I Disagree With Everything In This Column

Pretty rare feat! I mean, everything, at least for the first half, which I will cover below. Not a single well made argument, all of them are the result of placing a "wtf" sandwich in a blender and drinking the whole thing down with breakfast. Introducing Mr. Bizarro himself, Mike Florio.

10-Pack: Biggest blunders at NFL season's midpoint

There's enough crazy for this post in just the first four.

1. Giants giving Plaxico Burress a new contract.

It wasn't much of a surprise to learn that the defending Super Bowl champs had given a contract extension to their star wideout on the afternoon of the first game of the regular season. After all, Plaxico Burress had been clamoring for a new deal (despite having three years left on his current contract) for most if not all of the offseason, and there was a chance that, unless the team placated Plax, he'd begin to act like a bigger idiot than we'd ever before seen.

let me be perfectly clear here - Plaxico Burress was fucking awesome last year. Shockey was out, Jacobs was frequently hurt, Manning was generally shaky, and they were not a particulary good pass blocking team. Burress was the one consistant shining light for the offense, and he did it without practising all season due to a practically broken ankle. He finished tied for fourth in receiving TD's and all above him (Housh, Moss, Owens, Edwards) all had other elite offensive players - that was just not true for Burress. You know who was second in receiving TD's (Burress had 12)? Amani Toomer. He had three.

He had 151 of Manning's 251 passing yards in the NFC Title game (let that sink in for a bit), while Brandon Jacobs ran for just 67 yards. Saying he single handedly willed them to the Superbowl is a bit of a stretch, but it's plausable. This guy was an unsung hero, in the truest sense, if any team owes any player, anything in the NFL, it's the Giants and Burress, let's make that perfectly clear. He also leads his team in yards and TD's, despite missing a game.

Then, several weeks later, we learned that Burress already had been acting that way, as evidenced by reports of 40 or 50 fines since he joined the team, which culminated in a two-week suspension (later reduced to one week) after he didn't show up for work the day after a game.

So why did the Giants give the guy more money?

because he's AWESOME. I am willing to give Burress a massive benifit of the doubt based on last year, and you know, you just know, there's another side to this story.

At a time when the Giants aren't afraid to hold firm even if it means missing out on the services of guys like Michael Strahan and Tony Gonzalez, it's amazing that the team rewarded Burress in light of all the things the team knew -- and that the rest of us generally didn't.

raise your hand if you would prefer Tony Gonzalez or Michael Strahan (a RETIRED Michael Strahan I might add) to Plaxico Burress? You are the Sarah Palin's of the NFL, congratulations.

Most recently, the Giants benched Burress for more than a quarter of Sunday's win at Pittsburgh due to missing injury treatments. Unless he finally figures out the connection between his actions and the consequences for them, he'll continue to be more of a liability than an asset.

leads a 6-1 team in yards and TD's, I think the Giants will live. Thanks.

2. Saints trading for Jeremy Shockey.

The Giants' misguided decision to pay Burress was counterbalanced by a grifting of the Saints, who sent a second- and fifth-round pick to New York for unwanted tight end Jeremy Shockey.

and so we begin the worship at the alter of draft picks.

It's like having someone pay you $1,000 to take away your trash.

it's nothing like that, at all. Ugh, so condescending and self satisfied.

Shockey, when healthy, is a talented player. But he never has functioned effectively as a member of a team.

Really? Really? Really?

"But it highlights the sizable void that the injured Shockey has left behind as a player and a fiery leader, a space that the unsung and understated Boss will try to partly fill...Boss called Shockey “a great friend and a great mentor...It’s not the ideal situation with our starting tight end going down, our team leader going down like that”

Shockey"He's one of our leaders, one of the guys that comes to practice every day,'' quarterback Eli Manning said. "It's going to be tough to overcome that, and we need someone to step up and hopefully one of these rookie tight ends can do that.''

"It's part of the business, part of the risk you take when you go out there, that you can get injured,'' defensive end Michael Strahan said. "Losing Shockey is definitely going to hurt because he's not only an emotional leader and all those things, but he also makes plays for you. He's one of our guys that other teams make sure they account for, and that helps other guys out. I know as much of a competitor he is, it's really going to kill him to watch.''

"Another big issue was the absence of Shockey, which left the question of who would step up as the vocal leader of the offense."

*yawn* Your wrongness bores me Florio, fetch me a new reporter!

Shockey has recently popped off about the handling of his hernia surgery, has already missed several games due to the condition and has not delivered strong performances on the field. The Saints should have kept their draft picks -- especially since an unprecedented number of underclassmen are poised to make a cash grab in 2009, before the NFL imposes a rookie pay scale.

Shockey has not been great, but this is such 20/20 hindsight rubbish, and Florio knows it. So easy to criticise after the fact, and there is still plenty of time to turn it around.

3. Cowboys trading for Roy Williams.

Speaking of squandering picks in next year's talent-heavy draft, the Cowboys gave up a first-, third- and sixth-round pick for a receiver they simply don't need.

Miles Austin is the best receiver ever. Eddie Royal for Andre Johnson! Lack of depth at receiver was a massive need! Maybe the biggest! The defense is awesome, everywhere basically. They have two excellent, well complimented running backs. Until recently the QB position is solid, and the temporary loss of Romo isn't the end of the world (despite what the Chicken Little's of the media). Their O-Line is arguably the best in the league. The one downspot is receiver, they rely very heavily on Owens and Witten, Barber isn't much of a threat out of the backfield (despite the TD last week), Crayton is still inconsistant and Austin et al are thoroughly unproven. The receivers certainly aren't terrible, but relatively, this is a weak link. It's understandable that the Yankees of the NFL would buy now, they wanna win now, if you didn't pick up the subtle hints Einstein.

There's only one football, and the Cowboys have a healthy throng of guys who want to catch it and/or run with it. Adding another guy to the mix made no sense.

something like 60% of all passes went to Owens or Witten last year, I think defenses might have an eye on them man. Might need another target, even occasionally. Good players = good. The Cowboys want to win now, it's fair enough too seeing as they are good, and not many teams look unbeatable, in fact, for the first four weeks, they looked the best team in football, fucking have some balls and go for this championship. You, Florio, are a pussy.

4. Lions firing Matt Millen.

oh yes. Oh God yes. That's the good stuff...ooooooooooooh yeaaaaaaaah.

What's that, you say? How can it have been a blunder for the Lions to fire the guy who should have been fired at least three years ago?

The problem here isn't Detroit's decision to part ways with Millen. It's the timing of it.

No one fires a GM three games into a season. The move does nothing to help the team in the short term.

this is like saying that you shouldn't stop building your lunar rocket ship out of cardboard because it does nothing to help you to get to the moon. Technically it's true, but the cardboard ship sure as fuck wasn't gonna get you there, you may as well get to trying something else.

The early-season dismissal of Millen has given the front-office folk -- who should have been fired with him -- a three-month head start on getting themselves ensconced for 2009.

...what?

Fortunately for Lions fans, the team keeps losing...

oh! Now your column makes sense! You think the goal is to lose games! Now I see! No, sorry man, it's to win them, the answer is - to win games. Thus, Shockey is good, so is Burress, Matt Millen is a millstone on the neck of the Lions and Roy Williams also, a good pickup. Winning = good. Losing = bad. Home Runs = good. Outs = bad. Dunn = good. Eckstein = bad.

Everyone on board? Awesome.

Mike Florio? You're on notice - you just made the list.