3 comments MMQB Review: Roger Goodell Helps Peter King Write This Week Edition

Baseball is about to begin and the NCAA Tournament is in the middle of grabbing our attention, and the Lakers-Suns are playing three overtimes...does anyone think that will stop Peter King from dishing out relevant nuggets of NFL information and updating us on the local beers he has sampled from around the country? Of course not. The NFL may stop and have a lockout, but Peter King goes on and on...about Mike Vick...about Tony Dungy and what a great guy he is...on and on and on...about lockout updates...on and on and on...

Very interesting weekend.

I would say a more uber-interesting weekend. Perhaps a quasi-interesting weekend with a little bit of somewhat exciting moments and a dash of occasional spontaneity.

Oh. And I have some news about a couple of guys riding to the rescue of Plaxico Burress.

Yes! Update us on a football player who has been out of the league for a couple years, a guy who is looking to re-enter the NFL for the 2011 season if there is a 2011 season. Tell us what's going on with him. Now. Huge. Urgent.

I need a Tiki Barber update as well. Because I cared so much about that douchebag so much the first time around. Guess that whole "easy transition into becoming a news media figure" wasn't so easy to do was it?

And I think

You just think?

-- no, I know --

You KNOW! That's better.

that Carson Palmer's serious about his intention to retire if the Bengals don't deal him.

Based on Palmer's performance of late, I think he may need to look into retirement regardless of who he could potentially play for next year. There are children who attend football games to consider. We can't have an unsuspecting child take an errant Carson Palmer pass to the face. Rim shot!

And Andy Reid's got at least one team on the hook for Kevin Kolb.

What? You thought this was the offseason?

Seriously, these are not that interesting stories. Vick is a personal interest story about how he went back to prison (which is barely interesting enough to me for a mention, but that's it), no one really cares (other than Bengals fans) if Palmer retires or not, and until Kevin Kolb actually gets traded I am not sure how many people truly care if a team has interest in him.

We'll start by me tailing The Michael Vick Experience as he tried to fire up inmates in Avon Park, Fla., on Saturday. That's by far the most interesting thing that happened in the NFL this weekend, and no one but about 700 cons were around to see it.

Mike Vick going to a jail to visit inmates. By far the most interesting thing in the NFL this weekend. Yet, somehow Peter gets five pages for his entire MMQB. I am guessing the rest of what Peter wrote is about how some punk kids annoyed him by playing on their IPad on the train as Peter stared at them continuously for four hours.

Can I put that on hold to tell you the most interesting two things I learned about Vick this weekend?

He prefers slow drip coffee and has soft hands?

One: Did you know Vick, while imprisoned at the federal prison in Leavenworth, Kan., had a "Longest Yard'' experience, quarterbacking one team of cons to a 42-14 win over another? The inmates kept badgering him to play, but he went more than a year without touching a football -- until September 2008, with eight months left on his sentence.

I am sure after being in jail for 8 months Vick had touched some a few balls during that time, maybe just not a football.

Alas, the Vick side won in a rout; he said he thought he threw maybe six or seven incompletions. "All my guys wanted to do was go deep,'' he said.

(Insert prison joke about "going deep" here)

I asked him if he was sacked at all. "Once,'' he said. To which Tony Dungy, listening in, said: "Sign that guy up.''

Oh, but we can't Herr Dungy! There's a fucking lockout! Teams can't sign anyone right now! Perhaps this news hasn't gotten to you yet up there on that high, high horse of yours. I thought God would have given you information about this lockout in the daily newsletters he sends from heaven on a cloud to your bedroom window every morning about how awesome you are.

Two: Part of his prison sentence included a four-night, top-secret stay in solitary confinement in Atlanta about a month before his May 2009 release.

What? The media wasn't alerted to this? Perhaps it was because Mike Vick being physically located in Atlanta at one point would have caused one of two outcomes.

1. Nobody cares.
2. People would really, really care and it would be hard to transport Vick.

"It was pretty weird, being in Atlanta,'' he said. "We drove past a course where I used to golf, and past places I used to go all the time.

Mike Vick used to golf? That just seems weird. I can't see him as a golfer.

Stunning. Matt Ryan's throwing balls to Falcon receivers a few miles up the road, and Vick's sitting in solitary, in the town he used to own. And no one knew.

Earth-shattering. Mind-numbing. Mike Vick went to a city where he used to play football as part of being transported from prison-to-prison. Atlanta is a pretty big city. Peter does know Vick will probably play in Atlanta with an NFL team before his career his over doesn't he?

Maybe I am the only one who isn't impressed or stunned about this tidbit.

I got a good view into Michael Vick's world over the weekend, visiting a Florida prison with Tony Dungy and another one of our NBC Football Night in America colleagues, Dan Patrick. (Dungy invited us to come along to see the prison ministry group he's become so involved with.) It was a good time to see Dungy and his friends at work, and to see how Vick is progressing in turning his life around.

I don't really hate Tony Dungy. I do hate that he is such a good person, it makes me feel like a bad person. I also hate that media people tend to tell me what a great person Tony Dungy is, it makes me want to find out something wrong with him. I also hate that Tony Dungy is the go-to moral authority when it comes to NFL matters. If the same guy who turned his team (with a Hall of Fame quarterback) over to Jim Caldwell has an opinion on something, shouldn't we all listen? Clearly, his judgment is impeccable.

Can he really overcome the stigma of masterminding the dogfighting ring the way he did, causing him to spend 19 months of his life in prison?

As soon as Peter King stops bringing this up at least once a month, perhaps, just maybe, possibly, Mike Vick can overcome this stigma. It's just a matter of Peter King not bringing it up constantly.

The signs have been good. "I want to be an instrument of change,'' he told about 700 prisoners at the Avon Park Correctional Institute, 90 minutes south of Orlando. And he was terrific in his five hours here, signing autographs, talking to two large groups of prisoners and then talking to men in smaller groups informally. He also spoke to eight men in solitary confinement.

I'm not being an ass, but I am sure Mike Vick sort of knows how this prisoners feel. He was there once himself and he didn't hang out with the most non-criminal crowd when he was with the Falcons. So it wouldn't shock me Vick is terrific with inmates.

I can tell you from being in the solitary cellblock, with the tiny cells and the knowledge that these men will leave these cells for only three hours each week ... the depression was palpable.

Well, we can't have America's prisoners be depressed. They need to be really excited about being in jail and learning new methods on how to commit crime, while networking to gain new opportunities to meet fellow criminals. I feel for the people in solitary confinement, and this isn't the place or time to talk about America's penal system, but generally you have to do something more severe than getting a speeding ticket to be in solitary confinement.

I am also sure the pick-me-up from Vick helped the prisoners out in the short term, but then they were probably depressed again soon after because they were in jail, solitary confinement specifically.

So I saw him doing the right thing, and he's been doing the right thing in Philadelphia. Those who monitor Vick, including Dungy and commissioner Roger Goodell, think he's doing well.

Great job. He's been in jail and he has been out of jail. He's done his time. Price paid. There is a lockout and whether Mike Vick is being a good boy or not doesn't interest me in the least. Thanks for updating me though.

I'll tell you what concerns me: the adulation and the nonstop attention.

Right, because most popular NFL players don't have to worry about this and I am sure this is all new to Mike Vick.

He was swarmed in the morning by men desperately happy to see him. In the evening, when he went with Dungy and the former coach's wife, Lauren, to a fundraising banquet for the Abe Brown Ministries, one of Dungy's favorite causes, a constant procession of people to Vick's seat in the crowd made it hard for him to eat -- and he finally gave up trying to do that.

The people were nice, to be sure, and well-meaning. But we saw what happened to Vick when the daily treatment of him like Michael Jordan in the public was combined with having money. And if he keeps playing football like he played in his reborn 2010 season, he's going to have money again, even after he takes care of his debts from bankruptcy court. Lots of money.

Well, I guess we will see. I'm still not sure how this is really interesting. Either Vick will stay on the right path or he won't. Continuously speculating which path he will take is a useless exercise at this point.

"That's the kind of thing I used to just say, 'I don't see a cop, I'm doing the U-turn,' '' Vick said. "That happens now, I'm wrong, I get picked up, and I'm on the front page. It's not a big deal, but if I do it, it is. I understand. That's OK. To alleviate any chance of a problem, I've always got to do the right thing now. But it's a good thing. I've got to hold myself accountable in everything I do.''

Vick doesn't have to hold himself accountable, he just needs to try and not torture and kill dogs, get caught with drugs or do anything else that can be classified as a misdemeanor or a felony. Making an illegal U-turn is no big deal really. I am not sure this gets him on the front page of the paper unless he has a dog carcass or drugs in the backseat.

Vick had been a little tight Friday night. "I'm nervous about going,'' he said, "but this time, I get to leave at the end of the day.'' When Vick strode into the courtyard to meet the men, he wore AVON PARK VISITORS BADGE 307; the inmates wore their prison IDs clipped to the front of their prison-issued blue uniforms. In the informal chatting and signing, much of the talk was football. "You gonna learn to slide now?'' one 25ish inmate asked.

"No. No,'' Vick said. "Not how I play. In 20 years, I'll look back at my career and say, 'I never learned to slide.' ''

(Eagles fans start to rub their head out of frustration)

Of course, Vick will also look back at his career and wonder why he never played in 16 games more than once in his career as he gets out of bed and hobbles across the room because being pummeled by linebackers because he refused to slide has caused damage to his body. I am sure Eagles fans are pumped up that Vick never wants to learn to slide. It's not like they need him on the field healthy or anything.

(More of my trip with Dungy and Vick can be read in this week's issue of Sports Illustrated.)

Seriously? Peter took up 1/5 of his MMQB discussing this story and this page was actually longer than any other page in his MMQB, so it was probably 1/4 of his MMQB. So he is going to give us MORE on this story in Sports Illustrated?

I'm pretty sure I can explain why the players have responded to the owners' offer of 10 days ago with such contempt.

But to criticize a proposal that all but dropped the 18-game regular-season as a proposal (players would have to agree for an expanded season to become reality), added a neutral arbitrator (not a league exec) to referee drug and steroid appeals, and appeared to significantly increase a vested player's health benefits for life. Trashing this proposal, to me, means more you're going to have to take back someday.

(Roger Goodell looks over Peter's shoulder as he writes this and begins talking) "I really like that last sentence. You're an NFL authority Peter."

(rubs Peter King on the head as Peter rubs his neck and head up and down Goodell's arm)

(Peter King) "Am I doing well?"

(Roger Goodell throws Peter a french fry and Peter catches it in his mouth) "You are doing very well Peter. You are such an authority on coffee, beer, gun control, the correct way to act while traveling, Brett Favre and the NFL. Have you thought about going on 'Jeopardy?'"

(Peter King smiling proudly) "No, but I have been a clue in the New York Times crossword!"

(Roger Goodell) "How would you like to be a clue in TWO New York Times crosswords? I can do it big guy." (punches Peter on the shoulder lightly)

(Peter King) "I would love to have that happen. Please sir, can you make this happen for me?"

(Roger Goodell) "Just keep doing what you are doing. You are such an authority (begins rubbing Peter's head again) on NFL matters. I'm amazed at how smart you have become. Begin to write more. Your fingers strike the keyboard at such a rapid pace. How confident you are."

(Goodell leaves the room and calls Jerry Richardson) "Peter King is still on-board. This is going well. Much better than I expected. By the way, who are you picking at number 1 in the draft?"

(Jerry Richardson) "The what? Picking? What does that have to do with making more money? The draft? What's that?"

(Roger Goodell) "The NFL Draft. It is in April. Remember, your team has the first pick. Who are you taking?"

(Jerry Richardson) "We're still doing the draft? I have no idea really who we are taking. I haven't thought about the Panthers team in two years now. I am thinking we are taking Charlie Newton, Mark Suh or maybe that quarterback from Stanford, Andrew Luck. Who gives a shit really who plays quarterback. Fans will show up, remember I sold them PSL's so they are out of money whether they come or not? Let's brainstorm more ways to make money and quit with this useless football talk. Do you think fans will want to buy licenses to purchase popcorn at the stadium if we limit the number of bags of popcorn we sell at a game?"

"That offer by us was not intended to be take-it-or-leave-it,'' negotiating committee member John Mara said in New Orleans Sunday. "We stood ready to talk about all parts of the offer, and I wish we had been able to. But they didn't come back to talk about it. There were some things in that offer that a lot of our [owners] might not have liked very much. We moved off 18 games. We'd only go to 18 if they approved it.''

The only way the NFL could ever play 18 games is if the players approved it. There's no way for the union to agree to a deal for 18 games without agreeing to a deal for 18 games to be played. I don't see this as a huge concession on the owner's part. It's like saying, the only way I would take $500 from you is if you let me do it. Of course the players have to agree to this because if 18 games is part of the agreement, then it has to be agreed upon by the players.

If the owners say the only way to get an 18-game schedule is for the players to agree to it, and the players are adamant they will not, I don't call that insisting on an 18-game schedule.

But the owners can be insisting there be an 18-game schedule and the players aren't agreeing to it. Maybe I am missing something or Peter is missing something, but if the owners work up every agreement with an 18 game schedule in it and the players don't agree to it then the owners are in a way insisting on the 18 game schedule.

I hate talking about lockouts. Both sides need to shut up publicly until they figure this out. It gives me a headache.

Palmer's not Carl Pickens or Corey Dillon, a disaffected star who was divisive in the locker room. He's been a classy franchise quarterback since stepping on campus in 2003. He's the team's billboard, though he's had a couple of shaky years in a row. The Bengals don't have a history of responding well to threats. What makes this interesting, though, is that Cincinnati would be able to get something decent for Palmer in trade. He's 31. He's healthy.

He has also had one good year since from 2007-2010 and one great year since 2006. Comparing Palmer's recent numbers to Jason Campbell and there isn't a huge difference in them, especially when you consider the receiving threats Palmer has had compared to Campbell.

So Palmer, at least in my mind, is a 31 year old player who seems to be regressing.

Andy Reid apparently is serious about trading Kevin Kolb. At the NFL meetings Sunday, a good source told me Reid already has one team willing to offer a first-round pick for Kolb, and now he's looking for a team with a higher choice in the round to make him a better deal.

Peter King in February of this year.

I think, for the 73rd time, there can be no trades until the first day of the new league year, and there can be no free-agency movement for the league's 495 free-agents until then, which almost certainly means there can be no trades or free-market moves 'til there's a new CBA. That's a long way off. So could we please have a moratorium on the Carson Palmer-to-Arizona or San Francisco or anywhere rumors, and can we please stop speculating where Kevin Kolb's going to go? Come on. This stuff's months away.

Naturally, Peter ignores his own statement from February. Peter said in this statement all questions like this should wait until a CBA is reached. Now in March, he brings up these exact same questions.

Andy Reid can keep looking for a higher pick in the 1st round. That's great. Let's look at the draft order and see who is possibly offering Reid a 1st round pick for Kolb.

In picks 20-32...Green Bay, Pittsburgh, New York Jets, Chicago, New England, Atlanta, Baltimore, New Orleans, Indianapolis, and Kansas City are probably out.

Seattle is the likely option there at #25.

In picks 11-20...Tampa Bay, New York Giants, San Diego, New England, St. Louis, Detroit, and Houston are out.

Jacksonville, Miami, and Minnesota are in the running at #16, #15, and #12 respectively.

Here are teams in spots 1-10 that need/want quarterbacks...Carolina, Buffalo, Cincinnati, Arizona, Cleveland, San Francisco, Tennessee, and Washington. I don't see these teams, other than Washington, giving up a Top 10 pick for Kolb.

I really, really doubt Andy Reid can believe he is going to get better than a #12, #15, or #16 for Kolb. So I think the team offering the pick is Seattle. Unless Washington goes after Kolb, which is possible, but other than that I don't see Jacksonville, Miami, and Minnesota as those who have offered a 1st round pick for Kolb...unless Reid is counting on Washington to take another quarterback off his hands.

So my point is that I think Seattle is the team offering the 1st round pick and I think if Jacksonville, Miami, and Minnesota can't be persuaded then Reid won't be getting a higher 1st round pick without the Eagles giving up a pick in the trade as well. Not to mention, Mike Vick isn't the most durable quarterback. It may be better to keep Kolb around.

My take: I'd trade a very high draft pick to acquire Kolb instead of drafting one of the quarterbacks available this year.

How about signing a free agent quarterback and keeping the 1st round pick? If a team has "a very high draft pick" then that team has more than one hole. Don't panic and trade a 1st round pick for a quarterback because this isn't a strong year for quarterbacks in the draft.

I'd want to reduce the risk of making a mistake high in the draft by taking the safe guy with ability? Kolb's 26.

This doesn't make him a safe pick. I don't think Kolb is a safe pick at at all.

He's a coach's son.

Irrelevant.

He's had some struggles running the Eagles offense in his seven career starts, but I saw him ruin the soon-to-be Super Bowl champion Saints with a 391-yard strafing in 2009; he played well enough to rout the playoff-bound Falcons and throw for 326 yards last season.

So a quarterback who has been in a system for four years, yet still struggles running the offense. and has had two great starts in his seven career starts is a safe pick? I don't dislike Kevin Kolb, but I am not sure an inconsistent career thus far in a system he should know well makes him a safe pick.

We've seen him do it. All the rookies have question marks. I know I'd sleep better at night with Kolb on my team this summer.

(Andy Reid slips Peter a $100 bill)

"TONY! TONY! HEYYYY TONY!!!!!''

--A passenger in a car traveling through the Belmont Heights section of Tampa on Saturday about 6 a.m., as he drove past a Cadillac Escalade with the windows rolled up and tinted.

The Escalade was driven by Tampa resident and retired coach Tony Dungy. The only possible way a person could tell it was Dungy's car was by the "O'' window sticker for son Eric's University of Oregon Ducks.

Just another sign of how well-known Dungy is in Tampa.

He's like Jesus, except if Jesus drove an Escalade and thought he was THE moral authority on everything.

With Plaxico Burress due out of jail on a gun charge in June, he's looking for some mentoring.

GEE! I WONDER WHO THE FUCK WILL VOLUNTEER TO MENTOR HIM? I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE RIGHT NOW WHO WOULD DO THIS...

So sometime in the next two weeks, Tony Dungy plans to visit Burress at his upstate New York prison.

Oh, Tony Dungy wants to mentor Burress. I know Dungy is a great guy, I really do. It's becoming more of a cliche than anything else now to hear Dungy is mentoring an athlete.

I've never seen New Orleans look better than it did Sunday. Sunny, 70s, palm trees swaying gently, obnoxious drunks sleeping one off from Saturday night. This town's coming back in a good way.

Because nothing says "city bouncing back" like drunks on the street being obnoxious.

I drove from Orlando to Lakeland (busman's holiday -- Twins at Tigers on Thursday), from Lakeland to Marco Island (NFL players meeting), and from Marco Island to Tampa (to meet up with Tony Dungy, Michael Vick and Dan Patrick for a prison visit). FM radio is a disaster. In four hours in the car Thursday night, I heard "Magic Man'' by Heart twice, and certainly heard more Journey and Styx than the law should allow. It's like the state's stuck in a 1978 musical time warp.

Four responses to Peter's complaints (and this is further proof he just likes complaining...he seems to get off on it):

1. I am sure the car he was driving had a CD player. Go buy a CD and listen to it.

2. Stop listening to radio stations that play 1970's music.

3. Turn the damn channel if you don't like what a station is playing. Yes, I realize I complain about Gus Johnson and I don't turn the station, but if I want to watch some basketball games and have the volume on then I have to hear him yelling and screaming. There aren't always other options for me. I am sure there were other choices available radio stations. If there weren't, go buy a CD to listen to.

4. Someone like Peter King who is obsessed with U2 shouldn't complain about music being played on the radio. When listening to stuff like Styx and Journey at least you can have fun reveling in the corniness of it all. You can't even have fun with U2's music while traveling in the car.

Interesting reaction from an 86ish-year-old lady I was walking behind at Joker Marchant Stadium in Lakeland. Looking at the beer in my hand, she said sternly, "If you spill that beer on me, I'll have you arrested.'' Hmmmm. I see.

Not 80ish-year old lady or a mid-80's year old lady...but an 86-ish year old lady. Let's get this straight. This lady was either 86 and 1 months old or 86 and 11 months old. Somewhere in there, but its hard for Peter to pin down the exact date of her birth, but he knows she was 86 years old.

Also, how close to the lady was Peter walking for her to be concerned about this? Was he right on her ass or stepping on her shoes?

3. I think one of the most fun offenses I've see in my time covering football was Houston's run-and-shoot unit of the '80s, with receivers Heywood Jeffires, Drew Hill and Ernest Givens helping make Warren Moon a star -- and vice versa. Hill died Saturday after falling ill on a golf course. I'll remember him as a dignified hard-worker Moon could rely on when the game was on the line.

Somewhere 9 year old Bengoodfella who loved playing with the Houston Oilers and screaming "Moon-to-Hill!" before throwing the pass to Hill while playing Super Tecmo Bowl is crying inside. Unstoppable. That's what I was with Warren Moon and Drew Hill. Cody Carlson and Drew Hill? Not so much.

The run-and-shoot was never more fun than on Super Tecmo Bowl.

4. I think I'd be more sympathetic about scouts getting financial haircuts during the time of labor uncertainty than coaches. The average scout's salary is far less than that of a coach, and they're the ones with so much at stake in the next five weeks before the draft. Imagine telling a regional scout his salary's being cut 15 percent this week, while he's finalizing his reports on the most important part of this offseason -- the draft.

Imagine American workers having to take a 15% paycut while still having to do their job every single day. I feel bad for the scouts, but I hope Peter realizes people taking paycuts and still having to do their damn job happens all the time.

I think Peter is disconnected from the real world. I'd like to reconnect him sometime. I understand regional scouts may have it bad, but he's telling an audience full of readers who know friends/family/enemies who have taken paycuts in order to keep their job...and they have to keep doing that same job. I am not sure Peter understands this happens in the real world.

7. I think the hero of the week doesn't want to be the hero of the week. John Mara, I mean. Mara and co-owner Steve Tisch of the Giants agreed to let fans forego season-ticket payments until the lockout ends.

Peter isn't pro-owner. He just thinks the owners are heroes for holding off on charging fans for games they may never get to see in person. How brave of the owners to even consider this. Most owners wouldn't want the fact the fans may not get the product they are paying for to get in the way of fucking these fans out of more money.

What a hero John Mara is. Peter King would be on his high horse, if he wasn't so pro-owner, if another columnist called an owner a hero in this instance. Peter would go on and on about our armed forces and how they are our real heroes. Of course, Peter can be a dunce at times so he doesn't realize this.

9. I think one of Sirius Radio's faithful callers, Benny from the Bronx, got quite a surprise the other day. Goodell called him. Goodell sometimes calls avid fans who write or call the league office, and this was one of his calls last week. Benny got quite excited, as he is prone to do when discussing the NFL, and I asked him what Goodell's message was. "He told me, 'Don't take sides,' '' Benny said. In other words, there's going to be football when this thing is over, and you'll still want to love the game when the labor fight is done. So don't go demonizing one side or the other.

But just know the owners are right. That's all Peter wants you to know.

f. Speaking of the Boston area, not sure if the Hub can be feeling really good about the fourth starter (Josh Beckett) and closer (Jonathan Papelbon) combining for an ERA over 12.60 in spring training.

Because we all know spring training statistics are absolutely an indication of what type of year a player will have.

Also, I have no idea how Peter got this statistic. On the day he wrote this, Monday, Papelbon had a 12.60 ERA and Beckett had a 5.02 ERA. I guess Peter is right, but Papelbon has a 12.60 ERA himself. The Braves top four starters have a combined spring training ERA of 8.04! Panic time!

g. Mesmerized by the TV in midweek. I weep for Japan.

John Mara is a true hero.

h. And then I just learned the other night we're at war with Libya. Sort of. How many wars can we be in at once? Is there a rule? If not, could we invent one?

Peter's MMQB is in a weekly war me in regard to my ability to stay sane and have low blood pressure.