3 comments You May Not Believe This, But Skip Bayless Makes Tim Tebow's Return to the NFL about Skip Bayless

You may not have heard, but Tim Tebow has signed with the Philadelphia Eagles. This news did go under the radar, so I understand how a lot of people may have missed it. Naturally, since he is the chief waver of pom-poms for Tebow's NFL career, Skip Bayless has some thoughts on Tebow's return. Even more naturally, Skip Bayless makes Tebow's return to the NFL just a little bit about himself and his interactions with Tebow. Skip's point is that Tim Tebow could play well as an Eagles player next year. He has to make the team first, of course. Tebow COULD play well (or "fly high"...vomit) as an Eagle, but he also could play the same way he played as a Jet and Patriot. Skip thinks other head coaches haven't utilized what Tebow does best, which is analyze football games (seriously, he was pretty good last year). I have nothing against Tebow as a person, but as a football player what he does best (which I'm still not sure what that would be) requires an offense be so limited that I'm not sure it's worth having Tebow around. But, maybe he can be useful in certain situations. It always annoys me (and the starting quarterback) when the backup gets put in the game for certain offensive packages. If Tebow is used as a goal line QB, then I could see him succeeding. Anyway, Skip says Chip Kelly is the best coach for Tebow, which just so happens to be something he also said about Bill Belichick when Tebow signed with the Patriots.

Funny how the smartest coach in football couldn't figure out a way to use Tebow, but now Skip decides that Chip Kelly is the new smartest coach in football. I almost root against Tebow just to hear Skip Bayless and his next excuse for why Tebow didn't succeed in the NFL.

Before college football's national championship game in January, Tim Tebow joined us on the "First Take" set in Dallas to discuss Ohio State vs. Oregon and the NFL playoffs.

I imagine this was one of the highlights of Skip's career, next to repeatedly calling Troy Aikman a homosexual and never really having solid proof this statement is true.

I thought about asking Tebow why he thought the NFL had rejected him for a second straight season, but that seemed like old news about an old wound. Tebow was an ESPN analyst now and we treated him like one.

Except Skip clearly didn't want to treat Tebow like an ESPN analyst, because he was more obsessed with proving Tebow could play in the NFL than Tebow was.

Backstage after the show, I felt a tap on the shoulder and turned to see Tebow.

Here is exclusive video of Skip's reaction when Tebow spoke with him. 

I don't know him well - in fact, the few times I've been around him in groups, I've sensed a coolness

Yes, Tebow has always come off as just really super-rad.

and wondered if Tebow shared the view of my on-air debate partner Stephen A. Smith.

And here we go. Skip Bayless believes that his words have an effect on pro athletes. It's one of the most self-centered beliefs that I can recall any human being actually holding. Skip gives himself credit for when LeBron plays well, when a team responds to play well after criticism from Skip and now he believes all NFL teams did not sign Tim Tebow because Skip advocated for Tebow too hard. This is a real thing that Skip believes. He's the type of person who gives feedback when it's requested and then assumes his counsel and only his counsel was heeded if changes are made. The fact NFL front offices, LeBron James or any sports figure could give two shits about what Skip has to say or believes never crosses his mind at any point.

"You helped ruin Tebow's chances in the NFL," Stephen A. often has said on our show. "You supported him so hard [against an onslaught of on-air ctitics] you helped create a lot of the hype that did him in."

This is a real thing that Skip and Stephen A. Smith think? Smith really thinks that Skip Bayless and his opinion on Tebow created so much of the hype around Tebow that NFL teams couldn't see past the hype to fairly evaluate him? Really? This isn't a joke? The Eagles are Tebow's fourth NFL team. At this point he's been on the roster of 12.5% of the NFL teams and been coached by head coaches who have combined been to eight Super Bowls, but it's the hype of Tebow by Skip Bayless that caused them to unfairly evaluate Tebow? This is madness.

Also, what are "ctitics"?

Stephen A. always adds, "That, and the fact he just can't throw."

It was more 98% the fact Tebow couldn't throw and 2% everything else around Tebow that couldn't be ignored because he just can't throw.

But now, backstage in Dallas, Tebow surprised me by saying: "Why didn't you ask me about wanting to continue my playing career?"

Not that Tebow wanted to keep his playing career in the forefront of people's minds even while he was collecting a paycheck from ESPN to not play football. Eyes on the prize.

The truth was I didn't want to further shame him or set him up to seem delusional.

Of course Skip Bayless plays favorite. Would Skip ever worry about asking any other pro athlete a question that would shame him or make the athlete look bad when on "First Take"? Of course not. But this is Skip Bayless and this is ESPN, so of course in the process of "Embracing Debate" it's fine for Skip to also play favorites and antagonize certain professional athletes Skip doesn't like and coddle other athletes that Skip likes better.

But I stammered back something about wishing I'd known and I would've asked.

Simply starstruck.

I must admit I felt sorry for Tebow, who just couldn't come to grips with the end of his football life.

Honestly Skip, I think most people feel sorry for you because you seem to lead a very empty life that mostly revolves around gaining attention for yourself through whatever means possible. Tebow comes off as a much more fulfilled person in his life than Skip comes off as being. Skip is a child who grabs pigtails to gain attention, while Tebow is good at being an analyst and could easily have a career in broadcasting.

At that point, I had no idea Tebow had faithfully returned for 18 straight months (at least twice a month) to Los Angeles to work with throwing guru Tom House, who has refined the mechanics of Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Carson Palmer and many big-league pitchers.

Bottom line from Skip's point of view: Tom House will turn Tim Tebow into Tom Brady. 

Nolan Ryan credited House (who pitched for eight big-league seasons) with helping extend his career when House was pitching coach for the Texas Rangers.

And the difference in Tebow and Nolan Ryan is that Nolan Ryan was already a great pitcher when he started working with Tom House. Tebow...not so much a great quarterback.

He told me Monday he has never seen anything like the commitment Tebow made to improving his passing "when he didn't even have a team or the prospect of being on a team. He just kept busting [his tail] and busting it and busting it."

Hard work is great and hard work is how Tim Tebow got to the NFL. Sometimes hard work isn't enough though.

That same week in Dallas, an NFL insider told me about a conversation he had with Eagles coach (and former Oregon coach) Chip Kelly, who insisted he didn't pick a quarterback for his system - but that he could play to the strengths of (and win with) any quarterback.

I have nothing against Chip Kelly and his wisdom, but this is insanity. I've lived through the Jimmy Clausen era in Carolina. I feel very, very certain Chip Kelly couldn't win with Jimmy Clausen as his starting quarterback.

Typical Chip, I thought. He doesn't just think he's the smartest man in every room he's in, but in every stadium, no matter the opposing coach or staff.

Kelly succeeding with Tebow may be the ultimate test that he can win with any quarterback. Okay, maybe not the ultimate test, but a pretty big test to prove he can win with any quarterback.

If conventional NFL wisdom says, "That won't work," Kelly sniffs

Apparently Skip thinks that Chip Kelly does a lot of cocaine.

and says, "Watch this."

But in January, Kelly had been given total control of Eagles' personnel moves. Little did I know how that was about to impact Tebow's NFL future.

It's a good thing that Skip had stopped talking about Tim Tebow in December, because otherwise all of the hype Skip gave Tebow would have affected Tebow's chances of making it in the NFL. Skip has the power to affect Tebow's chances of signing with an NFL team of course.

When Kelly heard Tebow, only 27, still wanted to play and continued to work fanatically on his throwing after two years out of the NFL, Kelly invited him to Philly for a tryout.

This, remember, was before Kelly dumbfounded the NFL in mid-March by trading Nick Foles (27 touchdown passes to only two interceptions in 2013) for an immobile Sam Bradford, the former No. 1 overall pick who has constantly battled injuries through his University of Oklahoma career and his five pro seasons

Clearly the only takeaway from this is that Chip Kelly trading Nick Foles so that he could clear room to sign Tim Tebow a month later. That's the only logical conclusion that can be drawn. Skip had to be very careful not to hype Tebow too much or else cause Kelly to change his mind and sign a different quarterback instead. Because, you know, the hype would drive Kelly's mind crazy to where his opinion of Tebow would be affected by Skip Bayless. Again, this is a real thing that can happen.

Speaking of jokes, a week before the Bradford deal, many Eagles fans considered this trade inexplicably laughable: LeSean McCoy to Buffalo for former Oregon linebacker Kiko Alonso. Kelly had acquired so many Oregon players that the Eagles might as well be renamed the Philadelphia Ducks.

Kelly was a sitting duck for criticism,

This is just terrible writing. I don't want to say Skip should stick to doing television instead of writing for ESPN, so I think Skip should stick to just going the hell away.

The head-shaking turned to belly-laughing on Monday, March 16, when Kelly brought Tebow to Philly for a workout. Kelly was impressed enough he wanted to sign Tebow immediately, but first wanted to maintain leverage in completing a trade for third-string QB Matt Barkley, hopefully to Miami.

Kelly was so impressed that he was going to trade every player on the Eagles roster to ensure Tebow would have a roster spot, but later decided against this.

Tebow's last NFL stop just might be the jumpstart his career needs. Finally, he's playing for a coach who actually wants to utilize what he does best.

Which is what Skip said when Tebow went to the Patriots. How soon he forgets.

That could've been Josh McDaniels, who drafted Tebow 25th overall - then got fired midway through Tebow's rookie year in Denver.

Because Skip is a journalistic clown and only serves to troll others without providing any useful information, he of course leaves out the little fact that Tebow's offensive coordinator when he was briefly with the Patriots was........................Josh McDaniels. So Josh McDaniels could have utilized what Tebow does best with Denver, yet he didn't do this when he coached Tebow in New England. Weird how that works isn't it? The excuses keep coming. Skip keeps saying, "This is the guy who can utilize Tebow best," as if the problem is coaching and not Tebow. Yet, McDaniels had a chance to utilize Tebow in New England and it didn't work out. Tebow even had the advantage of being coached by Bill Belichick while working with Josh McDaniels. We know how that ended.

So Skip always blames the coaching for not utilizing Tebow correctly, but because he has no regard for facts, he doesn't realize how ridiculous he sounds. Skip doesn't deal in reality, I think that's the main issue he has.

It quickly became clear to Tebow that the Jets were more interested in using him as an occasional gimmick to win only New York's back-page tabloid headlines from the Giants.

Of course, the Jets had no interest in winning games. They only wanted to win the headline game. This is how Skip Bayless believes the NFL world works. Skip Bayless gets paid a lot of money to comment on professional sports by the way.

A brittle Bradford, a shaky Sanchez: Is it possible Kelly will give Tebow a legit shot at competing for the starting job? Several NFL sources have predicted to me he will.

Those NFL sources are probably as real as the "facts" that Skip spits out on "First Take" everyday.

Wouldn't Chip Kelly like nothing more than to say "Watch this" to his buddy Belichick?

No. Chip Kelly wants to win fucking football games, not get into a childish pissing contest with another NFL coach to see who can take the most mediocre quarterback and win games with him. Does Skip really believe the sports world works like this? He believes the Jets just want more headlines than the Giants, Chip Kelly would sign a quarterback to show Belichick he can succeed with that quarterback or his own comments about Tebow affects the evaluation of NFL teams? Skip Bayless is better served being an idiot caller on sports talk radio if these are real beliefs he has.

In Kelly's two seasons in Philly, his offense led the NFL in read-option plays with 514. Next was Russell Wilson's Seattle with only 235. In 2011, often running the read option, Tebow took over a 1-4 Denver team and turned it into the NFL's top rushing attack. Tebow runs the option with gut instinct and rare will, and now he'll be playing the ride-and-decide game with the NFL's reigning rushing champ, new Eagle DeMarco Murray.

He'll be playing the ride-and-decide game with Murray for the 10 games that Murray is actually healthy during the 2015 season.

Tebow took that 1-4 team to a divisional title and home playoff win over Pittsburgh.

I don't know how long this is going to be mentioned. Yes, the Broncos were 8-8 and beat the Steelers in overtime on a slant where the safety (the same backup safety I believe that replaced Ryan Clark, who couldn't play in the game due to his sickle cell disease...obviously God wanted Clark to have sickle cell so Tebow could win a playoff game) took a bad angle and Demaryius Thomas took the pass to the house. Funny how Skip doesn't mention what happened in the next playoff game on the road against the Patriots. This always seems to be left out. Tebow was 9-26 for 136 yards in a 45-10 loss. Heck, he didn't even complete 50% of his passes in the epic, never-to-be-forgotten win over the Steelers.

He has always thrown a pretty good deep ball, always a Kelly staple. Hmmm.

I don't know if this is true or not.

All I said before the draft was: If you take him at the bottom of the first round and let him run the read option and throw off its run fakes, he will win games in the NFL. Did he ever.

Yes, but then Tebow didn't win games in the NFL. I've always enjoyed how Skip has completely ignored the failures Tebow has had in the NFL and chalked it up to simply bad coaching. Of course it is bad coaching. Let's just focus on the times Tebow was good and ignore the bad.

He began losing confidence with the Jets, and though House worked briefly with Tebow before he went to camp with the Patriots and raved Tebow was throwing "beautifully," Tebow crumbled under the pressure of sharing a camp field with Brady. He pressed. He choked. He regressed. He gave Belichick (and coordinator McDaniels) no choice but to cut him.

So the lesson to learn is that as long as Tebow doesn't have an NFL-quality starter in front him, then he can be an NFL starter? Just surround him with shitty quarterbacks and Tebow can compete.

Now, no doubt, those who do not believe in Kelly are thinking, "Tebow will get him fired."

Yeah, Chip Kelly isn't going to let Tebow get him fired. Rest assured about that. Tebow will be gone long before Kelly gets fired for hanging on to Tebow for too long.

All I know for sure is, that day in Dallas when Tebow was on our show, I should've asked him about his playing career.

It is all about you, Skip. But think about it. If you had asked Tebow about his playing career it would have only contributed to the hype and then Tebow would not have gotten a chance to play in the NFL again. NFL teams hang on your every word, so they would have gotten lost in the hype of Tebow and only paid attention to the fact that three really good coaches have already given Tebow the boot. 

10 comments Bill Simmons Still Doing Friday Mailbags; Still Requiring Reader Participation to Churn a Column Out

I used to complain that Bill Simmons did too many mailbags that were lazy excuses for not writing a column. It's gotten to the point now that Bill's mailbags ARE his columns. Bill's Friday NFL picks column is pretty just a mailbag with some YouTube clips thrown in there. Take a look at Bill's column archives. The number of mailbags in there is endless. That's the current state of Bill's writing. Maybe when he goes to work for another company then he will be more inspired to write. Probably not. Not when he has readers voracious to appear in his mailbag and crave his acceptance. Why go out of his comfort zone when coasting gets the job done and ensures the happiness of Bill's readers? As usual, I will be making fun of some of Bill's readers too because I'm just mean like that, and most likely, they don't exist anyway. Not that Bill would make up questions of course.

We split Friday’s column into two parts. If you missed my piece about Chainsaw Dan Snyder and the Deadskins, click here. Here are the Week 15 picks.

And yes, after complaining that Bill didn't write columns, I will acknowledge he did write a column on Daniel Snyder. He included five comments from readers that he basically bounced the entire column off of, so I'm not quite giving him credit for that yet. He still can't seem to put out a column where his readers don't contribute in some way.

RAMS (-5.5) over Cards
 
I stand by this now-ridiculous pick. The Cards scored 12 points and played Ryan Lindley for 30 percent of the game — what more could you want? Way to kick a field goal down nine on fourth-and-goal from the 2 with six minutes left, Jeff Fisher. No wonder you haven’t won a playoff game in 11 years.

Well, he is Jeff "8-8" Fisher. I'm glad others are noticing that Fisher might be a little bit overrated as a coach, though it does not make me happy that person noticing is Bill Simmons. I'm sure Simmons will write an entire column about Fisher and claim to be the first person who noticed just how average to mediocre Fisher has been for the last decade or so. At that point, my blood will boil and I will die.

Anyway, the Cards have scored 64 points total in their last five games, so Vegas is currently insulting them with 20-to-1 Super Bowl odds. Repeat: An 11-3 team has 20-1 Super Bowl odds. That’s the best “Nobody Believes In Us” factoid in a couple of years. Remember, the Cardinals ARE undefeated at home. And they ARE a Week 16 home victory over Seattle and a Week 17 road victory over the floundering 49ers away from NEVER LEAVING ARIZONA FOR THE ENTIRE PLAYOFFS. So why wouldn’t you throw down $100 on the Cards at 20-to-1?

Bill Simmons, gambling savant who isn't a gambling savant, yet pretends like he knows something about gambling few else know.

Q: WE WANT FAVRE! WE WANT FAVRE! WE WANT FAVRE! WE WANT FAVRE! Why not go for it if your Arizona GM Steve Keim? You know you aren’t getting anywhere in the playoffs with a hobbled Drew Stanton or Ryan Lindley. Hopeful President Elect Bruce Arians needs to show his power if he wants the Democratic nomination come 2016. Bring back Favre. Call up Ed Werder right now.
 
—Jackson, Glendale, AZ

BS: Oh wait, THAT is why the Cards are 20-1. Because I read that email and thought, He’s right, they should totally sign Brett Favre.

Nope, that's a sign you are being an idiot.

Q: The final act of your “4th & God” movie is ready to be written! (And you know Roger Goodell would LOVE for ESPN to focus on the wholesome Tim Tebow and not anything else from the past 12 months). Tim Tebow, out of football and humbled by taking a TV job gets the call from Kurt Warner (the original inspiration for the don’t bet against God & Puppies theory) to tell him to do the job he couldn’t finish. That’s right, take the playoff bound Arizona Cardinals to a Super Bowl Victory. This is the chills moment of the movie!
 
—Ron Wade, Plymouth Township

I really feel bad for people who write into Bill and want to interact with him or share their super-original thoughts with him. It makes me feel bad for them craving his acceptance and idolizing him so much.

Q: Do you think JJ Watt ever does that cat interview? Yeah, better bring that Thunderdome line up against Gronk. Watt -5000.  

—Justin, Houston

BS: (Belichick voice.) We’re on to Miami.

Bill has five questions where he answers them "We're on to Miami." Five questions and they aren't short either. The man is just killing space in this column.

Q: What’s the over/under for number of kittens Gronk accidentally murdered Lenny-style during that espnmag photohoot? My friends and I guessed anywhere from 7 to “so many that they ran out and had to photoshop some in,” but we’d love your input, too.
 
—Cara, Weymouth, MA

BS: (Belichick voice.) We’re on to Miami.

See, it gets funnier every time!

Q: Have you noticed that Ryan Tannehill and Alex Smith are essentially the same player? If you watched the Dolphins-Ravens game, you saw one of the worst secondaries in the NFL completely unafraid that Ryan Tannehill could beat them downfield and jumping every short and intermediate passing route. Remind you of anyone? I can’t wait for the Dolphins to lock Tannehill up for the next 10 years so we can waste away in mediocrity. 19th pick in the draft, here we come!
 
—Justin, Miami

Have you noticed this isn't a very good comparison? Alex Smith's career record for passing yards in a season is 3,313 yards, while Tannehill has more than that in two of his first three seasons, only missing by 19 yards during his rookie season from tying Smith's career high. Tannehill has 22 TD passes this year (24 last year) and Smith has passed 20 TD's just once in his career. But in truth, yards per completion and yards per pass attempt show that Tannehill dinks and dunks the ball around the field. I don't know though, I don't see the Alex Smith comparison. It seems like Tannehill is much better at dinking and dunking, maybe it's because he throws the ball more so his numbers are better than Smith's. Of course, Smith has Jamaal Charles and a decent offensive line, while Ryan Tannehill does not have Jamaal Charles and hasn't had very good offensive lines. It's hard to throw the ball downfield when you don't have time to throw the ball downfield.

So I reject Tannehill as Alex Smith, due to Tannehill not having the same offensive line and running game that Smith has.

Steelers (-2) over FALCONS
 
Everything you need to know about the pass-friendly rules in 2014: This is Ben Roethlisberger’s 11th NFL season. He’s 32 years old. He has thrown for 4,000 yards only four times, and he has topped 30 touchdown passes only once. He’s never come within 670 yards of a 5,000-yard season, and he’s never thrown 33 TD passes. This season, he’s on pace to come within a hair of 5,000 yards and throw 36 TDs … and that’s without including this Sunday’s “I’m playing Atlanta’s atrocious defense!!!” bump.

While Bill has a point here about pass-friendly rules, it also helps that Roethlisberger has his best pass-catching running back and maybe his best receiver on the same team at the same time. Antonio Brown and Le'Veon Bell are on pace to put up about 2,600 yards between them. Throw in the reliable Heath Miller and the investment in Wheaton and Bryant, then you can see why Roethlisberger has become more successful throwing the football this year. Bill has a point, but Roethlisberger's yardage isn't chalked up entirely to the pass-friendly rules.

Q: Aren’t you intrigued by the potential of a Mike Smith-Jim Caldwell rematch in Round One?

BS: If Smith-Caldwell happens, Jalen and I might have to do a special Grantland Live postgame studio show on the Grantland Network just to rehash what happened.

That's just a brief, ever-not-subtle plug for Grantland Network and "Grantland Live" from Bill Simmons. He has to pimp Grantland's other material in his column in some fashion. Synergy is important, especially when given the chance to use his readers as a way to spin off other Grantland products.

Jalen, were you surprised when you kicked a field goal down four with three seconds left?

Sadly, many sad and lonely people would listen to this "Grantland Live" to hear Jalen Rose and Bill Simmons discuss this topic.

Deadskins (+7) over GIANTS Raiders (+10) over CHIEFS Bucs (+3.5) over PANTHERS
Not even Cam Newton’s Ewing Theory potential can get me excited about any of these three games.

Well, then definitely ignore them. I know these games don't have the drama that a Patriots-Dolphins matchup has. That's some super-intriguing football right there.

Q: You called this year’s Chiefs the worst WR crew of this century. Don’t the 2009 Browns hold that title? Leading WR: Mohamed Massaquoi: 34 rec, 624 yards, 3 TDs. Second WR: Chansi Stuckey: 19 rec, 198 yards, 1 TD. It only gets worse. Check it out.
 
—Matt G., Cleveland BS: And they had Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson throwing it to them!

Hey, watch the Derek Anderson comments. He's 2-0 this year. The best part is Brady Quinn called the Bucs-Panthers game on Sunday and I couldn't help but think of that 2009 Browns team. I would bet that Brady Quinn was sitting in the broadcast booth just thinking about how if Derek Anderson can be a backup quarterback that maybe he himself should give a comeback a try.

Yet another reason I am rooting for Johnny Football to work out. Come on, Johnny! The world is more fun when you‘re playing football well. It’s just a fact. My Not-Quite-An-Upset Special: Browns 30, Bengals 10.

Or not.

Texans (+7) over COLTS
And here’s your legitimate Upset Special: Texans 30, Colts 24, J.J. Watt MVP Campaign +1.

This is the legitimate Upset Special, not to be confused with the Not-Quite-An-Upset Special of course. Either way, neither one worked out. By the way, Bill was 75-75-1 going into this week. So he basically would have been better off simply not making picks or throwing darts at a dartboard, yet he constantly pushes his "gambling theories" on readers based on rules he made up that only pertain to this specific NFL season.

Q: You missed the mark in your Week 15 column. An action flick starring JJ Watt has to be called Mega Watt. Seriously, ESPN pays you for this?
 
—RK, Washington DC

BS: I didn’t miss the mark! Hollywood never comes up with the right title for an action movie; it’s always 30 percent off and it never totally achieves its potential. Mega Watt was the obvious pick. But Hollywood would have screwed it up and gone with Power Wattage. Here, I’ll let Scott Rudin and Amy Pascal explain in this recently hacked email exchange.

After reading this fake exchange between Rudin and Pascal, I can't imagine why Bill Simmons didn't stick around on Jimmy Kimmel's show as one of his writers. I mean, this is just some hilarious shit.

RUDIN: Did you read the Simmons column? I liked his idea for the J.J. Watt action movie.
PASCAL: I don’t know who Simmons is. Gene Simmons?
RUDIN: Bill Simmons? You’re seriously a studio executive and you don’t read Grantland?

The "seriously" should be behind the word "you" not "You're" me thinks.

Yes, the guy whose grammar and sentence structure is a partial birth abortion of the English language just corrected someone's grammar and sentence structure. Let's not focus on my issues, but instead on Bill's mistakes.

PASCAL: Don’t talk to me that way!

RUDIN: Next time you send me an email with an exclamation point, I will ram it down your throat.
PASCAL: Don’t you fucking threaten me!

RUDIN: You are the dumbest person in Hollywood! YOU COULDN’T MAKE A CUP OF COFFEE!!!
PASCAL: Why r u punishing me?

Are you entertained by this? Great. That's the sum total of Bill's little skit. I'm still waiting for the punchline. Of course, knowing Bill this whole skit is probably just some inside Hollywood talk that is intended for him and about 10 other people who read his columns. Bill would swing his dick around like that and make an inside joke in his column read by thousands, when only 10 people would get the joke. I can't imagine why he's still not writing punchlines for Kimmel.

Q: A useful tiebreaker for an MVP vote with no runaway candidate: who would we want to get the inevitable invitation to host SNL after the season?

Two things:

1. This is a dumb idea. Or as Bill would write it, this is "legitimately" a dumb idea. Which of course means that Bill is going to love this idea.

2. The "inevitable" invitation to host "SNL"? Here is a list of NFL MVP's. How many have hosted "SNL" again? There is Eli and Peyton and then...ummm...there is Tom Brady. So yeah, "it's an inevitable invitation" that only a few MVP's have received.

Is there anyone you’d rather see than J.J. Watt or Aaron Rodgers?

Steve Smith. I think he would be fun. Rob Gronkowski.

BS: I love this wrinkle.

Of course you do. It's an idea where a sports award will be chosen based on that player's ability to be a part of pop culture. It's a mix of everything ridiculous and inane about Bill's ideas.

Every year, the NFL MVP has to be a REALISTIC choice to host SNL right after the Super Bowl. (That means we’re down to a three-team race: Watt, Rodgers and Gronk.)

I guess Tom Brady isn't in the MVP race then. After all, he has already hosted "SNL" so he wouldn't be a logical choice.

BILLS (+6) over Packers
 
It’s too much of an Aaron Rodgers love-fest right now. Even Grantland’s Robert Mays, a die-hard Bears fan, did everything short of reenacting Scotty J.’s “Can I kiss you on the mouth?” scene from Boogie Nights when he discussed Rodgers in the office yesterday.

Oh, a "Boogie Nights" reference...

Isn’t he due to get banged around by an excellent defense in cold weather for four quarters, get sacked a few times, throw a tipped pick or two, maybe even fumble a shotgun snap?

Bill nailed this pick. While remembering he nailed this one, keep in mind that both of his upset specials didn't end up working out and he was .500 for the year when writing this column.

RAVENS (-14) over Jaguars

Q: Based on your criteria for LVU (“Least Valuable Unit”), shouldn’t 2014’s winner be the Ravens secondary? Keep in mind they’re solid front 7 — how good would this team be with an average secondary, especially at the end of games? If not for their secondary, they’d be sitting at 9-3, leading the division and fighting for a bye. Instead they’re fighting to make the playoffs.

—Sam, Boulder

You mean the Ravens secondary that just put it's 5th DB on Injured Reserve this season? That LVU? How would the Broncos do if they had lost five DB's this season? How would any NFL team do if they had lost so many members of the secondary? So let's worry more about getting informed and worry less about writing "if not for their secondary..." in an effort to get in Bill's mailbag and justify your existence by writing about LVU's.

BS: I’m still backing Kansas City’s receivers. When you’re running four-yard outs in a one-minute drill situation down by three in a must-win game, you know your receivers are an out-and-out travesty. Besides, Baltimore’s secondary might not come back to haunt the Ravens until Round 2! They finish the season with Blake Bortles, Ryan Fitzpatrick and Johnny Manziel — none of those guys is torching them. If they win the AFC North, they’re hosting a no. 5 seed or a no. 6 seed in Round 1 — that’s either Phil Rivers (trouble),

Really? No mention of the injuries to the Ravens' secondary? I think this merits a huge mention, but whatever. It's not like Bill should write a weekly NFL picks column and actually be informed about the games he is picking. Also, it's not "Phil Rivers." That's just dumb sounding.

Q: Jim Nantz just previewed next week’s Thursday night game between the Jags and Titans and Phil Simms responded with “I’m really looking forward to it.” No laughter, he seemed dead serious.

—Mike, Santa Monica

BS: That’s reason no. 547 why CBS needs to demote Simms next spring and replace him with Rex Ryan. Sports fans should be allowed to vote every year on secretly important things like “Who’s our no. 1 NFL color analyst for the three major networks?” If that CBS vote were “Rex or Simms,” I think Rex carries 96.7 percent of the vote. But major networks and local cable networks are abjectly terrified of ever demoting a lead play-by-play or color announcer.

Part of the reason networks don't do this is because of silly little things like contracts and the fact the public is fickle and would just vote out whatever announcer they just voted for the previous year. Phil Simms gets paid like the #1 color analyst for CBS. If Rex Ryan is promoted to that spot then he is going to want to be paid like the #1 color analyst for CBS. These guys don't work on year-to-year contracts, so at some point CBS would be paying 2-3 guys to be the #1 color analyst for them. That's one reason they don't do this. I would think that someone who has worked in television could understand this.

CHARGERS (+4.5) over Broncos
 
According to Mike Sando, only Brian Hoyer (nine) and Andy Dalton (nine) have thrown more picks than Peyton Manning (eight) since Week 9. Also, this feels like a cross between a Kitchen Sink Game and a Phil Rivers Doing Phil Rivers Stuff Game for the Chargers 

What's with the "Phil Rivers" thing?

… and if you’re the Broncos, do you REALLY need this game? Aren’t they locked into a no. 2 seed? 

Yes, because if there is anything that the public knows about Peyton Manning it's that he will intentionally not try hard to win a football game because he already has the no. 2 seed locked up in the AFC. Besides the fact that Bill's prediction ended up being wrong, does Bill really think the Broncos would just not try to win this game?

Q: You made a “Worst coach to appear in the Superbowl” list without Jim Caldwell? I am giving you the Jim Caldwell/Art Shell look right now.
 
—Ryan Jacobs, Nashville
BS: I had to cross him off because he’s nine games over .500 for his career (35-26). Believe me … it hurt.

You can still put him on the list if you would like. Don't let his career record stop you from doing this.

Q: I can’t believe you ran a mailbag answer looking at the worst coaches to make a Super Bowl and didn’t mention Jim Caldwell. People legitimately wondered if the Colts had installed a mannequin on the sidelines. 

One of the annoying trends that I blame Bill Simmons for is the use of "legitimate" in situations where it is not at all required. Of course, Bill's lemming readers start doing this as well. People didn't just "wonder" if the Colts installed a mannequin on the sidelines (how do you install a mannequin? Can't you just place a mannequin on the sidelines with no installation necessary?), they "legitimately wondered" if the Colts installed a mannequin. If you know the difference, then you are a much smarter person than me.

BS: Looks like the perfect time to break out Week 15’s Shakey’s Pizza Watch:...RG3 unexpectedly turning into the MGMT of football (great debut album, and then the wheels came off);

This is a forced reference, and much like a joke that needs to be explained, if Bill has to explain the reference then it's not a good reference. The point of saying RG3 is "the MGMT of football" is to avoid saying "RG3 had a great debut but then the wheels came off." Naturally, Bill uses the reference and then explains it. It's legitimately counterproductive to use the reference and then explain it, as well as legitimately ruins the purpose of using the reference in the first place.

Goodell’s now-documented performance during the Rice appeal hearing; the fact that we have to carefully write headlines like “Transcript shows inconsistencies in Goodell’s testimony on Rice matter.”

When Bill leaves ESPN, the first thing he publishes is his column about Roger Goodell. I know it's written already, he just has to publish it.

SEAHAWKS (-10) over 49ers
 
They can’t make that Seahawks line high enough. Kaepernick is a broken man — even Mischa Barton didn’t flame out this fast.

See? While this is a Mischa Barton reference, it's a reference that doesn't require an explanation. This is legitimately how it is supposed to work when making a reference.

Q: What would be more fun: Harbaugh going to Oakland, making a beast out of Carr (who’s been really promising) and taking the Raiders to the playoffs? Or him going to the Jets, drafting Mariota and laying waste to the AFC East?

—Ibrahim, João Pessoa, Brazil

Harbaugh isn't laying waste to the AFC East with Brady and Belichick still alive and working for the Patriots.

BS: What about Harbaugh going to Michigan just a few weeks after there was so much action on a “Harbaugh goes to Michigan bet” that a gambling site actually had to PULL THAT BET?

They pulled the bet not just because there was so much action on Harbaugh going to Michigan, but because they were afraid someone had insider information and was making that bet. So it was as much about insider information as it was about Harbaugh going to Michigan being a real thing that could happen.

Saints (-3) over BEARS

Q: You mentioned Bill Simmons Road in your last column, which made me giggle uncontrollably in the middle of class, leading my professor to stare awkwardly as I played it off.

You are a very sad person if this is true. How did you play giggling uncontrollably in the middle of the class off?

"Oh no professor, I wasn't laughing at you, but I have daddy issues and I need a 40+ year old man to be my role model in life so I read Bill Simmons' column every week in the hopes that one day he will answer one of my emails and justify my existence. I was just laughing at something he wrote because he's the cool dad that I have always wanted to have in my life."

As a longtime resident of Colleyville, TX I can honestly say that Bill Simmons Road gets little traffic. It’s one of the few roads in town where there are no streetlights and houses are spread far apart, which made it an incredibly convenient place to get down with girls in the backseat of my car when I was in high school.

If you laugh uncontrollably in the middle of the class at something Bill Simmons has written then the odds of you getting down in the backseat of a car in any form other than dancing with a girl who has you in the friend zone in the back of a pickup truck are not high. Not trying to be rude, just a little realistic. Plus, given that I'm not sure Bill's reader questions come from real people, I'm guessing Timothy from Colleyville isn't a real person. I've just been mean to a figment of Bill's imagination.

In fact, many a sexscapade was had on Bill Simmons road by my friends, classmates, and other town residents. Congratulations on sharing that legacy. Come visit Bill Simmons Road sometime, although I suggest seeing it during the daytime in order to avoid seeing more than you bargained for.
 
–Timmy J., Colleyville

I shouldn't be mean to someone I don't know. I just feel pity. It's odd to hear a grown person idolize a middle-aged sportswriter as much as some of Bill's lemmings idolize him. Why write in to Bill and talk about this? Other than to be in his mailbag of course.

BS: Good Lord, we’re in range.

Bill has been using the same joke at the end of every mailbag (which means lately it's been at the end of everything Bill writes) for the last 15 years now and in no way is that pathetic.

Q: Just wanted to let you know that every Tuesday and Thursday evening of my junior year in high school I would drive my car to the top of the hill on Bill Simmons Road and get some action from my girlfriend.

Okay, slugger. It sounds great to brag about it in an email to a middle-aged man.

(Again, I doubt this guy exists, so I'm being snarky to a figment of Bill's imagination)

I hope for her sake her Dad doesn’t read this column, not like I give a damn though.
 
—Tanner, Colleyville

Right, because you are a rebel like that. You don't care if her dad reads this column because what's he going to you? You'd be all like, "'Sup bro? You got something you wanna say to me? I 'got action' from your daughter and won't apologize for it. Come get some of me old man who is probably the same age as the guy I just wrote to bragging about getting some action from your daughter."

BS: Yup, these are my readers.

Yes. They are your readers. You make each other look bad sometimes...if they even exist.

6 comments Matt Adams Lightly Shoved a Fan; The Media Shrugs Their Shoulders and Carries On

Despite the fact I'm about to write something brief about Matt Adams lightly shoving a fan, I really don't think it is a very big deal that deserves a lot of attention. I feel like I need to comment though, because I can think of another situation recently where an athlete shoved a fan and it became a very big deal and received a lot of attention. The media essentially ignored that Adams shoved a Reds fan, while Marcus Smart shoving a fan was an important part of the 24 hour news cycle in early February. There are differences in two situations and let me point them out:

1. Smart is an "amateur" athlete who is 19 years old. Matt Adams is a professional athlete who is 25 years old.

2. Smart shoved the fan more violently than Adams shoved the Reds fan.

3. Smart seemed to have been provoked, while the Reds fan seems to have made the mistake of trying to catch a foul ball and this angered Adams. Smart's shove was harder, but unprovoked, while Adams shove was lighter but unprovoked.

4. The media had bunches of hot sports takes on Smart shoving a fan, while it was essentially just noted that Adams pushed a Reds fan without any real outrage on the level of Smart shoving the Texas Tech fan. Maybe Smart should have just shoved the fan more lightly and no one would have cared?

5. Smart apologized, while Adams stated he didn't know he shoved the fan. More on that in a minute. 

6. Smart was suspended 3 games and Adams has not been suspended. These were some of the reactions to Smart shoving the Texas Tech fan.

These are the reactions from Twitter. 

This is Pat Forde discussing Marcus Smart's "downward spiral." Forde compared it to the Malice at the Palace and said something "swift and significant" needed to be done. Forde also said "the most vile of language would not have justified Smart's actions." Smart was supposed to swallow the language and move on like any profes---amateur college athlete is supposed to do.

The was a discussion on how his shove affected Smart's draft stock. Pat Forde also discussed Smart's draft stock in his column about Marcus Smart. Because the most important thing to come out of that incident is Smart's current value as a commodity.

Again, I really don't think the shove by Adams is a huge deal and the media seemed to agree, but I also wasn't up in arms about Smart shoving a Texas Tech fan and every sportswriter had a hot sports take on what they thought should be Smart's punishment. It's interesting to me how essentially Adams shove of a fan is glossed over, seeing as he is a professional athlete, while Smart's shove of a fan was well-covered and reported and he's a 19 year old kid. I hate to say this because it is a strawman argument, but what if Yasiel Puig shoved a fan? Bill Plaschke would jump out of his pants writing a column about how Puig should be immediately deported.

In case someone hasn't seen it, here is Adams shoving the fan. The fan is standing in the stands and it is Adams leaning over into the crowd to catch the ball. He gives him a small shove with his glove and then the fan flips off Adams later. It's really a non-incident, yet I can't help but wonder why this isn't being covered breathlessly by the same sports media that insists college athletes should not be treated as professionals, yet expects a college athlete to act like a professional, but doesn't seem to hold the professionals to that same standard.

Here is the fan's story about the incident. 

Three weeks removed from surgery on his right knee, Chris Smith still had a knee brace and crutches in his seat in section 134 when Chris Heisey's pop-up down first-base line came right toward him.

Armed with his glove, Smith was able to pop up and reach up -- not out over the field, but still within his seating area -- when he felt two pops, first the ball in his glove, and the second the glove of Cardinals first baseman Matt Adams, shoving the Colerain resident. Because he caught the ball without pressure on his right leg, Smith was off-balance and fell backwards into his seat.

The fact Smith was off-balance made the push look a lot worse than it actually was. I don't doubt that. Either way, Adams laid a hand on a fan, even if that hand was covered with a glove.

Leaning over the tarp, Adams was in position to catch the ball, but Smith had his glove above Adams' glove and made the catch. A fan has the right to catch a ball if he doesn't go into the field of play, and replays showed Smith didn't.

Both Smart and Adams went into the fan's domain and neither fan was interfering with what is considered the player's domain.

"He didn't say anything," Smith said. "He just looked at me right in the face and walked away."

Adams was then told he did make contact with Smith.

"I'm not that type of guy to go after anybody," Adams said. "I was just trying to stop from going into the stands and stop from falling in there."

And this is the part where Matt Adams starts telling tiny stories. He didn't know he made contact with the fan? He clearly pushed him with his glove. The fact Adams says he was trying to stop from going into the stands is bullshit if you watch the replay. Adams is lying prone on the field cover and very easily could have backed off the cover without any difficulty, but he chose to push the fan, THEN back off the field cover. I find it incredibly tough to believe he pushed the fan to prevent himself from falling in the stands. In fact, I would consider to be a lie. Not to mention he could have pushed himself back on the field using a much more stable item than a human being, like say the railing that lines the entire field separating the field from the fans in the stands.

Matheny looked puzzled when asked about the incident, but then backed his player, saying he assumed it was Adams trying not to go "tail-over-tea kettle" into the stands.

Which by seeing the video of the incident doesn't sound plausible.

Adams said he thought he'd make the catch if Smith didn't first.

Which would explain his frustration and why he shoved Smith out of frustration.

"I heard the whole section was flipping me off," Adams said, "but I can't let that bother me."

How professional of you. Maybe Marcus Smart should have said he didn't remember shoving the fan and he knew fans were cursing at him as he left the court, but he can't let that bother him. How quickly would he have been painted as a non-caring, out of touch athlete?

Smith said he noticed Adams and the umpire talk, but nobody else -- the umpire or an usher -- had anything to say to him.

Of course not, it was a light shove. Who cares? Well, if Yasiel Puig shoved a fan I imagine the media would care and if Adams shoved the fan harder it would become a bigger deal. Apparently intent doesn't count when it comes to the reaction by the sports media. Shove a fan, just do it lightly. Right?

From what I saw, this was the sum total of the "St. Louis Post-Dispatch" coverage of the incident, other than mentioning MLB was looking into it. It's an article that says, "Adams says he didn't know he shoved Reds fan." It's interesting to me how this shove isn't being covered much on a local or national level. Very interesting.

To say that Cardinals first baseman Matt Adams was in the midst of the action both on and off the field here these last few days would be a conservative assessment. But when you’re 260 or so pounds, everywhere you are is in the middle of something.

He just hustles too hard, that's the problem. And oh yeah, Matt Adams shoved a guy who he probably outweighed by 60 pounds or so. Nothing to see here. Adams is fortunate he wasn't a college student or else he would have been suspended. Intent doesn't matter apparently, it's all about how hard the fan gets shoved.

Adams had five hits in 12 at-bats in the three-game series with Cincinnati, including three doubles, with four of the hits going the opposite way, in his case, to left field.

He made a nifty pickup on a short hop from shortstop Jhonny Peralta after whiffing on a one-hopper Peralta had thrown earlier in the inning. He dropped a routine throw on a double-play ball.

And yes, this entire story about how Adams lightly shoved a fan is framed in the context of his current performance on the field. The only article I could find written by the "Post-Dispatch" mentioning Adams' shove in the title wasn't entirely about the shove. Nothing to see here, move on, unless it's a college athlete in which case he should be suspended! Intent doesn't matter at all.

And, in the third inning Thursday, Adams lunged into the stands to try to catch a pop foul off Chris Heisey’s bat. A fan with a glove made a nifty reception and Adams, off balance in the stands, gave the fan a shove with his gloved hand, according to television replays, although Adams said there was no malice aforethought.

All Marcus Smart had to say was that he didn't have any malice. If only he had known that at the time.

“I was trying to stop,” said Adams. “I hit the tarp and I tried from going into the stands. People came up to me and said I shoved him. I didn’t know I had.

“I’m not that type of guy to go after anybody. I was just trying to keep from going into the stands.”

That makes sense. Adams didn't know he shoved the fan, but he shoved the fan because he was trying not to go into the stands. Unfortunately the video tells a different story. Marcus Smart should have just said he was trying to use the Texas Tech fan to prevent himself from going further into the stands. He just needed some backwards momentum to get off the court, that's all.

Adams, however, did commend the fan for his play.

What a nice guy. Maybe Marcus Smart should have commended the Texas Tech fan for being able to cheer so loudly and everyone would have gotten off his case.

“I was in line for it,” he said. “Then I hit the tarp and I heard it hit his glove. I figured he had caught it because I didn’t feel it coming into mine.”

So Adams knew the fan was there, didn't know he shoved him, but knew he was using the fan's body to repel himself back on the field. It sounds completely believable.

After Adams had made contact with the fan, the fan flipped him off. “I heard the whole section was flipping me off,” said Adams, laughing. “But I can’t let that bother me.”

And of course Adams had no idea why the fans in that section were flipping him off, right? So he must have been confused. After all, he didn't know he shoved the fan, so he wouldn't have had an idea why that section was flipping him off as a result. Right, that's his story?

Like a defensive shift, for instance.

And back to baseball.

So what happened here is a professional baseball player lightly shoved a fan who did not provoke this baseball player, the baseball player is lying about not knowing he shoved the fan, and it's all used as an anecdote to discuss this baseball player's recent play. An amateur basketball player shoved a fan who provoked this athlete, the athlete apologized, and what resulted was criticism the suspension wasn't enough and was used as an anecdote to predict this amateur basketball player would fall in the NBA Draft. Hmm...there is a difference in these two situations, but the media's reaction (or non-reaction) still surprises me. Seems an amateur athlete is being held to a higher standard than a professional athlete.

5 comments Marcus Smart Needs Professional Help Apparently

I'm sure everyone has seen and heard about Marcus Smart pushing a Texas Tech fan (There are Texas Tech basketball fans? They exist?) for taunting him or calling him "a piece of crap." It was uncalled for and Marcus Smart was definitely in the wrong for pushing the fan and deserved some sort of suspension. Given the fact the fan was an adult taunting a 19 year old kid I tend to think 3 games was sufficient. After all, Marcus Smart isn't a professional and college athletes shouldn't have to put up with some of the shit dished out by fans. Today I have three writers who all think Marcus Smart should have gotten a longer suspension, but do so in different ways, including one who couldn't be bothered to gets his facts straight as he condemned Smart with his computer keyboard.

I'll start first with Pat Forde who says that Marcus Smart deserved a harsher suspension, perhaps the death penalty?

The three-game suspension handed down jointly by the Big 12 Conference and Oklahoma State to the Cowboys’ star guard after shoving a fan at Texas Tech is lighter than it should have been. Not egregiously lighter – three games is not insignificant – but Smart should have missed at least half of Oklahoma State’s remaining eight regular-season games, if not more.

I'm already confused by the opening paragraph. Pat Forde states the following:

1. Marcus Smart got off easy. His suspension should have been heavier than it was.

2. Smart's suspension isn't insignificant. Three games is a lot of games.

3. Even though three games isn't insignificant, it's not significant enough. Smart should have missed at least one more game.

4. Smart should probably have missed more than four games, but the exact amount of games Smart should have missed is unstated by Forde. 

So if three game isn't significant and four games is the minimum amount of games Smart should have missed, then how many games does Pat Forde think Marcus Smart should have missed? This is never clarified and the reader is left to guess.

Smart crossed a line that athletes have known for decades not to cross – do not assault a fan. No matter what is said.

Smart pushed the fan. It's not like he punched him in the face. Smart was being taunted by a grown man and lost his cool. He shouldn't be let off easy for that, but I think there's a much larger case to be made that the fan's behavior in this situation was the very reason Smart pushed him and the fan instigated the incident. I realize Smart should not have pushed the fan, but there are a lot of fans out there who think they can say or do whatever they want to these players (unpaid, "amateur" players at that) without repercussions. It's bad enough the NCAA uses players as unpaid labor, but to expect these kids to endure taunts by non-grown up grown ups is a bit too much to ask sometimes in my opinion. This larger case won't be made and there won't be a larger conversation about why it is fine for a middle-aged man to verbally abuse a college student. So that's that.

To be sure, there is no need to “crucify” Smart, to use the loaded verbiage of Oklahoma State athletic director Mike Holder.

There's no need to crucify him, it's just that Smart needs to be punished more severely while the fan is left to punish himself through whatever method he sees fit. Pat Forde doesn't think Smart should be crucified, he should just miss as many of the remaining regular season games as possible.

But a more significant suspension would not ruin the young man’s career or life, and would reinforce the vital message that athletes cannot go into the stands (or even to the edge of them) and get physical with fans.

I think three games sends that message. And really, Pat Forde is overstating what Smart did. Smart didn't really go into the stands any more than he was already in the stands after the ball was whistled dead. He moved a little further into the stands to confront the man he believed was heckling him. I completely agree that players can't get physical with fans, but where is the fan's responsibility in this equation? Sure, Jeff Orr bought a ticket, but he didn't buy permission to verbally abuse college athletes while they are playing a sport. His ticket isn't an invitation to do or say whatever he wants to say.

When Smart had his chair-kicking tantrum against West Virginia on Jan. 25, there was no public institutional reaction. Not during the game, not after, and not in terms of the starting lineup two days later against Oklahoma in Norman.

Travis Ford went soft on Smart then, tacitly enabling the uncontrolled behavior that would only get worse Saturday night in Lubbock.

I completely believe that Travis Ford was not present enough in this situation. He should have taken more control after the fact then he ended up taking. I don't know if Ford enabled Smart, but I'm not sure if Smart had been taken out of the starting lineup on January 25 he would have avoided pushing Jeff Orr.

To be sure, the three games Smart will miss are important ones: at Texas on Tuesday, home against rival Oklahoma on Saturday and at Baylor on Feb. 17. 

If that happens, a team that began the year ranked in the top 10 would be 4-9 in the Big 12 and would seemingly need to mount a furious rally in the rest of the regular season and the conference tourney to reach the NCAA tournament.

In Travis Ford's defense, it's not easy to take a really talented team and win basketball games. It takes game planning and coaching. You can't just recruit these guys and expect to win games, so perhaps actually coaching the Oklahoma State team may be more than Ford is capable of doing.

The other unsatisfying element of Oklahoma State’s press conference Sunday was the school’s refusal to say what words Smart heard from Texas Tech fan Jeff Orr. The OSU radio broadcast team reported Saturday night that it overheard Smart tell the Cowboys coaching staff he was called the N-word. 

I think bringing up exactly what was said is difficult to prove and would only serve to prolong the incident in the minds of the public. I'm guessing Oklahoma State just wanted this to be over with.

In an apologetic statement Sunday, Orr refuted that, saying he called Smart “a piece of crap.”

Oh, well that's much better then.

Neither is acceptable communication from an adult to a college athlete, and it is welcome news that Orr said he will voluntarily attend no more Texas Tech games this season. But a racial slur would be significantly worse.

It does matter what Orr said, but then again it really doesn't matter. Either way, he said something that set Marcus Smart off and has a history of semi-unruly fan conduct. It's nice that Orr has the chance to choose his punishment. If anyone got off easy, it's probably Orr. He's lucky Texas Tech didn't ban him from any further games this year or even next year. In fact, there is precedent in the NBA for fans to be banned for life for bad behavior against athletes. Five fans who helped to ignite the Melee at the Palace in 2004 were suspended for life from attending Pistons games. Obviously the scale is smaller here, but there is a precedent for fans to be punished for inciting a player's temper. The Melee at the Palace occurred in the NBA, where I think the players have more of a duty to the fans who pay their salary, and the fans still got punished severely for their behavior.

If we want to eradicate such hateful speech from athletic venues, step up and call it out. Identify the churls who need to be tossed out of sporting arenas, and the words that fans should never be allowed to say without (non-violent) repercussion.

Again, it makes sense to know that Oklahoma State wants this to all go away so this incident will be in the past, as opposed to playing a game of "He said-He said" over the next week or so as people analyze audio tapes to find out exactly what phrase or slur (if he uttered one) that Jeff Orr said. And it's not necessarily the responsibility of Oklahoma State to point out to Texas Tech which fans should be tossed out of the arena. As the home team, along with it being their arena, that responsibility is on Texas Tech security to keep civility.

The silence from Oklahoma State on this issue doesn’t help the situation.

I love how Pat Forde claims the onus is on Oklahoma State to prove something they don't care to prove in order to prove a point the school doesn't appear to care to make.

And it doesn’t help clear Smart’s name. If he concocted the racial slur as an excuse for his actions, that’s one more reason to question his character.

At no point has Marcus Smart claimed Jeff Orr called him any kind of racial slur. So the mere idea created by Pat Forde that Smart "concocted" this racial slur as an excuse for his actions is just a pure fantasy on the part of Forde. Smart has concocted nothing and the only reason to question Smart's character is based on this incident alone, despite Forde's attempts to find other reasons to question Smart's character.

The stage is set for a made-for-TV parable about the chastened guard’s return as a wiser young man.

Hopefully he will be. But for a guy whose biggest historic impact on college basketball will probably be going after a fan, this feels like a premature return.

This is Smart's biggest historic impact as long as sportswriters continue to bring this incident up, especially with the implication that Marcus Smart lied about what Jeff Orr stated that set Smart off. Marcus Smart hasn't stated anything about what Orr did or didn't say. He has apologized and that's it. That's not a fun story to cover though, so Pat Forde wants Oklahoma State to continue the story by trying to find out exactly what Jeff Orr said, all while wondering if Smart concocted a story. Forde ignores the fact that Smart hasn't spoken publicly at all about what he heard and any "story" being concocted hasn't come from Smart. Let's blame Smart for lying now too.

Tom Keegan of KUSports.com (a clearly unbiased group of people) says in his "Double-Chin Music" blog that Marcus Smart needs professional help, which seems like a bit of an overreaction to Smart pushing a fan. 

Let's hope Marcus Smart, spiraling dangerously out of control, gets the suspension he deserves and the counseling help he clearly needs.

I'm not underplaying what happened, but Marcus Smart, who is a kid, pushed a fan. He's clearly in the wrong and this should never have happened. But this means he needs counseling? I don't know. 

Something — perhaps the decision to turn down probable guaranteed millions by returning to Oklahoma State for a sophomore season back-firing with each missed three-point shot that easily could have been an assist for a better shooter — clearly is eating at the projected lottery pick of a year ago.

Actually, it's probably the constant losing and underachieving that has Marcus Smart on edge. It also didn't help that a grown man was taunting him and calling him names. 

I also enjoy how Keegan ties this in to Smart's draft stock and how it is plummeting. Because kicking Smart while he's down and suggesting he needs counseling isn't enough, Keegan also has to seemingly criticize Marcus Smart for staying in school one more year at the expense of his lottery stock, as if Smart would have stayed in school if he really cared too much about his draft stock potentially falling. 

The saddest aspect of Smart's night came after his unbelievable shove of a man who appeared to be in his late '50s or so.

Of course Keegan leaves out that a man in his late 50's who is taunting a college athlete could probably benefit from some counseling as well. Clearly there's some rage or issues with identifying himself too closely with the Texas Tech team that Jeff Orr has. But that's right, why criticize the fan when the amateur athlete is such an easy target?

He was escorted off the court by a man from the Oklahoma State bench who clearly was concerned Smart was capable of making a horrible situation worse.

Well Smart had just shoved a fan and this man from the Oklahoma State bench was concerned about getting Smart off the court safely before anything else happened. This isn't a sad aspect, but an occurrence that often happens when a player on the visiting squad is ejected from a game. 

Smart needs professional help.

I'm not entirely sure this is true. It sounds like Smart needs to think more before acts and understand that it is not acceptable to push a fan, no matter how much of an asshole the fan is being. 

After he gets it and is allowed to return to the court at some point, his road map back to a spot in the NBA draft is not all that difficult to follow: 1. Break down the defense with drives to the hoop and pass the ball to one of three more skilled scorers on the floor with him: Brown, Le'Bryan Nash, Phil Forte; 2. Stop flopping; 3. Stay on the court.

Again, Smart was already off the court when the ball was whistled dead. He lost his temper and that's unforgivable, but many of these sportswriters who condemn Smart are the same ones who don't read the comments on columns they have written because they don't find these comments worthy of reading? Imagine if those comments were screamed at the writer as he tried to write another column, I wonder how easy it would be to remain calm and focused?

David Jones of "The Patriot News" in Central PA says that Marcus Smart got off too easily and then proceeds to getting facts incorrect in an effort to draw a parallel to the 2004 Melee at the Palace between the Pacers and Pistons.

A 3-game suspension for Marcus Smart? Not enough. Not nearly enough.

Death to Marcus Smart! We can't have angry amateur athletes coming after middle-aged white men simply because the middle-aged white man called the amateur athlete "a piece of crap." What kind of world do we live in where a grown man can't yell at and calls names in the direction of a college kid all in the name of sports? Not a world that David Jones cares to live in, that's for sure.

A lot you can excuse just before, during or just after a hotly fought major athletic contest. If you get this far, it means you’re a competitor. Add the juice of adrenaline to such a personality and you can come up with a nitroglycerine moment.

I'm not downplaying it, but Smart pushed the guy. I've pushed people before and then realized I was in the wrong (not often, but it's happened once or twice) and immediately apologized. Smart didn't immediately apologize, but he was contrite the next day. It's not like he punched Jeff Orr.

But I think there’s a line that cannot be crossed without extreme punishment. That line is the one that divides the playing surface from the seats.

But where is the line on fan behavior. Perhaps I'm too blinded by the fact this is a college athlete, but Marcus Smart is 19 years old. 19 years he has been on Earth. Jeff Orr is much older than that and he seemingly has a history of taunting and misbehaving while cheering at Texas Tech athletic events. Where's the line for him? I won't excuse Smart's behavior, but where's the line drawn between simple cheering and attempts to incite the opposing players'?

I cannot believe the Big 12 decided to levy only three games against Smart. It does not matter that the Texas Tech fan who verbally accosted him and whoever those goggle-eyed women around him were look like some fanatical hayseeds.

It does matter though. There has to be some recognition that a grown adult was calling a college athlete names and that is what set Smart off. I would again ask David Jones how he would feel if those people he sees as idiots in the comments of his articles said those things to him while he was trying to write a column? Many writers don't read their comments because they are so negative and useless, but professional (and amateur) athletes hear those comments directed at them during a sporting event. How would David Jones react if he had to hear negative comments about him and heard his readers calling him names?

It does not matter what any fan says to him in such a situation, even if he is called “a piece of crap.”

Well, it does matter what a fan says to Smart. Some comments are incredibly inflammatory, though I wouldn't consider calling Smart "a piece of crap" as incredibly inflammatory.

He can’t engage in any physical contact. If he does, it should mean dire consequences. No grace period.

Smart can't engage in physical contact and he was suspended three games for engaging in physical contact. I think that's sufficient.

In my mind, the same rules should hold for any fan. Yelling and screaming insults may be socially objectionable but that’s what has traditionally passed for license paid by the price of a ticket.

I think fans have a license to cheer for their team, but my personal opinion is if a fan decides he's going to start taunting a player and thinks the fact he has a ticket will hold him back from potentially getting his ass kicked by a player then he's dead wrong. An athlete should not accost or physically threaten a fan, but if some dumbass is calling a player names, slurs or just generally being rude in order to get under the athlete's skin, then he/she better prepare for getting under the athlete's skin.

If a fan crosses the line into any area of play or makes violent contact with a player when he or she inadvertently enters the seats during play, the club or school hosting the event should ban that fan for life. It’s just inexcusable.

Agreed, but the Melee at the Palace set a precedent for fan behavior as well. Five fans behaved terribly and will never attend another Pistons game (which probably pleases them at this point) as a result.

Smart should’ve been pined for at least the rest of the regular season – seven more games – and maybe for all of it.

I guess David Jones means the rest of the postseason as well when he says "maybe for all of it," because seven more games is all of the regular season.

But when you violently shove a fan for any reason, it shows a fundamental immaturity that can’t be abided. It’s the type of conduct for which adults must administer not just a punishment but a deterrent.

It's somewhat ironic that David Jones talks about adults administering a deterrent since it was an adult who helped to create the situation in the first place. I guess that doesn't matter to David Jones that Jeff Orr helped to instigate the situation in his own right and possibly this is the reason Smart's punishment was "only" three games.

It’s usually smarter, certainly fairer and more reasonable to base suspensions upon each individual case.

And in this individual case, Smart's push was instigated by a fan taunting him and calling him a piece of crap. But you know, let's not take each situation on a case-by-case basis and just set out ground rules. Fuck being smart and fair.

But what Smart did is different. It’s a breach of the basic laws of civic behavior in a public realm of the type that’s become more and more common.

It's become more common with fans at games too. Don't forget this.

The horrific mess in Detroit in 2006 is evidence of what can happen when fans (those spiked with alcohol) and players with adrenaline mix together.

What happened in Detroit in 2006? I think David Jones is referring to the Melee at the Palace which occurred in 2004. It's just like one of these mainstream media bloggers to work so hard on proving his opinion correct that he neglects ensuring the information he is providing is correct. I'm guessing David Jones was pounding the keyboard with such a fury he didn't have time to make sure he knew when the Melee at the Palace occurred.

In this case, unlike Detroit, the player was at greater fault.

It seems to me the Melee at the Palace was a more escalated version of this Smart-Orr incident. Artest could easily have ignored the drink thrown at him, just like Smart could have ignored the comment directed towards him. I don't think the situations are comparable, but instead of a drink being thrown there were words being directed at a player and instead of a player attacking and punching a fan, a fan got pushed. There's a difference obviously, but I find the fault of the fan and player to be proportionate in both situations...just on a much smaller scale. 

Unfortunately, the Big 12 came up small and its message was weak. We can only hope college basketball doesn’t pay for that down the line the way the NBA did eight years ago in Detroit.

10 years ago. It was 10 years ago when the Melee at the Palace occurred. But hey, good strong take on the Marcus Smart situation. Your opinion is solid even if your recitation of facts isn't.

Death to Marcus Smart! He should act like an adult while the adult acting like a child should feel free to punish himself however he sees fit. After all, he's a fan with a ticket so he can do whatever he wants with no repercussions.

5 comments Rick Reilly Still Hates Sports and Writing Good Columns about Sports

Most people know Rick Reilly is the worst. Whether it is imploring Stuart Scott to say he broke an injury first on Twitter when this wasn't the case, burying Notre Dame prior to this season only to see them go undefeated, or report a player made the team bus wait for 40 minutes when this wasn't true...he has a history of awfulness. He also recycles his old columns and presents them as new columns with slight re-wording and wears Ed Hardy shirts. Recently, Rick Reilly does us one better and re-wrote a couple of ideas from two old columns into one new column. All he had to do was combine his hatred for sports with his hatred for live football. He claims it makes no sense to attend an NFL game and then lists (because he always has a list) reasons why this is true.

This is the same old tired article that gets written a couple of times a year about how there is too much security at a football game and the fans act too crazy. Rick Reilly really doesn't enjoy sports like football and baseball. That's the difference in this column and the other 200 similar columns that have been written. On Reilly's list of the Top 10 sporting events to see live he has no mention of any football game and includes the Home Run Derby (yawn), the Iditarod (Maybe for the experience around the Iditarod, but not for the actual competition), America's Cup, and the Tour de France (even the most diehard cycling lover would possibly agree three weeks of this race isn't the fifth best sporting event to see live). Rick simply doesn't enjoy the major sports. He doesn't like baseball on television and he doesn't enjoy live football. He enjoys the upper crust sports like golf and sailing. Mingling with someone below his pay level? No thank you, he's above that. Watching a baseball game on television. Boring. Having to be in public with regular football fans? They are just barbarians!

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said recently that the reason NFL ticket sales are down over the past five years is HD television.

That reason, plus the economy...that's a conclusion I can somewhat buy.

Oh, Rog, Rog, Rog. There are so many reasons that NFL games, like teenage boys, are better at home.

Why are teenage boys better at home? Because Rick Reilly likes teenage boys in an inappropriate way and he want to be with them alone at home using football as a lure? I broke it first! Be sure to give me credit for accusing Reilly of liking teenage boys in an appropriate way. Sure, it's libelous, but I was first.

I've mentioned a few before, but how about 20 more?

Acknowledging you are plagiarizing yourself doesn't let you off the hook for being an uninspired and boring writer. It only shows you are aware of your terribleness and lack of new column ideas so you resort to partially copying what you have already written.

There are several reasons to attend an NFL game. It's the experience of cheering with thousands of other fans who cheer for the same team as you. It's about seeing the game from a different perspective than on television. It's the chance to get closer to the field and the players. It's the experience of tailgating with friends and to be able to say, "I was there for that," when something really cool happens. It's about creating memories (wipes away tear). I don't remember every NFL game I've watched on television, but I remember every NFL game I have been to over the last 10 years. Yes an NFL game is expensive, so if a person doesn't choose to go to NFL games then that is his/her choice. Simply because Rick Reilly doesn't like having to attend an NFL game doesn't mean they aren't worth attending for some people. There things a person can see when watching an NFL game in person they wouldn't see on television. Rick loves watching golf live, but what can you see in person that you can't see on television when it comes to golf?

1) At home, you don't have to stand in line to pee.

2) At home, you don't have to stand in line to pee while watching a drunk pee in a sink.

I've seen quite a few things in a public bathroom, but I have never seen a drunk pee in a sink at a sporting event. I'm sure Rick has seen this a lot as he uses the bathroom in the press box and he isn't just writing down stereotypes of fan behavior he hasn't personally seen because he's too good to use the public bathroom at an NFL game.

3) The average cost of a beer at an NFL game is $7.13. In your fridge, it's about a buck. And it's colder. And you can keep the cap if you want.

That is why a person should tailgate before the game and drink beer prior to the game. You can keep the beer cold, eat food with your friends and keep the cap off the beer. Problem solved.

4) At home, you will not get one of those precious beers accidentally poured down your neck.

I'm pretty sure that's only an issue you would have if you are a famous sportswriter who sucks at your job. Welcome to the world, Rick. People know you are stealing money from ESPN and have given up being a quality writer. While I normally wouldn't mind someone stealing money from ESPN, at least do so less blatantly.

At a Monday night game in Phoenix three weeks ago, I was standing on the field when a guy yelled at me, "Hey, Feherty," as he spilled his Budweiser down the neck of the guy in front of him, "You suck!"

In this guy's defense, he got the name wrong, but he got the sucktitude correct.

5) At home, you will not get one of those precious beers purposely poured down your neck. 

Rick just used this exact same reason it's better to watch NFL games at home in reason #4. Not only does Rick rip off prior columns to write this column, he duplicates reasons in this column because he doesn't have enough creativity to get to 20 reasons. So basically Rick is ripping off his old columns, but he can't even rip them off enough to write his new column, so he has to rip off the new column as well.

6) At home, parking is free. At an NFL game, the average cost to park is $27.35, according to Team Marketing Report.

The Denver-Carolina game from early November is the first time I paid for parking to an NFL game since 2003. You just have to simply park far enough away from the stadium to where there is no charge or be lucky that a local business will allow you to park for free. When I did pay for parking at the Denver-Carolina game it cost $10. The average cost to park may be $27.35, but people are lazy and don't want to walk, so that's a reflection on this laziness more than anything else. In my experience, parking can often be found cheaper further away from the stadium.

In San Francisco this weekend, people driving motor homes paid $100. A hundred dollars! And do you know what those people did once they parked those motor homes? Sat in lawn chairs and watched football on HDTV.

Where did these people park? Probably very, very close to the stadium or in a specific section for motor homes. Naturally, in an area for motor homes it is going to cost more to park since the motor home is huge and could hold 6-8 people. Yes, parking is expensive at an NFL game, but my wife has to pay $600 a year just to park in her company's parking garage. She isn't the only one. My sister has to pay about $1200 a year to park in her company's parking garage. So $20 to park for a football game a person actually wants to attend, as opposed to paying for the privilege of driving a car to your job, probably isn't the worst expense some people pay when it comes to parking.

7) The yellow first down line.

If a person requires the yellow first down line and can't figure out what yard line a team needs to get to when attending a football game then that person needs glasses or to pay better attention. The yellow line is a luxury and not a necessity.

8) Your comfy couch. Have you sat in an NFL seat for three-and-a-half hours lately?

Yes I have. I've never been uncomfortable as long as it isn't raining. Even then, I'm not uncomfortable because of the seating situation.

They're approximately the size of American Girl Doll tea chairs. This makes no sense. American seats are getting wider while American stadium seats are getting narrower?

How fat is Rick Reilly that he can't fit in a seat? I know some big people who don't have a problem sitting in seats at a stadium. Also, this small seat situation goes for nearly every sporting event. So if Rick doesn't like the small seats at an NFL stadium then the same problem is present for every major sport.

10) At home, nachos aren't 15 stale round tortilla chips placed in a plastic tray with cold Velveeta cheese squirted into the corner and topped by half a jalapeno sliced thinner than a Matthew McConaughey plot.

Again, tailgate before the game. You can eat before the game and then not be hungry again until after the game is over.

Also, the correct analogy is now "sliced thinner than a Rick Reilly column idea."

11) At home, the chance that a woman might walk out in Page 3 of the Victoria's Secret catalog is 2 percent. At the stadium, 0 percent.

This is stupid and juvenile. Rick and Gregg Easterbrook should get together and ogle women 30 years younger than them. We live in an age where porn and pictures of scantily-clad women are readily available. The only reason a person would list this as a reason to stay home from an NFL game is if that person was overcompensating for something.

13) At the stadium, more and more NFL teams blare ads during timeouts. Does it really take 125 decibels to remind us The Mattress King is insane? At home, you can flip straight over to "Doomsday Preppers."

Yes, but there are still a ton of commercials shown while watching an NFL game at home. You can flip to "Doomsday Preppers" if you want, but when at an NFL game you could talk to the person beside you or marvel at how many/few people are at the game. Of course Rick wouldn't want to talk to normal, average humans while at an NFL game. If there isn't a chance at taking a picture with a celebrity while pretending to choke that celebrity then Rick isn't interested. Not to mention, Rick contradicts himself. His reason #12 was this:

12) Your DVR pause button, in case one does.

Rick complains NFL games move too fast, but then in the very next reason why people shouldn't attend NFL games is because there is too much down time and loud music. That's the chance to pause, when The Mattress King is yelling in your general direction.

15) Your thermostat. Last week, at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, a 40 mph gust broke my umbrella in half, which meant the sideways rain soaked me like a human sponge. And as I stood there, somebody hollered, "Hey, Simmons! You suck!"

I don't believe this. I don't believe a person confused Rick Reilly with Bill Simmons. First off, why would Bill Simmons be at a Steelers game? Second, they don't really even look that much alike. I think Rick is lying when he claims someone said, "Hey, Simmons! You suck!"

But again, this fan did have the right idea, but just yelled it towards the wrong person.

17) There's no need to memorize that "Need Help?" stadium text number on the scoreboard.

(shakes head sadly)

18) At home, nobody murders the national anthem for you. Networks don't show it anymore. At stadiums, I've heard renditions that make you want to rip up the turf and crawl under it.

Yeah, fuck the national anthem. Who cares to hear the national anthem sung if it isn't sung well?

This isn't an audition for American Idol. Many people screw up the national anthem, but it's nice to hear it sung and then see jets fly by right at the end of the song. If you don't enjoy this, you are un-American. Vote McCain/Palin in 2008.

One woman in Atlanta tortured every single note, up and down the scales, until you wanted to walk up to her and hand her sheet music. "Here's the actual song. You should sing it some time."

Rick Reilly: Music Producer-extraordinaire.

19) At home, you do not have to stand because the guy in front of you is in your view. Unless you live with Yao Ming.

So from Rick's complaints about the seats being too small and not being able to see because the person in front of him is blocking his view, I can only assume he is 5'1" and weighs 350 pounds. Otherwise, if he is at an NFL game and wants to sit in his seat the entire game then he deserves not to be able to see. Don't get pissy because you don't like the game (or sports) enough to stand when something exciting happens.

20) Home is much, much cheaper. To take four people to a Dallas Cowboys game with hot dogs and Cokes and some souvenirs will run you $634.78. 

Well, right. If you go to one of the most expensive stadiums in the NFL, buy everyone food and then buy a bunch of bullshit souvenirs it is going to be expensive. Nearly anything can be made expensive if you buy enough needless shit. I could go to Chipotle and spend $150 if I buy a family of four a burrito, chips, a few beers, and some t-shirts to take home.

My God, you could get a 50-inch HDTV at Best Buy for $550 and have enough left to buy 84 beers.

Or you could pay for 1.2% of a Rick Reilly column.

He makes $3 million per year (reportedly), which is $57,692 per week. He writes one column per week, so you could go to a Cowboys game or read 1.2% of this Rick Reilly column. This is 1.2% of this Rick Reilly column: 

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said recently that the reason NFL

Now going to that Cowboys game seems like a good deal, no?

Which is about how many the guy at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome in New Orleans looked like he had had the other night when he yelled, "Hey, Reilly! You suck!"

Finally.

That sound you heard was Rick Reilly cashing his $57,692 paycheck for this column. If Rick thinks paying $634.78 is a rip off, then it doesn't say much for the deal ESPN is getting for him to write this column.