Ten Things I Think I Think Peter King Has Not Thought Of

I have got a few things on my mind today while I am trying to figure out why whenever an announcer mentions Fred Lane, who for some reason owns some Carolina Panther rushing records, that announcer always forget to mention the fact Fred Lane's wife blew his head off with a shotgun. Seems like they would mention that for some reason.

1. K-Rod is going to sign with the New York Mets.

Sports Illustrated and Newsday reported that the deal is worth about $37 million.
Three years at $37 million. An elite closer is very expensive and I guess this means Billy Wagner is never ever going to play for the Mets again. $12 million per year for a closer, that just seems like a lot of money, but it could be worth it for the Mets. At least they know they will have a lead to protect in the 9th inning. What was the Reds excuse for getting Francisco Cordero though?

Rodriguez's agent, Paul Kinzer, said, "I am more optimistic than I have ever been" about finalizing a deal between K-Rod and the Mets, according to the Post. "We will know more in the next 24 hours, but so far everything has been positive."

I love agents when are quoted about a potential contract. He is about to make $1.85 million dollars, if he gets 5% of the total amount of the contract, of course he is optimistic and everything is positive. He is about to be able to afford that third yacht that he wants.

The contract would pay Rodriguez about $3 million more than he was offered by the Los Angeles Angels in spring training and $6 million less than Wagner's deal with the Mets, according to SI.com.

Holy shit. This is very new information for me. I did not know that Billy Wagner was making almost $14 million dollars last year. So now the Mets have almost $27 million wrapped up in closers? That's how much Alex "The Big Rip Off/Choker/Mr. Unclutch" Rodriguez makes in a year. I know they need a closer but good grief that is a lot tied into that position.

2. Why does CBS Sportsline only hire writers who try and piss the general public off? Gregg Doyel does it and Mike Freeman, with his cheesy ass picture, tries to do it too.

There is increasing speculation among some NFL personnel men that if Meyer wins another title -- and Meyer will because he has built the college football equivalent of the 1990 UNLV basketball team -- he'll be one of the most pursued college coaches in recent memory.

I thought we all agreed college football/basketball coaches should not attempt to make the transition to the NFL/NBA. I really thought this was understood. This is just a red herring though in this paragraph, I would really love to know what the heck Mike Freeman is thinking calling Florida the 1990 UNLV basketball team.

The 1990 UNLV basketball team was an absolute powerhouse but they only won one National Championship and faded into oblivion after that...well actually after the 1991 National Semi-finals they faded but they did not even make the championship game that year. It's not like there is no competition for Florida among programs who would be seen as the 1990 UNLV team. I am so confused and tired, I don't even come close to getting this comparison, but I think the entire purpose of building a great college program is to try and dominate every single year and Meyer has done that for basically two years. Mission not quite accomplished and this in no way makes him qualified to be an NFL head coach.

According to the Palm Beach Post, Meyer's contract allows him a limited window in which he is allowed contact with other teams. That window is basically now, the newspaper said, until the Gators' bowl game. So that means teams can basically talk to Meyer between now and Jan. 8 (or thereabouts).

You have to love what a class act these college head coaches are. Meyer put in his contract he would be allowed contact, not after the season, but while his team of young adults are preparing for what may be the biggest game of their life. What if he reaches an agreement? Is he going to quit as head coach before or after the National Championship? Either way, this is a very Bill Parcells-esque move and makes him seem like an asshole.

The only risk for Meyer is the NFL is the big boy league.

Ask Steve Spurrier. The other risk is that if/when he fails, he will have given up a position as head coach for one of the top 10 programs in the nation and those don't come around all that often. I am sure Butch Davis and Steve Spurrier are happy where they are right now, but would they rather rebuild UNC and South Carolina or be coaching Miami (bad example...but they were good after David left) and Florida right now? I would rather play in January against Texas, rather than Missouri in some third tier bowl.

I think Meyer has always been a more masterful program builder than strategic coach.

Wonderful point. He is not someone who has brought the spread option offense to three different conferences with great success each time. Not an innovator though, not at all. Shitty point.

Yet Meyer is close friends with New England coach Bill Belichick and he has seen Belichick do great things in the sport.

But not in Cleveland, his first head coaching stop. If Meyer fails his first time, he won't get another shot.

A title game win will be seen by Meyer as accomplishing everything he can at Florida and the NFL will be viewed by him as territory to be conquered.

Before he can reap his wonderful rewards he has to beat a pretty good Oklahoma offense. They may not have a great defense but they can score with anyone in the country and that includes Florida.

He is dumb to even think about going to the professional level to coach.

3. I have never really covered Bill Plaschke all that much here but let it be known his Lou Holtz-esque Daffy Duck lisp annoys the crap out of me on Around the Horn. He is also does bad sportswriting in his spare time.

The Trojans miss Norm Chow. They miss him bad. They miss him historically bad.

Oh yeah, USC has absolutely stunk since Chow left to go run the Tennessee Titans' high powered offense so well he got fired this past offseason.

Chow left in 2004 and USC has lost a total of 6 games. That would be 1 in 2005, 2 in 2006, 2 in 2007, and 1 game in 2008. It's not like they have fallen off the face of the earth during that time period and they have had zero offensive problems in that time span that lasted longer than one game. I think a lack of focus in games against Oregon State and Stanford has been their major problem and that could be because Pete Carroll runs an extended daycare and the players get too loose sometimes before a game and probably do not take their opponent as seriously as they should.

The truth is, if Chow did not leave USC in 2005 after a personality clash with Carroll, they could have played for three more national titles.

The truth is, Chow's play calling would not have necessarily led to the Trojans executing his game plans any better than they already did. The truth is, you are a moron.

With Chow in the booth, there is no way Reggie Bush would not have been on the field on that infamous fourth-and-two play on the Texas 45-yard line. If Bush is on the field, at least one more defender is occupied, and LenDale White probably gains the extra yard that would have clinched the victory.

Yeah maybe. What happens though if Bush is in the game at that point and he tries to cut block a receiver to ensure LenDale White gets the first down, breaks his back and is unable to ever play football again? Kim Kardashian would never date him if he is in a back brace. She doesn't like handicapped people. What if the surgeon was up late in the night celebrating USC's national championship caused by Bush's ill fated block/Chow's wonderful play call and screws up trying to repair Bush's spine and Bush becomes a vegetable and wants to be killed so he is not in any more pain and agony? Well I can tell you George Bush would not allow this, so what if he has the government step in to prevent it, and in response a wack job left wing group has Cheney and Bush killed and now Nancy Pelosi is the President of the United States? What if she begins to get the country back on the right track and there are never any bailouts so she is elected President of the United States in 2008? What if Barack Obama becomes so depressed he is going to have wait four more years to become President he chooses to take his life rather than have to run against Hillary Clinton in four years? Basically by not having Reggie Bush in the game at that point, Lane Kiffen/Steve Sarkasian could have saved Barack Obama's life. Obama can thank them later because they have college teams to coach.

You think Chow would have screamed when Booty tried to play the second half against Stanford with a broken finger?

Absolutely, he would have screamed and then he would have broken Booty's leg so he could definitely not play in the second half. Then he would play quarterback. He can do this because he is Norm "Fuckin'" Chow.

One of the themes this week is that, since leaving USC, Chow has fallen from grace. He was fired from a Tennessee Titans team that has only lost once. He has joined a UCLA team that has won only four times.

This seems to undermine your point that Norm Chow is awesome.

After the victory over Oklahoma for their second consecutive national title, Carroll intimated to Chow that he was going to be calling more of the plays, or at least giving more authority to young Kiffin, who was being created in Carroll's image.

Thing is, Pete Carroll is the head coach, he can do this. If he wants to name Grimace, the fictional character from McDonald's, the offensive coordinator and a midget gymnast from Lithuania the defensive coordinator, he can do it. He is the head coach and has the magical powers to make these types of decisions.

4. I have focused on this a whole lot last week so I will not belabor the point but did anyone catch the fact Duke lost on Saturday to Michigan, a team they manhandled a week earlier? Surprisingly I could not find any articles that talked about how the 110 articles written last Wednesday about how awesome Duke was going to be were potentially wrong. Doesn't matter because online articles now consistently deal with reactionary journalism. The Carolina Panthers beat Tampa Bay last night, now they are the team to beat in the NFC. Forget the fact they still can't throw the ball and the Giants have played only one bad game, now they have ordained Carolina the team to beat.

It drives me crazy. After one victory, journalists act as if the entire landscape has changed overnight. I wanted to wait until February/March to determine if this Duke team is different and I still do. Why any journalist who wants the slightest credibility would write flip flop articles for the next three months based on the last game played is beyond me. I guess that is where journalism is at now.

5. I am beyond pumped up to read how my preseason predictions for the NFL panned out, I am sure I am going to look like an idiot, but I really, really enjoy being wrong/right. I don't remember the exact records I predicted, but I do remember loving Jacksonville this year. Ouch.
6. Woody Paige writes a Brandon Marshall puff piece.

The cocky, irresponsible kid seems to have grown up to be a humble, responsible adult at 24 1/2. Instead of hanging out late at night in disreputable clubs, he is hanging out on off days at youth centers. He is staying in bounds and out of trouble. The young man who had needed help is helping others.

If you think I am not 100% confident this kid has become a living example of a saint in the past four months since he last caused the Broncos problems, then you are probably right.

Marshall once ripped the Broncos fans for leaving. On Sunday, he thanked them for staying.

This isn't a change at all. He wanted them to stay and they stayed so he thanked them. Seems to make sense to me. I am not sure the crowd doing exactly what Brandon Marshall wanted them to do is a sign of maturity.

"Harvey and his family have done a lot for me over the past few months, and I really appreciate it. I promised him a game ball," Marshall said.

It is not necessarily a sign of maturity when a player gives the game ball to the attorney that has helped him with all of his legal problems.

And because of that makeover, Marshall has become a better man — and can become The Man.

Fortunately Woody Paige knows nothing about maturity but he does know a thing or two about how to write a puff piece for a man who hurt himself slipping on a McDonald's bag.

7. Greg Maddux has retired.

CC Sabathia, A.J. Burnett and Derek Lowe, who will sign contracts this winter for something more than $250 million, have a combined 330 career wins, 25 fewer than Maddux alone.

He was amazing at one time. I know I am biased because he played for my favorite MLB team for a long time but I am not sure I have ever seen a pitcher set up hitters like he did. I think he had a patent on soft one hoppers back to the pitching mound. Not to go all Bill Simmons on you, but when he gave up a couple of runs I was surprised and actually angry with him because I expected him to be perfect all of the time. To put up the numbers he did is amazing, since he pitched in the steroid era.

Look at his numbers. Even if you think you know them, look at 1994-2002 and just remember that was right in the middle of the steroid age. I personally think he is the greatest pitcher of this era. I know others can say Clemens or Pedro but I think Maddux's numbers really back it up.

8. Here is my big question...does Maddux go in the Hall of Fame as an Atlanta Brave or a Chicago Cub? He came up to the majors as a Cub and played for them for 9.5 years. He had most of his success as an Atlanta Brave and played for them for 11 years. I have my opinion on the matter, but I am surprised this question has not been posed by more people.

9. I always get really excited for bowl season but doesn't it always seem like many of the major bowls are massive disappointments and not that interesting? Last year Hawaii got picked apart, LSU ran away with the game in the second half, WVU won big and it just seems to go on from there. I try not to get too excited because I know the good games are going to be the early games and not necessarily the BCS bowl games. Sure, you do have your Oklahoma v. Boise St. games but for the most part you never get four quality BCS bowl games and end up with a couple of blowouts. I guess it is inevitable but I still wish the games were all a little closer.

10. The Timberwolves fired Randy Wittman and Kevin McHale is now going to wear sweaters on the bench every night and hope his team can win 1 out of 5 games.

"If this doesn't work, it'll be on me," McHale said. "The thing I told Glen is that nothing changes with the plan. The plan stays the same. We have a lot of cap room in the future. We have multiple [draft] picks. Nothing's going to change. The only change is that I'm going to spending all my time coaching."

So the Wolves are 4-15 currently, the new coach guarantees nothing is changing, he is banking on cap room and brags about the fact they have tons of new draft picks to choose even worse players. I am sure everyone in Minnesota is rushing out to buy season tickets right now. These promises are from the same guy who relieved the Timberwolves' fans of having to watch OJ Mayo turn into a real NBA player and traded him for a guy who will crowd the lane so Al Jefferson has less room to move and is 20 years old but still has baby fat. I am glad I am not a Timberwolves fan.