Opposite Day for Troy Aikman

Hi kids. I know I've been something of a deadbeat Dad when it comes to my participation on the blog here (but by God if Ben doesn't run one hell of a tight ship). And I have no excuse for that. Really. But in the fine spirit of deadbeat Dads before me, I come with a tacky gift - Troy Aikman's stupidity. Not content with merely serving this up to us once a week on Sunday's, Troy has popped in to say hello on Thursday, with one of the more boring articles anyone can write (hey, it is Troy Aikman); a QB top 10 list. Here 'tis.

Troy Aikman lists his top 10 NFL quarterbacks

let's call it a win for catchy titles.

Having played the position myself, I probably view quarterbacks a little differently than most people.

c'mon Chad Henne #1!

It’s not just about talent and production. A quarterback also has to be the team leader and spokesman, and he must be able to handle criticism as well as praise.

...what a radical redefinition of the position. I've never heard anyone in the media talk of this "leadership" and "poise" attributes you speak of.

Given all of the media outlets and fan forums out there now, the scrutiny of quarterbacks has never been more intense.

My list of the top 10 quarterbacks probably will generate healthy debate among fans — Why did you leave this guy off? Why is that guy ranked so low? — but I know one thing: Each of these players has the complete package, and I would start a team with any of them.

you're all winners! But seriously, are you trying to pre-emptively comfort the losers? Predict the mass hysteria your (entirely non controversial, bar one, very, very, very big glaring omission) list will generate. "I know some will call me brash, foolish, even arrogant at the preperation of this list. All I can tell those people is that writing this list was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life, and I hope you all can forgive me."

Just give me Peyton, Brady and Brees.

1. Peyton Manning, Colts. I’ve never seen any quarterback shoulder more responsibility and do more for his team. We all see what he does in games on Sunday, but what he does in practice during the week is just as impressive.

2. Tom Brady, Patriots. He recently became the highest-paid player in the NFL — and deservedly so. Three Super Bowl championships. Enough said.

3. Drew Brees, Saints. He’s the perfect guy to run Sean Payton’s offense. I don’t know if there are many players more prepared going into a game.

don't say he didn't warn you to brace yourself. How feeble are these little explanations by the way? Manning - he's responsible for the offense and prepared. Brady - he's paid a lot and won rings. Brees - he's responsible for the offense and prepared. This is the greatest waste of bandwidth since...well, that's what this blog is for isn't it? To document all that stuff.

4. Aaron Rodgers, Packers. He stepped in under difficult circumstances two years ago and has produced back-to-back 4,000-yard passing seasons. Plus, his best days are still ahead. Aaron is one cool customer who has handled everything thrown at him with ease.

very chic pick. Even the first open slot he filled predictably.

5. Philip Rivers, Chargers. He has great charisma and is a tremendous competitor. For a guy who doesn’t move that well in the pocket, he has surprising playmaking ability.

even if his team does hate him.

6. Tony Romo, Cowboys. He’s a great playmaker. People have criticized him for not showing up big in big games — and at times he has struggled — but it’s not because he doesn’t welcome the challenge. He loves competition.

let the record show that the three names above have a 4-8 postseason record between them. Remember this, it'll be important in a minute. Keen observers probably see what's coming.

7. Matt Schaub, Texans. After escaping the obscurity of playing behind Michael Vick in Atlanta, Schaub has blossomed as a starter in Houston. If he can stay healthy, his performance this season could elevate his status around the league.

Schaub has started 22 consecutive games and 41 of a possible 51 for the Texans, hardly a huge injury risk.

8. Carson Palmer, Bengals. Injury issues and distractions around the team have sometimes called attention away from the fact he is pretty special. He’s one of the most talented guys nobody talks about.

people talk about Carson Palmer all the time. His QB rating for the last three years is 83.12. He ain't the same guy Troy.

9. Matt Ryan, Falcons. With Ryan as their starter, the Falcons have had back-to-back winning seasons for the first time in franchise history. As long as he stays healthy, they’re going to have a lot of winning seasons — and playoff victories, too.
10. Joe Flacco, Ravens. For a guy who plays on an offense that tends to get overshadowed by its defense and big personalities, he has developed into a great leader. I like him a lot.

OK, here's why I'm here.

Ben Roethlisberger.

Just from the Wiki page.

Roethlisberger has been one of the most efficient passers in NFL history. He currently ranks 9th all-time in NFL passer rating (91.7), 5th in yards per attempt (8.01), and 9th in completion percentage (63.29%) among quarterbacks with a minimum of 1500 career attempts. He has the 5th highest winning percentage (.698) as a starter in the regular season among quarterbacks with a minimum of 80 starts.

He's 7-2 in the postseason. The names above him (not including the big three) are 6-13, none has a winning playoff record. None have ever even been to a Superbowl. Three of them have had just three full seasons in the league. Troy, What. The. Fuck. I think he actually, literally just forgot because Roethlisberger's missed a few games. I'm sorry, I'm not even a Big Ben guy but come the fuck on. He's done this all behind one of the worst O-Line's in the league (at least consistantly below average) and rarely had an above average running game.

But wait, there's more.

Honorable mention: Brett Favre, Vikings. He didn’t make my top 10 only because he’s about to turn 41. We take his consecutive games streak for granted, expecting him to be there every week. Because of that, we’ve lost sight of just how punishing playing quarterback is. Favre came back last year and played at an unbelievable level. That was more impressive than anything I’d seen him do in his 20 NFL seasons.

my issue here, it may surprise you, is not with Favre's mention (notwithstanding my Roethlisberger comments above). No, it's with the "punishing" line. Playing quarterback is punishing apparently.

I call shenanigans. Shenanigans I say!

Honestly, this is the only player on the field you can touch with a feather duster only. He is the most protected player of the 22 out there, both in terms of blocking and of referees. Yeah, those running backs sure have it easy huh Troy? And what about those bum offensive lineman? Pussies. Try going out there and playing quarterback, when you have the punishing embarrassment of sitting down while players around you apologise to a referee for touching you. Punishing stuff.

Maybe wide receiver. Maybe I can give you wide receiver. But even a receiver gets tackled three or four times a game. Quarterback is the one, non special teams position on the field, where you have a possible chance of not touching anyone on the opposition for the entire game. They devote five men specifically to stop you being tackled. When a quarterback is tackled, everyone, spectators, players, broadcasters, are beside themselves with excitement. They even have a special stat to commemorate it it's so amazing. Coaches demand that quarterbacks do not run for fear of being physically imposed upon by the opposition player, something every other player goes through between four and fifty times a game. There is not a more preening position in sports, and this "consecutive games" thing is fucking ludicrous. Running backs should be applauded for this. Offensive lineman. Linebackers. Not fucking quarterbacks, and especially not, self serving Brett fucking Favre.

Now I'm done.