Woody...Woody...Woody...

I am bringing the subject up one more time about Buzz Bissinger and his complaints that blogs bring down journalism. Woody Paige is proof you can't bring something down that is already down. This article is horseshit. Woody has done the same thing every sports fan who has a beer, 5 minutes and an opinion has done. In this article, nothing separates him from a 15 year old kid who knows nothing about sports...except this is Woody's job/career and he is supposed to fucking know something. Or anything. This post is rated R.

http://www.denverpost.com/rockies/ci_9441007

The Rockies are playing dreadful and acting frightened, as if they saw a white sapote-headed alien with Eddie Cantor eyes.

What the fuck? At least it is not some shitty rhyme he usually uses.

These tough times demand difficult decisions.
Matt Holliday, on the disabled list, is not the problem, but he won't be the solution.

I would agree. Usually getting your injured best player back is not the answer. Usually getting the same player who was second in the MVP vote is not the answer. Usually one of the best hitters in the National League is not the answer. This does not make sense! Write and fucking read what you are saying and think, "does this make any fucking sense?" If the answer is no, then don't write it and ask the manatees for more key words.

This year is over for the Skid Rox. They can't wait for next season to get here. They also can't wait for next season to get nothing in return for the great left fielder.

Isn't he on a 2 year deal? How about you don't panic and look to trade him next year. Why the hell can't they wait for if they suck so bad Woody? You are so frustrating.

Trading Holliday is not a popular proposal, and can be argued, but, in my opinion, it's reality, and the right move to make. The ownership cannot afford to tie up $40 million in three position players, and hitters can be found for Coors Field. Ask Dante Bichette.

It is not popular because it is fucking stupid. This is like saying, "chopping your legs off with an ax is not a popular move, but it is the right move to make because you can't find any parking at Target and there are 2,000 handicapped parking spaces available every time you go there." $40 million three position players? Why not? He is your best hitter and do not compare Holliday to Dante Bichette, you can't just replace Holliday with anyone.

Here's where Woody is in "45 year old drunk guy at the bar" mode. Just start naming shit the Rockies should do fuckhead.

During spring training, a Rockies minor-league manager (who was being positive, not critical) told me the organization's crop of prospects soon "will be backed up," and the franchise's fathers are too proud of those prospects to let them go in deals.

Are they better than Holliday? If not, trade them, since prospects pan out to be MVP hitters almost never. If they are, then skip to my fucking loo trade Holliday for some good prospects and in a hurry because if the Rockies are going nowhere fast as Woody says, they need to get there fucking quickly.

The Rockies were good and lucky during a couple of months that ended in "ber" last year, and the National League pennant will fly for- ever in LoDo. But for most of the months that end in "ril," "ay," "une," "uly" and "ust" the past 11 years, the Rockies have been bad (below .500) and unlucky.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. This is the journalism that Buzz wants to protect from bloggers. I don't want to offend mentally handicapped people by comparing them to Woody, but this is fucking retarded. This is like someone shit this sentence out and then because it wasn't useless enough asked their 5 year old cousin if they thought it was "silly," found out it was and wrote it. If I ever wrote a sentence like this and then put my name behind a column, I would hang myself. I am not kidding, this is a crock of shit sentence and Woody Paige should be fired for putting horseshit like this is in a paper. This is a mockery of journalism. This sentence makes baby Jesus cry.

He should have won the Most Valuable Player award last season, but he would be the Most Valuable Pickup for another club this season. And the Rockies would get Something Large for their Big Bat.

How the fuck do people look you in the eye you big goofball of a douchebag? Do the other writers at the Denver Post walk around and look at you like they hate you? It is not because you are on television sometimes, it is because you are bringing journalism down. If you want to do standup, get a puppet and a bow tie, if you want to be a journalist, be one and don't make up stupid fucking rhymes and capitalize letters randomly.

Holliday would be a significant addition for Cleveland, and the Rockies also could send best friend Garrett Atkins or Brad Hawpe.

Send his best friend! Then he won't be so lonely. Actually send the whole damn team so Woody Paige does not have a team to cover and I won't get so angry at him. What in the hell would the Rockies get back Woody?

In exchange, the Rockies could seek starting pitcher Cliff Lee (8-1, 1.88 ERA and four superb pitches), a middle reliever and an outfield prospect. The Rox, depending on the second player in the deal, play Ian Stewart at third or in left, and Ryan Spilborghs becomes a full-time starting outfielder who could be the next Holliday.

Cliff Lee has had one good half year, so go get him! A middle reliever, like who? This is your job Woody, to cover teams and tell the Rockies in your modest proposal who to get back. An OF prospect? In my research to tear you a new butthole I looked that one up. The highest rated OF by John Sickels he ranks as a B-. It is just a rating, I give you that, but you want to trade your All Star OF for a middle reliever, a pitcher who has had half a good season, and a 4th OF?

Ian Stewart does need to play, I can get behind that, but Spillborghs is going to be 30 in a year and a half so he better fucking hurry if he wants to be Holliday. Not only do you want to trade Holliday for shit in return, you want to have a bench player replace him...or a rookie. Brilliant Woody.

Or, consider: The Rockies acquire Cleveland pitcher C.C. Sabathia...

Isn't he a free agent after this year?

Sabathia will be a free agent at the conclusion of the season. But it would make sense for dollars to the proven 27-year-old left-hander — probably close to $100 million over five years. He would be precious for years for the Rockies' pitching staff.

So it is fine to spend $40 million in payroll on three players if one of them is a pitcher? Also, Sabathia is going to want more years and money than that Woody. Just a hint to you, to put in your back pocket when you want to make more shit up. Why would he be precious for years? Remember the Rockies are going nowhere this year or the next, so trade everyone. That is what you indicated. Do you pay attention to any-fucking-thing you write? This does not make sense. Your initial premise was the Rockies could not afford Holliday, but now they can afford a player who plays every 5 days?

How about the Blue Jays, the Tigers, the Braves, the Mariners, the Cardinals, the Rangers (who have two starting pitchers available — and the injured Jason Jennings — or the A's (Rich Harden, and they flip Holliday next season).

(Deep breath) No, they need pitching, they need pitching, never happen, they don't want Holliday, and they need pitching. Here is the big one. The A's. Here is my question Woody, and I say it in a soft kind hearted voice. Why the hell would the A's trade Rich Harden for a player that makes a lot of money this year and next year in the hopes they could trade him? This makes no fucking sense. Since when have the A's traded for high priced players? WHEN???? Supposed Holliday gets injured and they can't trade him next year. Now they have gotten ZERO for Harden. If you are rebuilding you don't want high priced players on your team, you trade those players, not trade for them. Repeat after me, trade them, not trade for them.

The Giants? Holliday would be The New Left Fielder, and perhaps the Rockies could pry Tim Lincecum, and others, away from them.

Oh Jesus. Why would the Giants trade a young pitcher they can control for years for a player that is going to make a lot of money in two years? They are not going to do this. Remember how well the Giants and Scott Boras worked together last time? There would be a 0 percent chance Holliday got resigned in San Francisco and then a rebuilding team would, again, not have gotten anything for a young pitcher. Meanwhile they would have to play the Rockies 20 times a year while they ride Tim Lincecum to the playoffs like he is a 14 year old at an R Kelly party. I am not even a Rockies fan and this has angered me. I have to take my blood pressure I am leaving now. But remember, I hate you. You are single handedly bringing journalism down.