I have found the Holy Grail. Woody Paige has a mailbag.
I very well possibly could go back and read past mailbags by Woody just for fun and I will of course link these. I was at first unsure about whether it would be worth it or not but then I read the introduction to this mailbag...granted, the rest of the mailbag is kind of boring so that is why I will go back and look at past mailbags as well.
Dear Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls. It has been suggested by a couple of people who don't have the courage to write to me that I make up the questions. If I were going to make up questions, they would never be the questions I am asked.
I am not sure how he would know the people are suggesting he makes up the questions if they did not write him to the mailbag about this. Maybe they whispered it in the corners of the office, I don't really know. Woody is on the defensive, which is always a good sign for the rest of the mailbag.
I don't make up, pick or see the questions until I answer them, and I just answer them truthfully and without looking up stuff.
Woody Paige just said he answers questions "without looking up stuff." Yes, he just admitted to doing zero research into a question that he is asked. After all, he is the expert, no? Why would he need to look anything up, he knows it all. Combine this with Peter King's Completely Obvious Thesis on How to Win for Now and The Future: A Guide to Drafting Good Players and Signing Good Players in Free Agency, this week has been really great.
So not only does Woody Paige do no research in answering the questions, he also answers them truthfully. I am completely vexed as to how this works. If someone asks me a question and I don't know the answer and refuse to look it up, there is no way in hell I can know I am answering the question truthfully. Simply because he is taking his best guess does not make it the truth. Onward we go with Woody Paige's Guessbag.
Dr. 'Drow, is there a time clock at Dove Vally? I mean the kind that a factory might use to make sure the employees actually get to work on time and work the whole shift. Reason I ask is because it seems like Mike Shanahan might be sneaking out of work a little early, if you know what I mean.
Dr. 'Drow is beyond a God awful nickname. I hope it sticks.
Woody's response...among other useless words.
Bring back John Lynch and Al Wilson.
Al Wilson retired because of constant injuries and John Lynch told the team to cut him because he did not like the fact they signed two other safeties in the offseason/wanted to play for the Patriots. It's not like the Broncos cut either of them for no good reason. Woody should know this. Of course he doesn't because he does not look things up.
It is going to be hard to bring back two players who left the team for reasons the Broncos did not directly control. Maybe Woody wants to kidnap these two men and force them to play football, but right now they are both retired. I am not sure how he wants to get them back.
Here's another mailbag.
Hey, Woody. What do the Rockies need in a center fielder? Slugger? Speed? Defense? If it's speed and defense, why not try to bring back Juan Pierre. He rode the bench for the Dodgers this season. -- Charles, Lyons
Why not Juan Pierre? Because these are his career numbers. .300/.346/.371. That's why. Speed is what you need then? He has gotten caught stealing 25% of the time in his career and has walked 3 more times than he has struck out in his career, which overall is not so bad when accompanied with power, but Juan Pierre has not power. It's like having the slugger without the homeruns, having a stolen base machine that never gets on base or a speedy outfielder with a noodle for an arm. He sucks. He literally does nothing well.
A.B.T., Charles. Anybody but Taveras.
And Juan Pierre.
Juan Pierre is not very good defensively, and he doesn't even have warning-track power. Deep shortstop power. Great guy. Strongest work ethic in the game.
Fuck that, David Eckstein will stab you in the neck with a hustle and grit sword for saying Juan Pierre has the strongest work ethic in the game.
I'd take Seth Smith and Dexter Fowler to alternate. Fowler has a huge upside and is a switch-hitter.
Why would you want Dexter Fowler to alternate if he is a switch hitter? Also, he is very good and the Rockies have nothing to lose by playing young players, it seems they are starting to try and rebuild a little bit. Not to offend Larry B at FireJay, but didn't we just read stories like one year ago about how the Rockies were set up for success. What the hell happened?
I guess Woody has to continue his love affair with this man and those numbers since he previously indicated Seth Smith could replace Matt Holliday. Now he has Smith replacing Holliday and playing centerfield.
Smith is a solid player. In Denver, I wanted a very good defensive player in center, but I also want power. I loved Ellis Burks, 30 homers and a quality fielder and a good guy.
Let's see. Solid player versus player with huge upside and is a switch hitter. Let's take the solid player, that's what the Rockies need at this stage. I am sure Woody did love Ellis Burks and his 30 HR but Seth Smith hit 4 HR last year in 108 AB's so I am not quite sure they are comparable at this point.
You and Jay Mariotti seem to have a contentious relationship. Was it that way when you two worked together years earlier, or did it develop on "Around the Horn"? -- Rex, Texas
I used to be Jay's boss. He didn't like that at all, and it only lasted a few months. Every time I saw him after that, I'd say, "Hi, Jay," and he'd reply with an unkind answer. I got a laugh out of it, as did most everyone else.
When Woody Paige thinks you are an asshole, you have hit rock bottom. There is no debate about this.
Hey, Woody. How long do you think it will take for the Broncos coaching staff to believe that sometimes bigger is better. The defense can't stop anybody. The offense is fumble happy. And they can't put teams away. Talk about giving a guy a heart attack just watching. -- Nestor, Cimarron, Kan.
I like the linebackers. Dre' Bly needs help, and I'm serious as a heart attack. And the safeties are awful. Bring back John Lynch.
John Lynch won't come back, he wanted the team to release him and then he got cut by the Patriots. He did not like the way Denver tried to replace him in the offseason, you can't bring him back.
Those young defensive ends are worthless, and I've seen nothing out of Robertson. The line stinks. No depth. Niko is a No-No, and the Broncos and you are stuck.
John Lynch, a 37 year old safety with 59 tackles last year and no interceptions in 2 years, is going to fix all of this. Every single bit of it.
Bring back Larry Coyer. He was a good defensive coordinator, and Mike Shanahan got rid of him. Because he smoked a pipe and acted like a professor?
No, probably because his defense gave up 26 ppg and 359 ypg in the last 10 games before he was fired. Basically what the Broncos are giving up now, so maybe Woody has a point, but he doesn't know this because he does not research. For once in his life Woody was sort of right. Of course, remember he just guessed at this answer because he does not look anything up so I refuse to give him any credit. (At what point does Mike Shanahan get fired?)
I am hoping Bill Simmons will post something on ESPN soon. I also wanted to tell you I plan on reviewing my NFL preview team record selections after the year is complete and I am assuming J.S. will do the same. Unlike most people who predict things, I hold myself to actually follow up on what I wrote...and try not to guess at the answer and try to look things up.
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