MMQB Review: Craziest Football Day Ever (Until Next Week) Edition

Our traffic goes down like 75% when I talk about Peter King and his Monday Morning Quarterback, but there is just so much to savor in each column, with his Boston area sports infatuation he tries to hide so much and his Brett Favre ass kissing, I enjoy them too much to not mention them. Will the Brett Favre ass kissing end today though? You will have to wait and see.

MMQB

This had to be one of the most dramatic Sundays in the 24 years I've covered the league.

The first week after Tom Brady got injured, we have what King Peter King calls the most dramatic Sunday he has ever covered. Coincidence? I think not, Tom Brady should be phased out of pro football forever.

I am glad we settled this.

I warn you, Peter King will talk strategy with Mike Shanahan later in this column, and unfortunately at no point did Shanahan say his strategy was to ride the coat tails of one of the greatest quarterbacks ever to two Super Bowl victories and then get a lifetime contract to make poor personnel decisions. I was looking forward to this mention but it never happened.

The Chargers got robbed. Much more about that later, but suffice it to say referee Ed Hochuli's blown call of what should have been a Jay Cutler fumble with 1:17 left in the fourth quarter, and San Diego up 38-31, could be the type of millstone around the Chargers' neck from which they never recover this year.

This shows the true intestinal fortitude of a Norv Turner football team. They completely get run over one week earlier by a non playoff team from last year and they are fine, but then they lose the game on a bad call and the entire team gives up right then. Really. You thought LT sitting on the bench last year in the playoffs with his helmet on was an aberration, but if one bad call sends this team over the edge, no wonder they have not won any serious playoff games. Somewhere in North Carolina, Marty Schottenheimer is laughing as he is fishing in the sunshine on a lake, happy to get the hell out.

"I knew with four and a half minutes to go that if we scored and there wasn't much time left on the clock, I'd probably go for two,'' Shanahan said. "Just a gut feeling. I looked at my defense. They were spent. I figured I didn't want overtime to come down to a coin flip where we might not see the ball again if we lost [the coin toss.]''
Strategy time with Mike Shanahan. Listen closely, you just may not learn anything.

The defense had given up 38 points at this time during the game. The main factor in his decision should not be the team's energy level but the fact the defense is not good, as shown by giving up 38 points at home to the Chargers. Right conclusion, wrong reason.

Mike Shanahan tends to be the Mr. Bean of head coaches. He makes horrible personnel decisions and generally appears to have no idea how to construct a defense, but it works out for him.

This decision was gutsy but I tend to worry about teams that go for two at home because they don't trust their defense...and they were at home, while being at home...oh and they made this decision at home. Usually the road team takes this strategy. This does not bode well.

"You don't make that kind of call unless you've got 100 percent confidence in your quarterback, which I do,'' he said. "In a case like that, you're prepared for what comes, and I knew I'd get killed if it didn't work. It goes with the territory. I knew it was the right call.''

"You'd say that even if it failed?' I asked.

"Oh yeah,'' Shanahan said.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Mike Shanahan Era in Denver. Even though a decisions fails, he will still think it was the right call, without a doubt in his mind.

What a gutsy call. The problem is that if the play fails, it was NOT the right call. Pretty easy to say that in retrospect, but most normal people would have a shadow of a doubt it was not the right call if it failed. Not Mike Shanahan. I think that about sums up all of his personnel decisions as well, but does not explain to me why given a negative outcome this decision would still have been correct in his mind.

We'd have killed him if the play had failed. But can you argue with Shanahan's call, now that you've heard his logic, even if Cutler hadn't converted?

Yes and no. Here is the problem, my wonderful reader(s):

This was probably the correct decision in this situation, given the fact the defense had given up 38 points.

Numbers logic screams it does not matter though. There is a 50% chance the coin flip would have given the ball to the Broncos in overtime, where the vaunted offense could have scored in a number of ways. I don't think anyone would argue the Broncos would have probably scored or would have had a good chance to score if given the ball. Why would you put the entire game in the hands of one play, where a number of things can go wrong, when there is a 50% chance you will get the ball no matter what?

Well, the two point conversion has approximately a 50% chance of being converted in the NFL. So in essence, though this was a gutsy call, but the odds were about the same either way for Mike Shanahan. He just wanted to control his team's destiny. Smart move in this case.

You can argue with his logic though because there is a 50% chance the 2 point conversion won't work, they could have been better off to take the chance their offense gets the ball when they would have had more than one play to score. I also would not want one game to be decided by one play. I just don't believe this is as cut and dry as it appears.

• New England 19, New York Jets 10

Matty Ice.

If he actually ends up with this nickname.........I don't even know what I will do, let's just hope it ends right here.

I agree he played well but he did play the Jets and the Chiefs, so let's still temper expectations. Nah...fuck it let's take a 7 quarter sample size and just run with it.

· A 71 percent passer.

He will obviously do this for the rest of his career. This is a given.

· A cautious player. He'll eventually have to take some chances and be bolder. If he doesn't, New England will lose games against teams with competent defenses that have productive offensive days. But for now, cautious is better than impetuous.

He sounds like Yoda. "Impetuous you must not be, care with the ball you must take. Caution, the path is. Bold you may be in future, for now, the game you must manage."

On fourth-and-three from the New York 29 with 1:56 left, out of the shotgun, he had dumped a safe five-yarder to Wes Welker to get a new set of downs and seal the game. He didn't try to do too much, just end the game.

I love it when writers give a quarterback credit for hitting a wide open receiver for a first down. As if quarterbacks want to complete a 50 yard touchdown pass every single passing play, and will continously ignore a wide open receiver a few yards away. On fourth-and-three, there is no reason to do anything but try to complete a safe pass. This is not original or new, so no credit really needed.

If he keeps doing that, he might invite comparisons to the last unknown quarterback the Patriots thrust in the lineup after an injury to a famous quarterback. But let's not go there yet. Way, way, way too early.

I agree let's no go there yet. I mean, Drew Bledsoe was not a famous quarterback, he was just the only quarterback the Patriots had, so it is way too early to call him famous.

By King Peter stating this similarity, this automatically invites the comparison, then everyone is thinking about the merits of the comparison, then King Peter says it is too early to make the comparison he just made. This is a grand writing style.

• Carolina 20, Chicago 17

The Panthers prove a point.

That point is that they are better than the Chicago Bears at this point in the season.

2. Pittsburgh (2-0). As long as Willie Parker averages 122 rushing yards a game, the Steelers should be able to survive Ben Roethlisberger's bum shoulder.

What a bold prediction! That would amount to Willie Parker rushing for 1,952 yards this year, so I am going to go ahead and agree with King Peter here.

I want to try these type of comparisons:

As long as the Denver offense scores 38 points every game, I am going to say they will survive not having a good defense.

As long as the Green Bay Packers outscore their opponents this year, Aaron Rodgers will keep his job as the starter.

5. New England (2-0). Next to the phrase "game-manager'' in Webster's, there is a photo of Matt Cassel.

If you look up "Philly Cheesesteak" in Webster's, you see a picture of Peter King eating one.

Also, having watched the 50 Best Child Stars on the E Channel this weekend, I could not help but think maybe Webster, the precocious child star, could have had "game manager" written somewhere in that elevator he used to get from his room to the kitchen. I was wrong.

So beating the Jets and Chiefs, who won 8 games last year, gets you #5 in the "Fine Fifteen?"

14. Arizona (2-0). Nothing personal, Whisenhuntmen. But it's the 49ers and Dolphins you've beaten.

Beating the Dolphins and the 49ers, who won 6 games last year, gets you #14? I am not saying it makes sense or should not be this way, I am saying his reasoning is horrible. In completely subjective ratings of teams the least you can do is use consistent criteria.

What I Learned About Football This Week That I Didn't Know Last Week

Aaron Rodgers throws with more velocity now than Favre does.

I would certainly hope so, Brett Favre is 38 and Aaron Rodgers is 26. I have always thought the whole "Brett throws the ball so hard" was a little overrated anyway.

Not my opinion; it's the opinion of Greg Jennings, who caught balls from Favre his first two years in the league and is in his first season with Rodgers.

By including "not my opinion" King Peter obviously either disagrees with Greg Jennings or thinks this is an obvious statement. I would have to think Peter disagrees, given the fact he is madly in love with Brett Favre.

It goes against the grain of everything we've heard about Favre, who we still think of as Mr. Fastball, and the supposedly average-armed Mister Rodgers.

I have not watched Favre the past couple years and thought he was "Mr. Fastball" nor did I think Aaron Rodgers has an average arm. This brings up a good point though.

Wouldn't it be neat if we named each quarterback Mr. (fill in the blank)? I like to think these would be some of the choices we would choose:

David Carr- Mr. Mrs.
Chad Pennington- Mr. Changeup
Tom Brady- Mr. God
Vince Young- Mr. Bounce Hop
Brodie Croyle- Mr. Curveball
Aaron Rodgers- Mr. Rodgers (it just makes sense)
Jeff Garcia- Mr. If Were Not a QB, Then I Would Have a 100% Chance of Being a Pedophile
Drew Brees- Mr. If Jeff Garcia Were Not An NFL QB, I Would Be His 1st Target
Peyton Manning- Mr. Gump
Eli Manning- Mr. Little Forrest

Quote of the Week IV
"I'm sick about Tom Brady.''-- Peyton Manning.

Liar.

In the first round of the 2005 draft, the San Francisco 49ers selected their quarterback of the future, Alex Smith, with the first overall pick.

This is what the 49ers got for their four-year, $24.83-million investment in Smith:

Games: 32.
Starting record: 11-19.
Completion percentage: 54.4.
TD-Int.: 19-31.
Comeback wins from more than seven points down: 1.

Does anyone else remember how Aaron Rodgers was the presumptive first pick of that draft until the last day? I never understood why it changed.

Adrian Peterson vs. Walter Payton.

Say no more, shut up and go get a cafe grande.

Whoever voted for this section to be included in the MMQB should not be allowed to vote in any presidential election until 2028.

Offensive Player of the Week

Matt Cassel, QB, New England

Why, oh why, has Peter King made this decision?

In his first start in the NFL, and his first start at quarterback since a high school playoff game in 1999, he jogged onto Favre's new home field Sunday in New Jersey, and beat one of the top 10 quarterbacks of all time.

He actually beat the Jets defense, which is not that impressive, and the Patriots defense actually beat Brett Favre. I would not say Matt Cassel is the main reason the Patriots won that game. I also would not call Brett Favre one of the top 10 QB's of all time, so King Peter needs to lose this delusion. I know he wants to do the introduction for Favre's Hall of Fame introduction, but just ask him if you can do it and don't kiss his ass.

Darrell McClover, LB, Chicago. In the first quarter at Charlotte, McClover, the left end in the Bears' punt rush, dodged a block attempt by Panthers running back Nate Goings and deflected a Jason Baker punt into the sky. Brandon Lloyd came down with it, and the resulting touchdown should have spurred the Bears to a 2-0 start. But Delhomme had something to do with that.

First off, it is Nick Goings, not Nate. For someone who knows the last time Matt Cassel started a football game, I am surprised you missed this. I would say it was less Jake Delhomme that had something to do with the Panthers victory and more the Panthers defense giving up 24 yards on 17 plays in the fourth quarters.

I like how he chose a player for Special Teams player of the week that made a play which had no effect on the game.

d. I'm not going to give the thoroughly misguided human (if he or she is indeed human) who began selling the Bernard Pollard Fan Club T-shirts online after the Tom Brady injury any more attention than this one sentence and this one question: What would your mother think of you if she knew what you were doing?

I know, I know! His mother would cheat to win football games and then take offense when the league dares to catch you in the act? Only the Patriots would do that I guess.

Ok, his/her mother would announce the fact her daughter/son got a job with a pro football team and then three weeks later write a puff piece about that team and its head coach about how underrated they are, followed by consecutive losses by said team to "inferior competition." No, that was you.

I don't know what his/her mother would say then...

4. I think once the Raiders saw Lane Kiffin flirting with Arkansas last year, then had to swallow a 31-point opening-night loss to Mike Shanahan, it became clearly a question of when, not if, Al Davis will fire Kiffin. I don't know when it will be. But beating Kansas City is no cure-all, believe me.

And you can believe him because his favorite team beat the Chiefs last week.

Let's see how Peter King's sleeper pick of the year team is doing...and how fast he is hopping off the bandwagon.

5. I think there's enough blame to go around in Cleveland. The secondary is as bad as advertised. Derek Anderson isn't accurate enough. Braylon Edwards has five drops in two games. The pass-rush is on a poor 24-sack pace for the season.

There goes Peter King's sleeper pick. He jumped off that bandwagon two games into the year. Tuck and roll Peter, tuck and roll.

c. Tyler Thigpen cannot be playing for Kansas City right now. His decision-making is horrendous.

He is there best QB. Who else are they going to put back there? Steve Bono?

Dante Culpepper would look really good on this team in my opinion. Culpepper would be the best QB on the roster, but it is really way, way, way too early to say that.

f. Tarvaris Jackson looks awful, and I think the Minnesota play-calling is too protective of him.

(Brain is attempting to comprehend this comment. It attempts to draw parallels to better understand. It thinks: This child is incredibly reckless and his parents are too protective of him. That's not it, that makes zero sense. It thinks: This boy is failing all of his third grade tests and I think he should be promoted to fourth grade. That does not make sense either, though this is a better parallel. Brain sees something shiny and turns on a re-run of 'Wipeout'.)

a. Cliff Lee is 22-2 with three possible starts left ... for a sub-.500 team. Should there even be voting for the Cy Young in the American League?

Yes, because wins mean nothing...but Cliff Lee definitely deserves the Cy Young. Also, if the Indians win 33% of the games Lee pitches in, how does that not make him the MVP?

d. I don't care what Tim Wakefield's numbers (9-10, 3.92 ERA) say. The only more valuable Red Sox this year are Dustin Pedroia (200 hits, 13 games left), Kevin Youkilis and Jon Lester.

I do care what his numbers say, but don't care about this, and I also say...........it does not matter unless they win the wild card. Go Rays!

h. By the way, Emma Pacifico, if you think fifth grade is hard, wait till you get to sixth.

I mean seriously, what the fuck is this? He is giving shout outs to fifth graders?

"To all my homies in third period Chorus, I am holding it down for you in my MMQB!"

I googled this name, I am a loser, and it is the daughter of Ralph Pacifico, who is the coach for Montclair State.

His MMQB is becoming even weirder and weirder as the days go by. Can't he just text Emma and tell her how hard sixth grade is? He texts Trent Green and every other athlete, so why not her? Why put her in the column for no real reason? Why do I care?