Let's Chat With Bill Simmons

There are many other things I would like to discuss today but I can't ignore a Bill Simmons chat. It's in my DNA to post something about it. I have talked about him a lot over the past month, so I may as well change the site name to "Fire Bill Simmons," which I am not going to do of course. I don't want him fired...now Peter King on the other hand, drives me crazy almost to that point.

One of my favorite things about Bill's chat is that his readers don't actually ask him questions, but they treat him like an animal where they ask him a question to get him to do a trick for them. That trick is to use his "Boston Sports Guy-pop culture reference" schtick to answer their questions. So they pose questions that are comparisons between two things and are references to previous columns or references to events that Bill discussed. That probably doesn't make sense but the SimmonsClones ask him questions to get his funny and pop culturish answers out and it validates both of their existences. One gets posted on ESPN.com and the other feels like a younger generation thinks he cool. Everyone wins.

Here is the low hanging fruit chat.

But Bill is all smiles again now that his beloved L.A. Clippers have won the NBA draft lottery and thus the rights to selecting Blake Griffin.

I guess that part of the introduction is supposed to be ironic but Bill does have season tickets to the Clippers home games and he would probably enjoy the Blake Griffin era.

I wish AJ's question had gotten posted. It was somewhere along the lines of why Bill Simmons complains about how he could not cheer for the Bruins because they had a cheapskate owner but he has tickets to the Clippers games, and they have one of the historically cheapest owners in the NBA. I thought it was a pretty good question.

perksa beast (boston, MA): Which was greater: Blake Griffin's pain on hearing the words"Los Angeles Clippers" or America's pain on hearing the words "Kim Bauer" presaging the annual slide of 24 into the ridiculous?

See? This is the type of question Bill gets asked that is borderline about sports, but this randomly selected reader from Boston, Massachusetts wants to hear Bill do his Boston Sports Guy-pop culture thing.

Bill Simmons: I thought Griffin did an awesome job of hiding what had to be the most disappointing and frightening moment of his life. Either that or he was heavily medicated.

Bill Simmons: By the way, I have already typed more words than Dana White did yesterday.

Clippers suck! They are the most incompetent organization in the NBA!...but I am still paying for season tickets.

Bill Simmons: It's really incredible. I am positive they will screw this up somehow even though it seems impossible to do so when they have the No. 1 pick in a draft with only 1 sure thing. You know what really jumps out at me? how freaking horrendous that Zack Randolph trade was. It was awful when it happened... now it's like 7 times more awful.

I don't want to defend the Clippers or anything, but you can't really make the bad Zach (there is no "k" in his name, you would think if Bill attended every Clippers game he would know this...yes, I know this is a nitpick) Randolph trade worse by pretending the Clippers should have known they would get the #1 pick in the next draft. The trade is bad in itself but no one really knew the Clippers would be this bad.

Chris (PA): Bill, thoughts on Rubio to Durant in 2010? I'm giddy about the thought, borderline elated, you?

I bet Chris from PA has never seen but one or two highlights of Ricky Rubio playing, he just know Bill likes him and that is good enough for him.

Bill Simmons: I have never been more torn about anything non-Celts related. On the one hand, Rubio, Durant, Green and Westbrook... wow. Those are four of my favorite incoming picks of the past 5 years, I sung all of their praises before the draft as much as anyone. All on the same team?

I bet Bill wishes the Celtics had a tight fisted owner and he could become a NBA basketball widow and then he cheer for the Thunder in good conscience. Maybe he should move to OK City and just buy season tickets to see them.

I don't recall Bill talking about Jeff Green all that much except in his trade value column and I really don't remember him talking about Green very positively before the draft. Every year he latches on to a college player and follows them during the year and then pretends like he was one of the few people singing these player's praises. He acted as if Westbrook was an absolute revelation last year, when in fact he was heavily recruited and happened to mature a little earlier than expected.

Every single one of these four players drafted is a top 5 pick so Bill is not the only one who liked them...it is weird they could all be on the same team though.

Bill Simmons: Here's what I would do if I were the Clips GM. I'd call Sam Presti (Zombie Sonics GM) and make him the following Godfather offer...

Bill Simmons: The 2009 No. 1 overall pick, our 2011 No. 1, and our 2013 No. 1 pick...

Bill Simmons: For Kevin Durant.

Oh come on! I feel like Bill is just tempting me to type something here that loyal reader Jeremy is going to disagree with me on and it will result in 10 messages back and forth and ending with me making a pissy comment because he has inferred I am a casual fan of NBA basketball. I am being tempted to make fun of this trade...and I will. This is exactly why Bill could NEVER be a GM for a team.

Sure the Clippers need someone to build the team around and sure Durant is a great player, but he would take a team with very little talent and trade away draft picks for one player. This is not a move a team like the Clippers need to make, this is a move a team that is on the cusp of something special needs to make. I don't think the Clippers are on the cusp of something special, though I think they could be with Griffin or Durant in a few years...but why trade 3 first round picks, including the #1 pick for Kevin Durant if Griffin would be a great pick as well?

I know the counter-argument will be that the Clippers would screw up the picks anyway, but they wouldn't screw it up with Bill in charge as GM. Kevin Durant for three first round picks would be the trade and then the Clippers would win maybe 40 games next year? You say he will thrive with Baron Davis on the team but I have a hard time believing they could mesh really well and they still have Randolph on the team with his contract, which they can't move so they will be stuck with him still playing big minutes. Not to mention they won't have a first round draft pick every other year so they won't have a chance to draft new talent every other year? I just don't like this trade for the Clippers.

I am not saying Durant may not be worth 3 first round picks, because I don't know what a 2013 pick is worth, I am saying the Clippers need to get mass quantities of talent, not trade away 1st round picks. Maybe I have too much faith in GM Bill to make good picks.

Bill Simmons: And if you're the Clips, you have a franchise guy who might be ready to become a superstar next year - team him with Baron, Camby and Gordon, trade Kaman for something... that's a playoff team.

Just trade Kaman for something. Anything. Hynotize an owner into taking him, that's all you have to do.

I have to be honest, I like how Baron, Camby, Gordon, and Griffin with Randolph and Kaman coming off the bench looks. Camby can help Griffin defensively and Gordon will have a chance to get wide open jump shots if Griffin is as good as he looked in college. Ask Willie Warren what playing with Griffin is like. He basically stayed in college one more year to show that he can play without Blake Griffin on his team.

The guy they need to move is Kaman who should have value. For instance, if I were running the Clips, I'd try to deal kaman to the Nets for Bobby Simmons' expiring deal and one of their crappy 1st round picks. Good gamble for the Nets cuz Kaman could thrive on the low-post in the East,

I don't know if the Nets want to take up space in the low post for Brook Lopez to maneuver. Not saying Kaman would not work necessarily but I am saying the Nets may not accept this trade because they don't want two guys in the post getting in each other's way. This would not be a suitable "Twin Towers" situation in my opinion.

I can't understand how Bill likes Rubio so much. Not that he is not a great player, but he barely pays attention to basketball at the college level here in America, but he knows a lot about a guy who plays in a different country? I don't think so. Plus, he always gets on Chad Ford for his extreme love for foreign players who have tons of potential. That's a little bit of a contradiction.

Al Jefferson (Minnesota): Please come be my GM

Bill Simmons: Sorry Al - I've given up on your T-Wolves after they lied publicly about how many people emailed them about my GM candidacy. I don't want to work for liars. . I'm switching my focus to the Clippers and a Dunleavy coup d'etat.

Bill knows exactly how many people emailed in for his Timberwolves GM campaign and he knows the organization is lying. How you may ask? I don't know, but remember Bill also knows what goes through every person's emotions during a game, so he must know the exact amount of emails sent on his behalf to the Timberwolves President. He is all-knowing, so we can never doubt him...

Tuck (San Antonio, TX): Bill, if you're the GM of the Spurs what do you do to capitalize on the last few years of the Duncan-Ginobili era?

Bill Simmons: I would trade Parker right now for multiple pieces. I think they need to start the rebuilding process a little while keeping the Duncan/Manu foundation.

Yes, it makes sense to trade the youngest guy from the core nucleus of the team and leave the two older guys on the team. Duncan has tons of miles on him and Ginobili is not exactly young at this point...but trade the young All-NBA PG, that really makes sense.

Rock (Camden, NJ): Um, you do know Tony Parker just turned 27 on May 17, right? And that Duncan and Manu are hurt more often than LaDainian Tomlinson? Why would the Spurs build around the two older/less durable players?

Excellent question.

Bill Simmons: Good question. The answer: They can't deal Duncan for obvious reasons (you don't trade your all-time franchise guy),

Very true. That is why Kevin Garnett is still a Minnesota Timberwolves player.

I don't get why the Spurs can't trade Duncan but they can trade Parker. Parker may not have been in San Antonio as long but he means as much, if not more, to that team.

Bill basically says trade Parker because Ginobili has no trade value and you can't trade Duncan, so you trade Parker. Remember he wants to be a GM for an NBA team. There was no real good reason for trading Parker presented here.

Dave ( Chapel Hill, NC): If you were the Phoenix GM, would you keep J Rich, Nash, and Amare, and try to go back to run-and-gun, or would you try to trade them all one at a time, and rebuild around Shaq, Grant Hill, and Nash going with a 90's style team instead of the run-and-gun?

Bill Simmons: I don't see why Phoenix has to blow anything up. They won 46 games even though they lost Amare for the last 10 weeks. Why panic?

Just to recap. The Phoenix Suns are led by a 35 year old point guard, a center who is on his last legs, and a young guy coming off major surgery and this team missed the playoffs this year...they have no need to panic. San Antonio Spurs who have a younger and better point guard than the Suns, a younger (by just a little bit) center, and a shooting guard who is coming off major surgery and made the playoffs...but they need to rebuild? I realize there are other players on each team that contribute, but I just wanted to make sure I got the general idea of what Bill was suggesting here.

The biggest advantage the 2008 Celts had was their ability to go small - in 2009, they couldn't handle anyone who went small and that's how Chicago nearly beat them and Orlando did beat them. They had no answer for the Orlando lineup with Hedo-Shard-Pietrus all playing at once.

Just to be clear. The "going small" team the Magic had consisted of a 6 foot 10 guy, a 6 foot 6 guys, and a 6 foot 10 guy. I know what Bill means, but I would not exactly call that lineup small since it was still taller than the lineup the Celtics put out there most of the time.

Brent A. (Atlanta): What did the Rockets series have to do with last night's officiating. It took the Celtics 7 games to beat the 37-45 Hawks last year. You are a joke of an analyst. This is incredible how blind you are to the truth.

Great point.

Bill Simmons: brent, if you feel that way - you must hate yourself because I can't imagine why else you'd read this chat. If you remember, I killed the Celtics last spring for their pathetic performance in the hawks series.

I think we all hate ourselves.

Bill Simmons: Glad you brought this up. Adam has a great voice, but would you ever buy one of his CD's? He seems like a theater guy to me - someone who should be leading musicals. The judges loved that he took unique interpretations on songs, but sometimes "unique" is a code word for "my ears are bleeding."

I have no idea what Bill is talking about here...but if I did know, I would agree. Every song turns into a scream fest at one part and it is incredibly hard to deal with. I don't think I could listen his music on the radio...if I listened to the radio of course.

Mike ( Bethesda, MD): So Spike did a commentary on one of the greatest players of this generation and that makes him a sellout? We can't appreciate the talents of other players? You have a mancrush on a player who hasn't done anything on a team that was stolen by an entire city. And you can be so hypocritical as to insult Spike? Come on Bill you are better than that.

Man, someone let the haters out today.

Daniel (Big Lake, MN): What would you actually do to the Wolves roster if you were the GM? They have that "sweet" sixth pick!

Bill Simmons: I think this draft stinks. I like Griffin and Rubio, and after that, I like the 8-12 range where you might get Curry, Lawson or Flynn. I know those 5 guys are NBA starters. I don't know about anyone else. If I were the T-Wolves, I'd just draft Curry sixth. I don't have many certainties about the 2009 Draft, but here's one: Curry is going to make threes in the NBA and create shots for other guys.

I don't understand at all how Bill, who admittedly watched very little college basketball this year and did not enjoy it when he did, knows this is a weak draft. Maybe he is right, we will see, but I think this isn't as weak of a draft as Bill makes it out to be.

mike (boston): Bill, I'm pretty bummed out about the Celtics' prospects in the future. The Big three are aging quickly and they have not cap flexibility to add any good young pieces going forward. I feel like we're looking at another 22 year drought. Help...what would you do if you were Danny Ainge?

Bill Simmons: They're fine. They were worn down - they played 200-plus games (including 40 playoff games) in the span of 19 months and didn't have KG. Perk and Rondo will be a year better, KG will be back, they have 6 mill of expiring conttracts to deal

No other team has played that many games in such a short time span. Surely none of the Pistons teams that went to 6 straight conference finals...or the Lakers teams that three-peated at the end of the 90's and the beginning of the decade.

Jason (Reno, NV): Blake Griffin is overrated. Why do you think he's a sure thing? He can't shoot, can't dribble, and is undersized. I think he'll be able to rebound and pass, but that's it. He's Varejao or Noah, that's it. Rubio was awesome in the Olympics and I think he's got a chance to be a special player.

I know nothing about Rubio so that is why I don't comment on him. I saw him in the Olympics as well and he looked pretty good...but that doesn't make me an expert. Apparently other people feel like this gives them permission to fawn over Rubio. They saw him play in a tournament and he played well, therefore he is great. Small sample sizes are awesome.

For the record, I am down on Thabeet and don't believe he will be a great pro. I did not like DeAndre Jordan last year because he was projected in the first round and he was taken in the second round, which was actually good value. First round though? No thanks. I feel the same about Thabeet. If he got drafted mid-1st round I could get behind the selection, but otherwise I feel like his game jas big questions offensively for a lottery pick.

Bill Simmons: This year was confusing- I can't explain it. I thought March Madness was exruciatingly awful this season. Just painful. I couldn't stand it. Bad product with uninteresting players. Maybe it's like anything else - totally random and you just never know when it's going to be a good year.

I personally enjoyed the NCAA TOURNAMENT (not fucking March Madness---does Bill work for CBS? That is what they call it for marketing purposes) this year, but I like college basketball. I did not find the players uninteresting.

Bill Simmons: The Magic just needed 7 games to beat a Celtics team that had 2 scorers with dead legs, Scalabrine/Marbury/House as their bench and actually ran a game-ending play for Glen Davis. Don't start thinking Orlando is good please.

They handed the Cavs their 3rd loss at home this year last night. I don't think Orlando is that great but I may have to change my mind soon.

Of course this could be a 2001 NBA Finals situation where the 76ers came out and beat the Lakers at home and the Lakers just kind of took it and decided they were going to go ahead and beat them the next four games and not let the 76ers get their hopes up anymore. We'll see.

Bill Simmons: And probably would have if PP makes those 2 FT's with 3 mins to go in Game 6... that swung the series. Agreed. Let's all settle down on the Magic. They will be lucky to win 1 game.

They were lucky.

Dan Gerber (Kalispell, Montana): Is there a current NBA coach that you have not called an idiot? Other than PJ.

Bill Simmons: I like plenty of coaches: Sloan, Jackson, Popovich, Carlisle, Jim O'Brien, Scotty Brooks, Scott Skiles...

Michael (New York): All those coaches are white!

Clearly proof that Bill is a racist.

Bill really knocks the Orlando Magic in this chat. I know they have only won one game but he is going to look pretty bad if they beat the Cavs.

Jeremy (Boston): Who's your sleeper in this draft that every lottery GM will pass over? Dejuan Blair? He absolutely owned Thabeet this year, coming from a UConn alum, but will be picked 10-15 picks after him. Gotta love the TUP of a soft, foul-prone center with no post moves. Wait, isn't that Andrew Bynum?

Since Bill doesn't know anything about college players he just agrees with this guy about Blair being a sleeper.

My sleeper is Ty Lawson. I saw this guy for three years and he has improved every year. He is fast, he has improved his jump shot, and makes great decisions with the ball. The entire UNC team last year performed according to his lead and that was not an untalented team. If he goes above #16 then something is wrong in my book. I also think Damion James, if he goes in the second round, will be a steal.

CB (Louisville): The steal will be Earl Clark. He wont get picked til 12-20 and is more athletically gifted than just about everyone in the draft. You should have seen this kid two years ago, his improvement has been stunning. Also, mark my words, the ULTIMATE BUST is going to be James Harden. You will be using him as an example for every NBA-related column by 2011.

Bill Simmons: I'm with you on Harden. If you didn't do it consistently in college, why should I think you'll do it in the pros?

I love it when Bill talks college basketball. Earl Clark is going in the top 10. He is projected to go there. He has talent but has never been consistent with that talent and the NBA will eat that up. If anything, Earl Clark has regressed over the past couple of years. He was on the Naismith Watch List at the beginning of the year and then became the 3rd best player on that Louisville team by the end of the year. For this fucking moron from Louisville and Bill to knock Harden because he was not consistent, but like Earl Clark's potential is the very definition of a contradiction. Look at any scouting report on Clark. He is inconsistent and doesn't always get a lot out of his talent, that's what they will say. You can't knock Harden for the very thing that Earl Clark is the very definition of. Well you can, but you can't expect to be right about it.

That's all Bill had for the day. Look forward to the comments...maybe everyone will agree with everything I wrote...probably not though.