MMQB: Most Mediocre Super Bowl Ever Edition!

I am of course kidding with my title. If you can't get pumped up about a Pittsburgh-Arizona Super Bowl with their history of tight games against each other and the battle between an offense that can't run the ball and a team whose quarterback could very well have three concussions and a broken spine, then you don't love football. I really have nothing against these two teams, I am just not exactly primed up for this Super Bowl game yet.

I am getting to a fairly busy time of the year here in the attic, so if I post later in the day or miss a day, please don't stop coming by, mom may have unplugged the Internet connection or forced me to hit the treadmill or find a job but it is all temporary and I will be back with more shitty journalism.

My favorite team happens to have a player who wants to be traded/not re-signed, so they may put the franchise tag on him. I knew I could count on Peter to run through the options the team has with his readers, just like he did with Matt Cassel and the Patriots 2-3 times this year. Except this guy may be more important to his team because he has made the Pro Bowl and has never backed up a 3 time Super Bowl winning quarterback. Shockingly, I can not count on Peter to go over the franchise options with me. Let's do MMQB.

We have 13 days to hype the Super Bowl, and I'll even do some of that here.

No, the correct sentence should read, "we have 13 days to prepare for the Super Bowl and I will tell you some of the interesting stories concerning the game." Hype sucks and does not count as journalism.

"That was just ... so violent,'' the Pittsburgh backup quarterback, Byron Leftwich, said. "These two teams play violently. You look out there and can't believe the hits you're seeing.''

If any team is looking to sign Byron Leftwich this off season, remember he doesn't like the violence of football, takes half an hour to wind up and throw the ball, and has the mobility of a man with a cane. Happy bidding!

The spiritual leader of the Ravens, Lewis, is 33 and not long for the rivalry, obviously.

Is he going to be murdered sometime soon? Most rivalries don't last 5-8 more years, which is how long it seems Lewis will continue playing, assuming he is not poisoned or something, which Peter seems to have some inside information on. Indy-New England has calmed down this year, so it went on for about five years, which is how long the Steelers-Ravens rivalry could go on and Lewis could still be playing at that point.

Seriously Peter, is Ray Lewis getting murdered? I think you have an obligation to tell him this if you know something.

Can you count on anything -- like regular-season records -- in the postseason anymore?

No, you can't. The Lions won a postseason game this year and so did the Bengals!

What's that you say? All the teams in the postseason where good teams that played well over a 16 game span, so regular season records don't mean as much because there is less separation in talent level between teams in the playoffs? That makes much more sense than anything Peter will say here.

So much is determined on health. If you're the Ravens, and you play an intensely physical style of football, you're going to have to be lucky to reach the Super Bowl, because it's likely you will have left some bodies by the side of the road during the course of the season. And without question, they were physically spent as they left Heinz Field last night. They hadn't had a weekend without a game for the last 18 weeks

The fact they were so physically tired, and Peter's theory here, perfectly explains why somehow they were able to beat both Miami and Tennessee on the road. Wait, no it doesn't. As usual in today's sportswriting, when in doubt, make some shit up. The Cardinals won their (shitty as it may be) division and the Ravens would have won the AFC North if weren't for the fact the Steelers were in the same division. They are both good teams, quit making up things to account for the Ravens winning playoff games.

It's never been truer that the hottest teams, and the healthiest teams, are the ones with the best chance in January.

This is a perfectly crafted sentence of obviousness. Of course the team with more of its best players healthy and a team that is playing the best football will have a better chance to make the Super Bowl. I can't even argue with this. I included this because this is the opposite of an insightful comment.

when the Steelers made the very bold pick of a 34-year-old, one-year defensive coordinator, Tomlin, to succeed Bill Cowher, they left two longtime and loyal Steelers offensive assistants, Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm, out of luck. Whisenhunt got hired by the Cardinals as the head coach, and he took Grimm with him to be the Cards assistant head coach.

I can understand how Peter's new phone BFF would be angry he did not get hired by the Steelers but he is now a head coach in the NFL and Grimm has the exact same position he had in Pittsburgh. Oh, and he is coaching in the Super Bowl now. Not exactly a tough luck case.

That has to be on the Gruden résumé because he arrived in Tampa a quarterback guru and departed with a string of just-OK quarterback performances, and no long-term solution, unless new coach Raheem Morris is going to turn Josh Johnson into Matt Cassel somehow.

(Peter King thinking) "Yeah, somehow, if he could turn Josh Johnson into Matt Cassel, which is not going to happen, because nobody is as good as Bill Belichick, and nobody is as good as Matt Cassel. A backup will never again play in an NFL game and win that game, and if they do, Matt Cassel did it first and everyone will know that."

Are the Patriots ruined?

Please tell me you did not really think we would go an entire MMQB without a paragraph or four on the current state of the Patriots, who if I am not wrong, did not make the playoffs this year.

But the loss of Scott Pioli and Josh McDaniels in the span of 72 hours is the biggest 1-2 punch the Patriots have taken in any postseason since the team got good in 2001.

Yeah, since the team "got good" in 2001. Apparently Peter King has been replaced by a 14 year old remedial English student.

But the Patriots will get a very good start on a bright future. They already have three draft choices between 20 and 60 overall -- their own first- and second-rounders, as well as San Diego's second-round pick -- and could add another prime pick or two if, as expected, they franchise Cassel and get a high pick or two for him.

Whew! I was so concerned about the Patriots, I am glad Peter King is here EVERY SINGLE WEEK to update me on their situation. Peter also included this in his storylines for the Super Bowl section of MMQB. If anyone can tell me what this has to do with the Super Bowl, you will win a industrial size box of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish.

When the Falcons traded Matt Schaub to Houston two years ago, they acquired two second-round picks in return. New England surely would get more for Cassel. As if the Patriots needed five picks in the first two rounds ...

The Patriots are going to draft 5 All Pros with those picks, like they always do. Unless they are going to draft Chad Jackson, Lawrence Maroney, or Brandon Meriweather again, just to keep the rest of the NFL on its toes.

I have nothing against the Patriots but Peter writes every single week about them and Bill Belichick, telling everyone how great they are and updating us on their newest options on franchising Matt Cassel. It gets beyond old. I realize they are his absolute favorite team, but quit fawning over them, get some journalistic neutrality, and wipe that powder donut stain off your shirt.

Haley told Anquan Boldin to simmer down late in the game when he had a personnel package on the field that didn't include Boldin. Boldin yelled back and had to be separated from Haley.

Didn't Todd Haley get into it with T.O. a few years ago in Dallas? Hmmm....that is interesting. This is the guy who is supposed to come up with a game plan to score on the Pittsburgh defense?

The Steelers had a nailbiter in the AFC Championship game because Sweed, uncovered while sprinting down the left side with one minute left in the first half, dropped a sure touchdown pass, then, for some pathetic reason, dropped to the ground and acted injured.

That seems to be what you get when you draft a Texas WR. But hey, he is tall and Ben Roethlisberger likes tall receivers, so at least he has to be happy. The game was also a nailbiter because of Sweed, and Sweed only, it had nothing to do with the fact the two teams have similar talent level and does not explain why the other two games were close this year. All we know, this game being so close was because of Sweed.

Sweed falling on the ground and pretending to be injured was really funny, but the only reason the Steelers even still had the ball was because the officials made a horrendous roughing the kicker call where the kicker actually fell on the punt blocker. I don't believe in karma, but I think this drop may have been karma.

The reason, mostly, is longevity. Three times he has played full seasons in an 11-year career. In two other years he's had 11 starts. It comes down to this: Do five outstanding years make a Hall-of-Fame career?

Remember this. Peter's problem is that Warner only has five full seasons of football.

Would my opinion change if Warner, who will be 38 on opening day 2009, won a third MVP? Or he won a second Super Bowl, with a second team? It very well could. Let's see what the future brings.

So if Kurt Warner has six good years or if he goes 13-45 for 135 yards in the Super Bowl and the Cardinals win, then Peter King will go ahead and think about voting Warner in the Hall of Fame. Who says the voting system these sportswriters use is arbitrary?

What I Learned About Football This Week That I Didn't Know Last Week

Also known as "Bill Belichick Will You Marry Me?"

The power tree in the NFL is the Belichick Tree, and no other coach has branches nearly as strong or expansive. But this isn't just a coaching tree, it's an overall football tree.

An overall tree of high profile coaching failures so far. Isn't the Belichick Tree just an extension of the Parcells Tree anyway? If not, at what point did Belichick get his own Tree? Was it when he got his first head coaching job? If so, then at what point do you need to not include Nick Saban in his coaching tree? Coaching trees have always confused me. I think I am dumb.

And Kraft didn't go all knee-jerk when the Pats slithered to 5-11 in Belichick's first year in New England, nor when Belichick and his personnel man, Pioli, chose to deal franchise quarterback-turned-backup, Drew Bledsoe, to Buffalo in 2002.

What a bold move! The Patriots dared to trade Bledsoe, who was near the downside of his career, once his backup has proven he could win a fucking Super Bowl. I would say they had a pretty sure bet there...but still way, way gutsy to do this.

Peter also gives Belichick credit for guys who worked under him in his wildly average Cleveland Browns days. I guess he hired good people but was just not ready to win football games at that point.

One of Belichick's mantra, those around him say, is this: Not all evaluators of talent can coach. Not all coaches can evaluate.

Another couple of his famous mantras are these:

"I am sorry honey, even though we are married, I am having an affair and have zero remorse."

"Point the video camera that way, I need offensive AND defensive plays."

"I will not have sex with you Peter King...and yes, I think that does count as sex even if Bill Clinton does not."

Sorry for the camera comment Patriots fan(s) that read this blog, I just get a little tired of the Belichick love from Peter King and I could have deleted it, but I get one uncalled for comment a month and that was it.

I just love driving, especially with a cell phone and an earpiece, especially on roads like I-78 in New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and the Pennsylvania Turnpike from Harrisburg to Pittsburgh, with almost no interruptions in cell service for 375 miles.

For those of you who live up North, if you see a car weaving between lanes with a license plate that says, "FRV4EVA," and you pull up beside it, see a guy picking up an old crouton off the floor, putting it in his mouth, and visibly talking on the phone about his latest bowel movement, that's Peter King. Wave to him for me.

On Thursday, I spoke with NFL Films video-dissecting guru Greg Cosell as the Garden State Parkway turned into the interstate headed west, then with Arizona defensive coordinator Clancy Pendergast just crossing over the Delaware River into Pennsylvania, followed by Cleveland coach Eric Mangini from just west of Allentown to just east of Harrisburg, Kansas City owner Clark Hunt around Carlisle, Baltimore safety Jim Leonhard in the Turnpike hinterlands around Breezewood.

How self involved do you have to be to think that others really, really care not only to who you spoke to on the phone, but you also think it is important to say where you were were when you spoke to them?

a. Enjoy the inauguration, Dan Rooney.

Is this the best place for greetings and salutations? How about saving your reader's time and doing this in the car on the way to your next destination? You were just talking about how fun and awesome it is to talk on the phone and risk everyone else's life with your reckless driving on the highway.

Barack Obama is either going to be held to a much higher standard than any other President in U.S. history or he is going to be allowed an incredible amount of leeway in his decisions. I have not decided which yet. I do know it seems like 43% of America seem to prefer him to Jesus at this point.

e. Julius Peppers wants to go elsewhere. The Panthers aren't going to let him, not without significant compensation.

I am critical of Peter King but he has done several good analysis of Matt Cassel and the Patriots franchise tag situation with him. I wonder what good stuff Peter has for this situation?

Look for this one to last a long time, for the Panthers to franchise Peppers and try to entice an offer of at least a first-rounder for him.

Um, ok...they could franchise him and get 2 first rounders for him in a trade potentially, so I think one 1st rounder would be too little. How about the switch to the 3-4 defense, have you talked to league insiders and found out what they think about this? You are clearly not too busy with the playoffs because you have time to update us on the Bill Belichick coaching tree, talked to half of the NFL population on the phone in the car, and included the Patriots "fall" in your list of Super Bowl questions.

Wouldn't be surprised to see Miami offer its first-round pick for him. It'd be a fair offer. Peppers and Phillip Merling would be a nice combo in the Dolphins' 3-4 scheme.

Mmm...ok. Not going to do it, huh? You could at least have had the energy to point out the Redskins got a 2nd rounder for Jason Taylor last year and the Chiefs got a first round pick and 2 third round picks for Jared Allen. Then everyone would see that a 1st round pick is not fair for Julius Peppers, who is disappointing to me personally because I always thought he could be better than he is, but is in the discussion for top 10 pass rushers in football. I am thinking a 1st and a 3rd is fair. I still don't know where franchising him could put the Panthers in regard to the salary cap.

Good analysis though. I wish I was a Matt Cassel fan, then I would know more about this situation.

f. Go get Rex Ryan, Jets. You won't be disappointed.

That sounds like a guarantee to me Jets! Go hire Rex Ryan and then if you are disappointed at all, sue the hell out of Peter King.

You know since the Belichick coaching tree is so great, maybe Peter should suggest one of those people.

2. I think I have no idea who's going to win the Super Bowl.

I always thought you were psychic, I am disappointed.

4. I think the Ravens are going to have to pay Ray Lewis. I know he's 33, and a 13-year vet, and logic says you don't pay someone really big money at that stage of his career, but how about $15 million to sign, and a three-year deal with low base salaries -- say, totaling $9 million? He made as many heart-and-soul plays as anyone playing this weekend on the defensive side of the ball, and I think he must be rewarded.

Peter King, the NFL Insider, has now turned into Peter King, the stupid personnel guy. At the beginning of the column King said Lewis would not be around much longer for the Ravens-Steelers rivalry, but he wants the Ravens to sign Lewis to a 3 year $24 million dollar contract anyway. Forget signing Terrell Suggs or Ngata or even upgrading the pathetic offense, now he wants you sign the guy who he thinks won't be around much longer.

b. The Cards sure looked like they were lining up in the neutral zone a lot -- and never got called for it.

You have ruined Peter's goal of having a completely Pennslyvania Super Bowl Arizona Cardinals. Now he can't just drive from town to town doing stories and has to do more work, like pick up a phone. Screw you, he will now nit pick little things about you.

a. Oh, Working On a Dream, by Springsteen, is going to be one of his best efforts -- ever, I think. The Wrestler is going to be a classic. It's a terrific song, and would be even if the lyrics weren't poetic. What a moving song. My Lucky Day will be a hit too.

I really hope Peter King has not illegally downloaded this album yet. That is illegal and wrong and I expect much more from him. That being said, I have the album already and it always takes me a little bit of time to figure out what I think. Initially, I am going to say what I have been able to listen to (8 of 12 songs) sounds a little rushed to me, but I may change my mind. Of course I am also measuring this on the Bruce Springsteen scale, comparing it to his past work, so it is hard to meaure up. Of course also I am not a huge fan of his pre-Born to Run albums (both of them), like Darkness through Nebraska-era Bruce the best, think Born in the U.S.A. has 4 tracks that aren't sell outs (and three of those Bruce regrets putting on the album), thought "Magic" fits in well with his best albums, and think his strongest overall "album" is Disc 2 of "Tracks," which is an outtakes album. Basically my opinion should mean very little.

Ok, enough personal thoughts and topics that deal nothing with sports...

e. Spent Saturday night at Jerome Bettis' Grille 36 in the shadow of Heinz Field with some of my NBC comrades, both football and hockey, seeing that the hockeyites were in town to do the Rangers-Pens at the Igloo Sunday afternoon. Great people. Doc Emrick, fresh in from New Jersey-Columbus in central Ohio Friday night, and Pierre McGuire filled with so much Devils knowledge that I'm about to burst. Asked McGuire if I wanted to make one hockey pilgrimage where I should go, and he said Montreal was a must. Montreal it will be, someday.

Well, that fulfills my need to know what Peter did Saturday night.

9. I think you can write this in stone: Tim Tebow will not get past the end of the first round in the 2010 draft. I've talked to too many people around the league who love him. "He will not get past us in the first round whenever he comes out, I can guarantee you that,'' said the coach of one of the 12 playoff teams. "I don't know where he'll play right away, but I do know that he will play starting opening day, somewhere.''

Next year if Tebow gets his leg amputated he is still going in the first round. Mark that in stone.

Who is this Tim Tebow guy and where does he currently play football? I have not ever heard of him.

10. I think the one offseason story I'm begging gets no legs is the one about whether McNabb has a long-term future in Philadelphia.

Peter may not be aware of this but the best way to not let the story get legs is to quit talking about it on your weekly column on a major sports web site.

I am going to go research this Tim Tebow fellow now.