Gregg Easterbrook Still Hates "The Dark Knight," Logic and Facts That Support His Contentions

Last week in his non-triumphant return to writing TMQ, Gregg Easterbrook told us why teams need to draft a quarterback early in the NFL Draft and revealed the NCAA's conspiracy to get rid of all the teams with high graduation rates who have made the NCAA Tournament by matching these teams up against each other. This week Gregg decides cornerbacks are at a premium in the NFL Draft. After hearing last year's TMQ-led revelation that quality tight ends are important, last week's revelation drafting a quality quarterback is important to a team's success, and this current week's revelation that quality cornerbacks are important to a team...I'm starting to get the feeling quality players at nearly every position on the football field is important to a team's success. This week Gregg explains why cornerbacks are being drafted more than any other position in the NFL Draft. Gregg also takes out more time to criticize "The Dark Knight" and focus on how incredibly unrealistic the movie is. One would think a movie about a millionaire who dresses like a bat to fight crime would be ultra-realistic.

This column is about how cornerbacks are at a premium in the NFL Draft, and yet, only five corners were taken in the first 65 picks. I do agree cornerbacks are important as the NFL becomes a more passing league. Gregg does have a point when he explains the NFL is now a passing league, so that is why more corners are being chosen. He is somewhat wrong when he tries to say corners are now more important than pass rushers. He tends to take things one step too far like that.

The football draft is assumed to be about muscular giants whose crushing man-hugs threaten the ribs of commissioner Roger Goodell. Here's a little secret -- the skinny guys recently have ruled the NFL draft.

Right. Because when I look at Morris Claiborne I think, "Man, he's skinny!"

Football coaches talk nonstop about the need for their teams to get bigger and stronger.

I am sure in Gregg's fictional world, all coaches talk nonstop about needing their teams to get bigger and stronger. In the real world, football coaches want their players to play faster too. Gregg has done the typical JemeHill "I'm going to create a fictional conclusion that I will claim most people come to and then disprove it" form of writing. It's shocking to think Gregg's complete bullshit assumption isn't correct.

"You hear coaches talk nonstop about how they want to get more athletic, but then they draft offensive linemen who sometimes weigh 320 pounds. This doesn't make sense! (makes a broad assumption based on one example from an NFL game to prove a point about why teams should always go for it on fourth down)"

If offenses are getting better at passing, secondaries must improve in response. Right now, corners seem more urgently needed than, say, run-stuffing defensive linemen.

What about defensive linemen who can rush the passer and stuff the run? Of course this is Gregg Easterbrook writing this column and he believes the NFL works like Super Tecmo Bowl or how another basic video game works. If Team A runs the ball then Team B will always do Action X. When Action X happens then Result Y is achieved. Gregg is incapable of understanding nuance. Defensive linemen are only capable of stuffing the run OR rushing the passer. They can not do both. This explains why three defensive tackles have gone in the Top 3 of the NFL Draft over the past three years...to solely stuff the run. Corners who are excellent in coverage are more urgently needed than run-stuffing defensive linemen, but defensive linemen who can stuff the run AND rush the passer are in need as much or more than corners.

And while back in 1981 (when Lawrence Taylor was the second overall choice in the draft) or 1985 (when Bruce Smith was the first overall choice) the riposte to a good passing attack was a rusher who could knock the quarterback on his keister, rule changes have made the pass rush less of an answer.

Really? So teams don't focus as much on the pass rush as they used to? If this is true then help explain why over there were eight defensive linemen and pass rushing linebackers chosen in the Top 10 over the past four drafts? 20% of the picks over the last four drafts have been designed to grab a player who can put pressure on the passer. This year there weren't any pass rushing linebackers or defensive linemen chosen in the Top 10, so I think Gregg is creating a trend based solely on this year's draft.

To stop a pass-wacky modern offense, corners are more promising than rushers.

Not entirely true. The Giants beat the Packers and Patriots last year with good, but not great corners because they had an excellent pass rush. A great pass rush will usually beat a pass-wacky offense. It lessens the time the quarterback has to throw the ball and allows the defense to drop more men in coverage. Maybe I am wrong (which I don't believe I am), but I will always believe a great pass rush is the best way to stop a great passing offense...or even to simply stop a great offense. So to stop a pass-wacky offense, rushers are still more promising than corners because pass-rushers can get to the quarterback and allow the defense more players in the secondary covering receivers.

Now, it's almost a surprise tactic when an NFL team does not have four players split wide.

Gregg is going overboard with this statement. It is not a surprise when a team doesn't split four wide receivers wide. Many teams in the NFL do not predominantly use a four-wide set. Gregg is exaggerating, as he is prone to do. The NFL is definitely becoming a throwing league, but less than four players split wide isn't a surprise tactic.

See that skinny kid jogging around with the defensive backs at the high school practice? Now he's more likely to end up drafted than the incredible hulk kid.

No, he's not. There's really no way to prove this one way or another. Especially when you consider the incredible hulk kid could be drafted to play defensive end, defensive tackle or any positions on the offensive line. The skinny kid jogging around with defensive backs can be a wide receiver, safety, or cornerback. This statement really means nothing since it is (as usual) backed with no supporting evidence. Plenty of offensive linemen and defensive linemen are still being drafted and Gregg needs to remember kids are who are big and hulking at a young age can play two other positions on the football field outside of defensive end or defensive tackle.

First, the Tuesday Morning Quarterback draft analysis.

First, this isn't analysis, but merely a regurgitating of facts from 2011 that doesn't tell us anything about the players just drafted or how they will fit in with the 2012 version of each NFL team. For some reason, Gregg seems to believe talking about and summarizing the past season counts as any kind of analysis.

In five NFL seasons, Kolb is 6-10 as a starter with more interceptions (22) than touchdown passes (20). In two NFL seasons, Skelton is 7-4 as a starter, although he also has more interceptions (16) than touchdown passes (13).

This is Gregg's version of analysis. What does this tell us? Who knows? Gregg doesn't analyze what this tells us. He just throws facts out and hopes it proves whatever point he is trying to prove.

Keep an eye on Cardinals fourth-round selection Bobby Massie, an offensive tackle from Ole Miss. He was the successor to Michael Oher, drafted three years ago from the same position at the same college. Massie probably will get somewhat less media attention.

You think? You think the guy who didn't have a nationally released movie and book about him will get less attention than a guy who did have a book and movie released about him? Thanks for the analysis Gregg.

Atlanta: Atlanta, New Orleans and Oakland entered the draft having already spent their first-round picks -- and like Oakland, Atlanta got no playoff win in return for selling the family silver.

Julio Jones was a rookie at wide receiver. He has 959 yards receiving with 8 touchdowns as a rookie. It wasn't completely his fault the Falcons didn't win a playoff game, no matter how much Gregg wants to call Jones "a diva," like he did last year and try to blame Jones for the Falcons offensive troubles.

That the Falcons failed to score on offense in that playoff loss is doubly vexing since they had invested two first-round choices, and more, in the supposedly unstoppable Julio Jones.

No one said Julio Jones is unstoppable. So why does Gregg say "supposedly unstoppable Julio Jones" when no one has stated he is unstoppable? Why does ESPN allow him to write TMQ? Are the only people who enjoy TMQ intellectuals who don't really care for sports in the first place? Is there anyone that enjoys TMQ or reads it and actually thinks Gregg understands anything about the NFL? Anyone? Because Gregg clearly just doesn't get it and he probably never will. Jones wasn't drafted with only one year of production in mind.

Atlanta devoted most of the 2011 season to a super-fast-paced no-huddle that had Matt Ryan calling multiple checks seconds before the snap. This tactic simply didn't work,

This tactic didn't work, other than the Falcons making the playoffs and losing to the eventual Super Bowl champion New York Giants. Not to mention, hasn't Gregg repeatedly encouraged NFL teams to use a faster paced offense to tire the defense out? I vividly remember Gregg encouraging teams to use a faster pace during the 2011 season in order to snap the ball more often than the other team (which Gregg believes is a key to victory) and tire out the opposing defense. One only need to look at Gregg's archive to see he has stated these two results of a fast-paced offense several times.

Had Buffalo simply kept Greer at corner and drafted someone else in the 2008 first round -- Pro Bowler Ryan Clady was the next player taken -- the Bills' oh-for-the-century playoff drought might have ended.

Yes, because if the Bills had drafted an offensive tackle and kept Jabari Greer this would have dramatically altered the course of the Bills franchise.

Chicago: Chicago just acquired Brandon Marshall, the big-body star receiver the Bears needed. Marshall is talented but a football knucklehead who doesn't study the playbook,

Marshall said he didn't study the Broncos playbook three years ago. He's had three 1000 yard receiving seasons since that time. Obviously, he has learned enough of the playbook to be successful.

City of Tampa: The Cowboys, Eagles and Patriots, traditionally the most active in draft trading, this year took a back seat to the Buccaneers.

Not to argue Gregg's contention with an attempt at producing facts, but I'm pretty sure the 49ers made four separate trades while the Bucs made three trades. So those three teams did take a back seat to the Bucs, but it seems Gregg is also suggesting the Bucs made the most trades in the draft overall when that isn't true.

Cleveland: The Browns were in the lottery portion of the draft for the seventh time in the past decade. With each additional year that Mike Holmgren runs this club, his past successes seem more like flukes.

His past successes as an NFL head coach aren't flukes because he is a bad at running the Browns. Holmgren has already been let go once as the General Manager with Seattle in 2002, but has proven to be a great head coach. Holmgren's perceived failures as President of the Browns doesn't mean his successes as a head coach was a fluke. We saw last week that Gregg couldn't grasp the concept a General Manager has more duties than simply drafting NFL players. It seems this week Gregg is getting the qualities and responsibilities required of a person to be the President of an NFL team and the head coach of an NFL team confused.

A dull team that never makes the excitement needle move, Cleveland with its first choice passed on game-breaker Justin Blackmon to select the efficient but grind-it-out Trent Richardson.

Clearly, Gregg Easterbrook has never watched Trent Richardson run the football. Regardless of what you think about drafting a running back in the Top 10, this has to be acknowledged. He is an exciting running back who is capable of breaking big runs. I'm constantly amazed at the factual inaccuracies that are allowed to exist in Gregg's columns. Trent Richardson is efficient, but he isn't a grind-it-out running back. Of course, if ESPN hasn't shown themselves to be terribly concerned with ensuring what Gregg writes has factual backing. He seems to pretty much get free rein as long as he doesn't offend anyone.

It's hard to believe trading Tebow on such short notice was the way to receive best value for him.

This is probably true, but QB Jets also may not have gained value sitting on the bench behind Peyton Manning and he could have served only as a distraction to the Broncos. So trading him, specifically since Manning probably didn't want QB Jets on the team, was the Broncos best option.

Perhaps Denver boss John Elway did not actually want full value for Tebow.

Yes, because secretly John Elway hated QB Jets so much he actually wanted less value for QB Jets through a trade than he ordinarily would have gotten. This makes so much sense. General Managers are often looking to make a worse deal for their team just out of spite.

If Tebow drew only a small price, Elway could say, "See, it's not just me; nobody in the whole league would offer more than a fourth-rounder for this yahoo. He's a fullback, not a quarterback."

The idiocy of Gregg believing John Elway didn't try to maximize the value he could receive for QB Jets is absolutely astounding. The NFL is a business. Personal feelings take a backseat to the business part. John Elway wanted to get as much for QB Jets as he was worth in order for the Broncos to get a better draft pick in exchange for QB Jets.

If Manning struggles or gets hurt again while the Jets win, Elway will have made himself the worst player-turned-executive since Matt Millen.

No, he won't.

Indianapolis: All good things must end. In 1992, Joe Montana left the 49ers; in 2007, Brett Favre left the Packers; in 1442, the Margraviate of Brandenburg left the Hanseatic League. Still, the Indianapolis decision to toss Peyton Manning aside at the first sign of infirmity is puzzling.

Gregg seems puzzled by pretty simple things. Gregg can't seem to understand how QB Jets being on the Broncos roster could be disadvantageous to Denver. He also can't understand how getting the #1 overall draft pick and spending that pick on a quarterback means the injured Hall of Fame quarterback on that team's roster has to find a new team. Andrew Luck and Peyton Manning would never work out playing on the same team. Manning wants to start for 2-3 more years and Luck's rookie contract would run out in four years (five years if his option is picked up after his third year). Manning wasn't tossed aside at the first sign of infirmity. He was tossed aside because of his infirmity and the Colts had the #1 overall pick, which gave them the opportunity to draft an NFL-ready quarterback in Andrew Luck. The Colts used the availability of Andrew Luck as a way of resetting the team.

Having chosen Stanford's Luck first, Indianapolis next chose his college pal Coby Fleener. When was the last time an NFL team's first and second draft choices came from an elite academic institution?

I don't know and I don't care. When will Gregg learn the NFL and the fans don't care about academics and whether a player came from an elite academic institution? Academics are important, but the NFL is about football.

Christmas Creep: Reader Phil Raymond of Chicago reports he received an email advising him that on March 22, he could purchase tickets to the 2012 Johnny Mathis Christmas show. It was an "exclusive presale," the email advised. Not only was this Christmas Creep in March, but the initial sale was "exclusive" in the sense of being available solely to those willing to pay for tickets.

Some things in life are consistent. The sun will rise, the sun will fall, and Gregg Easterbrook will not be capable of comprehending how marketing and advertising works. See, and I know this may shock Gregg, the point of having this Johnny Mathis concert is to make money by selling the venue out. How to sell out the venue? Make up an "exclusive" presale and try to entice people into buying tickets now for the concert in December. The venue wants to maximize revenue by selling all the seats and Johnny Mathis would like to have plenty of people in front of him to hear his songs. This isn't "creep" this is smart marketing. It would be nice to know in June the concert for December is sold out.

New England: After years of trading down on draft day, Bill Belichick gave up third- and fourth-round selections to trade up twice in the first round. He's a wild man! He's outta control!

And now Gregg Easterbrook can't criticize Belichick for trading back too often in the draft. Knowing Gregg, I have a feeling he will criticize Belichick for trading up in the first round and choosing the wrong player. Either way, trading up or trading back, Gregg has an issue if the outcome is not favorable.

Oakland: No first-round choice owing to the Carson Palmer trade, and Long Johns faithful hope the team will have no first-round choice next year, either, because Cincinnati gets a conditional pick that becomes a first-rounder if the Raiders reach the postseason. How often does an NFL fan base enter a season hoping that next year's first-round draft choice will be lost?

This doesn't happen often. Raiders fans aren't hoping the team misses the playoffs. I am sure Raiders fans would rather make the playoffs and lose the first round pick than miss the playoffs and lose a second round pick. Let's think logically about this. If the Raiders miss the playoffs, the second round pick for the Bengals will be in the 33-52 range. If the Raiders make the playoffs, the first round pick will be in the 22-32 range. The more games the Raiders win, the worse the second round or first round pick becomes. In fact, winning as many games as possible is the best way for the Raiders to ensure the Bengals don't get a good draft pick. So Raiders fans will cheer for the first round pick to be lost, but this isn't a bad outcome for the Raiders because they make the playoffs and the first round pick will be in the 20's of the 2013 NFL Draft.

I know Gregg didn't say the Raiders fans would want the team to lose games. I had to cut this line of thinking off right now because I have a feeling in November 2012 Gregg will claim the Raiders want their team to lose games and miss the playoffs to make the pick a second round pick. This won't be true. Winning games will always be advantageous to the Raiders. A playoff appearance will be worth giving the Bengals the #22 pick over giving the Bengals the #52 pick.

Not only does the "Rivals effect" swell young heads, but the high school rankings seem little better than throwing darts at a board. Rachel Bachman shows that 54 percent of the high schoolers that earned a five-star ranking, the top classification, not only were not drafted high by the NFL, they were never drafted at all.

How many high schoolers who had a three or four-star ranking were drafted by the NFL? 91% and 81% is the correct answer for each. So is there a "Rivals effect" for these players also? Are these players seeing their star ranking that causes their heads to swell? It goes both ways. If we can accuse five-star recruits of having big heads because of their star ranking, and they are drafted at a 54% rate, can't this also go for four-star recruits who get a big head based on their star ranking and are drafted only at a 81% rate?

I think the Rivals rating program is better than throwing darts at a dartboard since it seems the percentage of players from each "star" category who make it to the NFL decreases as the number of stars decrease. In fact, I'm not defending ratings systems, but if you are a five-star recruit you have just over a 50% chance of being drafted. Those don't seem to be bad odds in my opinion. Recruiting is not a science of course, and the star rankings can be pretty dumb at times, but a five-star ranking gives a high school athlete a pretty good chance of being drafted into the NFL.

Boosters pressure college coaches to produce highly ranked incoming classes -- although the rankings have little to do with who will become a good college player, as Brown's meltdown shows.

No, but the rankings do tend to show that certain players who are ranked highly as high school players have a better chance of being drafted into the NFL than lower ranked high school players. Gregg is using Bryce Brown as a the sole example of how ranking systems aren't 100% accurate, but the ratings systems are definitely somewhat accurate in projecting a player's future NFL prospects. The percentage of high school athletes drafted into the NFL decreases as the star rating decreases. Doesn't this mean the Rivals system has some sense of accuracy? In fact, guess who was the second rated running back behind Bryce Brown? Trent Richardson. I think he just got drafted at the #3 overall pick.

Your columnist is at work on a book about the effect of football on American society.

I can't wait to not read this book.

High school football players -- being on Rivals, the ESPN 150 or any similar ranking is a big thrill and a way to get college coaches to call your cellphone. But being listed has NOTHING to do with whether your athletic career will go well and might even hold you back by swelling your head.

The mere ranking of a player as a five-star recruit doesn't guarantee success. There's no doubt about that. It isn't merely throwing darts at a dartboard though. There is accuracy within reason about the way high school football players are ranked. It's easy to look at the four and five-star guys and feel confident more of them will be in the NFL than the two or three-star guys.

Pittsburgh: Here are the positions of the Steelers' past eight first- and second-round choices: four offensive linemen, two defensive linemen, a linebacker and a wide receiver.

Green Bay and Pittsburgh emphasize meat-and-potatoes at the top of the draft; the Packers and Steelers make regular Super Bowl appearances. These facts can't be related, can they?

These facts are about as related as also knowing the Packers and Steelers both have franchise quarterbacks and have found wide receivers in the 3rd round or higher who have contributed to the team, so they have been able to afford to use high draft picks on the meat-and-potatoes players. Merely drafting meat-and-potatoes guys isn't quite as effective if the quarterback and skill positions don't consist of really good players too.

Flynn, who has two starts in four NFL seasons, just received a $10 million guarantee. He had a fantastic 480-yard day in his one 2011 start, versus Detroit. Bear in mind that the next week, the Lions allowed 466 yards passing, because Detroit had a weak passing defense. One good afternoon throwing against a weak secondary is a positive sign, but does it justify a $10 million guarantee?

Yes, apparently it does. I'm not sure if Gregg is aware of this, especially since he only wrote about this last week, but NFL teams are desperate to find a franchise quarterback. $10 million guaranteed for Flynn isn't outrageous at all.

Draft Grade Inflation: "I like this pick. I really, really like this pick" -- said 10,000 times during draft coverage. If there was any pick that any commentator did not really, really, really like, your columnist was up getting a beer at that moment.

Apparently Gregg missed the Bruce Irvin pick...or he was too busy erasing all the times during the past NFL season he wrote "Game Over" in his notebook and then it turns out the game wasn't really over.

Then also trading down from the sixth overall choice to 14th was a head-scratcher. Is St. Louis, football's second-worst team in 2011, trying to avoid acquiring an impact player?

Yes, they are Gregg! St. Louis is actively trying to find a non-impact player! Les Snead wants to be fired as soon as possible! You got them pegged, don't you?

At the sixth selection, Fisher might have chosen Mark Barron, who has an excellent chance to become an impact safety; at the 14th selection, Fisher might have chosen any of the first three pass-rushers selected in the draft (Bruce Irvin, Quinton Coples and Melvin Ingram).

Instead, he went for an impact defensive tackle (Michael Brockers) who could develop into an excellent pass-rusher from the defensive tackle spot.

I am going to remember Gregg said Mark Barron had an excellent chance to be an impact safety for this upcoming year when Barron does something stupid and Gregg calls him a highly-paid glory boy and suggest Barron is lazy.

Shanahan seems willing to pay any price -- including perhaps the franchise's future -- to reload at quarterback. For its part, the Washington media gave a happy-days-are-here-again reception to the arrival of RGIII.

Just last week in TMQ Gregg was suggesting teams draft a quarterback in the first round in order to become a successful team. This week he is suggesting Shanahan will do anything to get an impact quarterback and seems to suggest the price paid was too steep. Shouldn't the guy who wrote the column a week ago about how valuable quarterback are to a team understand why a team would trade a lot of picks to draft a potentially impactful quarterback?

ESPN's metrics says Griffin's hands are smaller than those of Andrew Luck. And a quarterback's hand size matters a lot in rain.

Griffin played his high school and college ball in Texas, where annual precipitation is less than that east of the Mississippi, and he became a football star during the period when much of Texas was suffering a multiyear drought. In his two starring seasons with Baylor, Griffin started 21 games in Texas, and five games in also-dry Colorado, Kansas and Oklahoma. So far as I could determine, he has never played in the rain zones of the Northeast Corridor or Pacific Northwest.

This is the part where Gregg suggests Griffin won't succeed in the NFL because he will have a hard time throwing the ball in the rain. Shutdown Corner already took this statement down swiftly and efficiently. I will agree with the writer of Shutdown Corner that doing research always pays off. If only Gregg could get off his high horse and do a little.

"Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands," the poet warned. Sure, lack of rain experience is a super-specific concern. But Washington just invested three first-round draft choices in Griffin. Did the Redskins' brain trust take this into account?

Yes, they did because they presumably watched tape of Griffin playing well in the rain and saw it didn't affect him. This can't be said for Gregg Easterbrook, who prefers to pose questions, do zero research and then come to his own non-fact-based conclusion.

The upcoming 11th Batman theatrical release -- I will reveal my favorite Batman movie when the column resumes in August --

(Bengoodfella moves up to the edge of his seat and plans to wait for the next three-and-a-half months)

is being promoted by the studio as the "final" film to feature the Caped Crusader. Don't believe it.

No, no, no. "The Dark Knight Rises" is being promoted as the last CHRISTOPHER NOLAN DIRECTED Batman film. Don't believe this is the last Batman film, mostly because it had already been announced over a year ago that Warner Brothers will be making more Batman films. Seriously, thanks for acting smart and telling us you think Warner Brothers will make more Batman movies when this has already been announced. Also, thanks for getting how "The Dark Knight Rises" is being promoted factually incorrect. You're a peach, Gregg.

The Joker falls from the top floor of a 20-story building. He would splat on the ground in 4 seconds. Yet Batman has enough time observe the fall, draw his grappling hook launcher, fire it and save The Joker. In order to catch The Joker, who would after 3 seconds be falling at about 50 miles per hour, the grappling hook would need to come out of the launcher traveling perhaps 1,000 feet per second, nearly the speed of a pistol bullet.

(falls asleep as Gregg analyzes and criticizes "The Dark Knight" for the 100th time in the past four years)

Actually, THIS is analysis. If only Gregg would apply this type of analysis to TMQ perhaps it wouldn't be such a crappy column about the NFL.

When The Joker was snagged in midair at 50 mph and his momentum halted in an instant, force equals mass times acceleration means a transfer of many hundreds of pounds to Batman, who is holding the other end of the grappling line. This would rip Batman's arm out of his shoulder socket.

It would rip Batman's arm out of his shoulder socket, if this wasn't a fictional movie and all.

Consider last year's series finale of the Fox series "Human Target."

Gregg is now complaining about a show that has been canceled. It is off the air. Leave it alone.

What Manhattan landmark will Gwen Stacy be thrown off in "The Amazing Spider-Man"? Presumably she won't die, since a sequel already has been green-lit.

What ever landmark she is thrown off, I sort of hope she lands on Gregg Easterbrook.

Reader Max Villeneuve of San Diego notes that Ron Paul, an honest man, declined Secret Service protection because it would be hypocritical to denounce the deficit while accepting subsidies himself. Three cheers for Ron Paul!

If only he didn't have such crazy, novel ideas that weren't watered down by research, focus groups, and 100 people telling him what to believe so he doesn't offend anyone...then maybe he would have a realistic shot at running for President instead of being the sideshow he was turned into.

Next Week: See you in August, when the football artificial universe begins expanding anew.

I can't wait for the criticism of "The Dark Knight Rises." I'm sure Gregg will be astounded to learn Bane has superhuman strength and he will claim no person could really be that strong or the person's bones would break from the weight of their muscle, or something stupid like that.