MMQB Review: Peter Puts Everything I Don't Care About In One Nifty Column

Peter King talks about a couple of things, like the Collective Bargaining Agreement and why coaches should be able to talk to their team after the Super Bowl, that I don't really care about too much. Doesn't mean he is boring though, it just means much like a U2 album you have to cut through the boring shit to get to the meat of what it is about. So let's get to the meat. Speaking of meat...

Leftovers from an all-business annual NFL meetings, with some news about an event to help the good Dr. heal thyself ... and with 26 days before the draft, what would an MMQB be without a nugget or two about the fate of the Lions at number one:

Food is ALWAYS on this man's mind.

Every year at the meetings, the Rooney family invites a select group of Steelers club officials, league officials and media to dinner in a private room. It's a low-key affair with a toast, stories and an early exit because this isn't a wild crowd; everyone want to be up early the next day.

The first story is about food. Also, I have noticed over the past couple of columns that Peter really, really likes Dan Rooney. Like "I want you to be my father/grandfather" likes Dan Rooney. Pretty soon he will be staking out Dan Rooney's house...in Ireland.

A few of the guests christened this one "The Last Supper'' because Rooney has been nominated by President Obama to be the next U.S. Ambassador to Ireland.

"The Last Supper." Just like Jesus before he was betrayed by Judas and then died after being crucified on the cross in the hot sun. At least that is the story in the Bible and believed by Christians. Funny name for a dinner, I just forgot to laugh I guess.

Rooney took out his cell phone and played a message he'd kept from the late Upshaw for three years, a message that was meaningful to him because it conveyed the art of the deal and the mutual trust the two men had.

Maybe Dan Rooney is related in some way to Peter King. They both keep cell phone messages from people for an overly long amount of time. These two are like two peas in a pod, perhaps more like peas and carrots. They should sit in a tree for hours and talk about what they want to do with their lives and Peter can hope his daddy doesn't come home drunk again.

Upshaw died last August. Rooney is all but certain to be confirmed for the Ireland post. So last week, everyone in the league was trying to take the temperature of what it all meant. And no one thought it was good. There's no natural mediator available in the league right now. Surely one can, and probably will, emerge.

Out of 31 other millionaire league owners, there is not a single person among them who can negotiate or mediate. I don't believe that.

One of the issues in the negotiations will be the amount of debt the owners have built up over the past few years. I'm told the 32 teams owe a combined $8 billion for money they've borrowed for stadium construction and other infrastructure improvements and practice-facility costs. That's about $250 million per team. And the players have always had the attitude -- which I can see too -- that, yes, the owners do have massive debt issues, but at the end of the day, that debt, once it's paid, is going to make the owners' franchises worth all that much more.

The owners are going to have the attitude that they've got this huge debt service per year, and they're incurring this debt service to grow the game, and so this debt has to be taken into account when figuring the total salary cap and salary floor per year. I know it's complicated, but that's the nut issue here.

This is exactly why I don't get into talking about the CBA all that much, though it is vitally important, because it just all sounds like millionaires fighting over money to me.

The owners need to get over the fact they have to spend money to run a football team. If you don't want to spend money and incur debt on practice fields and other facilities, don't own a football team. The players need to realize the owners are trying to make the facilities as nice as they can be to coddle them and make these millionaires feel special about the team they play for.

Compromise. Just play football and shut the hell up.

In his absence, I think Rooney will be available to advise the league, but Goodell's going to need another Kissinger to be a shuttle diplomat between owners and players.

Maybe it'll be New England owner Bob Kraft. I think it's a job Kraft would love.

Well, as long as he would love the job, he doesn't really need to actually be good at it. I just need Bob Kraft having fun, that's all I really ask.

How did I know he would be Peter's first choice?

Roger Goodell keeps saying the idea of 17 regular-season games with three in the preseason, or 18 and two exhibitions, is just another way of playing the 20 games that are already scheduled. Wrong. It's wrong because starters would be playing the full game in the 17th and 18th regular-season games, and now they play, on average, a quarter of each preseason game.

This is seriously not news. Anyone who watches football on a regular basis knows that preseason games are completely useless. The league wants to keep the amount of games at 20 and when the league announced they wanted more regular season games, everyone who thought about it knew this meant more games for each player. Those who thought about it also knew that the players would have a hard time going for this.

No matter how the league throws it out there, there's no doubt players would be exposing themselves to another four quarters of injury risk if the regular season is expanded to 17 games. Add two more games, and most veterans would be playing an extra six or eight quarters.

I personally don't like the idea of expanding the schedule to include more games, I would just like to see the amount of preseason games limited to 2 or 3 and leave the preseason where it is at. Teams are pretty beat up at the end of the year and I don't see a reason to change how long the season is.

"Anytime you have change, there is some reluctance," Goodell said at the meetings. "But it's clear we don't need four preseason games anymore. Fans don't believe preseason games are up to our standards. A key point is the fans also recognize players they want to see are not in those preseason games.''

So only have 2 or 3 preseason games. They can't do that because the team doesn't want to miss out on the revenue they get from home games? Tough shit, the fans have been paying way too much money for preseason game tickets for years now. The owners have been collecting money for games that don't involve many players who actually make the team for many years now. They can deal with the lost revenue.

This is a losing battle, there is no way the NFL cuts down the preseason and doesn't add more games to the regular season schedule.

Winning coaches ping-pong from one media obligation to another in the 90 minutes after the game, and they never get a chance to talk to their team. It's incomprehensible to me that a coach would stand in front of his team after every game he ever coaches, and then, in the biggest game of his life and his players' lives, the game ends without the coach ever saying a word to them.

I have heard about the tragedy of Darfur, the AIDS epidemic in Africa and that nearly every single person in America doesn't want to think for themselves and find it easier for others to think for them (which explains so many things, including the existence of many CBS comedies and what is currently on the Top 40 radio stations), but this is the worst thing I have ever heard of. Someone has to intervene immediately.

It is 57 days after the Super Bowl this morning, and Tomlin has still not talked to his team.

I just want to point out that if Mike Tomlin really, really cared about this, he would have spoken by phone to each individual team member and would not wait for them to be together again as a group.

I have to agree this rule is stupid that he can't talk to them as a group after the game but he could talk to them if he really wanted to.

Solution: The winning network gets the celebration on the field and three or four interviews, including with the coach and MVP, in a 15-minute on-field show. Then the coach and all players get whisked back to their locker room so he can tell them whatever he wants to tell them. Then, no more than 30 minutes after the game, every key player is at a series of postgame podiums set up in the bowels of the stadium.

This may be the first Peter King suggested solution that makes sense.

Well, Tomlinson, who struggled to a 3.9-yards-per-carry average last year, would have to put his career in overdrive at age 30 this fall to compete for a rushing title with 320 carries. Last year, Adrian Peterson won the title with 1,760 yards on 363 carries. Michael Turner of the Falcons was second with 1,699 yards on 376 carries. For Tomlinson to hit 1,760 yards on 320 carries, he'd have to rush for 5.5 yards per carry, which is seven-tenths of a yard better than the terrific Peterson managed last year.

Peter King's numbers seem to work out and he sort of has a point here. I just wonder why he hates LT so much? I know he doesn't come out and blast him or anything but he seems to be really down on LT's chances to have a bounce back year and also seems down on his overall football abilities. I realize LT is 30 years old but two years ago there was talk he could end up being one of the greatest running backs ever and now he is sharing time with Darren Sproles. I wonder if Peter's disdain for Tomlinson has anything to do with how LT has spoken in regard to the Patriots and Bill Belichick?

"Paul doesn't want to settle for just a partial recovery,'' his wife, Linda, says. "He wants to be back working, and to do that, he needs intensive therapy.'' Therapy like the intensive and innovative (and expensive) six-week University of Michigan Aphasia Program, where he'll get 23 hours of challenging speech therapy a week ... and which isn't covered by insurance.

This is a charity dinner for Dr. Z that is being held and seems really wonderful and like a great idea. I can't help but wonder why charity dinners are not being held for other people who were not writers for a major sports magazine who suffer from the same speech challenges that Dr. Z faces? I hope Dr. Z recovers, but for the others who suffer from this speech problem, I bet they wish they had access to wealthy friends who could host a dinner to pay for an expensive rehabilitation for them.

I also can't help but wonder if some of the money from the dinner is going to help others who suffer from the same problem so they could also have the same access to the innovative Aphasia Program.

Quote of the Week III

"Never.''

-- Denver coach Josh McDaniels, asked if he felt there might come an opportune time for the Broncos to consider trading Jay Cutler.

I think McDaniels means "never, unless someone offered me Matt Cassel."

As if they need the extra help, the two teams that met in Super Bowl 42, the Giants and the Patriots, have the most choices in the first three rounds.

Combined playoff wins this year: 0. I just felt the need to point that out.

Maybe the reason these teams have these picks is because they actually made very smart personnel decisions and accumulated more picks. The smart teams make smart moves and the dumb teams don't make smart moves.

1. New England (6) 23, 34, 47, 58, 89, 97.

Strategy: Look for the Pats to trade one of their three second-rounders -- and, if need be, a later pick -- for some team's 2010 first-rounder.

Sorry to pick on New England...but Peter wrote the Patriots may trade one second rounder "and, if need be, a later pick" for a 2010 first round pick. If there is a team that would accept a 2009 2nd round pick for a 2010 first round pick without a later pick, then that General Manager needs to be immediately fired.

Peter is drunk if he thinks the Patriots won't have to trade more than just a second round pick to get a first round pick. Even then it would have to be a pretty good pick or set of picks later to give up a first round pick. Meaning not a 2nd and a 6th round pick. I would be shocked if that got the deal done.

5. Atlanta (3) 24, 55, 90.

Strategy: His freshman draft shows GM Thomas Dimitroff will make a trade to chase a player he really wants. If only Texas defensive end Brian Orakpo were gettable.

I am sure I am not the only person who has heard Brian Orakpo could end up being Vernon Gholston II. I just wanted to point this out because he is getting a lot of hype so far leading up to the draft.

Whether he is going to be a great NFL player may/may not be true but the real thing everyone needs to know is that Peter loves himself some Brian Orakpo because he is like Chris Long. Both are white and have a great "motor." Peter would love to have a team full of those type players.

8. Tennessee (3) 30, 62, 94

Strategy: If the Titans don't get Torry Holt in bargain-basement free-agency, they'll join the club of good teams yearning for a receiver in the first or second round.

Why wouldn't Torry Holt want to catch those Kerry Collins "bombs?"

Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week

1. The Marriott in Dana Point, Calif., responding to my kvetching about no coffee anywhere in the hotel on weekends 'til 7 a.m., made a great call, starting this weekend. They've begun making coffee available in the lobby at 5 a.m. Good to see you improving, Marriott.

Kvetching meaning "incessant bitching." Why does anyone cater to this man? He makes a ton of money, make him walk somewhere to get coffee.

2. The stuffy St. Regis, however, is still making its beach restaurant a hotel-guests only deal. Someday I'm going to be good enough, and rich enough, to eat there.

Did Peter go to the front desk of these hotels and ask them if they changed their policy based on what he said? I think Peter believes he can have an incredible amount of pull just by bitching in his weekly column. It has been an entire week and I am sure the hotel has more important things to do than to cater to Peter King.

If wants to be good enough to eat there, be a guest at the hotel.

5. Drove past the Viper Room, where River Phoenix died of a drug overdose, in West Hollywood. It's a hole in the wall! Looks like some dive head shop from college days.

You would think actors would overdose on drugs at much more reputable and roomier places.

7. US Airways home from LAX Sunday ... $15 to move from a center seat to an aisle with a few more inches of leg room ... $40 to check three bags ... $7 for a salad. Welcome to 2009 air travel, America.

A salad for Peter? Actually it was mash potatoes, spaghetti, steak, and mushrooms mixed together in a bowl with hot coffee poured over the top. That is a salad to Peter.

4. I think, if I were Stafford, I'd be ready for some funny business when the Lions show up at Georgia to work him out. I don't mean ha-ha funny. I mean Schwartz is going to put Stafford in some uncomfortable spots and force him out of his comfort zone. If it's windy, you can be sure Stafford will be throwing his fastball into the wind, for instance.

How is this "funny business?" If a team is going to take a quarterback with the first pick in the draft I really, really hope they would not consider seeing how a quarterback throws out of his comfort zone "funny business," because he is going to have to make those throws in the NFL.

Someone please tell me every team does this to a quarterback they are looking at drafting and the Lions are not supposed to be geniuses for doing this.

6. I think, just to tease tomorrow's column, I'm going to examine the cases of the two men Al Davis is passionate about for enshrinement in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Hint: They both wore the silver and black.

What a shock that Al Davis would be passionate about placing two men who just so happened to play for the Raiders, the team he owns, in the Hall of Fame. Thanks for the hint Peter, I feel incredibly teased.

7. I think if the NFL begins to seriously discuss expanding the playoffs from 12 to 14 teams -- and believe me, the expansionist orators are preparing their speeches to fellow owners -- I'm going to be prepared to argue against that absurd, watering-down-the-game-for-TV notion.

(Bengoodfella quickly getting a headache) Why always try to tinker with a good thing that works? MLB added the wild card because there were only 4 teams that made the playoffs but by the NFL expanding the playoffs to 14 teams means nearly half the teams eligible will make the playoffs.

I, yet again, agree with Peter on this issue.

8. I think, still, that a division winner should not be guaranteed a home playoff game. Why the 12-win Colts had to travel to face the eight-win Chargers is still an injustice that too few people got exercised about. The solution is simple: Excellent teams should not be penalized for being in a division with a superb team, so the playoffs should be seeded, per conference, on the basis of record alone.

Few people get "exercised" about? I have never seen that word used in this context. I like how Peter is still angry over how that Chargers-Colts game ended this past offseason. You fuck with Peyton Manning, you get the wrath of Peter King.

b. Amazing how many movie billboards there are in L.A. You'd think they made movies there or something.

It's shocking how many bright neon signs are in Las Vegas. Is this really worth a mention?

c. There's something wrong in America when you go on the road, need a prescription filled and have to pay full price because you have your HMO card and your prescription card to show the pharmacist but don't have the approval for a clearly approved medication on the prescription bottle.

I don't get this. Either Peter was out of refills or he did not have the prescription for the drug. Either way, there is nothing wrong with the pharmacist wanting to keep his/her job and not filling this prescription. Even knowing American's health care system is messed up, I am going to go ahead and assume Peter was in the wrong on this because I don't know what "approval" he did not have, because that "approval" sounds a lot like a "prescription."

If someone among our 6 readers knows something about this I don't, please inform me.

d. Coffeenerdness: Very, very interesting coffee choice in Laura's neighborhood. Peet's, Coffee Bean and Starbucks, all within about 1,000 yards. That's a reason to live somewhere.

Oh, to live the life of Peter King and make residential choices based on water based liquids.

g. What more does Clay Buchholz have to do to win a spot in the rotation?

Have the Red Sox stop signing tons of other pitchers like John Smoltz and Brad Penny?

h. It's official: There are more dogs than people in the South End of Boston.

South End of Boston: The only area in the world with a lot of dogs. In my neighborhood, there are absolutely no dogs, just people walking goats around the neighborhood on leashes. Do you know why? All the dogs are in Boston.