Messin' With Ross Tucker and a Peter King Follow Up

I am waiting for Gregg Easterbrook to put out his TMQ, but in the meantime I figured, like any good bully, I would pick on Ross Tucker and make fun of his brilliant observations. Hopefully Peter will be done Tweeting and actually have his MMQB-Tuesday out by the time I am done with this and then because it takes me a full day to digest Easterbrook's ramblings I can tackle him at a very soon to be later date.

Ross Tucker doesn't give every team a grade, that's pointless he says, so he picks arbitrary categories like "Loved It" or "Didn't Love It Or Hate It" as a much more accurate form of displaying what he thought about each team's draft.

Giving a draft grade for each team the day after the draft is a fruitless exercise. It takes a minimum of three years before a draft can be revisited and evaluated to determine how productive a team was with its selections.

Giving an arbitrary letter grade is much stupider than giving an arbitrary phrase indicating how you liked a team's draft. In three years the Falcons draft may not be an A-, but Ross Tucker's grade of "Love It," still holds up..according to him. One reason Ross Tucker gets his articles bookmarked by me is that he shrugs off one subjective arbitrary category using letter grades to grade how teams did in the NFL draft to use a completely different subjective arbitrary category to grade how NFL teams did in the NFL draft.

Loved It

This is category one. I don't mean to assume but when Tucker says he "loved it," I am assuming that means an "A" was received.

Baltimore Ravens: The Wizard of Oz, GM Ozzie Newsome, does it again by entering the draft with no glaring needs and getting tremendous value at every selection.

No glaring needs other than another good WR, an improved OL, younger CB, and backups at LB and DE. Other than that, yes nothing sticks out.

Cincinnati Bengals: Marvin Lewis is tired of trying to play finesse football in the black and blue division. Instead of running from the bullies in the schoolyard in Baltimore and Pittsburgh, the Bengals are going to hit them in the mouth with Alabama tackle Andre Smith and USC linebacker Rey Maualuga.

Then Smith will attempt to digest the fallen player whole while Maualuga dances behind him...but later apologizes.

Instead of running from bullies they chose a group of players with character/motivation issues. That's a route they have never been down before.

Philadelphia Eagles: They got arguably the best receiver in the draft, Jeremy Maclin, at No. 19

This is only arguable because it is clearly not true. Michael Crabtree is a better receiver and Percy Harvin would have been picked before Maclin if he had not smoked pot before the Combine.

Oh, and did I mention they got the most talented left tackle in the league in Jason Peters via trade

Yesterday we had the TRADE OF THE YEAR and today we have Jason "11.5 sacks allowed last year" Peters as the most talented left tackle in the league. I am starting to wonder if the columnists at CNNSI.com are starting to lose their minds.

Hated It

This is arbitrary category #2.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers:

The Bucs still need a defensive tackle, though I am sure they hope Roy Miller from Texas can fill that role.

Considering he is listed as a DT, I would certainly guess the Bucs are not planning on trying him out at wide receiver, and are, in fact, hoping he can play the defensive tackle position.

Didn't Love It Or Hate It

This is arbitrary category #3.

You're Gonna Do What?

Arbitrary category #4. Oh shit, now Ross Tucker is not even using categorical phrases, but using phrases in the form of questions to describe how teams did. I thought for sure the Bengals would get their own category of "Why Did You Drive Drunk and Then Get In A Fight?" but they didn't.

Oakland Raiders:

First-round pick Darrius Heyward-Bey is fast but has trouble catching the ball at times, which is kind of a problem when you are trying to make your living as an NFL receiver.

If Bill Simmons wrote her, he would say, "Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Oakland Raiders." I am not kidding, I thought about the format of http://www.euthanizealdavis.com/ earlier this morning and already have the background picked out for the site. I am not sure if everyday I would post something else about Al Davis that should piss the Raiders fan base off or what, but after reading the Raider's message board yesterday, they need an intervention ASAP. I feel like I would doing a public service by starting this site for the Raiders fans everywhere.

New York Jets: Everyone else loves what the Jets did. Not me. It is hard for me to imagine USC quarterback Mark Sanchez being better as a rookie than fourth-year vet Kellen Clemens.

Exactly.

The pressure on Sanchez will be huge for a team whose roster is ready to win now. Drafting only three players means the team is looking to get into the postseason.

Ex-freaking-actly. Though I mock Ross Tucker for stating the obvious a lot, I am glad he stated the obvious here. I think it needed to be said...at least in my opinion.

Need More Information

Arbitrary category #5. Really every single draft pick made could go under this heading and every single grade could be "Need More Information" since none of the players have ever played a single down in the NFL. I digress though...

Jacksonville Jaguars: Jack Del Rio was tired of drafting guys who didn't pan out.

As opposed to Dan Snyder and Al Davis who just can't seem to get enough of it.

New York Giants

You can't tell me Nicks and Barden will be better than Anquan Boldin or Braylon Edwards the next two years. By the time the rookies develop, the window on the Giants' title hopes might be closed.

I obviously can't predict the future (if you don't believe me, just look at my New Orleans-Denver series prediction), but I don't think the Giants window is going to close in two years. Except on the offensive line, which is not that old, the Giants have a pretty young team at the skill positions of QB, RB, WR, DE, and CB. I think both players would have made sense for the Giants, but I would actually argue they helped their future out by not trading for one of two guys who are (a) older than the guys they drafted and (b) have certain questions about their durability (Boldin) and ability to catch the football and not drop it (Edwards). Both players would probably also want new contracts in the new future, Boldin especially, which would not be good for the Giants salary cap situation.

I am not arguing the Giants are better without those two players, because they are not, but I don't think they have mortgaged the future by drafting younger, less proven players. I think Nicks could turn into a great receiver. He put up great numbers at UNC with three different (and not quality) quarterbacks throwing the ball to him.

Detroit Lions: This draft will always hinge on whether Matthew Stafford earns the exorbitant money he is receiving.

You mean the Lions draft success will depend on whether the guy they paid nearly $42 million dollars guaranteed and are relying upon to lead the team for the next decade becomes a good player or not? Surely, Ross you must jest. Thanks for the insight.

To his credit, he has handled the process fantastically up to this point. Now he just needs to play well.

So far he has interviewed well and managed to walk up to the podium, fake smile, and hold up a Detroit Lions jersey. Granted, Eli Manning was not able to do this in when he was drafted by the Chargers, but I think we should hold off on giving Stafford credit until he actually does play well.

Oklahoma State tight end Brandon Pettigrew and Western Michigan safety Louis Delmas are the most physical players at their position and fit what Jim Schwartz is trying to do in the Motor City.

Which is win one game this year.

Steady As She Goes

Arbitrary ranking #6 is the pirate phrase ranking apparently. Though he did forget the word "mate," but I will forgive him.

Indianapolis Colts:

BYU wide receiver Austin Collie has Colt written all over him

I want to make fun of this but I said the same thing about Larry English and the Patriots in my mock draft. The guy's last name is Collie and Tucker says he has "Colt" written all over him. It would have been an animal joke if I had made one, but I won't.

Tennessee Titans:

The Titans got another young body on the defensive line in Sen'Derrick Marks, who they will need to get to play hard on every snap.

The rest of the guys on the Titans defense will only need to play hard 73% of the snaps. Actually, this is better than having Albert Haynesworth, who only played hard when he was going to be a free agent.

Shrug Of The Shoulders

Arbitrary ranking #7. Rather than the 5 letters of the alphabet that are usually used to grade a team's draft, Ross Tucker has created 7 different phrases, which should help his grades hold up in the long run much better. Screw you Mel Kiper Jr.!

San Francisco 49ers:

Ball State quarterback Nate Davis gives San Francisco a physically gifted quarterback who has some obstacles to overcome to become an NFL caliber passer.

Is this a vague reference to the fact he has a learning disability? Specifically dyslexia? No offense but even with a learning disability he is probably more intelligent than 50% of the players currently in the NFL. I say this even though Davis got an 11 on the Wonderlic.

Peter did manage to get his MMQB-Tuesday out in time.

Sadly, Ivn did not make the mailbag this week...and neither did I. We will get over our disappointment and rebound next week.

"I don't care if I screwed up in picking the tackle number two,'' Devaney told me. "I was tired of seeing our quarterback get killed. I don't care if we give up 50 points a game, I'm not going to sit around and watch our quarterback get abused the way he did last year and the way he would have if we didn't address the offense line.

I just think the Bills and the Lions should take note of this quote. I am not going to mention this again. I'm done.

Must be a terrible thing for Carr, by the way. He gets picked number one in the draft, and what he's remember for most is getting sacked -- 208 times in his first four seasons. He never led the league in anything in those four season, other than being sacked. Three times in those four years he led the NFL in times sacked.

I got the anti-privilege of watching David Carr play two years ago and though he was sacked a lot early in his career, if there was a defensive lineman who got anywhere near him, he would shut it down and not even try to complete a pass but just prepare for the sack. He was actually ducking before the defensive lineman could get to him in the Tennessee game two years ago for Carolina. David Carr is also kind of a wimp and I will never defend him in any setting.

Did you wonder, like I did, why the Bucs, set on taking Kansas State quarterback Josh Freeman with their first-round pick, paid the Browns a sixth-rounder for the privilege of moving up two spots in the round.

Blame the Mel-Kiperization of the draft world.

"A lot of mock drafts had Denver taking Josh Freeman,'' Tampa Bay GM Mark Dominik said the other night. "I thought paying a sixth-rounder was a small price to pay for insurance to make sure we got our guy.''

Tampa Bay fans have to be absolutely thrilled that their GM pays attention to mock drafts by the media who can't even get 50% of their picks right for his information rather than networking through the league or maybe just using any other method available to the GM of an NFL team. I can't think of a more stupid reason to move up in the draft than to look at mock drafts and base your team decisions on that. Next thing we know this guy will be making decisions based on the Truth and Rumors section at SI.com. I am going to go ahead and say this does not bode well for the Bucs.

From Chad Short of Dallas: "Britney Spears' father, Jamie Spears, was able to get control of Britney due to her self-destruction. Are there any grounds for the NFL to do the same thing with the Oakland Raiders? At some point someone needs to step in and say enough's enough.''

Well, I think a lot of Raider fans share your pessimism.

Here's the thing, they don't share the pessimism. Again, I don't like taking cheap shots but that article is like a big, wonderful cheerleading homeristic dream. Sorry, I think it is true. If Heyward-Bey and Mitchell turn out to be worthy of the spots they were drafted, I will be shocked.

From Alex Martin of New Orleans: "You write, 'I've never seen so many teams so in love with a corner who runs 4.53 as is the case with Malcolm Jenkins.' Interesting way to look at it. Especially when you consider Nnamdi Asomugha ran a 4.5 40 coming out of college, too. How did he work out?''

In your face Peter King. His readers really are smarter than he is...and yes, I realize Asomugha was a smart Raiders draft choice, but then they gave him that absurdly stupid contract...so they get no credit from me.

Peter, what say you?

Very well. He's the highest-paid cornerback ever. But I'd bet you a grande latte that there was more interest higher in the draft for Jenkins, who was drafted 14th overall, than there was in 2003 for Asomugha, who was drafted 31st.

So Peter is saying, Jenkins drew more interest running a 4.53 40 coming out of college than Asomugha did and that proves his original statement that Jenkins had the most interest of any corner who ran a 4.5 40? Possibly his statement could only be true because Asomugha proved you don't have to be exceptionally fast to be a great corner in the league. Except Peter wasn't comparing the two players, he was questioning whether that was fast enough to run the 40 for an NFL cornerback. Peter made that statement and I think it inherently contained some questions as to why all the teams were interested in Jenkins if he ran that slow of a 40, like Peter did not understand why the teams liked him. I think he forgot Asomugha ran a "slower" 40 but Asomugha ran a 4.50 40 and turned out to be a great player so he feels stupid for forgetting...so Peter plays semantics rather than admit he forgot.

Peter could easily say, "Yes there was a lot of interest in Jenkins because of the success of Asomugha," and admit he forgot Asomugha ran that "slow," but instead he takes all of the questioning out of his own statement and tries to act like it was just a simple statement that Jenkins had the most interest ever for a guy who ran a "slow" 40. (As if there should be a chart that gauges the "interest level" for cornerbacks who ran a "slow" 40 and Jenkins would have the most interest) Really Peter was doubting whether Jenkins could be successful running that time in the 40 and a reader called him on it, and Peter being petrified of the fact he completely forgot what Asomugha ran in the 40 and was successful in the NFL, just tries to make his original statement just a simple statement that Jenkins received more interest than any other cornerback who ran a 4.5 40.

I'm tired now. I think Ivn and my questions were much better and challenging than the one's Peter got. We'll try again sometime.

It's on to trying to read TMQ so I can decipher it for everyone tomorrow.