Thursday, November 27, 2014

5 comments In Honor of Thanksgiving, Gregg Easterbrook Invites The Truth Over For a Meal and Later Murders It With His Lies and Deception

Well, it turns out Gregg Easterbrook's Authentic Games Super Bowl selection from the AFC just lost to the Raiders. It's a good thing that Gregg's Authentic Games metric changes every week, because now he has a few more chances to correctly guess the Super Bowl matchup. Actually, no worries, because Gregg's Authentic Games metric doesn't care that the Chiefs just lost to the worst team in the NFL. What a great metric to determine the best teams in NFL! This week Gregg is thankful for exciting games on Thanksgiving, updates his Authentic Games standings, and really I could stop writing now because here's the column. It's TMQ. It sucks and frustrates me. It probably always will. But hey, it's Thanksgiving weekend so I will find one thing in this column that I am thankful for. That is my vow.

Many Thanksgiving Day games have been woofers. Not 2014. This year, Thanksgiving offers playoffs in November.

It's only November and Gregg is talking about the playoffs taking place? Is this 2014 NFL Playoffs Creep? How dare Gregg Easterbrook become a part of the 2014 NFL Playoffs Creep. He should be ashamed of himself.

Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys pairs 8-3 teams and will decide first place in the NFC East. Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers pairs 7-4 teams and, considering this season's wild-card logjam, is close to an elimination contest for both clubs.

Nope, it's "close" to an elimination contest in that it isn't at all an elimination contest because there will still be four games played after this one.

Philadelphia-Dallas should be an entertaining shootout, matching the league's fourth- and sixth-ranked offenses. The winner will hold first place in the division. The loser will be 8-4, 

Watch out! Gregg can count!

A shoddy team from the NFC South will host a postseason contest while several winning NFC teams do not receive a postseason invitation. The Boys-Birds losers get an inside track to a wild card. But the Boys-Birds losers need to go 3-1 down the stretch, since a 10-win season is not likely to cut it in the NFC this season.

The Boys-Birds loser has the inside track to a wild card until they lose their next two games, in which case they won't make the playoffs. My point is this is an important game, but it's not like if the Eagles win then they will have the NFC East or even a wild card spot locked up. The game is important, but there's no "inside track" to a wild card here, because the winner of Seattle-San Francisco will also be 8-4. If the Cardinals win the NFC West and the winner of the Seattle-San Francisco game wins their next game and the Eagles lose their next game (after beating the Cowboys on Thanksgiving), while the Cowboys win their next game, then all three teams will be 9-4 and the "inside track" doesn't exist. My point is there is still 25% of the games to be played after Thanksgiving day.

Tension is higher in the Seattle-Santa Clara contest. These teams met for last season's NFC title, a down-to-the-wire event many considered the real Super Bowl of last season.

Oh really? "Many" considered this game the real Super Bowl and were discounting the 15-3 Denver Broncos led by a Hall of Fame quarterback and the best offense in NFL history? I must have forgotten that "many" were simply discounting the Broncos. I learn so much reading TMQ.

Now both are staring at the taillights of the Arizona Cardinals. The loser of this Bluish Men Group-Squared Sevens game will have five defeats and likely need to win out for a wild-card berth. Athletes boast about winning out, but it's not a good master plan, especially since Seattle and Santa Clara face each other again in two weeks.

Maybe I'm stupid, but did Gregg write that "winning out" meaning, "Winning the rest of the games they play" is NOT a good master plan? I don't think either team is planning on losing Thursday evening just so they have the chance to try and win out the rest of the games. So no, the master plan probably will never be to lose a game and then try to win the rest of the games.

Will the home field equate to Detroit, Dallas and Santa Clara wins?

Yes, they will Gregg. There's no point in even playing the games because the home team is definitely going to win.

Not necessarily. Since the three-game Thanksgiving format was implemented in 2006, turkey-day hosts are 13-11. 

Whaaaaaaaat? Thanks for clearing up the misconception I didn't have about the home field advantage equating to a win for Detroit, Dallas and Santa Clara.

That 54 percent home victor performance on Thanksgiving is below the typical winning share for home teams. For instance, in the 2013 regular season, home teams won 60 percent of the time. And it's well below home-team outcomes for all Thursday games that are not held on Thanksgiving.

Gee, if only there were a way to chalk this up to something. I know! How about pointing out that two of the teams that have played on every Thanksgiving since 2006, Dallas and Detroit, have five winning seasons between them in that time? Maybe the fact two teams that traditionally have played home games on Thanksgiving since 2006 have not been very good during that time? Detroit has only had a winning record once, so it's mostly on them. It would be crazy to chalk up the lower home winning percentage for home teams on Thanksgiving to something as logical as this.

That Detroit always gets a Thanksgiving host date, and the Lions have been awful in many recent seasons, dragging down the turkey-day home team performance statistics. 

See, Gregg DOES come to this conclusion, but only after beating around the fucking bush as much as possible. Rather than just state WHY home teams on Thanksgiving don't have a winning percentage comparable to home teams playing on non-Thanksgiving Thursday, Gregg has to ask the question, beat around the bush about why and then finally get to the right answer. It's like he is killing space, but Gregg wouldn't do that would he? Not when he has all this NFL knowledge just waiting to burst out on to the computer screen.

In other football news, if the playoffs began today, 4-7 Atlanta would host a playoff game while five 7-4 teams -- the Browns, Steelers, 49ers, Lions and Ravens -- would not reach the postseason at all. Why is a seeded playoff format a forbidden thought to the NFL?

Why is Gregg trying to predict which teams will make the playoffs when there are still five games to play? Yet again, Gregg is guilty of 2014 NFL Playoffs Creep. It's only the end of November and Gregg is talking about the playoffs that don't even start until 2015. It's just like showing the Rockettes' Christmas Show in early December or late November. It hasn't happened yet, so don't talk about it or else that's CREEP!

Stats Of The Week No. 5: The AFC North is 28-15-1; the NFC South is 13-30-1

I'm not taking anything away from the AFC North. It is clearly a stronger division this year (and that's important to note. THIS YEAR it is a stronger division. These things are cyclical), but also know that the AFC North is playing the NFC South head-to-head, so these records may be exacerbated by one of the best divisions playing one of the worst divisions during the season. It doesn't matter. The NFC South sucks, but it's important to know that these two divisions are playing each other this year.

Stats of the Week No. 8: Atlanta is 4-0 versus the NFC South, 0-7 versus all other divisions.

See? This puts things in perspective a little bit and helps prove my point. The AFC North is 10-1-1 against the NFC South this year. Obviously those games can't be removed, but when not playing the NFC South the AFC North is 18-14, while the NFC South is 12-20 against other divisions. This is still a terrible number, but puts the AFC North record in a little more perspective.

The Broncos seem to have a playbook just for deuce tries: under Peyton Manning, Denver is 4-of-5 when going for two.

Or the Broncos just have a really good Hall of Fame quarterback who is good at converting two-point conversions.

Touts lauded the return of Josh Gordon, with 120 receiving yards. Two of Brian Hoyer's three interceptions were errant throws targeted to Gordon. in both instances he might have broken up the pass but instead just watched passively as the ball was picked off. When a pass is errant, a wide receiver should turn into a defensive back. Gordon seems to consider this beneath him.

I like how Gregg's takeaway from these two plays is to blame the receiver for not turning into a defensive back and he doesn't blame Brian Hoyer for throwing the fucking errant pass. Maybe Josh Gordon should have played defense better, but Hoyer threw the damn interception. Most of the blame should go to him.

More importantly, Gregg is performing his weekly lying and deceiving tricks. Someone please tell me how the holy hell Josh Gordon was supposed to "turn into a defensive back" and stop this interception from happening. Was he supposed to turn into fucking Superman and fly ahead to push the Falcons player away from the football? It was well overthrown and Gordon couldn't have broken up the pass. As usual, Gregg wants to criticize and hope no one follows up to see if he's misleading his audience or not.

Now it's Detroit leading 3-0 at New England. The Flying Elvii face third-and-goal on the Lions 4. Presnap, Detroit is confused -- linebacker Josh Bynes is gesturing madly to the secondary. Just call time out! Continuing to gesticulate, Bynes turned his back on the opponents. Word to the wise: Do not turn your back on Tom Brady. He immediately signaled for the snap and threw an easy touchdown pass to tight end Tim Wright, the man Bynes should have guarded.

While agreeing with the point Gregg is trying to make, this isn't fucking basketball. There may be no player that Bynes is supposed to "guard." Sometimes defensive players don't have players they "guard" because this isn't basketball and teams run defensive schemes that are zone schemes. But of course, Gregg doesn't know this and just assumes defensive players are always "guarding" a man.

Also, I think Gregg meant to call him "hard-working undrafted free agent" Josh Bynes. I'm sure it's coincidence he didn't mention Bynes' draft position.

One other thing. Gregg doesn't think anyone can look at video to prove he is misleading his readers. Look. Bynes back was not to Tom Brady. He was looking at Brady at the snap. He went right and should have gone left.

The next time New England reached the Lions' 4, Wright split wide. Across from him was safety Glover Quin, who, being a safety, won't get any safety help; at any rate there wasn't any other defensive back on that side of the field who didn't have a man to guard. At the snap, Wright did a quick down-and-out. Quin stood like a piece of topiary, covering no one, as Wright scored again. 

This is a perfect example of Gregg Easterbrook criticizing an NFL team while not recognizing the type of defense that team was running. I know it's shocking to Gregg, but he is wrong sometimes. First off, the ball was on the Lions' 8 yard line not the 4 yard line, so Gregg is factually incorrect as usual. Second, Quin was in zone coverage. He clearly didn't just stand there, he was in his zone with a linebacker in front of him also running zone coverage. Also, there was no "guarding" because it was a zone defense. The defenders were guarding a zone, not a man. And for the third thing that Gregg was wrong about on this play, there WAS another defensive back on that side of the ball who didn't have anyone to cover in his zone. There was no other Patriots player on the screen in the left side of the end zone when Tim Wright caught that pass.

So Gregg has managed to get the yardage, the Lions' coverage, and his description of this play incorrect. Basically, there was nothing about the Patriots' touchdown that he described accurately. I'm sure many of his loyal readers will simply believe Gregg Easterbrook isn't misleading them and go spout off knowledge about how Lions' defenders didn't "guard" their man. Such is life with a trusted writer who misleads and lies to his audience in order to churn out a weekly column.

Last week at Indianapolis, the Patriots huddled up and mostly ran a heavy package of two tight ends and a fullback. That's the film Detroit looked at during the week.

Gregg claims to know the exact film the Lions watched during the week. Knowing the Patriots change offensive tactics on a weekly basis, I find it hard to believe the Lions only watched last week's game tape. But hey, Gregg makes up shit knows more than I do, right?

Sunday, New England used a no-huddle hurry-up with four or five wide. The game was a 1 p.m. start in late November, which means declining winter sun may be in a receiver's eyes. From about Veterans Day on, the coach who leaves nothing to chance sends someone to the field the day before the game to chart the sun, as perceived from the field, as it declines during the hours of the contest. Sunday, in the second quarter, a Detroit receiver was sent deep where, looking back, the sun was blinding: drop. New England passes went to shaded areas of the field.

Gregg wants to know why NFL teams have such a large staff? There's the justification for NFL teams having such a large staff. Somebody has to chart the sun.

"The Hunger Games: Mockingjay -- Part 1" just opened, the most recent in the doomsday genre that has assimilated Hollywood, television and novel writing. The "Hunger Games" books and movies denounce use of violence for mass entertainment. And hey, come be entertained by the glorified violence! 

I haven't read the books, but my understanding is that "The Hunger Games" movie is a work of fiction that isn't intended to portray a life lesson, so who gives a flying shit?

Then there's "Snowpiercer." Marketed as a highbrow, philosophical doomsday film, "Snowpiercer" contains a stark warning to humanity: After the apocalypse, nothing will make sense. Some kind of environmental blunder triggered an instant ice age that killed all but a few thousand people. They endlessly ride around the planet aboard a huge train powered by a perpetual motion engine that requires no fuel. If the world was suddenly covered with ice, why were capital and resources devoted to building a train track rather than, say, protective structures? Future technology can devise a perpetual motion engine, yet everyone has forgotten about power plants that burn coal to generate heat.

It's almost as if this movie is a work of fiction and any attempt at extracting reality from the movie is the fault of the person attempting to extract this reality.

The economics make least sense. The deep philosophical part is that the poor live in the back of the train, the middle class in the middle and the 1 percent in luxury up front. If society collapsed, wouldn't the money held by the rich become worthless?

Yes Gregg, but the power they have is still worth a lot. Power is the real money. Surely Gregg Easterbrook understands this principle. He is well-paid to write TMQ, so people think because he has this power it means he is smarter than the average football fan. See, the power Gregg has by writing TMQ means he is given qualities that he wouldn't otherwise have if TMQ was written by some dude on a blog.

Trailing 17-0 at Philadelphia, Tennessee punted on fourth-and-1 from its 34. Trailing 27-17, the Flaming Thumbtacks took the field goal on fourth-and-goal from the Nesharim 2. Tennessee entered the contest 2-8, yet coach Ken Whisenhunt used hyper-conservative tactics as if holding a late lead in the Super Bowl.

And to be clear, if a team used hyper-conservative tactics holding a late lead in the Super Bowl then Gregg would criticize that team for using hyper-conservative tactics. So Gregg doesn't really even agree with his comparison for how Whisenhunt was coaching.

Trailing 7-3 in the second quarter at New England, Detroit faced fourth-and-goal on the Patriots 2, and took the field goal. New England entered the contest as the league's second highest-scoring team -- touchdowns, not field goals, defeat high-scoring teams.

Pulling within 24-21 with 3:23 remaining versus Green Bay, Minnesota prepared to kick off following roughing the passer on a deuce. That meant the Vikings teed up on the 50-yard line. Onside! Onside! Worst-case for an onside from midfield just isn't that bad.

Two important points I believe Gregg misses:

1. He just stated that touchdowns, not field goals defeat high-scoring teams. Giving the Packers, another high-scoring team, a short field is also not a way to defeat a high-scoring team.

2. An onside kick does seem smart here, unless the Packers were expecting an onside kick, in which case the odds of success decrease. Gregg seems to consistently have difficulty understanding the success of an onside kick often depends on whether it is expected by the opposing team or not. If the Packers expect the onside kick here, the odds of success decrease.

Why Do Corners Look Into The Backfield? TMQ complains about corners looking into the backfield. Prep and college players may do this owing to lack of experience. Why do NFL players do it?

Cornerbacks will sometimes try to read the quarterback's eyes, but I think most of the time Gregg claims a cornerback "looks into the backfield" that the corner is usually not playing man defense and is in zone coverage of some sort. As I showed earlier, Gregg is terrible at figuring what defenses are run in the NFL, so I'm quite certain he's mistaken "looking into the backfield" for being in zone coverage. As always, Gregg's football knowledge is great as long as you don't look into the claims he makes in TMQ.

On T.Y. Hilton's 73-yard touchdown reception that led to his "cradle the baby" celebration, Jacksonville corner Dwayne Gratz was busy looking into the backfield as Hilton blew past. NFL corners know that future bonus offers will be heavily influenced by their interception numbers.

Does Gregg even know what he's talking about? "Future bonus offers will be heavily influenced by their interception numbers." What "bonus offers"? Is he talking about a contract extension? If so, the signing bonus the player receives isn't determined by only interceptions.

Looking into the backfield is a way to generate interceptions -- the corner may be able to read the quarterback's eyes and jump a short out. If looking into the backfield generates an interception, the corner benefits; if it causes a long pass completion, too bad for the team.

Gratz was not looking in the backfield, but was running either short man coverage or zone and expected safety help over the top. Look at the video. At the end of the video, the analyst even says, "Dwayne Gratz, wasn't totally his fault. His safety didn't help him."

It simply annoys me that there are idiots who read TMQ who will go around spouting bullshit about corners "looking into the backfield" because they think Gregg Easterbrook knows what the hell he is talking about, which he clearly doesn't. Gratz expected safety help and it is clear from looking at the coverage the Jaguars were running that he wasn't in man coverage on Hilton. Yet, Gregg keeps spewing nonsense in the place of facts.

Nobody likes to think about this stuff. In the short term these problems can be ignored, and the American political system is good at ignoring problems. But the longer pension reforms are put off, the worse the bailouts will be.

The Netherlands has a secure pension system because each generation is required to pay for itself. In the United States, the retired expect to be subsidized by the young. Millennials, why aren't you rebelling against this?

Because the retired and those going to be retired soon are the people holding the power. There aren't too many Millennials in Congress who can push through pension reform. But great question that ignores one of the most obvious answers. It's kind of hard to make changes when those in power who can make the change are those who also benefit from no change being made.

TMQ Right on a Distressingly Easy Prediction: Last month my Atlantic Monthly article on longevity trends noted that Social Security and Medicare have between $3.2 trillion and $8.3 trillion in unfunded liabilities,

The Dangerous Safety Device: Years ago for the Washington Monthly I did a story about an OSHA mandate that backfired and caused a workplace fatality.

A lot of pimping out of Gregg's other work in this TMQ.

The urban myth of being "thrown clear of the crash" is nonsense: being thrown from a crash makes a person 25 times more likely to die. (Your body is moving 50 miles an hour, passes through a window and then impacts concrete.) "I don't need to buckle up because this is a short trip" is also urban myth. Most traffic fatalities occur within 25 miles of home.

True, but this is probably because most people only drive within 25 miles of their home.

And please don't say "no one can tell me what to do inside my car." That's true if you drive exclusively on private property. State and federal law both are crystal clear that, on public roads, drivers must obey traffic and safety rules.

True, but I believe if I am over the age of 21 then I should be able to decide if I want to wear a safety belt or not. I don't need the government protecting me. But yes, the law says drivers and passengers have to wear a safety belt.

air bags reduce the probability of death by approximately 16 percent in direct-frontal impacts and 9 percent in partial-frontal impacts." Levitt and Price established that seat belts were much more effective than generally assumed, while airbags were overrated.

Why are auto regulators still in love with airbags?

Because even if they are overrated, they can still save lives if the person is wearing a safety belt. So if the regulators will force people to wear seatbelts than they will also think any other option to save lives is worth exploring.

First is that some people refuse to buckle up. Mandating ignition interlocks -- so vehicles won't start until belts are buckled -- is seen as a scandalous idea. Dangerous, expensive airbags are better?

Second is that airbags are seen as a triumph of regulation, and the intellectual left won't give an inch on regulation. Seat belts, and then shoulder harnesses, were the true triumph for regulation -- they've saved large numbers of lives in a cost-effective manner.

Third is that government programs never end. A generation ago there was a huge lobbying fight regarding airbags, resulting in new government programs and a new constituency of bag manufacturers. At this point airbags may have outlived their usefulness, if not actually become a hazard.

Also, now that air bags have been placed in most cars, if manufacturers take them out of the car then there is a perception that the car has just been made less safe. This would obviously affect sales.

Crimson star Andrew Fischer compiled 193 of his team's 404 yards from scrimmage. So maybe, just maybe, the play will be to Fischer. Yale had him single-covered going deep, no safety help. To make matters worse, Bulldogs corner Dale Harris was looking into the backfield trying to guess the play, rather than simply covering his man. 

Since Gregg often lies about whether a corner is looking in the backfield, I'm guessing Dale Harris really wasn't doing this.

TMQ contends that donations to university and college athletic departments should not be tax-deductible, since unlike education, athletics makes no larger contribution to society. No one likes taxes. But when the rich get deductions for donations, average people must be taxed or government debt must rise. Harvard has $36.4 billion endowment, more than double the GDP of Iceland. Why should athletic donations to Harvard, or to any university or college, be supported by average taxpayers?

The tax law which states donations to university and college athletic departments are tax-deductible isn't really in place for Harvard or other schools with huge endowments. It's intended to encourage contributions to smaller or medium sized athletic programs that need and can use the funds. The IRS just can't say, "All contributions to university and college athletic departments are tax-deductible, except for you Harvard. You have too much money already. Any contributions to your athletic department is not tax-deductible."

Last week Kansas City rose to second place, and immediately lost to winless Oakland. But since the Authentic Games Index doesn't recognize the Long Johns, this defeat does not alter the Chiefs' standing.

And yes, Gregg's Authentic Games metric is so useful it doesn't include his AFC Super Bowl participant from last week (and this week) losing to a previously winless team. Why would a loss to the worst team in the NFL hurt the Kansas City Chiefs in the Authentic Games metric? How could losing to the worst team in the NFL have ANYTHING to do with predicting that team's success in the postseason?

Gregg's Super Bowl matchup this week is Arizona versus Denver. Of course, Kansas City has one less loss to authentic teams than the Broncos have, but they lose out because they haven't played as many authentic teams as the Broncos.

My Non-Authentic Games metric has predicted the following Super Bowl matchups so far:

Packers and Broncos
Saints and Dolphins
Packers and Patriots

This week's Non-Authentic Games metric based entirely on which teams in the AFC and NFC won by the largest margin shows the Super Bowl matchup will be the Philadelphia Eagles and Buffalo Bills. So get ready for the matchup in the Super Bowl. Orton versus Sanchez.

Arizona clock management at the end of the first half at Seattle was perplexing. Trailing 9-0, the Cardinals reached third-and-goal on the Seattle 5 with 55 seconds remaining, holding a timeout. Bruce Arians watched as the clock ticked down to 19 seconds, then called the timeout. Huh? That meant Arizona was sure to attempt a pass into the end zone, as it did, incompletion -- the odd use of clock assured the Bluish Men Group they didn't have to defend a rush.

The Cardinals were holding a timeout, so why does this mean a pass attempt was assured? The Cardinals could easily have tried to run the football and then called timeout. Gregg is using hindsight to say that a pass was assured, but the Cardinals easily could have run the football from the five-yard line with one timeout. Sometimes I don't even understand what Gregg is thinking. He tends to just make up a reality to fit the criticism he wants to make.

The Blizzard of 1979 pretty much shut down Chicago for about two weeks and had lingering impacts for a month. Snow removal efforts were terrible despite lavish federal emergency aid; much of the CTA failed; the city's political machine was discredited, opening the door to Byrne. Three monster blizzards have hit Chicago in the postwar period, and all three been poorly handled. Yet Chicago is not widely viewed as a blizzard city.

Then there's Buffalo. The hard-to-believe seven-foot snowfall in parts of the Buffalo area (most totals are much lower, "lake effect" snow can vary significantly over short distances) is perhaps best appreciated in this photo, unless you prefer the drone perspective. Most Buffalo area public schools reopened today, one week after the blizzard. Chicago needed two weeks for basic recovery (schools open, plowing of side streets) from less than two feet of snow, Buffalo recovered faster from more than double the snowfall. Having lived in both Buffalo and Chicago, I can attest that Buffalo handles snow better, and endures less disruption of daily life from snow, than Chicago.

Yet Buffalo is viewed as a blizzard capital while Chicago is viewed as merely windy.

Chicago is viewed as merely windy probably because they don't get as many snowstorms during a given year as Buffalo. So Chicago doesn't handle snow as well because it seems the city infrastructure isn't as well-equipped to handle large amounts of snow as the city infrastructure in Buffalo is equipped to handle large amounts of snow.

If snowstorms ruin your day, you'd be better off in Buffalo than in Chicago -- since in Buffalo, snow rapidly is plowed and shoveled.

Yes, it's better to be in a snowstorm while located in a city that is used to handling snowstorms. Thanks for the information Gregg. I wouldn't have been able to figure this out without your help.

The Football Gods Will Smile Upon Him: On the final first half snap of Cleveland versus Atlanta, the Browns attempted a 60-yard field goal. Devin Hester was back to return a missed long field goal, which happened; got most of the way down the field and had only the holder to beat for a touchdown with time expired; Browns offensive lineman Joel Bitonio, who weighs 305 pounds, hustled like crazy to catch Hester from behind.

I think Gregg means "highly-paid glory boy and second round pick" Joel Bitonio hustled to catch Hester. Because Bitonio was drafted in the second round, Gregg won't be mentioning his draft position because it might ruin the narrative that highly-drafted players don't hustle like undrafted and lowly drafted players do.

Last week, TMQ complained of timid play calling by Buffalo coach Doug Marrone on fourth-and-short. In the second quarter, Bills facing fourth-and-short on the Jersey/B 45, Marrone went for it, and the try failed. The failed fourth-and-short was Buffalo's biggest down of the game! This column contends that sometimes it's better to try and fail -- this communicates to players that their coach is challenging them to win -- than to launch a timid punt. After the failed fourth-and-short, the Bills outscored the Jets 31-0.

It's better to try and fail because this communicates to players that the coach is challenging his team to win...except in situations like last week when Gregg criticized the Saints for not "doing a little dance" to convert the fourth down. It turns out that going for it on fourth-and-short challenges a coach's team to win only in cases where that team ended up winning the game. Funny how that works isn't it?

Manly Man Plays of the Week: Game tied 7-7, Santa Clara, hosting the Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons, faced fourth-and-2 at midfield with 11 seconds remaining, holding a time out. The "safe" thing to do is to punt. Harbaugh/West  called for a deep pass, complete, Niners field goal on the final snap of the half.

Yeah, but WHO CAUGHT THIS PASS, GREGG? WHO? SAY HIS NAME!

From the ESPN game play-by-play of this game:

(:11) (Shotgun) C.Kaepernick pass deep right to M.Crabtree pushed ob at WAS 23 for 25 yards (B.Breeland). 0-yds YAC

Michael Crabtree, he of the "Crabtree Curse" and a highly-drafted glory boy who only cares about himself, is the guy who caught this pass. Isn't it interesting how Gregg leaves this little tidbit out of his analysis of this play? It's like Gregg has an agenda he pushes in TMQ. This agenda is mainly to make up some shitty theory in order to explain why a team isn't playing well (instead of actual analysis because Gregg isn't capable of doing this) and then cover up how wrong he was when his theory is proven to be incorrect. It's all about Gregg's ego. He CAN NOT be seen as wrong nor can he allow his readers to see through his bullshit.

Colin Kaepernick and Robert Griffin III, both once viewed as unstoppable,

They've never been viewed as unstoppable. Gregg is exaggerating.

Doomsday movies play in suburban shopping malls to amuse soccer moms; 

That's a little sexist I think. Gregg probably thinks these soccer moms catch the doomsday movies in the afternoon so they can be home in time to cook dinner and make more babies.

Doomsday and computer-generated special effects obviously fit together nicely, while dystopias create the sort of simplistic good-versus-evil contrasts beloved by scriptwriters. If a future society is run by cackling villains, that's a lot easier to write than a future run by the conscientious.

Considering these movies and books are written to be entertaining, it's also a lot more entertaining to have an actual antagonist in a story rather than a story about nice people running the future with no conflict and drama.

The Football Gods Chortled: Three days after being on the cover of Sports Illustrated, breakout Patriots star Jonas Gray was benched, active for the Detroit game but never sent in.

Again, Gregg misleads his readers. I believe he means "unwanted and undrafted" Jonas Gray. Also, Gray isn't a star because he played well in one game. Geez. Cut back on the exaggerations.

Raiders Mathematically Alive to Finish 6-10: Kansas City had just defeated the defending champion Seahawks and was looking past the 0-10 Raiders to this Sunday's confrontation with Denver.

Gregg's ability to read minds comes through again.

Miami leading 21-17 at Denver facing third-and-10 at the Broncos 12, Ryan Tannehill dropped to pass.

Well, if Tannehill dropped to pass then he's playing the quarterback position all wrong. It's hard to throw the football from the ground.

Yes, I make grammar mistakes all the time, but is it too much to expect more from a columnist who has an editor and writes for the biggest sports site on the Internet? I don't think so.

He was hit as he threw; the ball bounced off an offensive lineman

Well obviously. He dropped to throw the pass. There's no way he could get the pass over the offensive lineman while on the ground.

Next Week: Tuesday Morning Quarterback gets a chief of staff.

Maybe this chief of staff will convince Gregg to quit misleading his readers by leaving out facts that only serve to protect Gregg's ego and attempt to give Gregg's assertions some authority in the minds of readers through deception. I doubt it. Gregg would probably just hire a chief of staff to gather more information about how unrealistic science-fiction movies and television shows are.

I said I would have to be thankful for something in this column in an attempt to be somewhat positive. Here it is. I'm thankful this column is over...and I'm thankful you guys read the crap I write about the crap Gregg writes.

5 comments:

Chris said...

I believe you are correct Ben, the Hunger games is indeed a work of fiction. Also it is also a young adult dystopian future science fiction film and novel, not "doomsday". It's the Hunger games not Armageddon or 2012

Chris said...

Oh and minor nitpick but who the hell are "touts"? Gregg refers to members of the sports media as this from time to time and I still don't know what in the hell he is talking about

Eric C said...

Oh, Gregg.

Bengoodfella said...

Chris, I think "touts" are nameless people who really have no identity because Gregg has no clue who he is really talking about.

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