MMQB Review: Peter King Keeps Brett Favre's Voicemails Edition

I was going to put up Bill Simmons' latest post today but I am addicted to Peter King and have to put up his MMQB. I would suggest rehab for myself because every week I swear I am not going to put up a MMQB the week and then I end up doing it anyway. I think instead of me going to rehab it might be easier if Peter just quit writing.

• The wild-card results set up Rematch Weekend ... and the rematches are of five regular-season barnburners. Philadelphia beat New York by six, New York beat Philly by five, Carolina beat Arizona by four, Tennessee beat Baltimore by three, Pittsburgh beat San Diego by one. Wow. You can't make this stuff up.

Are you kidding? Close games between teams that are all playoff teams? During a season where the Super Bowl Champs New England Patriots lost their starting quarterback finally giving other teams a fair shot to win? I don't think this has ever happened before in the history of the NFL. Fucking phenomenal, I just shit my pants out of amazement.

Giving a coin flip more power than Tony Soprano has now deprived us of a satisfactory ending to two pivotal games this year -- Jets-Patriots in Week 11, when the Patriots and 401-yard passer Matt Cassel never saw the ball in overtime after a heroic fourth-quarter comeback, and Colts-Chargers, when we didn't get to see the NFL MVP even play in the fifth quarter because it was a one-possession overtime.

It was all fun and games until two of Peter's favorite little quarterbacks get screwed over and could not come back and win the game, which was of course going to happen, there is no doubt about that. I think this coin flip overtime rule has got to stop immediately. It's not fair that even though both quarterbacks had 60 minutes in a game to score more points than the other team and could not do it, their season should end because some coin gets flipped and lands on heads or tails.

I really don't think OT is fair but Peter has never brought this up until now...which is strange.

I hate OT as well but the NFL MVP had four other quarters to win the game and could not do it. Also, the Patriots did not make the playoffs and were not the only team to lose in OT this year, please shut the fuck up immediately.

Brian Westbrook and Ed Reed define clutch.

Actually they don't...see?

Over the weekend, only Arizona-Atlanta was a relative snoozer. We had one game go to overtime, another close game get broken up by Ed Reed's acrobatic brilliance, and Brian Westbrook break up a two-point fourth-quarter game by being, well, Brian Westbrook.

Ed Reed's acrobatic brilliance overshadowed Joe Flacco breaking up a fourth quarter game by being the Joker and dressing up so no one knew exactly who he was. It was pretty bold of Brian Westbrook to break up a two point fourth quarter game by being himself. ink teams could catch on to that.

Shortly after this, defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz spoke for the team when he told Collins, "This is your team. We all believe in you.''

What he actually meant by this was, "Vince Young is our other quarterback, we have no other options. We are forced to believe in you. Please don't start drinking again."

So this is how the game sends Tony Dungy into his retirement deliberations -- wth the NFL MVP standing on the sidelines, never able to touch the ball with the season on the line.

It doesn't fucking matter if Peyton Manning was the NFL MVP or a practice squad backup, the rule still sucks, don't try to get everyone on your side by acting as if Manning losing was some great loss for the NFL. He had his chance to win the game and could not do it.

In regular-season history, by the way, 141 games (33 percent of all games) have been won on the first possession. That's 141 unfair games.

I hate overtime as much as he does but he is making this so easy for me. If 33% of the game are not fair, that means 67% of the games were completely fair. I think the NFL would take those numbers any day of the week because it means twice as often a game is decided fairly in OT. To put it in Peter's terms, if 33% of the time Krispy Kreme makes donuts that have double the chocolate on top, while 67% of the time Dunkin' Donuts makes donuts that have double the chocolate on top, where will he eat donuts?

I laughed all day Sunday when I kept hearing from the experts about how Peyton Manning didn't look much like an MVP on Saturday night. No crap, Sherlock! Pretty hard to be great when you're on the road in the playoffs and your average starting point all night is the 16-yard line.

It is hard to be great when that happens. Good point Peter! It's not like he was just voted the best player in the NFL this year for the 3rd time and therefore should reasonably be expected to be able to score from that field position! The Colts were treading water all year, with late game comebacks, and teams like the Texans falling apart at the end of a game. I would bet New England was a better team than they were. Quit bitching because Peyton Manning got beaten, it's very tiresome. I doubt you would be saying the same thing about Philip Rivers if he had started in similar field position.

True! Sports writers don't try to tackle. If you want to suggest players should vote on the award, well, that's an interesting concept, and I suppose it's debatable. But to suggest that a part-time back who wasn't the leading rookie rusher in football should win the award over a quarterback who led his team to 11 wins and the playoffs is, well, a bit flawed.

Remember, don't fuck with Matty Icccccccccccccce. Peter will clearly murder you at the first mention of anything negative in regards to the handsomest, most smooth skinned quarterback ever. He will take you and shove your head under his Toyota tires, while not stopping completely at a stop sign, and then grind your ashes in a coffee grinder and piss on them.

You know who's an underrated player? Jim Leonhard, the man who shares airspace alongside Ed Reed at safety for the Ravens.

Since when did underrated become defined as, "not good enough to get a regular mention as being a quality player?"

6. New England (11-5). Lest you doubt the bond of respect that exists between Peyton Manning and Tom Brady, listen to Manning talk about their communication, and his reaction, when Brady went down in the first quarter of the first game of the season: "I couldn't watch his hit. ESPN would tease it, and I would have to turn my head. I never actually watched the play. It made me sick.

If you ever doubt that Peter King loves the Patriots a little bit too much, notice how he will bring them up constantly.

Tom Brady and Peyton Manning has respect for each other because they are both share a career they are great at, I have no respect for Peter King because he needs to shut the hell up about Tom Brady.

I'm going to say it right now: For the Colts to go winless in three of the last four postseasons -- with one of the best quarterbacks ever, and all the offensive talent, with two excellent defensive ends and an enforcer safety -- is inexcusable. I agree with every good thing being said about Tony Dungy, who is likely to retire. I don't think he should retire unless he wants to, but I do think somebody in the organization has to shake something up. Going winless in three of four postseasons? With that talent? Not acceptable.

Clearly this is Tony Dungy's fault. Winning 14, 12, 13, 12 games in four seasons is not acceptable either. Get rid of him!

How can Tony Dungy get faulted for his team losing an unfair game that goes in OT? Isn't that what he seems to think, that the Colts got screwed over by the NFL playoff rules, but he also wants there to be shakeups? Doesn't make sense.

Hard to have a better overall game, ever, than Sproles had in the 23-17 win over the Colts. Rushes: 23 for 105 yards and two touchdowns. Receptions: five for 45 yards. Punt returns: three for 72 yards. Kickoff returns: four for 106 yards. Total yards: 328. His 22-yard touchdown run in overtime sent the Chargers to a divisional playoff game Sunday at Pittsburgh -- and erased the memory of a lost fumble at the Colts' two earlier in the game. "When your number's called, you have to be ready,'' Sproles said. He was, for four-plus quarters.

I like how Peter throws in the fumble that Sproles had on the 3 yard line like it is not a big deal. Even though the game would never have even gone into overtime if he had just held onto the ball. Wouldn't he be the Goat of the Week if the Chargers had lost?

I also, I dare you to type "Sproles" and not look at it thinking you did misspelled it. You did not though.

Now, of course, Sproles stands on the verge of unrestricted free-agency, after making $1.1 million this year. Tomlinson's cap number in 2009 is $8.8 million; if the Chargers cut Tomlinson, which would surprise me, he'd count only $2.1 million on the cap in 2009. Either way, after letting Michael Turner walk into free-agency last year, the Chargers will be taking a risk if they don't re-sign Sproles this winter.

The Chargers would be taking a HUGE risk because there are going to be zero running backs available in the draft and there are no other free agents available either, other than Darren Sproles. He is it. And why would you not sign Sproles to a massive free agent deal, he is 5 foot 6 inches and has never been a full time running back. He is also built exactly like a full time running back should be! Peter King for Bucks GM!

I say sign him but he is not going to be the next Michael Turner, so just don't sign him to a huge deal. My personal favorite free agent running back is Maurice Morris.

Either way, I don't think the Chargers can count on Tomlinson to be anything more than a part-time player in 2009.

What an absolutely bold prediction! I wonder what told Peter this? Intuition from being an NFL insider or the fact LT's carries and yards were at all time career lows and his per carry avg., and touchdowns were the worst since his rookie year, or was it the fact LT played injured most of the year and has a tendon tear in his fucking groin?

Predictions like this are the opposite of when he usually says, "we are going to be hearing more from this Adrian Peterson fellow" after he has made the Pro Bowl three times.

Reason to Leave New Jersey Dept.: Friday, 4:10 p.m. Leave for the 16-minute drive to Garden State Plaza in Paramus, for the 4:40 showing of "Frost/Nixon'' at big movie megaplex. Friday, 4:27 p.m.: Arrive at parking structure. Look for spot. Friday, 4:34 p.m.: No spots inside or outside a parking facility bigger than Rhode Island. Lines of two and three cars following pokey shoppers to their cars. Drivers swear at drivers. Friday, 4:38 p.m.: Much cursing of car volume in the Garden State. Finally find a shopper with no line behind her. Follow her to the spot. There's a latecomer zooming in from the opposite direction. I wait. Woman backs out. I park. Latecomer drives away, yelling, "Thanks, ---munch.'' Friday, 4:48 p.m. Frazzled. Thank God for previews. We miss nothing.

Clearly Peter King thinks he should get a presidential escort when he is trying to go catch a movie. How dare other humans try to go watch the same movie that Peter wants to watch and have the audacity to leave their house earlier than 30 minutes before the movie so they can make sure they are at the movie on time. If you want a parking spot, quit snacking on Cheez-Its, talking to Matt Ryan on the phone and watching re-runs of Family Guy and leave for the fucking movie earlier. It's actually pretty easy.

You know the reason the "latecomer" called Peter an ass munch had nothing to do with a movie or the parking spot. The person recognized Peter King and called him an ass munch for having his head up Brett Favre's ass.

a. I am mind-boggled that four MVP voters thought Michael Turner deserved the award and none picked Matt Ryan.

I am mind boggled you think Matt Ryan would have had as much success this year as he did without Michael Turner. I think Turner would have had as much success if anyone else competent was the quarterback. Michael Turner did not run the ball well against the Cardinals and they lost. Hmmmm....is there a correlation between that and importance to the team?

e. I learn a lot reading Mike Reiss in the Boston Globe. This week, in his Reiss's Pieces online blog, there was this daunting stat that illuminated what an uphill struggle it was for the Patriots to get to 11-5. Tom Brady was injured on the 15th of 1,102 New England offensive snaps. How many other teams would win 11 games with their most important player playing 1.4 percent of the season?

No other fucking team could do this because the Patriots are awesome! New England's only good player is Tom Brady and no one else on that team is any good and this year absolutely proved it since they won ONLY 11 games. I am glad Peter brought this up during the playoff column he writes because it is incredibly relevant.

Oh, has anyone heard about Matt Cassel and the options the Patriots have with the franchise tag? If not, then it is probably because Peter forgot to bring it up again this week. I am sure he will make up for it next week.

I hope Peter realizes the Patriots are not the only team that has ever had a quarterback get injured. The Titans won 13 games with Kerry Collins as the quarterback after Vince Young went down, Donovan McNabb has been injured for what seems like the past three years and the Eagles still win games. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the Panthers won 7 games last year when Jake Delhomme was injured and this year they won 12 games. That's a difference of 5 games, which is the exact difference in the amount the Patriots won last year and this year without Brady! It may sound like heresay but maybe the Delhomme injury last year was as important to the Panthers as Brady's injury this year was to the Patriots. Of course not though, because Tom Brady's injury in Peter King's opinion was the worst EVER. I am not saying these quarterbacks are as good as Tom Brady, just saying his injury should not ruin the season and a team can go on (except the Panthers who tanked completely) The lesson? There is none, some teams are good no matter who is quarterbacking them, while others are not...it depends on who the backup is.

4. I think Brett Favre is perilously close to leaving the game -- for good, this time -- and disappearing into a Mississippi deer stand for a long time. That's where I found him Friday. As you've read this weekend, Favre told me GM Mike Tannenbaum purposely didn't ask him whether he planned to retire or not when they met last Monday, because the GM feared Favre would say he was gone. Permanently. Favre told him he'd be smart to not count on him and to look for a new quarterback.

Apparently Brett's shoulder has been hurting too much for him to do his job but he has no problem holding a rifle all day to kill an animal with presumably that same shoulder. Maybe Tannenbaum did not ask him if he was going to retire or not because he knew Favre would not give a solid answer.

So Favre told the Jets to not count on him for next year and it is going to be fine for them to go get Matt Cassel or Sam Bradford to start at quarterback next year...even if Favre comes back he is fine with this? Somehow I do not believe this.

Favre also told me he declined to have right biceps surgery, even though Jets doctors advised him to have the surgery if he thought he was going to play football in 2009.

Such a class act and a team player.

So what is going to happen now is Favre will announce in March he is coming back, but needs surgery and three months recuperation time, which means he will barely be back in time for mini-camps...and we should celebrate his return.

I still have a voice mail from last March from Favre, saying he was retiring, and there was nothing remotely tentative about that.

In case you did not read that correctly, I will retype it in different font and in a different color.

I still have a voice mail from last March from Favre, saying he was retiring, and there was nothing remotely tentative about that.

Peter King has kept a voicemail from Brett Favre that is nearly 10 months old. This means he has to make a concerted effort to make sure it does not get erased. This is an obsession that needs to be taken care of.

Peter King keeps Brett Favre's voicemails sometimes. Why would he do this? Why, unless he was in love with the man? This astounds me. Maybe I should not be astounded but I am.

f. What a catch by Ronnie Brown. That's got to be the best play of his career, making a one-handed, diving catch in a playoff game.

What a great play, it certainly helped the Dolphins only lose by a little bit less.

7. I think Baltimore defensive coordinator Rex Ryan would turn the Rams into a 10-win team overnight. Do you have any idea how many headaches his defense, and his crazy overload-blitzes, give to opposing offenses? It's impossible to figure them out. He's your man, Billy Devaney.

That's all there really is to winning. Just blitzing a lot from different directions. Doesn't matter if the secondary doesn't have anyone good enough to cover a receiver one on one or the fact Ed Reed and Ray Lewis are not on the team. Blitz, blitz, blitz and it will all work out from there. Personnel doesn't matter at all and going from two wins to ten wins in one year is not a tough hurdle. Peter King for Bucks GM!

f. Peter King Word Of The Week: Supercilious. Like DeSean Jackson was on his final punt return in Minnesota Sunday. Did you see that? He ran out of bounds like the thing wasn't important, like he didn't care. Weird.

Bengoodfella Word of the Week: Dumbass. Like what Peter King was acting like when he doesn't think that maybe there were other factors that went into Jackson's decision, like "this is all the yardage I can get and don't want to fumble, "my hamstring hurts," or "coach told me to get out of bounds as soon as I could."

I wish I could quit Peter King but as long as he reveals he has over 9 month old voicemails from Brett Favre, I can't do it.