Thursday, April 30, 2009

22 comments Ten Things I Think I Think Peter King Has Not Thought Of: Contradicting TMQ Edition

I think everyone knows the drill of the "Ten Things..." by now, so I don't really need to explain it. I am busy at work which means I won't be searching for articles today and will just use some good ones I already have.

1. Bill Simmons wrote an article yesterday and it wasn't so bad. That is completely relative of course. In my opinion a "not bad" article by Simmons is a horrible article by someone else. Commenter Ivn actually broke it down much better than I could have in a much shorter time span, so rather than pretend I am bringing up my own points on this article that was really not horrible as a whole, I will give Ivn all the credit and just put some of what he wrote here...then of course I will comment and give us the self referential and pop culture count.

- he kind of defends Rondo's foul on Miller last night (although to be fair he does say later on Rondo should be suspended)

I don't know about suspended but I think if you are going to say he needed to be suspended then it should also have been called a flagrant foul. I don't see how it can't be a flagrant foul at that point and the player still get suspended. That's just my position on things like this. I think a player should be suspended only if the foul was called a flagrant.

- the Pantheon of Faces: "the Brad Miller 'I just got whacked in the face, my lip is swelling, my mouth tastes like blood, I'm seeing stars, and now I have to make two humongous free throws' Face as well as the Brad Miller 'I just missed the first free throw, now I really have to play up how much this hurts and act like I might keel over' Face"

Oh yes, a new Pantheon of Faces entry! How awesome, I hope this makes it to Bill's wikipedia page. I think Bill's goal is to be the first person to have a wikipedia page that links to another wikipedia page because it is so large.

- the most bizarre theory I've ever heard: "You know what else? A reader (can't remember his name) pointed out something to me that I passed along in a podcast and now I will mention here: Kidd is the only guy who can defend LeBron and Kobe. Why? They respect him too much. They don't want to kick his butt. It doesn't make them feel good. They settle for jumpers instead of just destroying him off the dribble in a goofy display of guilt and respect."

I will let Ivn sum this one up.

(what the fuck?)

(This is the most half assed theory I have heard in a while come from Bill. I don't even know if LeBron and Kobe can be defended by Jason Kidd, but even if they can, I would have to doubt this is the reason.)

- Pantheon of Faces-ish, part II: "He let down LeBron so many times that LeBron developed an actual 'Drew Gooden disappointed me yet again and I might have to kill him soon' frown."

After a while, all of these faces just turn into a cliche and don't really mean anything. There are only so many "Faces" that can be created until the Manning Face looks like the Drew Gooden Frown and it turns out many of the "Faces" are just the same face with a different name...which they are anyway.

- a new corollary/theory: "Just one. I call it the Andre Iguodala Corollary -- namely, if you just sucked for the last two minutes of Game 1, bricked two free throws and missed another shot, you are not allowed to prance around like a superstar if you happen to make an absolutely atrocious stutter-step fallaway for the lead -- a shot that you never should have taken in a million years. I will allow you to chest-bump a teammate or two, but that's it," which includes...

I don't know, that seems like kind of a long drawn-out corollary to me. I am not saying it won't catch on with Bill's Simmonsites/SimmonsClones, I never underestimate them, but this is going to be a hard one to self reference back on.

Thanks for the quick summary Ivn, you saved me a lot of writing in vain.

Pop culture count: 8 (Yes, I did not divide by 50)

Self referential count: 7 (Again, I am as saddened as you all are)

2. Gregg Easterbrook made a comment in his TMQ on Tuesday that he is suspicious of players who played on the same team at the same position in college because often one makes another look better than he is. In the comments, we had been naming players this would/would not pertain to. I want to prove Gregg wrong. So today's physical challenge is to think of players who played together, at the same position, in college and played in the NFL and either both sucked, one sucked and the other didn't, or neither sucked.

The rules are that they have to play the same position in college and have played actually together on the field for a year or so. They also have to play a position where the play of one at the position could reflect positively or negatively on the other at the same position, so basically no comparing quarterbacks, kickers, punters, and I would even say it is hard to compare DE and DT (like Ryan Sims and Julius Peppers) or LT and a Guard. I want to see if Gregg has reason to think there could be a trend here or is full of shit.

So far we have:

Kamerion Wimberly (if he was a LB in college) and Ernie Sims: one average and one great OR

Wimberly (if he was a DE in college) and Bunkley (though he is a DT): both suck

Manny Lawson and Mario Williams: one sucks and one is great

AJ Hawk and Bobby Carpenter: one is average and one sucks

Chad Johnson and TJ Houshmanzedah: both are great

Marcus Stroud (though he was a DT), Charles Grant, Richard Seymour: all are great

Michael Haynes and Jimmy Kennedy: both suck

John Henderson and Albert Haynesworth: both are great

Philip Buchanon, Mike Rumph and Ed Reed: average, sucks, great

Vince Wilfork, Jerome McDougle, William Joseph: great, sucks, average

Reggie Wayne and Santana Moss: both are great

Ronnie Brown and Cadillac Williams and Brandon Jacobs: great and average (injuries), great

Dwayne Bowe and Buster Davis: great and average

Jevon Kearse and Reggie McGrew: average and sucks

Felix Jones and Darren McFadden: too early to tell

D.J. Williams and Jonathan Vilma: (though both are injured, both are pretty good)

Play along if you care to and give some more names that match the semi-rules I gave and we can see if Gregg is right. I am looking to do a final tally here soon so we can find out if Gregg is making things up or not.

3. A-Rod is re-fucked in regards to having any credibility in the world of baseball.

Rodriguez put on 25 pounds of muscle between his sophomore and junior years. Former high school teammates told Roberts that A-Rod was using steroids back then and his coach knew it -- an allegation the coach, Rich Hoffman, denied.

That could very well be puberty kicking in, though I don't recall gaining 25 pounds of muscle when I hit puberty. What's funny is that even his high school teammates are selling him out. Normally guys would be bragging they played ball with A-Rod in high school and trying to help him out and not rat him out, but his high school teammates are throwing him under the bus. You would think they would kiss up to him, even though they don't see him anymore, so the high school team doesn't get a semi-black eye for their accomplishments, but they don't. Does anyone like this guy?

• A-Rod "pitch tipped" when he played for the Rangers by letting opponents at the plate know which pitch was coming in lopsided games. A-Rod expected players he helped would reciprocate when he was having an off night and needed to get his batting average up.

This pisses me off as much as the steroids allegations do. It's one thing to try and help your team by cheating, its still cheating, but you are trying to help yourself and your team, but to give away pitch type to the opposing team in blowouts is some shady bullshit. A-Rod is actually hurting his own teammates in this situation, which is the lowest of lows in my book.

There could be a guy on the mound, even in a blowout, looking to pitch a couple of innings in the hopes he could get in the game in a key situation and A-Rod is screwing him over from ever getting that chance. No wonder Texas pitching was so bad, A-Rod helped the other team out.

• A-Rod was hated at Hooters, where he tipped the minimum 15 percent.

Ok, that is just funny to me. I don't know if it is the fact he was hated at Hooters or the fact he only tipped 15% when he made $250 million or the mental image of Hooters waitresses telling Selena Roberts they hate A-Rod, but this amuses me.

4. If this surprises anyone, you don't watch MLB and are not familiar with Scott Boras or the Yankees.

"I think a little bit as a human being you can't help but to think that if the Yankees are interested I would definitely consider it. I wouldn't be looking around if I were under contract for the four years, but I think I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be interested, especially with the Yankees being such a storied franchise. So yeah, you take a look around; you never know what's going to happen. This is a beautiful place."

If I am not wrong, Hideki Matsui is a free agent after this year and Johnny Damon's contract runs out as well. We all know what that means. Matt Holliday, barring a massive offer from an expected team is going to be a New York Yankee next year. It's happening, let's just go ahead and accept it.

I don't think there should be a salary cap in baseball, but as I have said before, I think it is disturbing when anytime a good, young player becomes a free agent, you know exactly what team he is going to end up playing for. If anyone thinks Hanley Ramirez is not going to be a Red Sox or a Yankee at some point in the near future, you are probably wrong. I just wish teams could keep players that are homegrown (and yes, I realize Ramirez and Holliday are not home grown by the team they currently play for), not to mention it just depresses me to know top players will have to take a hometown discount when they become free agents to stay with their current team. The Yankees will always outbid everyone for a free agent, it is just going to happen.

5. As always, Bill Plaschke writes the book on how to do reactionary journalism. This was written after the one loss the Lakers suffered against the Jazz.

Just as we marveled at how they can soar, we must now acknowledge how they can stink.

This was after they lost 1 game. 1 game in Utah, by two points...after they had blown a 13 point lead. Things aren't that bad.

Wonder what the folks in Cleveland were thinking when they watched this mess. So far this spring, the NBA-leading Cavaliers have struck me as anything but, um, lazy.

The Cavs were probably too worried about the Pistons to worry about the Lakers at this point in the playoffs. Even if they did watch the Lakers game it was because the Cavs had the luxury of playing the Pistons, a team that absolutely laid down against the Cavs the entire series.

See what happens? The Jazz now have the energy to push this series further than necessary. The Lakers now have the doubts that will make this series tougher than expected.

The Lakers won the next two games by 11 points and 14 points.

All of these little things add up to a longer road to Cleveland, and a wearier team once they arrive.

The Celtics played in several 7 game series last year and it did not stop them from beating the Lakers nor winning the NBA Championship. Bad point by Bill.

Most likely, by June, this game will be remembered as a hiccup.

Yet, Bill still feels the need to write an entire article about it...and he is writing in a panic.

After Ariza's three-pointer in the middle of the third quarter, I made an announcement to anyone who would listen."It's over!" I declared.

Bill Plaschke is a sage...or he is that dumbass that screams shit like this as the other fans cringe that he just called the game as being over way too early.

The Jazz lost eight games here this season. They apparently lost fans in the process, with empty green seats visible throughout the arena Thursday.

The Jazz went 31-8 at home this year. That is not exactly horrible, the Jazz have one of the best point guards in the NBA, which is the Lakers weakest point...oh, and the final result is the Jazz only won one game, after the Lakers collapsed, and only won the game by 2 points. Really, this article did not need to be written.

6. Lenny Dykstra is not only an accused steroid user but now he is completely full of shit.

I don't know how many of you read this article already but it is worth reading in my opinion, even if it is long. To hear Dykstra talk, you just get the feeling that he is incredibly full of shit, and you also wonder how come his "investors" don't see this as well. He is a pathetic human being. I never liked him as a Phillie and Met and I definitely don't like him at all now.

Other sites have said it when speaking about this article, but if Mike Fish ever shows up at your door and wants to speak with you, don't answer and go missing. He will make you look bad.

7. Rick Reilly gets paid millions of dollars to write articles like this.

OK, listen up! The reason I've gathered every single member of every American sports posse, cru and entourage here is to say one thing:

He spelled crew as "cru." I have never seen this before. This article is an example of the situation in an article where the first part of it is the best part and it only gets worse from there.

We're going to say the Pledge of the Posse. Repeat after me:

I don't see how the head of ESPN.com can look at himself in the mirror after reading a Reilly article and think, "my God, this is journalism at it's finest...I am constantly entertained by his writing. Look at me, I am beaming with pride."

I collect all cell-phone cams!
I always drive!
I don't take nights off!
I carry the gun!
I pack the bags!

These are the rules Rick Reilly has written. Try not to be too impressed at his journalistic ability.
Now get out there and loiter!

If they did loiter, that would be more work than Rick Reilly put into this article. If he is going to entertain, at least entertain. This is not even entertaining or funny.

8. Gregg Doyel writes an interesting article that I enjoyed. I enjoy too many of his articles for my own comfort. This one is about Graham Harrell and I actually believe it is worth reading because it compares Harrell to the other players taken and it does make you wonder.

You don't understand, but then, you wouldn't. All-American quarterback Graham Harrell of Texas Tech wasn't picked during the NFL Draft over the weekend, not early or late or ever, and you don't get it. But that's you.

Me, I get it. Because that's me.

Doyel, as you can see from clicking the link, goes on to list ways that Harrell is superior to those quarterbacks that were drafted, and drafted very high, in the draft. I wonder why Harrell did not get drafted? Is it because scouts think he is a system QB? He was pretty highly recruited out of high school, though they did run a similar offense to Texas Tech, if I remember correctly. I think he would be worth a late round pick.

My questions are this:

If Graham Harrell is not good enough to play in the NFL, how did he put up such great numbers at Texas Tech, and why is Michael Crabtree immune from the "system" enigma by NFL scouts?

If Graham Harrell is good enough to play in the NFL, is he ever going to get a fair shot since he wasn't drafted? There are going to be at least 3 quarterbacks in front of him he will have to beat out. That is tough.

If he can't play quarterback in the NFL, goodness, that league must be full of incredible football players.

Or stupid general managers.

I am not a Graham Harrell advocate but I am a little surprised no team took a chance on him in the draft. You all may disagree but I think this is a great article by Gregg Doyel, especially if you are like me and think Josh Freeman and Mark Sanchez (who Doyel talks about a little bit) are not quite as good as others think they are. I think Harrell has been hurt by previous Texas Tech QB's failures in the NFL.

9. Woody Paige writes about the Broncos choosing Knowshon Moreno, and he does it using his special writing talents, calling it a "no-no." That's a pun!

If Moreno is as big a bust as Steve Sewell, who also was a running back selected by the Broncos in the first round, and if Ayers, chosen No. 18 as a defensive end/outside linebacker, is as mediocre as Jarvis Moss, a defensive end (now outside linebacker), then McDaniels might be a head coach in Denver as long as his predecessor's predecessor — two seasons.

I still don't get why they chose a running back in the first round when the Broncos had so many needs on the defensive side of the ball. I really like Moreno but I don't really like him for the Broncos.

We do know that the Broncos are up to seven — or is it 70? — running backs.

The Broncos also signed three free agent running backs this offseason. I just don't know how he can convince the Denver fan base, who has seen many 1,000 yard rushers over the past several seasons from converted fullbacks and pretty much anyone pulled off the bench, that a good running back is really hard to find. The best running back in franchise history was a 6th round pick and they have a really good offensive line who is going to open up holes, no matter who runs the ball. They don't need to take a running back 12th in the NFL draft.

Hoodie & The Bluefish surprised everyone

This is a team that needs to go back from Orange Slush to Orange Crush

I don't know at what age Woody Paige is going to stop writing shit like this, but I hope it is very, very soon.

And if this team needed Moreno so much, it could have traded down in the first round, gotten another draft choice for today and still have ended up with the Georgia Peach.

Every time an ex-New England Patriot coordinator fails, it makes Bill Belichick look that much smarter.

When McDaniels emerged from the Broncos' draft think tank to answer questions about his first two picks, he sort of gave away what his plans were for the rest of the evening. He made reference to the second round and used the word "they" even though the Broncos had only one choice. They wound up with three choices. The Broncos traded away one of their two No. 1 picks in 2010 to acquire another second-rounder and used it on cornerback Alphonso Smith.

I know it is a bit of a cliche at this point in regards to McDaniels, but are we sure he is not too young for this? I kind of am starting to feel like he is a little bit young and not quite experienced enough. The Broncos could go 13-3 this upcoming year and it would not surprise me, but they could also go 4-12 and I would not be surprised either. They should have focused on defense the entire draft in my opinion.

10. I don't like NASCAR, and have never even watched a race, but David Poole was from my hometown and was pretty well known in this area. He was your typical Southern guy, that type that actually really tends to annoy me, but he really, really knew how to cover NASCAR. He died of a heart attack yesterday and I would not mention this if it were not for Joe Posnanski's wonderful tribute to him. I really like Posnanski and this tribute is one of the main reasons why.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

15 comments TMQ Breaks Down the Draft Using Inaccuracy and Idiocy As a Guide

I want to go ahead and get this out of the way, but with a caveat of course. Bill Simmons was right, the Chicago Bulls-Boston Celtics series is shaping up to be a classic first round series. So he is right about that, but it still doesn't explain why he predicted the series would be won by Boston in 5 games before the series began. So basically he didn't really predict the series would be great, he more observed that it was a great series after it began. Also, the Celtics seemed to do pretty well last night without the key to the series, Ray Allen, who fouled out with 4 minutes left, and the "tired" Paul Pierce hit all five of his last shots in regulation and OT. So Bill was right about the series being a classic, after the series began of course so he was not really "right" he was just able to observe it and then write it down. Also, Ray Allen is not the only Celtic player who is the key to the series and Rondo only did only one thing last night that was something (arguably) no other player in the NBA could do, which was a layup over/around Derrick Rose (I think) to pull the Celtics within two points...I would argue another player could have done that as well or perhaps dunked it but I won't. On to TMQ...

As much as I claim that I hate TMQ, because everytime I read the articles I get frustrated and wish that it would go away, I do miss it when Gregg does not write his weekly contribution to the idiocy of American journalism. Such is the life of mine. I spend most of my time wishing bad journalists to go away, but if they actually left I don't know exactly what I would write about every day. Today Gregg breaks down the NFL Draft in his own special way, which means we get to read a whole new column from a guy who barely seems to understand the basic concepts of football...and this person feels the need to second guess decisions made in the NFL Draft as if he were in fact an expert.

As Tuesday Morning Quarterback endlessly cautions, there is no law of nature that says the NFL must remain popular.

But we don't want to find the NFL saturation point. Better never to know. To tamper with the current super-successful NFL formula is asking for trouble. The current formula is exciting and profitable. Let's leave matters as they are.

I always enjoy it when Gregg and I can start off agreeing with each other. This will be the first, last, and only time we will agree with each other.

What if Godzilla gets laid off? He'll be in a foul mood and take out his frustrations on Tokyo. If the "Cloverfield" sequel gets canceled for cost-cutting reasons, that monster could end up as some kind of juvenile delinquent, staying out all hours, associating with the wrong kinds of creatures. King Kong, Mothra, the Blob -- none of them has the right résumé for globalization, either. Imagine a couple of unemployed movie monsters bumping into each other in a studio lot:

PREDATOR: Wassup 'Zilla? Got a gig?

GODZILLA: I would rather not talk about it.

PREDATOR: Any residuals checks come in lately?

GODZILLA: I said, I don't want to talk about it! (Smashes skyscraper.)

(sound of crickets chirping)

The Cardinals failed to move Anquan Boldin, who complains so much, why would anyone want to trade for him? Boldin has been complaining about his contract for two years and about supposed slights from the Arizona coaching staff for nearly as long.

To be fair, Boldin signed an incredibly team friendly contract extension for 4 years at about $24 million and then the Cardinals signed Larry Fitzgerald to a 4 year $40 million dollar contract extension in 2007 after re-negotiating his rookie contract that was just signed in 2004. Boldin is making almost half the money that Fitzgerald is making and he is not half the receiver that Fitzgerald is. Yes, Boldin has whined about the contract a lot, but other than that he has been a great receiver.

His constant complaining surely is why other teams haven't shown more enthusiasm about obtaining his services -- thus preventing Boldin from getting the new contract he wants.

Sure, Gregg that is the one reason he hasn't gotten traded...that and the Cardinals reportedly want a 1st round pick and possibly more for him. Teams never trade for players who complain about their contract in the NFL...the only exception to this rule is every team in the NFL will do this. Productions trumps a player being a problem child. If a player can be productive, a team will trade for him, no matter how annoying he is. Well, until he is progressively more annoying over a long period of time, but Boldin has not reached that level yet.

Atlanta. The Falcons traded for Tony Gonzalez and only had to surrender a draft choice in 2010 -- TMQ is still trying to figure out how they got away with that.

This is why I think Gregg knows absolutely nothing about the NFL. The reason Atlanta "got away with that" is because they traded a 2nd round pick for a 33 year old tight end. Granted, they received one of the best tight ends in NFL history but a 2nd round pick is pretty high compensation for a tight end that will only play at a high level for 3 more years. (Now watch, Gonzalez be catching TD's well into his upper 30's and have 23 TD receptions against the Panthers)

I like this trade for Atlanta, but Gregg you fucktard, they gave up a 2nd round pick for him, that's how they did it.

I love how Gregg has not noticed that Gonzalez did his fair amount of bitching to get out of Kansas City...then he would take it back...then he would bitch again. Really, why does he get to write a column for ESPN, that's my main complaint? Gonzalez has been complaining about the direction of the franchise for a couple of years, I would think under Gregg's "Boldin" theory no one would want to trade for a guy like Gonzalez who complains.

Atlanta could well go into 2009 as the NFC favorite, and this is the team many touts picked to be the NFL's worst last season.

What the hell are "touts?" He refers to this repeatedly and I have no idea what/who they are.

Oher joins a strong Baltimore roster, and may not be expected to start in 2009. It's possible no Baltimore draft choices will start in the fall, a sign of the team's overall strength.

It could also be a sign the team had very few draft choices, made incredibly bad draft choices, that the coaching staff prefers not to start rookies at the beginning of the year until they adjust to the speed of the NFL or it could be for many other reasons. Just assuming the draft choices don't start because the team is good is a fallacy in reasoning.

Note that after the Bills gave major-money free-agent contracts in past years to offensive linemen Derrick Dockery and Langston Walker, both of whom are average performers, they refused to make a big-money offer to Pro Bowl left tackle Jason Peters, now traded to Philadelphia. Common thread? Dockery and Walker were high draft selections, Peters was undrafted. So it's not just agents who assume that high-drafted players should be paid more; apparently management assumes this, too.

Langston Walker was drafted in the late part of the second round and Derrick Dockery was drafted in the 3rd round, I would not call them both "high draft selections" at all. What's the common thread in Gregg's TMQ? Lack of research on his part looking into what the hell he is talking about.

Jason Peters was undrafted as a tight end out of college. He was converted to LT by the Bills. Management does not assume Peters should be paid less because he is not a high draft pick, he wanted more money than they were willing to pay, especially after the Walker and Dockery debacles, so they traded him for a first round draft pick.

If Peters' name was Tony Gonzalez, Gregg would be wondering how the Bills got a 1st round and 4th round pick for a guy who gave up 11.5 sacks last year and pouted his way through the season last year due to a contract squabble. (See, how I just combined the Boldin and Gonzalez situation into the Peters situation? Gregg should be amazed Jason Peters got a new contract AND he should be amazed how much the Bills got for him)

Though already possessing one of the league's top fullbacks in Brad Hoover,

He has made zero Pro Bowls and no notable career achievements on his wikipedia page. (Pro Bowls mean nothing but Gregg's statement is completely arguable...personally I fucking love Hoover but I try to be objective)

Carolina spent a fourth-round selection on Tony Fiammetta of Syracuse, viewed as the best fullback in the draft. When was the last time an NFL team was overstocked at fullback?

When that team has a fullback that is 33 years old in November and there is no other viable backup on the roster.

TMQ fears the gruntled Jay Cutler is overrated.

Based on what?????????? The fact he doesn't have a great career win-loss record? If so, you should be smacked.

Smith was suspended for his final game at Alabama, then got mad and walked out at the combine, then showed up for his Pro Day out of shape. A perfect fit for the Cincinnati program!

They don't call them "programs" when it is an NFL team. This is just one more thing about the NFL that Gregg doesn't understand.

Actually, I think Gregg writes from the point of view of the fan more than Bill Simmons does, except Gregg's fan perspective is the lazy fan who tends to make random fucking observations as statements of fact based on his misunderstanding of the NFL.

Those extra choices were burning a hole in the Cursors' pocket, however, as Denver traded a first-round choice in 2010 for a second-round choice Saturday. Touts think next year's draft class will be better than this year's, so the trade was mildly puzzling -- same for Carolina trading its 2010 first-round choice for a 2009 second-rounder.

Who the hell is "touts?" Also, as Rulebook (I believe) has told us and Gregg should probably know since he writes for ESPN and all, a second round draft choice this year is equivalent to a first round draft choice this year. Also, Carolina received a 4th round pick in the trade and Denver still has a first round pick next year, so it is not like Carolina traded the 2nd round pick for the 1st round pick straight up or Denver doesn't have a 1st round pick next year.

I am not sure how "touts" know that next year's draft class will be better than this year's draft class, that sounds like pure speculation, much like saying Alphonso Smith will not be better than a 1st round pick available to the Broncos next year.

Lydell Mitchell and Franco Harris notwithstanding, TMQ has always been suspicious of college teammates at the same position drafted high into the NFL, because there's the possibility they made each other look better.

I would wonder why exactly TMQ is suspicious of this but really there is no reason, Gregg is just making things up right now. I think T.J. Houshmanzedah and Chad Johnson have done fairly well in the NFL. They both went to college together and have played games without the other in the lineup for the Bengals. Actually for better proof, Chad Johnson even played in junior college with Steve Smith, and each seems to have done pretty well for himself without the other around. I would like to know the list of players who played together in college that TMQ is suspicious of, but really TMQ doesn't know of any examples of why he should be suspicious so we won't get one.

If USC's linebackers were that good, how come the Trojans lost at Oregon State?

This said Oregon the first time I read this article but ESPN fixed it. I think it would have been easier to fix in the editing process, but what do I really know?

What the hell does losing one game during the college football season have to do with whether the USC linebackers are any good? Using this messed up logic, the only team in college football that would have good players is Utah. That's like saying, if Peyton Manning so good, how come he never won a National Championship at Tennessee? Or how come Tom Brady never won the Michigan starting QB job if he is such a great quarterback?

If both of BC's defensive tackles deserved to be high NFL draft choices, how did anyone ever run inside on Boston College?

(me getting a headache wondering why this man is so stupid)

Life is not a video game, just because a team has two good players on a starting defensive roster of 11 doesn't mean that team will not get beaten or will always be successful.

The visuals of the original 1960s show were delightfully cheesy -- simple sets, starcruiser models held up by wires, "futuristic" coffee mugs that obviously were Styrofoam cups covered with tin foil. The minimalism of the sets and special effects forced the show to be plot-driven, which is why it was so good. You've already guessed that the upcoming movie is crammed with super-advanced computer-generated battle scenes and superbly detailed sets.

I am sure if the new Star Trek used styrofoam cups covered with tin foil for props that would automatically make the plot of the new movie that much better. Movies do tend to rely on special effects too much sometimes but not relying on special effects doesn't make the movie better, it could very well make the movie cheesier, cheaper and turn off the audience.

But wait, how could fancy Starfleet spaceships have happened before the spare, low-rent Starfleet depicted in the 1960s series?

They are two completely different series with two completely different sets of actors. Is it possible to just let this go?

Yet if time travel were possible, at the instant anyone departed for the past, any changes he or she caused would already be in effect -- since after all, they already occurred long ago. If Romulans interfered with the past when Kirk was a teen, any changes they caused already would have been apparent when the Year 2264 was first depicted in the 1960s original series.

Gregg Easterbrook has to be the absolute most insufferable human being that has ever existed. If you don't understand or don't want to understand the premise, don't watch the movie. It's like he doesn't want to be entertained, he wants everything to make logical, perfect sense all the time.

The Giants have drafted several defensive backs high in the same period. That's a lot of skinny gentlemen. Who's going to man the trenches? Tackle William Beatty, taken in the second round, is the first high-drafted offensive lineman for Jersey/A in five years.

Well, they don't really need a new offensive line considering the one they had last year was intact for every game, were tied for first in rushing yards per game, first in yards per carry average, and had led the Giants to a Super Bowl victory in 2008.

Why draft a position you don't necessarily need?

the Mets' average premium seat is $150, the Yankees' is $500. The Yankees really think their team has three times the appeal of the Mets?

Of all the people in the world who would understand the principle of economics, I would think it would be Gregg Easterbrook. The Yankees don't think their team has three times the appeal of the Mets, they think the Yankees fans will pay three times as much for a ticket to see the Yankees play. It's simple economics and supply-demand. It may be stupid supply-demand, or incorrect supply-demand, but the Yankees did not have a big meeting where they looked at the ticket prices of the Mets in their new stadium and then tried to guess how much more appeal the Yankees had than the Mets.

Touts assume the Dolphins will switch White to slot receiver and kick returner; TMQ thinks he will play quarterback.

Since the Dolphins cut John Beck yesterday, I would say TMQ is correct.

Suppose Chad Pennington starts at quarterback, but White comes in for, say, 10 snaps a game behind center. White can either run or throw -- his passing accuracy is better than you think.

Better than who thinks? I don't understand why Gregg thinks he is telling us all something here. Pat White was a quarterback at WVU for four years, and a very successful quarterback as well, I think his accuracy is pretty good and it really should be.

You get the feeling that if Heyward-Bey had gone in the second round, his chances of a successful NFL career would be higher.

If you get this feeling, you could very well be wrong. Even as a second round pick, Heyward-Bey would have been required to come in and play well his first year in the NFL. His chances of success would only increase if he were not drafted so high as to be relied on early in his career and then he would probably not have as much skill or be blocked by a superior receiver in the lineup. Maybe not, I just like to challenge any stupid assumption that Gregg Easterbrook makes, and this was a stupid assumption.

Texas Tech coach Mike Leach was fuming Saturday night about how various supposed NFL conspiracies prevented Crabtree from going at the very top of the draft, which would have been a feather in Leach's cap. Hey, Crabtree went 10th. This is not chopped liver!

I don't know what it is about Gregg's DNA that forces him to write down things like this that are complete half truths. Mike Leach was upset about Michael Crabtree being seen as a diva and that being the reason he fell in the draft, and not just that Crabtree feel in the draft, but he was really fuming about Graham Harrell not being drafted at all. That was the main focus of his anger.

I don't know if Gregg just intentionally left that part out, did not know that part, or just wanted to write something down that was really only half of the story, but he is kind of misrepresenting exactly why Mike Leach was angry.

The Blue Men Group brain trust must think 2008 was a fluke and Seattle's accustomed winning ways will return in 2009, since they traded their second-round selection to bank a 2010 first-rounder. The transaction was with Denver, which was holding its own 2010 first-rounder plus Chicago's. The Seahawks got Denver's 2010 first-round pick, with Denver keeping Chicago's 2010 first choice. Thus Seattle wagers that Denver will have a worse season than Chicago:

Yes, Gregg this is exactly what this means. Why do I feel like Gregg is learning all of this for the very first time? I constantly feel like he is teaching a class of NFL for Beginners to a classroom full of NFL Intermediates.

Last year at No. 2, Les Mouflons passed on Matt Ryan, an instant star at quarterback;

This fact everyone knows only in retrospect. There are few people who thought Matt Ryan would step in and play as well as he did from Day 1.

Since that contract, Bulger has more interceptions than touchdown passes, while St. Louis would owe him $11 million if waived. This makes the Rams perceive themselves as locked in to Bulger.

Bulger has stunk since signing that extension but if the Rams had drafted Mark Sanchez this year they would have signed him to almost $40 million in guaranteed money and still had to pay Bulger the money he was owed, if they didn't trade him. If the Rams did trade him, then Sanchez would have to start from Day 1, assuming the Rams don't sign another quarterback to start the year. For a team that is rebuilding right now, it is very hard to put that much money into the QB position, so they were not only perceived as locked into Bulger at the QB position, they actually ARE locked into him at that position. They could have traded him and then taken Sanchez, but what team would really want Marc Bulger and his contract?

Remember, at New England, McDaniels worked with Tom Brady, whom no other team wanted, then with Matt Cassel, whom no other team wanted. Now McDaniels has Orton, whom no other team wanted.

Kyle Orton is not exactly the pick of the litter or anything but I don't know how the hell Gregg knows that no other team wanted Orton. He was drafted in the 4th round and the Bears did not offer him in a trade to any other team, at least that I know of. He lasted until the fourth round in the draft but I don't think it is exactly accurate to say no other team in the NFL wanted Orton. The Bears have had his rights since then, so no other team has had a chance to get Orton.

It's blanket statements like this that Gregg Easterbrook makes that just gets my blood boiling.

Going into the 2008 season, the Pittsburgh Steelers were the best team under the radar.

Which is so easy to say after they won the freaking Super Bowl last year. Hindsight makes things so much easier to understand doesn't it?

Going into the 2009 season, the Tennessee Titans are the best team under the radar.

The team with the best record in the AFC last year is the best team under the radar? Only in Gregg's world. Besides there are only 32 teams in the NFL, how far under the radar can any team really be?

Wouldn't it be nice if Redskins management was putting its quarterback into a position to succeed rather than systematically undercutting him!

It would be nice, but that is the state of the NFL today. Those who follow the NFL for more than the purpose of questioning every coach's logical decision understand this. Teams are always looking for better players at the quarterback position. Jay Cutler was undercut by Josh McDaniels, Kellen Clemons was undercut by Rex Ryan, Luke McCown and two other quarterbacks were undercut by Raheem Morris drafting Josh Freeman, and this happens all the time. Just because Washington is right around the corner from where you live doesn't mean it doesn't happen all the time and Washington is the only team that does this.

Last week reader Alec Stais of New York received an e-mail from Radio City Music Hall, urging him to buy tickets now to the 2009 Christmas pageant. Radio City said the tickets were offered for "presale." Isn't a "presale" the same as a "sale"?

Holy crap it is! Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? That doesn't make sense! Life is so wacky, let's write about things like this in a football column some more.

Peter Love of Arlington, Va., writes, "My family and I were watching 'It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown.' The Peanuts gang goes to a department store to get Easter presents for Sally, Peppermint Patty and Marcie. Charlie Brown complains that the store already has its Christmas decorations and merchandise out. There's even a store sign visible in a scene that says, 'Only 246 Days Left Until Christmas.' This special first aired in 1974, so obviously Christmas Creep was an issue back then."

Peter Love of Arlington, Virginia, please do not encourage Gregg Easterbrook to continue his Christmas Creep shit every year. We get it, Christmas comes earlier every year because retail outlets want to sell more stuff. We get it, it's understood, now shut up about it.

"See you in September ..." Actually in August, when the football artificial universe resumes.

I won't be looking forward to it...even though I will be.

Ok, how many egregious, idiotic things that Gregg said did I miss?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

22 comments Messin' With Ross Tucker and a Peter King Follow Up

I am waiting for Gregg Easterbrook to put out his TMQ, but in the meantime I figured, like any good bully, I would pick on Ross Tucker and make fun of his brilliant observations. Hopefully Peter will be done Tweeting and actually have his MMQB-Tuesday out by the time I am done with this and then because it takes me a full day to digest Easterbrook's ramblings I can tackle him at a very soon to be later date.

Ross Tucker doesn't give every team a grade, that's pointless he says, so he picks arbitrary categories like "Loved It" or "Didn't Love It Or Hate It" as a much more accurate form of displaying what he thought about each team's draft.

Giving a draft grade for each team the day after the draft is a fruitless exercise. It takes a minimum of three years before a draft can be revisited and evaluated to determine how productive a team was with its selections.

Giving an arbitrary letter grade is much stupider than giving an arbitrary phrase indicating how you liked a team's draft. In three years the Falcons draft may not be an A-, but Ross Tucker's grade of "Love It," still holds up..according to him. One reason Ross Tucker gets his articles bookmarked by me is that he shrugs off one subjective arbitrary category using letter grades to grade how teams did in the NFL draft to use a completely different subjective arbitrary category to grade how NFL teams did in the NFL draft.

Loved It

This is category one. I don't mean to assume but when Tucker says he "loved it," I am assuming that means an "A" was received.

Baltimore Ravens: The Wizard of Oz, GM Ozzie Newsome, does it again by entering the draft with no glaring needs and getting tremendous value at every selection.

No glaring needs other than another good WR, an improved OL, younger CB, and backups at LB and DE. Other than that, yes nothing sticks out.

Cincinnati Bengals: Marvin Lewis is tired of trying to play finesse football in the black and blue division. Instead of running from the bullies in the schoolyard in Baltimore and Pittsburgh, the Bengals are going to hit them in the mouth with Alabama tackle Andre Smith and USC linebacker Rey Maualuga.

Then Smith will attempt to digest the fallen player whole while Maualuga dances behind him...but later apologizes.

Instead of running from bullies they chose a group of players with character/motivation issues. That's a route they have never been down before.

Philadelphia Eagles: They got arguably the best receiver in the draft, Jeremy Maclin, at No. 19

This is only arguable because it is clearly not true. Michael Crabtree is a better receiver and Percy Harvin would have been picked before Maclin if he had not smoked pot before the Combine.

Oh, and did I mention they got the most talented left tackle in the league in Jason Peters via trade

Yesterday we had the TRADE OF THE YEAR and today we have Jason "11.5 sacks allowed last year" Peters as the most talented left tackle in the league. I am starting to wonder if the columnists at CNNSI.com are starting to lose their minds.

Hated It

This is arbitrary category #2.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers:

The Bucs still need a defensive tackle, though I am sure they hope Roy Miller from Texas can fill that role.

Considering he is listed as a DT, I would certainly guess the Bucs are not planning on trying him out at wide receiver, and are, in fact, hoping he can play the defensive tackle position.

Didn't Love It Or Hate It

This is arbitrary category #3.

You're Gonna Do What?

Arbitrary category #4. Oh shit, now Ross Tucker is not even using categorical phrases, but using phrases in the form of questions to describe how teams did. I thought for sure the Bengals would get their own category of "Why Did You Drive Drunk and Then Get In A Fight?" but they didn't.

Oakland Raiders:

First-round pick Darrius Heyward-Bey is fast but has trouble catching the ball at times, which is kind of a problem when you are trying to make your living as an NFL receiver.

If Bill Simmons wrote her, he would say, "Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Oakland Raiders." I am not kidding, I thought about the format of http://www.euthanizealdavis.com/ earlier this morning and already have the background picked out for the site. I am not sure if everyday I would post something else about Al Davis that should piss the Raiders fan base off or what, but after reading the Raider's message board yesterday, they need an intervention ASAP. I feel like I would doing a public service by starting this site for the Raiders fans everywhere.

New York Jets: Everyone else loves what the Jets did. Not me. It is hard for me to imagine USC quarterback Mark Sanchez being better as a rookie than fourth-year vet Kellen Clemens.

Exactly.

The pressure on Sanchez will be huge for a team whose roster is ready to win now. Drafting only three players means the team is looking to get into the postseason.

Ex-freaking-actly. Though I mock Ross Tucker for stating the obvious a lot, I am glad he stated the obvious here. I think it needed to be said...at least in my opinion.

Need More Information

Arbitrary category #5. Really every single draft pick made could go under this heading and every single grade could be "Need More Information" since none of the players have ever played a single down in the NFL. I digress though...

Jacksonville Jaguars: Jack Del Rio was tired of drafting guys who didn't pan out.

As opposed to Dan Snyder and Al Davis who just can't seem to get enough of it.

New York Giants

You can't tell me Nicks and Barden will be better than Anquan Boldin or Braylon Edwards the next two years. By the time the rookies develop, the window on the Giants' title hopes might be closed.

I obviously can't predict the future (if you don't believe me, just look at my New Orleans-Denver series prediction), but I don't think the Giants window is going to close in two years. Except on the offensive line, which is not that old, the Giants have a pretty young team at the skill positions of QB, RB, WR, DE, and CB. I think both players would have made sense for the Giants, but I would actually argue they helped their future out by not trading for one of two guys who are (a) older than the guys they drafted and (b) have certain questions about their durability (Boldin) and ability to catch the football and not drop it (Edwards). Both players would probably also want new contracts in the new future, Boldin especially, which would not be good for the Giants salary cap situation.

I am not arguing the Giants are better without those two players, because they are not, but I don't think they have mortgaged the future by drafting younger, less proven players. I think Nicks could turn into a great receiver. He put up great numbers at UNC with three different (and not quality) quarterbacks throwing the ball to him.

Detroit Lions: This draft will always hinge on whether Matthew Stafford earns the exorbitant money he is receiving.

You mean the Lions draft success will depend on whether the guy they paid nearly $42 million dollars guaranteed and are relying upon to lead the team for the next decade becomes a good player or not? Surely, Ross you must jest. Thanks for the insight.

To his credit, he has handled the process fantastically up to this point. Now he just needs to play well.

So far he has interviewed well and managed to walk up to the podium, fake smile, and hold up a Detroit Lions jersey. Granted, Eli Manning was not able to do this in when he was drafted by the Chargers, but I think we should hold off on giving Stafford credit until he actually does play well.

Oklahoma State tight end Brandon Pettigrew and Western Michigan safety Louis Delmas are the most physical players at their position and fit what Jim Schwartz is trying to do in the Motor City.

Which is win one game this year.

Steady As She Goes

Arbitrary ranking #6 is the pirate phrase ranking apparently. Though he did forget the word "mate," but I will forgive him.

Indianapolis Colts:

BYU wide receiver Austin Collie has Colt written all over him

I want to make fun of this but I said the same thing about Larry English and the Patriots in my mock draft. The guy's last name is Collie and Tucker says he has "Colt" written all over him. It would have been an animal joke if I had made one, but I won't.

Tennessee Titans:

The Titans got another young body on the defensive line in Sen'Derrick Marks, who they will need to get to play hard on every snap.

The rest of the guys on the Titans defense will only need to play hard 73% of the snaps. Actually, this is better than having Albert Haynesworth, who only played hard when he was going to be a free agent.

Shrug Of The Shoulders

Arbitrary ranking #7. Rather than the 5 letters of the alphabet that are usually used to grade a team's draft, Ross Tucker has created 7 different phrases, which should help his grades hold up in the long run much better. Screw you Mel Kiper Jr.!

San Francisco 49ers:

Ball State quarterback Nate Davis gives San Francisco a physically gifted quarterback who has some obstacles to overcome to become an NFL caliber passer.

Is this a vague reference to the fact he has a learning disability? Specifically dyslexia? No offense but even with a learning disability he is probably more intelligent than 50% of the players currently in the NFL. I say this even though Davis got an 11 on the Wonderlic.

Peter did manage to get his MMQB-Tuesday out in time.

Sadly, Ivn did not make the mailbag this week...and neither did I. We will get over our disappointment and rebound next week.

"I don't care if I screwed up in picking the tackle number two,'' Devaney told me. "I was tired of seeing our quarterback get killed. I don't care if we give up 50 points a game, I'm not going to sit around and watch our quarterback get abused the way he did last year and the way he would have if we didn't address the offense line.

I just think the Bills and the Lions should take note of this quote. I am not going to mention this again. I'm done.

Must be a terrible thing for Carr, by the way. He gets picked number one in the draft, and what he's remember for most is getting sacked -- 208 times in his first four seasons. He never led the league in anything in those four season, other than being sacked. Three times in those four years he led the NFL in times sacked.

I got the anti-privilege of watching David Carr play two years ago and though he was sacked a lot early in his career, if there was a defensive lineman who got anywhere near him, he would shut it down and not even try to complete a pass but just prepare for the sack. He was actually ducking before the defensive lineman could get to him in the Tennessee game two years ago for Carolina. David Carr is also kind of a wimp and I will never defend him in any setting.

Did you wonder, like I did, why the Bucs, set on taking Kansas State quarterback Josh Freeman with their first-round pick, paid the Browns a sixth-rounder for the privilege of moving up two spots in the round.

Blame the Mel-Kiperization of the draft world.

"A lot of mock drafts had Denver taking Josh Freeman,'' Tampa Bay GM Mark Dominik said the other night. "I thought paying a sixth-rounder was a small price to pay for insurance to make sure we got our guy.''

Tampa Bay fans have to be absolutely thrilled that their GM pays attention to mock drafts by the media who can't even get 50% of their picks right for his information rather than networking through the league or maybe just using any other method available to the GM of an NFL team. I can't think of a more stupid reason to move up in the draft than to look at mock drafts and base your team decisions on that. Next thing we know this guy will be making decisions based on the Truth and Rumors section at SI.com. I am going to go ahead and say this does not bode well for the Bucs.

From Chad Short of Dallas: "Britney Spears' father, Jamie Spears, was able to get control of Britney due to her self-destruction. Are there any grounds for the NFL to do the same thing with the Oakland Raiders? At some point someone needs to step in and say enough's enough.''

Well, I think a lot of Raider fans share your pessimism.

Here's the thing, they don't share the pessimism. Again, I don't like taking cheap shots but that article is like a big, wonderful cheerleading homeristic dream. Sorry, I think it is true. If Heyward-Bey and Mitchell turn out to be worthy of the spots they were drafted, I will be shocked.

From Alex Martin of New Orleans: "You write, 'I've never seen so many teams so in love with a corner who runs 4.53 as is the case with Malcolm Jenkins.' Interesting way to look at it. Especially when you consider Nnamdi Asomugha ran a 4.5 40 coming out of college, too. How did he work out?''

In your face Peter King. His readers really are smarter than he is...and yes, I realize Asomugha was a smart Raiders draft choice, but then they gave him that absurdly stupid contract...so they get no credit from me.

Peter, what say you?

Very well. He's the highest-paid cornerback ever. But I'd bet you a grande latte that there was more interest higher in the draft for Jenkins, who was drafted 14th overall, than there was in 2003 for Asomugha, who was drafted 31st.

So Peter is saying, Jenkins drew more interest running a 4.53 40 coming out of college than Asomugha did and that proves his original statement that Jenkins had the most interest of any corner who ran a 4.5 40? Possibly his statement could only be true because Asomugha proved you don't have to be exceptionally fast to be a great corner in the league. Except Peter wasn't comparing the two players, he was questioning whether that was fast enough to run the 40 for an NFL cornerback. Peter made that statement and I think it inherently contained some questions as to why all the teams were interested in Jenkins if he ran that slow of a 40, like Peter did not understand why the teams liked him. I think he forgot Asomugha ran a "slower" 40 but Asomugha ran a 4.50 40 and turned out to be a great player so he feels stupid for forgetting...so Peter plays semantics rather than admit he forgot.

Peter could easily say, "Yes there was a lot of interest in Jenkins because of the success of Asomugha," and admit he forgot Asomugha ran that "slow," but instead he takes all of the questioning out of his own statement and tries to act like it was just a simple statement that Jenkins had the most interest ever for a guy who ran a "slow" 40. (As if there should be a chart that gauges the "interest level" for cornerbacks who ran a "slow" 40 and Jenkins would have the most interest) Really Peter was doubting whether Jenkins could be successful running that time in the 40 and a reader called him on it, and Peter being petrified of the fact he completely forgot what Asomugha ran in the 40 and was successful in the NFL, just tries to make his original statement just a simple statement that Jenkins received more interest than any other cornerback who ran a 4.5 40.

I'm tired now. I think Ivn and my questions were much better and challenging than the one's Peter got. We'll try again sometime.

It's on to trying to read TMQ so I can decipher it for everyone tomorrow.

Monday, April 27, 2009

14 comments MMQB Review: The Mark Sanchez Era at MMQB Has Begun

I don't know if anyone heard or not, but Mark Sanchez got traded to the New York Jets. That's enough to make Peter King leave his new dog loving digs in Boston to head back to Jersey. Mark Sanchez is like Brett Favre, Matt Ryan, and Ben Affleck all rolled into one. We are going to be hearing an awful lot about him in the future in Peter's MMQB.

Let's hear what Peter has to say about the draft.

I'm going to have 32 opinions on 32 teams here in a few paragraphs, and a few will surprise you.

The only thing that could surprise me is if I agree with Peter on his opinions.

But I've got to start off with a cool story that played a big part in the trade of the weekend -- and, in all likelihood, the trade of the year in the NFL.

Yes, you have heard it hear first. The trade of the year in the NFL dealt involved a completely unproven rookie QB who only started for one year in college for 2 unknown draft picks and three guys that few people have heard of. THE TRADE OF THE YEAR! If tomorrow Julius Peppers and Anquan Boldin get traded for each other and then the Cardinals ship Peppers to Houston for Steve Slaton and finally Carolina trades Anquan Boldin for a 1st round pick, it will not be as big as this trade...mostly because this trade involved the Jets and the media's new golden boy, Mark Sanchez.

Really, if this trade ends up being the trade of the year in the NFL, then this is going to be a very boring year in regards to trades. This could only be considered the trade of the year if you are a braindead sportswriter or a Jets fan.

1. Safety Abram Elam, the most important of three players in the deal between Cleveland and the Jets that netted USC quarterback Mark Sanchez.

I like how Peter usually picks the most marginal player to be the key in the trade. Kyle Orton and Abram Elam, who is 27 and has a total of 79 tackles in the NFL have been the key to the last two major trades Peter has written about.

Given that the Jets didn't want to include their 2010 first-round pick in the deal, they had to get creative and throw in three players coach Mangini wanted: Elam, defensive lineman Kenyon Coleman and backup quarterback Brett Ratliff.

And really, those three guys who are all fairly non-descript players, are much better than a 1st round draft pick. Who can really question Eric Mangini's expertise with player personnel? He's the Mangenius!

In March, Elam signed the offer sheet with Cleveland; he thought he'd be a Brown. A week later, the Jets matched the offer, and now he thought he was a Jet for good. So now the Jets had to find some face-saving way to ask Elam to sign this formal document approving a trade ... a trade that might not happen.

Perhaps Peter could offer a massage or maybe a one hour dinner with him at Jerome Bettis' restaurant? Otherwise, I think showing up on his doorstep with a bundt cake would be the best way to get Elam to sign this deal.

On Saturday, the draft got to Cleveland's pick. The Browns were set on moving down, and they pulled the trigger. The deal got approved by the league when it looked over the paperwork and saw Elam's signature on the legal document approving the trade.
And now you know ... the rest of the story.


Wow, that's how the TRADE OF THE YEAR happened? It seems so simple and understated, almost like it was just a standard trade between two lousy teams who traded an unproven quarterback for two unknown draft picks and three non-descript players. I am sure it was much more than that to Peter though. It was the arrival of Mark Sanchez in New York. He is so dreamy!

We won't know if Sanchez is going to make it for a few years, obviously.

TRADE OF THE YEAR IN THE NFL!

If trading three average players for a guy who is not expected to make an immediate impact is not the trade of the year, then I want no part of this world.

But I like teams that love players and, within reason, break the bank to get them. I like the moves.

Hmmm...the phrases "breaking the bank" and "within reason" do seem sort of mutually exclusive to me.

So in 2002 if the Packers loved Joey Harrington and then broke the bank to get him, but within reason of course, Peter King would still love this trade? I don't believe this.

Let's look briefly -- and in a few cases not-so-briefly -- at nuggets for the 32 teams (click team name to see complete draft class):

Nuggets! We have a food alert!

Atlanta

Thomas Dimitroff overpaid for a 33-year-old tight end in year 13, but Dimitroff has proven in 14 months on the job that he doesn't care what you and I and the man in the moon think about things like Sam Baker picked too high at 21, or a two for Gonzalez. He just gets the right players and doesn't beat himself up too much over the compensation.

Exactly, he overpays for the right players, not always a bad move. How does he know he is overpaying for the right players, meaning how does he know which players are the right players? Well let's just say, he worked for New England at one time...that is all you really need to know Falcons fans. Sleep better...

Baltimore.

Now they just might have a DE to rival Jared Allen for motor -- Utah's Paul Kruger, a first-round prospect on one draft board I know of.

One team out of 32 teams thought he was a first round draft pick and this is supposed to prove he could have been a 1st round pick? Probably the Raiders were the ones that had him that high.

Carolina.

I like the Syracuse fullback, 246-pound Tony Fiammetta, probably the best blocking back in college football last year, at pick 128. DeAngelo Williams might be better this year with Fiammetta clearing the way.

He ran for 1,500 yards and 18 touchdowns last year. I think he has reached his ceiling, he is not getting any better than that.

Cleveland.

Now, judging the trade: Tough call. I had one GM say it was a rout for the Jets, another said the Browns won. Not to cop out, but we need time to see how the Browns did.

I am in the minority on this when I say I think there were no winners in the Cleveland-New York Jets trade. Again, I may be wrong.

What will always shadow McDaniels, of course, is using the first of two first-round picks on a running back with crying needs across the board on defense. "I've learned the hard way that running backs are hard to come by,'' said McDaniels, "and we thought he was the best one.''

There is no way in hell Denver Broncos fans are buying this logic. They have put fullbacks as running backs and gotten 1,000 yard rushing seasons out of them...especially with the great offensive line the Broncos have. I like Moreno but don't like this decision to not go defense. In my opinion, they had to go defense with their 1st two picks in the draft.

Detroit.

Never, ever, ever have I heard a fan base boo the prospect quarterback and wild cheer a linebacker who doesn't sack the quarterback

I demand to know since when the ultimate job of a linebacker has been to sack the quarterback? When did that become how we judge a linebacker?

Kansas City.

Scott Pioli's first draft was like the Patriots' first few with Pioli running the scouting department in New England: blue-collar players who love the game and will work at it. Tyson Jackson may not lead the league in sacks (he had 18.5 in three starting seasons at LSU), but he will lead the team in "yes sirs'' and will play all four spots on the defensive line.

Probably the worst analysis of a team's choices I have read yet. Nothing football related...but I do know "yes sirs" are now worth half of a sack AND Tyson Jackson is going to have fantasy eligibility at DE and LB (wait, are there are even positions for both of those?). The Chiefs will also get extra points each game for the team displaying enthusiasm at the beginning of the game, much like a cheerleading contest. This has all the makings of a 7-9 team...but a really happy one, which is all that really matters.

New England.

I go into the Patriots in more depth later,

Does that shock anyone at all? A MMQB would not be complete without a little bit of overdiscussion about the state of the Patriots.

but I thought it was a strange draft, almost drunk with the power of moving back.

Peter is overkilling any criticism of the Patriots here to throw me off his track. It's not working, he will be praising this draft in three years. I thought it was a great draft for the Patriots. Chung, Brace, and Butler are all going to be solid pros.

San Diego.

I was like everyone else -- Larry English at 16? Crazy -- till I got on the phones Saturday night and kept hearing, "Great pick.''

One of my favorite characteristics of Peter King is his ability to never take a stand on anything. He lets other people dictate how he feels about players. If he thought English was picked too early then he should just stick with his opinion, who cares what other's thought about it...but that's not how Peter works, plus I have a feeling he has no clue who Larry English is.

Seattle

And Aaron Curry is a bulletproof pick. He should lead that defense for years.

But he can't rush the passer! But he can't rush the passer! How is he going to be any good if he can't do that? That's what LB's do, right? Rush the passer and never tackle the ball carrier?

Washington

I like Brian Orakpo, if he's playing hard every snap.

The good news is that Orakpo and Vernon Gholston don't have far to travel to discuss how to make it look like they are exerting themselves on the football field.

"Every team that passed on me will regret it for the rest of the history of their franchise.''--Tackle Eben Britton, drafted 39th overall by the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Chicago and Dallas are in the clear. Their first picks came after No. 39. But all you other teams out there, all 29, you're in big, big trouble.

Actually Carolina picked at #43 as well, so they are in the clear. Thanks for forgetting about us.

I hate bitching about not getting respect or any type of coverage, and I know Carolina is not the only team this happens to, but between zero mention of the Julius Peppers situation and the fact he forgets about Carolina here, I get the feeling there are only a few teams Peter actually knows anything about. I wonder what other franchises in the NFL feel a little bit left out sometimes by Peter? Of course, I generally hate anything he does write about them, so I need to stop complaining.

In three seasons at Maryland, Heyward-Bey had four 100-yard receiving games. He never had more than five touchdown catches in a season.

Peter and I completely agree. If there was one pick in this draft I absolutely hated, it was the first two picks by the Raiders. I am glad I am not a Raiders fan because I would be setting up the site www.euthanizealdavisnow.com five minutes after the Martin Mitchell pick.

One other note from the road:

Changing planes at DFW Sunday, I used the men's room near one of the American gates. I walked into one of the toilet stalls with the automatic flushers.

WHOOOOOSH. I closed the door to the stall and sat down.

Three more times I heard the same WHOOOOOSH as I sat there and minded my own business.

Of course, no flush when I get up and leave the stall. Gotta love technology.

Oh yes, we just got a play-by-play of Peter King taking a shit. This is a column about football and he threw in a part about him taking a shit in the toilet at an airport. I said a few months ago we were five years away from him describing his fecal matter in great detail to us. I just moved that timeline up 2 years. It's now 3 years before he starts discussing it. I am actually marginally excited about this for some reason. If only because I get to write about it in the aftermath and really poop jokes are my favorite.

Bill Belichick took time out to mail a very nice note and donation to the Dr. Z benefit, which is now three short weeks away. He wrote: "My best wishes for a successful fund-raising effort in support of Paul Zimmerman, one of the great keepers of the football flame. Sincerely, Bill Belichick.''

I really did not need to know exactly what he wrote. I feel like after Spygate Peter needs to prove Belichick is a good person when everyone knows he is.

I did not think Belichick wrote, "Go fuck yourself asshole. Oh yeah, you can't, you had a stroke. Go dream about fucking yourself Dr. Shithead. Eat my ass, Bill Belichick."

To recap, SI pro football writing legend Paul Zimmerman suffered three strokes in late November and is currently unable to read, write or speak coherently. We're trying to jump-start his therapy and road back to writing one day, hopefully, by raising money to allow him to undergo some aggressive therapy in Michigan and New Jersey.

I am going to write this again. I really hope some of this money is going to other victims of strokes. Dr. Z is probably in the 1% income bracket here in America and I would say many of those in the 99% of America's income bracket could use this therapy as well. I hope it is going to them.

Also, the fact Dr. Z can't read, doesn't stop Peter from leaving a note in his MMQB for him. It's almost like he is taunting him.

f. The Mid-American Conference has first-, second- and third-team all-conference teams. Ohio University safety Michael Mitchell did not make any of the three last fall. The Raiders used the 15th pick of the second round on Mitchell.

If any Raider fans read this blog, please start a blog called www.euthanizealdavis.com. Do it for me please, I think it would be hilarious. If someone doesn't do this, I will do it and then let everyone grip about the Raiders on it.

l. You watch: Abram Elam will make a Pro Bowl someday in Cleveland.

I don't really know about this. I think Peter is going overboard about a guy who is 27 years old and has had a fairly average career so far. Not to mention Kerry Rhodes, Ed Reed, Troy Polamalu, and Bob Sanders play in his conference. That's just off the top of my head some of the other safeties in the AFC who will most likely voted into the Pro Bowl before Elam.

p. I don't like Brian Hartline to the Dolphins in the fourth round.

No!!! Peter doesn't like it!

I love it.

Peter, you rascal! You got me again.

q. I like Seattle's forward-thinking and all. But Mike Teel? I mean, does Seattle have a scout on the East Coast? And did he actually watch a Rutgers game the past couple of years?

Teel did throw 7 touchdowns in 3 quarters against Louisville this year. Just thought I would mention someone did watch a Rutgers game. Teel is pretty hot and cold but when he is hot, he plays very well. I wonder if Peter watched a Rutgers game? He is the all-time winningest QB in team history, not that it means everything, but it should count for a little bit of something when looking at players in the later rounds.

Except for well-regarded cornerback Darius Butler, the Patriots four second-rounders were greeted with shoulder shrugs around the league. I really like Brandon Tate, warts and all, because he's probably the best returner in the draft, and if he screw up one time with his poor personal track record, the Patriots can just cut him. But the upside on him -- as it might have been with Harvin -- is big when you've got such a big cushion because of all the extra draft picks.

I liked the picks actually. I thought they got good value in Butler, Chung could very well be better than Sanders and Meriweather, and Brace is a good fit for when/if Seymour leaves after this year (I think he is a FA after this year).

g. Zim, please come back. You can have the mock back next year. I just borrowed it for a year. It's your franchise.

The poor man can't read right now, please quit taunting him Peter.

8. I think the Vikings easily took the biggest risks on draft weekend, picking all-purpose threat Percy Harvin at 22 and tackle Phil Loadholt at 54. Foxsports.com reported Harvin tested positive for marijuana use at the Scouting Combine, which would mean he enters the NFL with one strike against him on the NFL's substance-abuse policy. Loadholt had off-field issues too, getting arrested for suspicion of DUI/disorderly conduct.

This proves to me Brad Childress is on the hot seat. Both are potentially great players and Harvin, whether he smokes pot or not, is going to be fast as hell in that dome.

Also, I would take any of the starting offensive linemen from the Oklahoma team last year, they were absolute beasts up front, so I would not fault them too much for Loadholt.

e. Mariano Rivera's career blown saves against Boston: 12. Mariano Rivera's career blown saves against the other 28 teams in baseball: 47.

The Red Sox intimidate everyone, Mariano Rivera is not excluded from this.

f. Wow. Did you see the straight steal of home by Jacoby Ellsbury Sunday night? I can't remember the last one of those I saw. I kept thinking, Jackie Robinson!

Jackie Robinson and Jacoby Ellsbury just got mentioned in the same sentence or at least two sentences apart.

There is no comparison, Jacoby Ellsbury is one of the first Native Americans to play in the major leagues, he is dreamy to look at and plays for the Red Sox...what the hell did Jackie Robinson ever do? I am sure he broke no records and surely couldn't steal home with as much grit as Ellsbury.

i. And great to have you home, Jack Bowers. You've got a little surprise, and I mean little, coming from your beloved St. Louis Cardinals in the mail.

It's a bomb and you have 24 hours to disarm it...oh yes and Jack, they have Kim hostage.

j. I do believe it might be time to throttle the season down for a while. Talk about a never-ending campaign. Have a good week.

Don't leave us Peter. What else will I write about on Mondays?

Saturday, April 25, 2009

19 comments My Mock NFL Draft

It is 3:00 pm EST right now on Friday and I am setting out to start to do a mock draft when the draft starts in 24 hours. I hate mock drafts because they are pretty much all just guessing at what is going to happen, but there have been some good discussions on here about the draft, so I would like to go ahead and get a mock out there so everyone can make fun of my choices. As always, I have no sources nor do I know anything at all about what trades are going to be made, but I am going to choose who I believe each team will choose in the draft, regardless of whether I think they need that player or not or whether I like that player for that team. Feel free to make fun of me when I get every pick wrong...and I will try to update it for when any trades are made or anything of substance happens before I post it. After I post it, I am sure it is going to look like crap due to trades and things like that (or just completely wrong picks), so I will try to update as much as I can in parenthesis.

1. Detroit: Matt Stafford, QB

Do I agree with this pick? Not particularly, simply because I am not a fan of drafting quarterbacks and paying them a ton of money to sit the bench for a year or two, especially in Detroit's situation where they have a lot of other holes. If they liked Stafford and had only a couple of holes to fill, I would say take him, with no qualms about it. I just think they have other holes to fill, but I guess that is what the other 1st round pick is for.

(6 years $72 million. $40 million guaranteed...Edward has me almost convinced Mario Williams and other high draft choices are worth it if they are good choices, but I still may need a little convincing when I see numbers like this.)

2. St. Louis: Jason Smith, T

It would not shock me at all if the Rams drafted a quarterback in this spot or even tried to reach for a defensive tackle like Raji. Knowing Spags from the Giants, he believes in having a strong front four so DT could be a possibility but I don't think they draft Sanchez when they think they can get a QB next year and any DT here would a semi-reach for them. They drafted Orlando Pace years ago and that worked out for them. I think Smith gets the pick over Eugene Monroe.

3. Kansas City: Aaron Curry, LB

I did not want to put Aaron Curry in here but I just don't think he seems like a Pioli linebacker, assuming he chose his type of LB's in New England, but I just think this makes too much sense. I think if KC doesn't trade out of this spot, it makes a little bit too much sense at this point due to him being the best defensive player in the draft and KC needing more LB's for the 3-4 defense.

4. Seattle: Michael Crabtree, WR

I think Seattle would be a great spot for Mark Sanchez but I also think the Seahawks will give their QB search a break for another year and hope Hasselbeck is healthy enough to play this year. Teams tend to react to pain and the pain of having no receivers last year I think is still too great, as compared to the pain of having Seneca Wallace as the backup QB...plus Crabtree is a bad ass receiver.

5. Cleveland: B.J. Raji, DT

I know some people think it will be Orakpo in this spot because he is similar to Vernon Gholston from last year and I think it will be Raji because Mangini got burnt with Gholston last year. I see him picking up Raji here because the DT is vitally important to a 3-4 defense and they may as well pick the best one in the draft...especially considering he is not a pothead after all. Sure the Browns already have Corey Williams and Shaun Rogers early in their contracts, and that is an incredibly important point and if the Browns don't draft Raji that would be why, but I still believe Raji is the pick here.

6. Cincinnati: Eugene Monroe, T

Carson Palmer has had some health concerns in the past and the Bengals want to make sure that doesn't continue with a blindside hit to his head or any other important body part. The Bengals at least have a fighting chance to win games with him playing and Monroe is arguably considered the best tackle in the draft. If Crabtree falls here, I can see them selecting him as well.

7. Oakland: Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR

Let's see, he is overrated and has generally underperformed his entire career. The perfect pick for the Raiders, he has enough question marks and potential to justify this pick for them. I have seen Maclin get picked here, but I think if the Raiders are going against the grain they may pick an offensive lineman in this spot, of course that is assuming Tom Cable is really running the team and not Al Davis.

8. Jacksonville: Andre Smith, T

I don't see a reason to draft a QB here, I really think the Jags may trade back, and WR is also another position I don't see them taking given their past problems with 1st round choices. I think they make the "safe" choice here and go with Andre Smith who will help both Garrard stay upright and the running game be effective.

9. Green Bay: Malcolm Jenkins, CB/FS

It's going to be defensive pick for the Packers move over to the 3-4 and I know there is a lot of talk about the Packers going with a rushing LB and Tyson Jackson makes sense here...but he makes too much sense to me...and yes that makes NO sense I know. Al Harris and Charles Woodson are not getting any younger and I think Jenkins makes sense for the Packers and they will address the need for a pass rusher in the 2nd round.

10. San Francisco: Brian Orakpo, LB/DE

I don't believe the 49ers go with a QB here, simply because I think they were satisfied with Shaun Hill's performance at the end of last year. They could take Michael Oher but I think the need for a defensive playmaker makes Orakpo the choice.

11. Buffalo Bills: Michael Oher, T

They traded the semi-overrated Jason Peters and are able to replace him here with a guy who is sort of an enigma to me personally. He was supposed to be the top Tackle in the draft a year ago and then he started slipping for some reason. I don't really know exactly what happened. I think he is a great pick here.

12. Denver Broncos: Tyson Jackson, DE/LB

I think the Broncos leap all over Jackson at this point. Supposedly he is not going to fall this far but I think he will fall far enough that he will end up going to Denver. He is what the Denver defense really needs and that is a pass rushing defensive player who can get to the QB.

13. Washington: Mark Sanchez, QB

The Redskins seems absolutely hell bent on giving up on Jason Campbell as soon as possible and Sanchez falling this far will allow them the opportunity to not take care of the real problem with the defense, which is a lack of a pass rush.

14. New Orleans: Brian Cushing, OLB

I think the Saints really want Malcolm Jenkins in this spot but with him being gone, Greg Williams is going to try and upgrade the LB position after focusing (well, not him personally) on the DL last year with Sedrick Ellis. I don't think the Saints go RB because they have Bush and Thomas and I don't think they focus on that position when they need help defensively. The offense is going to score but the defense needs guys to stop the other team.

15. Houston: Clay Matthews, OLB

I have read that the Texans may take Clay Matthews at this pick and I personally would take Knowshon Moreno but in looking at the Texans, I would probably take Matthews as well, though it would really not shock me to see them take a corner here. Specifically Alphonso Smith.

16. San Diego: Eben Britton, T

I want to say they are going to take Knowshon Moreno and I would have said that a few months ago but now they have resigned LT and franchised Sproles I don't see that happening. They need to upgrade the T position and I think Britton is the guy here but I also could see them going with Aaron Maybin with Merriman up as a FA next year. With the preponderance of DE/LB's in this draft, they are going to be hoping one falls to them in the second round.

17. New York Jets: Knowshon Moreno, QB

Seriously this makes a lot of sense to me. I don't see them going with a QB and just letting the Little 3 (Clemens, Ratliff, Ainge) fight it out. Assuming the Jets are serious about getting a good team together they will make sure they have a running game after Thomas Jones is gone. If Josh Freeman doesn't go here or go to Tampa Bay, I can see him falling a whole lot in the draft.

18. Denver: Rey Maualuga, LB

This makes too much sense for it to not happen. Denver is not going offense here and I have them with Tyson Jackson picked earlier, so I see Rey Maualuga as the new face and spirit of the Denver defense. I don't see how they don't choose him if he is available.

19. Tampa Bay: Aaron Maybin, LB/DE

I could see the Bucs choosing Michael Johnson at this spot but I think they take a chance on Maybin. Actually, they will probably draft Josh Freeman if the Gruden philosophy of having 6 QB's on the roster holds up.

20. Detroit: William Beatty, T

I am going to scream if the Lions choose Darius Butler or any other position after choosing Stafford first. They have to protect him somehow and taking the best available tackle on the board would do that.

21. Philadelphia: Everette Brown, DE/LB

I would like to see the Eagles take LeSean McCoy here but Andy Reid loves drafting linemen in the draft and Everette Brown could end up being a steal at this spot.

22. Minnesota: Jeremy Maclin, WR

Given the Vikings struggles in the past with selecting wide receivers, I would expect them to stay away from one here normally but they want to give either Tavaris Jackson or Sage Rosenfels a fighting chance on offense, so they will go with a guy who take the ball to the house everytime he touches the ball. He also happens to be a guy I am not a huge fan of him as a complete wide receiver...though he is going to be a real asset on kick and punt returns.

23. New England: Larry English, DE/LB

I don't know why but this pick screams Larry English to me. He seems like the type of player the Patriots will draft...not to mention he plays a position that is one of their biggest needs. Tedy Bruschi is getting up there in the years and English seems to have a lot of the intangibles the Patriots look for.

24. Atlanta: Peria Jerry, DT

They have a great need at LB, but this draft is pretty full of guys who can play LB, while it is harder to find a run stopper like Jerry. Mike Smith coached Henderson and Stroud in Jacksonville, so he knows the value of these types of guys.

25. Miami: Darius Butler, CB

I think Parcells recognizes that Hakeem Nicks may have been a little overweight and I don't think he wants guys who have problems like that on his team, especially at WR, where a player being a little overweight is a major red flag. I think he takes Darius Butler here because the Dolphins have few other quality CB's and in a division with the Patriots, you need this position to be solid very badly.

26. Baltimore: Vontae Davis, CB

The Ravens are old at this position and can afford to take on guys who may have some attitude/discipline problems when Ray Lewis and Ed Reed are there to hold them accountable. Could be a steal for the Ravens because no scout I have read a report on Davis' pro prospects has questioned his skill set.

27. Indianapolis: Hakeem Nicks, WR

Not that Indianapolis is thin at WR but they certainly seemed to run out of targets at certain points last year. Harrison is gone and Nicks will fit in perfectly as the 3rd receiver for Indy. I think a wild card at this position is an interior offensive lineman or Robert Ayers.

28. Buffalo: Brandon Pettigrew, TE

The Bills need a TE to take some of the heat off Lee Evans and T.O. This is the best TE in the draft and he can also block, which always helps out when the team's running back is Marshawn Lynch.

29. New York Giants: LeSean McCoy, RB

I think McCoy is the 2nd best running back in the draft and the Giants need to complement Brandon Jacobs with a running back and McCoy is the best option in this slot. I see McCoy leapfrogging Donald Brown and Beanie Wells because he is a more complete back than Brown in my opinion (though Brown has carried UConn the past couple of years) and Well has injury issues that will make the Giants pass on him.

30. Tennessee: Evander Hood, DT

The Titans need a replacement for Albert Haynesworth and they also need a cornerback. I think they know they can get a quality CB in the 2nd or 3rd round, while the quality DT's are not going to last that long.

31. Arizona Cardinals: Robert Ayers, DE/LB

I don't think I would be shocked if the Cardinals went with a guard like Duke Robinson or Max Unger here but they need a guy who can rush the passer after losing Antonio Smith more than they need a running back or a guard right now. Ayers is good of a value and it is worth passing up a RB or G at this point.

32. Pittsburgh Steelers: Alex Mack, C

As much as the Steelers need a cornerback at this point, I think they still know they want to run the ball and make sure Roethlisberger is standing upright at the end of the game. The Center position is the weak link in the O-Line and I think they address it very successfully with Mack. I do think the Steelers could take Unger or a corner like Alphonso Smith if Mack is gone but I don't think he will be.

Ok, that is it. If any big trades go down that affect the first round I will try to update it...but now is the time for everyone to tell me how stupid I am, especially if I accidentally left off a big time prospect from the 1st round. After looking back at this, I feel pretty confident, but there are some picks I can be talked out of.