I tried in vain to find something else to write about. I searched the Internet up and down and tried to get pissed at even the slightest stance a columnist took. I went to Goodhousekeeping.com for any articles I may disagree with and still came up empty. Finally I went to the Bill Simmons column which is pretty much crack for my soul, I seriously need an intervention. Due to the fact he pisses me off and I can write for hours about his latest column, I will only comment in short, one sentence pithy comebacks. That's the hook, but can I do it?
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/080609
For all intent and purpose, the Celtics played a perfect Game 2. They shot 53 percent from the field and made nine of 14 3-pointers.
Perfect would be 100% from the field and 14 of 14 3-pointers, so here is the definition to help you. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/perfect
So you can understand our confusion. Within something like 15 seconds, Boston's 24-point lead was whittled down to … (clearing my throat) … (slapping myself in the face a couple of times) … (peeing a little bit in my pants) … two
No matter what Adam Sandler says, peeing in your pants is not cool and this does not sound like the definition of perfect so please read it again. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/perfect
I wish I could explain what happened, but L.A.'s comeback defied explanation.
He is an idiot so I bet he will explain and defy the odds!
The Celtics relaxed, the Lakers made a couple 3s, the Celtics missed a couple shots, Kobe shifted into 17th gear, the Lakers made a couple more 3s, and somewhere during this stretch,
He did.
my buddy Hench texted me, "Will this be the worst loss in Boston sports history?"
Worse than Game 6 of the 1986 World Series?
(Yes, actually. And NBA history.
Worse than this I found randomly searching on the Internet? Milwaukee authored the biggest comeback in NBA history on November 25, 1977, vs. the Hawks. Down 29 with 8:43 remaining, the Bucks finished the game with a 35-4 run and a 117-115 win.
And sports history.)
Excessive Hyperbole Bill Simmons would have been his Western gun slinger name and he would carry a reference encyclopedia for all the claims makes, but he would never look at it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Comeback_(American_football)
and my frozen father was only missing a coffin and a touch-up makeup job from a mortician.
So if he is dead does that mean we don't get to hear about him ever again, because if we don't please tell me where I can send flowers/donations to.
That's when Paul Pierce (28 points, eight assists) saved us, barreling to the basket with one of his patented old-school, herky-jerky, zig-zag drives, drawing a foul and nailing both free throws with 22 seconds left.I was more relieved than anyone. Why?
Because you are self centered, egotistic douchebag that thinks the entire world revolves around you and have no concept there are other individuals in the world that could be feeling the same emotions and possibly in greater amounts that you do because you are too focused on how awesome you and everything you experience is?
Because the two Lakers fans sitting to my left apparently had this conversation in California on Friday night.
Fan No. 1: "Dude, I got us tickets for Round 2. Wanna fly to Boston with me?"
Fan No. 2: "Dude, I'm in!"
Fan No. 1: "Let's wear Kobe jerseys, get drunk during the game, argue with people in our section and see if somebody will take a swing at us."
Fan No. 2: "Dude, I said I'm in. You bringing your designer man-purse?"
Fan No. 1: "Absolutely! Are you going to trim your beard so you look like Crockett during the first season of 'Miami Vice'?"
Fan No. 2: "You betcha!"
Is this stupidier than wearing a Red Sox jersey to Tropicana Field, writing an article about it, mocking the fans, and then taking a picture of your crotch with food on it?
Look, every fan base has a worst-case scenario stereotype -- for Boston fans, it's someone with a shortened Irish name (Murph, Sully or Fitzy) who looks like a 295-pound Mike O'Malley, only with a shaved head, a comically ridiculous Baaaaa-stan accent, a T-shirt that's two sizes too small and a blood-alcohol level of 0.27 at all times.
Being so self centered, I wish you would realize you are my worst-case scenario stereotype.
(Here's an idea before Game 6, should it happen: The Celtics send out a news release that, if they see anyone sitting in a season-ticket seat for Games 6 or 7 wearing a Lakers jersey, a Lakers T-shirt or a Lakers hat, then the person who owns those season tickets will lose them next season. Period. End of story.)
I guess Boston Celtics fans are such die hard fans they sell their season tickets to the NBA Finals against their hated rivals!
This was a different crowd from Game 1 -- almost entirely Boston diehards, all of them wearing green or white -- which pushed the atmosphere to old-school Garden heights and unquestionably affected the officiating.
Boston diehards, who sell their season tickets to the NBA Finals against their hated rivals, can even affect (effect? Bill?) officiating.
There were also an unfathomable number of current Boston stars and former stars spread throughout the building, including Bill Russell, Doug Flutie, Curt Schilling, John Havlicek, David Ortiz, Kevin Millar, Mike Lowell, Josh Beckett, Wes Welker, Vince Wilfork, Adalius Thomas, Richard Seymour, Ty Warren, Coco Crisp, Antoine Walker, Cedric Maxwell, Jon Lester, the Red Sox owners (John Henry, Tom Werner and Larry Lucchino), Tim Wakefield, Jacoby Ellsbury, Tedy Bruschi, Jo-Jo White, Ty Law, M.L. Carr, Tommy Heinsohn and many more.
If Boston diehards had a special superpower it would be, "the ability to bring together athletes in one city for a major sporting event," and every other super hero would have it.
For God's sake, look at that list again. It's like the Ghosts of Boston Sports Past and Present.
For God's sake...is your father really dead?
That's a phenomenon unique to this particular city -- an unusually high level of fraternizing between the Red Sox, Celtics and Patriots that started a few years ago and eventually reached the point that players show up to support the other teams. Basically, the Boston sports scene has turned into a giant college campus.
Excessive Hyperbole Bill Simmons stared into the face of Wrongness, ignoring it's disapproving scowl, threw his encyclopediac reference book down and wrote this sentence, but because Excessive Hyperbole Bill Simmons does not allow comments Wrongness can not hit Simmons back with the weakness he has, the Truth.
Now the three relevant Boston franchises seem like mirror images of each other.
Not quite yet, there has been no proof the Red Sox have cheated to win games.
Digging a little deeper, the revival of the Celtics, Red Sox and Patriots mirrors something that's happening to Boston as a whole. Quite simply, the city that I left behind in 2002 doesn't exist anymore.
I wish you did not exist anymore.
On Friday night, I went to pick up my friend Willy at his place on Commonwealth Avenue; across the street, something was happening but I couldn't figure out what.
"That's where they're filming the new Bruce Willis movie," Willy said matter-of-factly.
Oh.
They filmed a prominent movie with George Clooney and John Krasinski right near me, so look for my 1500 word essay on it when I reached the point of patheticism you are currently at.
During the first quarter, there was one sequence when Kobe threw a bullet pass through Gasol's hands for a turnover, then shot Gasol one of his patented Michael Corleone, "You disappointed me, don't be surprised if I have you killed later" glares, only Gasol fired right back and told Kobe that he should have thrown a bounce pass, followed by Kobe staring at Gasol intently and trying to make Gasol's head actually explode on the court.
He forgot the part where Gasol dunked on Garnett the next time down the court.
But it symbolized what happened with the Lakers in these first two games; they looked rattled,
They looked rattled when they almost came back from 24 points?
they couldn't get calls
That was because of those Boston die hard fans, who sell their season tickets to the NBA Finals against their hated rivals.
they couldn't protect the rim,
Gasol did not need to protect the rim when he dunked on Garnett.
and on defense they seemed one step behind except for the fourth quarter in both games.
The Lakers outscored the Celtics 41-25 in the fourth quarter of Game 2.
At one point, my dad pointed to referee Bob Delaney, who was practically wearing a Celtics jersey and joked, "I like that guy. I want him for every game!"
So he is still alive AND not funny?
Yeah, the calls were one-sided, but you can't expect to get calls when you're reaching in from behind, trying to strip guys after they beat you and trying to block shots after your guy already grabbed an offensive rebound and he's standing between you and the basket.
I prefer the Celtics and find this indefensible, so please don't try.
When they started playing with desperation in the fourth quarter, pressured the ball full-court and bombed 3s in a wild small-ball attack, you could see the lightbulb flickering over their heads. Hmmmmm, maybe that's how we should have played this whole series.
Apparently if you change your style of play the referees will be entertained and give you more calls.
flying around the court like Lawrence Taylor after an 8-ball
Bill had to make one negative drug reference to a minority, so his quota is met now.
I'm starting to wonder if they simply got rusty after they clinched home court, lost their way a little bit, battled some severe confidence issues in the Atlanta and Cleveland series and ultimately found their way again.
They were clearly the best team, they just had no confidence, yeah, that's the ticket.
These things can happen with an inexperienced team, even a team with this many veterans.
You know, they say 60% of the time, it works every time.
When you think about it, none of their key characters could be considered "playoff experienced" except for Pierce (and even that's dubious), and they have a coach who has been learning as he goes along.
I wish horseshit excuses were not covered by his ESPN healthcare plan.
For all the grief that Doc Rivers has taken (and yes, I'm one of the grief-givers),
You are THE grief giver and got called out by Bob Ryan over it.
As I've written in the past, I'm a big believer in "getting reps" in life, whether it's speaking in public, driving a race car, performing in a porn movie, coaching a basketball team or whatever. Maybe Doc just needed to get some playoff reps in. I keep telling myself this.
I am Simmonsologist and have never heard you say that, but think you may be a bigger believer in making shit up to make you look smart.
But even Kobe can't stop the sun from shining in Boston today.
Probably because despite being a great basketball player, Kobe is not a solar eclipse, a cloud, nor a massive explosion that obliterates the sun.
There is nowhere I would rather be.
I have $100 that says he will be in Los Angeles for Game 3.
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