Tuesday, March 19, 2013

13 comments Skip Bayless Talks about How the NCAA Tournament Sucks, but He'll Still Watch

It took five years (holy crap, is that correct?) but I have finally added a "trolling" label to this blog. Skip Bayless has decided to write about the NCAA Tournament and how it is exciting, but the talent level sucks compared to the NBA. It's standard Skip Bayless crap and he even manages to sneak in a knock (actually two) on LeBron James, because of course he did. If you really feel the need to read it (and I only read it out of duty to you, the readers...well, mostly I read it because I loathe myself), here is the link.

Meet Fred. He is about to win this year's ESPN Men's Tournament Challenge, beating about 7.15 million other brackets.
 
When asked how in the name of John Wooden he picked 20-loss Liberty to be the first No. 16 seed ever to upset a No.1 seed -- Duke! -- Fred will say, "John who?"
 
Then he'll explain: "I remembered the old line, 'Give me liberty or give me death,' so I said, 'Give me Liberty!' You know, the George Washington line."

Wow, I can't believe Skip Bayless is revealing to the public his secret to being a good troll---have no idea what you are talking about but state your claim loudly and with as little logical reasoning as possible and you too can get noticed! It seems since trolling is Skip Bayless's only real talent he would keep this close as if it were proprietary information.

"Whatever," Fred will say. "Look, I just got lucky with most of my picks. I didn't watch a single college basketball game this season until March Madness started."

It seems fictional Fred and Skip have something in common. Neither watch any college basketball but feel like they are expert enough to comment on the sport.

Welcome back to Madness. Absolute, divine Madness. March Madness. Or Badness.

March Badness! Get it? It's a play on words AND it shows that Skip Bayless thinks the NCAA Tournament and entire basketball season has been really boring. I'm not sure how Skip knows this college basketball season has been terrible considering he seems to have spent most of his time over the last six months debating the merits of Tim Tebow, criticizing LeBron James and looking at himself in the mirror. You can always trust the opinion of someone who claims to think Tebow is great and LeBron James has more to prove, that much I do know as true.

Prediction 1: The worst men's college basketball season I can remember

We won't fall for that one, Skip. We all know the only long or short-term memory you are capable of retaining is a constant loop of Tim Tebow running shirtless in the rain. So this is the worst men's college basketball season that you can remember because you can't remember anything other than the look of Tebow's pecs jiggling in the rain.

is about to launch the greatest NCAA tournament yet, with buzzer-beating elation and deflation exploding all over your bracket next Thursday and Friday.

Hence, the March Badness. How clever to call the tournament "March Badness" and then talk about how exciting the NCAA Tournament is.

Prediction 2: Especially this year, the more you know about college basketball, the worse you'll do in your pool.

I think it is fantastic that Skip Bayless is essentially championing being more successful by being more ignorant on the topic you are discussing. It fits Skip's personality and how he has become popular and infamous over the last decade. He's dumb on a given topic, but he has a really strong opinion on the topic. Be dumb, but give your opinion very strongly. That's pretty much the mantra of Skip's entire journalistic career.

Experts will be out-picked by dogs, cats and monkeys.

Not ironically if any of these dogs, cats or monkeys considered themselves enough of an expert to go on "First Take" then they will be debating a horses's ass.

This will happen more than ever this year because nobody's very good. And nobody watching will care.

It's good to see that Skip is copying the Bill Simmons "overuse of italics" type of writing. Also, there are teams that are very good, but the consensus seems to be there aren't great teams. Also also, I feel like I hear every single year there are no good college basketball teams.

More than ever, college basketball has become overcoached, under-reffed, evenly matched mediocrity with perfectly flawed rules and tournament format.

I'm not even close to being sure that Skip Bayless has a clue what he is talking about. Most college teams are overcoached because these teams consist of 18-22 year old kids. I'm trying to figure out what the hell Skip means by saying NCAA basketball has "perfectly flawed rules" since he, as usual, isn't specific at all when throwing random and unprovable observations like this. Skip doesn't need to be more specific because he's getting attention! Is it the three point line, the lack of consistency in the charge/block calls among officials, or the amount of physical play that is allowed that seems to vary from game-to-game? What are these perfectly flawed rules?

The open secret is that it doesn't matter to Skip. He just wants to say shit and hear you react.

Throw an overrated high seed with a panicky coach against an unknown, underrated low seed at some strange site with a strange shooting background at a strange first-round tipoff time with strange refs for a mere 40-minute game allowing only five fouls and featuring a 3-point line three feet shorter than the NBA's … you bet, you, Fred and Irene have just as good a chance picking the winner as Dickie V or Jay Bilas. Maybe better.

This just in, the NCAA Tournament is unpredictable! Thanks for noticing and commenting on this, Skip. You are the first to do so.

So yes, I trust some kid playing for LIU Brooklyn or Florida Gulf Coast to drop a walk-off bomb more than I do, say, three-time NBA MVP LeBron James.

And there we go. Just a little LeBron trolling for everyone. You didn't think Skip could make it through an entire column without one insult to LeBron James did you? This sentence doesn't even deserve a reply, other than a swift kick to the crotch of Skip while hundreds of people spit on him, but notice how obvious his trolling has become. It's pathetic. Skip couldn't name one player on LIU Brooklyn or Florida Gulf Coast, yet he claims to trust this unnamed player more than LeBron James to hit a game-winning shot.

Just watch. I know you will.

Yes, many will watch. Not because Skip Brainless tells us to, but because people find the NCAA Tournament interesting. I'm sure Skip thinks 100% of the NCAA Tournament viewership is a product of him writing this column. He dares us to watch the NCAA Tournament and then will smirk at the camera like the ego-driven dipshit he truly is and tell us how he said the NCAA Tournament would be exciting. Skip takes credit for everything. He motivated LeBron James to have the success he had last year and now the NCAA Tournament is thriving due to the words written and spoken by the lizard-skinned know-nothing troll sent by Satan to torture souls on Earth.

Who doesn't have a chance to win? Who cares that office pools are technically illegal -- unlicensed sports betting carrying a misdemeanor charge and up to one year in prison?

Nobody cares.

This column basically boils down to "It's hard to pick who is going to win the NCAA Tournament and people like gambling." The obviousness of this column is only being masked by the smarminess of Skip's writing. I will give Skip that, his personality does mask his overwhelming stupidity.

The FBI has better things to do than bust pools that build some of America's best intra-office camaraderie.

Yes, they are way too busy doing the music industry's business and busting people who download music and have the audacity to not-really-but-sort-of-kind-but-not-entirely cut into their massive profits while they squeeze out and take advantage of the artists they are claiming to fight so hard for.

Nobody cares that Gonzaga rose from No. 21 in the AP preseason ranking to No. 1 at regular season's end. Or that no player made a sensational case for player of the year.

One year it was between Adam Morrison and JJ Redick for Player of the Year. I think it's not so bad to have the Player of the Year award between guys like Cody Zeller, Ben McLemore, or Otto Porter. Again, I shouldn't expect much from Skip since we all know he started paying attention to college basketball five minutes before writing this column.

Nobody cares that no college player looks like a surefire NBA All-Star.

This is not really very relevant at all in terms of the excitement of the NCAA Tournament and I also think there is probably only 3-4 guys coming out of college every decade who are surefire NBA All-Stars. So it doesn't matter to me if college players don't look like surefire NBA All-Stars and Skip needs to go back to championing Tim Tebow for whatever he thinks Tebow can do successfully.

Or that UCLA, which had the No. 1 recruiting class, has only the No. 28 RPI (though freshman Shabazz Muhammad is finally starting to flash NBA talent).

This is not accurate. Muhammad has looked better towards the beginning of the season (in terms of statistics) than the end of the year. Either way, Muhammad has looked pretty good all year. I am not a huge fan of Muhammad, but he has flashed NBA talent pretty much all year.

For sure nobody cares I've slowly but surely become more of a fan of the NBA than college basketball -- which was all I was for a long time.

Yep, that's true. Nobody gives a shit if you like the NBA more than college basketball.

The first championship game I covered, in '79 in Salt Lake City, lifted the Final Four into Big Event status: Magic vs. Bird! I was there when a Carolina freshman named Michael Jordan beat Patrick Ewing's Georgetown … when Jim Valvano's NC State shocked Houston's Hakeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler and Phi Slama Jama … when Villanova stunned Ewing's Georgetown … when Danny (Manning) and the Miracles, a No. 6 seed, upset Oklahoma.

Those were the nights, studded with stars bound for the NBA's Hall of Fame. At first it was Goliath vs. Goliath. Then David started beating Goliath. Now this year we could see another David vs. David, such as 2011's final pitting Connecticut (a No. 3 seed in the NCAA tournament but merely a No. 9 seed in the Big East tournament) versus Butler, a mid-major. Final score UConn, 53-41. Butler: 18.8 percent from the floor. Only one player from that game is starting in the NBA: Kemba Walker -- for Charlotte, the NBA's worst team.

So Skip just named almost a decade of NCAA Championship Games and then with a straight face tries to compare those players to those that played in the 2011 National Championship Game. His point stands, yes, college basketball is weaker in terms of how many college teams have a depth of star players (partly because of the NBA and the NBA's one-and-done rule), but it's not fair to compare a decade worth of games and say, "look at all those stars," while cherry-picking one game from less than two years ago as an example of what a crappy product college basketball is.

The Final Four as NBA showcase began to fade in 1995 when Kevin Garnett skipped college.

Yeah, well fuck you. I hate the idea college basketball is simply a showcase for the NBA. I know NBA fans feel that way, but it is not true. And yes, I know Skip is trolling by essentially calling college basketball's most popular weekend just a showcase for the NBA. The Final Four didn't start to fade in 1995 anyway. Skip is desperately trying to tie the one-and-done rule into college basketball's assumed demise.

Soon, Kobe and LeBron did, too.

Kobe went to the NBA the next year, but LeBron didn't go to the NBA "soon," after Kevin Garnett. He skipped college and went straight to the NBA eight years after Kevin Garnett did so. I do enjoy Skip's shameless attempt to blame/mention LeBron in this column one more time.

"College basketball is broken and it is LeBron James' fault! He was the problem and now he isn't working to find a solution!"

I can't wait for Skip to start screaming this argument.

Which is why many anti-NBA college fanatics I know or hear from via Twitter would just as soon have the best players leave college basketball alone and go straight to the pros. Give them J.J. Redick battling Adam Morrison for player of the year in 2006, Tyler Hansbrough dominating college basketball in '08 and '09, and Jimmer Fredette becoming the (Smiling) Face of College Basketball in '11. Never mind that none of those college idols went on to start, let alone star, in the NBA.

Which again, is irrelevant in terms of how exciting college basketball is. Kevin Durant also dominated college basketball for one year, Kyrie Irving played pretty well for one year, Tim Duncan, Blake Griffin, and Anthony Davis all dominated college basketball and then played well in the NBA. Any discussion of the NCAA Tournament or the Final Four should in no way be focused on how many of the players go from college and make a big impact in the NBA.

They don't care that college basketball belongs more to egomaniacal coaches, kings of their college-town kingdoms, and that the NBA is more of a players' game. 

We also don't care about you, Skip. Don't forget that. You are the rash on the ass of the sports world. Just because we scratch you from time-to-time doesn't mean we like having you around.

Or that the NBA's playoff format -- best of seven, 48 minutes per game with six fouls and a 3-point line 23 feet, 9 inches from the basket, a man's distance -- is the far more conclusive method of identifying the better team.

This is pretty much an opinion. I enjoy larger sample sizes, but I think there is something to be said for three weeks of win-or-go-home games as opposed to two months of playoff games. Skip is always trying to pass his opinion off as fact. Most of the players who play college basketball aren't men yet, so perhaps they don't shoot from "a man's distance" of 23 feet 9 inches for that reason.

I shudder every March when I absently flip from a routine NBA game to a March Madness barn burner. The drop-off in skill, strength and athleticism is stunning.

BREAKING NEWS: Professional athletes are better at their given sport when compared to amateurs.

I do get how Skip Bayless feels. It's much like when I am watching any other sports channel and I accidentally flip to ESPN and hear Skip talk on "First Take." The drop-off in knowledge, ability to persuade an audience, and not to be a trolling horse's ass is stunning as well. To think Skip has had other morons like Rob Parker to debate against and slowly numb the viewer to the stupidity being spewed blows my mind. Imagine if Skip's moronic talking points were surrounded by coherent and well-thought out arguments and reasoning? Then we could really see Skip for who he is, instead of having part of his stupidity masked by other stupidity.

Yet I must admit I rarely flip back to the NBA game.

Most likely because in that split second where the channel has changed and the television has gone to black Skip sees his own reflection in the television and he becomes distracted by how impressed with himself he is.

Every year I rail on "First Take" about how the NCAA gets away with awarding automatic bids to the winners of conference tournaments designed mostly to generate revenue. Hence, Liberty finished 6-10 in the (Not So) Big South, got hot, won its tournament and stole an NCAA bid from a far more deserving at-large "bubble" team from a power conference.

And every year no one at ESPN is smart enough to call Skip on this bullshit. Liberty didn't steal an NCAA bid from any other school in a power conference. The only way Liberty stole a bid from a bubble team is if there were another team in the Big South who would earn an NCAA bid regardless of whether they won the Big South Tournament. There wasn't. The Big South only was going to have one bid no matter who won the tourney, so Liberty never stole that bid from a more "deserving" team in the Big South. Liberty winning the Big South had no effect on the bubble teams because there was no team in the Big South outside of the automatic qualifying team who had earned an NCAA Tournament bid. What can I say? Thinking isn't Skip's thing.

This year's Madness will be madder than ever, for all the wrong reasons.

I have read this entire column and I am still not sure why the NCAA Tournament will be madder than ever for the wrong reasons. I am sure it is LeBron James fault.

Okay, well I am back to ignoring Skip Bayless and taking away the relevancy he so desperately craves.

13 comments:

HH said...

Or that the NBA's playoff format -- best of seven, 48 minutes per game with six fouls and a 3-point line 23 feet, 9 inches from the basket, a man's distance -- is the far more conclusive method of identifying the better team.

This is pretty much true. The more games two teams play, the more likely it is that the better team will win a higher percentage of those games. It's easy to upset someone once, but you can't get luck 4, 40, 400 times. This is undisputed.

However...who says that's our goal in March? I think much joy in March is derived from the fact that there is upset potential. Why should we not have short series (of which one game is the most extreme) that increases the odds of an upset so the fans can derive enjoyment from that?

Bengoodfella said...

HH, obviously a larger sample size gets the true winner between two teams. I am like you and don't think that's the goal of the NCAA tournament. I know if Missouri plays Norfolk State 10 times they will win 8-9 of those times. I like to see what happens when only one of those games is played.

It's a different format from the NBA, but that doesn't mean it is an inferior format.

Hillbilly Jim said...

"This sentence doesn't even deserve a reply, other than a swift kick to the crotch of Skip while hundreds of people spit on him." I used to think you were a mild mannered guy but I am no longer sure. Do you know Buck Foston?

jacktotherack said...

This year's Madness will be madder than ever, for all the wrong reasons.

What a fitting sentence to wrap up such a piece of shit. I challenge anybody to find anything about that sentence that remotely makes sense.

waffleboy said...

God this is like a 2,000 word essay where Skip holds his finger right in front of the reader's face and chants over and over, "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you!"
Does ESPN go out of their way to find assholes, or do their employees just turn into assholes while working there?

TC said...

Great post.

I'll never forget Skip kicking off a fill-in host appearance on the Jim Rome show in like 2005 by screaming about how Miami was robbed by the refs in the '03 Fiesta Bowl. Troll Supreme.

Bengoodfella said...

Jim, I am mild-mannered. Sometimes my anger shows through. I do know Buck Foston, but only through the fantasy league.

Jack, he thinks the wrong reasons are because the games are boring and the players aren't very good. That's the best I can think of.

Waffle, ESPN goes out of its way to find people who bring in ratings. First Take ratings are down which means Skip is going to have to troll harder than he ever has before.

TC, thanks. He desires attention so badly, it is embarrassing.

Popcorn Sutton, Parrotsville, TN said...

Bengoodfella, I know Jim pretty good and I am sure he was joking all around.

Anonymous said...

I didn't read Skip's original column because I don't want to give him any more page views so this may be unfair, but I found something very interesting in the passage you included referring to the players Skip says everyone wants to see in college. What is that J.J. Redick, Adam Morrison, Tyler Hansbrough, and Jimmer Fredette all have in common? I think what Skip really wants is a return to the days of a whole lot of white guys shooting the set shot.

By the way, 5 fouls in 40 minutes is exactly the same rate as 6 fouls in 48 minutes. I realize stars almost never foul out in the NBA, but that is because refs never call fouls on the stars. It is not because they have 6 to give instead of 5.

Bengoodfella said...

Oh, I know he was kidding. No worries there. I have pretty thick skin and I did get a little more worked up than usual writing this.

Anon, I did not notice that. He only listed white guys for that passage. Very interesting. Perhaps he misses the days of a peach basket and really short shorts as well? It's weird he didn't list anything but white players.

That's also a good point about 6 fouls in 48 minutes being the same as 5 fouls in 40 minutes. I don't think Skip even cares that what he says is inaccurate. He just wants attention and to troll his audience. By linking his audience I have played into what Skip wants, so I'm probably the sucker.

It's hard to even criticize Skip because everything he says is only meant for a reaction and so it's hard to even take him seriously at times. He's the worst though.

Steve Sprague said...

I'm an NBA fan first and I'm embarrassed that Skip felt he could speak for all of us. There was a great column on SB Nation stating that it's fine to prefer the NBA, but shut up about it during March. This is the time when college basketball deservedly gets the stage to itself. Yes, there are plenty of problems with college basketball, just as there are with every sport. Don't be a troll and point them out now. Although, Skip exists solely to troll people.

Bottom line, if you like basketball you can't beat 4 days with basketball from noon to midnight.

Bengoodfella said...

Steve, I don't think he speaks for every NBA fan. I know he does though, which is the annoying thing. The NBA has the summer to have their playoffs, but these four days are the best time for college basketball. The useless comparisons between the NBA and college basketball really don't matter much at all, but especially now.

Where is that SBNation article? I'd like to read that.

Steve Sprague said...

http://www.sbnation.com/nba/2013/3/21/4130350/ncaa-tournament-2013-bracket-nba-fans-snobs

Here's the link.