Saturday, October 9, 2010

0 comments Seriously? This Isn't an Article from "The Onion?"

I'm going a little short on the article today. I wasn't going to post anything, but when crap like this hits the Interwebs, I have to respond. We all know and roll our eyes at the idea of a "true Yankee." Even Yankee fans don't know what the hell this means really. It's like "Red Sox Nation." It is a term purely created by the media. Well, Joel Sherman would like to invite Lance Berkman into the club, even behind the velvet rope. Apparently the entrance for "true Yankee-dom" is a cheap club AND it has bouncers. Classy! Berkman is now a "true Yankee." The level of self-parody has now reached new levels. This is not a joke for an article. Sherman is being serious. He seems like a nice-enough guy, at least from his picture, so why did he do this? Why????

Lance Berkman resided in an interesting place as he came to bat in the fifth inning last night. Technically, he was a Yankee. He had the uniform, drew a paycheck signed by a Steinbrenner, enjoyed the company of a clubhouse saturated with All-Stars.

But he wasn't a "true Yankee" because he didn't have a bloated self-important sense about himself. Seriously, even many Yankees fans hate this term.

Thus, with the score tied 1-1 in Division Series Game 2, Berkman was still searching. He had talked quite a lot about having a moment or two in the playoffs that would make his brief stay with the Yankees more than a footnote, more than an unfortunate pitstop in a terrific career gone to seed.

Berkman's entire career, all five All-Star selections, his great career numbers, his achievements in Houston with the Astros and his relationship with his four daughters were all worth nothing...because he hadn't gotten a big for the Yankees yet. Only once a player gets a big hit for the Yankees does his life ever have meaning. Otherwise, he is just another bum player who had the audacity to not get a big hit for the only franchise that the world.

A big hit as a Yankees justifies your existence in the world. It's like an arms-race to determine which term is truly the absolute dumbest, "Red Sox Nation" or "true Yankee."

In the Yankee Game 2 lineup, the only player less likely to be able to get over the deep center-field wall at Target Field than Berkman was Brett Gardner.

Jason Giambi couldn't do it either. He was never a true Yankee!

“You don’t feel you are part of the team until you do something to help the team,” Berkman said.

Seriously Lance, shut up. You are just feeding the monster at this point. At some point some New York sports columnist is going to put out a list of "true Yankees" since the team's creation from the bowels of Hell in 1901 (Which also happens to be the same year Alzheimer's was identified for the first time. Coincidence? I think not. The New York Yankees are responsible for Alzheimer's disease). When this list comes out, I will mock it.

So now he is a Yankee, the offensive star in a 5-2 triumph that sent the Twins to their eighth straight playoff loss to the Yankees.

He was a Yankee before. He just didn't get the insanely idiotic designation from the media until he got a big hit for the Yankees, which was his first positive contribution to the world...ever.

But the homer and double last night were particularly sweet. They allowed him to step inside the velvet rope and really join the Yankees.

"Step inside the velvet rope and really join the Yankees." This is a sentence that is supposed to have journalistic meaning and actually MEAN something to someone.

This article is self-parody at its worst. What makes it the worst is that the writer doesn't even realize it. He's not in on the joke. The idea of there being "true Yankees" is eye-rolling to pretty much everyone, except those people who insist on perpetuating this idiotic term as if it truly has meaning.

My other question is whether Bert Blyleven thinks Berkman can make it in New York now.