Drama Queen

Already, if you have read some of my posts here, you have probably realised I hate sensationalism. I mean, I understand these guys are selling papers, webspace, advertising, whatever, I understand there's a level of competition in the marketplace that demands they seek out attention. I'm fine with that really - to a point. It's when we get to the "Who's Now" level that I become physically ill. It also is, to me, deeply ironic that the media is now belittling blogs for being marginalised and extreme, when so much of sportswriting is commercially motivated. It is being painted by it's advocates (in this faux war with blogs) as being somehow pure, unadulterated and "old school", and yet it is appropriated by many different people. The gap between actual reporting and what you see on your computer or television screen is very great indeed. It seems to take a lot of gall, from that position to take a shot at people like myself and tens of thousands like me for not having insight, when we write simply for the love of the game. I assure you, there is no grandstanding going on.

Anyway, no sport is more susceptible to this dramatisation than the NFL. The two most overhyped events in the sporting universe in my opinion are the Superbowl and, especially, the NFL draft. But not too far behind is the NFL season in general, when sportswriters go to great pains to tell us how irrelevant the pre-season is and we all get frustrated waiting for the action to start, to see how teams will use their new toys. How Jonathan Vilma will work in the 4-3, what cool stuff Jim Johnson will do now he has Asante Samuel and Lito Sheppard (IMO the 2nd and 3rd best CB's in the league) in the backfield, he could blitz every down! These and many more, would make great pre-season articles.

This, by Alex Marvez, does not.

America's Team has become Hollywood's team

OXNARD, Calif. - There's just one problem with the Dallas Cowboys bringing their training camp back to California.

The locale is 55 miles too far west.

Hollywood should be the spot for what is a ready-made soap opera. Even Cowboys owner Jerry Jones describes his roster as a "great cast of characters."

I'm pretty sure he means "great bunch of guys that should work well together as a team" and not "combustable, smouldering loose cannons ready to lock horns over social supremacy and engaging in intricate power battles - with sexy results" but who knows, fine, go on.

This version of "Dallas" features the handsome quarterback (Tony Romo) and the starlet girlfriend (Jessica Simpson) who recently wrote a song about her squeeze called, "You're My Sunday."

*yawn* you're about 18 months late dude.

Terrell Owens is the flamboyant wide receiver who adores the spotlight.

alright, let's deal with this once and for all and I will try not to dwell on it over the course of the upcoming NFL season. Simply being Terrell Owens is not grounds for drama. OK? He's been FINE the last two years, seriously, aside from one hospital incident, basically nothing at all is happened. I know you guys are dying for him to cover himself in goats blood or something, but I can literally go through every team in the NFL and pick out an example of a player causing way more trouble for his team and attracting "the spotlight" (ie. you guys, the media), or at least trying to. In fact, I fucking will;

Arizona Cardinals - Matt Leinart partying with underage girls and the subsequent time share with Warner, Anquan Boldin throwing a hissy fit.
Atlanta Falcons - seriously?
Baltimore Ravens - Brian Billick is self appointed offensive genius and how dare you imply otherwise.
Buffalo Bills - they are so fucking beige as a team, I suppose I could do some Losman joke, but it's like shooting fish in a barrel at this stage.
Carolina Panthers - honestly, can't do this one...
Chicago Bears - This guy or this guy or this guy. They all work.
Cincinnati Bengals - Ocho Cinco, the human trade demand.
Cleveland Browns - besides the whole Brady Quinn is gay bit there's nothing to see here folks, move along.
Denver Broncos - I'm not gonna go there with that poor kid and the drive by, and I don't need to, because Travis Henry is a stoner.
Detroit Lions - let's just say when you type in "Matt Millen" into google, this is the second most clicked on result.
Green Bay Packers - see Falcons, Atlanta.
Houston Texans - kept their noses clean, I got nothing here.
Indianapolis Colts - this was all very unexpected.
Jacksonville Jaguars - generally pretty cruisy, but this was, to say the least, a bit awkward for a while.
Kansas City - I know he was awesome but still, total distraction.
Miami Dolphins - I'll get abstract for a moment and just reference the entire 2007-2008 season.
Minnesota Vikings - either the boat thing or Koren Robinson. You decide.
New England Patriots - yyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeah, I'm gonna assume you're all caught up on this one.
New Orleans - that flood stuff obviously has kept everyone feeling bad for releasing their inner total fuckwit, but for how long?
New York Giants - Michael Strahan is kinda a dick and this wasn't exactly ideal either.
New York Jets - who cares really? But Pete Kendall didn't make things easy last year.
Oakland Raiders - him or him
Philadelphia Eagles - again, I won't touch the Andy Reid thing, but there's always enough Donovan McNabb hating to go around.
Pittsburgh Steelers - Alan Faneca threatened a hold out
San Francisco 49ers - this guy.
San Diego Chargers - patron saint of stupid dances and steroids.
Seattle Seahawks - he is no longer, but Jerramy Stevens wiki entry lists no fewer than seven legal incidents. And that doesn't even include his recent "extreme DUI"
St.Louis Rams - like two day ago would have gotten a pass, but what's this?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - were going to cause a fuss but they were too busy playing canasta and taking mid afternoon naps.
Tennessee Titans - now that they've gotten rid of Pacman, they are really quite nice...when Albert Haynesworth isn't trying to kill people.
Washington Redskins - it fucking sucks, but I'm just saying, it caused drama and turmoil and that's what happens in the NFL.

My point - every team on the NFL (or nearly) has amazing levels of drama on a nearly daily basis. When you get 54 high level athlete-testosterone fueled-millionaires and big business, it's gonna happen. To put this all on a few individuals is ridiculous. It's just soundbyte style journalism, it's lazy and it's boring, Foxsports also has a story on Manny this week, enough. Your gay little jokes about T.O. being T.O. and Manny being Manny are played the fuck out.

There's the disgruntled (wideout Terry Glenn)

again, you will find a dissatisfied player on every single team.

the delinquent (still-suspended cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones)

I'll give you this.

the "deer-in-the-headlights" (which is how Cowboys cornerback Terrence Newman has described embattled strong safety Roy Williams' reaction to some pass plays).

yes, the Dallas safety is infamous for bad reads in coverage. Ho-ho-ho! What a colourful bunch they are. Also, how fucking awkward is "the deer-in-the-headlights" and how is that a soap opera caricature? Are we still doing your terrible forced metaphor Alex? I can't really follow.

The ensemble includes 14 other players with Pro Bowl pedigree and the beleaguered head coach who has to massage all these egos for team success.

so they have good players, this is a bad thing? Also, I haven't heard much criticism from Wade Phillips at all, in fact, he's a relatively anonymous head coach compared to Parcells.

There is even the real-life embodiment of J.R. Ewing in Jones. The former oilman has doled out more than $80 million in guaranteed contracts this offseason trying to recapture the prize that has eluded him for the past 12 seasons.

"We wouldn't have committed the money had we not had the expectations that we have a chance to be the best," Jones said at a Thursday news conference. "We all know what 'best' means — the very best."

how controversial! This Jerry Jones character sounds like a hard taskmaster, wanting his highly paid players to play well and enthusiastically backing them with his chequebook. I speak sincerely when I say I think we would all like Jerry Jones running our team. He spends money, he is devoted to the team and is genuinely interested in the sport and not just money (although I'm sure primarily money). He rarely speaks badly of individual players and leaves the coaching to the coach, as far as I can see.

Compare this to the Atlanta Hawks, or the Detroit Lions, or the Seattle Sonics, or the Florida Marlins, or Baltimore Orioles.

But unlike in previous years when predicting his team's fortune, Jones says he won't use the two words that epitomize being the NFL's best.

"Maybe I've lost my credibility in that area about saying we're going to go to the Super Bowl," a laughing Jones said. "We all know if I could just think it and get it done, we wouldn't be sitting here as interested in what we're doing."

I dunno much about J.R., I never watched Dallas, but Jerry Jones has always seemed pretty nice to me, including this article. I did a quick wiki of J.R. and found this;

" J.R. was a covetous, egocentric, and amoral oil baron, who was constantly plotting subterfuges to plunder his foes and their Texas-sized wallets."

I don't think there is much in common except they both deal in oil and are related to the city of Dallas in radically different ways. I understand Jones has had explosive relationships with his staff in the past, but I think in the last ten years he has been pretty reasonable.

This preseason drama began in earnest Thursday when the Cowboys arrived at the nearby Point Mugu naval air station. Of all the football talent on that monstrous charter, who should step out first?

Four Cowboys cheerleaders with pom-poms shaking.

bet that wasn't all that was shaking, if you know what I mean, am I right people? Am I right? This guy...this guy right here knows what I'm talking about (I'm talking about her tits).

"We didn't have anything like this in Miami," said awe-struck linebacker Zach Thomas, who spent the previous 12 seasons playing for the Dolphins.

said focused linebacker Zach Thomas...no

said enthusiastic linebacker Zach Thomas...no

said pumped up linebacker Zach Thomas...no

said wide eyed hick Zach Thomas, a tear rolling down his cheek as he thought of his Pa, a humble corn farmer, and all the folks down in the town, Mary-Jo from the milk bar and Thomas, the stablehand. It was just like old Granny Agnes had said, the big smoke was all a-glowing and a-shimmering, like a greased up pig at the fair...too much

awe-struck, perfect

Thomas and his new teammates spent an hour mingling with roughly 1,000 fans inside the hangar base of the famed VR-55 "Minutemen." Hundreds waited in line for an autograph at the table where Romo and a bouncy blonde cheerleader — no, not Simpson — were stationed.

"look Alex, they aren't gonna let you publish "surgically enhanced, white trash cockwhore", you have to be more subtle in your mysoginy these days. We'll just put "bouncy blonde", don't worry, everyone will get the picture."

Befitting of a team considered the trailblazers in maximizing all revenue streams, Cowboys merchandise was being sold at a small table. One fan, though, found his own way of expressing Cowboys love: A giant homemade red-and-white striped popcorn box that paid homage to Owens and his kernel-inspired touchdown celebration.

"You've got the team, the quarterback, the receiver, the running back. This is what you want," J.J. Jiminez said. "Give me the second round of the playoffs, at least."

it's this kind of unfettered access and insightful writing that makes sports journalism so many thousands of times more valuable than bloggers. On behalf of the blogging community - we surrender.

So why would Jones heap even more attention onto his club by once again giving HBO unlimited training camp access for its "Hard Knocks" show? Jones insists the ancillary benefits — particularly team exposure — far outweigh any behind-the-scenes drama that might unfold on camera.

"I've never thought on the basis that what went on off the field relative to attention, celebrity and that type of thing had one thing to do with how somebody blocks, tackles, throws or runs with the football," Jones said.

is that logic? WITCH! BURN HIM!

Romo should be relieved.

He was publicly savaged...

by who? More misleading over dramatisation, people fucking love this kid.

for having taken a quick getaway with Simpson to a Mexican resort the weekend before the Giants loss. Romo became the symbol of a Cowboys squad that appeared far too laid back entering the playoffs after a 12-1 start.

hindsight is fucking 20-20, seriously, they looked fine. How about those Colts in 2007? Yeah, they looked hunky-dory in the second half of the season.

Coach Wade Phillips still continues to insist that wasn't the case, telling one reporter during a Thursday news conference that he was "making something out of not a whole lot." Phillips grew increasingly irked at questions asking what lessons could be learned from his first season as Cowboys head coach and whether such a collapse was preventable, which infers he wasn't stern enough with his players.

"Everybody comes up with reasons," Phillips said. "It happened. We're going to move on. Hopefully we learn from it.

Alex Marvez is getting visibly irritated that everyone around him is being level-headed and sensible; "why won't this story just write itself dammit!" Yes, Alex, it's much harder to write a story when the facts don't fit what you'd like the story to be.

"This isn't last year's team. It's this year's team. I think that's where you go."

Or else Phillips may go, especially with the NFL's highest paid coordinator (offensive wunderkind Jason Garrett) waiting in the wings. It's yet another storyline for a franchise that Jones proudly touts as the "No. 1 television team in (U.S.) sports."

Whether that's for the right or wrong reasons will be evident soon enough.

I dunno man, I don't think you have much evidence for this "Wade Phillips is on the hot seat" thing. I mean, I guess all non Tony Dungy/Bill Belichick coaches of good teams are one season away from losing their job (see Billick, Brian) but I see no reason why Wade Phillips is on thinner ice than say, Jack Del Rio, or Marvin Lewis, or Andy Reid, or Lovie Smith or whoever. And I'm sure if and when that ice cracks, you, Alex Marvez, will be there, licking your lips to capitalise on all the delicious, juicy, tender drama.