MMQB Review: Bulletproof and Mad-On Edition

I'm back now. Hopefully I won't be posting sporadically this week while I try to catch up on everything, though I can't guarantee it.

It is professional football season, which means Peter King delivers on his MMQB about actual football games and Peter King has not let us down with his latest MMQB. There are tons of things to chew and stew over, as well as many other food-related descriptions to be used to describe Week 1. Our faithful football-loving, baseball-loving (yet he seems slightly ignorant about the sport at times), and travel-hating Peter King tells us all about the conversations he had with the players about this week's games.

Isn't traveling so annoying though? Peter wishes he had a bus to take him everywhere (Peter keeps dropping this hint in his MMQB in the hopes his passive-aggressive whining will get him one), so he wouldn't have to deal with the general public. Regardless, here are some story lines (food-related description alert) he wants us to chew on and wash down with the Coors Light our generation just loves.

As far as opening weekends go, the NFL's 91st was boffo.

(Peter takes us back to 1960's London)

It was a rousing good time! Cheerio!

We found out Wes Welker is bulletproof,

No really, a Jets fan who just found out his team DIDN'T win the AFC East last year tried to shoot Welker out of anger and Welker just deflected the bullet and then caught 110 bullets that were thrown at him, while Peter King cheered for him on the sidelines and brought him a smoothie at halftime and asked to wear his letter jacket.

Apparently coming back from an injury now means you are bulletproof in the eyes of Peter King.

(Ok I know, Welker came back very quickly from his severe knee injury, but this doesn't mean he is bulletproof, it just means he had a good surgeon and worked hard to come back.)

(Also, I rarely agree with Ray Lewis, but he is so right that the Jets didn't even win their division last year. Let them get past the Patriots in the AFC East and then we can talk Super Bowl for them this year.)

Randy Moss has a mad-on,

A mad hard-on? Wait, no, that's not it. Nevermind.

At NBC on Sunday night, Tony Dungy made a terrific point, asking how can the Lance Moore Super Bowl two-point conversion pass be a good catch -- he barely had control of it before breaking the plane of the goal line, then losing control of the ball -- when a much surer Calvin Johnson catch Sunday in Chicago is ruled no good? Dungy's right. The disparity in the two calls is striking and makes fans and the public look at Sunday's ruling and say it's nonsense.

It's the rules and I think if the rules say it wasn't a touchdown, then it isn't a touchdown. It's not really an interpretation of the rule that was wrong. I thought it should have been a touchdown so the rule needs to be changed...and changed very soon. It just looked like a good catch to me.

But his coach, Jim Schwartz, didn't complain because he knows the rule from the NFL digest of 2010 rules: If a player goes to the ground in the act of catching a pass he must maintain control of the ball after he touches the ground, whether in the field of play or the end zone. If he loses control, and the ball touches the ground, the pass is incomplete.

It is the rule and it is not a bad rule. Unfortunately this specific situation is an example of the application of the rule not seeming very fair. I can see how in some situations, if this rule is tweaked, it may cause some catches that aren't touchdowns to be called touchdowns. A player has to maintain control of the ball, but I think this rule can be fixed to where in a situation like was had on Sunday, it could be applied fairly.

I can only imagine the uproar that Bill Polian would have caused if this had happened to the Colts. He would be picketing the league office and Peyton Manning would be on the phone with Peter King talking about the unfairness of the rule. You don't do this to the Colts or there will be blood.

I'm taking a bow for my only good fantasy football advice. Ever. I did tell the world to pick Arian Foster no later than the third round and was roundly Tweet-jeered for it. Turns out I vastly underrated him. Maybe Foster shouldn't have gone in the third round; maybe he should have gone in the top three picks.

One week. There has been one week in the NFL season that has gone by so far. Arian Foster may turn out to be a great fantasy pick, but there has been one week gone by in the NFL season. Let's wait until Week 5 or 6 to say Arian Foster should have gone in the top three picks. The fantasy road is littered with Week 1 wonders that didn't do much after that.

Wes Welker's just fine. In January, Welker shredded his ACL and damaged his MCL in a game at Houston. Thirty-one weeks ago, the NFL's receptions leader since 2007 had the ACL repaired. And Sunday, he caught two touchdown passes from Tom Brady in the Pats' decisive win over Cincinnati. "It's not heroic,'' he told me. "Rod Woodson once had an ACL early in the season and came back to play in the Super Bowl.''

It's not heroic, it's bulletproof.

(Peter blows the smoke away from the tip of an imaginary gun and then pretends to holster it)

Barron had three holding penalties in the game's last 31 minutes, including one that nullified the winning touchdown pass by Romo to Roy Williams. According to footballoutsiders.com, Barron's 78 penalties since the start of the 2005 season are the most in the NFL. Amazingly, Barron started his last two holding calls by corralling Brian Orakpo around the neck ... not even a semblance of trying to block him properly.

The reason Barron did not try to block him properly is because Orakpo had Barron beat on both plays and he was trying to save Tony Romo from getting sacked. So it was either hold and get caught or hope Romo could get away from Orakpo. Barron chose to hold, like he usually chooses to do.

On a different note, I had the luxury of watching the Cowboys-Redskins game at an airport bar waiting for a flight to Dallas-Fort Worth, so there were a ton of Cowboys fans (meaning everyone but me) watching the game. It brought up a problem I have in public. The hardest thing I have to do ever is not correct people publicly about sports and look like a sports know-it-all or an asshole. I hear people saying things incorrect in public all the time and I just want to correct them. It's a disease I have. After Barron committed the penalty to end the game, the Cowboys fan beside me told another fan that he thought the Cowboys should have cut Barron in the offseason because he couldn't stand another year of him on the offensive line for the Cowboys. I wanted so bad to tell him that Barron got traded to the Cowboys in this offseason, but somehow refrained.

I also somehow refrained from punching a guy in the face who said at a bar in Hawaii (while wearing an Arizona Cardinals shirt) who wondered where Anquan Boldin was and why he wasn't on the field for the Cardinals. He then asked if Boldin was hurt and if that is why he isn't on the field for the Cardinals. Keep up people.

The return of Vick the Quick. It's not possible the Kevin Kolb Era opened and closed on the same day, is it? With trusting coach Andy Reid in charge, no chance. But the last time Michael Vick both threw and ran for 100 yards in one game was Oct. 1, 2006, against Arizona; he did it Sunday in two-plus quarters, running for 103 and throwing for 173 in the 27-20 loss to Green Bay. "Michael was magnificent,'' Reid said. With Kolb knocked out of the game with a concussion, Philly's starter for next week at Detroit isn't certain, though Reid said it'd be Kolb if he's able to go.

Vick the Quick?

Kevin Kolb wasn't great for the Eagles, there's no doubt about that, but the Packers did not game plan for Mike Vick and that's a lot of the reason he was so successful. They had a game plan that was supposed to stop Kevin Kolb and Vick throws an entire different look at the defense they weren't prepared to see for 30+ snaps. I don't think Vick is the answer for the Eagles over the entire season. We saw at the end of the game that Vick still isn't a great passer and I think with an offense that has Jeremy Maclin, Desean Jackson, and Brent Celek that Vick isn't the answer to be throwing them the ball. He brings a completely different dimension to the game with his legs, but I still think there is a ceiling on where he could take the Eagles. I could be wrong, but long-term I don't see Vick having the same success. Of course anything he did in that game would have been an improvement on Kolb's performance.

Mike Williams (the Seattle one) grows up. "I'm 26 now,'' Williams said after his first NFL start in three years Sunday, Seattle's rout of the 49ers. "The game's a little more important to me now than it was when I first came in the league.''

I am cheering for Mike Williams to do well in the NFL, but I am getting a little tired of Peter King championing and trying to treat Williams' story as a "feel-good" story every week in his MMQB when he mentions Williams. I can't feel good about a guy who wasted the Detroit Lions money and overall didn't give a shit the first couple of years in the league. I'm glad he is getting it now, but I don't feel good for him quite yet because he doesn't get credit from me for finally getting it at this point. I don't care the game is more important to him now because it was important to Lions fans and coaches when they drafted him and he didn't give a shit then. So while I am glad he is now succeeding, I wish he had seen the importance of the NFL to him when Lions fans could have benefited from this epiphany.

Williams being self-aware that he was a wasted pick probably doesn't make Lions fans feel any better.

1. New Orleans (1-0). There wasn't a flawless team in Week 1 and I don't think one was close. So the Saints take the top spot because of a very good defensive performance and because we all know Drew Brees is going to play like Drew Brees for the next four months.

I have been holding this thought since the game Thursday, but is it possible the Saints didn't have a good defensive performance and the Vikings just aren't a good offensive team right now? I am not saying it is true, but it's possible since the Vikings didn't have Sidney Rice, Favre didn't look great and Percy Harvin has his migraines. Yes, this is season two of "Bengoodfella not believing the Saints defense is that good."

3. Green Bay (1-0). One thing I worry about -- that line might get Aaron Rodgers hurt. Where'd all those leaks come from?

They came from the year 2009 when the Packers had the exact same problem and didn't seem to do too much to take care of them this offseason. Where is Peter's long-term memory at? Can't he recall the offensive line problems the Packers had last year? Why would the offensive line problems for the Packers just go away when they didn't really upgrade any of the starting positions?

8. Indianapolis (0-1). They lost, and they may have lost Bob Sanders, who, as I said on NBC Sunday night, has now played 48 games in his career and missed 49. It's sad. When I talked to him in training camp, he was happy and healthy and anticipating this season with excitement because he finally felt good. If he'd got a serious arm or elbow injury because of a fluky injury in the first quarter of the first game, I'd feel sorry for him.

How can Peter call any injury to Bob Sanders "fluky?" The guy is injured all the time. What's fluky is when Bob Sanders is actually healthy.

11. San Diego (0-0). I just never thought it would come to Marcus McNeill sitting out. Vincent Jackson, yes, because the Chargers have decided internally to move on without him. But a top-eight left tackle? Mind-boggling.

This would be a much more major story if the Chargers played on the East Coast. This is an example of how there isn't an East Coast Bias necessarily, but some stories aren't covered the same when they happen on the East and West coast in the NFL. If McNeill played for an East Coast team this story would have gotten way more publicity. He's the left tackle that protects the blind side of one of the NFL's best quarterbacks. If he were holding out on the East Coast I think we would hear more about it and would better be able to recognize the importance of his absence.

Offensive Player of the Week

Arian Foster, RB, Houston

The former philosophy major at Tennessee didn't do a lot of thinking Sunday -- just running.

Get it? He was a philosophy major and he didn't think? See, it makes sense and is clever because philosophy majors do a lot of thinking about life while sitting on a rock with their hand on their chin. That's what they do, think. Get it? It's clever!

There's no question the Texans have the free-agent find of the last several years in Foster, who could have left Tennessee early in 2008 and been a high draft choice, but chose to stay in school

The free-agent find of the last several years? There is a huge question about this. He had 257 rushing yards last year and has played one game this year. How the hell can Peter say RIGHT NOW he is the free-agent find of the last several years? I hope he doesn't mean the free-agent find over the entire NFL.

With the news that Brady signed a four-year, $72-million contract extension with the Patriots (he'll play out the final year of his existing contract this year, and the new one runs from 2011 through 2014), a few thoughts occurred to me. One: This is the first time in Brady's career he's earned more than Manning in average pay.

So you thought Peter wouldn't start the NFL season out with a chart describing and comparing something about a New England Patriot player? It's a tradition that he always puts a chart about how a Patriots player stacks up in his "Stat of the Week" portion of MMQB. If it isn't how Brady stacks up to Cassel, how Brady in 2009 stacks up to Brady in previous years, how the Patriots have selected their picks in the NFL Draft, then it is how much money Tom Brady makes compared to Peyton Manning (for now). Either way we look at it, there's going to be a chart about something involving the Patriots in MMQB.

Big-Money Quarterbacks

Years	2004-09	Earnings/Per-Year Average	2010 Earnings
Manning	6	$82.2M/$13.7M	$15.8M
Brady	6	$59M/$9.8M	$6.5M*
Brees	6	$49.9M/$8.3M	$10M

Note: Brady's new money in 2010 will push this figure up significantly. As soon as I find out exactly what the contract is, I'll let you know.

I am sure you will Peter...and I trust you will have a chart to accompany this information.

On Thursday, Sept. 23, I'll be joined by NBC's Bob Neumeier, Ron Borges and Ian Rapoport of TheBoston Herald, and Albert Breer of The Boston Globe at the Harpoon Brewery in South Boston at 7 p.m. We'll take your questions, and the superb folks at Harpoon will be serving of their fine products -- gratis.

So make your donation today if you're anywhere in the reach of this column. And if you're a New Englander and want your Patriots dissected, or you want any of the other 31 teams in the league put under the microscope, pony up $50 and we'll have a great night together.

Why do I get the feeling Peter will find it easier to dissect certain teams for their fans as compared to other teams? I would love for a group of Packers fans to show up and have Peter dissect how good this team is offensively compared to Favre-era Packers teams. I am not sure he could do this, especially since the offensive line problems they had in Philadelphia are new to him. Let's face it, Peter will be able to dissect some teams better than others.

But Jags running back Maurice Jones-Drew hosts a Fantasy Football show (Friday, 7-9 p.m. EDT, Sirius Radio), is in a Sirius league, writes a fantasy column for SI.com on Fridays and has his own drafted players on his show to tell them they better play well. "I'm a cutthroat owner,'' Jones-Drew said the other day. "I'll call you out on my show.''

Jones-Drew had the first pick in his draft recently -- and took himself. His lineup: Himself, Matt Forte and C.J. Spiller in the backfield ("I'm trying to trade for Arian Foster,'' he said), Eli Manning and David Garrard (had to take the guy handing him the ball in Jacksonville) at quarterback,

I wouldn't exactly call drafting his team's own quarterback, who is an average fantasy quarterback at best, being a "cutthroat owner." Did Jones-Drew draft a quarterback before the 9th round?

i. What a tackle, Kenny Phillips, on DeAngelo Williams. Saved a touchdown.

That was a great play but it wasn't a tackle, he got Williams ankle just enough to trip him up. It counts statistically as a tackle, just like on the depth chart for Carolina it says Matt Moore is an NFL starting quarterback, when that isn't really true either.

In regard to Matt Moore, who threw three interceptions in the end zone against the Giants, Carolina ownership isn't unhappy at all with him. They cut players and saved money all offseason (for what? Who the fuck knows, other than to prepare for a lockout) and now they have a quarterback who is cheaper than Jake Delhomme who can do the exact same things Delhomme could do at a third of the price. Delhomme threw interceptions, looked clueless and fumbled the ball, well Matt Moore can do all of that and he is cheaper. That's success in their eyes!

Seriously, throw the ball away. Out of the back of the end zone. Throw the ball with your arm. Towards the back of the end zone. Don't fuck over the entire team because you want to be a hero.

j. Good line by Phil Simms as the Patriots throttled the Cincinnati D early: "Somebody better say to the Bengals, 'Hey, guys, the season's started.' ''

Good line? No, great line. Way to say a great line Phil Simms.

s. Hakeem Nicks. Last year, Steve Smith and Mario Manningham entered the season as the wideouts with the best chemistry with Eli Manning. But Nicks has became a vital part of Manning's progressions. Eli found him for three touchdowns Sunday, leading the Giants over Carolina.

I like how Peter leaves off that Nicks did something Manningham and Smith did not do, and that's have a football thrown by Manning bounce off his hands. By my count, Nicks missed three catches that hit his hands and I am pretty sure one of them led to an interception. Smith and Manningham are still the better receivers in my mind and may have better chemistry with Eli Manning...at least it looked that way on Sunday. It's just Hicks was open so he got the ball.

a. Brett Favre's accuracy. Is he rusty or too far gone? "There were three or four throws I just missed,'' he said after the 14-9 loss to New Orleans. Give him four or five weeks to get back in shape; if he has two or three more like that one the other night, we'll think it's because he's a 40-year-old man with an 80-year-old left ankle.

Peter King's excuses for Brett Favre because of his ankle have officially begun. Enjoy the entire year of hearing about how injuries are hurting Favre's performance. Of course they aren't hurting his performance enough for him to miss a start, but that's because Favre is so tough. It's not Favre's fault he didn't play well, it was his ankle's fault. I can't believe someone held a gun to Favre's head and made him play in the NFL this year with an injured ankle.

d. Warm up in the bullpen, Max Hall. Derek Anderson attempted 15 passes to one of the biggest targets in the game, Larry Fitzgerald. Completed three of them.

But he almost threw for 300 yards and he is much better than that bum Matt Leinart, that's what I hear. Derek Anderson is the future in Arizona!

4. I think Joe Buck said what a lot of us were thinking after seeing a highlight in the first half of Seattle-San Francisco, a shot of wide receiver Mike Williams -- the failed Lions draftee -- catching a key pass on a Seahawk drive. Said Buck: "Somewhere, Matt Millen is saying, 'Oh, now you want to play.' ''

Earlier in this exact same MMQB, Peter was writing about Mike Williams in a "feel-good" fashion. Now he is not feeling so good about Williams.

5. I think you want to play 18 games, NFL? I'm watching this Eagles game Sunday, and two of Philly's 10 most important players (Kolb, Stewart Bradley) go out with concussions, and the starting center, Jamaal Jackson, is lost for the season with a torn biceps. Bob Sanders, Matthew Stafford, Kevin Boss, Matt Moore ... and I'm sure I'm missing 20 more. Adding regular-season games is an idea whose time should never come.

18 regular season games is a bad idea. I can't think of how this is a good idea that doesn't involve money for the owners. Cut the preseason games down (which will never happen for obvious reasons...namely the owners won't give up revenue for ANY potential home game), but I don't think 18 games in a season is the answer.

f. Eric Dungy, son of Tony, is a frosh Oregon receiver. Ducks played at Tennessee on Saturday night. Eric texted Peyton Manning before the game and said, in effect, if you want the Vols to win, you'd better come back and play quarterback. Like the kid's moxie.

It's easy to have moxie and talk shit when you can't be found anywhere on the Oregon Ducks depth chart and know you aren't going to probably have to make an impact in the game.

I looked on ESPN.com and saw that Bill Simmons has a retro-diary up from the FIBA World Championships. Not a running diary, but a retro-diary. Who told him a retro-diary was a better thing than a running diary? What else does he have to do that stops him from doing a running diary?