Joe Morgan. Consistency.

I have set up a Yahoo Fantasy Football League and those of you who have already expressed interest can feel free to join. Anyone else who wants to join can feel free to do so as well. I am planning on having a 12 team league and I have set up the league like last year's Yahoo league, but am open to any changes. The ID is 269298 and the password is "eckstein."

Last week when we caught up with Joe Morgan he explained to us all how it is easier for a 19 year old catcher to come to the majors and play at a high level as compared to a 19 year old shortstop. In fact, Joe thinks shortstop is the hardest position in baseball for a player who is 19 years old to play at an elite level. Then he topped it all off by saying a catcher just catches the ball and veteran pitchers call their own games. Both statements over-simplify what catchers at the major league level do. Despite the fact Joe has played professional baseball at a high level, he still believed this, contrary to the many quotes from veterans pitchers about their catcher helping them call games.

This week Joe is running a bit late for his chat and displays again that he couldn't give a shit about providing any baseball intellect to his chats nor does he really even care to pay attention to the question asked. Asking Joe a chat question is like being an 8 year old and asking your grandfather a question while he is watching Larry King. Because you are just a gnat to him, he just gives you a quick answer so he can get back to what he was doing previously. Joe just wants to watch "The View" on Tuesdays and doesn't have time for these stupid questions he can't answer. Today Joe avoids chat questions by giving non-answers for a full 25 minutes.

I think ESPN continues having Joe's weekly chat just out of spite.

Buzzmaster: Hang on everyone. Joe's at the airport and will join us in about 10 minutes, as soon as he gets through security.

How can Joe show up late for his weekly chat? Maybe Joe's plane was very, very late. It is every Tuesday at 11am. Build your schedule around this time and be consistent Joe!

Joe at airport security:

(Security officer) "Can you please remove your shoes sir?"

(Joe Morgan) "I bought these shoes at Payless Shoes and got a very good deal on them. I have always said Payless has shoes that are on par with other shoe stores."

(Security officer keeping his composure) "Please remove your shoes sir. This has the potential to be a security risk if you keep them on. You could have a weapon hidden."

(Joe Morgan getting angry) "I don't get what you mean by 'potential.' I don't know what that means at all. I can't really tell you if I am a security risk or not at this point. We will know more after I pass through the metal detectors."

(Security officer calling for help and then pulling Joe aside) "I need you to speak with me sir. Did you leave your bags at any point unattended?"

(Joe Morgan) "I am sure at some point I left my bags unattended. By unattended do you mean I wasn't looking at my bag or I actually left my bag? I'm not sure what you mean."

(Security officer getting angry) "Did you leave the bag and walk away at any point?"

(Joe Morgan) "I don't think I did."

(Security officer) "Please open your bag and tell me if everything is in the bag that was there before you came to the airport."

(Joe Morgan opens bag and looks in quickly) "I can't really tell you if everything is there or not. I won't know until I get home if I have everything I left with. It's too early to tell. I can't really tell you that right now. Why am I being harassed? I am not of Middle Eastern descent, leave me alone!"

(Security officer) "Sir it doesn't matter what descent you are, statistics actually show that---"

(Joe Morgan yelling now) "Statistics! I don't need statistics to tell me anything. I can look at airplane travelers with my eyes and see if they are terrorists or not. I think we all get caught up in statistics too much when people who know other people very well and can view others can tell better if a person is a terrorist. All this technology and statistics doesn't make up for the old security officers who could pick the terrorist out of a crowd of two thousand people. I work for ESPN and I am important. If you will excuse me I have to answer questions being asked of me about baseball by a computer that changes its name depending on the question asked." (Joe storms away)

JM: As we approach the trade deadline, I don't think we're going to see as many stars move as people might think.

Or as Steve Phillips would say, "there are more trades discussed than actually take place."

It's getting more difficult to make those trades now, because most teams want to keep their young players and not give them up to get the veteran players.

One to two days after Joe did this chat, the Phillies traded for Roy Oswalt and a couple days before the chat Dan Haren got traded to the Angels...all for young players. This of course doesn't include the other trades that were made in exchange for prospects at the trade deadline. I don't have data to support this, but I am pretty sure teams have always been careful to keep their young players and not give them up for veteran players. As far as I can remember, teams have always been careful in trading prospects.

Nathan (Missouri)

Hey Joe, Braves to the World Series or do they need more help?

Why do people ask the same question about the Braves to Joe every week? They always ask Joe if the Braves have enough to make the playoffs or World Series. Yes, they need help. They need an outfielder and another bullpen arm for when Bobby Cox tries to use Peter Moylan in 65 games out of the next 70 games. Fortunately, that's why they traded for Kyle Farnsworth. I will reserve comment on Rick Ankiel until I see him play more (now I sound like Joe Morgan).

More importantly they need an outfielder who isn't useless (McLouth), sort of useless (Melky Cabrera, useless against RH pitchers (Matt Diaz) or an infielder by trade (Omar Infante). I keep waking up every damn morning hoping the Braves haven't continued to try and put a band-aid on a gaping wound I feel the team has, but assume they know what they are doing in the front office.

Sure, I'm fine right now. I'm not at all worried about the Phillies, who now have Halladay and Roy Oswalt, along with an incredibly potent offense.

(Bengoodfella vomits)

JM: Every team that's in first place can reach the World Series.

(Bengoodfella continues to vomit)

I'm pretty sure every team that is in first place and continues to be in first place can make the World Series. (Spoiler alert) In fact, every team that makes the playoffs can make the World Series too! Isn't that neat?

If you get into the playoffs, you can make it.

BUT IF YOU MAKE THE NLCS OR ALCS CAN YOU MAKE THE WORLD SERIES???????????

But there's a long way to go. Every team has a weakness. The Braves are the same.

I am a computer disguised as Joe Morgan. Please don't unplug me. I write short sentences that are cut and pasted. From previous chats.

They need a little more consistent offense and their pitching could use a little help.

No, no, no. They don't need a consistent offense. The offense is very consistent. Consistently inferior to what it will may take to win the World Series or even get in the playoffs. The Braves need a stronger offense despite the fact they have good offensive numbers. They may or may not now have a stronger offense after the trade deadline. Stronger is the word we are looking for. Not consistent. I know Joe is afraid of the Inconsistency Monster, but the word "consistent" can't be substituted for words like "stronger," "better," or "less shitty."

Also, the Braves needed one more bullpen arm and don't need a starter, which is what I assumed Joe meant by "pitching." They currently have six starters and don't need another one. Though Kenshin Kawakami can be had for the low price of "make us an offer."

Paul (Boston)

Do you think that the Red Soxs can overcome all their injuries and make a run at the wild card over the next couple months? Who needs to step up to make that happen?

David Ortiz. Person who makes the team better. Offense is better when he hits well. Computer tired.

JM: Boston is going to have to get all of their players healthy and play to their full potential. Tampa Bay and the Yankees are not going to go away.

First off, the Rays nor the Yankees have to go anywhere. They are currently in first and second place in the AL East, so there is really nowhere for them to go. The Red Sox are the team doing the chasing, not the Yankees or Rays.

Why I am arguing semantics with Joe? It's like discussing the plague of world hunger with a 5 year old.

If they can get their starting pitching on line and healthy, they can they be led by their pitching. I don't think their offense is consistent enough to lead them.

The offense isn't consistent (there's that word again) because the offense is what needs to get healthy. Ellsbury and Pedroia have missed large parts of this season. The starting pitching has had injuries, but Joe can't blame the offense for not being consistent when the good players in the offense have been injured this year.

I really think the problem with the Red Sox this year is the games are too long and the Red Sox don't have enough exciting players. I am sure it has nothing to do with the injuries and underperformance of key players.

Kevin (Simsbury, CT)

Joe, now that we have seen 5 no-hitters this season, it is easy to wonder why so many in just over half a season of baseball. As sportsnation asked, do you credit this trend mostly to better pitching talent, weaker hitting, or is are we just whitnessing a fluke here?

JM: Everything goes in cycles in baseball. We've gone from an offensive decade and now maybe we'll go into a pitching era. I don't think the hitters have adjusted yet, but they will.

How will hitters adjust? They will find a way to take less detectable steroids.

Tito (Brooklyn)

Hi Joe. Do you think the Mets should give more playing time to Jeff Francoeur? They've been struggling to score runs since he's been benched for Beltran's return.

Our good friend Tito is back. This has to be a JoeBait question. There's no way Tito could think Francouer deserves more playing time. I just took a shit that has a higher OBP than Jeff Francoeur.

JM: He's been hot and cold all year. He got off to a great start, then he struggled after that long game in St. Louis. Then he got hot again and cold again. He's been very inconsistent.

Apparently Joe had some nightmares about the Inconsistency Monster because he has used the word "consistent" very consistently in this chat.

Francoeur's version of "hot" is this. Hot for Francoeur is a 0.355 OBP, while he is currently at 0.215 for the month of July. So the word "hot" is all relative.

I'm just not sure how much they can get out of Francoeur. I've been a fan of his for a long time, but he's been very up and down this year.

Kudos to Francoeur for being up and down this year. This is better than his normal straight out sucking the entire year.

jordan (missouri)

i know that there i still a lot of baseball to be played but how do you see the NL central shaking out come playoff time?

JM: I think that's a tough call. Obviously, I'm a Reds fan

Well obviously. It is too much to ask for Joe to put aside his personal feelings and broadcast a game or give an opinion without him inserting his own personal biases into his answer. That's just unreasonable to expect the #1 analyst on ESPN to do this.

They have good defense and pitching. I'm not sure about the experience factor. They lost last night on a home run by Jim Edmonds. I definitely think they have the talent to win their division or wild card.

Which of these four sentences don't have a place in Joe giving his answer?

-They have good defense and pitching.

-I'm not sure about the experience factor.

-They lost last night on a home run by Jim Edmonds.

-I definitely think they have the talent to win their division or the wild card.

I'll give you a hint...the sentence about how the Reds lost last night. Joe must have seen something shiny and got distracted.

"The Reds have a pretty good team this year. I think the pitching will carry them for the rest of the season. I can't believe the WB didn't renew 'Melrose Place.' I think the Reds can make the playoffs.

John (Dallas)

Are there any big deals made at the trade deadline this year? Or have we already seen all the excitement for this year? (Lee, Haren)

JM: I don't think we'll see the big trades. I don't think teams are willing to part with the young players. The game is changing and they need to deal from within. I don't think we'll see as many.

I like how Joe types like Dustin Hoffman's character from "Rain Man" talked. He's a very good typist. He doesn't think there will be many trades. Teams have changed the way they do business. He is a very good typist.

They're not as many players out there that can make that big of a difference.

Roy Oswalt got traded two days after Joe made this comment.

Tito (Brooklyn)

How much of a catalyst has Juan Pierre been for the White Sox this year?

Another JoeBait from Tito. It is almost unfair to bait him with a question about Juan Pierre. Of course Joe loves Juan Pierre because "stat-heads" don't like Pierre.

JM: I thought he would be better.

Really? Joe thought Pierre would be better? His OBP is above his career average by a lot, (as pointed out by a commenter, I am wrong about this. His OBP is below his career average. I'm not sure why I got this wrong and then linked it for further proof I was wrong) yet his OPS is way down. Who would have thought a hitter who made outs and had zero power wouldn't start getting on-base and hitting home runs as he gets older?

I'm a big Juan Pierre fan.

So is every team that gets to play against Juan Pierre. He is good at stealing bases though...unless you don't like guys who steal a lot of bases AND get caught a lot.

I actually thought he would have a great season there, because he had such a good season last year with the Dodgers.

Last year Pierre had an OPS+ of 105 and a WAR of 0.2. This was the second time in his career he had an OPS+ above 100.

But he has added that element of speed and I think that's helped in close ball games.

So has the 12 times he has been caught stealing...which does lead the league.

Joe B (Aiter, NY)

Why is the Angels bullpen so inconsistent this year?

I get it this week. Joe B (Aiter, NY) Somehow I missed this in last week's chat.

Unfortunately, this JoeBait question just a template response from the computer that Joe Morgan has become.

No one is consistent. The Angels aren't the only one. Teams aren't consistent.

dave w. (omaha)

You mentioned that things go in cycles (hitting, pitching, etc.). How about umpiring? Is this just a really bad year for umpires, or does MLB need to do something to address this problem?

JM: This may be the best question I've had in a long time.

It is a good question, but this isn't the best question Joe has had in a long time. There have been better questions, but Joe just took a shit all over them by misunderstanding what the questioner was saying or was too lazy to make a prediction or give an answer.

I think we have to hold the umpires more accountable. I think MLB needs to step in and force that to happen. They made a change and Frank Robinson is now in charge of the umpires. He said that there will be some changes. I think we will see some changes.

I think public executions are the only real answer. This should solve the problem of human error on split second calls.

Ed (Saginaw, MI)

Hi Joe. The Tigers are really struggling and now they've been hit HARD by the injury bug. Should they try and acquire another bat (Adam Dunn maybe) or just stay with what they've got and hope a couple of guys get hot?

JM: What they have is not enough right now. They just lost Ordonnez.

The Tigers lost Magglio Ordonez and Ordonnez? Tough week, but at least they have Jhonny Peralta now. I am sure this makes Tigers fans feel better.

Their offense hasn't been that good all year.

Remember this comment that the Tigers offense hasn't been good all year. If the Tigers turn it around and win their division, Joe will say that Miguel Cabrera should be the MVP. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve to be the MVP, I am saying as soon as the Tigers start winning then Joe will think the Tigers have enough offense.

Dave (Columbus)

Any thoughts on why the Reds can lead the league in offensive categories but have everyone go so cold on the ssame night?

JM: The problem is, when you talk about leading the league in runs scored and all of those things, it's realy a lot of averages.

I hope Joe knows that averages involve numbers, which he has a strict sense of duty to fight against the use of.

They have a good offense, but it has not been consistent, especially lately.

Nothing is ever consistent according to Joe Morgan. Does he even know what the word means? Does he think if the same thing doesn't happen the exact same way every single game then a team isn't consistent?

Joe B (Aiter, NY)

Do you think it is easier for a pitcher to win a 1-0 game than it is to win a 6-5 game? If so, why?

JM: That's always been an interesting question. I don't believe that it is. I think it's just as hard to win a 6-5 game.

Of course Joe is wrong about this one. Assuming the pitcher throws a complete game, naturally it is harder to win a game 1-0 because it involves shutting down the opposing team completely, which isn't easy to do. Any one-run game is hard to win, but as a pitcher it is hard to win a game 1-0, as opposed to giving up 5 runs and then having your team score 6 runs for you. I would think giving up zero runs in a game is harder than giving up 5 runs. Much his perception of the duties of a catcher and nearly everything else involving baseball, Joe and I disagree on this issue.

There will be more guys on base and you'll have to make a lot of tough pitches.

Just because a pitcher wins a 6-5 game doesn't mean there were a lot of guys on base. The runs could all have come on a solo home run and a grand slam in one inning. Again, I would think keeping guys off base in a 1-0 game and not letting them score is harder than letting guys on base and making tough pitches will a few runs still score.

In the minors, a pitcher told me that he liked the 1-0 games, because he was on and controlling the game.

He said he liked the 1-0 games because he was pitching well and controlling the game. Is it harder for a pitcher to pitch well and control the game and win 1-0 or pitch decent and let runs score, but get bailed out by your offense? The answer to that seems pretty obvious to many, many people that aren't Joe Morgan.

Looking forward to the trade deadline.

He's looking forward to it despite the fact he thinks nothing of great importance will happen.

We'll know which teams are set after that the rest of the way. I don't think there are many big difference makers out there. We'll see if the GMs agree with me.

If the GMs do agree with Joe on anything, they should be immediately fired.