Monday, July 8, 2013

6 comments All This Murder Aaron Hernandez Has Committed Really Works Things Out Well for Tim Tebow

There's not always a silver lining when a murder is committed. Fortunately, in the case of the murder(s?) that Aaron Hernandez is alleged to have committed there is a silver lining. That lining is that Hernandez's imprisonment is very good news for Tim Tebow. I joked on Twitter after Hernandez was charged with murder that this is just a way for God to make sure Tebow makes the Patriots roster, and while nothing I have read comes out and specifically states this exactly, I get the feeling we aren't far off from a column like that. A blog posting (a blog posting, how 2007 of a newspaper to indulge in such endeavors!) by George Diaz states Hernandez being accused of murder is a break for Tim Tebow. The title of George Diaz's blog is "En Fuego," which is a title so blatantly obvious for a person whose last name is Diaz and works in the Orlando area I'm surprised it isn't already taken by another enterprising Hispanic Florida journalist.

As folks like to say, when one door closes, another opens up.

Usually this phrase isn't used when talking about first degree murder, but when Tim Tebow is involved all bets are off I guess. Every single thing that ever occurs relating to football and New England Patriots should be viewed through a Tebow-only prism. So it is not surprising that Aaron Hernandez's arrest is viewed through this same prism. Sure, there may be a person murdered and their family is devastated, as is Hernandez's family devastated at the charges filed against him, but more importantly, how does this affect Tim Tebow and did God cause Odin Lloyd's death so that Tebow could continue to play in the NFL?

In this case, it’s the clink  of the cellblock closing in on Aaron Hernandez, and the heavens parting for Tim Tebow.

See, we are not far from simply stating that God helped Tim Tebow have a better chance of making the Patriots roster by removing the barriers in his way. George Diaz even uses "the heavens parting" as some sick way of stating Tebow now has a better chance of making the Patriots roster. It's sick in my opinion to equate the heavens or any religious figure with the violent death of a person. Like I said though, all bets are off when we are talking about Tim Tebow. Maybe "sick" isn't the best word to use, but it is at least a terrible choice of words.

The New England Patriots are in need of tight ends after Hernandez was arrested Wednesday morning.

And of course there are no tight ends available on the free agent market or through trade that would fit the Patriots better than a long-time quarterback and all around good guy, Tim Tebow. Odin Lloyd died and Hernandez sinned so that Tebow's slate could be wiped clean. There's absolutely no analysis required at this point nor is there any reason to discuss whether Hernandez's arrest means good or bad things for Tim Tebow, but that doesn't stop George Diaz from trudging ahead.

The Patriots immediately released Hernandez on Wednesday.

Mostly because they already had Tebow on the roster to play tight end. I'm surprised the Patriots don't release Tom Brady or just let Tebow coach the Patriots team. What an opportunity for Tebow to gain a roster spot with a playoff team and all that had to happen was someone needed to get killed. It's such a small price to pay for more Tebow in our lives.

The tragedy of Odin's death and the impact on his family will become a secondary story for talking heads in our celebrity-obsessed culture.

Mostly because of assholes like you who write blog postings about what Hernandez's arrest means for Tim Tebow. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. George Diaz states the impact of Odin's death and the tragedy around it will become a secondary story, but then he writes a blog posting where he makes Odin's death a secondary story.

Hernandez’s misery is a win for Tebow.

And really, that's all that matters isn't it? How did this murder affect Tim Tebow's ability to make the Patriots' roster? I find it hard to believe when a person is murdered there is ever a "win" for anyone, but I'm also not obsessed with Tim Tebow.

I’ve said this all along: Tebow’s best shot at staying employed in the NFL is to give up the QB thing and switch positions.

And I've said it all along, if Tebow is going to switch positions and stay employed in the NFL, someone is going to have to die. Fortunately someone did, right?

Look for Tebow to be part of several packages, an H-Back deal, maybe some work at tight end, and a special teams slot.

I'll be sure to look for that as I ponder how Tebow may only have a roster spot because Aaron Hernandez is in jail for murder. Obviously if Tebow makes the roster at tight end then kudos to him for taking an opportunity presented to him, but to refer to this opportunity in any way as "a break" or Tebow "won" anything is ridiculous.

Jake Ballard may be the best tight end on the roster right now, which is a sharp decline for a team that thrived on the two-headed beast of Hernandez and Gronk.

Imagine the decline when the Patriots second-best tight end is a converted quarterback. That's going to be an even sharper decline at the tight end in my opinion. Hey, maybe Jake Ballard will murder someone and then Tebow can be the first string tight end. What a break that would be for him!

It all leads back to Tebow, who would have to be able to make the position switch of course.

That's just a formality. If God is going to murder someone to give Tim Tebow another shot in the NFL, giving Tebow the strength and ability to play the tight end position well should be easy enough. 

After the Patriots traded for Tebow, Mike Freeman of, citing a source, reported that New England’s plan is for Tebow to “study a great deal at tight end.

I'm sure Belichick would find a way to use Tebow at tight end. That's not my issue. The issue is that George Diaz wrote a column about how Tim Tebow caught a break that Odin Lloyd was murdered and Aaron Hernandez was arrested for Lloyd's murder. This isn't a break. This is a murder.

To review:
Aaron Hernandez, Biggest Loser.

Alleged murderer.

Tim Tebow, Big Winner.

George Diaz, Insensitive Asshole.


Maybe try to sound like you are taking less glee in Tebow's continued presence in the NFL partly being due to a person having been murdered.


JD said...

It wasn't until I started reading BotB that the revelation made itself known...sportswriting is simply a collection of singular random thoughts in the form of sentences strung together to create a "column."

Sometimes we see coherence.

It's just the way they write.

Though mostly musings.


Ericb said...

If I were tom Brady I would start praying now.

Bengoodfella said...

JD, I think that's how it is to be honest. A bunch of thoughts strung together and then a few prepositions are thrown in to achieve as much coherence as possible.

Eric, you never know what God may throw on Brady in order to get Tebow that starting job. Brady may get his foot caught in an escalator or something.

Anonymous said...

I was voting more for a plague of toads to inflict warts on Gisele which causes Brady's production to wane as he goes in search for new poon since he can't be seen in public with a wart ridden supermodel. The media finds out about Brady's adultery week 5 and moral America shames him into an all night drinking binge in which Brady drives home drunk and breaks his leg in a car crash. He is charged with DUI and suspended for the rest of the season by Goddell who promises to be tough on the pats. Right before kickoff on week 7, a lighting bolt strikes Gilette stadium (luckily the multitude of 7 bladed razors given out as a promotional give away causes the strike to disappate harmlessly) and Bellicheck finally gets the hint from God and starts Tebow. The patriots win the next 8 superbowls consecutively and Tebow convinces the league to move all 1 o'clock games to 3 so that there is more time to worship god in church and America is saved and halos appear over every Ameican ever.

The end.


Anonymous said...

Good thing you're Anonymous...Jesus Christ...we see what you're doing here

Bengoodfella said...

Anon, that's quite a situation. I have a feeling you are kidding though...