MMQB Review: Kyle Orton is Tom Brady Edition

It's Monday again and the NFL weekend has wrapped up with another exciting slate of games. We all know we can't officially talk about this weekend's games without getting Peter King's take on what happened with his favorite teams first. Hopefully he has enough time from his Twitter war with Mark Cuban (about halfway down) to fill us in on some of the minor annoyances he has had in life this week as well. Enough hoping, let's just see what coffee induced thoughts Peter has this week. CNNSI.com also uses the headline "Peter finds NFL truths to be self evident" in the link to the article making it the second straight week they use the term "truths" on a link to Peter's MMQB...and I thought I struggled with column titles at times.

One of the great things about any NFL season is how it doesn't matter what we all think out here in media- and fan-land.

Yes, very true. If the NFL was truly based on what the media wanted and thought it would be, then we would have a well fought Super Bowl with Mike Vick quarterbacking his team to a victory over the Minnesota Vikings and Brett Favre, with his best new friend and receiver Terrell Owens who was brought over in a mid-season trade...and Mark Sanchez would be doing the play-by-play for the game. Thank God that didn't happen.

Miles Austin just had a better game in his first NFL start than any of the 199 games Terrell Owens or Michael Irvin ever had for the Cowboys.

Sportswriters love facts and figures like this. It truly impresses them when a mediocre receiver has a great day that some of the game's greatest receivers who played for that team couldn't match. If Terrell Owens and Michael Irvin were not double covered or didn't have the attention of the defense for an entire game, maybe they too could have gotten open and had as many yards as Miles Austin. Impressive? Yes it is. Really significant or a reflection of how great a receiver Austin currently is? Eh, maybe.

The Titans are pitiable. Let me expand: Two of the first-round-bye playoff teams last year, Tennessee and Carolina, are a combined 1-8 this year. And the Panthers had to come back from a 17-2 deficit at home Sunday for that one measly win.

Thanks for the high praise. A lesser sportswriter may have ignored it, but no Peter pays attention to comeback wins and if he isn't impressed, mocks it every so slightly well. Well done Peter.

I'm just as impressed with Orton. Will it last? I don't know. Will the bubble burst? I don't know. But right now, he's every bit the surprising find to McDaniels' Denver team as Tom Brady was to the Patriots in 2001.

No Peter. No he is not. Tom Brady was a complete and utter shock to the entire NFL in 2001. No one had a clue he could play quarterback like he did. Even those who watched Michigan football were pretty taken back. Kyle Orton already had some measure of success in Chicago. It was he, not Rex Grossman, that led the Bears to the playoffs in 2006 and it should have been he, not Rex Grossman, who got to be the quarterback in the playoffs Divisional round. Orton can have success if you give him time and give him some guys to throw to. There is no comparison between he and Brady in 2001 in my mind. Pure hyperbole.

Brady led the Patriots to a Super Bowl win no one saw coming. Can you sit there right now and say Orton might not do the same thing?

Considering I am really shitty at seeing into the future, no I can't say Orton will not do the same thing. Can Peter sit there and say that Orton won't throw an interception in a game against the Chargers and reveal himself in anger to really be an alien from a far away galaxy (Easterbrook would love it if this happened) and then have his people blow up the entire Western half of the United States? No, we can't say that won't happen either.

Great job by Peter to use mankind's inability to see the future to prove a point. This is a retarded sentence. Kurt Warner led his team to a Super Bowl victory in 2000 no one saw coming. Can we sit here right now and say Josh Johnson can't do the same for the Bucs this year? (Ok, maybe a bad example, but you get the point...we can't see the future)

"We'd had a 95-yard drive earlier,'' Orton told me last night. (Actually, it was 90.)

Kyle Orton is a liar.

Lewis has done the unthinkable (at least to me) in Cincinnati: He's won as many as he's lost (50-50-1), and he's done it rebuilding on the fly. Three reasons Cincinnati's better on defense, finally.

How about I give everyone ONE reason why the Bengals defense is better now? They spent a lot of 1st/2nd round draft picks on defensive players that are good football players. There can be 100 other reasons given, but this is really the only real reason the Bengals defense has played well.

Most important is the Bengals have established a physical presence, led by punishing rookie linebacker Rey Maualuga

2nd round pick.

Two: The first-round starting corners, Johnathan Joseph and Leon Hall, are healthy in tandem this year and maturing into a pair of corners Zimmer's not afraid to put on islands with good wideouts.

Both 1st round picks. Peter also forgot to mention Keith Rivers as another 1st round pick who has played well. Odom has played well recently too, but anytime you draft well on either side of the ball, it's going to help the team.

There are some interesting developments in Cleveland, with the scratch-and-clawing 6-3 upset of the Bills Sunday, following Adam Schefter's report on ESPN that the Browns willingly allowed a rookie running back, James Davis, to practice recently without pads against fully padded defensive players, resulting in a season-ended shoulder injury for Davis.

Does anyone else have a feeling Eric Mangini is like Bill Belichick if Bill Belichick had absolutely no idea what he was doing? Did he allow JUST James Davis to practice without pads? If not, how many players were doing this...and why???????? More importantly, if Brady Quinn practiced without pads, did he cry when he got hit? (Sorry Browns and Notre Dame fans, Brady is a tough guy, it's just too easy to mock him)

After his third practice with Crabtree, quarterback Shaun Hill told me he thought Crabtree could be a useful piece this year. "He's got strong hands, late hands,'' Hill said. "Late hands -- that's when the ball's over your shoulder and you either see it late or find it late, and you can get your hands up in time to catch it.

I like Michael Crabtree as a receiver but I do get confused when the thing that sticks out to his quarterback is that he has "late hands." So he is finding the ball late or seeing the ball late? I am glad his hands get up there quickly but I don't know if I see this is a good thing.

"He can't find the damn ball when I throw it to him, but when he does find it, his hands react quickly."

Has anyone thought about watching the UFL? If so, I have a feeling they aren't going to use this statement to advertise for more people to watch the league:

"The quality is like an NFL preseason game,'' Dorsey said. "What I like is the people running the league care about the football. We've got a bunch of players trying to re-prove themselves and show they can play at a high level.''

The UFL: It's like preseason football, except like preseason football where none of the starters play. If you like watching players attempt to prove they can still play a high level, watch the UFL. It's like the fourth game of the preseason! Except these are the starters and there are only four teams. Hey everyone, watch the UFL.

That should be their extended tagline.

The NFL absolutely, positively isn't going to cut down on its vigilance of quarterback hits, no matter how many Ray Lewises and Rodney Harrisons ridicule the protectionist attitude toward passers

Dammit Peter! Rodney Harrison was joking! Can't he joke on live television? Since when can a man not make inside jokes on live television and mislead the audience into believing he is saying something else?

Here's what I have a problem with: players like Patriots defensive tackle Mike Wright getting fined $5,000 for contacting quarterback Joe Flacco's helmet while rushing. Clearly, if the league's going to fine a player, there should actually be some intent there. I've watched the Wright play twice, and he clearly did not intend to hit Flacco.

That's Peter's little way of saying his favorite team didn't get all the roughing the quarterback related calls last week. He probably watched the game film for 10 straight hours and waited to see if the Ravens did something wrong so he could mention it.

Happy birthday, Brett Favre: Favre turned 40 Saturday -- doubt he got many birthday cards from Green Bay zip codes -- and celebrated by leading the Vikings to their fifth straight win, in St. Louis on Sunday. But that's not the milestone date I was thinking about this weekend.

Every week, like clockwork...even when there is nothing to talk about. Peter King will mention Brett Favre.

What's this milestone? First date? First time Peter went to Brett's house for dinner? Or is it the first time Deanna Favre baked the delicious chicken pot pie for Brett and Peter?

Today is the one-year anniversary of the hit from Cincinnati linebacker Rashard Jeanty that led to Favre's right biceps injury, and led to the arm and shoulder pain that made his late 2008 season so miserable.

I like how Peter is so obsessed with Brett Favre he remembers the exact date a year ago that Favre hurt his arm, while simultaneously he is making an excuse for Favre as to why he stunk down the stretch last year. Only Peter King can effectively combine his very bizarre and unhealthy obsession with Brett Favre and his need to defend Favre whenever possible into a sentence.

So my question to him last week was the same as my question to him in the summer: Can you last?

God, enough Favre. Peter King needs a restraining order against him. He is torturing his readers at this point.

"I don't know,'' he said when I spoke to him in the tunnel at the Metrodome,

Your quarterback may not last the whole year Vikings fans or isn't even sure himself if he can. Hope that $12 million feels well spent.

The Fine Fifteen

1. Minnesota (5-0).
3. New Orleans (4-0).

The Saints didn't drop from 1 to 3 because they had their bye this week. They dropped from 1 to 3 because of how impressive the Vikings were last Monday against Green Bay and Sunday against the Rams.

So the Saints beat the Jets, who are #8 in Peter's power poll and have a bye, and that drops them two spots in the "Fine Fifteen," while the Vikings beat the Packers and Rams, neither of which made Peter's "Fine Fifteen" and they move up two spots. Logic has taken a vacation and obsession is writing the Fine Fifteen this week.

10. Atlanta (3-1). At halftime in San Francisco, Roddy White had six catches for 185 yards with two touchdowns, and Michael Turner had 13 carries for 72 yards, with three touchdowns. At halftime!

Peter picked the 49ers to win this game by the way. I did not. I guess the advantage I have there is I actually pay attention to every team in the NFL...or at least try to.

12. Pittsburgh (3-2). I don't like dropping the Steelers four spots after a road win. I understand it's not fair.

If only Peter had more control of the "Fine Fifteen" the Steelers wouldn't drop 4 spots for beating the Lions. The Vikings jumped two spots in part for beating the Rams. Just a note to think about...if only Peter had control of it.

I expect if Cable is found culpable in the attack on Hanson that he'll get more than Steve Smith got last year in Carolina -- two games -- for punching out Ken Lucas. A charge like this, if confirmed, could be a career blackball for Cable in the NFL.

Tom Cable should be blackballed from the NFL for starting JaMarcus Russell at quarterback every week this year and not immediately quitting when Darrius Heyward-Bey was drafted over Michael Crabtree. Speaking of Heyward-Bey and Crabtree, if Crabtree catches 3 balls next week he will exceed Heyward-Bey's season production so far.

First, it's dubious that NFL Network can have Sanders on the air commenting on anything relating to Crabtree when he's advising him. Second, there's no question Sanders is good on TV and makes good analytical points about all aspects of the game. The problem is, you don't know when you're listening to him who his sacred cows are, who he's training, who he's taken under his wing.

Peter is talking about Deion Sanders here and it is highly ironic that Peter King, the King of protecting his sacred cows like Brett Favre and several other NFL players, is criticizing Sanders for being too close to players.

Is he over-praising Ray Lewis or Ed Reed because he's so tight with them? Or is he over-praising scores of other players because he's worked out with them or advised them or mentored them or exchanged texts with them before and after games?

Is Peter King overpraising or making excuses for Brett Favre because he is good friends with him or is he overpraising Peyton Manning and Bill Belichick because they are two of his favorite people in the NFL to interview? Peter needs to realize he is just as bad if not worse than Deion Sanders. He may not have hundreds of players under his wing, but the ones he does have in his "inner Peter King circle" he talks about excessively and overpraises as much as possible.

Yes, I also know it is hard to overpraise Peyton Manning, but you know what I am trying to say.

Offensive Players of the Week

Kyle Orton, QB, Denver.

As I said earlier, Orton is rapidly becoming to the Broncos what Brady was to New England when he took over for Bledsoe in 2001 -- an efficient player who does precisely what his game plan directs him to do.

I know the Tom Brady-Kyle Orton comparisons are sexy and it just seems too easy to make them, but Brady was that kind of quarterback in his second year in the league. He is now one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. Orton is playing great, I won't deny that, but this comparison doesn't work for me because Orton is a veteran with an actual decent track record in the NFL, while Brady was an unproven 2nd year player in 2001. This is Orton's ceiling right now while Brady turned out to be an even greater player. I don't see the similarities because Orton is a veteran with a track record and Tom Brady was an unknown who is an All-Pro.

I've been teasing some of the content here in the past month, and this morning, I'll give you three of the Ten Things I Think I'd Do If I were Commissioner For a Day:

1. Waive waiting period and immediately induct Brett Favre in the Hall of Fame.
2. Eliminate all teams west of the Mississippi River. Nobody cares about them.
3. Every team must have a white, male, gritty, attractive quarterback who gives the Commissioner their phone number for "emergencies"/late night talks about life.

1. Give each team at least one possession in overtime.

Ever since Peyton Manning was eliminated last year without a possession this has been Peter's pet project. The straw has broken the camel's back now. Brady got screwed.

There was another example Sunday. Tom Brady never came off the sidelines after New England lost the overtime coin flip.

OT rules do suck and I actually have been advocating they be changed for a while now. I am glad some of the popular teams in the league have been hurt by the rule, so it may actually get changed now.

Of course I have never liked any of Peter's suggestions for OT, because he wants each team to get a possession AND THEN a coin flip determines who gets the ball first. Thereby just delaying the coin flip, which is useless. Teams have had all game to score, one more possession each in OT shouldn't make a difference before a coin flip.

Just think about the logic of Peter's suggestion: Two teams have played an entire game and are tied. There are probably 8-10 possessions for each team, but Peter wants each team to get ONE MORE possession in overtime and then have a coin flip to determine who gets the ball first after that.

Then Peter talks about his Twitter fight with Mark Cuban, who accused him of being condescending (Not Peter King, I don't believe it!).

c. JaMarcus Russell has such terrible pocket awareness. It's like he's playing quarterback for the first time. He is so unaware of rushers around him -- like he has no peripheral vision. And quarterbacks are supposed to have clocks in their heads, telling them how long they can hold onto the ball. Russell's clock needs batteries. He is powerfully ill-equipped to be a starting NFL quarterback.

Worst. Top 5 pick. Ever?

d. Mike Vrabel: 11 career catches, 11 touchdowns.

Note to defensive coordinators, if Mike Vrabel is in the game, he may actually get the ball. Cover him.

f. The Patriots ought to wear those togs every single, solitary time they wear white. Gorgeous. Classy. And those helmets with the real Patriot snapping the ball ... fantastic. I remember getting one of those for Christmas

And why would he get an old Patriots helmet for Christmas? Because they are his favorite team! I am right, I am right, I am right, I am right...(the sound of firecrackers going off and a parade begins in Bengoodfella's attic where he lives as he high-fives his zero friends and his panther-cat looks on in disdain)

Thank God, now I can almost quit talking about this, as soon as Peter admits the Patriots are his favorite team. If this were the movie "Ghost" I am would be this close to being able to disappear into the netherworld a happy man. Almost. (And yes, I said like "Ghost" because I am too lazy to think of another example)

k. Every Sunday I do Peyton Manning a grave disservice by not naming him Player of the Week. Like last night ... 20 of 24 in the first half for 200 yards against a team that knows him intimately and was playing a playoff-type game.

Here's the thing sportswriters miss when they talk about how a player like Peyton Manning performs well against a team that knows him "intimately." They miss the fact Manning knows the Titans intimately as well and they had two rookie cornerbacks out there at one point. They knew each other well, so this gives an advantage to both Manning and the Titans when facing each other.

l. Bad Day For Northeasterners Dept.: Within three hours Sunday, Jonathan Papelbon surrendered his first postseason runs and Brady lost his first overtime game ever. Sox lose. Pats lose. New York erupts in glee.

Yes, that's a bad day for the entire Northeast. So basically Peter thinks everyone in the Northeast is a Boston Red Sox or New England Patriot fan. True? I have no idea but it just seems like a large assumption to make. Also, more than just New York erupted in glee when the Red Sox stupidly walked Hunter to get to Guerrero and Vlad got a hit.

a. Dick Jauron would need a miracle to keep his job in Buffalo,

Like the rest of the NFL teams disband?

b. Mike Shanahan, as I said on NBC last night, is not going to coach the Redskins -- or anyone else -- this year.

I am not a big Mike Shanahan fan. I know Josh McDaniels has turned over the roster pretty well in Denver, but he is an offensive guy, like Shanahan and he is doing a great job putting a defense together in Denver, which is something Shanahan could never do. Take away what he did while he had the uber-hungry John Elway and Terrell Owens (I should have put Terrell Davis here...I have Terrell Owens on the brain for some reason) and I just feel like Mike Shanahan isn't as good of a head coach as he gets credit for. Maybe it's just me.

c. Coaches other than Zorn and Jauron with futures in hand over next two months: Norv Turner, John Fox, Wade Phillips, Gary Kubiak ... and others TBA, depending on the big slumpers over the last two-plus months.

Really, why talk about these guys and why or how they could lose their jobs? It's boring because there teams aren't located in the Northeast part of the United States. That's the only part of the country Peter cares about.

I know I sound bitter but Peter does this constantly. He goes into depth on two teams near his area and just glides over the rest.

h. Rashard Mendenhall, you're making Mike Tomlin's job tough. With 242 yards and a 5.5-yard average carry the last two weeks by the second-year back, what's Tomlin going to do when Willie Parker returns from his turf toe?

Keep starting him because Parker is constantly hurt?

g. Chris Berman said this Sunday morning, and it's still true: Darrius Heyward-Bey has more names (three) than catches (two).

It's almost unfair to pick on the Raiders draft choices at this point, but I will continue to do so. Darrius Heyward-Bey stinks. He wasn't that great at Maryland either.

Also, please never quote Chris Berman again.

j. Magic's over, Kerry Collins. It's Vince Young's turn.

There never was magic, just mediocrity, but the team was winning so the Titans could put up with it.

a. I demand to know why the volume on some television commercials is 30 percent higher than the volume on the regular program. And if I find out it's anything like the sponsors pay more money to get their volume raised, I vow to never buy that advertisers product again.

Oh God. I have the same complaint Peter King does. What gets me is that on some of these television shows they don't talk to each other, they speak in a light whisper in a conversation, then it goes to commercial and everyone in your household is deaf by the yelling. I saw the movie "Traitor" on DVD a couple years ago and it was a great movie but I think the entire damn movie consisted of people whispering to each other in hushed tones.

Ok, that is my "old man" complaint for the day.

c. Coffeenerdness: Earlier this morning, 2:06 a.m. Because my hotel coffee stinks out loud, I get my coffee on the outside.

How dare the free coffee stink? Americans have a right to really good, free coffee at 2am.

d. I wasn't sure it would be possible for the Pam/Jim wedding episode of The Office to be better than I thought, because it was a much-anticipated show.

I didn't really enjoy the YouTube dance thing they did because I thought it was just kind of stupid...but it was saved by Jim's line about Plan A/B/C for the wedding.

I would feel a lot better if I was routing Peter King in the Peter King Challenge. I am keeping to too tight for my liking right now. I am catching up with the group percentile wise in the ESPN Pick 'Em, but Simmons is still having a career year.