MMQB Review: Peter King Puts Up a Power Poll

Apparently Peter King spent so much time this week ensuring that Dr. Z, and only Dr. Z, gets wonderful medical attention for his strokes he didn't have time to any NFL Insidering, so he decided to put up a power poll of the best teams in the NFL. It's all according to his opinion, which no rational person generally shares. Of course this is all speculation but I still manage to disagree with many of his choices. He irritates me ever so much. I would have almost felt better if he had just left some teams out completely and just ignored them.

MMQB

You'll find one very predictable thing in common with every top team in my annual Tick Off Half The Football Fans In America Post-Free-Agency, Post-Draft NFL Power Rankings:

You tend to rank the teams that are located closer to you and the ones that give you the most access higher in the Peter King Random Drawing Power Poll?

Look at the top dozen teams. Every one has a quarterback you wouldn't be shocked to see playing deep into the playoffs this year.

While the many of the others ranked below #12 actually HAVE quarterbacks who have played deep into the playoffs before.

It's still 11 weeks before most teams enter training camp, but the personnel hay is in the barn for almost every team. Maybe Anquan Boldin gets dealt; maybe Brett Favre comes back (more on him in 10 Things). But there won't be much major roster-tweaking before the camp begins.

Absolutely nothing is going to change over the next 11 weeks that could affect a team's standing in Peter's arbitrary power rankings. I couldn't agree less.

I'll tell you the biggest thing -- concern about Tom Brady's knee. And if there were any real reason to be concerned, Bill Belichick wouldn't have traded Matt Cassel to Kansas City.

Among Bill Belichick's many talents is the ability to see the future and then make personnel moves based on this. He KNOWS Brady's knee is perfectly fine and that's all he needs to know. He also probably would not have traded Cassel if he didn't cost $14 million under the salary cap, which was as much of a factor in the decision as Brady's knee recovery was. Let's let Peter ignore that factor and not criticize him too much for this.

2. Pittsburgh

Other than losing Bryant McFadden (free agency, Arizona), nothing significant happened to a deep roster this offseason.

Well apparently only losing one starter also can get you bumped down to #18 (Sorry I got bitter for a second). Not Pittsburgh though. They did nothing to improve the offensive line that caused Ben Roethlisberger to run around crazily during the Super Bowl...I guess that is not a real problem in Peter's eyes.

I worry a little about Hines Ward surviving another physical season, because there's not a good possession-receiver/playmaker behind him. I worry about Casey Hampton being in shape. When those are your biggest worries about a team, that team's in pretty good shape.

I realize they won the Super Bowl, and again kudos, but I still don't like their offensive line. I may have said that last year as well.

4. Chicago

I may not like how Jay Cutler babied his way out of Denver, but by Labor Day, the football world will have forgotten, and by Thanksgiving, the most popular baby name in Chicagoland will be Jay.

I doubt the most popular baby name in Chicago will EVER be "Jay." I think the city of Chicago's citizens will be sure to never name their child "Jay" even if Cutler wins 9 Super Bowls with the Bears. Not unless the child's first name is "Jay" and its middle name is "Notmariotti."

(Angelo should have guaranteed Torry Holt more money to get him to come to the Windy City).

Peter King develops infatuations with players and I just don't get his infatuation with Torry Holt. Holt is going to be 33 when the season starts and guaranteeing tons of money to guys like that is always a risk. I am well aware he still has some gas left in his tank and sure, he would have helped the Bears, but I am not sure overpaying for him is smart. Peter wants every team to sign Torry Holt, he may as well be his fucking agent.

6. Philadelphia

To me, this is the start of a two-year window for the Eagles. You don't know how much longer Donovan McNabb has at some form of his peak, and if he doesn't get the job done this year or next, the Eagles are sure to look for someone who can lift a talented team over the top.

Yes, I am sure the Eagles are going to go out and find a quarterback who can play well if McNabb doesn't perform well. If only they had drafted a QB in the second round over the last couple of years who knew the system and could start if McNabb underperforms...if only Peter knew anything in-depth about his favorite teams...

The offense will be younger and more explosive with DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin sure to be used in many three-receiver sets, and maybe even some two-receiver sets.

Two-receiver sets? I know it is a term but it is not one that I hear all that often for some reason. Ok, I don't understand something here. Peter dismisses the Giants by saying rarely have two rookie wide receivers led a team to the Super Bowl,

I've said I wished the Giants had acquired a veteran receiver like Anquan Boldin, because no team ever rides the backs of one or two rookie receivers to the Super Bowl.

but somehow he thinks the second year player Jackson and rookie Maclin could lead the Eagles to the Super Bowl. Either his theory is shit or he doesn't actually pay attention to what he writes. Of course he also ranks the Giants #3, so I have no idea what any of this means.

I bet there haven't been 20 seasons -- ever -- as statistically impressive as the one Rivers had last year: 65 percent passing, 4,009 yards, plus-23 touchdown-to-interception differential.

It's Monday and I am lazy today, but I would bet there have been 20 seasons as statistically impressive as the year Rivers had. Again, I am too lazy to look it up today, but I without looking I would say there have been.

This team's good enough to win 13, but it has to survive the toughest road schedule in the league: at Pittsburgh, at the Giants, at Dallas, at Tennessee, all in the last three months.

Other than playing in the second shittiest division in the NFL, what the hell have the Chargers done in the offseason to make up 5 games? I really believe Peter's weekly power rankings are the most absurd thing about his columns and that is saying a lot.

The one looming problem they have entering camp, now that Bart Scott has flown the coop, is making sure there's no job action by Terrell Suggs, who has been franchised and is skipping mini-camp activities for now.

Which we will get to read nothing about in Peter's weekly MMQB because he is too focused on how great the Eagles draft was and how smart the Chiefs are now that Scott Pioli is in charge.

The team that played in the AFC Championship game has one of its best defenders holding out of camp? This is news I as a football fan want to know.

10. Tennessee

Second team in the top 10 that should have tried harder and offered more to get Torry Holt.

Peter L-O-V-E-S Torry Holt. Every team should have offered more money for Holt, millions upon millions of dollars in guaranteed money...at least according to Peter King.

I don't worry much about Collins, except about him surviving 16 games; he turns 37 this year and the team is up the creek without a paddle without him playing well.

This tells you enough about Peter King's ability to analyze that he doesn't worry about Kerry Collins and thinks this same guy who turns 37 this year and has never put together two straight great seasons will be a constant for the Titans. I guess the good news is that Collins actually wasn't very good last year, so the Titans won't have to worry about him trying to put two back-to-back seasons together.

We don't know who will play quarterback for the Vikes. But either Sage Rosenfels or Favre would be better than Gus Frerotte. Eight times they scored 28 or more last year, mostly with Frerotte playing.

28 points in 8 games sounds pretty good to me. Especially with that Viking defense. So why was Gus Frerotte so bad again? Why did Peter say the other two are better than Frerotte and then quote a statistic that was complimentary to Frerotte?

16. New York Jets

The key will be whether Mark Sanchez can adapt to Brian Schottenheimer's offense and digest it in time to play very early, like opening day.

The key could also be whether Sanchez is even a good quarterback at all. But hey, I guess it is a given that he is going to be a Pro Bowler.

I could see the Jets anywhere between 6-10 and 11-5.

But the key point is that he thinks they are the 16th best team in the NFL...and they may go 11-5. If this makes sense to you, Peter King should be your favorite columnist.

17. Miami

They won the AFC East last year and lost no player of significance, yet Peter has them as worse than the Jets who have a new head coach and a rookie QB. I am not saying the Dolphins are going to actually be better than the Jets but if you just look at the teams on paper, which is all you can base it on now, the Dolphins are a better team in my opinion.

18. Carolina

Went 12-4 last year, lost one player on defense and otherwise has the entire starting offense and defense back. Sure, I can see this, especially in the NFC South where Peter only has one team ranked above them in his arbitrary power poll. Ok, I am lying, I can't see this.

I can't get the taste of that last game out of my mouth. That was as bad a game as I've seen a playoff quarterback play in years, and as much as I admire Jake Delhomme as a person and like him as a player, I'm going to have to see him play better than the guy who was just OK (59 percent completions, 206 passing yards a game) last year.

Delhomme's numbers are better than Kerry Collins' numbers in every single category almost, but Delhomme was just "ok" last year while Collins is a quarterback Peter King has no questions about. If anyone can understand this reasoning, please email or make a comment about this. I have nothing for or against Delhomme, but how is Kerry Collins a certainty for the Titans and Jake Delhomme the reason the same 12-4 team he led last year is going to fail this year?

Points allowed, last seven games: 45, 31, 23, 10, 34, 31, 33. So pardon me if I'm not on the Panthers bandwagon just yet.

Defensive coordinator got fired. The last four games were against the Broncos, Giants (in OT), the Saints (when Brees was trying to break Marino's record), and the Cardinals (who played pretty well for a four week stretch). Not making excuses, just saying things like this happen sometimes when a defense sucks down the stretch and they play good offenses. The team was one John Kasay field goal from having the #1 seed in the NFC and have nearly the exact same team coming back this year, but more importantly I actually really want Peter to keep ignoring them. It's good karma.

Jim Mora told me in about 16 different ways that Hasselbeck's back is fine. Hasselbeck has echoed that repeatedly, but let's see how he holds up when the real games start.

If only he could see the future like Belichick and KNOW his quarterback is not going to get injured.

I like how Peter takes Belichick's word Brady is fine but not Jim Mora's word Hasselback is fine.

Peter said the top teams in the league have great quarterbacks who we shouldn't be shocked to see playing late in the year. After #12 Peter has Matt Hasselbeck, Jake Delhomme, David Garrard, Marc Bulger (yes, used to be good), and Carson Palmer, and Drew Brees as quarterbacks of teams he ranked who actually have taken their team to the playoffs. Just thought I would point that out...and I know I missed someone.

I'm just saying that mentioning you could SEE a QB take his team to the postseason is great but you can't really say that and ignore those who actually have done it.

"It would be a wonderful little salt to rub in the eyes of some of our Green Bay Packer friends.''-- Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, on the prospect of the Vikings signing Brett Favre.

I wonder how many votes Pawlenty lost with that quotation.

Off topic subject: Why is it we want our politicians to shoot straight with us and not feed us bullshit, but then when they do that we remind them how many votes they just lost?

The blogging, the instant-knowledging, the Tweeting ... it's all getting pretty hard to follow. But one of the blogs I enjoy a lot is the football/human one of Jerry McDonald, who wrote over the weekend of three straight minicamp drops by Darius Heyward-Bey; the top two draft picks (Bey and safety Michael Mitchell) sitting out Sunday's practice with undisclosed injuries; JaMarcus Russell looking inaccurate (including writing that Russell "threw a high wobbler down the left sideline ... that missed badly out of bounds with Justin Miller in coverage.''
It's amazing the coverage that football gets now. We're reporting critically on a wounded duck in a mini-camp practice.

So basically there are blogs that follow individual teams and report as well, if not better, than Peter King can do because the person can focus on one team and doesn't have to wait for Peter to stop talking about his favorite teams and throw that team some scraps in his MMQB. This doesn't bode well for Peter.

A great example of where Peter focuses his attention on other subjects and doesn't focus on what I think he should is that I did not know Terrell Suggs was holding out of camp. I wish Peter had mentioned this at any point prior to today.

A week from tonight in West Orange, N.J., is our effort to raise money for SI's longtime pro football maven, Paul Zimmerman, who suffered three strokes in late November and cannot read, write or speak coherently. It's been a terrific week for the Zim cause, and it looks as though we'll have at least 200 football fans in the house to fete Dr. Z and to hear the two New York football coaches, Tom Coughlin and Rex Ryan, give us the lowdown on their teams.

Both of which got favorable positions in the Peter King Random Drawing Power Poll. I bet Peter thinks this is some type of tit-for-tat or something where the teams have benefitted from him talking positively about them and he talked positive because the team's head coaches helped out Dr. Z. Ok, maybe not, but I like to think Peter holds himself in high regard.

Oh yes, we are one week away from me not ever mentioning again that I want the money that goes to Dr. Z to go to more worthy people as well.

The other night, my phone rang. "Mr. King,'' the voice said, "it's Mark Sanchez.''

I bet that made Peter's heart a-flutter mightily.

Stop with the Mr. King business,

I feel like I am reading an erotic thriller.

"No, Mark call me Petey and get in your leather suit, you've been a bad boy and fumbled the snap too often lately."

Then he said he'd read about the benefit for Zim and wanted to know what he could do.

He could make out with Peter. That would probably go a long way.

"Well, a signed jersey would be nice.'' And so it happened, and you can visit our auction site, www.DrZ.cmarket.com, today and bid for the jersey.

It will go for $2.43 in five years on Ebay.

They should call it the Dr. Z/Nothing is Impossible (Unless You Don't Have Wealthy Friends) Foundation.

1. I think I've been so focused on helping Zim that I've short-shrifted the Dallas scout, Rich Behm, who was paralyzed in the collapse of the Cowboys' practice bubble.

You have also short-shrifted nearly every other individual in a situation similar to Dr. Z. Nevermind that though, let's get Dr. Z better so he can write 3 more articles then retire! Fuck everyone else!

4. I think that Jimmy Buffett thing with the Dolphins is weird. What's his role? Playing a few songs in the parking lot? I'm amazed the Dolphins have so much trouble selling tickets and haven't been able to build a constant-sellout fan base in south Florida. It's weird. They have a competitive team almost every year, and they beg to sell tickets, and they use stuff like some unclear relationship with an old pop star whose last hit was (I googled this, so apparently it's true) "Margaritaville,'' in 1977.

It is a weird relationship but please tell me Peter King knows about Jimmy Buffett and how popular he is. It sounds like he doesn't. I would think Peter would be the type of person who fit his big ass in a hula skirt and got wasted at a summer Jimmy Buffett concert. I guess I was wrong.

And if Favre feels that by August he could play with no pain in the shoulder -- either after having surgery or it going away naturally -- it's likely he'll play. No matter what is said this week, it's not over now.

Don't we all know enough that anything Brett Favre says doesn't mean it is over? He pretty much consistently lies and deceives.

Even if Favre says he's decided not to play, it's not over, because he's ruled by emotion.

Oh yes, the old "ruled by emotion" defense for Favre's lying and deceiving. It still sounds pathetic to me.

What Brad Childress should do right now, simply, is tell his quarterbacks Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels, "Look, we're exploring signing Brett Favre. The guy was playing well last year 'til he hurt his arm, and we owe it to the organization to cover our bases here. So just keep working, and I'll keep you posted on what happens.''

Then Tavaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels should both demand a trade. That will never happen but God I wish it would.

Having been around Favre a lot over the last decade, I can tell you why these stories happen, and why there's a very good chance both are correct: Because it's hard for him to make up his mind (no crap, Sherlock!), and he keeps his own counsel a good deal of the time, and there are very few "sources close to Favre'' who have a good idea what he's planning to do at a given moment -- and even then, he could change his mind about what he's likely to do.

Translation: He is a perpetual liar. At some point, Peter King will stop making excuses for Favre but that day is not going to be today. To expect Peter King to at least say something negative about the retire/unretire situation and Brett Favre is just too much to expect. We have to lower our expectations...or at least I do.

9. I think I agree with Drew Rosenhaus: Darnell Dockett is worth a first-round pick.

I know they play two completely different positions but Dockett is worth a first round draft pick but Peppers is not? Dockett is going to want a new contract as well and he is not going to be cheap. Also his production isn't exactly consistent. I give up, no one wants Peppers, I need to get over it.

f. Coffeenerdness: I'll say this about England: It has to work on its espresso, in a big way.

I would like to see a television show on limited run (maybe 6 episodes) where Peter King and Furman Bisher to go Japan to find the best coffee shops.

h. Finally saw "Gran Torino.'' And why that was not Picture of the Year, I'll never know. It's a classic I-laughed-I-cried-I-ranted movie. How great was Clint Eastwood? How great was how he conquered the Hmong gang? How great were the Asian brother and sister?

How great was ruining the movie for everyone who hasn't seen it?

j. Every time I read a British sports section, I feel like there's an inside joke and I'm not in on it.

Everytime I read Peter's MMQB there are inside jokes and none of his readers are in on it. The only joke the readers are in on is that the column is sort of a joke in that it provides us with very little new information and seems to be a clearinghouse for Peter to make comments to his friends and tell us about how much he loves living in Boston.

I am going to think of another question to ask Peter to get published tomorrow in his MMQB-Tuesday. I will not stop my pathetic quest to have him speak to me through written words on a computer.