBA's most likable players -- hoist the Larry O'Brien trophy.
I am not sure I can handle reading this rest of this column now that I have started it. It's like chugging a two liter of Pepsi, where it seems like a good idea but once you start you realize you have to commit completely or you will throw up. That's how I feel.
Not that there's anything wrong with those three guys, but old dislikes die hard. I came of age in my NBA fandom in the 1980s. Being from Detroit, you already know what that era means to me.
You like teams that were the very epitome of dirty players?
They've outplayed the Lakers. They've smothered Kobe Bryant. They practically have Pau Gasol in the fetal position sucking his thumb.
I mean this column is already shit, I am just going to let the writing speak for itself and comment as a little as possible. I would say I was going to give her enough rope to hang herself, but I am not Kelly Tilghman.
Oh by the way, Miss Captain Research. as I will now call her, must not have noticed Gasol is averaging 15 ppg and 11 rebounds in the series and Kobe has only scored 26 ppg and has 6 assists a game. Just saying.
Equally appalling is that some of my friends -- people I consider hardcore Detroiters -- have actually been rooting for the Celtics in the Finals.
Maybe they are not so short sighted as you seem to be to realize the Pistons had a rivalry with the Lakers in the late 80's and early 90's that was a step or two below the Celtic rivalry. So possibly these hardcore Detroiters realize they don't really care who wins and just like basketball. Maybe they would like to to have lost in the Eastern Conference Semifinals to the team that won the NBA Title.
That's just gross.
Not as gross as your hair. Just saying.
Rooting for the Celtics is like supporting inflation, unemployment and locusts. It's like praying for Eva Mendes to get married and for Brad Pitt to be disfigured.
It's like wishing dollar bills and free time for Pacman Jones. It's like hoping the pit bull doesn't take Michael Vick's pinky as a memento. It's like wanting Ron Artest's raps on repeat. It's like coveting fungus.
These analogies are stupid and so are you. As an economist I would like to submit, and I realize you did not know this because you are stupid stupid person and have an IQ around 95 which officially would qualify you as a stupid stupid person, that some inflation is not bad and some unemployment is not all together bad at all for the economy. Moving on...
Reading this I realized what was missing from this. Fortunately Deadspin.com helped me!
Rooting for the Celtics is like saying Hitler was a victim. It's like hoping Gorbachev would get to the blinking red button before Reagan.
I guess ESPN took that part out because I did not get to read it without Deadspin helping me find out about it. Her references now officially make zero sense, make light of a nuclear standoff, AND mock the single greatest attempted extermination of a race of the last 100 years. That's like the triple crown of offensiveness in writing. Really hard to do.
Warning: At this point, reader may have difficult understanding what the author is attempting to say and her reasoning will not make sense. The author obviously needed to write a longer article and had no more material.
I realize most people don't consider the Boston-Detroit rivalry the same as Yankees-Red Sox,
If I were her editor, I would have her change "most people" to "no one I have ever heard about/met/seen" and then look for a new job or kill myself.
There was a certain amount of begrudging appreciation for the Lakers because Magic is from Michigan and won an NCAA championship at Michigan State.
Sttttttretchiiiiiiiiiiiiing logic has commenced. So the people appreciated the Lakers because one player on the team won a championship while attending a school in the state? I guess he may have been a legend in the state but I don't see how they could not hate the Lakers who had beaten the Pistons in the Finals in 1989.
Based on this logic, these are some teams I could have "appreciated."
1. The 1980's Lakers with James Worthy
2. The 1990's Bulls with Michael Jordan
3. The 2000's Pistons with Rasheed Wallace.
4. The 2000's Spurs with Tim Duncan.
Actually, the last two don't really count but why don't I fucking appreciate them anyway. I realize state pride is super rad but this is a weak reasoning for "appreciating" a team that could be your second biggest rival in the 1980's and early 90's.
Admittedly, to some degree it was about race. Detroit is 80 percent African-American, the mostly white Celtics teams of the past had a tough time being accepted by black audiences.
Does this come off as a bit racist by Jemele? By the way, if we switched this rationale of thought, and the white audience had a similarly narrow line of thought about race then the NBA would be disbanded by now. I am again just mentioning this for you to chew on and think about before you admit again your city was slightly racist in the 1980's.
Boston was the home of the infamous Charles Stuart case -- in which a white man murdered his pregnant wife and blamed it on a black suspect who didn't exist.
Again, I am having a difficult time putting the logic in line for this isolated event causing you, 20 years later, to not want the Celtics to win. If you had just left it at, "I am a Pistons fan," it would have made sense. Bringing in other variables only helps to muddy up your point. Why don't you see this? I realize Boston is a racist city but can't you just stick to basketball reasons you hate the Celtics?
Those feelings toward the city and the Celtics have subsided, in large part because our own racial attitudes have progressed.
If by "our" you mean "apparently everyone but me" then this sentence would make sense.
Considering Detroit is America's favorite impoverished punch line, it probably hurts every Detroiter just a little to see Boston succeed.
Ouch, sorry the city we were looking for was the generic "ghetto." Sorry, but please play Six Degrees of Offensiveness again next week.
It's an anguish, I'm finding, that never truly goes away.
Finally, an emotion we have in common. I feel that way when I see you on television, hear your name, or read your columns.
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