13 comments Let's Make Fun of Two Pretty White Boys Who Smile A Lot

I woke up today and realized I haven't made fun of Jeff Francouer or Furman Bisher lately. I also have NEVER made fun of Tim Tebow and I was wondering how can I fix this. Fortunately good ol' Japanese hating Furman has given me an opportunity to fix part of this and I will fix the Tebow part myself. Francouer failing as an Atlanta Brave was an especially hard hit for Furman because Francouer is white, from the United States and came from the Braves farm system. It is like the Armageddon of failures for Furman. Let's see how he is holding up.

Sad to say, that in this fairy tale, nobody lives happily ever after.

Oh no, the Braves got some type of value for Francouer, they are living quite happily ever after. He's actually hitting better for the Mets and they still hate him.

“The Natural” has been cast off by the team that brought him in from the suburbs, gloated over him through those first two seasons when he was a steady producer, and then, suddenly, when he lost his game, there was no one to help him.

They used him dammit! When he was no longer of use to the team, or was actually hurting the team just by being in the lineup, they traded him. How dare a team look to win games and not keep a player that is dragging the team down with his inability to do his job halfway effectively! This is America dammit...people should be able to keep their job even if they suck at that job, especially if they make millions of dollars in return for sucking.

So Jeff Francoeur went searching on his own. I don’t understand how it came to that.

When there is no one in an entire MLB organization that can help you hit the ball better, that should tell you something about your prospects as a baseball player.

Neither do I understand just why a hitting slump can’t be cured like the common cold.

Apparently Furman is not aware there actually is no cure for the common cold either. I wouldn't expect him to know this, he is young and impressionable, he probably just forgot.

Mark DeRosa was one, rejected by the Braves, signed by the Rangers and under Jaramillo, as the story goes, found a swing that eventually led to a $13-million contract with the Cubs. Then Mark Teixeira passed that way, and need I say more?

Actually yes, you do need to say more. Like get the timeline correct. DeRosa started playing for the Rangers in 2005 and Tex started playing there in 2003. Not to mention Tex was the 5th pick in the draft and was a guy who got a huge bonus to play for the Rangers. He didn't need Rudy Jaramillo's help in any fashion. Mark DeRosa was also a good hitter prior to going to Texas, I think being able to play full time allowed him to get more at bats and get comfortable at the major league level, which allowed him to hit the ball better. Atlanta did not sign him, not rejected him, because they knew they could not offer him an everyday job.

So yes, you could have gotten this all much more correct.

So the season opened, Francoeur’s swing still showed some lack of discipline and his average hovered around .250.

That doesn't sound too bad, but what was his OBP Furman?

2007- 0.338
2008- 0.294
2009- 0.282 (with the Braves)

Yes, he took hitting lessons and his OPS dropped to a pathetic 0.634. How would he have hit without the hitting lessons? He was awful. Just awful and if Rudy Jaramillo and the Braves organization can't fix him, why keep him?

He became a target.

Yes, he was a victim of the organization looking to rid itself of bad baseball players.

Meanwhile, back in Atlanta, you wonder. How would Cox have reacted if Francoeur had told him of his Jaramillo plan? What if he had come back to the Braves hitting .300 with a generous sprinkling of home runs? Would he ever have been traded?

If he hit .300 and had home runs he probably would not have been traded. This is an incredibly stupid point to try and prove the Braves did not stick with him or should have done more to help him.

The Braves traded him because he did not have success as a hitter in the major leagues, if he had success then he would not have gotten traded most likely. I don't think the organization would have cared if he sacrificed kittens to hit the ball well, just as long as he contributed to the team in some other fashion other than playing above average defense.

Frank Wren, of course, handled the deal, but it had to be approved by Cox. And there went the hometown hero, who could have been a Clemson Tiger, but chose the Braves and their sweetened pot of $2 million or so. Now, all that remains of that class of golden prospects is Brian McCann.

Furman is still bemoaning the "golden days of the Braves minor league system," which was 2005 apparently. You can't just keep players around because they are from Georgia and came from the Braves' system. I know this is a difficult principle for Furman to accept, but it's true.

So Francoeur was dealt to the Mets and his name is misspelled on the lineup card.

Those fucking New York Mets, insulting Francouer for last the time by misspelling his name.

Big deal. I once walked into the Milwaukee Braves clubhouse and Henry Aaron’s name was misspelled. Besides, Francoeur isn’t easy to spell, anyway.

Nevermind, Furman forgives you.

Nor is it easy to say goodbye.

It was actually incredibly easy for me to say goodbye and it should have been for anyone who wasn't a horny woman or Furman Bisher.

-I am officially becoming annoyed with the media's obsession with Tim Tebow. I actually don't hate Tebow, which is odd since I do hate the University of Florida and pretty much anything that is related to the school. I don't know why, I have never liked the school. There have been two controversies this week concerning Tebow.

The first is SEC VoteGate.

The assembled media in the Wynfrey Hotel ballroom are trying to find the perp among the league's coaches. The crime against football reason: failing to vote for Florida's Tim Tebow as the first-team all-Southeastern Conference quarterback.

How dare someone not vote Tim Tebow first team All-SEC! Tim Tebow is a Christian man of God, by not voting for him you are pissing God himself off. Tim Tebow delivers babies for underprivileged mothers and steals orphans from poor villages and then drops them on the doorstep of wealthy and famous celebrities...then stares down the celebrity until they formally adopt the baby. Who would dare smite Tebow and not vote for him?

Well, it turns out it was Steve Spurrier who did not vote him for him, but it was an "oversight." Damn right it was, even Steve Spurrier is afraid to piss off Tebow and God.

What is the media's fascination with Tim Tebow? Who cares if someone did not vote for him first team All-SEC?

Nobody wants to admit publicly he didn't vote for Tebow. But somebody didn't.

I thank God/Tebow that Steve Spurrier stood up and said he did not vote for Tebow...but then he bitched out and said it was an "oversight." Have some balls and say you did not vote for Tebow and voted for Jevan Snead, who is actually a great quarterback in his own right, though he doesn't smile as much or have a camera in front of him as often when he is doing good deeds.

"Will it give me a little bit [of motivation]?" Tebow asked. "Yeah, I guess. But I have enough that gives me motivation right now. I honestly think it's funny."

Yeah, the fact Spurrier thought you were the second best quarterback in the SEC should really motivate you to prove him wrong. I have always thought it was a little egotistical for a player to get offended when people don't vote that player an unanimous choice for any All-Conference team. How big can your ego be that you can't accept there may be someone as good as you in the conference?

The Tebow-mania is overboard because everyone ignores the fact there are great skill players all around Tebow who can make him look good, guys like Louis Murphy and Percy Harvin....they have made Tebow's job a lot easier in the past. Tebow is great but his great teammates get ignored.

I got my Sports Illustrated for this week and Tebow was on the cover. I don't hate him but I am over all this adulation he receives.

The second controversy stirred up almost as much heat. Want to hear something else about Tebow that makes him so great? He's a virgin. I am not sure everyone heard about it.

It doesn't matter if the question what out of line or not, my favorite part is where reporters will write an entire column saying the question did not matter and was out of line...yet it is important enough to write an entire column about. Here is what Tebow-mania turns people like Dennis Dodd of CBS Sportsline into, when he should be covering the SEC meetings and talking football:

His latest job is with AOL Fanhouse. The site currently employs some of my favorite writers. Clay Travis is not one of them. Not now, because it sickens me to be reminded again that journalism has become a hobby instead of a vocation. Radio talk-show hosts who have never set foot in a locker room call themselves "journalists." Give an out-of-work linebacker an analyst job, and suddenly he's the "media."

Yes, I am not sure this is entirely an appropriate response to the question that was asked. This sounds a little bit like an off the topic rant...but this is what Tim Tebow does to sportswriters. It turns them into angry yellers who rant off topic. Who cares if Tebow was not affected by the question, when you can use that question to go off on a tangent?

But he wasn't done:

Nice day at work. Rest up and come back fresh tomorrow, Clay. There will be plenty of chances on Friday to ask a player if he has herpes. I'm sure the public is dying to know if Lane Kiffin ever "read" Playboy or if Les Miles watches HBO after midnight?

Somebody needs to take a nap.

Dan Wetzel wants us to all know that Tebow is in fact perfect.

The gushing from the media through the years – the latest being a Sports Illustrated cover appearance this week – is well-earned.

What can anyone say though? What’s his negative – that he’s too earnest? He’s too polite? Does Tim Tebow do anything wrong?

I think Tim Tebow is 1,000 times more mature than most college students and I applaud him for making choices to help out those less fortunate and do whatever he chooses to do in his personal life, but isn't this a bit much?

I find it fascinating the media is so fascinated with Tim Tebow. I am not even going to talk about the comment Thom Brennaman made during the National Championship about how "five minutes with Tim Tebow will change your life."

There is a difference between having respect for a college football player and fawning all over him. I think it has gone more to the "fawning over Tim Tebow" side of coverage of late. What is it about this smiling God fearing guy that turns sportswriters into little teenage girls gushing over the newest boy band? Other than the fact he is perfect of course...