Ten Things I Think I Think Peter King Has Not Thought Of: Weekend Edition

I have probably 25 articles bookmarked that examine the crappiness of the writing present in the world and so I need to briefly get these out of my system.

1. Starting with Peter King's Tuesday Morning Quarterback is always a great start.

Seven teams look interesting to me:

Peter means pertaining to the draft, but it could just be 7 teams overall in the NFL look interesting to him and it would not shock anyone.

Carolina dealt its first-round pick on draft day last year to acquire tackle Jeff Otah, and it leaves the Panthers without a pick 'til the 59th overall selection. The Panthers have never been afraid to wheel and deal (GM Marty Hurney learned the business under Bobby Beathard, who loved trading), and they could be logical trade partners to move up -- maybe to get their quarterback of the future.

Absolutely, ignore the fact the Panthers have zero quarterbacks on the roster that were drafted (all acquired under John Fox), the fact they have under $3 million in cap room, don't have a first round draft pick, or the fact they have immediate needs at WR, OL, DL and CB...I am sure they are going to somehow be able to turn no first round pick and five picks overall into a quarterback of the future.

Of course if they trade Julius Peppers, they will then have a first round pick...but I would bet $100 they don't draft a quarterback in the first two rounds.

Because of the failure of the Jason Taylor deal, the Redskins pick once in the first 75 picks -- at 13. They don't pick again until 79.

Peter was against cutting Jason Taylor this year. If they had not cut Jason Taylor, they would have one pick in the first 75 picks and an extra several million less in salary cap room...basically they would be in the same position in the draft, just with Jason Taylor on the roster. I just wanted to point this out.

"It sounds to me like Jason Taylor doesn't have the commitment or the stomach to keep playing football, especially if he's willing to forfeit that hefty salary. Good luck to him on trying to get $8 million from another team.''

All of those points are good, Benny. And there is probably more blame on the side of Taylor than the team. But here's this: The Redskins are without the 44th pick in the draft, and they lost it over a player who had one impact game -- the two-sack performance against Philadelphia. Think of the borderline first-round picks that could be had in a top-heavy draft. It's a big blow to the 'Skins long-term.

Even if they had kept Jason Taylor, they still would not have this pick. Other than the fact they did not give Jason Taylor a second year in Washington before cutting him, what has changed? Everything Peter writes here is still true, they just don't have to pay him this year to be on the team.

The fact that a deal for Peppers didn't get done around the start of free-agency means teams think the price is too high for him. Who wants to pay a first-round pick (or more) plus $14 million a year for a guy whose legend always has been a little better than the reality?

I always have thought Peppers was a little overrated myself but......the Vikings traded a first round pick and two 3rd round picks for Jared Allen. Allen had 284 tackles and 57.5 sacks the first five years of his career and Peppers had 255 tackles and 53.5 (and one season of 2.5 and 14.5 the two years after that) the first five years of his career. I think Peppers is worth at least a first round pick if you compare the two players versus what the Chiefs got in compensation for Allen.

Acknowledging Peppers is 2 years older than Allen, I still think he would be worth a first round pick if you compare what the Chiefs got for Allen.

From David Davies of Conway, Ark.: "Why is it, Peter, that it makes perfect sense to you why a GM like A.J. Smith, widely considered to be a boorish dolt of man from all I have read, can be lauded for "not paying (Tomlinson) for production of two or three years ago," but a player like Anquan Boldin can be vilified for asking for more money when he has clearly outplayed his contract.

I said I didn't think Tomlinson should be compensated for anything other than what he is going to do in the future. As for Boldin, it doesn't make much sense for the Cards to pay two receivers a combined one-sixth of their entire salary cap. I have never understood writers and commentators who praise teams for cutting players who under-perform but question the character of players who request market value for out-performing their contracts.

Peter didn't really answer the question. The reader did not ask if the Cardinals should give Boldin a new contract, he asked why Boldin should not receive more money for outplaying his contract. The reader is asking why writers question the character of Boldin and showing how they treat him for asking for more money, but not asking Peter whether Boldin deserves the money.

I think Boldin should be dealt for a low first-round pick. It'd be a great trade for the Cards and whatever team lands him.

So Peppers is not worth a first round pick but Anquan Boldin is?

2. Robert Bell of the Greensboro News & Record asks the question everyone is not wondering...why does the ACC ignore their lesbian fans?

It's been 11 years since George, a devoted follower of women's basketball, came out. She hopes it's not as long before the ACC women's tournament does the same.

I am for equal rights for people who are homosexual, so I don't want anyone trying to make me Rush Limbaugh...but what does he want the ACC to do? Have a sign that says, "Welcome Lesbians, Enjoy the Basketball Game!"

There is no sign at the men's tournament that says, "Welcome Heterosexual White Men With Incomes Over $100,000."

None of the major athletics conferences -- including the ACC -- markets its women's basketball tournament directly toward lesbians, and only a handful of individual colleges have recognized their lesbian fans publicly.

I get what this article is saying...kind of, but what kind of marketing is appropriate in this situation since the tournament does not seem to directly market to any other group of people? That's what I don't get.

It is impossible to know how many of the roughly 70,000 fans expected to take in this week's ACC women's tournament are gay.

Not really, you could ask everyone as they walk in the door.

On Friday, 13,599 fans watched UNC's quarterfinal victory over Clemson. The crowd was a mix you'd never see at the more-exclusive ACC men's tournament: children from area schools, dads with their teenaged daughters, entire families, retired couples.

And lesbians. Alone, in couples and in large groups of friends.

They are not alone if they are in couples and in large groups of friends. If you count couples and large groups of friends as "alone," then we are all pretty much alone.

As successful as the women's tournament has been in terms of attendance, Griffin and others believe it would do even better if officials would target lesbians in their marketing.

I would love to see the officials do this as well, simply to see how they would target lesbians for the tournament. I feel like I have never been marketed to, I like basketball, so I try to go to the tournament. It seems simple to me. Maybe there are lesbians that are unaware of the women's ACC tournament, that would explain how marketing to them would help.

3. This is one more reason I love conference tournaments. I like it when a very good ranked team loses the tournament to a team that needs to win the tournament to make the NCAA Tournament. This time it is Cleveland State beating Butler. At least Gary Parrish did not write, "Butler did it, in the Horizon, with a basketball," that would have been cheesy. Kudos to him for refraining.

This is what makes the conference tournaments so great in my opinion. All of a sudden the Horizon League is getting two bids and the power conference teams that are hoping to "win a game or two" to get in the tournament have to do the same thing Cleveland State did, win their tournament or at least advance to the championship game.

Some people hate automatic bids but if Cleveland State can beat Butler, why can't Maryland beat a team they have played once or twice to win the ACC Tournament? Then you have some idiots who want to have 128 games in the NCAA Tournament, which is too large of a tournament in my opinion. The NCAA Tournament is great because it is brief and exciting, we don't need it to turn into the 2 month long NHL and NBA Playoffs.

4. Rick Reilly gets paid millions of dollars to write articles like this.

A few seconds left. The game teeters on these two free throws. The shooter gulps. The packed gym goes silent, save for the tapping of a white cane on the back of the rim. That's right. The shooter's brother is under the hoop, rapping a cane on the rim. That's because the shooter, Matt Steven, is blind.

I bet you thought I was going to make fun of an article Reilly wrote about a blind kid. Nope, it was right in Reilly's wheel house. He is still overpaid, but this was a great story. Still Reilly could not quite stop being a little condescending and making a borderline offensive comment at the end while trying to be cheesy.

Since then, Matt's life has gone all kinds of crazy, unthinkably wonderful. His teammates call him Shooter. A girl says she heard all about him.

See, he is blind, so girls aren't attracted to him and ignore him, so one girl hearing about him is crazy and unthinkably wonderful. Reilly wants you to know because he is blind, he should be an outcast, but he is not because he shot those two crucial foul shots.

He's even thinking about asking somebody to prom.

Blind people can't normally go to the prom. Usually they have to stay chained up in the basement when it comes time for prom...but Matt did hit those foul shots, so he is allowed to go to prom.

I hope she says yes. Best blind date of her life.

See...it is a blind date because Matt is BLIND! Get it?

In trying to be cheesy Rick Reilly manages to make a pun and also sort of make fun of the fact Matt is blind.

(Reilly writing a story about a deaf baseball player named Jerry) "He now has a girlfriend and is thinking about asking her to marry him and he wants to pay help pay for the wedding. His future in-laws offered to pay for it all, but he wouldn't hear of it. See, he can't hear them because he is deaf!"

(Reilly sits back and wonders if his $200,000 check from ESPN has cashed or not)

5. Bill Plaschke, in the first leg of his trifecta of crap articles he wrote this week, checks in with Andruw Jones.

I'm standing in a spacious Texas Rangers clubhouse, on a gorgeous spring morning, speaking to a trim and talkative Andruw Jones.

I don't believe it. There has not been such a thing as a "trim" Andruw Jones since about 2001.

"Are you saying you're sorry?"

Plaschke, in flashes of journalistic brilliance asks this question probably 5 times in this article. What the hell "sorry" will do I will never know, but Bill really, really wants to hear it.

A couple of hours later Monday, upstairs in a spartan suite, moments after Jones hit his home run, I convey this apology to Dodgers General Manager Ned Colletti.

I can see Bill Plaschke running up the stairs and telling Colletti in his semi-lisp that Andruw Jones is sorry and Colletti responding by asking, "who?" and then getting back on the phone with Pedro Martinez's agent.

"Last season was the worst year of my life, by far," he says. "I got off on everybody's bad side. I couldn't turn it around. It really hurt."

Oh poor you. I am sure the Dodgers, who overpaid you by millions last year, did not have such a great year as well.

There are several theories about Jones' downfall.

It doesn't matter what they are. Here are my two and only plausable theories. Andruw Jones was overweight and has been for nearly half a decade now and he has never made any adjustments in his swing to how pitchers have pitched him. It's actually really simple. He turned into a fat guy who can't hit the ball.

So he moves on, but not so fast, as Dodgers fans at the Rangers' spring home Monday surrounded him with, yes, more boos.

Nothing says a slow news day like following around a player the team you cover released a few months ago and repeatedly asking him to apologize.

Apology accepted.

6. In Plaschke's second turd trifecta he does a puff piece on Mike Scioscia and it is just grand...meaning very puffy.

The spring-training office of the most secure leader in professional sports looks like the bedroom of a 12-year-old boy.

So this is either the desk of Phil Jackson, Gregg Popovich, Bill Belichick, Bobby Cox, Joe Torre, Tony LaRussa, Terry Francona, Jim Leyland, or Mike Tomlin.

"Heck, I don't know what my philosophy is, I don't know what my style is," says Mike Scioscia, spraying on sunscreen, applying lip balm, heading out to play on a bright Tuesday morning. "It's all just baseball."

I am sure this speech really won over Artie Moreno when Scioscia applied for the Angels' position as manager.

Who could have dreamed that the common combination would eventually turn the quiet little Anaheim team into its own magic kingdom?

Please stop. I just ate.

Under Scioscia, they have made five playoff appearances in the last seven seasons, the same amount the Dodgers have made in the last 20 years.

They also happen to play in the same division...wait no they don't...same league...again, no. What a great horrible comparison.

Then, of course, there's that World Series championship in 2002, a moment that could have been repeated a couple of times since if not for the Boston Red Sox.

Assuming the Angels would have not lost to a different team in the ALCS, even if they had not lost the ALDS to Boston three times. This is a fairly large assumption. You know what they say about assuming though...when Bill Plaschke assumes, he is an ass, no matter what.

Then he was rewarded by owner Arte Moreno with a contract extension that could take him through 2018, essentially making him an Angel for the rest of his professional life.

Assuming he retires at the age of 60, which if he is a successful manager doesn't seem too likely.

"Nothing around here has changed, not one thing," he says. "We just go about our business, we just play baseball."

Brilliant. While other teams are playing checkers, the Angels play baseball.

Scioscia was widely criticized for ordering a suicide squeeze bunt in the ninth inning of a must-win game in Boston, the play's failure leading directly to the Angels' defeat and elimination.

But the call was typical Scioscia, exactly what has made him successful.

What is successful being defined as? The failure of a play called by the manager that led directly to his team's defeat and elimination doesn't seem like a success to me. But hey, if this is typical Scioscia then Anaheim fans have plenty of time to prepare for disappointment. Hang in there, Angels fans.

Squeeze or not, he's still a good fit.

Do they teach how to write puff pieces in Journalism School? They must because every one of these ends in a bad pun.

7. Now for the final of the Plaschke crap trifecta. He thinks the Dodgers should bring back Pedro Martinez. Not a bad idea overall, but let's see why.

They could sign the three-time Cy Young Award winner, a 37-year-old free agent, and make amends for trading the right-hander in a ridiculous 1993 deal.

We have a winner for "worst reason to sign Pedro Martinez or any free agent ever." I don't think you should resign a player for making up for trading that player 15 years ago. It seems kind of short sighted to me.

Martinez is available; he's a 37-year-old free agent coming off three injury-plagued seasons with the New York Mets.

Injury plagued? He will be a perfect fit on the disabled list with Jason Schmidt. Where can the Dodgers sign?

Did you see him pitch for the Dominican Republic in the World Baseball Classic? In a span of four days, he pitched twice: six innings, zero runs, one hit, six strikeouts.

He did look good...against the Netherlands.

Yes, both times he was facing a group of bat-wielding speedskaters from the Netherlands. But he still threw 75 pitches in four days, 58 strikes, and dominated a team that beat the Dominicans twice.

Sure he pitched against some little leaguers, but they were state champion little leaguers.

So why not sign a guy who has already made the adjustment? It is clear that Martinez has figured out a way to pitch with a rebuilt arm, and questions about his endurance have been answered with his frequent WBC work.

Those six innings over a four day span really cleared up his questions about durability and whether Pedro is worth the money he may want. If the Dodgers are looking for 6 guaranteed innings every 4 days, Pedro is their man.

Signing Pedro is not a bad idea, but these are horrible reasons why.

8. Bill Simmons has a halfway decent (i.e. not easy to make fun of) column up today. For fear of inciting the rage of SimmonsClones, I will talk about it.

You probably don't care. Wait, you definitely don't care.

This sums up accurately how I feel about 80% of Bill's columns. Yet I still read them.

You see 15-20 horrendous calls or no-calls in NBA games these days. Minimum. It's unclear whether the league cares.

Watch college basketball. It is worse. Referees in college basketball have no idea how to correctly call dual possession or a charge call. No clue.

Maybe we should make it like a driver's license -- if you dip under 35 percent through 250 career attempts, you're suspended from shooting 3s for a year?

I know Bill is just entertaining me here and is absolutely not a journalist, but I want to look at how this number would work out.

This would mean 96 players would be able to shoot 3's next year. I will let you decide if this is a great idea...or entertainment suggestion. Whatever you want to call what Bill does.

I have been attending games since I was 5, and I have NEVER seen a more bummed-out player enter an NBA game than Marcus Camby. Ever.

Either this is hyperbole or Bill constantly witnesses history.

"The look on Dunleavy's face after Randolph jacked up that awful 3 at the end of the game was priceless. It sort of looked like the same reaction that Ryan from the 'Real World' had when he found out that Katelynn is a tranny.

"The final inbounds play that Dunleavy drew up had three Clippers run around like chickens with their heads cut off, then Zach Randolph throwing up a 32-footer with a hand in his face. Priceless. Can I please get a 'Your 2008-2009 Los Angeles Clippers?'"

I can see two SimmonsClones wrote those last two paragraphs. It must be nice to be idolized by men between the ages of 18-25. Overall, not a lot to make fun in this week's column by Bill.

9. I know no one cares what I think about the Jay Cutler situation. I will tell you anyway.

Josh McDaniels is an absolute dumbass for letting any trade scenario with Jay Cutler involved public information. If he thought it would not stay under wraps he should have never had the talks initiated and if he was going to start the talks then he should have approached Jay Cutler and told him what was going on.

The Broncos did, though, tell Cutler that every player on the team could be traded and he could be traded at any time.

For a team like the Broncos that need some new talent, this is a really smart policy.

Jay Cutler needs to quit whining and just be a man about this. I realize his feelings are hurt and I agree Denver should have told him before hand they would be trying to trade him or that his name had even come up in trade talks. Get over it though. If you don't think you can trust McDaniels anymore then tough shit, sounds to me like he needs to be traded, so I have no idea what he is bitching about. As much in the wrong as Josh McDaniels was for the way this whole thing went down, Jay Cutler is being a baby. It makes no logical sense to complain about a team trying to trade you by refusing to play for the team...then they will trade you.

10. Jay Mariotti thinks no one in the United States cares about the World Baseball Classic. I think he is semi-correct that few people care right now, even though I personally am watching the games.

Baseball picked one of the worst possible times to hold the WBC. It is being held right when college basketball is getting exciting and Spring Training is beginning. Serious sports fans are not going to pay attention to the WBC when the NCAA Tournament is about to start and when their favorite teams are getting ready to start the new baseball season. If they schedule it for early February or maybe December when college football is winding down, I think it would be a different story.