MMQB Review: If a Tree Falls in the Forest, Could Robert Griffin Fly In and Save the Litter of Kittens About to Be Crushed Under It? Edition

Peter King warned us last week that we needed to hold off on putting Andrew Luck in the Pro Football Hall of Fame quite yet. Since Luck and the Colts (but mostly Luck) won a game this week does this mean we can start canonizing him again? More importantly, if Andrew Luck put shampoo from a hotel into his overnight bag, would he be stealing or not? Obviously since it is Andrew Luck taking the shampoo, no one would care, but assuming Luck was a normal human being...would that be stealing or not? This week Peter puts Joe Flacco on blast, talks about Malcolm Jenkins saving the Saints' season and tells us all how Robert Griffin has marked his territory all over the city of New York. 

If the Saints make something of this wreckage of a season -- with Sean Payton watching on TV from his place in Dallas, with the fate of their reputation in so many courtrooms and lawyers' offices in Washington and New York, with one interim/interim coach giving way to an interim coach this morning, with the new judge and jury in the case the savior of football in New Orleans -- they'll look back at a play every Pop Warner, junior high school, high school, college and NFL coach should show their players before practice today. They'll look at a trait that warms the heart of every fan, a trait so many of us think is missing all too often from the games we invest so much of ourselves in.

Strategery.

Hustle.

Sweat. Grit. Sticktoit-tiveness.

"I knew I had a long way to go,'' Saints safety Malcolm Jenkins said from Tampa after a scintillating 35-28 win over the Bucs. "I knew I just had to go."

"What was going through your mind?'' I asked. "What were you thinking?''

Peter King asking the hard questions no one else has the guts to ask.

"Not much thinking,'' he said. "Just, 'Go as fast as you can.' ''

"If you were a flavor of ice cream, which flavor of ice cream would you be and Brett Favre."

Bucs quarterback Josh Freeman lofted a throw to wide receiver Vincent Jackson between the numbers and the left sideline, and Jackson caught it at the 26 in full stride, having beaten two Saints defenders. Every Saint's heart sank. There was nobody between Jackson and the goal line, 74 yards away. It was a gimme touchdown.

Oh, but there was somebody between the goal line and Jackson. Speed, hustle, probably God, and Malcolm Jenkins.

I've looked up the dimensions of the NFL field, and ran the play over and over about 20 times on NFL Game Rewinds in the wee hours of this morning.

Pant-less, while thinking about nothing but haikus, hustle, probably God, and Malcolm Jenkins.

By the way, when/if Gregg Easterbrook brings this play up in TMQ, he will leave out the whole part about Malcolm Jenkins being a first round draft pick. Highly-paid glory boys get no recognition for hustle.

When Jackson got to midfield, Jenkins was 10 yards to the side and six yards behind.

At about the 12, Jenkins, now behind him, reached out and contacted Jackson. At first touch, Jackson was at the 10. When Jenkins got both hands on him, Jackson was at the 7. 

I'm on the edge of my seat right now. DOES HE CATCH HIM BEFORE HE SCORES A TOUCHDOWN?

Then it was a pigpile on Jackson, who contacted the earth, with Jenkins on his back, at the 1.5-yard line.

Saints season saved, and the Saints defense, or probably God, then stopped the Bucs from scoring a touchdown.

No time to back-pat. The ball was spotted at the 1.5-yard line, and the play clock started. Jackson went to the sideline and fresh troops came in for Tampa Bay, including a fresh running back, LeGarrette Blount. But Jenkins stayed in. The Saints stoned the Bucs on first and second down. Now it was 3rd-and-goal from exactly the 1. Jenkins was still huffing and puffing when he lined up outside the right end's shoulder. 

Jenkins was huffing and puffing but could he blow the house down?

(That's a bad Chris Berman-type line for you all to not enjoy)

The Saints' problems aren't over.

What? I thought this saved touchdown ended the Saints problems for not only this season, but for next season as well? I'm vexed.

The Saints' problems aren't over. They're still adjusting to defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo's new scheme, which de-emphasizes the endless blitzing former defensive coordinator Gregg Williams commandeered. It's not a great day for the defense when it gives us 28 points and 513 yards.

So the Saints defense still sucks and this goal line stand was the exception and not the rule? That does sound like quite an issue for the Saints, doesn't it?

If the Saints can find a way to go 8-2 and save one of the strangest seasons in NFL history, every man in that locker room -- and the coach in exile, watching on TV -- will have Jenkins to thank.

Along with Drew Brees, who will most likely be responsible for leading an offense that scores 30+ points in the remaining games to help the Saints win each game. In fact, I think the Saints can thank the following people in the following order if they go 8-2:

1. Drew Brees
2. Drew Brees
3. Drew Brees
4. God
...
21. Malcolm Jenkins

Jenkins' hustle on that player was great, but if the Saints go 8-2 over the rest of the season then Malcolm Jenkins' play will just be one of many reasons why. Right now Jenkins is still a part of a Saints defense that can't stop the opposing team very well.

I always judge the mark of an incredible play in an NFL game by the reaction it gets in the NBC viewing room on the fifth floor of our Rockefeller Center building in Manhattan.

If there is another more accurate and certain way to determine if a play is incredible or not, then I certainly am not aware of it.

And when Washington quarterback Robert Griffin III had a 4th-and-10 with 2:07 left at the Meadowlands, his team down 20-16 to the Giants, this is the sound I recall hearing from the likes of Rodney Harrison, Tony Dungy, Dan Patrick, Mike Florio and a score of other football wackos in the room as Griffin took the snap, looked for a receiver, found them covered, then rolled left, Giants chasing him -- "Getridofit! ... Noooooo! .... Whoaa!!! ... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!''

Is that a direct quote or is Peter paraphrasing?

Sounded louder than "Born To Run" at a Springsteen concert.

Well of course this is the natural comparison to the sounds heard in the NBC viewing room on the fifth floor of our Rockerfeller Center building in Manhattan, the same room that is the ultimate decider on how exciting a play may or may not be. Some plays, like many in the Raiders-Jaguars game, are as quiet as the stripped down version of "The River." 

By the way, don't you love the hyper-specific description Peter gives of where the NBC viewing room is? As if we couldn't get his point about the exciting Griffin play without the hyper-specificity on where the NBC viewing room is located. It's a shame he didn't tell us exactly which studio number the viewing room is located in.

Watching this game, I kept thinking how glad I was that Mike Shanahan and Bruce Allen paid whatever it is they paid to deal for Griffin. And whatever it is, it'll be worth it. He's one of the great, special players to come into the league in the 29 seasons I've covered it. No play's ever over.

Said everyone about Cam Newton last season and this season he is nothing but a ego-driven, washed-up pouting piece of shit that probably needs to just go die.

So get used to this. Manning's had a good rivalry with Tony Romo, and an OK rivalry with Michael Vick. But Manning-RGIII could really be special. Manning's 31. Griffin's 22. I hope Sunday was the first of about 20 meetings in the regular season and postseason between them.

20 meetings? Make it 100 meetings, just as long as these games continue to pass the test of being enjoyed at "Born to Run" volume levels in the NBC viewing room of course.

When the 2013 season kicks off, the Browns want to have the braintrust (Banner, the coach and the GM) in place for several years. Haslam believes in the stability of the Pittsburgh model ...

Doesn't every franchise and owner believe in the stability of the Pittsburgh model? Is there an owner out there (cue Daniel Snyder joke) who says, "I love instability. I believe in the instability model of the Oakland Raiders"? I doubt it. Owners love stability and will always want the Steelers' model. It almost goes without saying at this point.

Fine Fifteen

1. Houston (6-1). Amazing, just amazing, to see J.J. Watt continue to make game-changing plays, like the first-half tipped pass resulting in the Johnathan Joseph interception returned for a touchdown. That's the fourth time this year Watt has tipped a ball that's resulted in an interception

And in no way is there any bit of luck involved with this statistic. Watt is so damn good he manages to tip the ball to one of his teammates, almost like a shot-blocker tips a blocked shot to a teammate. Peter's man-crush on Watt continues.

2. Atlanta (6-0). Average yards after the catch through six weeks: 36-year-old Tony Gonzalez 3.23, Reggie Wayne 3.07, A.J. Green 2.98, Roddy White 2.70, Brandon Lloyd 2.29, DeSean Jackson 2.21.

A person would be better off putting Peter's 15 best teams in a hat and drawing them out at random to determine their placement in his Fine Fifteen. Atlanta didn't even play this past weekend and they dropped a spot in Peter's power rankings. Apparently Houston beating Baltimore was just that impressive to Peter. I'm not disagreeing with Peter, just not enjoying how he seems sort of fickle with his rankings. If Atlanta is #1 going into the bye week, why aren't they #1 coming out of the bye week?

4. Chicago (4-1). It's been 15 days since the Bears played (bye, then a Monday nighter), so you're forgiven if you forgot how well Chicago was playing entering the off-week. Average margin of victory in a three-game winning streak: 23.6 points.

Great. My disaster of a team, Carolina, has the Bears next. Just for some perspective, Carolina will have played three of Peter's top four teams after this weekend. Things are terrible, but Carolina is playing some good competition as well.

8. New England (4-3). I don't like putting them two spots ahead of Seattle and one spot ahead of Baltimore -- 

And it isn't like Peter has full control of these power rankings either. These rankings write themselves people! There's no turning back once the random team names are being drawn out of a hat.

9. Baltimore (5-2). Stunningly bad performance by a good team. I understand the injuries, of course, but I don't get it, honestly.

So Peter gets it, but he doesn't get it. I'm not sure I get it.

11. Washington (3-4). Odd to have a losing team No. 11, but Robert Griffin III makes all things possible.

It sure sounds like the media is setting up Robert Griffin for a major fall. What kind of shit sportswriting is this?

"Robert Griffin makes all things possible..." 

Could this writing be more hyperbolic?

12. New Orleans (2-4). Odd to have a losing team No. 12, but who out there is going to stop Drew Brees and that passing game?

You mean other than the two 1-5 teams that have beaten them and the other two teams that have beaten the Saints this year? Other than those four teams, no one can stop the Saints.

Apparently it is "Write in meaningless cliches Week" for MMQB.

15. Pittsburgh (3-3). So the Steelers, six games in, are 1.5 games behind Baltimore with both games left against the Ravens (two weeks apart, Nov. 18 and Dec. 2), and are back in the AFC North race. But the NFL's Bono comes to town Sunday -- Robert Griffin III at Steelers, at 1 p.m. ET --

"The NFL's Bono?" Robert Griffin isn't nearly as douche-like as Bono is, though he does seem to have the same mass appeal to 50+ year old white men that Bono has.

So far in this MMQB Peter has referred to Robert Griffin as a Jesus-like figure and Bono. Maybe he needs to step back a little bit with the Griffin comparisons.

Goat of the Week

Joe Flacco, QB, Baltimore. You can be a goat and not blow the game at the end. And that's what Flacco was in Houston, with his abysmal play helping pave the wave for a 26-3 Houston halftime lead. Numbers at the half: 7 of 20, 50 yards, two interceptions ... for a passer rating of 4.2. Goat material.

Joe Flacco reads this and agrees. He thinks he's the goat too...the Greatest of All-Time that is. Vote Joe Flacco for Elite Quarterback!

Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week

I moved from Boston to Manhattan last fall. Last Wednesday, I had a noon appointment with my dermatologist, Dr. Suzanne Grevelink, in Boston. 

That's great. I had a very productive bowel movement early last week and this week I have a dentist appointment. Mark your calendar accordingly.

I got on a subway in Manhattan for Penn Station at 7:25 a.m. Departed New York on the Acela at 8:03 a.m. Arrived Boston Back Bay Station at 11:40 a.m. Got into cab. Arrived at derm office at 11:55 a.m. Taken into exam room at 12:07 p.m. Examined and had slight procedure done. Finished at 12:55 p.m. Got into cab. Arrived Boston South Station at 1:10 p.m. Got on 1:15 p.m. back to New York. Arrived at 4:55 p.m. Got on subway at Penn Station. Arrived home at 5:25 p.m.

In Boston: 95 minutes. With doctor: 48 minutes. Interviews by cell while in transit: four. Peace of mind: the next four months, sort of.

Somewhere there is a person on the Acela complaining on his personal blog about this jerk who insisted on talking loudly on the phone while taking notes on a piece of paper and taking up two seats the entire train ride to Boston.

"Brandon LaFell: 'If we keep playing like this, we're not gonna make the playoffs.' *cue Jim Mora clip''

-- @billvoth, freelance TV guy reporting from Carolina after the Panthers, and wide receiver LaFell, fell to the Cowboys ... and to 1-5.

I think it either (a) shows how LaFell and his team still believe they can win games or (b) LaFell's LSU education didn't give him the appropriate math skills to determine that ship has sailed and he's just standing on the shore with the rest of his teammates in denial that the ship won't come back for them.

 "Today's locker room laugh from practice was hearing how Paul Ryan looked Colt McCoy dead in the eye & said "great job at Oklahoma State' ''

-- @scottfujita99, the Cleveland linebacker, after Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan got Colt McCoy mixed up with the real McCoy, Browns starter and Oklahoma State product Brandon Weeden, on Wednesday while on a visit to the Browns practice facility.

This story has been repeated a lot over the last week. Yeah, it's a funny story for a day or so, but I don't give a shit if Paul Ryan knows who Brandon Weeden is or not. I care if he is a suitable Vice-Presidential candidate or not. What does it prove, other than to get a chuckle, about Ryan being able to help run the United States? This is a microcosm of what I hate about politics and people who give their opinion (whether Peter knows it or not he is giving an opinion here) about politics. It's not that interesting of a story and the fact Barack Obama can fill out an NCAA Tournament bracket and pick UNC to win every year doesn't mean he is a good President or isn't a good President. This is a good story, but not notable a few days after it has occurred. Unfortunately, things like this become relevant and interesting in an election year.

1. I think this is what I liked about Week 7:

f. Two touchdown runs, Andrew Luck? Who are you trying to be, RGIII?

Or are you trying to be the guy who holds the NFL record for most rushing touchdowns by a quarterback? I can't remember his name right now, but I know he is a selfish piece of shit that apparently doesn't deserve to be referred to when discussing NFL quarterbacks who ran for a lot of touchdowns.

h. Catch of the day, and I don't mean fish:

I thought you meant fish! How clever!

k. How clutch is Eli Manning?

According to my clutchiness rating he is a 96 on a scale of 1-100. Apparently Robert Griffin makes all things possible, other than making it possible for the Redskins defense to stop the opposing team. I guess he only has time to make things all possible on offense.

2. I think this is what I didn't like about Week 7:

h. And Carson Palmer, if you're going to make a dumb left-handed throw, study Brett Favre first, please.

And if you do need to study Brett Favre, then Peter King has 19 DVD's full of Favre's career highlights. Though the cases of a few of them are stuck together...you know, let Peter clean them off and he will just ship them to you.

n. Stephen Hill's big late drop in New England. Can't build trust with your quarterback playing like that.

Yes, but Sanchez also missed Hill when he was open and could have gotten a touchdown. Ex-backup quarterback punt protector Jets would have instilled trust in Hill without even having met him before in his life. With ex-back up quarterback punt protector Jets, all things are possible...except for completions, those aren't so possible a good portion of the time.

4. I think you should watch for chinks in the Steeler offensive harmony. Ben Roethlisberger has been taking little shots at first-year offensive coordinator Todd Haley, and Friday, he told the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, "Haley's offense is not a big-play offense. It's kind of a dink-and-dunk offense." Asked about wanting more downfield throws, Roethlisberger said: "There's a guy calling the plays. That's on him." There was a gulf between Haley and his quarterback in Kansas City, Matt Cassel, and now there might be some with Roethlisberger.

I"m going to harp for a second. So why is it when Cam Newton says comments about the Panthers offense articles like this one get written, but when Ben Roethlisberger openly calls out his offensive coordinator for the type of offense he runs it isn't a story at all. Cam Newton is a cry-baby, but a lot was made of his comments that I found to be pretty generalized and not offensive towards Carolina's offensive coordinator. Then idiot writers like Jason Cole and Jason Whitlock latch on to this story and run with it to create an even bigger story. Newton just acknowledged Carolina needs to run the ball. I get tired of "sticking up" for Newton. I just want some honesty and writers to not fish for stories in regard to him. Talk about how he hasn't improved in his second season or how he needs a strong running game to win. That's all he was saying anyway and I'm tired of talking about pointless shit in regard to him. Meanwhile, Roethlisberger makes comments that I also don't have a problem with, but seem more inflammatory towards his offensive coordinator and I don't read much about it. Are Newton's comment less true because he doesn't have two Super Bowl rings and isn't winning games? These two quarterbacks are clearly on very different levels, but at what point does the truth become "the truth" rather than blaming others for your performance? Newton is right. The Panthers have personnel to run the ball and they aren't running the ball.

I'm going to answer my own question. It is because Roethlisberger is a proven NFL quarterback and the Steelers are winning games. That seems to be the only difference in my mind. Winning makes everything better. Ben Roethlisberger could call Todd  Haley a Nazi and it wouldn't matter as long as the Steelers keep winning. Roethlisberger and his comments get respect from the media because Roethlisberger has two Super Bowl rings and therefore his comments are more true in the minds of the media. Roethlisberger speaks the truth, while Newton plays the blame game.

10. I think these are my non-NFL thoughts of the week.

a. I may be the last person on earth still to have an AOL email address, I guess I'm just too lazy to change. Now I have a good reason to change. On AOL's front page the other day, the page with news and social and sports commentary, there was a picture of Kim Kardashian, with the news that she was caught going "commando,'' which, and you don't need to use Urban Dictionary for this, means she was photographed with no underwear. Of course you could click the link and go find out more about this important story. So I'm a prude. Do I need to see a headline about some celebrity's underwear displayed prominently on the front page of a supposedly respectable internet company? Aren't there idiot websites for that? Shame on you, AOL.

I'm sorry, AOL can't hear you right now. They are deep under the huge pile of money they make every quarter.

e. From those who enjoy calling someone who has lost four parents and parents-in-law to cancer (me), pro-cancer, it's a free country.

f. My point in questioning those who continue to support Lance Armstrong and the cancer-cure charity, Livestrong, that arose out of the Lance Armstrong Foundation, was not to criticize anyone for giving money to try to help eradicate cancer. It was this, very simply: When I contribute money to a cause, I want to know where it's going, and I want to respect the people and or the cause.

The problem is nobody every really knows when they contribute money to a cause exactly what kind of people run the organization and what kind of people are going to benefit from the money given. It's silly to question those who support Livestrong because it is impossible to "know" any organization that receives money for cancer research. It's just a faulty principle to only donate money to a cause you respect based on your own perceived knowledge of that organization.

If you donate money, it should be to a cause that's totally above board.

I think everyone wants to do this. I think it is fine to hold this opinion, but it is not fine to question those who support Lance Armstrong. For Peter, it is a little bit of hypocrisy. I thought it was wrong for Peter King to solicit money from his readers in the form of an auction to help Dr. Z get expensive rehabilitation after his strokes a few years ago. Does that make me a bad person? No, because if someone wants to give money to that cause that is their choice. I thought it was dumb for Peter, who makes more than 99% audience to ask for donations from said audience for a risky, expensive procedure for one of his friends when an average, normal person who had a stroke has less ability to pay for this same risky, expensive procedure. I didn't question anyone who contributed money because that's their choice.

I have found it funny that Peter questions those who contribute money to Livestrong, but felt great soliciting funds from his readers to pay for an expensive, non-medically necessary risky procedure for one of Peter's good friends. A few years ago Peter and other NFL-related figures held auctions for lunches, etc to help pay for a medical treatment that would help Dr. Z write again. I love and respect Dr. Z, but this seemed ridiculous to me. This procedure didn't seem to be medically necessary and rather than some reader pay $3000 for lunch with Tedy Bruschi, why didn't Tedy Bruschi just give $3000 to the cause? If anyone should have ability to pay for an expensive procedure or help someone pay for a procedure like this, then it would be a sportswriter who works for Sports Illustrated and his friends in the media. This is especially true considering Peter works with NBC Sports, where there are plenty of people who earn more money than Peter's MMQB audience does. So it strikes me as odd that Peter questions those who still contribute to Livestrong in any way. I think those who bid on these Dr. Z auction items are great people. The auction eventually raised about $150,000 and I have no idea if the procedure worked or not. That money could have gone somewhere else to another person who required an actual life-saving procedure, and while it is fine to give money for this cause, I feel like it is ironic Peter is questioning people who donate to Livestrong.

h. For those who say, I don't care how they raise the money, it's sorely needed, I say: I'm glad people felt so passionate about cancer research and causes that they contributed more than a dollar for every man, woman and child in the country toward it. I just believe that if you ask complete strangers for money for anything, you should be honest in doing so.

Really? How did the expensive, experimental treatment for Dr. Z work out? I read MMQB every week and haven't gotten an update. Peter updates us on Dr. Z in this MMQB and he doesn't seem to be improving very much, so where did that money for the expensive, non-medically necessary procedure go? Maybe Peter can't hear me way up high on that pedestal.

The Adieu Haiku

Love football? Me too.
Learned one thing in Week 7:
RGIII's something.

J.J. Watt. Not Favre.
RGIII is not a God.
Please write no cliche.