Monday, December 23, 2013

2 comments Gregg Easterbrook is Back from His Bye Week and Writing Only 40% of TMQ about Football

We have had a two week reprieve from TMQ. Gregg took his "bye week" last week and now he is back with more TMQ to annoy the eyes and sensibilities of his readers. When Gregg last crapped out some semi-football related material he was telling us about the new "Authentic Wins" metric that he had created to determine which teams would meet in the Super Bowl. Of course this metric will change from week-to-week based on each NFL team's changing record, but who am I to question a metric that is supposed to make a prediction on which teams will participate in the Super Bowl, but these teams could change from week-to-week? If the point is to predict what teams will participate in the Super Bowl then the "Authentic Wins" metric is useless because this prediction could change constantly and essentially ends up being just a fancy way of guessing the Super Bowl participants. This week Gregg discusses the low football IQ of the Dallas Cowboys (after all Jason Garrett went to Princeton so he should be smart, which means he should be football smart, but we all know from reading TMQ that being smart doesn't mean a person is football smart) and updates us on "The Blacklist" and all of his complaints about the show. The good news it is almost Christmas, which means we don't have to deal with Christmas Creep on a weekly basis anymore.

Multiple choice question on the entrance examination for Princeton University:
When holding a big lead in the second half, a football team should:
1. Keep the clock moving.
2. Run the ball.
3. Employ clock-management tactics.
4. Pass, pass, pass, pass!

I'd love to know what "clock-management tactics" are. Isn't that running the ball and keeping the clock moving? Outside of playing prevent defense and keeping the opposing team's offense in front of your defense so the clock continues to run, what other "clock-management tactics" is Gregg aware of? I'd love to see this expounded upon.

Apparently Dallas Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett, a Princeton grad, chose Answer 4. How else to explain the Boys' epic collapse versus the Green Bay Packers?

The two interceptions thrown by Tony Romo certainly didn't help.

The turnovers provided the visitors the ball and incompletions stopped the clock, allowing Green Bay time for a comeback that resulted in a lead with 1:31 remaining. Had Dallas simply run up the middle for no gain rather than throwing incompletions, the Cowboys would have prevailed.

YOU DON'T KNOW THIS FOR SURE! Stop saying a team "would have prevailed" had they chosen a different tactic. Yes, the Cowboys probably would have had a much better chance of winning the game had they run the ball and run the clock down more, but if Dallas just ran up the middle for no gain then they may not have won the game. The Cowboys did score 10 points in the second half, so if they had run up the middle for no gain then they would have also ended the game with 10 fewer points.

"We probably could have run the ball more," Garrett declared after the game. No kidding! The Boys have 21 coaches, and this apparently did not occur to any of them at the time.

Absolutely the Cowboys should have run the ball more, but running the ball up the middle for no gain would not have definitely won the game for the Cowboys. Also, it doesn't matter how many coaches a team has, because only 1-2 coaches are responsible for calling the offensive plays and designing the offensive game plan. It's not like the strength and conditioning coach is asked his opinion on the offensive play-calling in the middle of a game.

Game in and game out, the Dallas Cowboys, led by a Princeton graduate and representing the state that is the center of American football culture, display low football IQ.

The upper Northwest is the center of American football until Gregg needs that center to be Texas again. Much like Gregg's opinion on whether offenses will continue to dominate defenses, Gregg's opinion changes based on the point he wants to prove.

There's something beyond low football IQ in the latest Cowboys meltdown. Postgame, Garrett noted that in the second half, Green Bay kept one of its safeties near the line of scrimmage, anticipating rush -- why on Earth would the Packers expect that? -- which made passing plays attractive. It's true that only one safety "high" is a look any quarterback would like. But the Cowboys didn't need to make passing plays, they needed to keep the clock ticking!

I agree with Gregg's point. I will mention that if the Cowboys had continued to run the football for no gain with a Packers safety near the line of scrimmage and the Packers still made a comeback to win the game then Gregg would state the Cowboys should have thrown the ball more. I know Gregg would have written this because he's so outcome-oriented. Gregg would have written the Cowboys got a lead by passing the ball and they need to take advantage of the Packers having a safety near the line of scrimmage and continue passing the ball. Gregg doesn't care about consistency. He cares about using hindsight to tell his readers what a team should have done if only they had access to the same hindsight Gregg has access to.

In their October home loss to the Broncos, the Cowboys took possession with the game tied, 2:39 remaining, holding all their timeouts. High-IQ football would be to work the ball slowly down the field, exhaust the clock and kick the winning field goal with seconds showing.

The Cowboys had the ball on their own 20 yard line and had averaged 3.6 yards per carry during the game. Sure, maybe they should have run the ball once or so, but they would have to go fifty yards to get into field goal range where Garrett would feel comfortable Dan Bailey could hit the game-winning field goal. Even with three timeouts the Cowboys can't slowly work their way down the field and hope to gain fifty yards by running the football.

Of course being in the NFC East, they remain very much alive. If the NFL East title comes down to the low-IQ Cowboys at the anything-can-happen Eagles on Dec. 29, one of the wackiest games ever may be in store.

Gregg uses the word "wacky" way too often. He needs to find a synonym for "wacky" and start using that word.

In other football news, the Miami Dolphins defeated the favored New England Patriots largely in the same manner the Jersey/A Giants beat them twice in the Super Bowl -- by putting pressure on Tom Brady using a conventional four-man rush. Brady was sacked only once but hit often, causing his throws to be hurried. 

This is how to beat nearly every NFL team. Get pressure on the quarterback with four rushers and then drop seven back in coverage. This really isn't a blueprint because not every NFL team can get pressure on the quarterback with just four rushers.

In TMQ news, this column's Authentic Games Index now predicts a Super Bowl pairing of New Orleans versus Denver,

Is this metric really predicting anything if the prediction changes from week-to-week? Anyone can make a random guess based on the previous week's games as to which teams will meet in the Super Bowl. Just because Gregg claims there is a metric behind his prediction doesn't mean the prediction means anything.

The losses came to teams that don't count as Authentic, though what does count as an Authentic victory varies weekly depending on the performance of other teams -- kind of like high-school playoff bonus points.

There is a reason this metric is dumb. The reason is that what an "Authentic" victory means changes on a weekly basis. What may be an "Authentic" win one week may not be an "Authentic" win two weeks later. It doesn't really predict anything at all. The prediction from two weeks ago is absolutely useless now.

Here's the thing -- a Saints-Seahawks playoff contest would be played in Seattle, where the Bluish Men Group is close to invincible, while New Orleans is terrible on the road.

I believe I made this point two weeks ago. Individual matchups in the playoffs is another factor the "Authentic win" metric doesn't factor in when determining which teams will meet in the Super Bowl. Homefield advantage in an NFC Championship Game between the Saints and Seahawks will play a big role in which team wins the game. I have no doubt Gregg will ignore this "Authentic Win" metric once it reaches a conclusion after Week 17 that Gregg doesn't like.

In draft news -- the draft already being all that matters to several NFL fanbases -- St. Louis supporters whooped it up when Washington's last-second deuce try clanged to the ground incomplete. The Rams hold Washington's first-round pick, a choice now sure to be near the top. Looks like it will come down to either Houston or St. Louis (using Washington's choice) selecting first. Who would have expected Houston and Washington, playoff teams last season, both to tank?

I sort of expected the Redskins to fail to make the playoffs this season. It's a real kick in the gut to be so terrible and not have your first round draft choice. Given the Rams drafting abilities they will surely select a great player with the Redskins pick and then we can all hear about what a great coach Jeff Fisher is while the Rams go 11-5, followed by two straight seasons of 8-8 or 7-9.

Stats of the Week No. 3: Josh Gordon has 841 receiving yards in his past five games; Cleveland lost all five.

Just like the non-existent "Crabtree Curse" that Gregg tried to convince us was responsible for the 49ers not winning games under Mike Singletary, there must be a "Gordon Curse" that prevents the Browns from winning football games. I'm sure it has something to do with Josh Gordon being very, very selfish and his teammates not liking him and that's why the Browns team couldn't win games. That was the reasoning given for the Crabtree Curse and then once Jim Harbaugh was hired miraculously Crabtree's teammates liked him once again and the team started winning games. Gregg feebly tried to explain it was the Crabtree Curse on Mike Singletary that was the problem, not an actual curse on the 49ers team. This of course made no sense because Gregg referred to the Crabtree Curse in terms of the 49ers team as a whole. As always, when Gregg makes shit up that is eventually proven wrong there is a reason. Gregg is never just flat-out wrong when he makes things up, there is always an excuse why he wasn't really wrong.

Stats of the Week No. 8: Indianapolis went 37 consecutive first-half possessions without a touchdown.

This is impossible. Andrew Luck is the next great quarterback. Clearly this is a misprint or an outright lie by Gregg.

Stats of the Week No. 10: The Seahawks have allowed 565 fewer punt return yards than the R*dsk*ns.

It's obvious you are typing "Redskins." Just include the vowels in the name of the team because it doesn't do any good to type "Redskins" and just leave out the two vowels. You are essentially still calling them the Redskins.

Sweet Play of the Week: San Francisco facing second-and-goal on the City of Tampa 4, the Squared Sevens lined up in an old-fashioned I-backfield. Colin Kaepernick turned right and threw a backhanded lateral left to the tailback running left -- the Flip 90 play that was the favorite of Marshall Faulk in the Rams' glory days. Wait, it's a fake Flip 90! Kaepernick actually kept the ball and rolled right to find Michael Crabtree for a touchdown.

The zone read is dead and teams having to respect a quarterback's running ability is dead too. That's what Gregg has told us. It certainly sounds like the Buccaneers respected Kaepernick's ability to run with the football since he rolled right and was able to find Crabtree in the end zone.

Cincinnati chose to punt on fourth-and-1. The punter bobbled the snap then, standing just ahead of the goal line, allowed himself to be tackled rather than retreating into the end zone for a deliberate safety or simply tossing the ball out of the back of the end zone.

And verily, the football gods punished Kevin Huber for this transgression by allowing him to suffer a broken jaw and a broken vertebra on a hit by Antonio Brown. The football gods love punishing teams for stupid decisions, so I bet Gregg thinks Huber got punished for this stupid decision to not take a deliberate safety.

On a drive that began at the Flying Elvii 20 with 1:15 on the clock, all Tom Brady's completions had been on slants or curls. Two wide receivers lined up right; Austin Collie ran a quick slant and was open; Miami intercepted, game over. Sweet for a team that has lost seven straight to New England.

So Gregg states that Austin Collie was open on this play. Then one paragraph later Gregg says...

Thomas was one of three Miami defensive backs across from the combo on Brady's right. At the snap, Thomas seemed unsure of whom to cover, so he just stood there -- and Brady threw the ball right to him. Perhaps when Brady looked at film of Dolphins' coverages, there had never been anyone standing in that spot, so the New England quarterback assumed no one would be there.

But I thought Gregg just said that was Austin Collie ran a quick slant and was open? Perhaps instead of remembering the Dolphins don't have someone standing in that spot from watching film (and I know Brady watches a lot of film, but I doubt he would know the exact defense the Dolphins are running in this situation and then know there is never anyone standing in a certain spot so he just automatically threw the football to that vacant spot without thinking), Brady saw that Collie was open and threw the ball to him? After all, Gregg just said Austin Collie was open. If he was open, then that is the reason Brady threw the ball to Collie.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback asks of whisky what I ask of wine-tasting -- is there anyone, including the Walker company's "master blender," who could do better on a blind taste test of scotch than the people who swore they could tell New Coke from Old Coke?

Anyone who drank Coke a lot and has a decent set of taste buds could tell the difference in New Coke and Old Coke.

The Stadium Gods Chortled: On Monday night, Detroit lost to Baltimore on a 61-yard Justin Tucker field goal with seconds remaining. The defeat was the price Lions fans pay for sitting indoors in comfort. As the kick boomed, outside the temperature was 8 degrees Fahrenheit -- -- there is no chance such a long kick would have succeeded if the game had been played outside in weather, as the football gods intended. But Detroit thoughtfully provided ideal kicking conditions for opponents, and now sees its playoff hopes fading.

Yes, but if the Lions played outdoors then they may not have the advantage of playing indoors where Reggie Bush and Calvin Johnson can take advantage of the ideal conditions. So the Lions may not have been in the playoff hunt if they played 8 games outdoors per year. There are no football gods and they don't give a shit about whether a team plays indoors or outdoors. The Saints play indoors and the Colts play indoors. For some reason the football gods haven't chosen to smite them with regular season failure at home over the past decade. It's almost like Gregg is yet again making something up when unable to explain why the Lions lost to the Ravens any other way.

Scoring to pull within 28-27 with 17 seconds remaining, the Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons went for two and the win. The play didn't work, but was the right call -- advancing to overtime is a 50/50 proposition anyway. Plus, the call shortened the amount of time Mike Shanahan still has to coach the Persons.

It's always fun how Gregg starts to become process-based once an NFL head coach chooses a strategy that he agrees with. If Shanahan had chosen to kick the extra point, then Gregg would have said if the Redskins had just gone for two points then they "likely" would have converted the two point conversion since they averaged 4.9 yards per carry on the day. Gregg becomes process-based when a coach uses a tactic he agrees with, but if a coach uses a tactic Gregg doesn't like (such as blitzing on third-and-long) then Gregg becomes outcome-based and claims the tactic was bad when that may not be the case.

In the same situation -- scoring to pull within a point with a few seconds remaining in regulation -- Tennessee coach Mike Munchak did the "safe" thing and kicked an extra point; the Flaming Thumbtacks went on to lose in overtime. So both teams in the last-second-deuce-to-win situation lost the game. At least Washington used the bold strategy.

And the Redskins get what, extra karma points for being bold in this situation? Either way, the Redskins and the Titans lost the game.

Then Gregg begins to write a lot of words about cars and technology in cars. This TMQ contains 8,162 words total. So Gregg spends 16.2% of this column talking about cars here and he also discusses the car industry in two other sections of TMQ. In fact, the following is the breakdown of words spent in TMQ on different topics. I am rounding to the tenth of a decimal out of respect for Gregg's dislike of hyper-specificity (which means it doesn't equal 100% exactly...I feel it's best to do this to point out hyper-specificity has it's place when rounding up because it helps the percentage equal 100%). TMQ contains the following percentage of words spent on each topic:

Football: 40.0%

Cars and the car industry: 29.0%

Complaints about "The Blacklist": 8.0%

Wasteful spending on bodyguards: 5.4%

Texting while driving: 5.0%

Whiskey and the different types of whiskey available: 3.8%

China and India's space program: 2.5%

TMQ's Christmas List: 1.3%

Goofy NBA trades: 1.3%

Discussion on the "Alpha House" television show: 1.2%

Personal hovercars: 0.7%

The median grade at Harvard University: 0.7%

A correction in "Time" magazine related to the Pope: 0.2%

So basically, TMQ is 40% about football and 60% about topics other than football. In fact, the majority of this TMQ is about the car industry, "The Blacklist," wasteful spending on bodyguards and texting while driving. Yet for some reason TMQ is posted on and supposedly is a column about football. This despite the fact it is clear TMQ is mostly about topics other than football.

The parts of TMQ about cars is really, really boring. I'll sum it up for those who don't want to read it. Cars have new technology on them and sometimes this technology seems superfluous to Gregg. He makes comments about a car's fuel economy and the added technology that doesn't make sense to him. This discussion takes up 29% of TMQ by the way.

If Only He'd Call the Owner Chainsaw Dan: At his strange news conference last week, Ultimate Leader Mike Shanahan did everything possible to shift blame from the disappointing season of the Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons. TMQ thinks sitting Robert Griffin III makes sense: the R*dsk*ns are eliminated, further injury to the franchise player accomplishes nothing. But for Shanahan, the decision seems more about setting up RGIII for the blame.

Actually, it is about a dick-measuring contest with Daniel Snyder where Shanahan is trying to either (a) get fired or (b) show he can do he wants with his personnel. Way to pay attention though Gregg. I'm sure benching Griffin is all about Griffin and not at all about an unspoken (at least publicly) feud that Shanahan is having with Daniel Snyder, who Shanahan appears to believe is too close to Griffin and kowtows to Griffin too much.

During the news conference, Shanahan repeatedly referred to the Persons' owner as "Dan." An NFL custom is that owners are always addressed as "Mr." or "Mrs." This is a feudal affectation to be sure; but a firm unwritten rule of the league. Shanahan's repeated use of "Dan" shows two things: the Ultimate Leader condescends to the owner, and Shanahan wants to get fired, so that he must be paid the remaining value of his contract. If he resigns, he's owed nothing.

Exactly. Gregg appears to know that Griffin's benching is all about a feud with Daniel Snyder and not about setting up Griffin for failure, yet Gregg falls back on his standard "The head coach wants to make the players look bad so he doesn't look bad" mantra. If Shanahan was ever setting Griffin up for failure then Shanahan did so during the playoffs last year when Griffin played on a bum knee and when Shanahan trotted Griffin out there for the first game of the 2013 NFL season. That was setting Griffin up for failure, not benching Griffin in a way that clearly is meant to provoke Snyder into firing Shanahan.

New Lincolns can be had in Ingot Silver or Bordeaux Reserve. The Chrysler 300, in which "edition" is a key marketing term, has a Glacier Edition in Billet Silver Metallic, or a John Varvatos Edition in choice of Gloss Black or Phantom Black. Apparently buyers are supposed to believe the Varvatos car looks ultra-cool because Varvatos himself dresses like a bum

How the hell does John Varvatos dress like a bum? He is wearing a jacket, jeans, and a black shirt in that picture. What kind of world does Gregg live in where a guy dresses like a bum because he dresses in jeans and all-black attire? I guess Varvatos doesn't have upper-middle class chic down quite yet like Gregg does.

Did the Bolts Expose Denver's Weakness?

Do tell, Gregg! Do tell!

The Bolts' defense posted a fine performance, employing multiple funky fronts, including five to seven on the line within the tackle box as if concerned primarily with stopping the Broncos' run game, then most dropping off in a zone rush. Teams facing the fast-snap Denver offense have tended to use vanilla fronts, concerned with making sure everyone is in position before the snap. San Diego defensive coordinators John Pagano (brother of Chuck) had the Bolts' front seven form so many funky fronts that he must have given at least two players the green-light to move around at random --

Yes, I'm sure Pagano told at least two defenders to just do whatever the hell they want on defense. Screw a game plan, just do whatever the hell you want. It will confuse Peyton Manning and Manning's weakness is that he expects every opponent to have a defensive game plan, but if a defense has a few players just randomly moving all over the field it will confuse Manning and victory is assured.

Defenders moving randomly pre-snap seemed to frustrate Peyton Manning's chicken-dance checks and audibles. NFL defensive coordinators are going to spend a lot of time with film of this contest; Manning may see considerable random movement in the playoffs.

Every team needs to get pressure on Manning for this to work, which is a minor point that Gregg conveniently skips over mentioning, or else all that random movement will be for nothing when Manning finds his open receivers at the spot the defensive players moving around randomly just vacated.

San Diego leading 24-17 in the fourth quarter, the Bolts showed an overload blitz from Manning's left. Manning flapped his arms and called several checks. At the snap, both seeming overload blitzers dropped into coverage, then a corner blitzed from the opposite side. There was significant line confusion: six Denver blockers couldn't handle four rushers. Manning was hit as he threw: interception and the game's decisive play.

It was surely the defenders moving randomly, not a well-timed blitz call and pressure on Peyton Manning that caused this interception. So it turns out Peyton Manning's weakness is having to throw under pressure. This also happens to be nearly every other NFL quarterback's weakness as well.

The Official Car of TMQ: Last winter when car shopping, I promised readers to report my choice: which was an Acura TSX manual-transmission model.

It was perfectly fine to break this promise. I imagine not too many of Gregg's readers cared which car he chose.

I occupy the moral high ground because my family's four previous car purchases were of vehicles built in the United States:

Oh of course, Gregg always occupies the high moral ground away from criticism. Who the hell says he occupies high moral ground because he bought a car made in the United States? What kind of person says this? My family buys cars not built entirely in the United States and I'm fine with my low moral ground as long as I choose a reliable car that gets me from Point A to Point B.

And I swear, if my car breaks down after I wrote that then I am completely going to blame Gregg. He baited me into talking about my holding of low moral ground.

anyway now that Detroit is recovered, partly at public expense, buyers should feel good about choosing whatever marque seems best to them.

Wouldn't it make more sense for buyers to feel good about choosing whichever car they like best if Detroit had not recovered and was putting out a crappy product? If Detroit is putting out a great product now, then buyers who care about these sorts of things should buy American, since there isn't a huge difference in cars made in American and overseas. If Detroit was putting out a crappy product, then buyers could feel good about supporting an American industry that needs support, as opposed to Gregg arguing buyers should feel good about not supporting an American industry that has recovered and has shown itself to deserve support now.

Some 3,328 people were killed by distracted-driving incidents in 2012: government is campaigning against cell use and texting while driving. Outgoing Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood has said the driver's cell phone should been turned off when the car is in motion. All the data show that hands-free calls while driving are dangerous too.

Yet my new Acura has a Bluetooth device that syncs to my mobile, letting me use the phone through the car's speakers; the driver talks through a microphone provided specifically for cell use in motion. There are answer-call and end-call buttons on the steering wheel.

It's not illegal in many states to talk while behind the wheel. So until it is illegal in all 50 states to talk while driving then car manufacturers are going to meet the needs of the consumer and allow devices that make it easier to talk on the phone while driving a car. It's pretty simple. The Transportation Secretary isn't a car manufacturer, so what he thinks has no effect on car manufacturers until it is illegal to talk while on the phone in all 50 states (which I think it should be).

The Football Gods Chortled: Chicago trailing Cleveland 10-3, Da Bears lined up to go for it on fourth-and-1 from the Browns 24. Chicago jumped offside, making the down fourth-and-6. The Bears kicked a field goal, but were called for holding, making the down fourth-and-16. The possession ended with a punt.

Why did the football gods chortle (and really, who the fuck "chortles" anymore?) in this situation? The Bears (they won the game by the way) were going for it on fourth down, then once they had five more yards to go after a penalty was assessed in order to convert the fourth down, they decided to go for a field goal. It's not a terrible move. Under Gregg's line of thinking shouldn't the football gods have rewarded the Bears for going for it on fourth-and-1 as opposed to punishing them?

Now Gregg criticizes "The Blacklist" as part of his ongoing mission to not understand that television is fictional entertainment and is not supposed to reflect reality.

"The Blacklist" attack on the FBI site is carried out by 20 super-disciplined commandos with carbines and grenades, backed by a paramedic and an electronics expert. All blindly follow a leader who is obviously insane, and most end up dead. In Batman movies and other action fare, it's never explained why henchmen blindly follow a leader who's obviously insane.

Yes, why would these henchmen blindly follow a leader who's obviously insane? It's not like this ever happens in real life or anything like that.

As the chase progresses, the female lead, played by actress Megan Boone, yells into her phone, "We are on Constitution Avenue." Overhead we see rusting Chicago El-style elevated subway tracks -- there aren't any on Constitution Avenue, or anywhere in the District of Columbia.

No way! It's almost like this is a fictional television show featuring actors that is broadcast purely for the sake of entertainment and isn't supposed to represent reality. But that couldn't be, could it? I thought all network television shows were supposed to be documentaries and reflect as much realism as possible?

In the pilot, the antihero played by actor James Spader walked into what viewers were told is FBI headquarters in Washington. But it's plainly not FBI headquarters, which for good or ill is a distinctive structure. In the background at "FBI headquarters" is a sign for One Federal Plaza, a location in Manhattan.

Somebody better tell the producers of "The Blacklist" that the location of the FBI headquarters on their show doesn't look like the location in real life. They will be shocked to learn they are the producers of a fictional television show and not a show that is a documentary.

TMQ contends the primary role of an NBA general manager is getting rid of players, in order to clear cap space to sign free agents the team soon will want to get rid of. In January 2013, Rudy Gay was traded from Memphis to Toronto in what called a "roster and salary purge."

Right, it was the Memphis Grizzlies unloading Rudy Gay's salary. It wasn't the Toronto Raptors unloading salary.

Last week, less than a year later, Toronto traded Gay to Sacramento in a move said was aimed at "offloading his contract." Now Toronto has cap space to sign someone the Raptors soon will wish they could offload.

I hate it when writers are willfully ignorant like this. Memphis and then Toronto unloaded Gay's contract. Toronto isn't continuously unloading bad contracts, but took on Gay's contract and now they are getting rid of his contract. Gregg needs to read a little bit before commenting on certain matters. The Raptors aren't continuously unloading bad contracts, but acquired Gay last year to help the team. When Gay didn't help the Raptors like they wanted, they unloaded his contract to the Kings.

And how long until Sacramento is desperate to be rid of Gay?

Not long. His contract hasn't gotten any better. This isn't a case of one team continuously unloading bad contracts, but a case of a bad contract making it's way from team to team.

On the final down of the Miami at Pittsburgh game, referee John Parry correctly signaled that Antonio Brown stepped out-of-bounds before his apparent winning touchdown, depriving the home fans of a spectacular ending. This contradicted TMQ's Parking Lot Theory of officiating, which holds that on the final play, zebras side with the home crowd so they don't get hassled in the parking lot. A Tuesday Morning Quarterback immutable law proven wrong? In the offseason I will journey alone to a distant mountaintop to be admonished by the football gods.

What's interesting about this is that many of TMQ's immutable laws are proven wrong, but Gregg rarely acknowledges they are wrong. There is proof that officials tend to side with the home crowd on close calls like this, so the one law that TMQ makes which actually has some sense of proof that it is correct is the law that Gregg admits might be wrong. Meanwhile there are quite a few other TMQ immutable laws that have no factual backing, yet Gregg sticks to them as being factual. It's all a disaster.

When the Broncos notched a record 64-yard field goal on the final snap of the first half versus Tennessee, this supported TMQ's contention that Minnesota should have attempted a 76-yard fair-catch field goal on the final snap of overtime versus Green Bay.

And the run back on a field goal attempt that led to a touchdown for Auburn and ended Alabama's hopes of another BCS title did not support TMQ's contention that Minnesota should have attempted a 76-yard fair-catch field on the final snap of overtime. It goes both ways, sometimes Gregg forgets this.

Weasel Coach Watch: For the third consecutive year, Arkansas State lost a head coach who had just started the job, then immediately went elsewhere when money was waved. Two years ago, Hugh Freeze left for Ole Miss. Last year, Gus Malzahn went to Auburn. This year, Bryan Harsin departed for Boise State. Perhaps the school should change its sports mascot from Red Wolves to Weasels.

And again, why does Gregg begrudge a college head coach who wants to further his career? If Gregg was working for "The Washington Post" and received a job offer from to write for them, would this be a case of Gregg being a weasel and breaking promises to his co-workers, or simply taking advantage of an opportunity he has earned? It's a different story when college athletes and recruiting is involved, but the bottom line is I don't see why Gregg begrudges some of these college head coaches for taking the chance to further their career.

Next Week: What will the Cowboys do for an encore, punt on first down?

What an excellent joke! If only it made sense. So the Cowboys threw the ball too much and allowed the Packers to come back to win the game...what does that have to do with punting on first down? Wouldn't this joke make more sense if the Cowboys lost the game to the Packers because they were overly-conservative?

Even after the bye week, Gregg is still the worst.


HH said...

And verily, the football gods punished Kevin Huber for this transgression by allowing him to suffer a broken jaw and a broken vertebra on a hit by Antonio Brown.

The return was by Antonio Brown. The hit was by Terrance Garvin. Get it together, Ben.

Da Bears lined up to go for it on fourth-and-1 from the Browns 24. Chicago jumped offside, making the down fourth-and-6.

The Bears did not jump offside because the offense can't do that. There was a false start, yes, but that's a different thing, Captain Nitpick.

Anonymous said...

"When the Broncos notched a record 64-yard field goal on the final snap of the first half versus Tennessee, this supported TMQ's contention that Minnesota should have attempted a 76-yard fair-catch field goal on the final snap of overtime versus Green Bay."

And this supported your contention, how? Oh I'm sorry, you're done. Well allow me to retort. A 76 yard field goal is 12 yards longer than a 64 yard field goal. Matt Prater barely made that 64 yard field goal, so what should make anyone think Blair Walsh could get it 12 yards farther? Not to mention the most obvious factor here, which is that Prater made his field goal in the thin air of Denver, while Walsh would have been kicking in Lambeau Field. Remember when Gregg said Justin Tucker wouldn't have hit that 61 yarder if the Lions played outdoors? Well apparently he didn't mean it, because he also thinks Blair Walsh can hit from 76 outdoors. What a dumbass.

"High-IQ football would be to work the ball slowly down the field, exhaust the clock and kick the winning field goal with seconds showing."

This is why Gregg is the absolute worst. Not only is he a certifiable dumbass, but he believe his opinions to be so smart he refers to them as "high IQ." If you don't know what IQ is, Google or Bing it, am I right? This line of thinking is all sorts of wrong. I love how Gregg and his ilk put "scoring points" near the bottom of the totem pole in terms of importance here. Gotta run clock, gotta use time...and then if you happen to score points, fine. Dallas' coaches can't afford to be so cavalier. They have to continue to put together scoring drives, and that means putting the ball in the air. This past Sunday, Dallas gave Murray 3 carries inside the 10 on their final drive, and he ended up getting tackled outside the 10, where Romo finally threw it into the end zone for the winning TD. Dallas' coaches took everyone's advice to work the clock, run the ball...and they ended up needing a 4th down conversion as a result. Gregg's high IQ football is far from perfect.

Of course, no strategy is perfect, and that's why Gregg's such a dumbass. Everything is contextual, but he paints the world in terms of black-and-white. I also can't help but notice Dallas' D seems to get a reprieve when talking about their collapse against Green Bay. They gave up 37 points to a Matt Flynn-led offense, but no big deal apparently.