Randy Hill Helps the World Avert Another Crisis

Do you believe in jinxes? Randy Hill does. Do you think the reason some teams don't make it back to the Super Bowl year after year has more to do with what the difficulty of getting to the Super Bowl in the first place entails? Randy Hill disagrees. Do cutesy columns about jinxes not belong on major sports websites? Randy Hill disagrees. Do you believe the Patriots are going to make the playoffs? Randy Hill agrees. Do I understand this column or what point Randy Hill was trying to prove? No.

http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/8186744/Jinx-has-its-work-cut-out-for-it-in-Patriots

Randy's article begins with the word "jinx" in it, which we all know does not exist, so this article is obviously tongue in cheek and he is going to mock the jinx. Right?

I understand and appreciate your distaste for the New England Patriots.

If you did, you would know it is not a distaste.

Maybe the word distaste is an understatement and should be replaced by the words screaming hatred.

I think my previous thought was that they could burn in Hell forever, but screaming hatred works for me. What is the point of your article?

With that in mind, I'm here to assist in building a reasonable case against the Patriots relative to their potential success during the upcoming season. Unfortunately, we have some work to do; according to the sharpies in Vegas, the Pats are favored to win the next Super Bowl.

I am not suing the Patriots for being a good team, I hate them for it, that and cheating, and also being douchebags, so there is no need to build a case. Oh, they are also douchebags who have bandwagon fans, I forgot that part. So this article is tongue in cheek, I think. He references how Vegas is always wrong. So, there is no need to "work" to build a case, we can just let fate take care of it's self?

But the anti-Patriots crowd may have karma on its side.

We have karma, Vegas always being wrong, AND a jinx. This is like a Fox Sports column version of a Science Fiction movie. If we had the Force, then and only then, would I feel good about the Patriots not making the playoffs next year. Also, if they weren't the best team in the league right now on paper, that would make me cuddle with my blankie tighter at night as well.

By the way, what the fuck is this "jinx?" If you are going to start a column off about a jinx, generally you want to define the jinx at some point.

Yeah, that would be the not-quite-infallible jinx attached to NFL teams returning to action following a Super Bowl defeat. With recent history as our touchstone, please note that six of the last seven Super Bowl losers failed to make the playoffs the following season.

Thanks Randy, and your fly is open.

So the jinx is that six of the last seven Super Bowl losers failed to make the playoffs the next year? I would agree and say this is odd but think it may have more to do with the parity in pro football and is a reminder of how hard it is to put together a good team year after year. Or it could be a magical jinx. Your fly is still open.

While acknowledging that it would seem impossible for the Patriots to sink to those levels, let's take a look at the potential categories defining their potential (though slim) for demise:

Although New England's candid-camera activities cost the franchise a first-round draft choice, the hit was mitigated because the San Francisco 49ers had coughed up a first-round pick to the Pats the year before. Commissioner Roger Goodell destroyed the video evidence, and despite recent allegations of injured-reserve shenanigans, the Patriots' greatest sanctions may already be in the rearview mirror.

That's it. The potential for demise is increased because they were not affected by the punishment the league gave them and the issue has been taken care of and should not affect the team in any way? You don't understand what you are writing. Put down the Natural Light and re-read the sentence you just wrote.

(Randy Hill as a doctor): "I am afraid it looks bad for little Tommy. He is bleeding internally and he may lose his leg due to the blood loss."

(Timmy's mother) "Where does he stand doc? Will he be able to walk again?"

(Dr. Randy Hill) "Fortunately, we stopped the internal bleeding and he is in the recovery room right now running sprints."

(Timmy's mother) "I thought you said..."

(Dr. Randy Hill) "We'll just pray the blood loss does not affect him too much. He is touch and go."
OK, losing cornerback Asante Samuel is good for the anti-Patriots crowd, but draft wonks believe the Pats did well (second-round pick Terrence Wheatley) at replenishing the DB pool. Never underestimate this franchise's ability to almost always develop its existing talent. Observers hoping the Pats' aging linebacker corps will become a liability grudgingly admit the addition of Jerod Mayo with the Niners' pick was a swell move. Adalius Thomas and newcomer Victor Hobson aren't exactly ready for the seniors' tour.

So are you being sarcastic and saying there is no way the Patriots miss the playoffs? Then you should have called the article, "Why there is no jinx and the Patriots will be in the playoffs" and specifically began the sentence before this list with this heading, "Turning the negatives for the Patriots to return to the playoffs into positives."

Here's the problem Randy. We have no idea if Wheatley is good and no one is going to know if Mayo is any good because he has not played a game yet either. So just saying these players are going to be good does not prove your point, whatever the hell that point you are trying to make is.

So you wrote the article as tongue in cheek saying the Patriots have nothing to worry about in making the playoffs, and then bring up points why they could not make the playoffs but not actually include any reasons why they would not make the playoffs in these points. Are we on the same page?

Jerod Mayo may be Jesus in cleats but you can't just assume he will be great and say, "See, they have nothing to worry about," and end it with that. Maybe Victor Hobson and Adalius Thomas are not old but the other two LBs they have are. Who the fuck is Victor Hobson?

OK, so the loss of this future Hall-of-Fame quarterback could be our last gasp at making an argument against the Pats' playoff return. It would help if EA Sports put Brady's likeness on the cover of Madden '09, but his absence must be part of some conspiracy.

I get it now, Randy is mocking Patriot haters! Funny shit Randy! So this whole article was written to mock people like myself who hope the Patriots miss the playoffs? You are pathetic and the sad part is I read your article like nine times and still don't know exactly what the hell it says.

After sifting through our four Pats-demise categories, it seems obvious that keeping New England out of the playoffs would require more mojo than this prevailing jinx can muster.

You said nothing negative about them in any your "demise" categories about the Patriots. How about these "demise" categories that happened to a couple other teams that did not make the playoffs. These could all happen to the Pats, but it would not be a jinx, it would just be how football is:

1. They end the season with 14 players on the IR (Panthers- 2004)
2. They lose their quarterback for the majority of the season (Eagles- 2005)
3. The entire team gets old at the exact same time (Raiders - 2003)

See, it does not have to be odd jinx that you just made up that explains everything, it can just be bad luck. Stop the jinx talk and begin writing articles that are coherent. I think you look like Randy Quaid a little bit.