Joe Morgan Is Tired Of Your Stupid Chat Questions

Joe Morgan seems especially irritated this week. I don't know whether he is just having a bad day or is just getting a lot of questions he can't answer or understand, so he treats the person asking the question like he treats the book, "Moneyball," and gets really pissed off because he is too lazy to think hard or change his way of thinking. Either way, Joe comes out blazing with strong opinions this week. I think ESPN never gave Joe that Tony Perez bobblehead doll they promised him last week for chatting.

JM: The hype machine is now trying to get Stephen Strasburg on the All-Star team.

Joe Morgan two weeks ago in a chat when asked about the hoopla around Strasburg:

I think he deserves a lot of it. We tend to go overboard on a lot of it.

So Strasburg deserves a lot of the hoopla, but having him on the All-Star team would go overboard? Is this what I can put together from these two opinions?

I would have a hard time putting him in front of Lincecum, Halladay, etc.

How about putting him in front of Lincecum, Halladay and about eight other pitchers in the National League? If not, he deserves to make the All-Star team.

As I've said on our chat before, I think he's going to be a great pitcher, and there will be All-Star games he'll deserve to be on, but I find it hard to believe that a guy should make the team after three starts.

I agree. I also can't believe this is really Joe Morgan chatting because he is giving an opinion and being very bold in giving his opinion. He must feel VERY strongly that Stephen Strasburg doesn't deserve to be on the All-Star team. This is bordering on an opinion as strong as "Dave Concepcion should be in the Hall of Fame" for Joe Morgan.

Brian (New York) Joe, has Robinson Cano finally reached his potential or is there more to come?

JM: I don't know if there is more to come, but he's a great player, and you can't always measure a great player by numbers,

This is the pissy Joe Morgan I described in the beginning of this post. The same Joe Morgan that has an attitude that refuses to acknowledge or read a book that he criticizes, "Moneyball." Brian from New York has asked an incredibly simple question of Joe Morgan and Joe Morgan doesn't understand the question, so he gets angry and starts talking about how numbers suck. Brian is merely asking if Joe thinks Robinson Cano has reached his potential or not. It's really a simple question.

Clearly, Joe Morgan has PMS this week. There was nothing in the question even close to asking about numbers or measuring Cano by his numbers. This man, Joe Morgan, needs to be fired. I hate to say it, but he doesn't answer the question posed to him in chats and is generally indifferent as to whether he learns anything new about the game of baseball. We all have these people in our workplace, people who don't care if they learn anything new, and we feel like they need to get fired or retire ASAP. Joe Morgan is that guy at ESPN.

so I don't know what you mean by "potential".

Really? Joe Morgan doesn't know what Brian means by "potential?" Does that mean the question sucked or Joe Morgan should figure out what the hell Brian is referring to? Possibly he should ask the Buzzmaster, who presumably has a middle school education, what Brian means by the word "potential." DIDN'T JOE'S KINESIOLOGY CLASS IN COLLEGE COVER THIS?

Does Joe get pissy like this in real life when he doesn't understand something?

(Joe being pulled over by a police officer) "Sir, please show me license and registration."

(Joe Morgan) "I have no idea what you mean by 'registration' but I wasn't going fast and my speed can be determined by things other than statistics."

(Joe being propositioned by a prostitute) "Care for a quickie?"

(Joe Morgan) "I don't know what you mean by a 'quickie' and there is really no way to say if I care for it or not. There are better way to measure how fast something is other than statistics."

(Joe renegotiating his contract with ESPN...the President of ESPN is speaking with him) "Joe, we feel like your performance has been fantastic, but we think you have the potential to do mor---"

(Joe Morgan) "Let me stop you right there. I don't know what you mean by 'potential,' but there is more than just viewer feedback and the fact I have to wear a bulletproof vest in public that says I could do more at this network. You can measure my performance by more than my knowledge on the game and the fact no viewers appear to like me."

(President of ESPN is smiling) "I was going to say, we are giving you a raise."

(Joe Morgan) "I am a little short, there is no need to suggest I get taller or get whatever a 'raise' is. There are better ways to measure my height than statistics."

(President of ESPN) "Joe, you are fired."

(Joe Morgan) "I don't know what you mean by 'fired' but if that is drug slang I don't appreciate the inference."

(President of ESPN hangs himself)

To ask, is there more to come? I don't know.

Then why the hell are you here? It's a baseball question about whether a player can improve or not. Who the fuck else is qualified to answer this question more than the #1 analyst for the largest sports network in the United States? Robinson Cano plays second base, Joe played second base. Presumably Joe has seen Robinson Cano play before this chat, so he should know his own opinion of whether Cano has reached his potential or not.

Joseph (Bequette) Do you think the Cardinals will or should make a move at the trade deadline? If they do what do you think they will go after?

JM: After Wainwright and Carpenter, their starting pitching could be helped.

I guess Jaime Garcia and his sub-2.00 ERA and Brad Penny (who has been on the DL) and his 3.23 ERA aren't good enough for the Cardinals starting pitching staff in Joe's opinion. Every team needs starting pitching, but the Cardinals are in the Top 10 in the majors in nearly every single starting pitching-type statistic like quality starts (they are #1), innings, ERA, and batting average against.

Their real problem as far as I'm concerned is that some of the guys who hit so well last year will have to put up better numbers.

I think "those guys" are Brendan Ryan.

Eventually people will stop pitching to Pujols entirely, and Matt Holliday on occasion.

Which would put men on base for guys like Colby Rasmus to drive in...also teams aren't going to completely stop pitching to Albert Pujols.

I still think they need to get more contributions from Ryan, Schumacker, and Rasmus.

Colby Ramsus is currently batting .279/.381/.569. I would say he is doing his part.

Skip Schumaker (not Schumacker) is batting .251/.313/.320, which isn't good.

Brendan Ryan is batting .212/.284/.324 which is about what he has hit every year of his short career except last year.

Rasmus is playing very well and I don't know how much Schumaker and Ryan can contribute. So I would say the Cardinals need another bat in the lineup, and not rely on guys who put up great numbers last year because those guys probably won't do it again. My point is the Cardinals may not be able to get more from Brendan Ryan or Skip Schumaker.

Courtney Jackson (Lindenwold, NJ) Hi joe, do you see the phillies taking over the nl east lead at the end of the season?

JM: I picked them to win the division at the beginning of the season, but after watching the bullpen still struggle lately and their offensive struggles, I'm still not sure. The Braves' starting pitching is the reason I thought they would be a contender, and since they're getting Jurrjens back soon, I think they'll be back in the race.

The Braves were winning the NL East when Joe wrote this and they still are. He says when Jurrjens gets back, the Braves will be "back in the race." They are currently leading the race. Joe Morgan doesn't know who is leading the division races in the sport he gets paid to cover. Is it that hard to follow the sport of baseball for him?

No one had better mention that man has already landed on the moon or else Joe's entire world will be turned around. I bet Joe Morgan just can't wait until the United States elects a black President.

Anytime you have pitching problems and they fact that they're without a great rotation outside of Hamels and Halladay -- how much can you actually count on Jamie Moyer?

Moyer is 8-6 with a 4.43 ERA, 2.31 BAA and a 1.06 WHIP. Apparently you can count on Moyer a lot. Is Jamie Moyer really the guy the Phillies can't count on? Shouldn't Blanton or Kyle Kendrick be the guy that Joe Morgan feebly tries to call out?

Joseph (St. Louis) Who's will be the NL Central Champs?

JM: St. Louis has Albert Pujols and Matt Holliday, so anytime you have guys like that on your team, particularly Pujols, you have the edge,

Joe Morgan just got done telling us all about the Cardinals and how they are having so many problems hitting well. Now two questions later, they are the team to beat in the NL Central.

(Joe Morgan during the 2008 Presidential election talking to his wife) "I don't like what Obama has to say. It doesn't seem like he has a plan and I don't know if he has enough experience to lead the country. What scares me the most is that I don't like his foreign policy and I am not sure other countries will respect him."

(Joe's wife) "So you are voting for John McCain?"

(Joe Morgan) "Hell no, anytime you have leadership abilities like Obama has then you know he was built to be the President."

but they still do not have great starting pitching.

YES THEY DO!

Here is what Joe wrote two questions ago:

Their real problem as far as I'm concerned is that some of the guys who hit so well last year will have to put up better numbers.

Joe can't even stay consistent with what he thinks from question-to-question. He deserves a brutal beating from the bat of the Inconsistency Monster right about now. Is the pitching or the hitting Joe? Which is the problem with the Cardinals?

The offense is not as consistent as I thought it would be.

Son of a bitch. The Cardinals sure have a lot of problems (in Joe's eyes) for a team winning their division right now.

I think they're still favored, but don't underestimate the Reds.

No one is underestimating the Reds. JOE is underestimating the Reds by not picking them to win the NL Central. Does Joe have multiple personalities or something? He answers the question by saying the Cardinals will win the division and then warns people who pick the Cardinals, or as I fondly call these people, JOE MORGAN HIMSELF, to not underestimate the Reds.

Joe is the only person I have ever read or met who doesn't even fucking agree with his own opinion. He lectures others on not underestimating teams in answers to questions where he is the one underestimating that team! (Bengoodfella has a seizure)

Tito (Brooklyn)

Hi Joe,The Red Sox score more runs per game on the road than every AL team except the Rays. Why do you think the Red Sox hit so well on the road?

Tito, there is no way you are getting an answer to this question. You aren't even going to get a group of sentences that could be seen as an answer.

JM: They went through a stretch where they were hitting well. Don't get too excited over that point.

That stretch is known as "this entire season." They are in the Top 10 in the American League in nearly every offensive category on the road.

They won't hit as well going forward.

Based on??????????????? The magic 8-ball Joe has?

(Joe shakes magic 8-ball and says, "will the Red Sox hit well on the road for the rest of the year?" Magic 8-ball says "is uncertain" and Joe begins to type the answer to this question.)

They're very good in Boston for obvious reasons, but I don't think they will be a great road team at the end of the season.

I guess when you are an ESPN analyst you don't have to feel obliged to explain your answers. You can just throw shit out there as analysis and see if anyone believes it.

Victor Martinez is starting to play better, but I just don't believe they're a great offensive team on the road.

Joe doesn't have to believe the Red Sox are a good offensive team on the road, but it is true. Joe doesn't have to believe the sun isn't made of butter, but that doesn't mean it is true. Joe doesn't need to believe anything he doesn't want to have to believe, but his reality doesn't always match up with actual reality. This is a good example of that.

Tito (Brooklyn)

What do you think is the Yankees biggest weakness this year?

Brazenly and without regard for his own life, Tito is back for Joe to answer another question of he wants to ask him.

JM: Their offense is not as good as I'd thought.

THAT'S the biggest weakness of the New York Yankees right now...how they are doing compared to how well Joe Morgan thought they would be doing. He thought they would win 125 games this year and they are way off pace for that, so their biggest weakness is the high expectations Joe has for them.

One of the few times Joe tries to give an opinion, he does so in the wrong manner. No one cares about how good Joe thought the Yankees would be, the question was what is their biggest weakness. This is most likely a question that shouldn't include a weakness based on Joe's perception of the team, and should include an actual team weakness.

Rodriguez is not making the same contributions he did last year. That takes a lot away from your offense when your power hitters are down.

Let's do a blind taste-test. Which of these numbers are A-Rod's numbers on June 23 of 2009 and which are A-Rod's numbers on June 23 of 2010?

.207/.362/.443 and 9 home runs.
.281/.353/.474 and 9 home runs.

The first one is A-Rod's numbers (when he was coming off an injury) in 2009 and the second one is A-Rod's numbers for 2010. A-Rod is hitting about the same as he did last year, though he does have less home runs, but he is on pace to hit about the same as he did in 2009.

Cano is having a great year, and Swisher has done well early on, but can you count on him to be the guy?

Plus, what do you even mean by "great year" in regard to Cano?

I thought they would win a lot because of their starters and offense, but none of that seems to be consistent right now. That's why they went into last night with a one-game lead over Boston.

As I proved last week with looking at the 1976 Reds, no team is as consistent as Joe's imagination seems to believe they should be. Also, the Yankees are not consistent and Joe thinks they are struggling, yet they still have a two-game lead over the Red Sox.

Boston's starting pitching is getting better even without Becket -- whichever team of the Yankees, Rays, and Red Sox gets it together first will win.

So Joe is saying which team of the three best teams in the AL East play the best over the last three and a half months will win the division? You just can't pay enough for this type of analysis. Step aside Joe Posnanski, there is a new sheriff in town. You may have your statistics and observations based on facts, but try taking the obvious and stating it. Not so easy is it?

"The winner of the three divisions or the Wild Card winner for each league will appear in the World Series this year. Whichever team that appears in the World Series for each league will be the one that played the best baseball this year. "

"Both the National League and the American League have the chance to win the All-Star game this year. It just depends on which team plays better."

Tito (Brooklyn)

Joe, with the emergence of Joey Votto and Adrian Gonzalez, is Ryan Howard now only the 4th best hitting first baseman in the NL?

(Bengoodfella speaking in a soft golf announcer voice) Tito from Brooklyn, going for the trifecta. He's asked about the Red Sox, Yankees, and now he is asking about the Phillies. Three questions about three different teams is extremely difficult, let's see if he can do it.

JM: Are you kidding? Ryan Howard's the only guy besides Pujols that does what a first baseman is supposed to do -- he hits home runs, drives in runs, and leads his team to the World Series.

No Joe, are you kidding? Are you really basing which first baseman in the National League is the best based on whether his team makes the World Series and how many RBI's he has? Seriously, Adrian Gonzalez is getting downgraded by Joe Morgan because he has David Eckstein, Chase Headley, Nick Hundley, and Scott Hairston hitting around him, while Ryan Howard has Placido Polanco, Chase Utley, Jayson Werth and Raul Ibanez hitting around him? I don't really care to rate the first basemen in the National League, because it is fairly tough to do, but other than leading his team to the World Series these other guys are nearly as good/better first basemen than Ryan Howard...at least this year. The following are the numbers around the time Joe had this chat:

Howard: .297/.350/.507, 14 home runs and 52 RBIs.

Votto: .308/.409/.552, 15 home runs and 47 RBIs.

Gonzalez: .315/.412/.569, 16 home runs and 48 RBIs.

Joe has to be the one kidding because as good as Ryan Howard is, under the criteria Joe just listed as what a first baseman should do, Votto and Gonzalez are doing better than or equal to what Ryan Howard is doing. Also, Gonzalez's team is in first place right now and Howard's isn't...if you want to measure these first basemen on the criteria Joe arbitrarily and ignorantly chose.

I love when I can beat down Joe Morgan based on the criteria on rating a player that he himself has created. Ryan Howard is a great first baseman and scares the shit out of me as a Braves fan, so no offense to him, but Votto and Gonzalez are impressive first basemen in their own right.

Everyone took a shot at his contract -- he's been Rookie of the Year, MVP, and led his team to a World Championship and two consecutive World Series appearances.

Dustin Pedroia has led his team to two World Series championships (Correction, I meant to type "appearances" in here not championships. Thanks to Fred for pointing this out), has a Rookie of the Year, and an MVP. Chipper Jones didn't win Rookie of the Year, has an MVP and only has one World Series championship...does that mean Pedroia is a better player than Chipper Jones ever was?

None of those guys have done that.

That's incorrect. I am too lazy to look this up, but I am pretty sure a player has done this.

I wonder why no one questions Matt Holliday's similar contract -- he's never won an MVP award or won a World Series. His numbers were put up in Colorado, where everyone puts up big hitting numbers.

What is Joe's fascination with Matt Holliday's contract? We have discussed this at-length prior to this. It is a smaller contract and people still question it, just not as much as some did Howard's contract.

More importantly, why does Joe think any criticism of Ryan Howard is about his contract? Joe is stuck on this being the reason for any criticism of Howard.

He's the second-best first baseman in the league, not fourth-best.

In the past, yes this was true, but as of today I don't know if this can be said. Statistically, he may not even be the best first baseman (in regard to performance, obviously Glaus is NOT better in the long run, but in a small sample size of "this year") in the National League East.

Troy Glaus is hitting .276/.376/.488, 14 home runs and 55 RBIs. You could argue he has been a slightly better hitter than Howard this year. My point (and I do have one) is that Joe just can't assume Howard is still the 2nd best first basemen in the National League because his team made the World Series last year.

Tito (Brooklyn)

Who should the Mets bench once Beltran returns? Pagan seems to be playing much better than Francouer right now. What do you think about this situation?

Tito is on fire right now. Four questions about four different teams.

JM: Francouer has been real streaky. He got off to a great start, then he's dropped down to less than .200.

I had heard Failcouer had been playing better this year and then I looked at his stats and he was the same old guy that drove me crazy in Atlanta. His reputation always makes it seem like he is better than he is. He is still an average to below average outfielder...but he does have a big, pretty smile the women like.

But he's swinging the bat well again. I guess when he's in a streak, you take out Pagan, but once he's not hitting well, then he should be the one to sit.

Great advice Joe! Now all the Mets need is the ability to be psychic know when Failcouer will start hitting well and when he won't start hitting well so Angel Pagan can be in the game or be pulled from the game! Is a strikeout a sign of a slump or just a bad at-bat, is a home run a sign of things to come or a bad pitch and lucky swing, and if he looks like he is swinging well but not getting hits does this mean he will hit well eventually? Who cares, let's just let the psychic figure that stuff out.

JM: Good to chat with everyone, even though I may not agree with some of your ideas. I can understand where you're coming from.

That's interesting because I don't agree with Joe's ideas and I don't have a clue where he is coming from with those ideas. Clearly Joe and I have communication issues, but we won't know for sure until we go to a psychologist because Joe can't answer questions about things like that.

A lot of it has to do with what you read in the newspaper, about the hype of Strasburg and the questions about Ryan Howard.

Generations will later re-read JoeChats and see this as the beginning of the downfall of the English language. Joe's chats are the first written assaults upon sentence structure and clear concise thoughts put down on paper and on the Internet, which will later result in Joe forming his own nation that speaks English only using prepositions and sentence fragments.