Now That the "Peyton Paradox" Is Shown as Not a Thing, Gregg Reminds Us Again the Read-Option Is Dead

I have been eagerly waiting for Gregg's reaction to Peyton Manning and the Broncos defeating the Kansas City Chiefs this past weekend. I wanted to read Gregg's reaction since Manning didn't come up short in a big game this past weekend. Not shockingly, Gregg doesn't mention his half-assed "Peyton Paradox" theory that he half-assed created just a few weeks ago because he's a half-ass writer. He talks about the Chiefs-Broncos game that the Broncos won, but decides to neglect mentioning that a month ago he discussed why Peyton Manning has trouble winning big games. When he's wrong, Gregg doesn't want us to know, but when he is right, he feels the need to tell us all about it. This week in TMQ, the column is a little bit shorter. This would be good news if Gregg decided to get rid of the useless non-NFL bullshit, but he seemingly keeps the same amount of non-NFL bullshit and decides to skimp on his commentary from the Week 11 games. I should probably be glad about this. At a certain point, Gregg will just quickly mention the NFL games that were played, criticize a few head coaches for their tactics/strategies, and get back to what he really wants to write about, which is how unrealistic television is and discussing political news.

It's the Parking Lot Theory of Officiating.

No, it's not. You just made that up.

When a call (or a no-call) on the last play decides the game, officials want to be sure they can get out of the parking lot. That means the call (or no-call) will go the home team's way.

Well, originally the call went against the home team. So the call went against the home team and then maybe the Parking Lot Theory of Officiating kicked in and the officials reversed the call. The knee-jerk call went against the home team originally though.

New England at Carolina, the home Panthers were flagged for pass interference as the clock expired, then the flag was picked up. That much was correct, because Rob Gronkowski, who was grabbed, could not have made the catch -- and the officiating standard is, if there is doubt about whether it was interference, then it was not interference.

Is that the standard though? The officials threw a flag, so there was clearly not doubt originally about whether it was interference or not. 

But defensive holding should have been called, which would have given the Patriots the ball on the Cats' 13, an untimed down and one more try. Probably Carolina still would have prevailed, the game ending without controversy. But maybe the Patriots would have won, leaving the crowd enraged at the officials.

"Probably" Carolina still would have won the game if there was an untimed down, though it is entirely possible the Patriots could have won the game as well. One of these two things could have happened. This is analysis brought to you by Gregg Easterbrook.

Last year's Fail Mary conclusion of the Packers at Seahawks game was a botched call that favored the home crowd. When officials mistakenly awarded victory to the Jets with a few seconds to play a 1998 contest against Seattle, the call favored the home crowd. That same year, officials mistakenly awarded victory to the Patriots on the final ticks of the clock against Buffalo, and the call favored the home crowd. When officials botched the final call of the 2003 Giants at Niners playoff game, the decision favored the home crowd.

So what's the lesson to be learned from this? If the game is going to be decided by one play, make sure in advance that one play takes place on your homefield?

There have of course been cases where zebras ruled against the home crowd in the final seconds, and every official knows what happens -- the crowd goes bonkers, as it did at the 2001 Cleveland Browns rain-of-beer-bottles game. Add that since the 1998 botched call in Buffalo at New England, officials have felt they should not throw flags in Hail Mary situations unless there is absolutely no choice.

So it appears that Gregg's point is close calls favor the home team unless the close call favors the visiting team. I'm glad we discussed this topic.

Most NFL officials start as high school or small-college officials, circumstances in which you walk through the hostile crowd in zebra stripes to get to your car after the game. At the NFL level, there is security, shuttle buses, locker rooms to change to street clothes. But the psychology remains -- when a ruling decides the game, officials lean in favor of the home crowd.

I'm not sure this is a conscious decision or not, but it seems that Gregg has shown us that NFL officials will either rule in favor of the home team or the visiting team on close calls that could decide a game.

The Cats held the high-scoring Patriots to 20 points in a decent defensive performance -- though they did allow them to move 62 yards in 59 seconds at the end. Carolina's linebacker-focused Tampa 2 defense emphasizes discipline, not gimmicks.

This is hilarious and shows how little football (or possibly Carolina Panthers games) Gregg Easterbrook watches. Carolina doesn't run the Tampa-2 defense predominantly. Jon Gruden mentioned Carolina was running Tampa-2 Monday night during the game, but that's only because Carolina was playing their safeties back at that point in the game. For most of the game the Panthers were loading the box and daring the Patriots receivers to beat them. Carolina also plays a lot of Cover-1 with a deep safety and (like most teams) will run 3-4 and 4-3 principles. The defensive coordinator for Carolina is Sean McDermott, who is a Jim Johnson disciple, and Jim Johnson had an attacking defense that certainly wasn't Tampa-2. But due to the fact Gregg doesn't watch much football, yet he writes about it every week in TMQ, he heard Jon Gruden mention Carolina was running Tampa-2 coverage and like a game of Telephone he tells us that is the defense Carolina runs predominantly.

The Cats got the touchdown they needed to win -- though they struggled offensively against a New England defense with multiple starters injured.

The Panthers had seven drives during the game for a total of 300 yards. They went punt, touchdown, field goal, end of half, touchdown, punt, touchdown. So they had four scoring drives and two punts during the game. I'm not sure I would consider that struggling offensively, but whatever.

As for the Patriots, now they are angry. You won't like them when they are angry.

They were angry after Spygate as well and that lead to an 18-1 season where Gregg Easterbrook claimed the Patriots lost the Super Bowl because they had pissed off the football gods by cheating. I guess Gregg thinks the Patriots have a right to be angry this time, so the football gods won't smite them. No word from Gregg on whether the football gods care whether the Saints put a bounty on opposing players and will punish the Saints this season for doing so. I'm guessing Gregg won't vocalize this theory until the Saints lose an important game.

In other football news, the Atlanta Falcons and San Francisco 49ers, who met for the last NFC championship, are a combined 9-14 since kickoff of that contest. The Falcons' season is over, and the Niners are taking on water:

The 49ers are currently the 6th seed in the NFC Playoff picture. If that's "taking on water" then there are ten other teams in the NFC who would like to take on water also. So while Gregg, as usual, is eager to mislead his readers the 49ers are still on schedule to make the playoffs.

San Francisco is 6-4, with a struggling offense held to less than 200 yards by the New Orleans Saints. Colin Kaepernick looks dazed and confused -- the zone-read play-fakes that gave him uncovered receivers last season are not getting the job done this season.

As I predicted in MMQB Review this week Gregg Easterbrook is very excited to point out how the zone-read is not working for the 49ers. When Gregg is right about something, we get to hear about it. When he's wrong about something, like the "Peyton Paradox," well that just gets swept by the wayside until the Broncos lose another game.

Perhaps TMQ needs to declare a new football immutable law: Whenever the quarterback poses wearing less than the cheerleaders on their bikini calendar, woe onto that team.

And of course no conversation related to Colin Kaepernick would be complete without a mention of how he posed nude for ESPN the Magazine. Gregg almost has as much of an obsession with Colin Kaepernick having posed nude as he does with pointing out how the read-option isn't working anymore for the 49ers.

The Saints don't lack for bravado. Trailing in the third quarter, New Orleans went for it on fourth-and-4: the try failed, but only stoked the home team's determination.

Gregg is a psychic so he knows this play stoked the Saints determination.

Trailing in the fourth quarter, New Orleans threw deep on third-and-1, for a 26-yard gain.

If this play had not worked then Gregg would have criticized the Saints for throwing deep when they only needed one yard. He would have quoted the Saints yards per carry average during the game to show they could have picked up the first down running the football, then said all the Saints had to do was "do a little dance" and get the first down. Since the play worked, Gregg has no criticism for it. Gregg is way too outcome based with his criticism.

Head coach Sean Payton called timeout at 2:11, before a Saints' field goal attempt, though the clock would have stopped at the two minute warning. He seemed to want as many ticks as possible on the scoreboard to keep his players, and the home crowd, convinced a comeback could happen. The New Orleans winning play began with three seconds showing.

Of course the Saints let the clock tick down to three seconds and it isn't like the Saints were hustling to get the clock stopped at three seconds. These are just small details of course. Details that Gregg doesn't care to share because it would undermine his point that Sean Payton calling timeout with 2:11 left was the key to the Saints winning the game. Gregg loves to mislead his audience, which is just a polite way of saying he lies or at the least withholds the truth.

This season the Saints are third on defense. Rob Ryan to the Saints may have been an even more important offseason move than Alex Smith to the Chiefs.

And yet, Gregg would criticize Rob Ryan last year for his blitz-happy defense. It's funny how now that Ryan is having success Gregg doesn't have as much criticism for Ryan's defensive philosophies.

How would you feel if your team led 70-49 with four minutes remaining, and lost? I'm not talking about your basketball team -- I'm talking about your football team. See below.

How would you feel if I said I don't care to see below?

Stats of the Week No. 9: Geno Smith finished with a 10.1 passer rating. If every attempt hits the ground incomplete, under the NFL formula a quarterback receives a 39.6 passer rating.

Then maybe Geno Smith should not have tried to throw the football to a receiver and instead should have just thrown every pass into the ground.

Later the Bengals again rushed seven, blocking a punt and returning it for a touchdown. On that play, high first-round draft choice Barkevious Mingo simply brushed his man and started up the field to cover the punt, assuming there would be no rush; instead Mingo's man blocked the kick. The scoop-and-score was by Tony Dye, who was called up from the practice squad shortly before the contest. Who-dat scores while first-round draft choice is flummoxed. Sweet.

Gregg will always take the time to point out when an undrafted player does well as compared to a highly-drafted player. Naturally, when Gregg earlier in this TMQ wrote,

Stats of the Week No. 7: At the half versus Cleveland, the Cincinnati Bengals had more touchdowns (four) than first downs (three).

He failed to mention that second round pick Andy Dalton threw for two of these touchdowns and the passes went to a first and third round pick respectively. Gregg also fails to mention the Browns scored a touchdown when highly-drafted glory boy first round pick Joe Haden picked off an Andy Dalton pass and ran it back for a touchdown. Gregg won't mention a player's draft position when a highly-drafted player does something positive, but damn if he won't mention when a player does something positive and that player is undrafted.

Nobody wins all the time, but Kansas City seemed troubled in bowing out as the last undefeated of 2013. The Chiefs have just three offensive touchdowns in their past 10 quarters. Appearing in prime time, many Kansas City players seemed more concerned with preening than performing.

The Chiefs lost a football game! Quick, change the narratives around! A team that once emphasized great defense and taking care of the football is now a team that can't score points and is more concerned with preening than playing well. It would be funny if these narratives weren't changed out of pure laziness on the part of the writers who change these narratives around.

When the Broncos needed a yard for a touchdown, there were not one, not two but three shifts to distract the defense: touchdown. When the Chiefs needed a yard for a touchdown, there was no misdirection, just a straight-ahead power rush, stuffed.

Excellent anecdotal evidence. If only the Chiefs had "done a little dance" to get a yard then they would have won the game. I'm sure Gregg wrote "game over" in his notebook after the Chiefs were stuffed on the one yard they needed for the touchdown.

Kansas City did play an aggressive defensive scheme -- many eight- or even nine-man fronts, with Cover 1 (lone high safety) and man-to-man press corners. Defensive coordinators watching on the tube must have wondered if this would prove the scheme to stop Peyton Manning.

Yes, I'm sure defensive coordinators everywhere were slapping their forehead saying, "So THAT is how you stop Peyton Manning? We have tried everything but that to stop Manning since 1998 and nothing else worked."

Sweet 'n' sour bonus: Leading 27-23 at the start of the fourth quarter, Detroit lined up for a field goal attempt from the Pittsburgh 10. The call was a fake, resulting in a lost fumble. TMQ thinks NFL coaches should call fakes more often. In this case the fake was attempted in strong rain; holder Sam Martin slipped, then fumbled. Martin has now carried the ball twice in 2013, fumbling both times.

Normally Gregg would tell us that "fortune favors the bold" and Jim Schwartz was inspiring his team by telling them he was playing to win the game, but since the outcome wasn't positive then Gregg glosses over his usual explanations for why a team that went for it on fourth down or tried a fake field goal/punt lost the game.

So basically if the Lions had just gone for the field goal here, which would be the not bold move that doesn't tell Schwartz's team he is trying to win the game, then the game would have potentially gone into overtime. Fortune favors the bold, unless it doesn't.

TMQ lampoons psychics who get into legal troubles they don't see coming. The latest example is Sylvia Mitchell, a New York City fortuneteller just sentenced to five to 15 years for grand larceny. Mitchell catered to a high-end Manhattan clientele. The jury found that she stole from her marks by asking fees for psychic revelations -- in effect, charging for a product she did not deliver.

Suppose the theory of the Mitchell conviction is correct -- that accepting fees for promises of supernatural interaction constitutes grand larceny. Wouldn't every church, mosque and synagogue be subject to a police raid?

Well, not necessarily. I am betting Mitchell would not read a person's fortune if he/she didn't pay her money. This is as opposed to a person being able to attend a church, mosque, or synagogue without having to pay for money for supernatural interaction. It's a pretty basic difference in requiring money for supernatural interaction and donating money for a supernatural interaction. In one case, the money is a requirement and in the other case the money is completely optional. The police can't raid a church simply because someone chose to donate money to that church.

The minister says that attending church and making donations is good for my soul. Maybe he's right. I choose of my own free will to believe he is. Or maybe all clergy are con artists. Should they go to prison for accepting money in return for vague intimations about an unverifiable spiritual plane?

No, they should not. The psychic is selling a person's fortune as a product, while a church isn't selling any type of product, but is a place where people can choose to go to worship as they wish to. A church doesn't sell spiritual guidance or spiritual forgiveness. They offer this guidance and forgiveness to the attendee and the attendee decides whether he/she wants to contribute to the church in the form of an offering.

While Gerald Ford, who was never elected to national office, has his name on a supercarrier, Franklin Roosevelt, elected four times and who led the country during the world's worst war, has his name on only a destroyer. 

My God, how do Roosevelt's relative sleep in peace with this huge slap in the face always hovering over them? (let's pretend a slap in the face can hover)

Lyndon Johnson, who brought about passage of the Civil Rights Act, Voting Rights Act, and the creation of Medicare and Medicaid, and who was winner of a landslide national election, will have his name on a new type of destroyer that's under construction at Bath Iron Works -- an important ship, but nowhere as important as the supercarrier that bears the name of the unelected partial-term Ford.

This would be interesting to read if I didn't know this was a blatant attempt to kill space in TMQ so that it wouldn't look like Gregg lacked material for this week's column.

Republican secretaries of the Navy chose Ford and Bush over Clinton, who won more presidential elections than Ford and Bush combined.

(falls asleep while reading)

Action shows fundamentally are preposterous: "The Blacklist" pushes the envelope. In just the first few episodes, a dozen FBI agents are killed in several machine-gun battles in Washington, D.C.;

It seems that Gregg has found a new television show to criticize for a lack of realism. Because one would expect a television show about a criminal mastermind who intentionally turns himself over to the FBI to be a very realistic show. As always, Gregg takes the time to criticize this show for lacking realism, but he doesn't dislike the show enough to stop watching it.

100 people are killed with biological weapons in Washington's subway system and in a federal courthouse; a cargo plane explodes above Washington and a commercial airliner is blown up at Reagan National Airport. That's just the first few episodes!

(sighs deeply) It's a television show created for entertainment purposes only. "The Blacklist" is not supposed to be realistic.

A bad guy gets on a subway train said to be pulling into DuPont Circle, an actual subway stop in Washington. The subway announcer voice is saying, "Connect to the Yellow Line at Farragut North." The Farragut North station does not meet that line. The sign on the train lists its destination as Shady Green. The actual destination is Shady Grove.

How does NBC get away with a show that blatantly gets facts wrong, like claiming the subway stops at a station that doesn't exist and calling "Shady Grove" "Shady Green"? 

You can clearly see we are at the non-football related section of TMQ. I can't imagine there is anyone who reads TMQ that looks forward to the portions where Gregg micro-criticizes a television show for lacking accuracy.

In the first "Star Trek" remake, in "Superman Returns," in "Unforgettable" and other movies and shows, pieces of aircraft or spacecraft fall straight down. They would fall is a broad parabolic arc.

But would they edit their column about football to where there isn't a misprint in that last sentence?

Several plots hinge on the FBI finding a criminal mastermind by tracing a credit card. A glamorous woman described as the world's most dangerous international assassin is cornered after she uses her credit card to order a drink in a hotel bar. Wouldn't the world's most dangerous international assassin buy her Cosmopolitan with unmarked euros?

No Gregg, she would not. She would most likely write a check for her drink or use a money order to purchase a drink at the bar.

Charles Youvella, 1996-2013:

Listen to an Arizona local newscaster reporting on the awful death. The newscaster and people he interviews focus on how hard Youvella was trying to win the game when he was fatally injured -- as if this meant anything at all, let alone is relevant compared to a young person's life.

I don't think the newscaster was trying to do anything but show that Youvella was dedicated to playing football well and was describing what Youvella was doing when he was fatally injured. Compared to a young person's life there isn't anything that seems as relevant, so rather than sit in silence after reporting the story, the newscaster spoke a bit about how Youvella was dedicated to winning the football game.

They reach for silver-lining comments that come out sounding ludicrous: People gave the boy's family gift cards!

They are only reporting that the community cared about the family and were showing sympathy. I don't think this is a silver-lining comment where it's like, "sure your son may be dead, but here's a $40 gift card to Carrabba's."

Of course when a person dies young, it is hard to think of anything to say. But broadcasters, writers and fans need a vocabulary in which to face that harm caused by football, and to express that sports glory is meaningless if harm is done.

Because the perfect time to comment on how football is so dangerous is during the reporting of Youvella's life and how his family was holding up after his death. Commentary about the dangers of football fits in perfectly with this type of news report.

Philadelphia has rebounded to lead the NFC East, but has no victory over a team with a winning record. Down the stretch, the Eagles don't face any elite teams.

They do play the 6-4 Chicago Bears, who are going to get Jay Cutler back at some point in the near future (hopefully), plus they still have to play the Cowboys. The Eagles don't face an elite team, but they also aren't an elite team themselves.

In 2012, the Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons opened 3-6, then went won out and made the postseason...When they fell behind 24-0 at Philadelphia then rallied to make it 24-16 with the ball on the Eagles' 18 in the final minute, the faithful were dancing. RG III dropped back -- and with five linemen to block three pass rushers, was almost immediately under pressure. R*dsk*ns out of time outs, Griffin had to avoid being sacked. 

It's easy to see Gregg is writing "Redskins" so why does he insist on continuing to write that name with asterisks in the name in place of vowels rather than just calling the Redskins the "Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons" like he did earlier in this paragraph? I'll answer my own question. Gregg likes to be cutesy when he writes and he thinks writing "R*dsk*ns" is a funny thing to do. He is wrong.

Down 17-6 at the end of the first half, the Colts were staging yet another comeback: third quarter touchdown, then krumble on the play! The Flaming Thumbtacks dropped the kickoff, and TMQ contends the kickoff fumble -- krumble -- is the most damaging event in football, since the team that just scored immediately gets the ball in scoring position again.

I'm pretty sure that Gregg also claims the pick-six is the event that turns the tide the most in a football...or something like that. I tried to do a search for it, but I didn't really find anything. I swear Gregg has said something about a pick-six having a huge impact on a game in the same manner that he refers to a "krumble" having a huge impact on the game. Either way, let's not call a kickoff fumble a "krumble."

In the fourth quarter, Drew Brees was sacked on third down and fumbled, with San Francisco recoverying.

Oh, so the 49ers recoveryed the ball. It's always nice to get a fumble recovery because recoverying the ball is fantastic.

Just as the first quarter was ending at Tennessee, officials missed a 12-men-on-the-field violation by the Flaming Thumbtacks. During the long commercial break, they failed to correct the problem. Just as the game should have resumed, Chuck Pagano threw the challenge flag. NFL Network then went back into commercial. When it returned -- after festive mid-November ads for Christmas shopping -- 

The point of these ads is to get consumers to go out and purchase products before Christmas Eve. I don't know why I even bother talking about this every year, but I don't know why Gregg Easterbrook has to be so stupid about things like this. Retailers want to increase their sales, so they offer good deals for the holiday season well before the holiday season starts to increase their sales and create a sense of urgency in the consumer. That's why holiday commercials start in November and that's why sales for Christmas products go on sale prior to Christmas Eve.

Beleaguered Miami Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland, who traded first- and second-round choices to draft Dion Jordan, seems just now to be discovering that the guy is a part-time player. How could Ireland possibly have known? 

Dion Jordan is a rookie, so he isn't necessarily a part-time player at this point. It's just that his strength right now isn't playing against the run, so the Dolphins insert him into the game in passing situations. The Seahawks do something similar when it comes to Bruce Irvin, or did last year at least. So Jordan is a rookie and it's a bit early to call him a part-time player.

Everybody knew except Ireland! See for example TMQ on the Tuesday after the draft, check the Miami item.

I did check out the Miami item and I also checked out the Buffalo item where Gregg wrote something similar to what he wrote about Dion Jordan, except Gregg turned out to be wrong:

The Bills used a third-round pick on Marquise Goodwin, fastest man at the combine -- he ran a 4.3, excuse me, a 4.27. That's fast. Complication: Goodwin was never a full-time starter in college, recording just 26 receptions as a senior. So he's a track star but his own college coaches thought he couldn't play. Why will that change in the pros?

It will change because Goodwin doesn't have Case McCoy or David Ash throwing him the football. Goodwin has 16 receptions for 261 yards and three interceptions on the year. That's while being targeted only 26 times and Goodwin has 13 of those receptions in the last four games. Detailing how many receptions a wide receiver has in college doesn't tell the whole story on whether the coaches think that player can play or not. So Marquise Goodwin looks like a good draft pick, but you won't find Gregg mentioning that he didn't think Goodwin would be a good pro. Gregg only focuses on the times when he is right and ignores when he is wrong.

Hidden play of the week: Hidden plays are ones that never make highlight reels, but sustain or stop drives. San Francisco leading 20-17 in the fourth quarter at New Orleans, Colin Kaepernick scrambled on a busted play and flipped a flare pass to Frank Gore, running alone up the Saints' sideline. Gore would have gotten a first down, and might have reached New Orleans territory, but he dropped the well-thrown ball.

As I always say, simply because a play doesn't make the 45-second highlight reel doesn't mean the play is irrelevant. So judging a play as being "hidden" or not based on what the highlight reel shows is faulty reasoning in the first place. Plus, this dropped pass that would have converted a first down and extended the 49ers drive wasn't hidden at all. It took place in the fourth quarter of a three-point game. I'm sure 49ers fans and anyone who watched the game knows this was a crucial play that helped lead to the 49ers eventually losing. 

The Niners punted and went on to lose by a field goal as the clock expired.

See? Not a hidden play.

Next Week: Andy Reid demands to know why his 22 assistants didn't tell him the Denver Broncos are a high-scoring team.

Right, because knowing the Broncos are a high-scoring team and being able to stop the Broncos from scoring is the same thing. Having knowledge of good the Broncos are on offense means the Chiefs could have stopped the Broncos from scoring. Maybe Reid's assistants should have told him about the "Peyton Paradox" since it's a real thing and all.