It's a Double Dose of T.J. Simers Being a Dick

T.J. Simers only exists in order to be a troll and all-around asshole. He has repeatedy taken on the city of Memphis for not being as great as the city of Los Angeles. Who takes on the city of Memphis for anything but negative attention? Simers is most famously known for interviewing professional athletes and asking them the most baiting and emotion-provoking questions possible. He did it to Marcus Thames twice, Matt Treanor once, and even attacked his own colleagues. Don't forget his epic dismissal of the women's World Cup soccer team. He's useless as a human being and it is a travesty that the "Los Angeles Times" supports him by employing him, but that's the world we live in. Simers brings pageviews which brings revenue. Over the past few weeks Simers has taken to asking Josh Hamilton and Mark McGwire annoying questions that are only designed to get a rise out of them. Fortunately (well, unfortunately because I wouldn't mind seeing either of them get in Simers' face) they didn't take the bait. It's the same shit that T.J. Simers always pulls and miraculously no courageous athlete has punched him in the face yet.

I will start with Simers baiting Josh Hamilton and asking him why he smiles so much. 

Uh-oh, we've got another smiler.

This catches on and we won't have any athletes around town who appear as if they give a rip.

Dwight Howard, meet Josh Hamilton.

These two players are exactly alike. There are no differences between them.

"I've had people screaming at me when I'm at the plate, 'Wipe that smile off your face,''' said the Angels bust.

This is journalism, people. Wonderful, wild (shitty) journalism. Josh Hamilton is better known as "the Angels bust." Regardless of whether that is true or not, this isn't a case of T.J. Simers "telling it like it is," but just trying really hard to be a dick and get pageviews. There's no need to write that Hamilton is a bust other than to get a rise out of Hamilton and those who read this column.

Hamilton gets any more relaxed and he really will be an automatic out. He stands casually in the batter's box holding his bat like he's waiting for the next slow-pitch softball to arrive.

Because Simers has nothing if not an athlete's physique so he knows the best way to hit a baseball is to not relax and press really hard to do well. It's just a matter of trying harder of course. That's all.

At least Howard works up a sweat.

There is a difference in baseball and basketball. The sports require different amounts of sweating.

It's never good when the fans seem to care more than the guys competing to win or lose.

The fans always seem to care more than the guys competing to win or lose. This is an absurd point. Fans are sometimes irrational. They are capable of overreacting and seeming to care much more than athletes often care. It's not a sign of anything that the fans care more than the players. Caring more and trying harder doesn't always lead to a player performing at a high level.

"I know the game is based on results and the world wants to see results. But if I can take that out of the equation, play hard and prepare to the best of my abilities, the results are going to be there.''
He's right; it sounds bad.

Hamilton preceded this comment by saying,

"I know this is going to sound bad, and you can spin it whatever way you want,

so at least he knows Simers will spin this quote how he sees fit. This quote does sound bad, but it's not necessarily bad (outside of the fact Hamilton isn't getting the results), but improving in sports or other areas of life is often more about completing the process and allowing the results to come through working hard through the process. Baseball is like sales. You can't win every one, but preparing and taking the right steps to be successful is as much a part of success as anything else. It is a process-oriented way of looking at achievement rather than being focused on the results.

I'll never know. But I do wonder why he's not more thankful. We talked before Wednesday's game and I reminded him how inept he has been in driving the ball out of the park the opposite way. And I suggested he do better.

Unbelievable. This is typical T.J. Simers for you. He's merely a sportswriter and has the balls to tell Josh Hamilton how to hit the baseball. I'm not sure what makes Simers qualified to be a hitting coach, but he probably should be careful about doling out free advice about an athlete's performance or else an athlete could point out the terrible writing job Simers performs several times weekly.

As bad as Josh Hamilton is struggling, he is 100 times better at hitting a baseball than T.J. Simers ever could be. Simers "suggests" that Hamilton does better. It's ridiculous and incredibly infuriating. I wish someone would suggest to Simers that he stop acting like a troll and try not to be an embarrassment to his profession. I don't get how Hamilton didn't punch Simers in the face. It's not like Hamilton isn't aware that he has been inept at driving the ball out of the park the opposite way. There's absolutely no reason to remind him of this unless Simers is trying to bait Hamilton into shedding his new "nice guy" image and getting angry.

An hour or so later he homered, but before Thursday's game he refused to say thank you.

"I'll need to do it again,'' he said, as if he did it himself in the first place.

Clearly he is an athlete who doesn't care enough.

Then he went out and hit another home run, two homers in two days with Page 2's help after having two in the first 31 games.

God, Simers is insufferable. I know he is being tongue-in-cheek in order to get some attention, but it's pathetic to pretend he is responsible for Hamilton homering. It's not true and Simers knows it isn't true. He just wants to get a rise out of everyone.

Also, notice how Hamilton homered and started playing better and Simers still has nothing positive to say about him. When he doesn't homer, he's a bust, but when he does homer, it is simply because Simers has served as Hamilton's personal batting coach. Simers already had part of this column written and certainly wasn't going to change the content to fit reality.

I just found a way to make Hamilton care enough to prove himself after he repeatedly told me, "You cannot push my buttons.''

He sucks right now, but my respect for Josh Hamilton has increased dramatically. He isn't going to play T.J. Simers' games.

"I don't care,'' said Hamilton, and in addition to working on his home run swing, he needs help on how to talk to fans.
 
"I hear it from the stands every night. You have to come to the understanding that people like to bring up your weaknesses and failures and throw them in your face.

Fans certainly don't like to hear a baseball player say he doesn't care, but Hamilton is referring to the fact he doesn't care what his haters have to say about him. Maybe he could pretend to outwardly care more, but that's not his personality.

The Angels signed him to hit baseballs. The facts are sometimes blunt, but most fans probably care more about his swing than his relationship with the Lord.
"I understand,'' Hamilton said. "We're all different. It depends on your starting point, and mine is the Bible.''

Hey remember that time "Forbes" said Josh Hamilton could learn something from Whitney Houston? That was pretty odd, wasn't it?

"Does it mention anywhere in the Bible,'' I asked, "what it takes to hit more home runs?''

I have some sense of self-control, but I would have punched T.J. Simers in the face by now if I were Hamilton. Josh Hamilton has been called inept, a bust, and now Simers is somewhat mocking Hamilton's religion by asking if it says anywhere in the Bible what it takes to hit more home runs. Simers is simply being sarcastic in order to be a dickhead and most quality newspapers would do something to prevent this type of behavior. It turns out the "Los Angeles Times" is condoning this troll-like behavior, so much like the middle-aged child he is, Simers will continue to perform these juvenile antics in a desperate plea to get attention or a reaction.

I would imagine T.J. Simers used to break his mom's dishes intentionally as a child to watch her yell at him. I get the feeling he craved attention even at an early age. If only he didn't have a forum to garner more attention with his sports columns in the present day then the world would be a better place. 

He has what most folks would want in an athlete. He's personable and approachable, offering a pat on the fanny to almost everyone he meets, including sports columnists. He signs autographs before batting practice, after batting practice and Thursday he huddled for prayer with a young man who found lifesaving inspiration in Hamilton's book about his struggles with addiction.

That's all well and good, but he is paid to hit a baseball and Hamilton understands that. He also understands that getting angry with T.J. Simers stupid, baiting questions and trying really, really hard isn't going to make him hit the baseball any better. It's a process, and if he is pressing too hard in his mind or at the plate then he just needs time to snap out of this funk. It sucks for Angels fans, but Hamilton will start to hit the ball better eventually.

But how about living up to expectations as a superstar?

Hamilton does need to do that, but there is a much better column to be written about Hamilton in relation to living up to expectations as a superstar. T.J. Simers isn't capable of real sports journalism, so he isn't capable of writing a better column than this. He's a one-trick pony whose only trick is to take a crap on the most people possible.

Or ignore his insistence on letting everyone know he doesn't care what they think — which lets you know he really does.
 
"It's important to me to do well and that's why I work hard to improve every day,'' he said. "But when the game is over I stop thinking about it.''

If only it was so easy for Angels fans.

What is it with "Los Angeles Times" sports columnists that they write one sentence paragraphs? I feel like there needs to be an investigation into this. 

If talking to T.J. Simers were such good luck that he did have a secret to help a baseball player perform better, and if I were Josh Hamilton, I would forever accept mediocrity and retire immediately. Talking to Simers wouldn't be worth it. The only thing worse than being hated by Angels fans is having to listen to T.J. Simers ask you bullshit, baiting questions in a desperate attempt to get a reaction.

Now Simers, being an equal opportunity asshole, asks Mark McGwire if he should give steroids to the Dodgers hitters. Because a question like that is a real question that a real sportswriter should be asking. Well, it seems T.J. Simers thinks this is a real question that a real sportswriter should be asking.

I had never met Mark McGwire before Tuesday night, but I knew of his reputation and the fact he has struck out so far as the Dodgers' hitting coach.

Sit down, T.J. Let's have a talk about hitting coaches. They generally get too much blame and too much credit depending on how their team is hitting. Why does McGwire suck with the Dodgers when he was good with the Cardinals? It's almost like he isn't the one hitting the baseball and there is another variable (the hitters he is coaching) that needs to be accounted for.

So given the Dodgers' lack of power, I asked, "Is it time to introduce the players to steroids?"

Oh, my gentle Jesus. Wouldn't it be quicker and more efficient just to wear a sign that says, "I need attention"?

McGwire laughed and I wondered why.

Because your question is so absolutely ridiculous and baiting of McGwire it doesn't even deserve a response. That's why he laughed. T.J. Simers is a one-trick pony and a person who has control over his emotions won't get set off by Simers' weak attempts to troll.

"The magic potion is in between the ears," he said. "This game is beautiful, things can change overnight."
 
You win tonight, I told him, and the Dodgers will still be in last place.

So does T.J. believe the Dodgers should just pack it up and quit playing hard for the rest of the year? It's not like the season is 162 games long or anything like that. There's still time to panic!

"It will come," McGwire added. I think he was referring to power rather than some shipment in the mail.

How miserable of a person do you have to be to write in the way that T.J. Simers does? I wonder if it is his hatred for mankind entirely or self-hatred that causes him to write in the way he does?

The Dodgers rank third to last in the major leagues in home runs and RBIs, and yet they have a guy who hit 70 home runs as their hitting instructor.

You would think McGwire could transfer his power-hitting ability to the Dodgers hitters through some sort of "Freaky Friday" type magic, but alas, he can't do this. He probably needs steroids to accomplish this feat.

"It's all about pitch selection," said McGwire, who has apparently changed his mind on what it takes to hit the ball out of the park. 

You still have to select the right pitches to hit a home run, even if you are using steroids. It's hard to hit a home run when you can't make contact with the baseball.

I remember how much fun it was when Sammy Sosa and McGwire were hitting a lot of home runs. I thanked McGwire for providing those thrills and asked if he could still score some steroids.

Break his neck! Leg-sweep him! Burn him with fire! Whatever it takes, let's get rid of T.J. Simers.

I wish McGwire had answered "yes" and then busted out with a needle, held down Simers and injected him with the most powerful steroid on the market. This has to happen. Someone has to call Simers on his bullshit sometime.

"Certainly not," he said. "Can't, and will not. That is just no."
So much then for the Dodgers turning things around.

Reading a T.J. Simers column is like eating horseshit out of a used coffee filter topped with burning cigarettes and washing it down with a glass of cat urine.

The fun is gone in Donnie Baseball.

The last time we spoke he talked about how good he felt about his team after three straight defeats.
 
In his own snippy and uncharacteristic way, he said he still feels good about his team. But how do you feel good about a team that cannot win consistently? I asked.
 
"I like our talent," Mattingly said, while jerking his head from side to side to avoid eye contact. "I like what we can be."

It's hard not to be snippy to a person who asks a loaded question like this. How do you even expect a person to answer a question like "how do you feel good about a team that cannot win consistently?" Mattingly can either sound like a moron by saying he feels great about it or he throws his team under the bus. Obviously the intent of the question was to get Mattingly to throw his team under the bus.

WHEN I began Page 2, I asked the question in my first column: If F.P. Santangelo can enter a room with a sign over the door that reads: "Players Only,"' why can't I?
 
Never one to laugh or hit, a grouchy Santangelo was soon gone.
 
Now he's a broadcaster for the Nationals, much like Steve Lyons for the Dodgers. Much like Lyons.
 
What a great country this is.

Because if a person isn't great at baseball (relatively to other professional baseball players of course) then this lack of skill should translate to other parts of life. It's interesting T.J. Simers mentions taking over Page 2 at the same time he says what a great country it is for ex-baseball players to become announcers. If it wasn't such a great country then T.J. Simers would be writing for a small town newspaper or at least would be responsible for the drivel and trolling content he writes on a weekly basis.

There's not much else to say except T.J. Simers won't ever change. I imagine he is stalking Marcus Thames right now trying to ask him questions about what it is like to be a complete and utter failure. I am sure he will phrase the question exactly that way too. Maybe someday someone can get Simers to come from under his bridge and ask him what it is like to be the biggest piece of shit, trolling sportswriter on the West Coast. If this can't happen, is it wrong that I hope a player at least punches him one day when he asks one of his baiting questions?