Wednesday, January 23, 2013

5 comments MMQB Review: Peter King Berates a Cab Driver Edition

Peter King is a sad little man right now. Matty Iccccccccccccccccce and Tom Brady are not meeting in the Super Bowl. The good news is that Peter said he missed the road last week in MMQB, so maybe he can take a road trip over the next 10 or so days down to New Orleans to enjoy the joys of traveling, which for Peter King means bitching about terrible hotel coffee and anything else that gets in the way of his otherwise perfect existence. The even more good news is there are two other stories that Peter can help play out and run into the ground over the next couple of weeks. It appears the Harbaugh Brothers are meeting in the Super Bowl and the Super Bowl will be Ray Lewis' final NFL game...even though we have celebrated his final NFL game for the past three weeks, this time we mean it. As far as the Harbaugh Brothers meeting up in the Super Bowl, I want to go on record as saying I don't care to hear what their father or mother has to say about it and even if some stupid journalist asks them who they are cheering for they will say neither team and that they are both winners and losers because one of their children has to lose. And yes, Peter is already calling it HarBowl in an effort to make all of his readers hate him. I don't entirely get why Peter is among those who insist on shoving this storyline down our throat. Does Peter sit back and think, "I need to call this HarBowl because no one else will have thought about that angle for this game?"

The Niners are back. Hard to believe it's been 18 years since Steve Young threw six touchdown passes to shred the Chargers, then mimed having a monkey on his back while begging Harris Barton to rip it off, only to throw up a Gatorade/cookie mix all over agent Leigh Steinberg's shoes in the postgame.

Yes, it uh, does feel like a while since that happened...I guess.

The Ravens are back, 12 years after their last Super Bowl, the 34-7 rout of the Giants, the Ray Lewis MVP Super Bowl. We'll see if Lewis can do what Tony Gonzalez couldn't do this season, and what John Elway, Jerome Bettis and Michael Strahan did do in recent seasons: Go out a winner in his last football game.

But it doesn't really matter to Tony Gonzalez that he didn't go out a winner, because he isn't going to be judged by that since he isn't a quarterback. Get with it Peter, Tony is the guy who said this to you. Tony Gonzalez doesn't care his team didn't win because his legacy is secure with his individual achievements. Team. Player. 

And there's the little matter of the HarBowl,

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Make this go away.

The HarBowl ... Harbaugh: "I can't even get my arms around it. My dad said something to me -- my mom's and dad's parents are immigrants, salt-of-the-earth people.

Well, in theory we all are immigrants in one way or another, but carry on.

They treasure America;

This is as opposed to Bill Belichick's parents who are Communists and raised Bill to hate America, but unfortunately he ended up hating all of mankind instead.

I hope people can see what an incredible moment this is for our country.

Well that seems reasonable to say. Yes, the Harbaughs meeting in the Super Bowl is a shining moment for America. I'm just glad to hear John Harbaugh isn't letting this attention go to his head and not taking his and his brother's achievement and blowing it out of proportion. John Harbaugh sees no reason he and his brother meeting in the Super Bowl won't help to bring world peace.

We might be sick of John Harbaugh and his little brother Jim in two weeks -- heck, maybe in two hours -- but the story is too good. Sons of a coach. Jim was Baltimore's quarterback in 1998 (22nd-rated quarterback in the league: Jim Harbaugh, 72.9; 23rd: Peyton Manning, 71.2), 

For someone like me whose entire world revolves around Peyton Manning this is a very interesting fact.

NFC: The South almost rose again.

Nice headline Peter. I think Peter's opinion of the United States outside of his neighborhood is very much skewed.

Moral of the story: You can slip on some incuts against some teams, and you can muff a perfectly good snap against some teams, and you can survive. But San Francisco is not just some team.

They aren't just some team, they are the team that helped create an incredible moment for our country. Honestly, I'm just pissed off Obama's inauguration in some way may have overshadowed this fantastic moment for the United States.

Last year, the Niners collapsed under the weight of the Kyle Williams fumbles in the championship game loss to the Giants. This year, they survived the Michael Crabtree lost fumble at the Atlanta 1 early in the fourth quarter. Survived, and shrugged it off; five minutes later, they scored the winning touchdown.

It helps that the 49ers were playing the chokingest of choking playoff teams in the Atlanta Falcons.

"I guess you really shut up Skip Bayless today!'' the guy said to Flacco.

No, nothing can shut up Skip Bayless, unless someone cut out his tongue. I'm not suggesting someone cut out Skip Bayless' tongue, but it would prevent him from talking. Obviously it would be terrible if someone cut Skip Bayless' tongue out, but that would shut him up...you know, if there was someone who wanted to do this.

Flacco just turned 28 the other day. And he's already won more road playoff games, six, than any quarterback ever to play. Even if you limit that to the playoff-expansion era, it means he has more road playoff wins than Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Brett Favre, John Elway, Dan Marino and whoever else you want to throw in there.

This is an impressive statistic, but it also reflects the fact the Ravens haven't been good enough in the regular season to get a home playoff game. Again, it is an impressive statistic, but for a quarterback who has been in the NFL for five years and has six road playoff wins with one Super Bowl appearance it also means his team hasn't had many home playoff games.

So it's Nevada versus Delaware, in Ray Lewis' last game, in a brother-versus-brother Super Bowl, with the 49ers back in the saddle baby.

Leave it to Peter King to sum up all the storylines I don't like in one sentence.

Maybe they're just not good enough. Tom Brady was 27 years old when New England last won a Super Bowl. He'll be 36 when next season starts. Bill Belichick will be 61. Exactly how many more chances will these two men have to win a fourth Super Bowl before retiring? Belichick has shown no signs of wanting to quit. Brady continues to say he wants to play until he's 40 -- at least.

Yes, maybe the Patriots just aren't good enough. Five Super Bowl appearances since 2001 and two straight Conference Championship appearances isn't "good enough" now. I don't know how many chances the Patriots will have before Belichick/Brady retire, but the idea they aren't "good enough" seems pretty stupid to me.

All well and good. But in a flat-cap era, New England will have to figure out whether to pay Wes Welker $11.4 million this year as a franchise player, or some other number with a multi-year deal. They'll have to figure out if Rob Gronkowski is simply unlucky or injury-prone.

Yes, the Patriots should decide whether to keep Rob Gronkowski or not. What about Tom Brady? Should the Patriots trade him and not keep Gronkowski too? Personally, I say don't get rid of either of them, but I'm also not trying to make it seem like the Patriots will never win another playoff game.

In this day and age, with Ben Roethlisberger, Drew Brees, Flacco, Cam Newton, Peyton Manning and Matt Ryan on the schedule next year, New England has to get better in the secondary, or risk Brady's career being played out without winning another title. Playoff record since the last Super Bowl: 8-7.

Imagine how many playoff games the Patriots would have won since 2004 if they didn't win their division and got to play in the Wild Card round during the playoffs. The Patriots screw up by winning the division and then having to play higher quality teams in the Divisional and Conference Championship playoff round.

Julio Jones might be a more talented Michael Irvin.

Or he might not be. There's that too. I guess Peter is still very excited about over-reacting on a weekly basis to what happened the Sunday before. Colin Kaepernick might be more talented than Joe Montana. Maybe. Possibly. It's too soon to tell, but it's probably true.

I've noticed that about Jones, how he can use his hands subtly to move corners off him. For a man as fast as Jones is, to have the physical part of the game down pat at the end of his second season ... well, Atlanta's got a great player for the future.

I like how Peter is basically crediting Julio Jones for being able to commit offensive pass interference without the officials calling it. He wasn't subtly moving the corner off him, he was extending his arms and pushing Tarell Brown away so he could make the catch.

Arians, after a lifetime of NFL assistant jobs, took the interim Colts job while Pagano battled leukemia, went 9-3 in the process, and got the final available coaching job Friday when the Cardinals named him to replace Ken Whisenhunt. I asked him one of the more uncomfortable questions I'd asked anyone in a while: Do you realize you probably wouldn't have gotten this job if your friend didn't get leukemia?

No Peter, Bruce Arians completely missed this point. I'm glad you are here to make Bruce Arians feel like a shit about it though. I'm sure it never dawned on Bruce Arians he only got to be the interim head coach of the Colts because Chuck Pagano had leukemia. Peter King obviously thinks Bruce Arians isn't smart enough to think about this fact.

And Polian must have done a good job, because Te'o accepted Notre Dame's scholarship offer. But my point is, imagine being a kid in high school and knowing some poor guy weekly is schlepping thousands of miles to watch you play a football game, then turning right around and flying back -- and I'm sure Brian Polian wasn't the only coach from the mainland doing that. Imagine feeling so entitled and at age 16 and 17 knowing people would take care of any little problem you had to attend their school. He's certainly not the only one, but I've always thought so many of these privileged kids don't learn to think on their own, or make smart decisions on their own; the decisions are mostly made for them.

So when something like this phony girlfriend thing comes along, and you've got some idiot hoaxer filling your head with lies, how do you know they're lies?

I don't completely get how Manti Te'o and his being privileged as a high-profile college athlete means he would be more liable to fall for a hoax where he falls in love with a woman who doesn't actually exist. In fact, I would think it would end up being the exact opposite. Te'o could have many of the women that he wants, so I would think he would be less prone to falling in love with a woman who doesn't exist and he doesn't get to see on a regular basis. From what I have know, a high-profile college football player would want to fall in love with a girl he can (a) see everyday or (b) gives him sex a lot. I think Te'o would be less prone to believing these lies since he could have plenty of other women and could get bored in a relationship with a person he doesn't see face-to-face. That could be just me though.

"I don't know what the answer is,'' a downcast Tony Dungy said Saturday night. "I just know the system is broken."

Look: It's not only minority candidates who should feel snubbed this morning. Cincinnati defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer got robbed too.

One white guy didn't get an NFL head coaching job and Peter equates this to zero minority candidates being hired for NFL head coaching or GM jobs. It's equivalent as long you don't think too hard about it and your name is Peter King.

Bruce Arians almost did -- he filled the last opening, Arizona, and was a bit incredulous that he was interviewed in only two of eight places after stepping into a very difficult situation in Indy this year and going 9-3 as an interim coach.

OH MY GOD! How did Arians handle only getting two interviews and then eventually being hired for an NFL job? This is terrible. Clearly Arians knows exactly how qualified minorities feel when it comes time to being hired as an NFL head coach. Sure, he eventually got an NFL job, but he was so pissed he only got two interviews. What a travesty. So he knows exactly how those minorities who didn't get an NFL head coaching job or coaching interview at all may feel.

According to research by my SI NFL writer friend Jim Trotter, 55 teams have won 10 games or more in the last five seasons, and Smith is the only one to have been fired the year he won double-digits. (Tony Dungy retired from the Colts after the 2008 season, but it was his choice.) Smith, after getting released by the Bears, had three interviews and no offers.

Yes, but what has Lovie Smith done as an NFL head coach? Bruce Arians went 9-3 as interim head coach and ONLY got two job interviews. Arians coached for 12 games as an NFL head coach, but he got two job interviews, while Smith coached with the Bears for nine years and had a career record of 81-63. He got three job interviews. What else did Arians need to prove over 12 games? He's clearly a better coach than Lovie Smith.

Worse, I think, is that candidates like Perry Fewell, Jim Caldwell and David Shaw don't get a sniff. 

These are pretty bad examples Peter. Perry Fewell is coming off coordinating a Giants defense that didn't play well and Jim Caldwell wasn't exactly inspiring confidence as the Colts head coach two years ago when coming off a 2-14 season. David Shaw insisted he wanted to stay at Stanford, so he would probably have declined any NFL opportunities offered to him. There has to be better examples.

"I think everybody is a little disappointed,'' Hue Jackson said Sunday. He's African-American, and he coached the Raiders to an 8-8 record in his one year as a head coach, 2011. "All you want and all you ask for is hope. You believe there's going to be a chance. I think we [minorities] can accept if we're not chosen, but if you're not chosen, you want to believe it was a level playing field. And when Perry Fewell wins the Super Bowl last year and doesn't get an interview this year, and when Jim Caldwell, with his record, doesn't get an interview ... I just would like to be sure it's fair for everyone."

Hue Jackson deserved the Carolina Panthers offensive coordinator position that was open, but I don't think we can look at the Jim Caldwell from two weeks ago and say he should have gotten another shot at being an NFL head coach. The one year he didn't have Peyton Manning as his quarterback he went 2-14. I can see why teams didn't hire him or grant him an interview.

Fine Fifteen

1. Baltimore (13-6). You beat Peyton Manning and Tom Brady on the road on successive weekends, and you deserve the top spot heading into the HarBowl.

Make it stop. Make it stop. It's been less than 48 hours and I am already tired of the HarBowl. Does it really make sense to rank the NFL teams once the playoffs start? It's not like the teams will change rankings that much since fewer and fewer teams are playing every week as the playoffs move forward.

5 through 15, in order: Seattle, Houston, Denver, Green Bay, Washington, Indianapolis, Minnesota, Cincinnati, Chicago, New York Giants, St. Louis. They didn't play this week. Which you probably know.

Exactly. As I was saying, it is pretty pointless to rank fifteen NFL teams after the regular season ends. The four teams that played this past weekend will be in spots 1-4 with the winners of the Conference Championship Games being in spots #1 and #2.

Defensive Player of the Week

Bernard Pollard, strong safety, Baltimore. The renowned Patriots basher (Tom Brady's knee, Wes Welker's knee, Rob Gronkowski's ankle) did it again with the game on the line Sunday night. With Baltimore hanging on to a 21-13 lead with 13 minutes left and New England driving, running back Stevan Ridley was leveled by Pollard, knocking Ridley woozy and causing him to fumble.

The reason Ridley fumbled the football is because he got knocked-the-fuck-out. Basically Peter is giving Bernard Pollard this fake award for injuring another NFL player. There has to be a better defensive player over this past weekend.

Goat of the Week

Bill Belichick, coach, New England. It didn't mean the difference between winning and losing -- and there wasn't one single play in Sunday's two title games that did lead to a loss -- but Belichick's decision to punt from the Baltimore 34 with the Pats up 13-7 was a haunting one. 

The Patriots chose to play it safe and verily they lost the game. The decision to not punt in this situation told the Patriots that Belichick was playing not to lose and not playing to win. This made the Patriots play worse. Not to mention, John Harbaugh was not wearing a hood over his head during the game and Belichick was wrapped up like it was mid-winter. The coach who wears less clothing always wins the game. It's a rule that is true unless it isn't true.

(Just thought I would get all of Gregg Easterbrook's talking points out of the way now before I read TMQ. Not only is Easterbrook's writing terrible, but it is also predictable. What a terrible combination.)

Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me

According to the Associated Press, the bachelor home Chip Kelly leaves behind in Eugene contains 5.5 bathrooms, an indoor basketball court and an indoor pool.

This running MMQB item should be called "Factoid of the Week that Helps to Kill Space."

Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week

I got into a taxi on the east side of Manhattan Thursday about 4:45 p.m. and said to the driver: "LaGuardia Airport. Delta Airlines."

In the following group of sentences you will get to see Peter King berate a cab driver who was on the first of the job. Because why would someone who is trying to support his family on a cab driver's pay NOT deserve to be berated on his first day on the job?

The driver began fooling with a GPS on the front dash, typing in "L-A-G-W-A-R'' -- and I say, "Can I help you?''

"Sorry, sir,'' the slightly accented Indian fellow said. "First day on the job. Putting it in GPS.''

 Two things:

1. The guy is using a GPS, so at least he knows he doesn't know his way around very well.

2. Mentioning the guy has a slight Indian accent isn't racist, but it is completely unnecessary. It's a detail that has no bearing on the story other than to draw attention to the fact this man may not have been a United States citizen. Why is the cab driver's ethnicity of the story important? It isn't, yet Peter mentions it. Why would that be I wonder?

He was a timid driver, I could tell, driving slowly and getting honked at, and then driving slower. We got through the tunnel and I said, "You'll see a sign up here for LaGuardia.'' So he headed for the exit and got on the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway ... and then, inexplicably, he got off at the first exit. Not the exit for LaGuardia. "Sorry,'' he said. "I thought this was the way."

I don't see how this cab driver missed the exit since Peter's directions of "up here" were so clear and all.

"Terminal D,'' I said. "'D' as in dog. For Delta."

Again, this was his first day on the job, not his first day on the planet. There's no need to speak down to him unless you are trying to be an asshole. He's nervous and clearly doesn't know what he is doing. The polite thing to do would be to not berate him or just ask him to pull over so you can grab another cab...which Peter eventually did, but not before acting like a jerk.

I was by now on the phone with an NFL general manager, talking about the news of the day, and I asked him to hold on a second.

"No!'' I said. "Not Terminal A. Terminal D. 'D' like dog.''

"This is Delta,'' he said.

So let's sum it up really quickly. It's clear this driver has no fucking clue where he's going. That's on him, even on his first day of work. Peter knows this driver has no idea where he is going and chooses to GET ON THE PHONE rather than bite the bullet and help this guy find his way to the airport. Does it occur to Peter that possible getting on the phone will further distract this cab driver? Yes, the driver isn't very competent at this point in his cab-driving career, but isn't that the very reason not to get on the damn phone? Me thinks so.

So he went around the front of Terminal A, turned around, and went back toward the main road leading past the airport, Grand Central Parkway, and I told him to take a left so we could get back closer to the other terminals. Instead, he did a U-turn. And went back to Terminal A.

Had to hang up.

Peter had to hang up? Did he report his having to hang up to the police? Clearly the cab driver was violating Peter's right to be on the phone.

"Sir, forget your GPS now.'' I directed him back out to the road where he could get to Terminal D. By now, he was totally confused and nervous, driving in the right lane, slowly. We came to a fork in the access road to the terminals. To the left was Terminal B, C or D. To the right was Grand Central Parkway West. I said nothing. Do you actually have to say something there?

The driver hesitated. He jigged left, then pulled the wheel right -- onto the ramp for the Grand Central Parkway back into Manhattan.

"Jesus,'' I said. "You're going to have to pull over now.''

You can't get any good help these days. This is why Peter needs a personal driver to get him to the airport. Is that too much to ask?

He pulled over to the curb, not quite onto the highway yet, and I paid him and got out. "Sir,'' I said, "you're going to have to learn how to do this job before you pick anyone else up."

"I am so sorry sir! So sorry! So sorry! My first day!''

Did he say this in an Indian accent? Fucking immigrants! AmrightorwhatPeter?

So how exactly is he going to learn to do the job if he isn't out driving people around? Is he supposed to roam the streets of New York not picking up any passengers? That's not a very good way to make tips or not make any money at all. This driver clearly needs to do his job better, but the only way to do that is get out and pick up passengers.

Last week Peter wanted to get all of the baristas in the world together so he could show them the proper way to do their job and this week he is telling cab drivers how to do their job. How does Peter do it? How does Peter know how to do everyone else's job so damn well? It takes someone who is either (a) really, really full of themselves or (b) a really, really smart person. I will let you guess which one Peter is. 

I took my rolling suitcase out of the backseat, put my backpack on, and walked 10 or 12 minutes through the parking lots into Terminal D. 

A rolling suitcase AND a backpack? Was there no room for a fanny pack around your waist or would that have looked silly while wearing sandals with socks on?

1. I think this is what I liked about championship weekend:

c. Julio Jones, making GM Thomas Dimitroff's 2011 mega-trade look pretty good.

That trade looked good for the Falcons way before Jones played like he did in the first half of the NFC Championship Game.

f. The 49ers, getting back on top the right way -- through player development and smart risk-taking.

So if this is "the right way," what is the "wrong way" to get back on top and make it to the Super Bowl? I would say any method a team used to make the Super Bowl seems like the right way to me.

m. Love the Patriots' no-huddle. Such a good team up-tempo. Twenty-six plays in the first quarter. They had to know that would gas the Ravens.

It's almost like this is the entire reason the Patriots used the no-huddle. Can't get anything by Peter King can you? 

n. Alfonzo Dennard, the seventh-round cornerback from Nebraska, playing physically and with confidence after Aqib Talib went out injured. Big character question coming out last April, but certainly looks like he was worth the risk.

Two or three times in this MMQB Peter talks about how the Patriots need to improve their secondary outside of Talib, yet he seems to think Alfonzo Dennard was worth the risk and is playing well. So the Patriots have two good corners who should play a full season in 2013 for the Patriots, isn't that a good start to improving the secondary?

2. I think this is what I didn't like about championship weekend:

d. We all said David Akers would wound the Niners at some point, and he did. Doink.

e. Don't taunt the kicker, Falcons. Bush.

Maybe the reason the Falcons taunted Akers is because he wounded the Niners at that point in the game with a field attempt that went "doink."

g. Wes Welker's key drop.

Otherwise known as Bill Simmons' ready-made excuse that will lead to him doing excessive amounts of whining about how cursed and he and his favorite NFL team are.

3. I think the most underplayed story of the week that was in coaching musical chairs was this: Bruce Arians out as Indy's offensive coordinator, Pep Hamilton in. Arians hated the short-passing West Coast offense. Hamilton, as Stanford's offensive coordinator, embraced it and coached it. So Andrew Luck, who had Hamilton as his offensive coordinator in 2011 at Stanford, will go from throwing deep under Arians to a modified West Coast scheme with some deep throws under Hamilton.

Luck was a 71 percent passer at Stanford in 2011, 54.1 percent at the Colts last year. Under Hamilton, it'll be surprising if isn't in the mid- to high-60s next season.

I would be quite surprised if Luck's completion percentage improved by 10-15%. I know Luck is a more accurate passer than he showed this year, but that's quite a jump from one year to the next against NFL defenses who have had an entire offseason to scout his tendencies.

4. I think if you have a chance, and you care about the Packers, you should find Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel beat man Bob McGinn's rankings of Green Bay's individual players. His takes are bracingly honest. Like the one on wide receiver Greg Jennings: "Will be 30 early next season, has missed 11 of the last 22 games due to injury and in all probability will be allowed to walk in March as an unrestricted free agent. Averaged merely 10.5 yards per catch, including 4.3 after the catch. Early in season as a slot, there were times it seemed he was just looking for a place to fall down. Just how strong his market value will be could hinge on how much stock scouts put on his superb performance at Minnesota in the regular-season finale. Gifted, precise runner still offers vertical stretch. There are just too many other capable players at his position and too many players at other positions that must be paid. Grade: C-plus.''

9. I think Miami GM Jeff Ireland is going to have his choice of quality wide receiver free agents: Mike Wallace, Greg Jennings. I'll be very surprised if Miami doesn't sign one of them, being $35-million-plus under the cap when the free agency season kicks off in March.

It can be pretty dangerous when an NFL team has a lot of salary cap room and an obvious need. That's a good way to overpay for a player. I'm talking about Greg Jennings specifically. I'm all about getting Ryan Tannehill some receivers, but depending on how much it costs to get Jennings I don't know if he is the right answer for the Dolphins.

10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:

a. Happy Inauguration Day, America.

Well, it's also Martin Luther King Day. The fact Peter referred to the inauguration of an African-American President on Martin Luther King Day as "Inauguration Day" amuses me.

e. Al Pacino. Joe Paterno. What is wrong with this picture?

g. Joe Posnanski has to be honored that Michael Corleone's going to play a role he wrote, though.

Yes, Joe Posnanski wrote the role of Joe Paterno since Paterno wasn't a real person or anything.

h. Coffeenerdness: So I spent part of Friday and Saturday mornings (longer Saturday) writing in a very user-friendly Starbucks in the coolio Buckhead neighborhood north of Atlanta. And at a table in the corner on Saturday was a regular, an older man reading the paper a little after 7. He was joined by a pal around 8:30. Then, around 9, an apparent stranger to both, a woman, happened by and they began talking. They stayed until 10:30. I thought how great that was that three people could converse for that long and solve the problems of the world. I also thought: I don't think I've ever ambled into a bar or coffee place thinking I was staying five minutes and staying an hour and a half or so after some happenstance meeting with strangers. Imagine having the time to be able to do that. It's foreign to me. I'm missing something, aren't I?

Maybe. Perhaps the reason nobody comes and talks to you is because you spend most of your time in public berating people, leering at other people and talking on your cell phone while bitching about others and what they choose to do in public. Nobody wants to talk to a person whose face is staring directly either at them or a computer for three hours.

p. I hope Dawn Hochsprung School is next, somewhere; she was the principal who was murdered when she charged killer Adam Lanza moments after he broke into the school. And I hope Anne Marie Murphy School comes soon too. Her body was found shielding young children from the killer they couldn't escape. And school psychologist Mary Scherlach too. And the others ... honor them all. Never forget.

The fact Peter King says "never forget" and then has to tell his readers who Dawn Hochsprung and Anne Marie Murphy are doesn't strike him as ironic does it?

The Adieu Haiku

August office pools:
Who had Flacco, Kaep this far?
Relax. No one did.


These haikus never get any better. Maybe one day someone will berate Peter King and tell him how to do his job correctly. Actually people do that on Twitter a lot and Peter just responds loftily to them as if they don't know how hard his job truly is and have no right to tell him how to do his job. I wish the cab driver or a group of baristas would do this when Peter tries to tell them how to do their job. 

5 comments:

Snarf said...

And Polian must have done a good job, because Te'o accepted Notre Dame's scholarship offer. But my point is, imagine being a kid in high school and knowing some poor guy weekly is schlepping thousands of miles to watch you play a football game, then turning right around and flying back -- and I'm sure Brian Polian wasn't the only coach from the mainland doing that. Imagine feeling so entitled and at age 16 and 17 knowing people would take care of any little problem you had to attend their school. He's certainly not the only one, but I've always thought so many of these privileged kids don't learn to think on their own, or make smart decisions on their own; the decisions are mostly made for them.

Imagine reading this portion, never (or very rarely) having left your home state or region for whatever reason, about some "poor guy" who has to "schlepp" thousands of miles to Hawaii to recruit a football player. Screw those assholes in middle America working on farms, guys working on deepwater oil rigs, firefighters, etc. they have no idea how good they've got it. Coincidentally Peter complains about being on the road all of the time, yet misses it when he's not on it. You know what? I was going to try and make a bigger point out of this, but screw Peter.

"I don't know what the answer is,'' a downcast Tony Dungy said Saturday night. "I just know the system is broken."

Look: It's not only minority candidates who should feel snubbed this morning. Cincinnati defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer got robbed too.


One white guy didn't get an NFL head coaching job and Peter equates this to zero minority candidates being hired for NFL head coaching or GM jobs. It's equivalent as long you don't think too hard about it and your name is Peter King.

While I agree with your sentiments that they are not analagous in the slightest, I don't think we need to lament no minority coaches being hired. I honestly believe the NFL is a meritocracy in the truest sense of the word and-White or Black-you will be rewarded for hard work and talent.

Worse, I think, is that candidates like Perry Fewell, Jim Caldwell and David Shaw don't get a sniff.

Further, while I can't comment on Fewell and Shaw's situations, Caldwell was just promoted to OC of the Ravens, taking a white guy's (Cam Cameron) job (Let me clarify that in no way do I care the race of any of these guys, just trying to point out the absurdity of this sob story; at least as it's presented by Peter). Also, as you mentioned, is he supposed to instantly be rehired following that 2-14 year in Indy?

Snarf said...

The driver began fooling with a GPS on the front dash, typing in "L-A-G-W-A-R'' -- and I say, "Can I help you?''

"Sorry, sir,'' the slightly accented Indian fellow said. "First day on the job. Putting it in GPS.''


Two things:

1. The guy is using a GPS, so at least he knows he doesn't know his way around very well.

2. Mentioning the guy has a slight Indian accent isn't racist, but it is completely unnecessary. It's a detail that has no bearing on the story other than to draw attention to the fact this man may not have been a United States citizen. Why is the cab driver's ethnicity of the story important? It isn't, yet Peter mentions it. Why would that be I wonder?


I've hinted at it before and I'll say it again, Peter is one of those people that thinks he is Mr. post-racial, super-cultured, etc, but in reality his actions are probably just as ignorant as those of some "Rising again" Southerners he comments on all of the time. Honestly, pointing out cultural differences or even aknowledging difficulties in interactions with others not like you is fine, but be honest about it. I guarentee if someone else was travelling in the vicinity of Peter and started speaking slow and loudly to an Indian cabby to give directions, he'd be lambasting them in his column as the height of ignorance.

A rolling suitcase AND a backpack? Was there no room for a fanny pack around your waist or would that have looked silly while wearing sandals with socks on?

Honestly started laughing out loud a bit to this one. Needed to take a break as I'm at work.

m. Love the Patriots' no-huddle. Such a good team up-tempo. Twenty-six plays in the first quarter. They had to know that would gas the Ravens.

Verily this allowed them to, with the assistance of the football gods of course, to wraught an offensive onslaught onto the Nevermores in the second half, right?

Eric C said...

As far as Peter and his cab driver goes, I've driven my fiance to LaGuardia, and it's a pain. There is a shuttle from Terminal A to D because people make that same mistake all the time. And, to be fair to the cabbie, Delta does service out of Terminal A and C as well. Map
here. It's just like Peter not to mention that he took him to a terminal with signs for Delta, just the wrong one. Honest mistake.

I read they are thinking about considering expanding the Rooney Rule to include coordinator positions. It makes sense to me that if minorities can't get coordinator positions, they won't become qualified to become head coaches.

But then again, if they can't get opportunities to coach linebackers or secondary, will they be qualified to be a coordinator? If the NFL did some sort of workshop (and who knows, they might) for retiring players highlighting how to stay in the game, that would be nice. I'm looking at the Giants 2006 roster, and you would expect someone like Plaxico Burress or Amani Toomer does not need to coach with the money they made, but what happened to Harry Williams, or E.J. Underwood, or Tim Carter? Assuming most of them have a college degree and experience playing in the NFL, there should be a way for people to transition to coaching.

I don't know if it is racism, I think it is nepotism. I see a league where Rex and Rob Ryan have jobs because in part who their father was. Rex got his first graduate assistantship as a favor to Buddy, and both of them got their first NFL jobs with their father as the coach. You've seen that with Dick and Mike Nolan, Bum and Wade Phillips, Don and Mike & Dave Shula, Jim Mora and Jim Mora. Jay Gruden got his start under his dad in Tampa, Monte and Lane Kiffin, and John Fassell coordinating special teams in St. Louis after getting his start with his pop in Baltimore.

On current staffs, I see Steve Belichick as an assistant coach for the Patriots, Kevin Gilbride Jr. coaching Giants wide receivers, Kyle Shanahan coordinating his dad's offense, and a Nate Carroll as a defensive assistant on Pete's staff.

(and this is an interesting list Nice to see former Giants represented on the Bills staff!)

I am not sure if an expanded Rooney Rule fixes that. People get opportunities based on who they know.

Bengoodfella said...

Snarf, I couldn't help but think that anyone who has to go to Hawaii for any purpose deserves none of my sympathy. Hawaii is awesome.

I don't think the NFL is a real meritocracy in some ways. I agree with Eric there is a lot of nepotism and favoritism for those who have relatives who coached in the NFL. I am looking at you Todd Haley. I think Hue Jackson deserved a bigger look than he got, but I'm not sure what's holding him back.

I thought Peter used bad examples. I wouldn't touch Jim Caldwell with a ten foot poll. Perry Fewell was a great candidate, but his D is perceived as underachieving this past year and David Shaw ain't living college yet. Bad examples. He has to do better to prove his point.

I agree with you and think that Peter believes himself to be very cultured, but he has his biases like everyone else. I thought it was interesting he pointed out the cabbie was Indian. In this story, I think it only served to try and help prove his point that this man was clueless. That's just my speculation, but I think PK included it as a way of saying, "This guy barely spoke English and didn't know what he was doing," whether he consciously or unconsciously knew what he was doing.

I thought it was funny to hear he had a rolling suitcase. A lot of people have them, but the site made laugh a bit.

Clearly the guy didn't how to do his job well yet, so Peter should have stopped and grabbed another cab. He also could have refrained from being on the phone in order to make the driver a little less nervous. If Peter was really worried the cabbie was lost, why did he get on the phone.

My old roommate used to say, "It's who you know and who you blow." What you are suggesting is a form of the good ol' boys network and it is hard for some minority coaches to enter it. I think Jim Fassel deserves another shot and he isn't a minority. A lot of it is nepotism, as well as NFL teams simply going to the same dry well again (i.e. the hiring of Mike Shula and anything dealing with Todd Haley).

I think a workshop would be a good idea. Not just for minorities, but also a way to keep retired players involved in the game in some capacity. I don't see it as a bad thing.

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