MMQB-Tuesday Edition: When I Slowly Lose My Mind

I was going to lay off Peter King today and let J.S. have the floor for his Chinese Democracy-esque promises to release an NFC Preview but I can't. In this MMQB-Tuesday Edition, which King Peter does because he does not want to interrupt half the useless drivel he puts in the MMQB edition with boring things like reader feedback and prefers to spice the MMQB up with stories of colonscopys and car rental stories, he is speaking directly to me. I think I am slowly losing my mind and think his columns are directed towards ME and I have to answer immediately.

The problem with preseason football, other than the fact it's preseason football, is you never have any idea what it means. Never.

Or Point G as I called it yesterday. I think you made this point and then contradicted it repeatedly. Apologizing for it?

Having said that, I am questioning all the love I've thrown the Browns way this off-season.

Nope, doing it again.

"Everyone knows there is no such thing as leprechauns and it is insane to believe this. That being said though, my daughter's fourth grade class did have green footprints on the walls."

It would impossible not to, after being in the house for the first 17 minutes -- which took about four days -- of Cleveland's preseason loss to the Giants here Monday.

"It would be impossible to believe leprechauns don't exist knowing this. I am Peter King and I make no sense. Let me tell you about the testicular cancer exam I had today!"

You know it IS possible to not turn your back on the Browns. You could think it is the preseason, which it is...so this would be easy to do.

A few things worry me about Cleveland now. The secondary, obviously.

I love how he glowed about Cleveland in the off season but never mentioned this until now. Holy shit, now he has problems after his prediction looks crappy. I and the rest of the world who have Internet access and can find team rosters could have noticed this two weeks ago. You know find the roster and I don't even have Internet access, I steal it from college students and then buy them beer in exchange, except that one prick who always starts his car from inside his apartment, he is sneaky and I will never buy him beer.

• From Jake Nichols, of Winston-Salem: "You're criticizing Jets fans for poor turnout? Don't preseason tickets cost the same as regular season? I can't get on anyone in this economy for not going to a game, let alone a preseason one. Who can afford it? Gas at $4 a gallon, bread at $2.25, milk at nearly $4 and you're going to razz people for not paying $50 bucks to sit in the nosebleeds and watch a guy for two series? Seriously?''

Exactly what I am thinking.

• From Steven Fishman, of Plainview, N.Y.: "Congratulations on writing the single most ridiculous point in all your years of MMQB. I am a season-ticket holder to the Jets. What stuns me is last week, you specifically wrote about how absurd it is for NFL teams to force fans to buy tickets to MEANINGLESS preseason games. Now you mock Jet fans because they don't want to travel two hours and give up a wonderful summer evening to sit in a football stadium and watch Brett Favre play two series of football in a game that means nothing?

Peter did say this last week in a column but it had nothing to do with Brett Favre, so now King Peter is riled up. It was only two series and it does seem kind of pointless to go if you have something better to do. I feel like Robert DeNiro in Goodfellas and I am just piling on at this point.

"A little bit. You insulted him a little bit. I heard things."

• From Patrick Alexander, of Chicago: "Not a Jets fan, but even if my team lined up Jesus, Confucious, Lao Tsu, Moses and Mohammed, I wouldn't show up to a lame preseason game.''

I am going on record right now as saying if this ever happens, I will be there. I will drive no matter how many miles it takes and watch Moses and Jesus play football. Obviously Patrick is a little upset Kyle Orton was named Bears starter because the opportunity to view Lao Tsu running a reverse is too awesome to pass up.

Okay. Here are my five responses:

1. I love the anger and the bitterness and the raw feelings. Shows you all care, which I appreciate, and I do appreciate your heavy response.

Translation: You are just normal people and I know Brett Favre because I am an NFL Insider. You can all go to Middle Class Hell. (Which is Des Moines, Iowa by the way)

2. Let's say in four years, when Kobe Bryant is considered one of the 10 best players of all time, he migrates to the Knicks in free agency, and the Knicks play their opening exhibition game at Madison Square Garden against the Wizards. You think there'd be an empty seat in the house? Dream on.

If Kobe Bryant was only playing half of the first quarter, then no one would show up. I guaran-freaking-tee it. This is not the same as Brett Favre and the Jets but way to be hyperbolic to distract others into thinking you have a point.

Also, Brett Favre is not one of the top 10 QBs of all time, much less one of the top 10 players, so this comparison sucks even more.

I will argue this point to anyone, everyone, anytime, anywhere. I will argue with Peter until low fat latte and lasagna comes out of his pores. Brett Favre is an all time great but not one of the top 10 QBs of all time. No matter how much you love him.

I don't care if he plays 14 snaps -- which he did -- or 40. If you're a real Jets fan, and you've got tickets, and you're not out of town, you'd be there.

I am a real "my favorite team" fan and have turned down tickets repeatedly to regular season games because sometimes it is better to watch the game on television and not worry about crowds and spending $10 for a beer. Also, it is a two hour drive to the stadium, which can be made during a Sunday for a real game, but for an exhibition seems kind of silly. Especially on a Saturday night, when there are plenty of other things going on.

3. The fans aren't doling out extra money to see this game. They've already paid for the tickets. We're talking about 45,000 season-ticket-holders who chose not to come to the game.

I really kind of agree with Peter that the fans should have shown up but he is absurdly confrontational about this. I doubt he would be this worked up if it was not Favre. He wants Favre to succeed in New York and will pretty much do anything in his journalistic power to make sure he does. Peter seriously has a personal stake in this.

Sorry. I've got a problem with that.

That is too confrontational. We are not talking about abortion rights, apartheid, or the fact the Chinese are Communist and everyone ignores this for two weeks. This is preseason football attendance. Isn't Peter getting a little too worked up over this?

4. And to Steve, the season-ticket-holder from Long Island: What's your level of devotion to this team, really, if you won't give up half of a Saturday to see Brett Favre quarterback your team on your home field with tickets you've already paid for, even if it's only for two series? Sorry. I don't get it.

This tone is out of hand in my opinion. When was the last time you think Peter King had to pay for a football game? He bitches about the price of motherfucking coffee and peanuts on a fucking airplane but he wants everyone to go to every football game they paid for to see his BFF Brett, and if you don't, then you are not a true fan. He is absurdly passionate on this. It is preseason football attendance. This part should have been dropped out of the column originally.

5. I take nothing back.

You are a self righteous prick who thinks he can tell others what to do with their time and money. They should go to the game to see their "new" QB, but if they don't want to, don't fuss like a little kid and call them out in your column.