Microfracture Surgery? More like Schmicrofracture Schmergery

I don't normally do Peter King, and I hope I'm not stepping on Ben's toes here, but as I read his picks, my jaw dropped further and further with each game he picked. Not the picks themselves, I mean picks are whatever, but just some of the shit he says, is amazing. eg...

Detroit Lions (2-0) at Minnesota Vikings (0-2)
Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford's former high school baseball teammate, Clayton Kershaw, wins his 20th game and becomes a leading candidate for the National League Cy Young. In Minnesota, Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer get shut down for the year with injuries. A coincidence? I think not.

I can only assume this is meant to be some cutesy joke? I mean...obviously it's a coincidence. But it's not funny, it's not even remotely relevant. This is the best thing he could say about this upcoming game? What about Minnesota not having to even consider the running game and playing two and three deep all game to challenge Stafford? What about Jared Allen challenging the offensive front of the Lions who haven't allowed a sack all year?

San Francisco 49ers (1-1) at Cincinnati Bengals (1-1)
Guess who's the eighth-rated quarterback in football after two weeks, with a 105.7 rating, completing 66 percent of his throws, with zero interceptions in eight quarters? Two clues: He's playing in this game. And he's got red hair. If you can't answer it, you need to click away from this page. Immediately.

He's also played Denver (29th in YPA pass defense in 2010) and Cleveland (26th). Also, regarding impugning the reader's football interest and knowledge, people in glass houses Peter, people in glass houses. Even besides that though, what a bit of snobbery. I mean Peter, I hate to break it to you friend, but you're not who NFL diehards read. They read Mike Lombardi, or Football Outsiders etc. So, you're appealing to a pretty mass market audience (this is SI after all) and some people, yeah, aren't gonna know who Andy Dalton is. Shame on you for trying to make them feel stupid for not knowing who a relatively irrelevant quarterback is. Again, glass houses.

Miami Dolphins (0-2) at Cleveland Browns (1-1)
I remember a long time ago -- like, back in August -- when I picked the Dolphins to finish fourth in the AFC East, and I got 4,519 tweets from Dolfans telling me how preposterous that was. The general tenor of the messages was that even if Chad Henne struggled mightily, the D would hold them in games. Well, through two weeks, Miami is dead last in defense, and has allowed 30.5 points per game. Not good.

Miami is in real trouble, as I wrote this week, but New England and Houston are two of the very finest offensive teams in the NFL. They ranked 4th and 5th in the NFL in YPA, 10th and 3rd in YPC, 8th and 3rd in total offense and 1st and 9th in points. Again, Miami has not been great, but I think the immortal Colt McCoy might find the sledding a little tougher, how about bringing this to the attention of your readers rather than admonishing them? Or does that not give you the self congratulatory thrill of being simplistic and lazy?

New England Patriots (2-0) at Buffalo Bills (2-0)
Fabulous game. Fun game. The Bills, as the world knows, have lost 15 straight to the Patriots. The last time they beat New England, 31-0 on opening day 2003 ... now that was a memorable day. Lawyer Milloy, dumped by the Pats in a cap move, ended up with Buffalo for the game. Tom Jackson said on ESPN the Patriots hate their coach. And the players were so united in their contempt for Bill Belichick that, after this game, they won 19 of their next 20 games -- and the Super Bowl. This time, Ryan Fitzpatrick, who used to watch Tom Brady shred foes from his dorm room at Harvard, will go toe to toe with Brady. This will be anyone's game in the fourth quarter.

I'll hold you to that.

New York Giants (1-1) at Philadelphia Eagles (1-1)
Cruel and unusual punishment: Steve Smith scores the winning touchdown in the fourth quarter, and the M*A*S*H-unit Giants can only wonder, "Why didn't we sign this guy back in July?"

Gee, Peter, I don't know. To be fair, Tracy McGrady, Anfernee Hardaway, Allan Houston, Terrell Brandon, Jamal Mashburn, Chris Webber were completely unaffected by the procedure, so, yeah - Giants were a bunch of dummies.

Denver Broncos (1-1) at Tennessee Titans (1-1)
Stat Most Illustrative of Why Tennesseeans Are Glad Titans Signed Hasselbeck Dept.: Tennessee has the third-fewest rushing yards in football (117), with the highest-paid running back in football (Chris Johnson). You never know.

Of course you "never know". What a pointless thing to say. Obviously you don't know. If I knew I'd be sipping cocktails in the Carribean with my vast gambling fortune. But surely you might say this is not sustainable? Matt Hasselbeck's QB rating in his last 35 regular season games, over the previous 3 seasons is 71.2. He threw 34 TD's and 44 INT's. And he is now a year older. "You never know", what does this even mean?

New York Jets (2-0) at Oakland Raiders (1-1)
Why? Just a gut feeling. Oakland's really ticked off about losing the game in Buffalo; the players sound wounded. The Jets are playing a center who's never played, with Nick Mangold down with a high ankle sprain. Oakland should be seething against the league for putting them at Denver on Monday night, late, to start the season, then, after getting home at 4 a.m. Tuesday, flying back out three days later to a city four-and-a-half hours away. Just a hunch, but I bet a few of the players were in a lather over that. Tough spot for the Jets, who are better on a neutral field. Which this will not be on Sunday.

When is the last time the Jets played on a neutral field? London and the Superbowl are the only neutral fields any NFL team plays on right? Are you just saying that they are better at home then on the road? Thanks for that Sherlock. NFL teams play better at home than on the road - must remember that. And you criticise people for not knowing Andy Dalton.

Baltimore Ravens (1-1) at St. Louis Rams (0-2)
You know why the Ravens need this game quite a bit? Because they have to prove to their fans and themselves that the resounding Steeler victory in Week 1 didn't take so much out of them for the rest of the year. Oh, and it would help if their corners could cover the way did in Week 1 too.

Look the Ravens may be old, but I assure you, winning one game will not ruin them for the next sixteen - trust me on that one Pete.

Man, that was fun. Now I know the rush of superiority Ben must feel writing on this guy.