I am in shock because Bill Simmons has an incredibly readable column up yesterday and he also takes 3 swipes at ESPN in it. That always makes me happy. I am going to go ahead and say I enjoyed it.
Also, I realize there is going to be a lot of trades made in the draft and some teams are going to have fewer picks and some are going to have more, but this is what the teams should do regardless of the draft.
16. Philadelphia
What they need: They currently do not need a point guard. Chad Ford on ESPN said they should sign Elton Brand and I am not sure I disagree with that assessment. Assuming they do that and then follow it up with a draft pick here of a higher risk selection that may pay off in a couple years or a shooter. Either way, I think they will be in good shape. A kid develops for a few years behind Brand and is able to spell him effectively so as not to tire him out or a shooter that will make teams pay for double teaming Brand. Wasn't Rodney Carney supposed to be good?
How they will screw it up: For the team that has Shavlik Randolph on the roster, you know they will mess this one up. I look at this roster and see young guys who have never panned out and a group of 2nd and 3rd options, unless they trade for a first option, they are not going to go anywhere.
17. Toronto
What they need: I look at this team and I think to myself, only time is what this team needs, but then I look at the roster and the performance against the Orlando Magic in the playoffs and realize they either need a center or an actual athletic offensive player other than Chris Bosh. They could also go ahead and inform Sam Mitchell he will be fired after the next season and start a coaching search now.
How they will screw it up: They will draft another foreign player who takes a few years to develop, Chris Bosh will turn into a Canadian Jermaine O'Neil and Jose Calderon will play Jamal Tinsley followed by the inevitable T.J. Ford for Mike Dunleavy trade.
18. Washington
What they need: To resign Gilbert Arenas. The mediocre center duo they currently have is not really working all that well. Make it a trio! Grab Robin Lopez and then I want to see him and his other twin (?) Varejao battle it out in a playoff series. They are both white and have abnormal hair, so they have to be twins right? Actually, the Wizards could use a big man who is good and can contribute right now. Unfortunately there is one of those in the draft. So they will draft a young PF.
How they will screw it up: They will draft a young PF and not play Nick Young. It is so irritating the teams that draft young players, stash them on the bench and then they are never heard from again. I am going to scream if I hear one more team take a "project" center. I am talking to you Seattle.
19. Cleveland
What they need: A popular rapper to purchase a portion of the team and brainwash LeBron James into thinking they are actually going to put something around him. Sorry, Ben Wallace and Wally don't count. Give me one good reason they should not draft Bill Walker or Chris Douglas Roberts (a bit of a stretch admittedly).
How they will screw it up: DeAndre Jordan. Just kidding, no more role players though! They will grab someone who can't score or at least put up some points when LeBron pulls off a 5-37 night. Kobe had Shaq, Michael Jordan had Scottie, and Duncan has Parker and Ginobli, give LeBron someone who can score when he can't and someone who may play a little defense.
20. Denver
What they need: To not trade Carmelo Anthony. This is a team in dire need of a point guard to run the offense at 110 mph but someone who does not always look for his shot so AI and Carmelo can pump up 25 shots a game. They also could use a big man who can rebound all those shots because you know Marcus Camby gets tired. Maybe a trade would be a better idea at this point.
How they will screw it up: Trade Carmelo and keep Iverson on the roster. Iverson pouted his way out of one shitty situation and he will do it again. A tall person who can make up for K-Mart playing like he is the Kmart version of an NBA player (ba-da-boom).
21. New Jersey
What they need: This is the part where they can store a player in a different country and let him grow up for a few years if they choose to. Preferably, I would trade Vince Carter and see if Rush or Walker is available here.
How they will screw it up: Trading this pick in the Vince Carter trade to try and win now.
22. Orlando
What they need: That #2 guard spot is mighty empty on this roster. A swingman would look really good here, preferably one who does not always want to hoist three pointers and actually enjoys a little defense. They could also draft a project and hope it works out. I would hate doing this though.
How they will screw it up: Take someone who will get in the way of Dwight Howard in the middle (notice how Fabricio and every other center for the Spurs stays 8 miles away from Duncan when he is in the lane? Exactly the opposite of that). Or drafting DeAndre Jordan.
23. Utah
What they need: A decent point guard. Again, kidding. I say a center, but preferably not white and not a twin. Since this team does not run that much, I would think this would not be hard to find. They could also use some more bench depth.
How they will screw it up: Robin Lopez.
24. Seattle
What they need: A few more years, and again, no more project centers. This is the part of the draft where everyone drafts the young foreign players and then bitch when Gilbert Arenas, Carlos Boozer and other good college players get picked. So I think Seattle should just go ahead and draft a young project center and get it over with.
How they will screw it up: Drafting a young project center. If they want to win now, they could draft a college player with smaller upside, but if they want to wait, I say screw it up with a young project center. Robert Swift, Johan Seno (whatever your name is), meet your match.
25. Houston
What they need: Yao Ming to get the sand out of his vagina and play a full season. They also need to get rid of Steve Francis ASAP. I would take the best available collegiate age swing man in this spot.
How they will screw it up: Do anything to impend the development of Scola. He will be a grand player and drafting for the future does not seem like the best option. If they want to win while T-Mac's back is still not curved and Yao is not sent to a Chinese torture chamber for signing with Nike, they need to do so soon.
26. San Antonio
What they need: Someone who is under the age of 30 on the roster. I still can't believe they got Tiago Splitter last year. Maybe he will come to America in the next 10 years or maybe not, but still that was a great choice. I look for them to do the same this year. San Antonio is anti-American, so look for them to draft overseas.
How they will screw it up: I am not sure they have 3 more years of the Tim Duncan era available, so they may want to look for help now. That would involved drafting an American player and I am not sure they are comfortable with this.
27. New Orleans
What they need: Don't give up on Julian Wright quite yet but definitely get some bench help. Morris Peterson also looks a lot better as a 2nd player off the bench. They need to find someone through a trade or the draft to replace him in the starting lineup ASAP. They could also use a young PF to take some weight off West.
How they will screw it up: I think they are in a good position. Just don't trade away any key pieces to the team and be sure to include Bonzi Wells.
28. Memphis
What they need: Get Stromile Swift off the roster and trade Mike Miller at some point as well and get more picks or a big guy if there is not one available at this spot. This team needs someone who can lead the team and Rudy Gay is not that guy, he is too quiet. So trade for someone if no one is available in this spot and then ask the Lakers about Pau Gasol and if he can come back.
How they will screw it up: I don't think they need another point guard and I think Miller has some trade value, so they will screw this up by not trading Miller and then taking a player who needs a couple years to develop.
29. Detroit
What they need: A time machine to get younger as well. Detroit is pretty well set up for a couple more years but I can't help but get the nagging feeling they keep drafting back ups, which they do. They traded for 4 of the starters, so if they still stink at drafting, try to swing a trade to get a bit younger.
How they will screw it up: Draft another backup and then watch sadly as the entire starting lineup gets old in the same year.
30. Boston
What they need: They need to get younger very much more than any other team. The Celtics could use a backup point guard and some bench scoring help. They could also stand to look for a player who can help in three years when the Big Three are no longer around. They need to look for young blood to help them in a couple years.
How they will screw it up: They will look for help now, draft poorly and then have the #1 pick in two years.
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