Simmons and Me on the Boston Red Sox

(I wrote this Friday morning, now the Red Sox have tied the League Championship Series 3-3).

Here is Simmons' blow by blow account of how he feels about Red Sox and how they reaffirm his existence in the world.

Miracle

I am not going to dissect and mock Simmons' account of how the Red Sox won Game 5 last night. (By the way, I typed "the World Series," realized it was a mistake and put "Game 5" in there but I think we all know I was right the first time.) I may put up a couple of quotes that specifically annoyed me.

I cheered for the Red Sox in 2003 and 2004 when they were playing against the Yankees because I absolutely hated the Yankees and then did not watch the World Series at all in 2004 and 2007 simply because the Red Sox were involved. Not because I did not like them, but I knew they were going to win both years, so it was pointless. I think we can all agree the bad karma the Red Sox had gotten over the years when they could not win the World Series has been rid of and now they are the ones pulling off the miracle comebacks. I think the world has evened itself out for them at this point.

I hated the Yankees for very specific reasons, one of which was posted on SportsCenter this morning when describing amazing comebacks in the playoffs and how the Red Sox had the second largest comeback ever. Right there at the bottom of the screen was the third largest, Game 3 of the 1996 World Series, which absolutely broke my heart. I still think the Atlanta Braves won the World Series in 1996, I mean they were coming home with a 2-0 lead and were dominating. Then they weren't dominating anymore. Who gets swept at home in the World Series? I hated the Yankees after they destroyed the Braves again in 1999, which I expected this time because the Yankees were a juggernaut at this point. It was going to happen...and it did. It was always easy to hate the Yankees.

I always had no opinion on the Red Sox. I never hated the Red Sox until 2006 when I came to the realization this was a Red Sox world and we are all just living in it. It seemed like New England fans (Bill Simmons' is an example) were everywhere describing their joy over all of their teams winning titles. Along with the New England Patriots, who had also broken my heart in the Super Bowl, the area had a lot of winning teams. I think the exact point I started hating the New England teams was when I read a Bill Simmons' column (and I searched the archives and don't know which one, I could not find it for some reason) describing the Red Sox and New England fans in general. I realized I was exactly like them. What irritated me was that he was saying New England fans were not like all other fans, like they had been more tortured and been through more than any other fan base. Therefore they were special and cheered for their teams much harder than any other fan base. It's like the whole world was supposed to cheer for them and their fans because they were more important and dedicated. I found it to be bullshit and I actually resented it as well. The sad part is that I know New England fans and they don't think they are special, they truly are like everyone else, so I feel like an old man railing against something that doesn't exist.

I think it was the bandwagon fans I was truly annoyed with because people like Bill Simmons through his running diaries and constant coverage was essentially recruiting a new group of Red Sox and Patriot fans. Now he complains about the wine and cheese crowd and the bandwagon fans that follow the team. He helped create this in way. I feel dumb because I don't hate the Red Sox and the Patriots, I don't hate their fans, but I just hate the way they are constantly covered. It is like a Favre Watch all the time it seems. Not that they don't sometimes deserve it, but I think I am Boston-ed out. I am a Celtics fan from the early 80's, so I guess you could say I jumped on the bandwagon at a young age, even though I did not know what a bandwagon was. I barely even acknowledged the Celtics title this year because I was so tired of the New England coverage, it actually ruined what should be an exciting moment for me.

I also had a realization at this time that every time ESPN was on, there was some a journalist from the Boston area who felt the need to update us on how their teams were doing and what they were going to do in the future. It wasn't just ESPN. If it was not Peter King, Bill Simmons, Tony Massaratti, Bob Ryan, Peter Gammons, and every 30 minute special before a Red Sox-Yankees game, it was constantly seeing the New England teams on television playing in championships. It became insufferable for me. What made it even worse for me was seeing Red Sox fans attending games in random places (i.e. Tampa Bay) and wondering where the hell these people were five years ago.

I became tired of the Red Sox being a tortured fan base that finally gets their due and getting to read Bill Simmons' 903rd running fucking diary about the Red Sox where he tries to sprinkle in a few references to pop culture and other events in order to make sure the running diary can not be considered just a fan boy's own recollection of the event. He does this well and continues to be well read on ESPN. I think my main gripe with the Patriots and Red Sox coverage is just how they have been forced down the public's throat as the only teams that truly matter and cheer for their team through thick and thin. Everyone knows it is not that way, but I can't name one more writer on ESPN that wears his love for his team's on his sleeve as much as Bill Simmons does. It is admirable, but where are the running diaries of the Philadelphia-Los Angeles NLCS this year from Simmons? He had every reason to do one since Manny plays (ed) for the Dodgers but he did not. There was no Philly fan who got 2,000 words to describe how it felt to have them win the National League pennant, yet we all know after a big Red Sox victory you will get something from Bill Simmons. In fact, Bill wrote this column as an extra column for this week, not in conjunction with his NFL picks. That article is coming later today. Don't want to overwork him I guess. So someone at ESPN told him to write how it felt to have the Red Sox win or he felt we all cared how he felt. I just find it hard to believe ESPN would not try to replicate Simmons' success with another columnist from another popular city. I know Simmons has his own thing and it would be rude for another columnist to copy him but Bill Simmons is a true fan of the teams he watches and that is absolutely it. When he needs to expand upon that, he fails in my opinion.

I hear from people that it is crazy to think ESPN has some sort of weird agenda to promote the Red Sox, I truly don't believe this. After 8 years of listening to Bill Simmons, Peter King, and Peter Gammons update us on every game and feeling related to the Red Sox, it has gotten old to be forced to go to the worldwide leader in sports and see a fan boy blog about one of the columnist's favorite team. That's who he is, I understand that, but it also seems like that is who ESPN is as well.

Bill's current article is a summary of the Red Sox game last night and how he feels about them and why he loves sports so much. You can't write an entire column about one subject, the Red Sox victory last night, and then try to tie it in with the sport as a whole. It just doesn't work that way. Bill ends the column with:

You either love sports or you don't.

I do love sports but the Red Sox and Patriots suck the joy out of sports for me.

Some highlights of Simmons' Red Sox love diary:

I remember uttering the words, "I wanted us to win tonight if only because it would have been another two days where I didn't have to think about Matt Cassel."

Poor you, your team has a winning record, but you lost your starting quarterback and never planned to have a capable backup. I have Kleenex if you want one.

During an earlier inning, one of my Red Sox e-mail buddies wrote after yet another Papi whiff, "I'd rather have Brandon Moss or Jeff Bailey or Matt Stairs batting third for us. Papi is not just useless, he's visibly, obviously, pathetically useless."

I can guarantee you if they had pinch hit any of those players for David Ortiz, Bill Simmons would have murdered someone. Ortiz later hit a homerun so obviously he was not that useless. Apparently Bill's friend starts just saying untrue and random shit when he is angry.

With no reason at all to believe, the Fenway fans were standing and cheering and willing Little Man to get a hit. This was an unexpected old-school Fenway crowd, like the ones we had before they turned Fenway into a theme park

The old school crowd was seen leaving in the 7th inning before the comeback. Just a reminder there Billy Boy.

So let's just agree a memorable baseball game happened Thursday night. It delighted a large group of people and devastated a much smaller group.

I agree it was a memorable game. I think at this point the Red Sox have used up all the fairy dust they accumulated through the "non winning and tortured" years.

You have to admit, this sports weekend suddenly became much more interesting than it was 24 hours ago.

That is actually one of the main reasons I do not like the Red Sox because the postseason just got a little less interesting because I have seen Boston win a World Series and I would rather see the Phillies or the Rays win the series. It is not happening though and I am used to it. I don't hate the Red Sox, I hate the fact I am told by ESPN and other sports media I am supposed to like the Red Sox.