Monday, September 29, 2008

0 comments Someone Needs to Steal Alex Marvez's Computer Keyboard

It would save us from the pain of having to read things like this.

As the NFL trade deadline approaches, someone desperately needs to make a deal.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

I get it. You think he should force another NFL team to trade for a player like he did with the Brett Favre situation? Let me guess, you think Roy Williams or Anquan Boldin should go to the Cowboys? Matt Leinart to the Patriots?

We're not talking players here. We're talking franchises.

You want to replace the St. Louis Rams with the Toronto Argonauts?

Swap an NFC East club with another from the NFC West. It doesn't matter which ones.

Why would you do that? There would be a team in the NFC West that was from the East and a team in the East that was from the West. This idea blows...and I say that sincerely because I know it took you all of five minutes to think about this and write this column.

If you are going to do this idea, why don't you put an NFC East team in the AFC East and switch from there? That would make more sense.

Also, Philadelphia, Arizona, San Francisco, and St. Louis division would be no more exciting than what it currently looks like.

Because as it stands now, an NFC East team will get shafted while a lesser NFC West team heads to the postseason based on the league's playoff format.

What?????? You mean every division in football will not be completely equal in strength throughout the entire year? All teams in the Eastern part of the country should not be of equal strength, that is not why the NFL lined up the divisions that way. It was geography and interdivisional rivalries, it was not all about making the divisions fair every single year.

Actually, I think teams that were in the weakest division should be able to draft earlier in the NFL Draft so the teams in that division can get stronger and all teams will be of equal strength throughout the year. That way the league would be incredibly boring all the time and every team will either go 4-12, 8-8, or 12-4.

Fuck changing divisions, let's just put the team division names in a hat and then draw out teams from that to determine which teams are in each other's division.

Every division must be balanced and must always stay equally balanced. It has to be that way in Alex Marvez's Communist NFL Manifesto.

The NFC West doesn't have any members with a winning record.

This type of thing happens every year, in every sport, in every division at some point. Then that team that stinks gets knocked out of the playoffs early and the big boys can play. That is the price you pay for parity. It really is cyclical as well. The divisions are not always going to be fair, that is life. Ask the Cleveland Browns who went 10-6 last year but missed the playoffs but the 10-6 Giants won the Super Bowl.

The last time the NFC West won the Super Bowl? The year 2000. What a bunch of pathetic losers.

Every year we get to read "this division is not fair, look at how many good teams are in the division, and look at how many bad teams are in the other division" articles. They get really old, especially since if you have the brain power of a hamster you know these type of things are cyclical and not indicative of an overall trend. Hence, Alex Marvez does not understand this.

If Alex Marvez had his way the Golden State Warriors would be in the Eastern Conference...

Auburn University would go to the Pac-10 in college football and basketball, trading places with UCLA...

Alabama would go to the Big East, trading places with Rutgers in college football.

What could make sport any more fun than diluting a good conference/division, and rather than having a competitive game nearly every week, each team gets to play easier teams so rather than the Redskins and Cowboys play twice a year (once at each team's stadium) and potentially once in the playoffs, to decide who is a better team, they meet in the playoffs only once? Nothing could be better.

Less competitive games, more dilution of conferences to ensure fairness! I think all teams should have to use Brett Favre as their QB as well. Then everything would be really equal.

The NFL's beasts are in the NFC East. Washington's 26-24 road upset of Dallas is further proof.

That one game is fucking proof that something needs to be done. What about Kansas City's defeat of the previously unbeaten Denver Broncos, who beat San Diego, who beat the Raiders, who beat Kansas City? Is that proof the AFC West is loaded and is the beast of the NFL?

Alex?

Entering Sunday night's Philadelphia-Chicago game, none of the NFC East's four teams had lost outside the division. The Giants — one of the NFL's four remaining undefeated teams — defeated Washington in the season opener. The Cowboys topped Philadelphia the following week. And on Sunday, Dallas fell from the unbeaten ranks at the hands of a Redskins team that has won three straight.

Conclusive proof. Thanks for that.

The most annoying part about all of this is that these were all competitive games. How irritating that competitive games will decide who gets to be in the playoffs! Wouldn't it be much more fun if each team was separated from each other and got to play teams that were not good and it made for less competitive and exciting football? Alex Marvez thinks so.

Since he is obviously a genius with a foolproof plan, I wonder how Alex would handle the fact each NFL team plays four teams in an AFC Division and NFL Division, where it rotates every year? How would we make that fair every year? Each conference can not be identical in strength to the next one, would there just be no games played between different divisions? The Broncos would play the Raiders, Chiefs, and Chargers 3 times and then play the Philadelphia Eagles, Washingon Redskins, Dallas Cowboys, and New York Giants once each, since they are the beast of the NFL and all.

Yet there are only two wild-card spots in each conference, which makes rivalry games like Cowboys vs. Redskins even more spirited

Boring!!! Besides those games are so spirited because of the fantasy impact and not because of a competitive conference. Right, Bill Simmons?

We need more Arizona v. New York Jet games where the outcome is decided at halftime.

Redskins coach Jim Zorn said the contest was a "brawl," an apt description for a game that wasn't decided until Dallas failed to recover an onsides kick with 1:42 remaining.

A "brawl?" How uncouth!

The competition every time we play each other is at a high level," Cowboys defensive end Marcus Spears said. "You never can rate this game before it starts as one team is going to do such and such.

A high level of competition too? Geez, separate these teams before these games get more exciting. Alex Marvez's idea of boring you to do death with games in equal divisions is so much more exciting.

I HATE it when Duke and UNC play each other twice every year in basketball. It sucks so bad to see two teams that are of equal strength playing each other. I much prefer the UNC-UNC Asheville game. They should actually play 15 times a year so we could get a better gauge of how good UNC is.

Spears has good reason to believe the Cowboys are playoff-bound. But a second- or third-place NFC East finish awaits if the Cowboys stage more mistake-filled performances.

This is not fair but this is bound to happen. Just like a couple mistakes would stop the Tampa Bay Bucs from making the playoffs, it could happen to the Cowboys. The interesting part is that if these teams play each other all year, I doubt they would all go 3-3 against each other, then at some point we could determine who the better team was, and who thereby deserves to go to the playoffs. That is also why you should wait until at least mid season to write an article like this.

But in the future, NFC East teams won't have to pummel each other twice a season if the NFL expands to 34 franchises.

He clearly looks forward to this day.

Divisions could be abolished altogether, replaced by 17-team conferences.

The exact opposite of what baseball has done, which normally seems like a great idea. Not here though.

Squads would reach the playoffs based on records after matchups against every conference foe.

In his brilliance, Alex Marvez does not think about what would happen if one conference, say the AFC is incredibly stronger than the NFC, so a team that is 9-7 in the AFC won't make it, but a team that is 9-7 in the NFC will. Just nevermind this. He is currently trying his damndest to get 4 NFC East teams in the playoffs for some reason.

Ok, let's see how this works in the following situation. We can try to determine who would make the playoffs if the Giants, Saints, and Packers were all 9-7 at the end of the year. We do this using the current tie breaker method from wikipedia:

1. Head-to-head (team with the best record in all games played between the teams tied)

The Giants beat the Saints.
The Saints beat the Packers.
The Packers beat the Giants.

So the Giants were 1-1, the Saints were 1-1, and the Packers were 1-1, so onward we go...

2. Best won-lost-tied percentage in games played within the division. (This is for determining Division Champion; also, if there is a tie for a wild-card berth, this is used for breaking ties within a division.)

No divisions, so skip this.

3. Best won-lost-tied percentage in common games (only applicable with a minimum of 4 common opponents)

They all played the same opponents and had the same record. Next...

4. Best won-lost-tied percentage in games played within the conference.

This would also be equal. Next...

5. Strength of victory (winning percentage of opponents that were beaten)

Assuming this is not the same for each, this would be the 2nd criteria for determing who should make the playoffs without divisions. I am not good with this happening because say the Giants beat every team they were supposed to beat and did not lose to any teams below them in the standings, other than the Packers, they could not make the playoffs if the Saints beat 2 of the top 3 teams while they were at home, but lost to 2 of the bottom 3 teams playing on the road, and the Saints winning percentage of teams beaten is still higher.

Basically the Saints stink on the road and are wonderful at home. The first playoff game they play is going to be on the road, so they will most likely lose if they are that bad at home. Alex Marvez's plan would only work really well if all games were played at neutral sites.

I realize this is not outstanding evidence Alex Marvez is wrong about this but one of the main advantages of the divisional system is that teams play at each other's home stadium in a given year and you can use this equal playing floor, regardless of how good both teams are, to determine who is more worthy of making the playoffs. Granted the entire playing field is not even, but at least the second tie breaker is not based on strength of schedule. His insane plan would turn the NFL into college basketball, except strength of schedule becomes the end-all be-all of who makes the playoffs.

That system would better reflect the NFL's top teams. But it also isn't something that can help the Redskins, Cowboys, Eagles or Giants in 2008.

Nor would it help every other team in every other sport this has ever happened to. It makes every game that is played be important and makes the games more competitive and exciting to watch. I don't consider that a bad thing. Maybe every once in a while a division will be weak and a team that did not deserve to make the playoffs does, that does not mean the whole system should have an overhaul. It just means one division is boring while the others are exciting.

There have been 4 games so far this year, who is to say the teams that play well the first 4 weeks are the best teams in the league? Buffalo is undefeated for God's sake.

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