Dan Shaughnessy Is Not Taking the Patriots Loss on "Monday Night Football" As Well as He Could

I get the feeling occasionally that Dan Shaughnessy hates the Boston sports teams. Maybe he doesn't hate them, but just likes tweaking the fans of Boston sports teams and selling books based on the fan's collective misery. He's like Bill Simmons in that way...or is it that Bill Simmons is like Dan Shaughnessy in that way? No matter, Dan is not taking the Patriots loss to the Carolina Panthers very well. He thinks (or probably knows) the Patriots got robbed and says Patriots fans feel that way too (interestingly, if you read the comments from this article then you will see a good amount of Patriots fans say New England simply didn't play well to win the game, even with the ball call). So Dan lets off a little steam, references the Red Sox and then takes a few shots at Charlotte and the excitement around the game to make himself feel better about the Patriots losing. Tear others down to build yourself up. It's pretty much Dan's mantra outside of "Troll as hard as you can to get attention."

Walt Coleman never would have let this happen.

The Tuck Rule. Remember it? That's pretty much Dan's point here. Nostalgia in place of quality writing.

The Patriots were beaten by the Carolina Panthers, 24-20, on “Monday Night Football”. And they forever will say they were robbed.

I'm pretty sure the Patriots will let the issue drop at some point and move on from this loss. Dan Shaughnessy may never move on from the loss, because Dan prefers to rekindle the past at every single opportunity.

It was a night that tested our faith, and everything that we know to be true about Patriot Football.

The fact Dan is using the term "Patriot football" but also capitalizing the "F" in football deserves a punch in the face. This is much like "The Cardinal Way" or "Team X Way" deserves a brief amount of physical violence that doesn't permanently injure someone but serves as a reminder to not be such a dumbass.

We know that the Patriots always win (five straight, 10 of 11) on “Monday Night Football.” They always win after a bye week (10 of their last 13). They always win in the second half of the regular season (24-1 the last three years). They always outsmart and outplay the other guys in November.

This can't "always" happen. Considering the Patriots have lost a game on "Monday Night Football," have lost three times after a bye, and lost a regular season game in the second half over the last three years shows this doesn't "always" happen. Hyperbole is fun though.

They always cruise to the division title and a first-round bye and a second-round home game.

I will remember Dan wrote this after Dan writes the inevitable "This isn't the same Brady/Belichick Patriots team" and recalls how the Patriots haven't won a Super Bowl since 2004 if/when the Patriots are eliminated in the playoffs this season. The Patriots are dominant, at least until Dan needs to paint the Patriots as really good, but never good enough, while also indicating Brady and Belichick are past their prime.

They always break the hearts and spirit of pigskin pretenders. They always get the last call of the game (Walt Coleman, tuck rule, January 2002).

I'm not sure if Dan is being sarcastic here or is really serious he expects the Patriots to get the last call of the game. I'll just assume Dan doesn't know if he is being serious or sarcastic either.

And so we waited for that last flag to go New England’s way. Tom Brady had chucked his 40th and final pass into the end zone and it was clear that Luke Kuechly had Rob Gronkowski wrapped up like King Tut and there was a flag on the field and it looked like the Patriots were going to get one more shot at winning the game.

"Wrapped up like King Tut." This is a good chance for me to remind everyone that Dan Shaughnessy has won the Massachusetts Sportswriter of the Year award multiple times. He has written books that sell more than five copies. As I say about sportswriting awards, a sportswriter eventually starts winning awards which validates his writing skill as long as he doesn't die or retire. Stay with it long enough and everyone gets a trophy.

Stand by for Brady to Kenbrell Thompkins for a walkoff TD followed by David Ortiz launching a grand slam into the cop’s station in the right-field bullpen.

There's no such thing as a "walkoff TD" and this is typical Dan Shaughnessy writing for him to make a reference to a Boston sports team while writing about another Boston sports team.

We were left with the sight of Brady screaming at a zebra as they came off the field.

Actually Brady and Ryan Mallett were screaming at an official as the officials immediately ran off the field without the politeness of providing everyone in the stadium the exact reason the flag was picked up. It left the viewers to think the only reason the flag was picked up is "because I said so."

Patriots coach Bill Belichick said he received no explanation as to why the flag was picked up.

“The last time I started asking an official about a call, that was the wrong thing to do, so I have no idea . . . We’ve been down that road before. Didn’t get one tonight. Didn’t get one at the Baltimore game [last season with replacement officials].”

That’s Bill-speak. The rest of us, in Jackie Chiles-speak, were “shocked and chagrined. Mortified and stupefied. Outrageous. A travesty of justice.’’

Oh, a "Seinfeld" reference. I've become convinced if a network showed residents of the Northern-ish part of the United States in the 45-70 age bracket a channel that only had "Seinfeld" re-runs, a newscast involving Matt Lauer, and documentaries about JFK then that network would be the most popular network in the United States. Maybe that's just my experience.

New England hasn’t been this angry about a ruling against the Patriots since the cheesy unsportsmanlike conduct/pushing call in a loss to the Jets Oct. 20. 

Dan always thinks the Patriots are getting screwed over on calls by the officials. That is until Dan has decided the Patriots stink, in which case they don't deserve these calls from the officials because the Patriots team as a whole is bunch of losers with no long-term direction but to continuously make the NFL playoffs, while having the audacity to not win the Super Bowl every year.

Brady was shredding the scared Panthers

Terrified, they were absolutely terrified. I'm surprised they even continued playing defense on the last drive.

“It’s exactly what we hoped for,’’ said Panthers coach Ron Rivera. “We got pressure on the quarterback and our safety was in perfect position to make the play for us.’’

Little known fact: Ron Rivera actually died in early October. He has been replaced by his twin brother Don Rivera, who took over the Panthers team after his brother's death after quitting his job as the manager of a CVS in San Diego. That's the only way I can account for Carolina winning more than six football games this year.

New Englanders begged to differ. This was like losing a World Series game on an obstruction call.

WHICH IS WHAT HAPPENED TO THE RED SOX TOO! EVERY BOSTON TEAM IS SO CURSED!

I like how the Red Sox won the World Series and Dan's main takeaway from the Series is that they lost a World Series game on an obstruction call. Dan probably wants to forget he counted the Red Sox out at the beginning of the season, but I'm sure his readers don't mind continuously reminding him of this article and this article.

Monday night’s game was one of the biggest sporting events in North Carolina since Michael Jordan left Chapel Hill.

Here we go. Dan is sad, so Dan decides to mock the irrelevance of sports in North Carolina. I would say the seven college Division-I NCAA national titles teams from North Carolina have won since 1984 were a big deal in the state as well. Or maybe getting an NFL, NHL, and NBA team (as well as losing an NBA team and then having it replaced with the Bobcats, an NBDL team that has to play NBA teams for some reason) since 1984 was a bigger deal too. In other words, few people cared in 1984 that Michael Jordan left Chapel Hill and making snide comments about the state reeks of sour grapes.

I do appreciate Dan's "we've been there a lot before so we don't get excited about 'Monday Night Football' home games anymore" attitude, but I have a feeling it's simply not true.

You would have thought the Panthers were a first-year franchise, all doe-eyed about this visit from the big, bad Patriots.

It was a home game on national television where the Panthers were 6-3 playing against a 7-2 Patriots team. It was a big game anyway, but the game being on national television gave it more relevance and importance. Carolina has been one of the worst, if not the worst, team in the NFL over the past 4-5 years so there's a little bit of excitement when the team is relevant again. I'm sure no one in New England gets excited about important games because they play those important games all the time and stuff (brushes shoulders off).

Carolina players, coaches, and fans were pumped and jacked.

So Patriots fans were not excited? Got it. The approximately 20% of the fans at Bank of America Stadium on that Monday night say differently.

It was Yahoo Squared

I don't get this. I don't know what Yahoo Squared is. I think Dan is just jealous that while he was attending the game on that Monday night he saw several Southern women whose perm looks better than his does.

It was hard not to think of the 2012 Houston Texans Frauds who came to Foxborough wearing letter sweaters with an 11-1 record.

Well, except the Panthers weren't 11-1, they were playing in Charlotte not Foxborough, and Carolina ended up winning the game. Other than that, it was the exact same thing.

Charlotte hadn’t hosted a Monday night game in five seasons.

Because the Panthers team was terrible, hence the excitement about having a team with a winning record playing on national television against another team with a winning record. Carolina had a 23-41 record since the 2008 season coming into the 2013 season. It's hard to get a home Monday night game when your team is terrible. When the team starts winning games again, it becomes a big deal.

The game was front-page news in the Charlotte Observer

The local newspaper covered the football game that will bring thousands of dollars in revenue to the city on the front page. Who does that? Inconceivable.

Dan is really trying hard to criticize the Charlotte area for being excited the Panthers were on "Monday Night Football" as if the Patriots are just so over playing big games, due to it being a way of life for them and all. The Patriots fans who bought tickets to the game seemed pretty excited to be attending a "Monday Night Football" game, but I'm sure these aren't "real" Patriots fans in Dan's opinion.

This was billed as a “return to relevance.’’

This was a reference to Don Rivera stating he wanted the Panthers team to become relevant and then stay as relevant. Really, the team had been irrelevant for a little bit of time. This isn't a headline that is being overjoyed, but referenced the team actually mattered for another week on the biggest stage provided to a team in the regular season. 

and the cover of the sports section featured an ESPN camera with a big headline asking, “Ready For Prime Time?’’

It was a big game for the Panthers because it coincided with the team performing well again. A lot of cities get excited about a big football game.

The Panthers wore black jerseys and urged fans to dress in Johnny Cash casual.

Except they didn't call it Johnny Cash casual because not everyone in the South listens to country music and worships Johnny Cash. The fans were urged to wear black jerseys because the Panthers were wearing black jerseys.

Most complied.

Miami Heat and Oklahoma City Thunder fans think the Carolina Panther fans are such lemmings for following directions mindlessly.

Back from a three-game layoff (hip injury) Talib was burned on a 42-yard over-the-top pass and objected to Smith’s hot-dogging after the catch.

Yeah, Smith kind of hot-dogs after a catch. It's his thing. That's just how he gets pumped up and gets the crowd pumped up. Since Smith has done it every single game over the past few years I would sort of expect Talib to expect it and adjust accordingly.

When Smith made a subsequent 5-yard catch on the same touchdown drive, Talib grabbed Smith by the leg and refused to let go after the whistle. Talib looked a little like Jeff Van Gundy holding on to Alonzo Mourning.

What? There's no reference to a Boston team here. There's a reference to a Knicks-Heat game. Surely this is a misprint.

After the Patriots tied it at 10 early in the third, Newton submitted a highlight-reel run for the ages, eluding six tacklers and scrambling for a 14-yard gain. ESPN-Info calculated that Newton actually ran 75 yards for the 14-yard gain. You will see this one a lot in the days, weeks, and years to come.

What a great description. I'm shocked Dan Shaughnessy hasn't gotten a job as a play-by-play guy as of yet. It's so crystal clear I can almost feel like I am there. Besides write well, make accurate predictions related to his job and not be an asshole, is there anything that Dan can't do?

“We left too much time on the clock,” said Newton. “With Tom Brady, I’ve seen that story before. I’ve read that book before.” 

Unfortunately Newton has seen that story before by leaving too much time on the clock for Josh Freeman, E.J. Manuel, Matt Ryan, Tony Romo, and quite possibly every other NFL quarterback who had the ball on a final drive in the fourth quarter against Carolina over the past 2-3 years. So the idea that Tom Brady was going to lead a comeback was pretty much a given.

Going for his 39th career comeback win, Brady came back and threw 12 passes in less than a minute. The last one was picked, while Gronk was held.

I don't know if that pass would have been complete if Gronk wasn't held. Robert Lester was right there, but if Gronk had come back to the ball he would have had a play on it. I guess we'll never know.

“We are relevant,’’ said Rivera.

“We were robbed,’’ said the Patriots.

The Patriots had other opportunities to win this game. They kicked a field goal late in the game when they perhaps should have gone for it on fourth down and the Patriots fumbled in the red zone. I agree there should have been a penalty on that last play. Who knows if Brady was given another shot to score a touchdown from the 13-yard line? Either way, perhaps I'm being too sensitive, but I feel like Dan is doing his best to take passive-aggressive shots at the opposing team and their fans. That's typical Dan though. He has to rip someone and if he can't rip the Patriots then he takes his aim at other teams in order to troll their fan base.