Joe Morgan Teaches Us The Joe Morgan Method of Broadcasting

I have set up a Yahoo Fantasy Football League and those of you who have already expressed interest can feel free to join. Anyone else who wants to join can feel free to do so as well. I am planning on having a 12 team league and we currently have 8 teams. The ID is 269298 and the password is "eckstein."

I also set up a College Football Pick 'Em League for Yahoo. Personally, this is my second favorite fantasy league because it keeps my interest in college football games. I have set it up against the spread and the games we will be choosing are Top 25 games and games the Yahoo editors choose as "worthy" of being chosen. The ID is 1704 and the password is "asu." Feel free to join and it doesn't take long each week to pick the games, plus it is fun to go against the spread.

Joe Morgan is back for another round of chatting this week. Last week we learned that Joe doesn't really know the definition of the word "consistency," nothing really significant happened at the trade deadline, and Joe has difficulty getting through security at the airport. This week the chat feels like it is taken over by JoeBaiters, and of course Tito from Brooklyn. Joe answers the important questions this week, like how much baseball he watches each week...actually Joe lies about how much baseball he watches and expects us to believe him.

Let's be consistently consistent and get to the chat.

JM: After the trading deadline, it seems the Yankees did more to help themselves in the pennant race than anyone else.

The Yankees have gotten stronger because they traded for a backup outfielder, an injury prone reliever, and a first baseman who is going to end up being the DH most of the time. These moves impressed Joe much more than the Phillies trading for Oswalt, the Rangers trading for Cliff Lee or the Padres trading for another bat in Ryan Ludwick. Who cares these moves filled holes on each respective team? Now the Yankees have better backups than those teams do.

But that remains to be seen, because most of the players that were traded will have to perform better for their new teams than they were performing for their old teams in order to make an impact.

(Joe intentionally trying to blow everyone's mind with this mind-altering remark)

"The Red Sox are the best team in the American League East. Of course this may not be true because they will have to play better than they have all year long to make this true."

"This car is the safest car currently on the road. This will only be true if the engine stops spontaneously bursting into flames."

"Yes dear, I think it is fine if you drink the rest of the Mountain Dew. This is only true if it turns out I did not urinate in the 2-liter bottle."

So now Joe can't even give his opinion on who got the best of trade deadline without hedging in some way. So the Yankees did more to help themselves than any other team, but only if the players they traded for perform better than they have performed? So really, (all together now) we don't know who improved their team the most at the trade deadline?

If the Yankees got better only if the players they traded for perform better than they were previously, wouldn't this criteria work for any team that traded for players at the trade deadline? If Dan Haren goes 6-0 with a 2.34 ERA for September or if Ryan Ludwick posts a 1.000 OPS over August and September, couldn't the Angels or Padres have gotten the best of the trade deadline?

Oswalt's record wasn't good. Berkman wasn't good. Lilly's record.

Here goes Joe starting to write sentence fragments and just giving up. He's like a lazy Bill Plaschke.

I love how he just throws "Lilly's record" in there. It's the sentence fragment to end all sentence fragments.

Most of the players that can make an impact will have to improve on their first half performances.

How dare you not hit the ball better while you are at-bat Roy Oswalt! Your 3.53 ERA, 1.126 WHIP and ERA+ of 117 is an embarrassment to pitchers everywhere because you only won 6 games this year and have had 17 runs of support in your 13 losses this year, including your team being shut out four times while you were pitching. May God lack mercy on your soul and may you rot in Hell for eternity for not hitting better and giving yourself more run support.

Josh S. (Philly)

How much trouble are the phillies in if howard has to go on the dl?

What about Matt Holliday? Huh, Josh S. from Philly? Isn't his contract large also? Why don't people get on Holliday for not being worth the contract he signed? Everyone talks about Ryan Howard but what about Matt Holliday. Ryan Howard does everything a first baseman is supposed to do. He drives in runs, hits home runs and leads his team to the World Series.

That's my best Joe Morgan impression when he is asked about Ryan Howard...minus the spelling errors of course.

JM: He has been the one that has led the Phillies back to the World Series. If he's out for any extended length of time, they won't have any chance.

Howard was put on the DL for 15 days. If Howard is out any longer than that...you heard it hear first! Joe Morgan thinks the Phillies won't have any chance now! It's over! The season is over, pack your bags and just give up Phillies fans!

I think the Phillies will be fine even if Howard misses three weeks or so. They have enough offense and they are playing very, very, very well right now.

Clay D (NY)

Who is the best manager in the NL out of the current playoff teams?

JM: A few years ago, I wrote a book

That book? "Consistency: It's Not Just About Pooping Anymore."

I am kidding of course, the title of the book writes the joke for me. It was "Baseball For Dummies." Needless to say Joe was the first choice to write the book.

and listed my top 5 managers: Dusty Baker, Bobby Cox, Joe Torre, Tony LaRusa and I think the fifth was Cito Gaston.

What? I think I accidentally copied and pasted the wrong name. Let's try that again.

and listed my top 5 managers: Dusty Baker, Bobby Cox, Joe Torre, Tony LaRusa and I think the fifth was Cito Gaston.

Dammit, there it is again. Something must be wrong with my copy and paste function because Dusty Baker's name keeps appearing on this list.

So, in the NL, Baker, Cox and Torre are the best managers.

The best manager. Singular. Not managers, but "manager." Pick one manager out of these three...and don't include Dusty Baker.

Along with Tony LaRusa.

Did J.R. Richards steal the letter "s" from Tony LaRussa's last name and put it at the end of his name in Joe's world?

Clay D (NY)

Other than St. Louis, which team in either league has the best pitching staff for the post-season?

JM: First of all, I don't think St. Louis has the best pitching. They have the best two or three guys, but then where do you go?

Umm...the next round of the playoffs? Joe does hopefully realize in the playoffs only the top three or four pitchers pitch for each team right? The games are spaced so far apart the pitchers can usually pitch on normal rest if there is a four-man rotation used. So the answer to "but then where do you go," is that you wouldn't go much further through the rotation.

I think the Reds have the best pitching with the least amount of pitching experience.

Yes, but which team has the best pitching with the most amount of intermediate pitching experience? Which team has the best pitching with the least amount of pitching experience, but the most amount of skee-ball experience?

I'm not sure no matter how much you narrow the criteria down Cincinnati would be the right answer here. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how much experience the Reds pitching has, the Cardinals have statistically better pitching than the Reds. The Reds have a fairly young pitching staff, but a young staff doesn't ensure postseason success.

They're not as good as Carpenter or Wainwright, but they have 5 good starters. Depth wise, I think the Reds have the best depth.

That's great and really isn't true, but that doesn't matter. In the playoffs, depth from a pitching staff doesn't matter if you have two pitchers that can pitch on short rest and pitch well. Look at the Yankees last year with Sabathia and Pettitte, the Phillies the year before with Hamels, and the Red Sox with Beckett the year before that.

Depth in starting pitching is great, but depth in starting pitching doesn't matter as much in the postseason usually.

Tito (Brooklyn)

What did you think of all of the Dodger trades? Isn't Ryan Theriot actually a slight downgrade from Blake DeWitt at 2B?

It's a definite downgrade. I don't know if it is slight or not.

Theriot is 30 years old, makes $2.6 million, and has hit .278/.314/.320 with 1 home run this year.

DeWitt is 24 years old, makes $410,000 and has hit .273/.352/.375 with 1 home run this year.

Just from looking at the trade, the Dodgers took on a more expensive player and downgraded from what DeWitt provided. Naturally, Joe doesn't see it this way.

Theriot is a guy that consistently hits for a good average and they felt that they would give him a shot. That's a toss up, but obviously the Dodgers didn't think so.

This year he barely hits consistently for average more than DeWitt and he gets on-base less than DeWitt does. I think the key to this trade was obviously Ted Lilly...or as Joe calls him, "Lilly's record."

It is not even a toss-up really. I know Lilly was the main guy in the trade, but just comparing Theriot and DeWitt shows that 9 out of 10 GMs would probably prefer to have DeWitt at this point.

Matt (Pittsburgh)

Joe, in your experiences playing and covering the game, would you agree or disagree with ozzie guillen's comments?

Joe Morgan: Master of International Relations

Remember when Dice-K came from Japan, not only did they bring interpretors, but they brought chefs, but they also got him memberships in the top country clubs in the Boston area. Same deal with Matsui when he came to the Yankees. I think that's one of the things he's referring to.

They also brought interpreters (not interpretors). I know Joe is chatting and typing fast, but do you really think he knows how to spell interpreters even if given three minutes to spell it correctly?

The thing with those guys was that they were already professionals. With some of the Latino players, they're younger and they're not going to spend that kind of money without knowing how they will perform in the big leagues.

Nobody knows how the players coming from Japan will perform either. For every Hideki Matsui you have Kaz Matsui and for every Daisuke Matsuzaka you have Kenshin Kawakami or Hideki Irabu. Professionals or not, we don't know how those guys are going to perform in the majors. So saying these no one knows how the Latino players will perform in the majors can also be a statement that goes for Japanese players as well.

For example, I once thought that there weren't enough African-American managers in the game. I went and talked to the commissioner and he agreed with me. They then put in a rule that whenever there was an opening, they had to interview an African-American for the job.

Joe Morgan singlehandedly changed the minority hiring process in baseball...by himself...in one meeting with the commissioner.

But I disagree with others, for instance, him saying that he's the only one trying to help the Latin players. That's a joke. There are many people trying to help them.

I understand what both parties are saying, but Latin players often enter the majors in different fashion and than many of the Asian-born players do. There are more camps and opportunities for Latin-born players to be seen by MLB scouts when they are young. There are just two different scenarios for Asians and Latin-American-born players and I don't think it is easy to compare them.

Shane (TX)

Do you think Roy Oswalt will help the Phillies? I mean he has more losses than wins this year and JA Happ has a winning record for the Phils. Seems like it's a downgrade.

I had such high hopes for this JoeBait question and then Joe became a computer and recited nonsense.

"Roy Oswalt is a great pitcher. When he is healthy he is one of the best pitchers in the league. The Phillies liked him better than Happ. Please exit all windows and reboot."

Tito (Brooklyn)

Cole Hamels only has 7 wins this year. Why do you think he is struggling so much this year?

JM: He had an injury early in the year and he never really got his confidence back to where it was the year before. I think pitchers who throw basically fastball and changeups - which is also the problem I see in Santana in New York - need a third speed or hitters will adjust. Santana had that third speed when he had his slider, but he doesn't any more and now the hitters have adjusted.

Ignoring that Joe answers this question mostly in regard to Johan Santana (why does he do this?), he seems to also indicate that Cole Hamels throws two pitches and needs a third pitch or batters will adjust. Naturally, while Joe's mind is wandering to a different player than the player asked in the question, he is still wrong in his answer.

Cole Hamels has three pitches. In fact, his third pitch, which is a curveball, is probably as well known as his changeup. Hamels has a sort of sweeping curveball that he has used effectively in the past. A person who has watched two games where Hamels has pitched would know about the curveball that Hamels throws. So he is not a two-pitch pitcher because he has a third pitch which he has used effectively in the past. I am not sure what Joe thinks he is talking about.

Ryan (syracuse, NY) [via mobile]

When do you think A Rod will hit his 600th home run?

Ryan is asking for a prediction from Joe. This will never happen.

JM: It could be the first swing today or the last swing today.

So it will be today? Is that a prediction from Joe? I think Joe Morgan accidentally made a prediction. He thought he was giving a non-answer, but he actually made a prediction. I am sure Joe looked back on this chat in shame at having accidentally said something of substance.

Of course Joe was wrong, it was the next day when A-Rod hit his 600th home run.

I'm sure he will get it, but knowing when is anybody's guess.

But it will be between the first swing today and the last swing today.

Tito (Brooklyn)

Joe, how much prep work do you put in before a broadcast of a game for ESPN?

(Joe Morgan looking confused at the screen because he isn't sure what "ESPN" actually is...then he realizes it is the network he works for and he can't avoid this question, so Joe does the only other thing available to him. He lies.)

JM: I'm a fan all during the week. I'm sitting here reading the box scores and reading about all the teams and not just the two on Sunday.

Yet, when a specific question about a player is asked of Joe he often can't answer the question because he doesn't have enough knowledge or hasn't seen that player play to give an opinion. Then he claims to be a fan all week and read through box scores. I guess he could look through box scores and still claim to not have seen a player play.

So Joe is a fan all week and reads box scores, but notice that he won't say he actually watches any of the teams other than who he is covering for that week.

As we get closer to the game, I'll watch their game on Friday, so I can see how they're doing with my own eyes. Then I watch what happens on Saturday while traveling to the game.

So essentially Joe Morgan the only games Joe Morgan watches during the week is the games between the two teams he will be covering on Sunday evening? He reads box scores, which really tell him very little because he hates statistics, then he watches one or two games, and then he covers the game on Sunday.

Do you think it would be fair to say Joe during the week the only games Joe watches are the teams he will be covering on Sunday? I think this may be fair to say.

Then I narrow it down to a couple of individuals on the team to watch, who is hot and who is not.

I like how Joe leaves this completely open ended. Once he narrows these individuals down, what does he do then? Does he follow those players, only pay attention to those players, make sure to discuss those players? How does he prepare for the broadcast in reference to these hot or cold players?

Joe B ((Aiter, NY))

Do you think the Dodger offense is really bad right now because Manny Ramirez is on the DL?

JM: That's a big part of it. He was swinging the bat very well before he got injured this last time. But if you look, Ethier got off to a great start before getting injured. Only Loney has been consistent in terms of driving in runs. Everyone else is below their norms. Matt Kemp hasn't taken the step forward I thought he would.

It helps Loney's "consistency" that he has played in 20 more games than Andre Either has played in. Despite missing those 20 games, Ethier has five less RBI's this year than Loney does. So really, when Either has been healthy, he has been more "consistent" than James Loney...it's just that Loney has been healthy all year.

Joe Morgan is actually right. James Loney has been consistent this year. He has been consistently barely above average all year long. He hasn't had a great month or a terrible month, but has been the epitome of what Joe Morgan believes is consistent. So while Loney has been consistent, Ethier has been the better player overall. I wonder if Joe Morgan realizes that being consistent isn't always a good thing.

Ben Goodfel (LA)

Why didn't the Reds make a move at the deadline?

My imposter asks a question. I guess if at any point someone will try to assume your identity you want it to be during an ESPN chat asking a JoeBait question.

I have to admit, it is a very creative use of the name to use "LA" at the end. I am impressed.

JM: I know they tried. A lot of teams try to make deals and can't get it done. The Yankees were probably the only team that went out and got the deals they wanted done.

I am sure the Phillies are distraught they got Roy Oswalt at the deadline, the Padres are upset they got Ludwick, and the Cardinals are upset they got Jake Westbrook for very little (though I have to say I think the Cardinals may regret trading a bat for a pitcher at some point). The Yankees got what they wanted, but how much did Kearns, Berkman, and Wood really improve the team compared to the Angels getting Haren or the Phillies getting Oswalt?

Jon (NY)

As a player, how did it feel to play in a blowout? Generally, I feel like both teams just want to get the game over with so they mail in their at-bats. As a player, how did you react?

JM: It's difficult, but you have to push yourself like it's a 0-0 game, as far as your concentration is concerned. I don't think you should be jumping into walls, but you should still be concentrated on that game.

There we go. Joe hasn't messed up the word "concentrate" in a while and now he uses it in the wrong tense for the sentence he wrote. You shouldn't be "concentrating" on the game, but the player should have "concentrated" on the game. Joe is always messed the word "concentrate" up in some fashion, even when he isn't misspelling it.

Drew (Franklin Lakes, NJ)

Are you able to get a read on this Mets squad? And Big Pelf -- he seems like he's a 'tale of 2 tapes...'

JM: I don't think anybody can get a read on this Mets team. I saw them at the beginning of the season and they looked horrible. Then they got hot and played great. But now they're not playing well again. Santana has not been the Santana that we've been accustomed too.

Of course Joe is asked about Mike Pelfrey and he answers the question by not mentioning Pelfrey at all and talking about Johan Santana. This is the second time he has been asked about a specific pitcher and talked about Johan Santana in this chat. This is a Joe Morgan staple. Ignore the question asked and talk about what you want to talk about.

On a side note, has anyone noticed that Johan Santana has pitched worse since he came to the National League? He's still good, and injuries (as well as age...though he is only 31) have caused him some problems, but I just thought it was interesting since it is generally thought that the players moving from the AL to the NL will pitch better. Santana is still a great pitcher, but it just so happens his numbers declined in some ways due to injuries once he got to the National League.

They're also one of those teams that should have picked up another starting pitcher, but they didn't do it.

Previously in this chat, Joe said this:

It is not easy just to make deals with contracts being what they are and free agency. It's much more difficult than it was before.

I like how Joe says it is hard for a team to improve itself at the trade deadline in the era of free agency and then criticizes a team for not improving itself at the trade deadline. This doesn't seem slightly contradictory at all.

Tito (Brooklyn)

Joe do you think Joey Votto is the MVP of the NL right now?

Tito from Brooklyn may very well be a historically successful Joe chatter. He should own a wing in the Joe Morgan Chat Hall of Fame.

JM: No. I think it's yet to be decided who's the MVP of the NL.

Obviously the award hasn't been given out yet. Pretending that it was scientifically possible to project who is on pace to perhaps win the MVP of the NL based on each player's statistics as of today, if it was possible to use our knowledge today to predict into the future, if the season ended today and we had to name an MVP of the NL...whowouldbeyourchoiceforMVPoftheNL?

We don't know what Pujols will do down the stretch.

We don't know what Joey Votto will do either. We don't know if Votto's plane will be overtaken by terrorists and then Pujols will die in a valiant attempt to hop onto the plane while in mid-air, leaving Adrian Gonzalez and a noble stewardess played by David Wright to try and take over the terrorist-overtaken plane so we can rescue Votto. If they all die in this rescue attempt, WE DON'T KNOW WHO WOULD BE MVP!

Assuming none of this happens, and because we don't know what any player will do for the rest of the season, whowouldbeyourchoiceforMVPoftheNL?

The MVP is always Pujols' to lose.

Pujols is a great player, but this is a dumb statement. It isn't always his to lose.

If he gets hot and leads the Cardinals to the division and the playoffs, he wins it. But Votto could do the same.

So whichever team wins the NL Central, their first baseman will be the MVP of the National League? I don't think I have to explain (again) that simply because a player's team wins their division, and that player is the best player on that team, he would be the Most Valuable Player.

What if Votto is the only Reds player hitting well in September and he singlehandedly keeps the Reds in the race, yet they still lose to the Cardinals because Pujols and Holliday were hot...does that really mean Votto was less valuable to his team than Pujols? It doesn't mean that.

I don't think any team really changed their fortunes at the trading deadline.

Great, then that means Joe Morgan knows what will happen over the last two months of the season and can give us predictions?

I think the biggest trade was with Cliff Lee, but even he hasn't been dominant with the Rangers.

Unless you want to count a 2.63 ERA, 37 strikeouts, 3 walks, 0.857 WHIP and a 166 ERA+ with Texas as dominant. Which I do, but for some reason Joe Morgan doesn't.

I'm not sure that the trades that were made will have the effect that teams expect or wanted the trades to have. But that's why baseball is such a great sport, we'll have to wait and see.

But we also have the ability to project what may happen using our knowledge of baseball. This is a talent that Joe Morgan either doesn't have or absolutely refuses to use.