MMQB Review: Peter Visits South Africa and Finds They Have Funny Names Edition

Because I am a shithead, I have forgotten to constantly remind everyone to help Respect Jeters Gangster give donations to the Childrens Health Fund, then just follow the link and donate. You will be entered into a raffle for tickets to an August 7th game between the Red Sox and Yankees by making a donation. Just make sure you let it be known that you were directed to the website by RJG. That way you are entered in the raffle. It's a good cause, so give if you can.

I only remembered to this because I read FireJayMariotti's post today and realized I had reminded everyone about this once. I suck. I was impressed with the clearing out of the mailbag that Larry B did on FJMariotti. I have thought about cleaning out the emails I get, but they are mostly just reminders I suck and everything I write sucks...and we already know that.

Peter King is not writing his MMQB on the NFL this week. It doesn't mean he has stopped writing or is on vacation, at least not yet, because he is writing from South Africa about the World Cup. We are still getting MMQB-like columns, they are just about soccer instead of the NFL. Peter must feel so out of his element. Beside the fact he goes from Boston, which is a city full of dogs and short walks to Fenway Park, he now has to deal with going to South Africa where there are major problems like prostitution, semi-friendly race relations, and no Starbucks and therefore terrible coffee. It's worse than having to be at Anne Frank's house...which isn't really that impressive because Peter certainly didn't see anyone suffering when he was there visiting last week.

Since Peter King is still writing on Mondays and MMQB is still going on during Mondays, I have decided to cover both today. I will start first with amazingly non-white guest writer Nnamdi Asomugha writing MMQB for us this week. I have to say after reading it, I wish he would quit the NFL and write MMQB every week...or at least write MMQB sometimes.

When I was a rookie in 2003, I was not only making the transition from college to the NFL, but also being asked to make the move from safety to cornerback.

He was also going from a good college football at Cal to a team that made his high school team look like an NFL team, the Raiders. That was also a difficult transition I am sure.

Ok, the Raiders weren't terrible when he was drafted, but they quickly became terrible.

Players often get a bad rap during their first or second year if they struggle with this transition, especially if they are high draft picks. I think it's important to look at a young player's work ethic, his football intelligence, and his desire to become great.

Good point, good advice and this is probably a good idea. Unfortunately, how are fans supposed to know a player's work ethic, football intelligence and desire to become great if they aren't at practice every day? The fans are usually those who are the toughest on a young player who was highly drafted, but they have no way of finding out these three things, so it is easy for a highly drafted young player to get a bad rap among fans.

Hopefully competent coaches can see a player has potential, but the fans are probably harsher than the coaches and they aren't able to see the player's potential because they can't know all these things about the player.

So for all you rookies out there, here are a few tips of advice to help give you a smoother transition into the league:

• Set your alarm for a reasonable time. If you're five minutes early, you're late. If you're late, you're fired.

Unless you are a lottery pick, in which case you get a stern talking to, and then you will get multiple chances to prove yourself in the NFL. If you are a lottery quarterback you will get multiple chances to prove yourself in the NFL with multiple teams. It took three NFL teams to give up on Akili Smith and four NFL teams to give up on Ryan Leaf. So the "alarm clock" rule goes for guys drafted in the 2nd round and up.

Be smarter than you were the day before. This is where the mental part of the game comes into play. The tendency for young players is to rely solely on their athletic ability. Big ... Huge ... Enormous mistake. Understanding your role and the role of others around you will be extremely beneficial to your development as a player. Make it a point to learn something new with each day.

This section should have been called: "Things the Raiders Coaching Staff Never Taught Any of the Rookies They Drafted Because They are Incompetent As An Organization."

Stay out of the training room as much as you can. Sometimes you can't help it, and that's fine. Basically, do all of your necessary stretching and stay hydrated because an injury can make things very tricky. If one comes, shift your focus to getting better as soon as you can. As they say, "You can't make the club in the tub."

This is good advice, but outside of stretching and doing everything you can to not get hurt, there isn't much an athlete can do to prevent getting hurt.

"I'll definitely be back in 2010. ... Oh, I thought for a second this interview was about me."

-- Always good for a laugh, Minnesota Vikings defensive end Jared Allen in an interview with ESPN's Trey Wingo on "NFL LIVE." Allen was answering the question, "Will 'that guy' be back for 2010?" Wingo was referring to Brett Favre.

You know Vikings players are getting tired of talking about whether Brett Favre is coming back or not next season. This is one of the many reasons I am surprised that Favre's teammates don't dislike him more. His teammates are doing interviews and constantly getting asked throughout the entire offseason about whether Favre is coming back or not. At some point, I think it would be nice of Favre to just announce whether he is playing this year or not (he IS playing, I have no doubt) so his teammates can quit getting asked about it. That would be overly unselfish and too willing to not be in the spotlight to be something Brett Favre would do though. So he knows he is playing next year, but wants to leave the world in doubt for shits and giggles.

"It's not where you start, it's where you finish."

--Indelible words from my then-defensive coordinator Rob Ryan to me, as I was walking onto the field for the first practice of my second year in the NFL. He told me this just after another coach told me, "I would have never drafted you." It was right on time.

I would really hope the coach who told him he wouldn't have drafted Asomugha is not in the NFL anymore. Knowing the Raiders, the odds are pretty good he is the head coach right now.

Factoids That May Only Interest Me

...with fictional host James Lipton

(Let's put what Asomugha really wants to say in here, instead of what he did say)

JL: Nnamdi, what is your favorite word?

Traded.

JL: What turns you on?

Me wearing the uniform of another NFL team.

JL: What turns you off?

Playing for the Raiders.

JL: What sound or noise do you love?

The sound of JaMarcus Russell tearing an ACL (Some of these answers can go for last season).

Me: The sound of 60,000 excited, screaming fans, cheering your team on

He hasn't heard this sound since he played at Cal.

JL: What sound or noise do you hate?

Me: The sound of 60,000 upset, screaming fans, booing your team

Asomugha gets to hear this sound 16 games a year in the NFL...at home and on the road. He would probably love for the Raiders to play in England one game during a season, just so his team can get cheered for once.

JL: Finally, if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

You get to cover Darrius Heyward-Bey everyday in practice in Heaven also.

1. I think I'm starting to warm up to the idea of having a Super Bowl in New York/New Jersey. I mean, on paper, the concept is a gem. From a business standpoint, it's easy to understand why New York is such an attractive market to hold the event. It's one of the most powerful cities in the entire world. The vast array of entertainment and the bright lights can be alluring to anyone, especially when there is a Super Bowl in town.

Asomugha is probably warming up to the idea because he knows he will be on a team that will have a chance to make the Super Bowl in 2014. I think if a player was on the Raiders over the past 5-6 years he would play the Super Bowl in Siberia if he was asked to.

3. I think the one thing I will miss from college football with the possibilities of conferences expanding is the tradition of rivalry weekend. Having played for Cal, I still look forward to the heated Pac-10 games that have become tradition every year, like Cal-Stanford and USC-UCLA. Now with the rumors of the Pac-10 expanding to a Pac-16, I wonder what will happen to those great match-ups. Will new teams in the conference like Colorado, or even possibly Oklahoma and Texas, make for new rivalries?

I am not too worried about the traditions like that because Cal-Stanford will still be played and good, new rivalries like Oregon-Texas or even Oklahoma-Texas in the Pac-10 will still be created. In fact, Oklahoma-USC would be a good rivalry at some point also in the new Pac-10, as would Oregon-Texas. There just won't be as many rivalries between teams in the same geographic location, which is sad, but I don't know how much conference re-location will hurt the traditional rivalries in each conference. I have to admit, it is the dawn of a new age in college football, and it is sort of exciting, but I do worry about the breaking up and additions to some of these large conferences in terms of competitiveness in each conference.

e. My teammates and I are going to sign a petition that will allow us to participate in the LeBron sweepstakes. Hey, everyone else is lobbying. I wonder what position he would play for us.

I think the Raiders would benefit from playing LeBron on the defensive line as a pass rushing specialist and on offense as a tight end or wide receiver. He would be a great two-way player for them. Don't give Al Davis any ideas.

f. If you're bored today and you can't think of anything to do, grab some wings and a cold drink of your choice, and pop in a copy of the movie Goodfellas. That or an episode of The Wire: Season 4. It should pass the time quite nicely.

Oh yes, I knew there would be at least one "out of touch athlete moment" in this MMQB. I really hope that Asomugha understands most people don't get bored Monday-Friday because they are at work all day. 99% of them earn less for one year's work that he earns in one game. So basically, we are not bored during the day because we have to work year-round at our jobs. "Goodfellas" is a good movie though.

Sometimes I think athletes think because thousands of fans come to the stadiums on the weekends that means these same fans don't have anything else better to do.

g. Peter, I hope you are having a great time in South Africa. In my opinion, Cape Town is one of the most amazing cities in the world. I want to say thanks so much for this opportunity. Filling in for one of the premier writers in the business is not an easy task,

That's good news. Asomugha is going to be filling in for Joe Posnanski!

Oh, and you have to check out Robben Island on your day off (if you ever have one). Thanks again.

If only Peter could find some extra time off while he is watching soccer all day. I like how Asomugha thinks Peter's readers may be bored today, but Peter is too busy to go sightseeing while he is covering the World Cup.

Speaking of Peter King...let's see what his soccer MMQB had to say for this week.

So I'm standing with the Man of the Match, U.S. goalkeeper Tim Howard, along with an Israeli reporter, in the Mixed Zone underneath Royal Bafokeng Stadium. For those who aren't fluent in World Cup/Olympic-ese, all participants in a match walk through this Mixed Zone, and reporters can talk to them -- or the players can just walk on by. On a chilly Saturday night in a Triple-A stadium in this beautiful country, Wayne Rooney walked on by.

That's because Wayne Rooney, who looks like Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, is a dick. I have officially watched two matches with him playing in both matches in my life and I hate him. He is annoying as shit. On the bright side, I guessed that he played for Manchester United (without looking it up) and I was right. I heard they were like the Yankees of the Premier League and of course the most annoying player has to play for them...therefore it was just common sense Wayne Rooney played for Manchester United.

Howard stopped. Several times. When the mobs were done with him, I said to him: "This was a great event. The electricity, the drama, you playing hurt, the rivalry. Great stuff.''

Then Peter hugged Tim Howard and whispered in his ear, "I will leave Brett Favre for you right now. I just need the word. You are gritty, tough and seem like you have a rough exterior, but a gentle heart. Give me the word Tim. I need it." (Peter King pats Howard on the butt and Howard runs away)

It had a hero -- Howard, who played heroically in his 52nd U.S. national game, holding England scoreless for the final 93 minutes of the game, and keeping the potent side scoreless for 61 minutes after suffering a debilitating injury. It had a goat -- England's goalkeeper Robert Green, who Bucknered the tying goal near the end of the first half.

I understand soccer fans aren't rational, I get that, and Robert Green did make a huge error in letting Clint Dempsey's shot into the goal...but I can't help but think the game would have been a tie regardless of whether that shot went in. The United States got lucky on shot by Dempsey, but got very unlucky on Altidore's shot on Green in the 2nd half. The ball went off the goal post and somehow flew off in a somewhat parallel or even backwards line instead of banking into the goal. Throw in the fact it went just out of the reach for a put-back by another United States player and I think while the U.S. got lucky with the Dempsey goal, they had bad luck with Altidore's shot. Maybe Dempsey's shot was more good luck than Altidore's shot was bad luck, but I like to think it equaled out and would have been a tie regardless.

That's my justification for why the game would have been tied regardless.

First, the Howard injury. There was a loose ball in the goal area in the 36th minute. A passive goalkeeper lets his D take responsibility for it, and if the defense comes up short, well, the keeper can always say, "Not my fault.''

I don't watch much soccer, but no goalkeeper who is starting for a World Cup team would let his defense corral a ball right in front of the goal. Howard made a great play, but any goalkeeper worth a shit knows he can't rely on his defense there and has to make a play for the ball.

(I used to watch some soccer on television when I was younger, so while I was watching games this week I started having some of those memories come back to me. I felt like a person with amnesia starting to remember things from my life, but I feel like I am still missing a lot. I do enjoy soccer, but I don't know if it is a once-every-fours year thing. I did look up the Champions League and Premier League schedule to see when the games are shown in the United States and drew a blank on it. If I can't watch the games, it's not likely I can get into the sport.)

And no, I am not going to go through a whole process of choosing a team (like Bill Simmons). That seems like a lot of work. I don't even know the difference in the Champions League and the Premier League really.

At halftime, a Toradol pain-killing injection in the upper ribs made the second half possible. While it was taking effect, there were a couple of saves he had to deal with: a rising line drive by midfielder Frank Lampard that Howard two-hand-served over the crossbar (and you could tell immediately how it pained him to lift his right arm by the way he brought it down so quickly);

I think Howard brought his arm down so quickly because that is part of the technique taught to a goalie. You push the ball backwards over the net by quickly with two hands striking at it. I admittedly don't watch much soccer, and don't doubt Howard was in pain, but I think that was more technique than a result of pain.

The ball was a bazooka, right into the abdomen of Howard. It wasn't a spectacular save, and that's why Heskey will think about this one for a long time -- because he had an opening to his left and just didn't use it. That's the breaks.

I disagree with Peter on this. It looked to me like Howard had cut the angle for an opening on the left off. Howard cut off Heskey's angles and left him with a miracle shot over Howard's head and into the goal or to try and blow the ball through Howard and hope for a carom or a mishandle by Howard.

"This is what you prepare for mentally. You don't prepare mentally for making great saves and playing the perfect game. You prepare for trauma.''

-- Goalie Robert Green, who will have plenty of that for a long time. He allowed the softest goal in recent World Cup history -- or maybe ever -- which turned into the equalizer in the 1-1 England draw with the U.S. Saturday.

Well, it sounds like Robert Green was well-prepared for missing that shot by Dempsey then. I do have to admit I think a goalie that is preparing himself for trauma may have the wrong mind-set. Maybe you mentally prepare yourself for being able to take a verbal beating for messing up, but if you prepare yourself to not play the perfect game and prepare to screw up...I feel like you are going to end up screwing up.

"Worst England blunder ever,'' the Sunday Mirror said.

Worst England blunder ever? It was a big mistake, but I don't know if this was the worst England blunder ever. I think English papers are well-versed in using hyperbole and over reacting to things that happen in sports they love...of course American papers probably do that too and I am just so used to it, I barely notice it.

So we were an hour from the stadium, out in the bush, and I spied a tiny roadside eatery with one table and two barstools called The Garden Cafe. We stopped. The other three got the local sausage, cooked on a tiny round propane grill, and I got a grilled tomato and cheese sandwich. As we ate, I asked the proprietor, a friendly, dentally challenged man named Leon,

Fuck you Leon from South Africa. Your teeth are so damn ugly Peter King can't just relay the conversation he had with you, he has to mention how bad your teeth looked. Get a dental plan asshole or Peter will continue to mock you! I bet Peter thinks those South Africans are so lazy, they don't even care to go to the dentist.

if he'd been able to see the South Africa-Mexico draw the previous day. No, he said, because he'd had some work to do around his restaurant and cottages. But he heard about it.

Is there no way Peter could have relayed this story without mentioning Leon had bad teeth? This is why I call Peter an elitist and a good example of "the spoiled American." He spends part of his weekly MMQB complaining about the inconveniences that invade the otherwise perfect existence he leads, like these inconveniences are terrible, terrible things he has to endure in life, when they are just a part of life when you travel a lot. He goes to Anne Frank's house and isn't impressed because he is unable to put himself in other people's shoes and try to imagine how terrible it would be to live like she had to live in the attic of a house. Then he relays a conversation he had with a South African man and can't just tell about the conversation he had, he has to mention how bad the guy's teeth were. It was needless to add this.

South African Factoid That May Interest Only Me

In my first week in South Africa, I have had waiters named Offer and Quiet.

But those can't top the first name of my bartender Sunday night in Capetown.

Medicine.

Peter's last name is "King" by the way. I am sure people in other countries would think that is kind of a weird name for a guy who isn't a king nor looks in any way to be of royal descent. I know Peter is not trying to mock others (ok, I don't know that), but is the world outside of the United States so foreign to him he can't get over the fact there are people with non-traditional American names in that country?

Random NFL Experience in South Africa

I'm here with my wife, and the other day, we were in a cab in Cape Town and the driver asked where we were from.

"I grew up in Pittsburgh,'' my wife said.

"The Steelers!!!!'' the fellow said.

"You know the Steelers?'' she said.

"Everyone knows the Steelers!'' he said.

I bet Peter didn't even know they had televisions in South Africa. How could this lowly person who isn't as well-educated as Peter know about the Steelers? I feel like Peter wonders this.

3. I think Wayne Rooney has some Michael Irvin in him. He knows when to grab when he can get away with it.

Wayne Rooney is an annoying gnat. He's like a terrible mix of the scrappiness of David Eckstein, the steely-eyed look of Derek Jeter, the constant whining of Tim Duncan, and the haircut of the guy who works at Payless Shoes (no offense intended if someone works at Payless).

Not a fan of Wayne Rooney.

4. I think Rooney's the genuine item. You only have to see 97 minutes of soccer to see that.

Or Peter could do two seconds of research and notice he is one of the best players in the world. Peter has officially declared that Wayne Rooney is the genuine item! What will his next obvious declaration be?

"That Beckham sure can bend it!"

"Those foreign nations like Brazil and Argentina do love their soccer! I think they like soccer more than any other sport!"

It is good to see that Peter doesn't just make obvious declarations of greatness about NFL players like Andre Johnson and Antonio Gates.

5. I think the best thing I can tell you about the World Cup, compared to American sports, is that it's about three times as intense as the Super Bowl.

It's times like when the World Cup is on that I, as an American, realize how popular soccer is around the world and how football is really America's sport because no other country gives 1/10 of a crap about it as much as the United States does.