TMQ: Gregg Was At the Super Bowl and Understood Nothing That Was Going On

We only have a couple more TMQ's for this year, so I feel like I need to savor them while I still have them to mock. This week Gregg does some analysis of the Super Bowl and it is absolutely priceless. When I say priceless, I am attempting to indicate he had zero clue about what was going on during the game. His "analysis" on how the Steelers covered Larry Fitzgerald is priceless. Let's TMQ it.

The Super Bowl was fascinating from start to finish, and for the fourth quarter, both teams saved the best for last, reminding us of why we love sports.

No, the first half of this football game was borderline boring, at least up until James Harrison's 100 yard touchdown run, then it got boring in the 3rd quarter, and then it got exciting again in the fourth quarter.

(Note: I read the drivel that are the comments on Easterbrook's article and it seems that many of the people who comment are confused and don't think you can tackle someone if you have been/are out of bounds. I did not look up the rule but I am pretty sure you can tackle someone no matter if you have been out of bounds or not, you just can't be the first to touch the football.)

This season's signature play was a total disaster for Arizona, perhaps denying the desert team a Lombardi Trophy,

I am not a math major or anything but I would definitely say the 7 points James Harrison scored prevented the Cardinals from winning the game, since they lost by 4. Add in the fact the Cardinals were on the Steelers 2 yard line when the interception was thrown, and it made an even bigger difference than even Gregg thinks.

TMQ wrote a pregame column predicting, "Super Bowl XLIII will come down to how the Arizona defense performs against the Pittsburgh offense." Arizona had the lead with 2:24 remaining, the Steelers were stuck on their own 12-yard line; it came down to how the Arizona defense performed against the Pittsburgh offense, and the Pittsburgh offense carried the final two minutes.

The Pittsburgh offense against the Arizona defense was 50% of the game, so of course it was going to have an impact on the outcome. I am tired of arguing this.

Until Arizona's final first-half possession, the Steelers had blitzed only twice, "going against type," as elite teams often do in big games.

I don't have the game film in front of me, but I am going to call bullshit on this. I really, really doubt the Steelers rushed three guys all first half except for two plays. I will even say they never rushed only FOUR guys all first half except for two plays. I am pretty sure they brought more pressure than just four guys more than twice.

(In a 3-4, I consider anytime the defense sends a fourth guy at the QB as a blitz.)

The zone blitz is misnamed; announcers shout, "It's a blitz!" because six or seven gentlemen look like they're coming, but only four actually rush. The goal is to confuse blockers and to lure the quarterback into throwing a slant, every team's standard anti-blitz call. On a zone blitz, a linebacker or defensive end who looked like he was going to rush instead drops into the slant lane, hoping the quarterback won't realize he's there.

Gregg says the zone blitz is misnamed, he doesn't explain exactly why it is misnamed, then describes how a defensive end or linebacker drops into a zone instead of rushing the quarterback, thereby making it a zone blitz. Only in TMQ can you get such crappy analysis. Instead of saying the zone blitz is misnamed, wouldn't it be more accurate to say announcers call a defensive play a zone blitz when it may not be a zone blitz? I am being picky, I realize this.

Steelers defenders reacted beautifully, not standing around but setting up a six-blocker convoy along the sideline. Arizona's offensive linemen and quarterback Warner reacted beautifully, going all-out to chase Harrison and nearly stopping him.

The six blocker envoy also included an illegal block in the back that routinely draws a penalty flag on kickoff and punt returns. Don't let that ruin the story though.

Tim Hightower was well-blocked by Woodley at about midfield, then driven to the ground at the 30 in what might have been an uncalled block in the back. (Hightower was turning when he got hit, so TMQ would not have thrown the flag.)

According to the rule:

Contacting a non-runner in the back above the waist.

It doesn't seem like it matters if Hightower was turning around or not, as long as he got blocked in the back above the waist, which replays showed he did, it should have been a penalty.

I can only imagine how hard I would be arguing if I really gave a crap about the outcome of the game.

veteran Antrel Rolle stepped forward to get a better look.

Rolle is 26 years old and has played in the league 4 years now. Calling him a veteran is overstating it a little bit.

Hey, you young players out there, when the coach yells at you to step back from the sideline, there's a reason. If Rolle had stayed where he was supposed to, Arizona might be having a victory parade this week.

Gregg is really good at pointing out things that other people did not notice. One of the reasons people may not have noticed this play is because it was about Reason #57 the Cardinals did not win the Super Bowl. I would say the interception being thrown, the general laziness on the Cardinals in tackling James Harrison and the Steeler blocking on the play had more to do with the fact Arizona lost this game. Also, the entire second half had yet to be played, so I am sure the events during that time had an effect on the game.

he drew three holding penalties against Cardinals left tackle Mike Gandy. Television announcers tend to talk exclusively about sacks, but offensive holding penalties are every bit as good. All three holds on Gandy were drive-killers.

Not Mike "TMQ's All Unwanted Team" Gandy? There has to be another one. I know this Mike Gandy is not the same one who was 20th in sacks allowed this year among left offensive tackles because that seems pretty mediocre and there are zero mediocre players on the TMQ All Unwanted Team.

Sweet 'N' Sour Series: After pulling to within 20-14, Arizona reached first-and-10 on the Pittsburgh 26 with four minutes remaining, but then drew an offensive holding. Now it's third-and-20 on the Steelers' 36, and Arizona's coaches used a strange tactic. In trotted third-string blocking tight end Ben Patrick, who earlier caught a goal-line touchdown pass, but is among the slowest receivers in the NFL.

I thought TMQ liked it when teams passed the ball to an unexpected receiver in key situations. I could not find any proof of this but I vividly remember him complimenting the Cardinals earlier this year for throwing the ball to Patrick on the goal line at the end of a game.

The Cardinals lined up trips right with Patrick between Fitzgerald and Boldin;

I think the only offensive play Gregg Easterbrook knows is "Trips Right/Left."

Had Pittsburgh gone on to lose, people like me would have questioned why, while holding a 20-14 lead with time ticking down, possessing football's best defense and facing first down on their own 1 after the punt, the Steelers did not simply call three rushes to move the clock.

People like you, those who can't seem to think things through clearly, would wonder this because you are not capable of thinking things through clearly. There was 3:26 left in the fourth quarter, Arizona had all of their timeouts left. If the Steelers had run three straight running plays there would have ended up being about 2 minutes left in the game when the Cardinals got the ball back, assuming the Steelers don't get a first down and the Cardinals only call one timeout. If the Cardinals called two timeouts, there would have been even more time left over. Not only that, but the Steelers also have to punt out of their end zone to Steve Breaston and the Cardinals would probably end up with great field position and the ball with 2 minutes left in the game and two timeouts. That would have been a recipe for disaster for the Steelers.

Being aggressive was the Steelers best option because they did not want to be pinned in the end zone and if they had gotten a first down or two, they would have complete control of the game. People like Gregg should not question calls that turned out perfectly fine in the end.

Everyone hates the NFL overtime rule, which this playoff season spectacularly malfunctioned, allowing San Diego to defeat Indianapolis in the fifth period without the Colts ever touching the ball. Playoff games should not be decided by a coin flip!

I agree. I brought this up in October during an MLB All Star game post I put up, I am glad everyone else is finally catching up. The game should not be determined by a coin flip.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback kicked off the subject three weeks ago by proposing that in NFL overtime, a full fifth quarter be played but with field goals, punts and PAT kicks prohibited; only kickoffs following a touchdown or safety would be allowed. These rules would prevent the battle of punts that happens in overtimes, such as the Philadelphia-Cincinnati overtime this season;

So in attempting to make sure both teams get a possession in overtime, Gregg uses a game where both teams had multiple possessions as an example of why both teams should get a possession. I am speechless.

Say, in Gregg's scenario, Team A kicks off to Team B and Team B gets the ball at the 25 yard line and only get to the 50 yard line on four downs (because they can't punt), so then the other team has great field position but only gets to the 24 yard line before the drive stalls. Then Team A has bad field position again. What I am saying is that the team that receives the ball first in Gregg's overtime could have a disadvantage in field position if they can't get a first down, (so not getting a first down would hurt Team B more because they have to go further for a touchdown than Team A does) but regardless, stripping football of its basic rules is a dumb idea to fix overtime. Why not just have a Punt, Pass, and Catch competition? It is about as relevant as some of these ideas.

This is followed by moronic suggestions from Gregg's readers that fundamentally change how football is played in overtime, which is stupid.

Steve Fetter of Henderson, Nev., proposes, "When the captains go out to midfield at the end of a tied game, each team will place a bid on the yard line at which it is willing to begin the overtime session. The team willing to start furthest from its goal line begins with the ball at that spot on the field. So if Team A is willing to start at its own 20, and Team B is willing to start at its own 10, then Team B gets the ball at its 10 to start overtime. This takes pure chance out of the process, while adding the excitement of two sealed envelopes being opened by the referee and announced to the crowd in the stadium and the TV audience at home."

Would the sealed envelopes be brought to midfield in gold suitcases by Howie Mandel as well? I have a better idea, why don't we just turn overtime into a fucking circus and let the players choose an animal from a cage to ride/play on their team during overtime. Think about it, some teams will choose monkeys because they can throw the ball pretty well to the players, but others may choose elephants because they are harder to tackle, unless the other team chooses a pack of wild tigers, which would kill the elephant and manage to get the ball back. But then, how do you get the ball from the pack of wild tigers if you don't have a monkey to steal it from them? It's all about strategy...

Schwarzenegger is all too eager to lecture others about reducing their oil use, but he himself has no problem with being squired around in wasteful cars and won't even tell his own driver to shut off the engine when parked.

Computer-controlled engines of cars built since about 2000 do not require warm-up time, as they perform the same when they first light as they do after an hour of idling. Plus, so far as I could determine, there has never been an attack against a government official walking toward his or her car in the United States.

Yeah, there has never been an attack against a government official walking toward his car in the United States, unless you want to count President Ronald Reagan getting shot walking to his car in 1981, which paralyzed a Secret Service Agent who later helped institute a reform bill on gun control called the Brady Bill.

I mean if you want to include that, but I don't know why it would count. Who remembers that?

Super Bowl Analysis:

This is good...trust me, I would not let you down.

Through the first three quarters, the Steelers double-teamed Larry Fitzgerald, and the league's most dangerous receiver was taken out of the game. Often, strong safety Troy Polamalu jumped in front of Fitzgerald just before the snap and jammed him;

If there was ANYONE who reads this blog that saw Troy Polamalu jam Larry Fitzgerald at the line of scrimmage consistently in the Super Bowl, please tell me and I will apologize to Gregg for what I am about to type.

Not only is Gregg completely making up shit that happened in the game, this makes zero sense for a defense to do. Why the hell would the Steelers have a safety jam the receiver and leave absolutely nothing behind the safety? If Gregg saw Polamalu jamming Fitzgerald right before the snap where the hell did the cornerback go to? The corners were certainly not playing safety during the Super Bowl, I clearly remember Polamalu playing behind the corners. In Gregg's fucked up world, where the hell did the corner back go? Seriously, either Gregg is insane or making shit up.

If I am wrong about this, I will send an apology to Gregg but I know Polamalu was not jamming Larry Fitzgerald at the line of scrimmage.

a safety always shaded Fitzgerald's way.

So now in Gregg's magical fantasy world, a safety was also shading Fitzgerald's way as well. So the Steelers have given a cornerback, a safety (Polamalu) to jam Fitzgerald and a safety to shade Fitzgerald's way. You would think the Cardinals would have noticed at some point there was ONE cornerback to cover the entire other side of the field in the Steeler's base 3-4 package. Even in their nickel package that is two corners with no safety help on the other side of the field.

There is no way this actually happened in the Super Bowl, not only because I don't recall Polamalu jumping in front of Fitzgerald to jam him but it would also be defensive suicide to commit both of your safeties to one receiver. Whoever edits Gregg's TMQ needs to be fired. This is obviously something Gregg remembers falsely.

But Gregg is not done either...

Oddly, Arizona did not react to this tactic by having Kurt Warner look at Fitzgerald, then throw deep to the opposite side of the field.

This is not odd because the Steelers had 2 safeties two deep the entire game. That is why Warner could not go deep, not because Polamalu was jamming Fitzgerald or any other bizarre reason. I remember John Madden showing the two deep zone in the first half and I remember this because he accidentally drew a penis on the television screen.

Through the fourth quarter, Pittsburgh had either one safety, Ryan Clark, 25 yards deep, or Clark and Polamalu both 20 yards deep dividing the field into a two-deep zone.

I am pretty sure the Steelers did this the entire game and not just the fourth quarter. I am willing to make myself look like an asshole if I am wrong about this but Gregg's editors should have caught this horrible mistake. Seriously, this is not bad analysis, but actually just completely incorrect. Polamalu was never jamming anyone on the line of scrimmage.

The Steelers' defense is a collaborative effort that is about results, not personal stats -- and note that after his 100-yard touchdown, Harrison did not dance around the field pointing at himself.

Probably because he was tired from running 100 yards and avoiding professional athletes that were attempting to tackle him, not because he is too much of a team player.

Also on the final drive, Roethlisberger began pump-faking, which he hadn't earlier -- the 46-yard completion to Holmes was on a pump-fake off a zed-in route.

I don't want to be picky, but the solution to all offensive ills is not pump faking and going shotgun in typical running formations. Many times Roethlisberger did not have time to pump fake, he was so busy running away from Cardinal defenders.

Rookie corner Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie was matched up against Santonio Holmes most of the day, and as the fourth quarter wore on, clearly was outmatched. Rodgers-Cromartie was a small-school player, never in college knowing anything remotely like Super Bowl pressure.

Rodgers-Cromartie played pretty well all year, I don't know if him going to a small college had anything to do with Santonio Holmes playing well. Super Bowl pressure never affected Jerry Rice or any other small school player who played in the NFL, it is usually the skill of the other players that causes more problems for someone who went to a big or small college...and Santonio Holmes has skills.

The Cards have veteran megabucks defensive backs in Antrel Rolle and Adrian Wilson, why wasn't one of them switched onto Holmes?

Because those are safeties you dipshit. If the Cardinals had switched Rolle or Wilson to Santonio Holmes they would have had to find someone else to play safety or change up the defense to where there was no safety on certain plays or the corners were responsible for the safety's coverage responsibilities. Also, and I don't want to confuse Gregg too much, but cornerbacks are supposed to be matched up on receivers like Holmes, and safeties are supposed to be helping out with run support and shadowing receivers to prevent a deep ball, especially in the Steelers 3-4 defense. It's hard to help out on run support, make sure Heath Miller doesn't catch 12 passes and cover Santonio Holmes at the same time.

I am definitely not an expert on the NFL and how the defensive plays work, but I feel like I have a decent grasp on the responsibilities of each position. Someone needs to send Gregg a book that describes what each position on a football team is responsible for doing. Sure the Cardinals could have switched a safety to Holmes, but I really doubt Wilson/Rolle would have done any better on Holmes. There is a reason Rolle, who was originally drafted as a cornerback, was switched to safety and that reason is that he has more value as a safety.

In the end, Pittsburgh won outright, while Arizona benefited from several major calls or no-calls: three were two uncalled obvious holds by the Cardinals' offensive line on the Arizona fourth-quarter touchdown drives. (Two obvious offensive holds by Pittsburgh also were not called, one on a scoring drive.)

So both teams benefitted from non-calls or they did not make a difference? Is that what you are trying to type? Also, am I stupid or does "Three were two uncalled obvious holds by the Cardinals' offensive line..." not make any sense?

And did Harrison get the ball across the goal line at the end of the first half? Maybe, but if the league would simply chip the football as TMQ keeps asking, we'd be sure.

What if the end of the football that is not chipped goes across the goal line or if the side of the ball breaks the goal?

I don't know what NBC showed, but can report that at the stadium in Tampa, no controversial call or no-call was replayed on the JumboTron -- only plays about which there was no issue were replayed. It seemed pretty obvious the league was trying to prevent crowd booing, which would be heard by the international television audience.

As part of my continuing goal to try and teach Gregg about the basics of football, I will be glad to tell him that the NFL prohibits the home team from showing a controversial replay more than once on the JumboTron and so I would assume during the Super Bowl controversial calls were not allowed to be played on the JumboTron at all. If Gregg read Sports Illustrated he would have read an entire column about this three weeks ago.

Hidden Play of the Super Bowl:

A play that was incredibly important but no one remembers it.

Hidden plays are ones that stop or sustain drives, but never make highlight reels.

I like his definition better.

With Arizona leading 23-20, Pittsburgh faced third-and-6 on its 26 at the two minute warning. The Cardinals rushed five, and two Arizona rushers beat their men. Ben Roethlisberger stepped up between them, shook off a tackler and threw 13 yards to Santonio Holmes for the first down.

Ok, how was this a hidden play? This play ensured the Steelers would not have to either go for it on fourth down or punt and give the ball back to the Cardinals, who had the lead at this point deep into the fourth quarter. This will definitely make highlight reels of the final drive the Steelers had that won the Super Bowl, simply because it was a crucial third down conversion. I know I am being picky again, but I just can't stop.

But the final act of the 2008 NFL season remains: Tuesday Morning Quarterback's annual Bad Predictions Review. Here's a foretaste: Everyone was wrong about everything!

One more week of not enjoying TMQ. Let's savor it while we can.