MMQB Review: Redemption Song Edition

Every week Peter King writes his MMQB and surprises me with something not-so-genius he says or annoys me with an entire conversation he has with a player that he has to relate. Fortunately, he doesn't relay any conversations for the current week's MMQB. This week redemption is the name of the game for Peter and naturally he is talking about Mike Vick. Because in Peter King's warped mind, abusing and murdering animals can be atoned for with excellent football play. Did you accidentally run over a pedestrian? Redemption comes with a good season at wide receiver. Did you try to sexually assault a woman in a bathroom? Just outperform the backup or keep the momentum the backup quarterback has started and all is forgiven. Let's get ready to feel good.

PHILADELPHIA -- Michael Vick is not going away. In fact, he's getting better.

That's interesting because some of the things Ron Mexico gave people aren't going away either. They are only getting worse.

Yes, he is currently doing great at playing quarterback for the Eagles. He beat the Jaguars. I'm afraid I still require more proof that he is a different Mike Vick. I will have no problem giving Vick credit if he looks great after playing the Redskins and Falcons, but I have seen him do this in the past, only to look bad a couple weeks later. I don't doubt his talent.

NEW YORK -- Braylon Edwards shaves (thank God), calls Roger Goodell to apologize for being an idiot, sits a quarter and makes a big play to help the Jets beat Miami.

I am sure Braylon Edwards learned his lesson.

"Don't drive and drive kids or else you may miss 1/4 of a football game and then still have a chance to be praised as the hero for the game by Peter King."

There is no way the Jets were sitting Edwards longer than they did anyway.

PITTSBURGH -- The quarterback America's rooting for, Charlie Batch, gets his biggest win in years.

I'm not cheering for Charlie Batch. I don't care about Charlie Batch. Let me tell you a secret Peter (leans into Peter's ear and whispers)...I don't give a shit nor do I openly cheer for any quarterback that doesn't play for my favorite NFL team.

Good for Charlie Batch, but I have my own quarterback to cheer for. I'm not going to cheer for Batch simply because he has never been a good quarterback and now he won a game as he got older.

How much longer will we ask if Vick is fool's gold? He's responded to every challenge, favorably, so far as the most surprising story of the season. After Sunday's 28-3 rout of the Jags in Jacksonville, this is his 2010 resume:

Was there ever any doubt NFL sportswriters would forget all about the constant condemnation of Vick by...them...and jump on the "Vick is back" bandwagon? Nothing is easier to write for a lazy sportswriter than a redemption story. Well, maybe a fluff piece, but redemption stories are a close second.

He entered the first game of the season, against Green Bay, when Kolb suffered a concussion, and in the two-and-a-half games since, has led the offense to 80 points, accounting for seven touchdowns and 920 passing and rushing yards. He's thrown no interceptions, and has a 110.2 quarterback rating. He's never had a rating higher than 81 in his career.

The fact Vick has never had a rating higher than 81 in his career, the fact he is older and slightly less mobile now than he used to be, the fact he is playing for a new contract...none of these little items are tip offs that maybe Vick won't do this for the rest of the season or next season? He's having a contract year! Plain and simple. Good for him.

There's a group of people (I hear from them every time I write about Vick) who won't be happy if Vick succeeds, because of his dogfighting history. But the fact is he did his time and has tried to redeem himself by doing and saying all the right things in the 14 months since the Eagles signed him.

This is in the past and irrelevant really. Peter is writing about Vick and calling him a redemption story. He is not redeemed from his crimes simply because he is good at football. That's all I am saying. Peter is mixing up issues. Some people hate Vick no matter what and others are like me in that they don't really care about Vick or how what he does on the football field relates to his actions off the field. He isn't redeemed because he plays football well. He is redeemed because of his actions off the field and it has nothing to do with whether he is a practice squad member or a Pro Bowl quarterback.

Atlanta, up 24-21, had a fourth-and-six at the Saints' 37 with 3:36 left in the fourth quarter, with the potent New Orleans offense on the sidelines waiting to strike. Instead of punting, Smith chose to go for it. And in the NBC viewing room, the Football Night in America fellows were surprised.

Fortune favors the bold! Verily, the Falcons went on to win the game! When this happened I wrote "Game Over" in the notebook I carry around that has pictures of high school cheerleaders on the cover.

There is a 123% chance this fourth down conversion ends up in Gregg Easterbrook's TMQ.

Logic said you pin the Saints back, or try to, with a lead late in the game. Smith chose to gamble, thinking the Falcons had a winnable play called to tight end Tony Gonzalez. "My thought process was we had a matchup we liked, and if our punt went into the end zone, it would be a net of only 17 yards,'' Smith said. "The ball got tipped at the line of scrimmage. No regrets, though. None at all.''

Because he went for it, the Falcons players became more inspired because their coach was trying to win and then it became a formality that the Falcons would win the game...all because they went for it on fourth down. Well, that and because Garrett Hartley missed a chip shot field goal, but he was probably intimidated by the Falcons will to win by going for it on fourth down.

We've seen in the Vick and Roethlisberger cases that the public may one day forgive after a scandalous offense, though the process is slow.

It seems that Peter is indicating the public has forgiven Ben Roethlisberger for his offense (that was never charged) and he thinks this process is slow. Roethlisberger got into trouble for his offense a little bit over 7 months ago. If Peter thinks he is forgiven already, then the process is not slow at all. He would be forgiven by the public before he even took another NFL snap.

One of the most philanthropic players in the league, Batch runs a summer basketball league for the kids in the hardscrabble, gang-ridden area of town where he grew up, trying to keep kids from meeting the same fate his sister met in 1997 -- when she was murdered as an innocent bystander in the crossfire between rival gangs.

Oh, I guess that is why I am supposed to feel good for Charlie Batch. The fact he has played well on the football field completely makes up for the death of his sister or at least makes him feel a little bit better about her death? I can feel good for Charlie Batch that he is such a charitable and nice person, but I am not sure if I feel good for him because his sister died tragically and now he is playing football well. As if, again, one issue really makes one feel better about the other.

He threw deep to Mike Wallace twice, connecting on 46- and 41-yard touchdowns --ironically, once beating the son of former Steeler assistant Russ Grimm, rookie safety Cody Grimm --among his three scoring passes.

I am not sure if this is actually ironic or not.

Not to keep you hanging, but in tomorrow's column, I'll update you on what Roethlisberger's been doing while suspended.

Bangin' bitches and not sweatin' the trick-ass hoes who have brought him down in the past?

4. Troy Polamalu, S, Pittsburgh. Might have been higher if not for a pretty quiet game Sunday in Tampa. But to me, Polamalu looks more valuable to the Steelers than Ben Roethlisberger.

If only there were a remedial, oversimplistic way to determine which player were more valuable. Oh yeah, there is!

(Bengoodfella looks at the Steelers' record without Roethlisberger and without Polamalu and determines that Polamalu is more valuable)

MVP Watch

1. Michael Vick, QB, Philadelphia. Seriously. Eagles have outscored foes 80-49 in Vick's 10 quarters of play, his touchdown-to-interception ratio is 6:0, and he's still the most dangerous running threat at the position.

9. Philadelphia (2-1). The Eagles' line and defense probably isn't good enough to go deep into January, but we've learned one thing of late: With Michael Vick, all things are possible.

I had honestly forgotten about the media's love for all-things-Mike Vick. I am slowly starting to remember why I never really liked Vick. When he played for the Falcons, sportswriters just loved him. Then he did something wrong and the same sportswriters turned on him. Now he is playing well again and they are back up his ass and say he is redeeming himself. It's all ridiculous to me.

What are the odds Vick starts playing well again and then becomes the last guy to show up to practice and the first guy to leave practice like he did in Atlanta...except he does this in Philadelphia now? No one ever doubted his talent, but it was his practice habits that were always the question.

Quote of the Week II

"I guess in this world we don't have a lot of people with, like, backbones. Just because somebody pay you money don't mean they'll make you do whatever they want or whatever. I mean, does that mean everything is for sale? I mean, I'm not for sale. Yeah, I signed the contract and got paid a lot of money, but ... that don't mean I'm for sale or a slave or whatever."

-- Washington defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth, to radio station 106.7 The Fan. Haynesworth has been paid $34-million since signing with the Redskins 19 months ago, and is not happy the team is asking the defensive tackle to play defensive tackle.

I could get on-board the Haynesworth pity train if he would just express himself a little bit better. If he would explain eloquently, rather than whine, how he feels like he would be better put to use in the 3-4 defense than playing nose tackle than I could maybe, maybe, get behind what he has to say. He could be better used as an outside defensive end in the 3-4 defense, but there is no proof of that obviously. Instead he cries, whines and says absolutely stupid things to the media like this about the situation. Part of me thinks Haynesworth could be better served as a defensive end in a 3-4, but he doesn't help himself by his shitty performance on the field and his insane comments to the media.

He is this week's example #1 of why the average sports fan can't connect with today's athlete. Possibly, Haynesworth could state his case and get some people on his side. The Redskins signed him as a pass-rusher/run-stopper hybrid, but at the nose tackle position he is responsible mostly for taking up blocks and stopping the run. Perhaps he could be of more use at the defensive end position in a 3-4, but he compares himself to a slave and pretty much forces the public to hate him.

Tweet of the Week

"Wow. From his Wikipedia page: 'Kareem Michael McKenzie (born May 24, 1979) is literally human garbage for the New York Giants ...' ''

-- NJ_StevePoliti, columnist Steve Politi of the Newark Star-Ledger, 63 minutes after the Giants lost to Tennessee, and McKenzie, the Giants' right tackle, committed two personal-foul penalties for New York.

I checked. Politi's spot on. There's a Wikipedia sports terrorist out there.

I love Wikipedia terrorists. As of right now it says,

"McKenzie wears a Schutt DNA football helmet which is evidently too tight based on his bone headed play on September 26, 2010."

It also says,

"Kareem Michael McKenzie (born May 24, 1979) is team killing player for the New York Giants of the National Football League."

I'm guessing that has to suck to read if you are Kareem McKenzie.

This lead me to look up Peter King's wikipedia entry and look what I found out about his early childhood:

His father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. Petter's mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. His father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. His childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring he'd make meat helmets. When he was insolent he was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. At the age of 12 peter received his first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved his testicles.

Quite interesting. It seems Peter King and Dr. Evil had similar upbringings. I wonder if Peter King finds his wikipedia terrorist as interesting as he found Kareem McKenzie's.

Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me

The Green Bay Packers can thank Brett Favre for one more thing,

It's about Brett Favre. Yep, it only interests Peter because of that funny feeling in his loins when he talks about Favre.

Mostly, the Packers should thank Favre for retiring initially and acting like a baby when he didn't get the starting job immediately handed back to him. They should thank him for this because Aaron Rodgers is awesome.

I will save you all the headache from reading the wall of text, but the Packers got Clay Matthews with the pick they got from the Jets for Favre, which they traded to the Patriots to draft Matthews. I am surprised in his next chart about the Patriots that Peter doesn't mention the Patriots traded away an opportunity to draft Matthews.

Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week

In the last seven days, I've been on Southwest, AirTran, the Amtrak Acela (twice); I've been stranded in Baltimore for four hours, been in Houston, in Manhattan ... and I have these five questions:

2. Why, when a child is crying that endless, bloodcurdling cry on an airplane, does a parent over and over say "Shhhhhh, shhhhhh,'' instead of taking the baby out of the seat, putting the child over his/her shoulder and rubbing or gently patting the baby in the back -- anything to change the dynamic or to try to coax a burp out of the poor kid?

Peter King has turned into "Super Nanny" on us. Don't know how to parent your kid? Ask Peter King. He knows the correct way to pretty much do anything.

3. Why could I find the New York Post, New York Times, New York Daily News, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, USA Today and Investors Daily at the Hudson News outlet in the Baltimore-Washington International Airport ... but not the hometown Baltimore Sun?

Hasn't Peter seen "The Wire?" It's because the newspaper is dying.

4. Why, if a flight is scheduled to leave at 10:15 a.m. out of Atlanta-Hartsfield International Airport, and your plane backs away from the gate at 10:15 a.m. and gets out to the runway on a cloudless, windless day (last Thursday), and it isn't the morning rush hour or the afternoon rush hour, does it then take 32 minutes to get up in the air? Atlanta's infamous for this, in all weather.

Call me not an impatient asshole, but I would prefer that a plane flight crew and air-traffic controllers take as much time as they would like to work on the plane. There's probably air traffic or some other reason why a plane can't immediately take off. It's annoying, but if this is a major issue in your life, then you have a nice life. Why does Peter King insist on bitching about every little travel inconvenience? If he doesn't like it, he can drive a few hours to the next airport and fly to wherever he is going from there.

I have to tell you about a great experience I had in Boston last Tuesday. The PR man for Runners World, David Tratner (some of you in football might remember Dave as one of the Jets' PR people in recent years),

Oh yeah, Dave! How is he?

We got a coffee in the Starbucks at the Sheraton -- the same hotel that houses the marathon runners every April -- and now I was the running nerd, needing affirmation from one of the greatest American runners ever. I didn't know how to ask it, so I just blurted it out:

"What'd you think of me as a runner?''

"You look smooth, comfortable,'' he said. "In eight miles, I never heard you breathe. You've got a very economical stride. You don't look like you're working hard. You're smooth. You're an athlete.''

Oh, stop!

This is an absolute ego trip that Peter King is taking. What is this guy going to say to him? "You suck" and then have Peter bitch about it in his MMQB?

"You're just a little hunched over at the shoulders. But you look like a lifelong marathoner in terms of the ease and the comfort of your stride. I really think you could run a marathon if you wanted to. You could fit into a running group with experienced runners here in Boston and fit right in.''

I'm blushing.

"You're really going to do well,'' he said. "You're going to love it.''

There is nothing like fishing for compliments. Peter hasn't had so much smoke blown up his ass since Brett Favre said Peter loved like a young Robert Redford as they were laying on a blanket at dusk in a field off the main highway in rural Mississippi.

a. Kyle Orton has really taken command of the Denver offense, and I don't say that just because he threw for 476 yards Sunday. You notice that Tim Tebow was the third quarterback Sunday? That's a nod to the fact that Orton's running the offense so well that Josh McDaniels doesn't think there's any point right now in taking Orton off the field to throw the Tebow change-up at the defense.

I am sure Woody Paige still thinks Tim Tebow should be the starter though. Wait, we haven't heard from Woody about this issue? There's a shock. A sportswriter takes a strong stand about a local team and when he is proven wrong doesn't talk about it again.

a. Adrian Peterson is going to see that first-quarter drop, with nothing but open field in front of him, for a long time.

Earlier in the column, Peter praised Peterson for not fumbling this year. Perhaps he has replaced one running back vice with another.

f. You're staring down your targets, Jimmy Clausen.

Warning: Slight rant coming.

The least of Jimmy Clausen's worries right now is that he is staring down his targets. He fumbled the snap twice yesterday. Twice. That's a main concern right now, getting the ball from the center to start the play. Clausen isn't staring down his receivers that badly. It was his first NFL start. First NFL start. First NFL start against a decent Bengals defense. Contrary to what the media wants you to believe, Clausen is not a proven veteran, but a 22 year old rookie. He was an upgrade over Matt Moore and even had a better QB rating than Carson Palmer (slightly) yesterday. Give the kid a few weeks and let's teach him the basics of taking a snap before worrying too much about him staring down his targets which was #21 on the list of problems for him this week. In fact, if Peter had watched the game he would know Clausen had more dropped snaps from the center than interceptions. He only had one interception and no other close calls from passes that could have been intercepted.

j. The Giants, in general, are contending with San Francisco for 2010's most disappointing team.

Really? Peter King personally had Carolina in the playoffs and John Fox as Coach of the Year. They have lost to an average Bengals team, lost to the "disappointing Giants" Peter just mentioned and lost to the Buccaneers. They are more disappointing than the Giants because the Giants beat Carolina.

4. I think I buy Chris Mortensen's report Sunday that Brett Favre has had second thoughts about his return to the Vikings. And why wouldn't he, when the team basically dragged him off his property a month ago?

They dragged him off the property because they needed a fucking answer on whether he was playing this year or not. Favre is the most unlikeable athlete in the world right now. You know he is thinking of quitting or he should not have come back. He only wanted to come back so he could be the hero and have a good year. He doesn't give a shit about his teammates or the Vikings organization to stick through a tough year. He was dragged off his property because he would not tell the Vikings if he was returning this year or not. They needed an answer. Favre gave one and like a baby he regrets that decision. Favre only wants to be a part of the Vikings when things are good.

But will he act on his emotions and quit? I don't believe it. Not for a second.

I believe it. I believe he wants his consecutive games started streak to continue (because he is all about personal goals, no matter how much he tries to admit he isn't), so he is in quite a situation now. He can't retire now, because he would look bad, but he needs to keep playing to keep that consecutive games started streak away from Peyton Manning.

If the Vikings nose dive it would not shock me if Favre got "injured" and had to retire. Nothing he does shocks me. I believe he could retire right now and 50% of the sports media would stick up for him.

a. Congrats on 2,500 wins, Bobby Cox.

Fun fact: Every MLB team where the Braves have played this year (on the road) has done something or given something to Cox, except for one team...the Florida Marlins. They are too cheap to spend any money on him. This just contributes to the continuing terribleness of that organization.

c. The last week of the baseball season was looking interesting, until Papelbon and Okajima took the mound Sunday night.

I like how many "true" Red Sox fans (Bill Simmons being one of them) got more interested as the Red Sox got closer to contending at the end of this year. It's like there is a correlation in their interest and the Red Sox ability to contend.

e. I wish something could make me interested in the National League West race.

Have it be between three teams on the East Coast. Then that's all we would hear about over here. The NL West race is taking place on the West Coast, so East Coast snobs who live in their Boston/New York-centric world don't give a shit about anything that doesn't involve those two teams.

i. Missed The Office the other night. I thought Michael was off the show. What's the story? Does he have one more year?

How can you enjoy this show and be this clueless about the show? It's widely known, especially among fans of the show, that Steve Carell has one more year.

Actually, I feel the same way about Peter and other things (like baseball) that he likes as well. He can be so clueless about things he claims to like.