An Interview With the Worst MLB Scout Ever

I have started a NCAA Tournament Bracket Pick 'Em in a Yahoo league if anyone is interested in joining. The ID is "8624" and the password is "eckstein." Feel free to join and of course we won't be able to make the picks until the brackets are announced.

Gene Wojciechowski has an interview he did with "Scout X" who is apparently a great and successful scout in Major League Baseball. Maybe Scout X isn't the worst scout in the history of MLB, but he at least has to be the most obvious. 85% of what this guy says is completely obvious to anyone with a basic knowledge of baseball and the players who play the game. He's not really telling us anything new or revealing. Gene barely even writes this article, he just lets Scout X make obvious statements and give his opinion. I was originally going to ignore this article because it didn't sound interesting but then I ended up reading it and realizing nearly every insight this Scout X has is an incredibly obvious insight. So I had to post it.

(As I finished writing this, I happened to notice "Fire Rick Reilly" has posted something on the very same article on February 28. I hate doing the same thing other blogs do, but he did a good job so read his as well. I didn't erase mine because I worked hard at it and I am sick and don't feel like starting over. So I hope you enjoy them both.)

Enough introduction, let's let Scout X dig his own hole.

Call him Scout X.

Big league lifer. One of the best in the business. Has forgotten more about baseball than you and I will ever know.

Born in a dugout. Immediately after he was born, he had a radar gun in his hand. Convinced the Yankees to sign Mickey Mantle and raced Jackie Robinson around the bases one time. He lost, but got Jackie's respect. Has smoked for 67 years. Doctor is amazed his lungs look fine. Has never used a computer.

This "forgotten more about baseball part..." will come up fairly soon in this post. Like he forgets some things that happened last year in baseball.

Opening Day is April 4. Scout X is way ahead of you.

As you will see, Scout X is actually right...along with everyone else. Though some of his observations are debatable, others are just plain obvious.

Take it away Scout X...

Can anybody beat the Yankees? I don't see how. I really don't see how.

Other teams in the American League could have better pitching or better hitting than the Yankees do, the Yankees could have injuries, or perhaps any of 1,000 other reasons that could encompass a 162 game season. These are all reasons some teams may be able to beat the Yankees.

You're talking about CC Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, Andy Pettitte and Vazquez. It's hard to compete with that.

I hate to say this, but Pettitte was not a bad pitcher last year, but he was barely above average. AJ Burnett wasn't a bad pitcher but he also wasn't completely stellar last year. Burnett and Pettitte were actually good pitchers, but it is not like this is a staff full of aces. The fact the Yankees can hit the ball very well had a little bit to do with the success of the team and the pitching staff.

Look the Yankees are going to be fine, but 2nd best team in the division, the Red Sox, can compete fairly well with their rotation. In fact, if you forced me to choose the best staff in the AL East, I don't know if I would go with the Yankees staff.

I also think the Yankees hitting has a lot to do with their success...but what do I know, I am not a baseball lifer.

For me, Phil Hughes would probably be the fifth starter. Joba Chamberlain would be the set-up guy. I don't think Joba has the intellectual capacity to go through a lineup three times.

Phil Hughes on the other hand is figuring out quadratic equations and determining the actual value of Pi sometimes on the mound...completely forgetting that he is actually pitching in a major league baseball game. His ERA last year was -2.34. Yes, he actually is so smart, he found a way to take away runs from the other team.

Joba Chamberlain = Midwest retard
Phil Hughes = California genius

A lesser scout would use these two player's actual record as starters to determine who should be the 5th starter, but a lesser scout doesn't know everything Scout X knows. A lesser scout would compare Chamberlain and Hughes numbers as starters...but a lesser scout wouldn't factor in that Joba Chamberlain is an idiot. Scout X knows this and gives his opinion accordingly.

People are talking about Tampa, but I just don't think, at the end of the game, they can compete with the Yankees and Red Sox. Not yet, anyway.

I am not 100% sure I know exactly what this means. This could be an indictment of the Rays bullpen. I am pretty sure they have Rafael Soriano closing for them this year. As a viewer over the past couple of seasons of Soriano, I will say I find him to be a decent closer. Not as good as Rivera or Papelbon, but how many closers are?

But starting-pitching-wise, this kid Jeff Niemann, they rave about him.

They rave about him huh, Scout X? What's your opinion of Jeff Niemann, Scout X? Completely ignoring that we already know he went 13-6 with a 3.94 ERA and 1.351 WHIP in his rookie year last year of course...

Scout X????

I'll give you a hint, he moves on and doesn't indicate the fact Niemann had a great rookie season may indicate Niemann could be a good pitcher. Great observation by Scout X, picking a guy who was fourth in the Rookie of the Year voting last year as a pitcher who could be a good pitcher.

I like how Scout X says "they rave about him" giving the indication he has never seen Niemann pitch...which isn't very scout-like in my mind. Scout X has a full season of Niemann pitching to determine whether or why "they" rave about him. Did he not ever see Niemann pitch?

But if you give me the choice between Lincecum and Cain, I'll take Cain for the next six, seven years.

I mean this is a tough call, let's see Scout X's reasoning because I would love to know it.

Cain can really pitch, man.

So can Lincecum. He can really pitch too, man.

Lincecum, he's a freak. He weighs 160 or so pounds. He's a max-effort guy with a bad delivery.

A bad delivery that has never affected Lincecum's durability in any fashion. Carry on...

Don't get me wrong -- he punched out 261 guys last year and he might pitch forever. But it's just that Cain pitches with such ease.

Cain pitches with ease, versus the fact Lincecum is actually a better pitcher right now...but Cain does have that whole ease thing going for him, which apparently means a lot.

He won 14 games last year with a 2.89 ERA. Lincecum won 15 with a 2.48. See what I'm saying?

No, not at all. I don't see what you are saying at all. Cain pitches with ease, even though Lincecum is a better pitcher, but Cain looks better throwing the ball so that's the guy you want for the long-term? Cain won less games with a slightly worse ERA, so that makes him a better pitcher? I need someone to fill me in on this one...ideally that would be Scout X, but he has moved on to his next earth-shattering statement.

And as much as I hate to say it, I'd pay to watch Manny Ramirez. I'd pay to watch him hit.

BUT DOES HE HIT WITH EASE? IF NOT, FUCK HIM.

Play left field? No. In a playoff game about three years ago, he's going toward the line -- there's a line drive -- he kind of stumbles and his hat falls off and it goes past the ball's path and the ball rolls into his hat. He's looking around for the ball. I thought I was going to die. That was at Fenway Park.

Whoa, whoa, whoa Scout X. Please don't throw too much information at me all at once.

So Manny Ramirez is bad at playing left field? You have to be kidding me, I thought he was like Willie Mays out there. Don't ruin my perception of the world by telling me Manny Ramirez isn't a Gold Glove fielder because that is just wrong.

Manny Ramirez does not field with ease. See what I am saying?

But the guy can hit.

So Manny Ramirez is a good hitter? I am glad Scout X is here to tell me this stuff or else I would be lost.

A-Rod is hard to watch. He's such a phony. Hard to stomach. But he's a great player. A great player.

I want everyone to know that Scout X gets paid by a team in Major League Baseball to make these observations. So far he has told us that Manny Ramirez can't field, is a good hitter and Alex Rodriguez is a good hitter, but a huge fake. Does Scout X think he is telling these little tidbits to people who have never watched a game of baseball before? How is this insight?

I think Scout X is a 15 year old boy who just got done reading "The Yankee Years" and spent 20 minutes before the interview with Gene perusing the league leaders in MLB last year.

As far as the younger players, that's easy: Evan Longoria of the Rays. I like the way he plays the game.

You mean you like how he plays the game, in that he plays the game really well? I like that too.

And Andrew Bailey, the closer for Oakland, has no fear. He's aggressive, works fast and throws strikes. I like his game very much.

Justin Upton of the D-backs is so talented. And everyone knows about Zack Greinke of the Royals.

Again, this is not insight. This was merely naming a short list of the best young players in the American and National League.

Everyone knows about Zack Greinke since he won the Cy Young last year, but everyone also knows about Bailey, Upton and Longoria. They aren't new to many baseball fans.

Now if you're asking me my favorite guy to watch, it's the Kung-Fu Panda -- Pablo Sandoval of the Giants. Oh, is he funny.

Oh he's so funny! Look at the fat man with the baseball bat! He is so comical! The fat man shouldn't be able to swing the bat because he is fat! Unlike that skinny stud Babe Ruth.

But he can rake. He can hit. He's so fat and he's so unorthodox.

Pedro Sandoval is a good hitter even though he is fat? Someone get this Scout X guy a massive raise immediately! What's his take on Hanley Ramirez? Is he a good hitter or not, because I really can't tell. How about Felix Hernandez? Does he pitch with ease? Would you pay to watch him pitch? Does his overwhelming Dominican-ism affect his pitching? More importantly, is anyone raving about him?

But he gets the barrel of the bat to the ball. You cannot teach somebody to hit like that.

Actually I am 85% sure you can teach somebody to hit the ball off the barrel of the bat like that.

Seattle had the best offseason, but I still think the Angels are the class of the AL West.

You mean the same Anaheim team that has won the AL West three straight years is still the best team in the AL West? Be careful with these provocative statements Scout X.

I wonder why Scout X believe this? Let's delve into his analysis of the AL West division race...if we dare.

The Mariners had a lot of money to spend, but I'm not absolutely convinced about their offense.

Well if you aren't convinced about their offense then there is no way they can win the division. If only Seattle had good pitching to offset this hypothetical offensive problem.

Even though I think the Angels are going to win that division, I don't see them getting past the wild card. They've got to play Boston every year.

Last year the Angels beat the Red Sox 3 games to 0 in the Divisional playoffs. Apparently Scout X doesn't remember this.

So the Angels are going to win the division because the Mariners offense is going to stink and the Angels are destined to lose to the Wild Card, even though they beat the Wild Card last year.

In the NL East, Philly wins, but I'm worried about Brad Lidge.

I like how he says he is worried about Brad Lidge like this is a revolutionary statement of some sort. Lidge was 0-8 last year with a 7.21 ERA and a 1.80 WHIP and 11 blown saves. Does it really count as analysis that Brad Lidge should worry some people? I don't think you can watch baseball and not be worried a little bit about Lidge.

The Mets are a poorly put-together team.

That's it. We get nothing else.

Scout X's idea of analysis: "The A's don't spend a lot of money on players." (Then smiles at himself for producing such insights)

And the Nationals need to be careful with Stephen Strasburg. He's got a fresh arm because he hasn't pitched a whole lot. But pitching is fragile, especially power pitchers like that.

So the Nationals shouldn't have Strasburg pitch 300 innings this year? Let's just be thankful Dusty Baker isn't the manager of the Nationals or else this could happen.

Best player in the National League is Albert Pujols. Best player in the American League is Joe Mauer. Not too hard there.

It's not hard unless you don't have access to the MVP results from the 2009 baseball season.

Roy Halladay is right up there. The Phillies will love him.

I am honestly laughing right now. The idea the baseball-following public needs a scout to tell us that Roy Halladay is up there as one of the best pitchers in baseball is laughable. Of course the Phillies are going to love him, he is going to a less top-heavy division that doesn't have the DH when he was a bad-ass in a tougher division with 9 actual hitters in the lineup.

And like I said, I really like Lincecum and Cain. Cain has four pitches he can command, and he's big -- 6-3, 230.

He pitches with ease too! We can not forget that.

When I look for breakout players, I look for good, young players who have some experience who are on good clubs, with good players around them.

You don't look for shitty, old players that have never played in the majors before to be breakout players? But...why not?

You mean like Pablo Sandoval? Wait, that doesn't fit Scout X's criteria.

You mean like Mark Reynolds? Wait, the D-backs weren't a great team last year so that doesn't fit the criteria either.

You mean like Aaron Hill? Wait, he wasn't on a good team nor did he have good players around him.

All sarcasm aside, isn't this too narrow of a criteria for a breakout player? Of course they are generally young and good players to be considered breakout players, that goes without saying really.

I think the Cubs have a chance in that division. They've got some underachieving guys who have had great years in the past.

I think he is talking about Alfonso Soriano and he must be ignoring the downward trending of Soriano's numbers. I could be wrong, but I don't his numbers are just going to magically start getting better.

Randy Wells pitched really well for the Cubs. I guess he found out this spring he needed glasses. I wouldn't give them to him. I wouldn't change a thing.

Apparently Scout X hasn't ever heard that as humans get older their eyesight can get progressively worse, which means Wells could have trouble seeing this year. Who cares though? If Wells pitched well last year without glasses, those glasses will only screw him up this year. It's science. Everyone knows baseball players only get worse as their vision gets better.

So that car you see swerving down the streets of Chicago and forcing pedestrians off the sidewalks into the street is Randy Wells taking Scout X's advice.

Detroit's starting rotation has some question marks, but I like Max Scherzer. People don't like his delivery, but I like his stuff.

From a 2008 scouting report on Scherzer:

-Scherzer works from a three-quarters arm slot, and he gets a slight drop and drive action with his legs during his delivery. He creates deception for the batter with his shoulder turn.

-Under "Strengths"...Deceptive motion; he hides the ball well.

-He has solid mechanics and is able to repeat his release point. He does have a slight drop and drive action, but he does a good job of using his lower half. Although his hands break late at times, he gets away with it because he has a quick arm swing. He hides the ball well from the hitter, and that makes him that much more effective.

John Sickels also seems to have few concerns about Scherzer's delivery, but he also doesn't think it should affect Scherzer in the majors. I just thought I would mention this since Scout X seemed to indicate he was in the minority among those who liked Scherzer's delivery.

Justin Verlander is a guy I should have mentioned before. One of the class pitchers of the league.

This is obvious to anyone who follows Major League Baseball. The fact Verlander is a class pitcher really goes without saying.

Rick Porcello is 21 years old.

That's it. That's all he says about Rick Porcello. I feel terrible for whichever team pays Scout X to come back with a report on a player and it has just one sentence that states the player's age and perhaps the color of his hair. If the team's lucky, the scouting report will include what position the player plays and whether Scout X laughed while watching him play the field.

And Miguel Cabrera is a monster.

Yes he is. I guess I have high standards for scouts. I expect more actual scouting than something anyone with the ability to do an Internet search and rudimentary knowledge of baseball would be able to do.

Jeremy Bonderman is coming off an injury.

Thanks for looking that up for us. Of course this knowledge doesn't really count as "scouting" but I have lowered my expectations at this point anyway. I feel like I am reading a children's book right now.

I think Orlando Hudson is going to bring a lot to the Twins. He's probably the best defensive second baseman in baseball.

He could be the best defensive second baseman in baseball if you want to discount what Fangraphs think when comparing other second basemen to Hudson. His UZR for 2003, 2006, 2007, 2008, and 2009. Those stats "probably" show that Scout X is "probably" wrong.

You can tell Scout X is one of those old school guys who doesn't pay attention to statistics and just prefers to base his scouting on observations that are extremely helpful. Observations like "Rick Porcello is 21 years old" that really tell us nothing and his comment that Orlando Hudson may be the best defensive second baseman in baseball, which doesn't have a lot of evidence to support it.

This is the type of scout who doesn't let statistics or any other type of evidential proof discourage him from making a statement that he believe is true based on his own observations. I am not a fan of these type people.

Phillies in the NL East, Dodgers in NL West, Cardinals in the NL Central. NL wild card is Colorado.

Or in other words, the exact same playoff participants we saw in 2009.

In the American League you've got the usual suspects:

As opposed to the National League, which was a wild and crazy dose of exactly the same as last year.

Yankees in the East, Twins in the Central, Angels in the West, Boston as the wild card.

So Scout X just picked the exact same teams to make the playoffs in 2010 as made it in 2009. I don't know if I even need to say anything about this.

In the NLCS, I'll take the Cardinals and the Dodgers. I can't take the Phillies because Lidge scares the hell out of me.

Lidge had an absolutely terrible year last year and he scared the hell out of everyone. This didn't stop the Phillies from winning the National League pennant and making the World Series for the 2nd straight year. So to say Lidge being shaky is the reason you can't pick the Phillies seems to have a shaky historical precedent from all the way back to last year.

Because of his inconsistency, they're vulnerable late in the game. In a playoff situation, the closer is in there every night.

Again, I am not disagreeing with this. I am just saying Scout X is ignoring the fact Lidge had a terrible year last year and it didn't hurt the Phillies from making the World Series in any fashion. Also, last year wasn't the first year Lidge has struggled. Remember 2006 and 2007 (to a lesser extent) Brad Lidge? He followed that up with a perfect year in 2008. So he has a history of up-and-down years in regards to performance.

He has bounced back very well before and could do it again this year. I think I am doing more analysis than Scout X does at this point.

I think Broxton, even though he blew a lot of saves last year, has a chance to be special.

Broxton blew 6 saves last year and never blew back-to-back saves. Also, everyone pretty much knows Broxton has a chance to be special. Hitters hit .165 against him last year, so this is kind of an obvious statement that he could be good. He already is special.

Yankees win the World Series.

I notice that Scout X likes to pick for 2010 the exact same things that happened in 2009.

When the season's over, show me my picks again. I want to see how I did.

When it comes to telling us what happened last year and predicting it again for this year, telling his audience the obvious, and not really giving any great scouting insights Scout X has no peer.

If scouting only involved making statements that everyone already knew was true, telling the public the current MVP winners are good baseball players, and reciting statistics any Google search could find...I think I could be a MLB scout.