MMQB Review: Free Agency Fiasco Edition

I would have probably enjoyed this week's MMQB even more if I did not have what can only be described as a mix between whooping cough, a headache, and a cold. Regardless, I still enjoyed it very greatly. It has everything I look for in a Peter King MMQB, tributes to Bill Belichick's genius, talk of how great Matt Cassel is, stories that no one really cares about, and more importantly, Peter King talking out of his ass.

Let's do it...one day late.

Last weekend had it all -- a controversial signing of a defensive star (Albert Haynesworth), one of the game's 10 best quarterbacks in 2008 (Matt Cassel) getting dealt

one of the game's 10 best quarterbacks in 2008 (Matt Cassel) getting dealt

one of the game's 10 best quarterbacks in 2008 (Matt Cassel) getting dealt

Just because I don't want it to be true, doesn't mean that it isn't, but on the same train of thought, just because Peter King L-O-V-E-S Matt Cassel doesn't mean his statement is true.

I am completely tired of talking about this but Matt Cassel did not break my personal top 10 quarterbacks in the NFL list and I am going to assume I am not the only one who thinks after one season where he was ranked #10 in the league in quarterback ranking it is a bit premature to call him one of the top 10 quarterbacks in the league.

I hate repeating myself, but he led a team that had gone 16-0 the year before to an 11-5 record while playing an easier schedule than the team that went 16-0 and he was 2-4 against playoff teams. It's not like he took a team that was sorry and helped them become good again, he took one of the best teams of all time and kept them above average. I wish I could drop this, but I can't. Peter King is absurdly in love with Matt Cassel.

So here's what I've got for you today:

• The real meaning of the Cassel trade, and all that is left in its wake.

Please update us on that trade because you have rarely mentioned this Matt Cassel guy in your weekly columns. I wouldn't feel right if it did not get analyzed seven hundred different ways by you to make sure your favorite team made the right decision.

• The most aggressive free-agency recruiting story I've ever heard. You've got to read what Rex Ryan did.

He kidnapped Bart Scott's children and refused to release them until Bart Scott signed with the Jets? He burned down Bart Scott's house and would not hire the "Extreme Home Makeover Team" to rebuild it until Scott signed with the Jets?

Actually he showed up at Scott's door a little after midnight. How audacious.

• Why Belichick not only didn't try hard to get Kansas City's first-round pick instead of its second -- but also why he actually prefers the 34th pick to the third overall.

Of course he does. Bill Belichick doesn't need your stupid first round draft picks to have a good team, he actually originally asked for a 6th and 7th rounder, just to show what a badass he is. Peter just wants you to know that Belichick did not get fleeced in this trade, he just didn't want to get good players. Because he is a fucking genius and Peter King is absolutely willing to buy whatever Belichick is selling.

A lot of people around the league are questioning whether Belichick did a favor to Pioli since there are reports other teams offered a 1st round draft pick for Cassel, which Peter King says is not true. Would you expect him to say this is true? He loves Belichick and everything he does.

I think we can all agree that Matt Cassel is a definite upgrade over Tyler Thigpen. Somewhere Dwyane Bowe did a fist pump when he heard this news.

After Scott secured the dogs ("I'm just glad Mater and McQueen didn't take a bite out of those guys,'' Scott said Sunday night. "I'd have had to spend a chunk of my signing bonus for stitches.'')

1. Bart Scott has two dogs named after characters from the movie "Cars."

2. How much does Bart Scott think stitches cost? $100,000?

At the end, the Ravens were at least $3 million off the total package of the Jets, who signed Scott for six years and $48 million, most of which he actually should see. Seems close to me, but it wasn't close enough for Scott.

Ross Tucker would be very proud of Bart Scott for this. I am still getting nuggets of knowledge from his "every player goes after the money" column.

"I'd always wonder if I could have done it by myself, if I could have actually been the leader of a good defense. In a lot of ways, our defense was like the Bulls, and Ray was Michael Jordan. We had a lot of Craig Hodgeses on our team, but we had a few Scottie Pippens too.''

Great analogy, but be careful what you ask for. I just want to point out that Scottie Pippen won zero championships without Michael Jordan and that some people began to question whether Pippen really was one of the top 50 players of all time once Jordan retired. There are advantages to playing on teams with great players and one of those benefits is that they can cover up a lot of your faults.

The answer is they didn't get taken in the trade of Cassel and Mike Vrabel. Belichick did underplay his hand, but there were extenuating circumstances,

Of course there were extenuating circumstances. If this trade were made by any other organization in the NFL, the general consensus would have been that the team got fleeced. The Lions got a 1st and 3rd round pick for Roy Williams just last year. Hell three years ago the Patriots got a 1st round pick for Deion Branch. I would think one of the top 10 quarterbacks in the NFL could get more than just a second round pick. Of course we all know Belichick did not want any more than a 2nd round pick, which I can understand because the #3 pick will be expensive, but I am not sure that is a reason to undersell Cassel and Vrabel.

And he had some pressure on him to make the deal early in free agency because the team was so snug up against the NFL's $127-million salary cap, and because he knew Cassel's value wasn't as high as it should have been because of his mega-salary and the fact he'd only played at a high level for one year.

So basically Belichick knew that Cassel wasn't one of the top 10 quarterbacks in the NFL, though Peter King will never believe this. To him, Cassel is one of the top 5 quarterbacks in the league.

I had two contenders for Cassel tell me essentially the same thing: They wouldn't deal a first-round pick or a second- and something else for Cassel, and then pay him a multi-year contract with a bonus of maybe $20 million and $35 million in guaranteed money. Too risky, they thought. (I disagree but I'm not running a franchise.)

Peter King would not want the opinion of Belichick, Scott Pioli, and two other unnamed teams to affect his opinion of Matt Cassel though. He listens to the experts like they are preaching the gospel until they tell him something he doesn't like, and then he ignores them.

Unfortunately Peter King is not the only "insider" in the league and the Broncos were reportedly willing to give the Patriots a 1st round draft pick for Cassel, and that did not include Vrabel being thrown into the package. No one says a team has to maximize the value they receive for a player in a trade though, so if Belichick wanted to give those players to the Chiefs that would have been fine. This just doesn't go with his shrewd reputation around the league.

And last week, before the market opened, I'm told he never got offered a first-round pick by any team in trade. I'm also told he asked Pioli for the 34th pick in the draft -- nothing more -- and when Pioli told him he'd do it, they had a deal.

Seriously, if this were not Bill Belichick everyone would be wondering what the hell this guy was thinking. Everyone just assume he knows what he is doing because of who he is. Peter King chooses to believe Belichick knows what he is doing, and I tend to agree overall, but I still can't believe no one would give a 1st round pick for Cassel. Maybe Peter King is the only guy who thought he was worth a crap.

I like how Peter phrases this, "last week, before the market opened, I'm told he never got offered a first round pick by any team," but the 3 way trade with the Broncos was supposed to take place (I believe) after the time period Peter is talking about. Again, Belichick doesn't have to maximize his return but this is very odd he did not get a 1st round pick for Cassel.

In essence, in the way the NFL pays rookies, the eighth pick's compensation is equivalent to the combined pay of the 23rd, 34th, 47th and 58th picks.

That is indeed crazy and it makes sense for why Belichick only wanted a second round pick rather than a 1st round pick. I don't know why he did not try and get a 3rd or 4th round pick as well though.

Want my crazy theory? My crazy theory is that Belichick wants to be known as one of the greatest head coaches of all time (who can blame him? He is already close to being thought of as this) and a strike against him right now is that he doesn't have a successful coaching tree (Meaning previous people who have worked for him have been successful in head coaching) like Bill Parcells has. I think he wanted to give Pioli a chance to build a good team in Kansas City because it would also help to cement Belichick's legacy since Pioli came from New England. Of course that doesn't explain why he did not give Josh McDaniels a 1st round pick, but that is why my theory is crazy.

In other words, if Cassel doesn't want to be one of the two or three highest-paid quarterbacks in football, they could get a deal done. If he does want to be in that territory, I expect the Chiefs to make him play out this year at $14.65 million, then, if necessary, tag him next year at 110 percent of his pay this year. But it makes sense to make a deal for the future, so they don't have to be laying out $30 million over the next two years with no future certainty beyond that.

I guess we are just going to keep assuming that Cassel is going to be awesome in Kansas City and will be good enough they keep him long term.

"You're not going to remember Albert as a bust. You're going to remember him as a great player.''

-- New Washington defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth, who signed a four-year, $48-million contract with the Redskins on Friday.

If you don't remember Haynesworth as a great player, he will step on your head. I am sure Haynesworth is going to be motivated now that he has gotten paid a ton of money. Hey, at least defensive tackles are not known for losing motivation once they get paid...wait, no defensive tackles ARE known for losing motivation. Sorry, I got confused. I am glad the Redskins did this AND signed DeAngelo Hall. They clearly have no intent on competing in the NFC East long term.

Want to know why seven-time Pro Bowl defender Brian Dawkins was so eager to leave Philly? It had something to do with being wanted, which, in today's football, is all about the Benjamins.

Money Dawkins earned in the last three seasons in Philadelphia: $7.2 million.

Money Dawkins will earn in Denver in 2009: $7.2 million.

It looks like the Broncos overpaid for that safety that Woody Paige wanted them to get.

a. The Houston Texans signed Dan Orlovsky for $9.15 million over three years. Stunning. They really think of Orlovsky as a solid backup quarterback? On what planet?

After all the contracts signed this week and weekend, this is clearly the not most absurd. Not if you consider the two contracts the Redskins handed out or the fact Dominque Foxworth got $7 million per year. The Texans gave a backup quarterback $3 million per year, so sure they overpaid, but it will not have the potential down the road salary cap implications the other deals I just mentioned will have.

Maybe the reason he was so bad is because he played for the Lions. I know he is famous for not knowing where the end zone is, but I am sure the losing culture and the fact the other players there stunk did not help him.

b. Fred Taylor, humble, helpful, classic unselfish vet,115 carries this year. Perfect fit in Foxboro.

These are the type of smart moves the Patriots make.

e. You tried on Houshmandzadeh, Seattle. Taking him up in a pontoon plane for a city tour and landing on Lake Washington and walking up on the dock to your practice fields. Cool stuff.

f. But I don't think you're getting him.

This is why Peter King gets paid the big bucks because he has such great inside information on players. Sometimes I think he would be better off just guessing where players are going.

Houshmandzadeh signed with Seattle at 5pm on Monday.

i. Jason Brown, the new St. Louis center, sure made a lot of money last weekend for a guy no one ever heard of last Wednesday.

When sportswriters say that no one has ever heard of a certain player, it means they have never mentioned a player in their columns. Because if they don't mention a player, he doesn't exist. The mere mention of a person by Peter King suddenly makes that person exist and gives them relevance in this world.

I had heard of Jason Brown and I am sure a lot of other people have as well. He played center for the Ravens, who made the AFC Championship Game, so if you watched the game, you have heard of him.

3. I think this is my one additional thought on these huge contracts and their huge guarantees: In 2008, DeAngelo Hall signed a seven-year, $68-million deal with the Raiders, with -- allegedly -- $24 million in guaranteed money. So when he got whacked in midseason, how much did he end up earning in Oakland? Exactly $8 million. Not $24 million. Gibril Wilson signs for six years and $39 million and leaves after a year. Insane.

If Peter is going to continue to expect sanity in regard to personnel moves from the Oakland Raiders, he is going to be sorely disappointed. The funny part is they paid $50 million for Tommy Kelly, which was the worst contract they gave out last year, and he is still around, while Wilson had a great year and is gone.

4. I think the best deal of the weekend was Antonio Smith, the versatile defensive lineman for the Cardinals -- and the best defensive lineman they had,

Wow, now there is a statement that tells you how great he is. The Cardinals, who are not known for their great defensive line, have lost their best defensive lineman Antonio Smith. He tore up the league for 3.5 sacks last year.

How was this a great deal again? The Texans gave 5 years and $35 million for a guy who has a career high of 5.5 sacks. Maybe he will play better with Mario Williams on the other side, but $12.5 million guaranteed dollars for a guy with a career total of 14.5 sacks doesn't scream "great deal" to me.

5. I think our prayers go out to the people lost at sea off the Florida coast, including NFLers Marquis Cooper of the Raiders and Corey Smith of the Lions. Can we hope there are tiny islands they might have found?

You can hope they found tiny little islands but that still doesn't help the fact those tiny little islands probably don't have a regular supply of food and sterile water. Keep hoping though...

8. As free agents go, I think I would want a brittle Shawn Springs right now more than I'd want Leigh Bodden.

As far as personnel evaluators go, I would trust my 95 year old grandfather to choose which players my favorite team should sign more than I trust Peter King.

d. Coffeenerdness: Mitch Puin, you threw me a lifesaver Sunday at the Upper Montclair Starbucks, and you know it. I owe you big time for rescuing me in my need-a-fix time when I was wallet-less and needed help getting through the checkout. Thank you.

Instead of mentioning Mitch in his weekly column, why doesn't Peter just actually pay Mitch back?

Am I the only one that thinks Peter intentionally forgets his wallet sometimes so he can get free coffee and have someone to talk to at the coffee shop?

"Hi, I'm Peter King with Sports Illustrated and I need a coffee fix. I have forgotten my wallet, do you mind spotting me a few bucks and I will mention you in my column. Have you seen that Josh Beckett, I think we are going to hear a lot from him in the future."

e. New York, and not only the football fans, is really going to like Bart Scott.

It appears that Peter King really, really likes Bart Scott. I think we are going to hear him mention him a few more times in the future.

f. Happy birthday, Marcy "Mike Ticey'' Fost. How old are you? Sixteen?

What is wrong with using a text message, a phone call or any other type of communication to tell people these things? Clearly, no one reading this column cares. I think Peter has a false picture of self importance where he thinks a mention in his weekly MMQB column is much more genuine and nice than a birthday card. As usual, he is wrong.