6 comments Ten Things I Think I Think Peter King Has Not Thought Of: Everyone's A Jerk Edition

I am still recovering from trying to dissect an entire Gregg Easterbrook column. I have a backload of columns that I want to mention just a few things about, so I thought today would be a good day to cover those. I realize some of these stories are a few days old but just stay with me.

1. You can't go wrong starting with a Woody mailbag. Except this time, instead of Woody being the sole idiot, he gets help from readers.

Woody - I think the Broncos should shift to a 3-4 defense, move Champ Bailey to FS, draft USC linebacker Rey Maualuga, draft or sign a beast nose tackle, draft or sign a beast SS, and sign Ray Lewis. That would go a long way to solving our defensive problems. What do you think? -- MJ, Phoenix

Sure, moving arguably the best cover cornerback in the league to a different position, signing a great MLB, then drafting another great MLB (or what he projects to be), and signing two other great defensive players sounds like a great idea. I wonder why the Broncos have not thought about this yet? They should just go do this.

I just found a way to fix the Bengals! Trade Chad Johnson for Albert Haynesworth and a 1st round pick, franchise tag T.J. Housmananandnddndzzzzzzzzz then trade him for a 1st and 2nd round pick, sign Matt Cassel, trade Carson Palmer for a 1st, 2nd, 3rd round pick, and then use those picks to draft all of the good players in the draft at each respective position. Simple as that and the Bengals will be in the playoffs for years upon years.

I love these fantasy/Madden moves that people can think are easily made...and by people I mean, Bill Simmons thinks this is possible also.

Woody - What was your favorite sports story of 2008? Mine is a tie between the Chauncey Billups trade and the Miami Dolphins. Thanks. -- Mike, Denver

Favorite sports story? Gosh, the Miami Dolphins and the Chauncey Billups trade are up there at say, numbers 145 and 398 respectively for the past year, but I would have to say either Michael Phelps winning 8 gold medals, the Tampa Bay Rays making the World Series, or the other tons of things that happened this year that would come to mind before those two events.

Not a bad question but this reader gave two stories that were way low on the list of good sports stories for 2008, even if they were his favorite, I am nitpicking him.

Dear Mr. Paige - We get "Around the Horn" here in Israel, and I have become a big fan of yours over the past three years. So much so, that I have named my fantasy football team "Would he Paige?" We play in an ultra-competitive, 14-team league with people who are football junkies. And guess what? "Would he Paige?" have been crowned champions! So thanks for inspiring a great championship team. Who knows? Perhaps you could do the same thing for the Nuggets and help them become bound for glory this season. From your biggest Israeli fan. -- Tal, Jerusalem

How sweet, Woody has fans in other countries.

Tal - I've always wanted to come to Israel, until I found about the fantasy football team and that name.

I'm humbled; I'm honored. But please change the name to something more appropriate than "Would he Paige?"

And Woody Paige is an ungrateful dick.

"Thank you so much for taking the time to read my columns and watch me on television. I just wish you were not such an uncreative dumbass. You are a stupid foreigner and I hate you."- Woody Paige

2. Maybe Marvin Harrison IS evil. Somewhere Gregg Doyel nods knowingly.

But over the course of Marvin Harrison's 13 years in the NFL, the Colts receiver has built an All-Pro career behind a firewall of privacy. Quiet precision defines his every move. On the field, he starts each route identically, forcing defenders to guess where he's headed. In the locker room, he sits facing his tidy booth, away from the media and teammates. At home, he keeps each touchdown ball he's ever caught in its own box.

So he runs precise routes, is quiet, and keeps all of his career memories in their own box to maintain their pristine condition? Hmmm...doesn't this sound a lot like Jeffrey Dahmer, who made precise cuts to his victims, was quiet so the police would not catch on to his crimes, and kept his victims in the fridge to maintain their bodies in pristine condition?

The parallels are eerie.

He once told a Philadelphia Inquirer reporter that he loved Anita Baker—then refused to divulge his favorite song.

If I said I liked James Blunt, I may also refuse to tell someone my favorite song, because I would be kind of embarrassed about it. Doesn't make me a bad person.

I heard Marvin Harrison also said he liked Pizza Hut but would not tell anyone the kind of dressing he puts on his salad at the salad bar. He is hiding something.

The QB said he didn't know Harrison well until he visited him in Philly one off-season. "There's a Marvin in Philly and a Marvin in Indianapolis," he said.

Some people are different in their hometown. I would say popular athletes are more prone to having a different persona in their hometown, simply because they are not only athletes there, but also grew up as children in that city, so everyone knows them, or thinks they do. I am making enough excuses for Harrison, where did they find the bodies he had hidden again?

More than nostalgia brings him back. Over the past six years, Harrison has been buying up his childhood stomping grounds. In 2003, he acquired the West Thompson Street garage now called Chuckie's for just $10,210. The next year, he added a bar a few blocks away, on North 28th Street, which he runs as Playmakers—the place where his feud with Dixon began. In all, Harrison owns 20 North Philly properties, many clustered around the block where he once lived. And he is no absentee landlord. Kids on their way to school recently saw Harrison fixing the shutters on one of his places. In contrast to other stars who've invested in urban real estate, though, Harrison hasn't announced grand revitalization plans. The businesses he supports—the garage, the bar, his mom's Italian restaurant, his aunt's soul food place—are neighborhood joints. And while he's well-known in the area, he isn't known well.

Unbelievable. He gives back to his community with not just money, but also actually works to support the businesses as well. What's his angle, this quiet and incredibly suspicious man?

Why do I feel like everyone who writes about Marvin Harrison thinks he is the elderly neighbor from "Home Alone," where everyone peeks out the window at him and just assumes something suspicious is going down?

Here is a turn that makes my defending him look stupid. Is everyone ready for crazy ass Marvin Harrison? Here is comes...

On Jan. 4, 2003, before kickoff of an AFC wild-card game at the Meadowlands, Harrison was catching passes from Manning as Jets ball boys shagged punts from New York's Matt Turk. One of them, a 23-year-old Long Islander named Matt Prior, threw a ball downfield that bounced near Harrison. According to a New Jersey Sports and Exposition Authority report—and two people on the field—No. 88 felt the toss violated his personal space. He charged Prior, bumping him in the chest.

Ok, Marvin Harrison clearly has a temper.

Prior asked Harrison to back away. Instead, Harrison grabbed Prior by the throat and lifted him off the ground. While fans watching on the stadium's video screen chanted for their ball boy to fight back, players and workers tried to separate the two.

I guess maybe this is why Marvin Harrison is quiet and keeps to himself. If he talks to anyone, he has an insatiable need to fuck them up.

On the evening of Feb. 10, 2005, three nights before the Pro Bowl, he and two men were walking along a row of stores at the Hilton Hawaiian Village hotel in Honolulu. According to a police report—and a witness—Harrison was talking on his cell when a group of teenage fans asked for his autograph. Harrison declined, and when the fans kept pestering him, he and his friends turned on them. The Pro Bowler took a swing at one fan, then grabbed him by the throat and put an arm around his neck.

The lesson to be learned here is to wear a turtle neck when confronting Marvin Harrison...and also never talk to, look at, or breathe the same air Marvin Harrison breathes. Seems pretty easy enough to me.

In the end, the seeming contradiction between Harrison's statements about his gun and ballistics tests placing the gun at the scene were not enough for Abraham to move forward. So Harrison can sit back in his beach chair on West Thompson Street and keep watch on his block.

I am willing to admit maybe Marvin Harrison has a little temper and I really, really wonder why I have never heard these stories before this. I still don't think Harrison should be more like T.O., like Gregg Doyel wants him to be, but I do think Marvin Harrison keeps to himself for a reason. He has uncontrollable rage or maybe he has an urge to kill, either way, I will never talk to him if I see him in public.

3. I think we can all agree Anquan Boldin is a jerk. What I don't get is the team is doing fantastic without a huge contribution from him, so I don't know why he thinks he has a ton of leverage.

I just wonder if Boldin isn't costing himself some money here, too. He doesn't want to be a Cardinal anymore. I think he's made that pretty clear. But who's going to want to give a guy a huge contract when he's fighting with a coach when he should probably be happy about going to a Super Bowl?

I would think that Anquan Boldin is costing himself tons of money with his antics on the sidelines. Teams can put up with players who have hissy fits and get into it with coaches at times. As long as it is perfectly clear the player wants to win and that is why he is getting emotional, teams and fans accept behavior like this. Boldin was playing in the NFC Championship Game and his team won that game and he still acted like a baby. I don't know how he could make it any more clear he is out for himself.

In the game, Boldin got into a heated argument with offensive coordinator Todd Haley. After the game, instead of celebrating with his team, Boldin abruptly left the field, then abruptly left the locker room.

This just confuses me. I remember Boldin was not happy with his contract in training camp but then I did not hear anything about this for the rest of the season. Then he chooses one of the 3 biggest (by people watching and media coverage) games of the year to throw a hissy fit that he was not getting the ball? I don't know how he could have worse timing. Terrell Owens and Dallas have proven that team chemistry has a little bit to do with the success of a team over the season. What team is going to want a player who is not happy his team made the Super Bowl for the first time?

It's disappointing to see from Boldin. He showed such unbelievable selflessness and courage by coming back from a catastrophic injury earlier in the season.

My theory is the head injury Boldin suffered made him realize he was not going to be playing this game forever and he wants to get paid while he can. I have no idea why he decided to show his frustration on national television in the biggest game of the franchise's history. Maybe he is mad Larry Fitzgerald would not show him where he gets his dreads braided at.

4. Mike Freeman thinks Tiger Woods should not be an athlete but an activist. Somehow I get the feeling if Tiger supported John McCain, Mr. Freeman would think quite differently.

I have a dream: That one day Woods will care about something other than making money.

I have a reality: Tiger cares about being the greatest golfer that ever lived and he seems to care about his family as well. He seems to want to do whatever it takes to make sure his family is taken care of and he is known as the absolute greatest golfer ever.

Woods is usually so relentlessly apolitical and position-phobic, he borders on cowardly. Taking stands jeopardizes commercial dollars, Q-ratings and selling cars. Being meek jeopardizes nothing.

Why does he have to take a position on everything and why does he need to jeopardize something? I can't stand it when one person tells another person what to think or gives a suggestion on how one should live his life. Shut up.

Woods' meek appearance had the smell of bandwagon jumping. Too late, Tiger. Some of us know what you're doing, which is being overtly opportunistic.

So Tiger is taking a position by supporting Obama and is jumping on his bandwagon? Sounds like that is what you are criticizing Tiger for not doing, but yet saying he is doing. Interesting way to JemeHill this argument.

Mike thinks Tiger is being opportunistic by supporting Obama as well. Unlike the countless other athletes and celebrities who have come out supporting either candidate, those are just people who geniuinely cared. You know how you can tell the difference? You can't, only Mike Freeman can.

In this matter and this matter only Woods is not so different from uber-opportunist Don King, the boxing promoting clown who has been parading around in recent days waving American flags and proclaiming his love for Obama. King is a staunch Republican who backed McCain.

So backing the other candidate and then reversing course and supporting Obama is "not so different" as not saying anything at all and then showing up at a pre-inauguration rally for Obama? In what world is this true? In "I want to cause a discussion and make sure my column gets read, so I am going to say something completely controversial" World?

When you take some out of their comfort zone, it frightens them, and they react unkindly, even violently. If you want to see the reaction to what it's like to take a position, look at the message board below this story.

Wow, Mike Freeman can't understand the difference in saying something unprovoked and untrue and taking people out of their comfort zone. He thinks if you say something borderline untrue then you are taking people out of their comfort zone, when in fact you couldjust be starting an argument for no reason.

I have always thought that 95% of men who have Korean descent in them are horrible drivers.

If I got 10,00 emails saying how dumb I am, I am being truthful, just taking you out of your comfort zone and the fact many disagree with me just proves that. At least that is what Mike Freeman thinks.

I think it is funny how the media wants certain athletes to shut up and others to speak out, but which one they want to do each of these all depends on their opinion on a subject.

5. Everyone thinks Pete Carroll is such a jerk for wanting Matt Sanchez to stay in school. Gregg Doyel disagrees and I agree with him...for once.

Me, I heard something different. I heard Carroll being fed up with Sanchez, and with the people around Sanchez.

You mean the people who stand to make a few bucks from Sanchez going to the NFL this year? I am sure they are being completely impartial.

He said, "We don't see this decision the same. Mark's going against the grain, and he knows that." And he said, "I am disappointed the information we have wasn't compelling enough to make it clear to him (to stay)."

I think college coaches generally have their player's best interests at heart and also are able to better decipher whether a player should enter the draft than family members. Pete Carroll has never stopped a player from going professional before and so if he tells me, as a player, I am not ready to go, I would respect him and listen. Carroll just doesn't want to see Sanchez go to the draft when he is not ready. I believe that, because he has plenty of good backups that can play well at USC, and the fact he has never stopped a player from going pro before this supports that he is not just looking out for his program.

Coach K advised William Avery to not go pro after his sophomore year and it wasn't because he wanted to keep him around for his own purposes, it was because he did not think he was ready. Same thing with Josh McRoberts. Where are they now?

Kris Humphries was told by the ex-head coach for Minnesota he was not ready for the pros, he went anyway, and I think he is out of the league now.

Those are two examples but I am sure there are others. College coaches have no reason to lie to a player, especially a coach who runs a player factory like USC does.

In April of his freshman season, Sanchez was arrested after a female USC student accused him of sexual assault. I'm not accusing Sanchez of anything. Guilty, innocent, I don't know. The charges were eventually dropped, but Sanchez's arrest was one in a long line of negative off-field stories Carroll and the USC program had to endure.

Carroll stood by Sanchez during that whole ordeal, and stood by him over the next two seasons as Sanchez battled a broken thumb in 2007 and a dislocated kneecap in '08. Sanchez spent just one season as the Trojans' starter, this season.

One season as a starter? Does he sound ready to you?

Me, I heard something else. I heard Carroll being fed up. Carroll knew Sanchez had initially been leaning toward staying. Carroll knew that he then told Sanchez, based on conversations with NFL people -- and Carroll knows NFL people; he once was head coach of the Jets and Patriots -- that Sanchez's pro career would be better served with one more year of college. And still Sanchez turned pro early.

Maybe a little bit of it is selfish for Carroll because he wants to coach Sanchez next year, but if he truly believes he made the wrong decision, why does he have to publicly support him? Considering Carroll has placed Carson Palmer, John David Booty, Matt Leinart and (yes) Matt Cassell in the NFL over the past 8 years, it seems he knows a thing or two about Sanchez's chances in the draft.

I don't think Carroll has to publicly support Sanchez if he thinks it is a bad decision.

6. JemeHill complains about her own coverage of athletes.

I wish I'd seen the Myron Rolle interview in which he expressed his desire to bring specialized medicine to underdeveloped countries as much as I've seen the grainy footage of Adam "Pacman" Jones frequenting yet another strip club.

It's funny, you actually have the power to interview Myron Rolle. You are a journalist and can do this.

I'm as guilty as most columnists. I've written twice about O.J., once about T.O., and once about Brett Favre, giving selfish athletes a platform when Rolle has done something so extraordinary it's worth 100 columns.

Yep, exactly. I am surprised JemeHill did not start the column off with this following premise:

"Most people think Myron Rolle is making the wrong decision to go to Oxford, but I don't think he is."

It's a nice change from the wrong premise set up she usually uses.

It would be one thing if Rolle were just a scrub, but he has started virtually every game since his freshman year and was the Seminoles' third-leading tackler this season.

Oh yeah, if he was just a scrub, the fact he was a Rhodes Scholarship recepient would be much less impressive to everyone. Only really good athletes should get good coverage for Rhodes Scholarship, while the backups, well that is expected of them because they are backups. The backups need something to fall back on since they are not going to play in the NFL after all.

Of course we basing this on the assumption that all starting college athletes are stupid and the backups are geniuses, which is also the assumption JemeHill makes.

I only wish there 20 million more people like him. I'd rather read 1,000 more stories about Rolle than one more about whether Plaxico Burress should remain a Giant.

Maybe you should start doing more of this. I think there is room for feel good writers on the ESPN staff, let's check and see if you can get the feel-good beat:

Bill Simmons- Boston area beat
Rick Reilly- Anything non-athletics related beat...actually should not be on the site
Gregg Easterbrook- Lack of football knowledge beat
Gene W.- Chicago area beat
Scoop Jackson- Urban beat
JemeHill- incorrect premise/Detroit area beat

I think there is room.

It's too bad our infatuation with talented athletes who are hopelessly immature and irresponsible prevents us from fully appreciating someone like Rolle and giving him the attention he deserves.

By "our" you must mean "mine and ESPN's" infatuation. Don't drag me or anyone else into this. I saw a front page story about how Steve Smith punched Ken Lucas in the face but I did not see any mention there about how he donated $25,000 to the local band that performed at halftime of the NFC Divisional Playoff Game. That is the first thing that came to my mind as an example but there are tons of other similar examples.

"Your" infatuation, not ours. Don't drag everyone into this argument when you are the one who writes the columns.

7. How about a Peter King MMQB Tuesday Edition follow up?

VERY INTERESTING THOUGHT. From Bill W., of Boston: "I think Mike Martz should come to the Patriots to either be offensive coordinator or receivers coach/assistant head coach so Bill Belichick can focus on the defense. He got a bum deal at his last two stops with bad players and bad upper management. This would be the place to vindicate himself and his career. Running his system with our personnel would be mind-numbing. Would this ever happen?''

Knowing what little I know about Bill Belichick and Mike Martz, I don't care how great of friends they are, this would never work. Granted, Martz has been two very bad places recently but I don't see the problem with the offense New England is currently running and I think anything Martz would do would get in the way.

Well, Bill, you and I know both know how much Belichick loves Martz, and vice versa. I think this is an interesting thought, and I wouldn't dismiss it, not at all, because Belichick is not afraid of new ideas and, in fact, looks for them all the time.

Peter King knows Bill Belichick is not afraid of anything, especially new ideas. Actually, Belichick is afraid of Peter King and that is the reason for the restraining order he has against him.

TOUCHÉ. From Tip, of Springfield, Mass.: "Maybe the reason Julius Peppers wants out of Carolina isn't because he wants to play in a 3-4. Perhaps he wants to play on a team where the QB doesn't give up the ball six times in a playoff game.''

Hahaha!! Great stuff, Tip. Not your comment, but your name is Tip. Hilarious.

It would not surprise me if Peppers has grown weary of the Panthers falling just short.

The Panthers are always just falling short. The three times in the 7 seasons Peppers has played for them, they always are on the cusp and fall short. When I think teams that always just fall short (from the Super Bowl? I am going to assume that is it), I don't think the obvious teams like Philadelphia, Indianapolis, or even Seattle, teams that seem to always get in the playoffs from year to year, yet haven't won multiple titles, I think of the team that has made it three times in the past 7 years and other than that is pretty mediocre. The Panthers have been a consistently average team during John Fox's reign as head coach but every year 31 teams fall short of the Super Bowl, so I doubt that is Peppers' reasoning. I could be wrong.

DRIVE, IDIOT. DON'T TALK. From John Murdzek, of San Diego: "You should read an article by Tara Parker-Pope on the New York Times Web site entitled 'A Problem of the Brain, Not the Hands: Group Urges Phone Ban for Drivers' before your next road trip to Pittsburgh or anywhere else. According to this article, "Drivers talking on a cell phone [hand-held or hands-free] are four times as likely to have an accident as drivers who are not. That's the same level of risk posed by a driver who is legally drunk.' You seem like a reasonable person, so is getting work done on your drives more important than somebody else's life?''

Wow. Very interesting. Thanks for the advice. I will read the story.

Peter won't ever stop doing this, but he will read the article, which should do...........nothing.

8. Apparently someone, somewhere is writing off the Patriots and Don Banks will have none of that.

At least that was the conventional wisdom circulating around the league last week, with some speculating that we had just witnessed the eve of destruction for this decade's only NFL dynasty.

Thinking the Patriots are not going to be good next year does not count as "wisdom." They will be very good. They won 11 games without their starting quarterback after all.

Longtime New England special teams coach Brad Seely left to become Eric Mangini's new assistant head coach/special teams coordinator in Cleveland, and just Monday the brain drain continued when Dom Capers, who served as the Patriots special assistant/secondary, signed on as Green Bay's defensive coordinator.

Is Bill Belichick still there? How about Tom Brady? Even coming off an injury, Peter King tells me they can franchise Matt Cassel, I think the Patriots are going to be fine.

I just want to know who is saying the Patriots are not going to be good next year. They miss the playoffs one year, a year they win 11 games, lose a couple of coaches, and all of a sudden they are a team on the downswing.

The competition is no doubt tougher in the AFC East these days, but the Patriots still can look at their division and see the rival Jets starting over to a degree with a new head coach (Rex Ryan) and a new quarterback (likely no Brett Favre). Miami is a force to be respected and reckoned with again, but you have to think the Dolphins won't be slipping up on anyone in 2009, and thus their 11-5 record of this season might not be easily matched. And in Buffalo, the disappointing Bills can't seem to break out of their 7-9 funk. The days of 2007-level domination might be over in New England, but this isn't a division or a conference that has left the Patriots behind.

Sometimes I wish writers could just leave well enough alone and not write about obvious subject matters. They went 11-5 in a year where they did not have Tom Brady, things can only go up from there for them next year. I really would like to know who thinks the Patriots are done now they have lost coordinators and other coaches on the staff.

4) The Patriots still have Belichick. That means they still have at their disposal the league's best all-in-one package of coaching skill and personnel evaluation.

Exactly. They don't appear to be going anywhere. I am glad we got this cleared up. I think this article needs to go under "articles that did not need to be written."

9. Rick Reilly gets paid millions of dollars for articles like this, often called puff pieces.

Looks like he is trying to write the feel good stories at ESPN. Back away JemeHill!

Obama is a football freak, so he'll be watching next Sunday when the world finally gets a load of Fitzgerald's son—the anti-T.O.—a receiver who catches everything and brags about nothing, who climbs his own invisible staircase to get to footballs, who dresses and speaks impeccably and travels the world alone in the off-season, taking in museums.

Larry Fitzgerald is the anti-T.O. Partially because T.O. has never been accused of hitting his baby's mama. Of course Fitzgerald may be innocent but when Rick Reilly writes his puff pieces he doesn't really pay attention to anything that detracts from the picture he wants to present.

Just like in the Kerry Collins puff piece he did a few weeks ago about how Collins did not make excuses in the past for his behavior at any point, yet was quoted in the past as saying he thought the racial epiphet would cause the team to bond closer. Larry Fitzgerald is probably innocent because it seemed weird these allegations came out in early January when the event happened in mid-October, but you would not know much about it, because Reilly doesn't even mention it in passing. I don't expect an expose or anything like that but this just proves to me Reilly is the worst kind of reporter, he picks and chooses facts to include in his columns.

10. In college basketball, I think the Big East is the best conference in the nation, but I am afraid they are going to be so busy beating up on each other all year, there may not be much left for March. If you forced me to choose a Final Four at this point, I would say UNC (I am not giving up on them, we will see a good amount of stories about how others gave up on them after those two loses to WFU and BC, but I won't do this), UConn, Oklahoma, and Louisville.

What do I know though?

6 comments Ten Things I Think I Think Peter King Has Not Thought Of

I may be getting busy at work here over the next couple of weeks and J.S. may not be coming back for a while, so I may find it hard to post every single day like I enjoy doing. I don't have a large enough ego to think everyone looks forward to reading this everyday, but I do enjoy making fun of the same people week after week and like to put something up everyday. I am going to attempt to tackle an entire TMQ tomorrow, so if you hate TMQ, show up anyway just to watch me stumble through the column.

1. I actually hate NFL mock drafts, simply because they contain more disinformation than actual useful information, but I can't stay away from them at all. I found this web site and it has tickled my fancy. After your favorite team loses there is nothing more exciting than seeing a mock draft of potential players your team could snag, but it gets so frustrating when you see there is a player up there that your team does not need at a position they already have covered. I usually curse at the keyboard and then have a mini-panic hoping the GM and the head coach aren't thinking along the same lines as the writer of the mock draft. If your favorite team's season is over already, play on this site and you may feel better.

2. Tony Dungy has retired/stepped down. Don't let anyone fool you, there is a huge difference. It is a bit misleading because the title of the article says, "Tony Dungy steps down as Indianapolis Colts coach," while the article says he retired. I guess the media is letting him play it both ways. I am not bashing Dungy, just saying if he wants a change of scenery, it is a lot easier to just step down as coach, take a year off, and then get back into coaching, rather than take offers from a team while you are still under contract (paging Bill Parcells) or even let your contract run out and go to another team. I am not convinced he is done with coaching.

"We just felt this was the right time," Dungy said. "Don't shed any tears for me. I got to live a dream most people don't get to live."

"I will be back in two years, just take it easy everyone."

Dungy and his wife, Lauren, spent the last five years discussing whether he should continue coaching.

They spent the last five years talking about whether he needs to continue coaching? I wonder how long it takes them to buy a car or buy a house? Possibly a decade or more.

"Where my heart is, is really with our young men right now," Dungy said. "We have so many guys that didn't grow up like me, didn't have their dad there and that's something I'm very, very interested in."

Sure...That sounds like a real wholesome thing he is doing, but is he really retiring to get his "super duper great Christian football guy" crown back from Tim Tebow? Is it a coincidence that Tebow wins his second national title and Dungy retires to focus more on other "projects." I think Dungy is going to do whatever he can to prove he is a better person than Tim Tebow. If he has to give orphans rocket pack rides around the Equator or adopt an entire village of children in Chile, he will do whatever it takes to get his good guy crown back. Tebow, watch your back!

At least that is my theory.

3. Peter King took time off from asking about Peyton Manning's bursa sac to chip in on the discussion.

I hope the moral of the Dungy story is you can be a good football coach at the very highest level -- and you can also drive your kids to school occasionally and go to all the high school football games and the school plays too. Just because your arch-rival might be sleeping in the office, it doesn't mean you're not going to win if you do the human things.

Also, having Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison on offense is also suggested as a way to succeed. It makes it a lot easier to coach when you have them. Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark don't hurt either.

On Sunday night, I spoke with Baltimore coach John Harbaugh for a few minutes. I asked him what he was doing. "Math homework with my daughter,'' he said.

Peter King is calling coaches now asking them "what they are doing." That's not creepy at all. I wonder if he uses a breathy whisper in his voice or not.

The scenario is Parcellsian. Go to a franchise as a sort of architectural czar. Hire the coach, build the infrastructure, set a tone. Make sure the players and coaches know you're around if they need help, but don't be omnipresent, don't show up in gameplanning sessions. Thirty hours a week. Home for breakfast, take the kids to school, go to the occasional afternoon game or forensics match or play, home for dinner. You're all in, but you're all in as an overseer.

Actually it would be Parcellsian if he almost signed a contract with a team, reneged on the contract because he was only using them as leverage, signed with another team, put an option in his contract that says he can leave every single year if he wants, signs Jason Ferguson, signs Vinny Testaverde, spends two years building the team to the brink of being an AFC/NFC Championship contender, begins negotiating new contract with another team while still under contract with original team, denies on ESPN he is doing this, leaves original team for new team, original team on the cusp of AFC/NFC Championship has to start over and loses the momentum they built, and the process starts over at a new place.

That is Parcellsian.

A GOOD SUGGESTION FOR OVERTIME. From Arjun Chandrasekhar, of Chandler, Ariz.: "For overtime, why doesn't the NFL just add a certain amount of time to the clock (perhaps half or an entire quarter), play that time in its entirety, and give each team three timeouts. This forces teams to play all three phases of the game and allow each team to get the ball at least once. Your thoughts?''

Half a quarter is only 7:30 minutes and does not guarantee the team that did not win the coin toss will get the ball at all, the team that won the toss could hold the ball the entire time, not a solution. Also, this does not present a very good sense of urgency for the team to score since the team with the ball knows it only has to burn half a quarter and what happens when the teams end up tied again?

A seven-minute period, let's say? Worth exploring. I'd rather just have sudden death starting with the second possession, not based on the clock.

I am going to get this tattooed on my head...why does everyone's idea always end with the same fucking system we use now?

Adam Walberg, of London, Ontario With what may end up being a career year [for Pennington], coupled with a few teams in need of a QB, and the dearth of available ones, I think the Fins should deal him for picks. Surely the Vikings, Bears, Panthers and Bucs would have a level of interest. A first-round pick isn't out of the question. Not bad for something they got for free just last year.''

There is a reason the NFL should never be played in Canada and this is it. Why would any of those three teams give up a first round draft pick for an older QB? Also, how would the Panthers give a first round pick? They don't have one. Also, Pennington had a fluke year. Good try, shut up.

I doubt anyone would pay a first-round pick for a quarterback who might (might, I emphasize) have two or three years left, and who has just a so-so arm. Plus, the Dolphins don't want to give away a sure thing when they've got to compete against the Patriots every year.

Oh yeah, Peter thinks it is always about the Patriots. Fuck the Bills and the Jets, the Dolphins are only concerned with the Pats. If the Pats end the year 6-10, but the Dolphins are 7-9, they will feel good knowing they beat the Pats, even if they miss the playoffs.

4. The Atlanta Braves had to go to Japan to find a player to take their money.

"Not only is this a historically important day for the Braves franchise, but with Kenshin we have acquired a pitcher who will be an integral part of our pitching staff over the next three seasons."

"We have also signed a pitcher who worked in a 6 man rotation in Japan and had back injury problems last year...oh, and he is 33. We're fucked."

"We've had some guys watch him the last couple of years, and they like him," Cox said last weekend.

Those couple of guys are John and Don Franks from Piedmont, Mississippi, they were on a vacation in Japan and the Braves asked if they would stop by and see if this guy was any good. Reportedly John said Kenshin reminded him of a young Chow Yun Fat and Don was quoted as saying, "they have good cheeseburgers in Japan, I did not expect that."

"He looked very good," Cox said. "He was able to throw the ball right where he wanted to with three or four pitches."

I certainly hope this was three or four different pitches over a consistent period of time and he did not throw the ball to the right spot only three or four times. Really, Bobby Cox has not known the difference since 2004, which explains the Russ Ortiz trade and the fact Jo Jo Reyes is still in the Braves system. I just threw up.

Uh oh and the Braves are on a roll, they got Lowe.

Lowe, 35, has a career 126-107 record in 12 seasons with Seattle, Boston and the Los Angeles Dodgers. He's averaged 208 innings the past seven seasons, and consistently has one of the highest ground ball-to-fly ball ratios in the game.

Last year the Braves had a bunch of 40 year olds in their pitching staff, this year they are sticking to the mid-30's age group. If anyone else is nervous at the thought of Derek Lowe pitching at the age of 39, you are not alone.

Although the Mets had given indications they were willing to increase the money on their three-year, $36 million offer to Lowe, management was never comfortable with the idea of extending its offer to four years.

That is never a good sign. The Mets gave Luis Castillo, Tom Glavine, and Pedro Martinez a fourth year in their contract. They would have given Moses Alou a fourth year but his right arm had to be amputated before he could sign. The Mets give out fourth years of contracts like a pedophile gives out candy at a fair. Derek Lowe will probably be dead/fatally injured before his fourth year begins.

I am slowly believing in Frank Wren, call me when left field is no longer vacant though.

Good signing but i still think they should have kept smoltz. Besides the obvious marketing reasons he bring a winning attitude and you cant teach that.

A commenter wrote that below the article. You know what else you can't teach? You shutting the hell up unless you can make sense. I am being a bully...

5. Did Marvin Harrison cap someone?

The Philadelphia district attorney who decided last week against charging Marvin Harrison in connection with an April 29 shooting that left three people wounded did so despite being in possession of a statement from a second victim who claimed he saw the Indianapolis Colts wide receiver gripping a gun during the altercation, a law enforcement source told ESPN The Magazine.

Somewhere Gregg Doyel is pushing his mohawk back, spitting his Redman chew out and getting ready to bang out another article about what an asshole Marvin Harrison is. If only he were more like Terrell Owens.

According to police, the altercation involving Harrison and Dixon, 32, was sparked by a previous incident from two weeks earlier, when Dixon and a friend who was allegedly carrying a weapon attempted to enter Playmakers, a Philadelphia bar that Harrison also owns. When Harrison refused them entry, Dixon began arguing with him on the sidewalk.

Harrison's bar is called Playmakers? It should be called "Alligator arms" or "I Am A Shitty Wide Receiver Who Should Be More Like Terrell Owens." Right Gregg "My picture makes me look like a sexual deviant" Doyel?

I, Ben "I give people way too long of nicknames in quotes" goodfella will never forget this article.

According to a summary of the evidence released Tuesday, Dixon initially gave a false name and told hospital employees and police that he was shot while resisting a robbery at a West Philadelphia intersection.

You mean witnesses who lie about the circumstances surrounding an injury are considered unreliable? At one point did this moron not realize the police might be interested in hearing more about this robbery at a West Philadelphia intersection?

Gregg Doyel hates Marvin Harrison and I don't know why.

6. There's God, there's Jesus, and there's Tebow.

Gregg Doyel hates him too.

So this attack isn't directed at Tim Tebow, girded as he is by a hide of horse and the love of God. It's directed at those who would beatify the man.

But let's all be clear on this, it is a fucking attack, so man up bitches!

But let's be honest: He has had greatness thrust upon him, too. He is in the right place at the right time, playing for perhaps the greatest coach in college football history, Meyer, who has given Tebow the perfect system and the perfect supporting cast, chock full of NFL talent at running back, receiver and -- yes -- defense.

Oh yes, Tebow just fell into this great situation and had no control over it. The only control he had was when every team in the country was recruiting him and he personally chose to go to Florida, that's all the input he had. He may as well have been signed by them as a free agent or traded there.

Look at it this way: If Tebow goes to Purdue or Auburn, does he win one Heisman or two national titles?

Look at it this way: If Colt McCoy played for Northern Arizona we would not know who the fuck he was.

Tebow was not dumb and decided to go Florida. I am not sure what Doyel's point with this statement is, but let me make a point. College athletes don't fall into great situations, they usually chose that situation themselves. Its not having to wonder if Peyton Manning had not been drafted by the Colts would Marvin Harrison be as great of a receiver as he is considered by everyone, but Gregg Doyel, to be? The college athletes can choose their circumstances and Tebow chose wisely.

Sorry. Wrong. If Tebow were a Muslim or a Mormon, and Meyer's daughter texted him with Tebow's chosen verse from the Koran or from the Book of Mormon, would that be "good for college football, good for young people, good for everything?"

Of course not.

I am going to end this before Gregg Doyel brings up a coherent and well thought out point that is very true.

But the idolatry of Tim Tebow has crossed the line. You ask me, the whole thing is blasphemous.

You mean when Thom Brennanmen said 20 minutes with Tebow would change your life, that was crossing a line of some sort into idolatry? I just want to point out 20 minutes with Charles Manson will change your life as well, but in a completely different way.

7. Josh McDaniels is the new coach for the Denver Broncos. I know what you are all thinking, what does Woody Paige think about this?

I asked the Broncos owner after the news conference if he got his "10."

"Ask me again in a year."

Denver, where confidence goes to die.

McDaniels cannot be a bust or a "6."

Can he be an 8?

You know when I was looking at the Denver roster the other day, I thought all they really need is an offensive genius to coach the team, no need for a defensive minded coach, the defense seemed pretty set.

"I thought, for it being his first time, Josh did well. Maybe he was somewhat uptight, but he was looser upstairs before," said Bowlen, who added that he chose McDaniels without regard to age because "when you been in football for a long time, you have an instinctive
feeling about someone you think could be a great football coach."

I don't know how loose McDaniels is going to be when he sees the defense he has to coach.

But the McD unequivocally said

Let's not call him that please, it reminds me of McDonald's. Thank you.

Earlier in the day Belichick issued a glowing review of McDaniels, while some in Boston who regularly trail the Patriots are not so sure about McDaniels.

If you can't trust sportswriter's opinions on a coordinator's ability to head coach a football team, really who can you trust?

He has coached Tom Brady and Matt Cassel, and McDaniels owns three Super Bowl championship rings (the same amount of jewelry as Shanahan)

Means nothing, so did Romeo Crennel and Charlie Weis.

And become a Hall of Fame coach.

Still with the comparisons to Mike Shanahan. Is Shanahan really a legend in Denver? I ask this because I have never thought he was that great of a coach and make fun of him a whole lot for his personnel decisions.

8. Ricky Henderson and Jim Rice made the Hall of Fame.

Rice received only 29.8 percent of the vote in 1995, when he appeared on the ballot for the first time. He initially topped 50 percent in 2000 and reached 64.8 percent in 2006 -- the highest percentage for a player who wasn't elected in a later year was 63.4 by Gil Hodges in 1983, his final time on the ballot.

I am not saying Jim Rice did not deserve the Hall of Fame, it was pretty obvious to me (for various reasons that had nothing to do with his actual baseball performance) he was going to make it into the Hall of Fame one day. What disturbs me is his voting percentage went up almost 50% in the last 14 years and has gone up 13% in the last 3 years. Unless people have died and been replaced by others who believe Jim Rice deserves the Hall of Fame, that means a good percentage of voters changed their mind about him in a short period of time. Why would that be? I just would think a voter would have a similar opinion on a player over a period of time, it's not like he was still playing baseball, his numbers stayed the same, and the criteria for the Hall of Fame stayed the same.

"I don't know why it took me so long. I don't even want to think about it," he added.

It took a while because you are a pretty borderline player...and I am going to go ahead and say it, you were actually helped by your bad relationship with the media because everyone used that and not your borderline numbers as the reason you had not quite made it yet. I am not sure how "being a feared hitter" is criteria for making it, but you probably deserved it...borderline.

"Be patient and wait until the last out," Rice said. "I guess everything was just timing, because my numbers have not changed over the last 14 years."

Yep, your numbers did not change, while home run numbers and RBI numbers have increased over the past couple of years (due to steroids admittedly) and you have similar numbers to Ellis Burks, Chili Davis, Moises Alou and Joe Carter here. I know that is not the end-all be-all of whether you should be in the Hall of Fame but the numbers don't overly impress me. Maybe there is a measurement I haven't looked at yet that would change my mind, it seemed to work for the other voters.

9. David Schoenfield, who I am pretty sure I beat up in Junior High, has listed 40 active players who will make the Hall of Fame.

19. Omar Vizquel

He's played more games than anybody at shortstop (2,654), won 11 Gold Gloves and recorded 2,657 hits. While his defensive reputation might be a bit overrated (a Gold Glove at age 39?), it's also secure enough to get him into Cooperstown.

More games than anybody at shortstop and 2,657 hits are numbers that endurance and playing forever can get you, but I don't think he is a Hall of Fame player. Maybe I am wrong. I hate Hall of Fame arguments by the way.

27. Mark Teixeira*

I'm not completely sold on Teixeira -- he's more "very good" than "devastating." But he's consistent, durable, an excellent fielder and still in his prime as he heads to a lineup in which he's going to drive in a ton of runs.

The white Jim Rice.

28. Francisco Rodriguez

He had 62 saves!

Let's get Bobby Thigpen's Hall of Fame bust ready then!

30. Joe Mauer
http://www.baseball-reference.com/m/mccanbr01.shtml
It would be nice to see him develop a little more power, but there's nothing wrong with a catcher who wins batting titles and gets on base around 40 percent of the time.

I am very biased on this issue but what about Brian McCann if Mauer gets in? McCann is one year younger and though Mauer clearly is a better hitter for average, McCann has better power. Check out the numbers and tell me I am a homer moron:

Mauer

McCann

I am not saying McCann deserves it, I am saying if Mauer is in the discussion then Brian McCann should be as well.

34. Carlos Beltran*

I was hesitant about including Beltran, as his career .281/.357/.496 line isn't awe-inspring. But: (1) He'll be just 32 in April and already has eight 100-RBI seasons, and the only players with more such seasons eligible for the Hall and not in are Joe Carter and Albert Belle; (2) Those two weren't Gold Glove-winning center fielders; (3) With 275 career steals and just 37 caught stealing, he's the greatest percentage basestealer ever.

The "other players have similar shitty numbers and made the Hall of Fame" argument never convinces me and this is not exception. No need to compound past mistakes. You're out!

10. I realize UNC lost another game, this time to Wake Forest, but I still say there is no reason for them to lose. They have a roster full of future NBA players. I still think they will win the National Championship this year in college basketball and we will get to hear sportswriters tell us stories about how the losses actually made them a stronger team and how tough Tyler Hansbrough is.

5 comments Gregg Doyel Loses Faith in Marvin Harrison; Also Disappointed Parents Lied to Him About Santa Claus

I apologize for the smaller posts lately, though it is probably a nice change from the encyclopedias I usually write, I prefer to make one post a day because I have extreme OCD.

Gregg Doyel is disappointed in Marvin Harrison. Hence he is disappointed in the media's previous portrayal of Marvin Harrison as a nice, shy person and is sad it is not true. Basically they painted him as being an introvert and kind of weird but now are turning against him for being that way.

By the way, the picture of Gregg Doyel makes him look like a sexual deviant.

Betrayal

Here lies the Benefit of the Doubt for Marvin Harrison.

It expired on Nov. 9, 2008. The official time of death is difficult to determine, because Harrison killed off any final shred of our goodwill -- my goodwill, anyway -- in two different moments Sunday at Pittsburgh, where the Colts won 24-20 in spite of him.

I like how the goodwill did not expire when a gun he owned shot a man and Harrison never came out and defended himself in any fashion. At least that I heard. Not that Harrison has to defend himself but dropping a couple passes in a game seems kind of pointless to make the turning point compared to attempted murder.

There were more than 1,000 pounds of muscular Steelers trying to bash in his head when he put the ball within 2 feet of Harrison, nearly 40 yards down the field.

Harrison couldn't be bothered to catch it.

The pass wasn't perfect, but the effort was nonexistent. Harrison simply didn't try. The ball was about one-half stride ahead of him, coming in at knee level, and Harrison's reaction wasn't to dive or slide or even bend at the waist and reach with both hands. No, his reaction was to stick out a single hand.

If I am not wrong, and I am not, Marvin Harrison missed the entire preseason with an injury. There was also rumors that Harrison's football career would be over and he would never play again, that the knee injury (I believe that is what it was) was so severe his career was in jeopardy. Maybe that is the reason he can't dive all over the place for the ball, regardless of how close it is to him.

He is 36 years old. Other than that one juggling catch against the Patriots you see on highlight reels, when have you ever seen Marvin Harrison dive for a ball? Granted, Peyton Manning is his quarterback, so it is often not necessary to dive, but you rarely see Harrison dive so combining these factors I am not surprised. Gregg is.

The second moment came in the third quarter. Unlike the first moment, described earlier, Harrison didn't look indifferent. No, this time he looked scared.

Football players have a right to be scared. They get hit hard sometimes and it probably hurts. If I were you, leaning back in my La-Z-Boy on Sunday criticizing world class athletes, I would also think whether I would be scared at having to make some catches wide receivers have to make.

It was third-and-3 from the Steelers' 18. Harrison, heading for the end zone's right pylon, got behind cornerback William Gay. Manning delivered a perfect pass at the goal line. Harrison actually made an attempt this time, leaving his feet and going low for the catch, but at that moment Steelers safety Tyrone Carter was arriving. Harrison abandoned his pursuit of the ball, letting it drop, and went into self-preservation mode.

Maybe if I was a Colts fan I would be pissed at this. Clearly Marvin Harrison has given up on getting balls thrown to him that are difficult to get. He is 36 years old, saw Anquan Boldin get hit a few weeks ago and needing to be carted off the field, and does not feel like having the same happen to him.

It makes him scared, not a fraud.

Harrison stayed down. Team officials walked him off the field, then announced he had a mild concussion and said his return was questionable.

On the first play of the Colts' very next possession, Harrison was on the field.

Apparently he decided to gut the concussion out and continue to play. What a fraud! He should sit on the bench and act like he is injured. That would make him a hero!

Once upon a time, Marvin Harrison was the peculiarly shy, introverted receiver who worked hard and put up great numbers. He was a star, and more. He was a role model. We didn't know much about him, but he had earned the benefit of the doubt.

This was completely the media's portrayal of him. Nobody really knew if he was a role model because no one actually knew him. The media wanted him to be a role model for stories around Super Bowl time when the Colts played the Bears, so they just based the fact he had not gotten arrested at that point and seemed to stay out of trouble as an example of him being a role model. Marvin Harrison is still a star, he is just old, and not as capable as he once used to be.

His gun was allegedly used to shoot a man Harrison had been fighting with weeks earlier. The victim has accused Harrison of pulling the trigger, and has even filed a civil law suit.

So basically Gregg Doyel is calling Marvin Harrison a fraud for not correcting the media's portrayal of him as a wonderful and shy person. This is not fraud, clearly Harrison did not give a shit what the media thought of him.

The key point is that no one knew ANYTHING about Marvin Harrison, even his teammates, so calling him a fraud is fraudulent in itself.

but in light of the events in Philadelphia, Harrison seems less shy, and possibly something more sinister.

So now the shy, introvert who just wants to play in football games and not get publicity is a sinister man who lurks in the shadows looking to shoot people for no good reason. Hopefully he does not have to chase anyone while he is lurking around threateningly, because his knee is shot and he can't run fast anymore.

Marvin Harrison could be a horrible human being but you can't call him a fraud because all of the stories that were done on him in the past painted him in a favorable light, and now you find out something negative about him. This is the problem with the media making up storylines. They make up a storyline out of the blue to fit some story.

I see Harrison -- who is having his worst season as a pro -- sitting by himself, 30 yards away. I watch this happen last week at home against the Patriots, and again Sunday at Pittsburgh, and I wonder if Harrison has more in common with Terrell Owens than we'd suspected.

I don't trust shy people, so I would not trust Marvin Harrison at first meeting. He is 36 years old and has always sat alone, there is no news to report here, just a different angle that needs to be made up. Gregg Doyel is happy to oblige.

But that's not fair to Terrell Owens, because T.O. would have done his damndest to make that catch in the second quarter on Sunday, and he wouldn't have been spooked into alligator-arming that drop in the end zone in the third quarter.

Really? There are 38,900 hits when you type "Terrell Owens alligator arms" into Google. Most of the first 3 pages of hits detail people complaining about Terrell Owens having alligator arms with balls over the middle of the field. May not be true, but others seem to disagree with Gregg "my picture makes me look like a sexual deviant" Doyel.

Marvin Harrison? We don't know Marvin Harrison. Or at least, we didn't know him a few years ago. Maybe we're starting to know him now.

I liked him better when I didn't know him at all.

That's fine if you don't like him. Just don't blame him for a misconception the media caused and perpetuated that he was just a shy, normal person.