Cubs Curse Not at All Responsible for Cursed Loss

So, I have been a little ill of late and thus might not be posting so much, but I could not let this one pass by without comment. If there's one thing I love more than hearing about mavericks, it's hearing about curses. Especially when a writer, like Gene Wojciechowski can't even decide whether he blames a curse or not. Let the vapid second guessing and grasping at straws begin!

Cubs' latest failure is worse than ever

I think I've worked out these titles. It's like promoting a film. It's back, and this time it's more recent than ever.

It wasn't a collapse. "Collapse" is too nice a word. A collapse would mean the Chicago Cubs actually showed up for the National League Division Series.

It wasn't a choke. A choke is what happened in 2003, when the Cubs were exactly five outs away from their first World Series in seven decades. A choke is when you blame someone sitting in Section 4, Row 8, Seat 113 of Wrigley Field.

it was a sweep. It happens, in baseball series. How many times is this going to have to happen. How many times the Yankees lost in the playoffs and everyone was, apparently sincerely, "stunned". It just happens ok? Like it's not like skill has nothing to do with it, no one pretends that's the case, but it's been pretty well established that the baseball playoffs are much more prone to the chaos of the cosmos than the other two major sports. You make the trade off for those moments of amazement, that defy the odds like the Roberts steal or the Pedro meltdown, the Bartman thing, the horseflies in Cleveland, all this stuff and so much more. The craziness of the baseball playoffs is simultaneously its biggest strength and greatest weakness.

If I were you I'd paint it as part of the quirkiness and true uniqueness of baseball rather than some nuclear meltdown. That's not how this writing caper works though is it? Consider my hopes dashed.

No, in some ways this latest Cubs playoff zombie film is worse than 2003's, and it's definitely worse than last year's October three-and-out. The 2003 choke produced anger and tears. The 2007 postseason losses produced disappointment, but with them came a weird, wait-'til-next-year optimism.

Next year just came and went. The Cubs have become playoff-irrelevant, which is the cruelest thing you can say about a team. They simply don't matter once the leaves change.

it's worse than ever for...whatever reason Gene can pull out of his ass.

Nine postseason losses in a row. Nine. The Cubs haven't won a playoff game since Oct. 11, 2003.

I find the whole concept of postseason losing streaks ridiculous. Kerry Wood was on that team and...no one else as far as I can remember. And I tell you what, swept or otherwise, Kerry Wood is doing cartwheels over this season, it was the unreported comeback story of the year IMO.

The Los Angeles Dodgers just eliminated them in three games. Check that. Only one of those Dodgers-Cubs games -- Saturday night's 3-1 loss -- was actually competitive. The first two were embarrassments for the Cubs.

still don't really know why this makes it "worse than ever". They were swept last year too. I guess the record of the Cubs was better this year, but the competition looked weaker to me, I don't know about you guys. I don't think there was some massive distinction between the two seasons, and I guarentee you for sure the 2003 one hurt more.

[We pause here to give the Dodgers their every prop. They bear-hugged the playoff moments.

A little more than a month ago they were five games below .500 and losers of eight in a row. Now they're drying out their swim goggles and unis from the champagne and beer clubhouse showers. Their right-handed starting pitching Saran Wrapped the Cubs' predominantly right-handed lineup.

So now the Dodgers advance to the NLCS. Nothing against the remaining playoff teams, but can you imagine what will happen if Manny Ramirez's Dodgers, led by a former New York Yankees manager, somehow face the Boston Red Sox, the team Manny couldn't wait to leave, in the World Series? Just think: At least two games, possibly four, of Manny back in Fenway?
We now return to our previously scheduled skin peel of the Cubs.]

this is it for analysis of the Dodgers role in the Cubs loss. Now we can get to the real reason right Gene?

The Cubs deserve every rip job they get. Winning 97 games during the regular season means zilch if you lose every time you reach the postseason. It means less than zilch (negative integer zilch?) if you waste the precious home-field advantage in a best-of-five NLDS. At least in last season's playoff sweep to the Arizona Diamondbacks, the Cubs started the series on the road.

yeah, they lost. No one is saying this is good. They are dissapointed. Are you trying to correct them? Do you think the Cubs are like 'YESSSSSSSSSSSSS, what a year boys! Way to go! We won 97 games and lost in the NLDS, just like we planned!". Yeah, thanks Gene, put them back in their place, the delusional fools.

Look, no one suggests this is a good result for the cubs. No one. Everyone knows this is a poor result, but let's not now relegate them to perenial losers, like this team cannot possibly win in the future. If that is the case, than they have bigger issues than this series loss, they don't have professional athletes on their baseball team.

The Dodgers had a lot to do with what happened earlier in the week at Wrigley and Saturday evening at Dodger Stadium. To mention Billy Goat curses, black cats and priests sprinkling holy water in the Cubs' dugout is to insult what Joe Torre's team did in the NLDS.

they did have a lot to do with what happened to the Cubs huh? They fucking beat the Cubs, arguably the most important reason for the Cubs...defeat. Anyway, as poorly as you put it, thank you for seeing some sense and placing the blame for the Cubs exit where it belongs - at the feet of the Dodgers.

But there is a 100-year weight (and wait) around this franchise's neck.

oh. Oh Gene don't. We were...I thought we were making a connection. How could you? I mean honestly Gene...I mean it's so cliche, I thought we were moving through this article together. You know, the old team? Actually making sense and presenting a cogent argument? I thought...nevermind.

It isn't what made Alfonso Soriano finish the Dodgers series 1-for-14. (Fittingly, his check-swing, Game 3-ending strikeout came on a toe-high pitch.) It isn't what made Aramis Ramirez finish 2-for-11 or Geovany Soto 2-for-10.

cut them. Cut them all. But yes, I guess you're back on the right path - it wasn't the 100 years that preceded them, but Dodger pitching, and of course, that mistress fortune we alluded to earlier. Good to have you back Gene!

But the failed history of the Cubs, combined with the expectations for this postseason, overwhelmed them.

but-you-we-but-but-no-curse-not-reason-but-logic-but...

If they couldn't deal with the past, how were they going to deal with the present?

how deep. You must hit the idea of the ball before you can hit the ball itself. In order to score a run, you must let the run score you.

Torre said afterward that the Cubs felt the pressure of opening the series at Wrigley. If so, these Cubs are exactly where they belong: out of the playoffs.

the Dodgers, on the other hand, could not give a fuck. They were like a whole bunch of little James Deans out there. You can keep your NLDS old man, we don't play by your rules. *sigh* Dreamy.

Cubs manager Lou Piniella can pretend the 100-year World Series drought isn't a factor, but the numbers say otherwise.

it's great how already stupid articles so frequently have a sentence that make you go "wow, now it's going to get really out of hand". Gene is about to use statistics, to tell you the exact reasoning why the Cubs failed. And he's going to deduce that that reason is a 100 year curse. That is to say, thousands of players who played for the franchise, somehow, in some occult manner, affected this team. And a goat. Enjoy.

The Cubs reach October and suddenly need barf bags. Seven walks issued by Ryan Dempster in the Game 1 loss to the Dodgers. Four Cubs errors in the Game 2 loss. Rich Harden lasts only 4 1/3 innings and the Cubs leave nine runners on base in the Game 3 defeat.

Ryan Dempster gave up six walks in a July loss to the Marlins, totally gripped by the evil hand of the curse. Harden gave up eight baserunners in those 4 1/3 innings. He gave up seven in five in a win over the Brewers in September, again in August against the Braves, nine in 5 2/3 innings against the 'Stros. This isn't to say Harden's not sick, he is, he's awesome, but these things do fucking happen, I don't care if your name is Johan Clutchity Nolan Schilling Gibson Nochoke - it happens, deal with it.

The Cubs were outscored 20-6. They might as well have been waving rhythmic gymnastics ribbons at the plate. By the way, Soriano and the holes in his swing are signed through 2014. Enjoy.

I know Soriano is (rightfully) a polarising figure, but he does have the seventeenth best OPS in the NL, he is paid way too much (not that that should be much of an issue with Cub ownership)and shouldn't be your number one offensive option, but with Lee, Soto, Ramirez et al in the lineup, he's the least of your concerns. Maybe not at leadoff though. Whatever, you don't care about complicated analysis, sorry, I forgot who I was speaking to. Let me try again.

Boo! Strikeout! Bad! Me! Hungry!

Some of Piniella's decisions deserve scrutiny, too. He started the struggling Kosuke Fukudome in right field for the first two games and got an 0-for-8 out of him. He slotted Ted Lilly, who had won his last four starts in September, in the No. 4 spot of the playoff rotation. Lilly never threw a pitch. Piniella also tinkered with the lineup.

even though this is unabashed 20/20 hindsight kind of stuff at least it has to do with actual baseball. I don't know if these are good or bad calls, I don't really care enough to put in the time to adjudicate, I'm just noting that now Gene has returned to "not about the curse" discourse now. How long until he reverts back to his Mr. Hyde like alter-ego?

Sadly, it won't be in this article - but it'll come, in the offseason. Squeezed between Yankee rebuilding stories, Brett Farve etc etc. I do want to highlight one final little parting shot though.

Strange. The Cubs are done, but former Cubs Greg Maddux and Nomar Garciaparra play on for the Dodgers. I wonder whether they sneaked a peek into the Cubs' dugout during the celebration.

1) how is that strange at all? They used to play for them, now they don't. FUCKING FREAKY MAN.
2) Maddux and Nomar are nearly universally recognised as a Brave and Red Sox respectively, Maddux might care slightly about the Cubs but frankly, has been through too much shit to care at this point, and Nomar is just happy to still be cashing a paycheck. What's strange is you including this in your column, I can't make any sense of it.

No surprises there.