0 comments Randy Hill Helps the World Avert Another Crisis

Do you believe in jinxes? Randy Hill does. Do you think the reason some teams don't make it back to the Super Bowl year after year has more to do with what the difficulty of getting to the Super Bowl in the first place entails? Randy Hill disagrees. Do cutesy columns about jinxes not belong on major sports websites? Randy Hill disagrees. Do you believe the Patriots are going to make the playoffs? Randy Hill agrees. Do I understand this column or what point Randy Hill was trying to prove? No.

http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/8186744/Jinx-has-its-work-cut-out-for-it-in-Patriots

Randy's article begins with the word "jinx" in it, which we all know does not exist, so this article is obviously tongue in cheek and he is going to mock the jinx. Right?

I understand and appreciate your distaste for the New England Patriots.

If you did, you would know it is not a distaste.

Maybe the word distaste is an understatement and should be replaced by the words screaming hatred.

I think my previous thought was that they could burn in Hell forever, but screaming hatred works for me. What is the point of your article?

With that in mind, I'm here to assist in building a reasonable case against the Patriots relative to their potential success during the upcoming season. Unfortunately, we have some work to do; according to the sharpies in Vegas, the Pats are favored to win the next Super Bowl.

I am not suing the Patriots for being a good team, I hate them for it, that and cheating, and also being douchebags, so there is no need to build a case. Oh, they are also douchebags who have bandwagon fans, I forgot that part. So this article is tongue in cheek, I think. He references how Vegas is always wrong. So, there is no need to "work" to build a case, we can just let fate take care of it's self?

But the anti-Patriots crowd may have karma on its side.

We have karma, Vegas always being wrong, AND a jinx. This is like a Fox Sports column version of a Science Fiction movie. If we had the Force, then and only then, would I feel good about the Patriots not making the playoffs next year. Also, if they weren't the best team in the league right now on paper, that would make me cuddle with my blankie tighter at night as well.

By the way, what the fuck is this "jinx?" If you are going to start a column off about a jinx, generally you want to define the jinx at some point.

Yeah, that would be the not-quite-infallible jinx attached to NFL teams returning to action following a Super Bowl defeat. With recent history as our touchstone, please note that six of the last seven Super Bowl losers failed to make the playoffs the following season.

Thanks Randy, and your fly is open.

So the jinx is that six of the last seven Super Bowl losers failed to make the playoffs the next year? I would agree and say this is odd but think it may have more to do with the parity in pro football and is a reminder of how hard it is to put together a good team year after year. Or it could be a magical jinx. Your fly is still open.

While acknowledging that it would seem impossible for the Patriots to sink to those levels, let's take a look at the potential categories defining their potential (though slim) for demise:

Although New England's candid-camera activities cost the franchise a first-round draft choice, the hit was mitigated because the San Francisco 49ers had coughed up a first-round pick to the Pats the year before. Commissioner Roger Goodell destroyed the video evidence, and despite recent allegations of injured-reserve shenanigans, the Patriots' greatest sanctions may already be in the rearview mirror.

That's it. The potential for demise is increased because they were not affected by the punishment the league gave them and the issue has been taken care of and should not affect the team in any way? You don't understand what you are writing. Put down the Natural Light and re-read the sentence you just wrote.

(Randy Hill as a doctor): "I am afraid it looks bad for little Tommy. He is bleeding internally and he may lose his leg due to the blood loss."

(Timmy's mother) "Where does he stand doc? Will he be able to walk again?"

(Dr. Randy Hill) "Fortunately, we stopped the internal bleeding and he is in the recovery room right now running sprints."

(Timmy's mother) "I thought you said..."

(Dr. Randy Hill) "We'll just pray the blood loss does not affect him too much. He is touch and go."
OK, losing cornerback Asante Samuel is good for the anti-Patriots crowd, but draft wonks believe the Pats did well (second-round pick Terrence Wheatley) at replenishing the DB pool. Never underestimate this franchise's ability to almost always develop its existing talent. Observers hoping the Pats' aging linebacker corps will become a liability grudgingly admit the addition of Jerod Mayo with the Niners' pick was a swell move. Adalius Thomas and newcomer Victor Hobson aren't exactly ready for the seniors' tour.

So are you being sarcastic and saying there is no way the Patriots miss the playoffs? Then you should have called the article, "Why there is no jinx and the Patriots will be in the playoffs" and specifically began the sentence before this list with this heading, "Turning the negatives for the Patriots to return to the playoffs into positives."

Here's the problem Randy. We have no idea if Wheatley is good and no one is going to know if Mayo is any good because he has not played a game yet either. So just saying these players are going to be good does not prove your point, whatever the hell that point you are trying to make is.

So you wrote the article as tongue in cheek saying the Patriots have nothing to worry about in making the playoffs, and then bring up points why they could not make the playoffs but not actually include any reasons why they would not make the playoffs in these points. Are we on the same page?

Jerod Mayo may be Jesus in cleats but you can't just assume he will be great and say, "See, they have nothing to worry about," and end it with that. Maybe Victor Hobson and Adalius Thomas are not old but the other two LBs they have are. Who the fuck is Victor Hobson?

OK, so the loss of this future Hall-of-Fame quarterback could be our last gasp at making an argument against the Pats' playoff return. It would help if EA Sports put Brady's likeness on the cover of Madden '09, but his absence must be part of some conspiracy.

I get it now, Randy is mocking Patriot haters! Funny shit Randy! So this whole article was written to mock people like myself who hope the Patriots miss the playoffs? You are pathetic and the sad part is I read your article like nine times and still don't know exactly what the hell it says.

After sifting through our four Pats-demise categories, it seems obvious that keeping New England out of the playoffs would require more mojo than this prevailing jinx can muster.

You said nothing negative about them in any your "demise" categories about the Patriots. How about these "demise" categories that happened to a couple other teams that did not make the playoffs. These could all happen to the Pats, but it would not be a jinx, it would just be how football is:

1. They end the season with 14 players on the IR (Panthers- 2004)
2. They lose their quarterback for the majority of the season (Eagles- 2005)
3. The entire team gets old at the exact same time (Raiders - 2003)

See, it does not have to be odd jinx that you just made up that explains everything, it can just be bad luck. Stop the jinx talk and begin writing articles that are coherent. I think you look like Randy Quaid a little bit.

0 comments Hurry Everyone...the Duke Is Overrated Bandwagon Is Leaving! Oh and Lute Olson sucks...

I am going to mention a controversial topic right now. Not abortion, not the death penalty or even which FJM is truly better...but Duke basketball. I was surfing the Internet today viewing the previews of the NCAA Tournament and noticed a trend. Put down your guns, knives, pepper spray and pillows with bars of soap in them just for a minute. What other team is this universally hated in college basketball for no reason other than all the press they get? (Why UNC is not hated is beyond me. They even have the nerdy, douchy, white guy in Hansbrough...that is a different post though.) Now Duke looks vulnerable and only got a 2 Seed in the NCAA Tournament. If you hate Duke and are in the national media, HURRY UP AND WRITE AN ARTICLE ON HOW BAD THEY SUCK! Get a shot in now! But then predict they will advance far in the tournament.

Foxsports courtesy of Randy Hill: The most vulnerable high seeds...
Good teams with flaws or match-up issues that could send them home early.


Duke: The West's No. 2 seed lacks the inside presence to prevent a beat-down in the lane. If Arizona shows up to play against West Virginia, 6-foot-10 Jordan Hill may have fun against the Blue Devils in Round 2.

Duke has no inside presence, this is not news. So that is actually a good point. This has been happening for years now. Still, no mention of the fact Duke has superior depth and 6-foot-10 Jordan Hill (is he Randy's brother?) has to guard someone on defense, which would potentially be a mismatch. I do see the point though, but a Duke bash nonetheless. So I guess Duke won't advance past Arizona.

Duke vs. UCLA: If the second-seeded Blue Devils and top-seeded Bruins meet in the West finale, pay attention to Mike Krzyzewski's fast pace and spread tactics vs. Ben Howland's grind-'em-down Bruin philosophy.

So they will advance? To the Elite 8? Even without an inside presence? A team seeded in the 2 Spot is either the 5-8th best team in the country, so they would meet expectations. It does not make sense to say they have weaknesses that will take them out of the tournament early and then predict they may meet UCLA in the Elite Eight. I understand you are just giving potential matchups to watch for but I do love how you hedge your bets. I would love to see your bracket.

CNNSI.com courtesy of Stewart Mandel:

Overrated: Duke. As has been the case often in recent years, the Blue Devils peaked somewhere around mid-February, and their lack of frontcourt depth has caught up to them.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/stewart_mandel/02/21/duke/index.html

Mandel wrote a wonderful article and I linked it above. If you hate Duke, read it and laugh at them. Oh how true. So Duke has frontcourt depth problems. Again, nothing new here, so that is why they are overrated. Good Duke bash! Where are they gonna lose Stewie?

If these two meet in the Sweet 16, it will be fascinating to watch the Musketeers' senior backcourt duo of Drew Lavender and Stanley Burrell go up against more heralded counterparts Greg Paulus and Gerald Henderson.

Sweet 16? Not that overrated I guess. Two Points here:

1. Making the Sweet 16 is not bad. Granted, a 2 Seed should get further, but if they won this game, they would be in the Elite 8, which would be the expectation for them based on national rankings.

2. Paulus and Henderson are very heralded and that would be a fascinating matchup to view. I Googled it though Stewie (go to google.com and then type in "Duke Blue Devils 2007-2008 statistics") and found DeMarcus Nelson actually led the Blue Devils in PPG, Steals, and Rebounding. So I guess he would qualify as the best player on the team most nights. One of them would have to guard Nelson, who is also a Senior, I added that since you love senior backcourts. Not a big deal, but when you describe a matchup that could be fun to watch, be sure to include the best player on one of the teams. I am being nitpicky, I realize this, but that is like saying a team matches up well with UNC because they can guard Deon Thompson and Wayne Ellington.

CBS Sportsline courtesy of Dennis Dodd:

Most likely upset: West Virginia or Arizona over Duke in the second round. Because of the unending hype, you never know how good Duke really is. I'm saying the young Devils are not good enough to get through a quality second-round opponent.

Dennis Dodd has balls enough to actually make a Duke bashing prediction. I wonder why he feels this way? No analysis huh? Good reasoning at least in saying they are young. If you can get through the unending hype, you can actually see how good Duke is. I will help you Dennis Douche (can I call you that?). Teams play games and get a "record" which shows how many games that team has lost. Duke has a "record" that includes 5 losses. They have beaten 7 teams that are in the NCAA tournament and lost to 4 of the teams. They are 7-4 against NCAA Tournament teams. Including a victory over UNC and Wisconsin. Given that information, you can evaluate how good Duke is a little better. They were also second in the nation's toughest conference, based on RPI, so that may help also. I don't want to confuse you though.

Here is the coup de grace and honestly, I had to bitch about the lousy Duke comments before I could get to this. What is an article about the NCAA Tournament without a cheap shot at a Hall of Fame coach?

1. Lute looms: Regarding the, uh, "relationship" between former/future coach Lute Olsen and current/soon-to-be former coach Kevin O'Neill at Arizona: These guys aren't exactly on the same page. Wouldn't it be great if O'Neill got the Wildcats to the Final Four, something the 73-year-old Olsen doesn't have the time or chops to do anymore?

Maybe I am missing something and please tell me if I am. (By the way, who are you, that person who reads this blog?) O'Neill was the interim coach, Olson announced he was coming back. Therefore interim coach is not coach anymore. Did I simplify that too much for you Dennis Douche? How is Lute Olson not an effective coach anymore? What has he done to make you think this? Two questions:

1. Why do you hate Lute Olson?

2. Why would it be great if the Arizona Wildcats made the Final Four? Did Lute Olson molest you at a summer camp or did his grandson give you a wedgie at some point? Lute Olson coming back to coach for most humans is exciting because he is a sort of legend at Arizona.

(Dennis Douche waking up in the morning) Damn that 73 year old legend of a coach who has won a National Championship! Damn him all to Hell! How dare he attempt to take time off to get his personal life together! Damn him for trying to prevent a divorce 7 years after his wife of many years died of cancer. I bet his 1st wife would have been cured if he had the time or chops to take care of her appropriately. Damn him all to Hell! If there is nothing else I do in this world before I die, I will make sure Lute Olson gets what is coming to him!

Just for shits and giggles on how dumb this Dennis Douche fellow is, here is a later quote in this "article" Dennis Douche wrote.

That would be back when Jim Harrick (gag reflex inserted) was coaching.

How exactly do you insert a gag reflex? It is a reflex, I am not exactly sure you can insert it anywhere. Are you secretly RoboCop Dennis Douche?

(Dennis Douche at his annual physical that he has the time and chops to go to) "Go ahead and strike my knee doc!"

(Doctor striking knee violently) "Why did your knee not jerk? Why are you not blinking at all? Tyler Hansbrough is that you? Are you human or an android sent from Hell to annoy Internet readers everywhere?"

(Dennis Douche) "Sorry doc, I forgot to insert my gag reflex this morning. Therefore none of my reflexes work."

(Doctor laughs furiously in a hearty way) "Dennis, never forget to do that again. You have to insert your reflexes every morning."

(Dennis Douche) "Sorry doc, I apologize. I am just the type of person who takes cheap shots at Hall of Fame coaches for no reason."


I think Duke will lose in the Sweet 16 because I believe the team is tired from the long season and will run into a team that is just playing a little better. Duke is overhyped and over-loved and probably did not deserve a 2 Seed. I think it is hilarious that columnists predict their demise in the second round but then preview interesting matchups involving them in the later rounds. At least Dennis Douche had the balls to make a prediction and stick with it. Unfortunately he irritated me by not devoting a sentence to why he believed what he did, which would have helped his credibility a bit. We are not really sure how good of a writer Dennis Douche is based on this article and it's anger towards Lute Olson. I am saying Dennis Douche is a not good enough to write for the school newspaper.